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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,149 --> 00:00:03,678 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:05,801 --> 00:00:08,703 I'll tell you who could use an image consultant. 3 00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:09,904 You know, neither of us was inside your head 4 00:00:09,905 --> 00:00:12,606 - for the first part of that. - Aliens. 5 00:00:12,641 --> 00:00:15,343 I see. Foreign people, or the outer space kind? 6 00:00:15,377 --> 00:00:16,711 The outer space ones. 7 00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:18,980 All you ever see in movies is them attacking Earth 8 00:00:18,981 --> 00:00:22,149 - and frying people with lasers. - That's not true. 9 00:00:22,150 --> 00:00:24,218 They're often shown simply abducting and probing. 10 00:00:24,252 --> 00:00:27,288 - That's better? - Give me a probing over a frying any day. 11 00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,490 [bell rings] You're both missing my point. 12 00:00:29,491 --> 00:00:30,873 I'm sorry. Not used to you having one. 13 00:00:30,908 --> 00:00:33,694 There's probably hundreds of planets out there, 14 00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:35,863 so they can't all be monsters and maniacs. 15 00:00:35,897 --> 00:00:37,597 How come you never see good aliens? 16 00:00:37,599 --> 00:00:39,400 - Like Superman? - E.T.? 17 00:00:39,401 --> 00:00:41,402 - Starman? Cocoon? - ALF? 18 00:00:41,403 --> 00:00:43,838 Oh, yeah. Forgot about those ones. 19 00:00:43,872 --> 00:00:44,905 Is someone going to pump our gas? 20 00:00:44,906 --> 00:00:47,609 We don't have time to stand around all day doing nothing. 21 00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:49,877 We're not doing nothing. We're talking aliens. 22 00:00:49,878 --> 00:00:52,447 Ooh... I love that movie. 23 00:00:52,448 --> 00:00:53,914 Paul Reiser is under-appreciated. 24 00:00:53,915 --> 00:00:55,783 Everyone's listing off friendly aliens, 25 00:00:55,785 --> 00:00:57,485 but I can only think of mean ones. 26 00:00:57,552 --> 00:01:00,388 - Alien... Predator... - Predator fought Alien, 27 00:01:00,389 --> 00:01:02,056 so one of them must be good. 28 00:01:02,057 --> 00:01:04,558 Superman fought Batman, and they're both good. 29 00:01:04,593 --> 00:01:07,561 - The movie was bad. - Batman breaks the law all the time. 30 00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,697 Breaking the law doesn't make someone bad. 31 00:01:09,731 --> 00:01:12,666 - You ever hear of Jean Valjean? - Kickboxing Time Cop? 32 00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,468 Okay, let me update my reference. 33 00:01:14,536 --> 00:01:17,705 - You ever see Breaking Bad? - That's got "bad" right in the title. 34 00:01:17,739 --> 00:01:21,309 - Okay, you're all set. - Already? I wanted it filled. 35 00:01:21,310 --> 00:01:22,476 Yeah, that's all there is. 36 00:01:22,477 --> 00:01:25,297 Looks like the underground tank is empty. 37 00:01:26,381 --> 00:01:29,617 So... that'll be 37 cents. 38 00:01:29,651 --> 00:01:30,851 Mork! 39 00:01:30,852 --> 00:01:34,355 ♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪ 40 00:01:34,357 --> 00:01:35,423 ♪ Look closer, baby ♪ 41 00:01:35,424 --> 00:01:37,591 ♪ You're so wrong ♪ 42 00:01:37,592 --> 00:01:41,261 1x01 - Bone Dry 43 00:01:41,596 --> 00:01:42,997 Lacey, what's in the soup? 44 00:01:42,998 --> 00:01:45,366 I could write out the recipe if you like it. 45 00:01:45,367 --> 00:01:47,802 - I hate it. - Oh... well, I won't bother, then. 46 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,337 It's got little stones in it. See? 47 00:01:50,405 --> 00:01:52,907 Okay, gross. Roll your tongue back in your skull. 48 00:01:52,908 --> 00:01:54,675 Those aren't stones, that's quinoa. 49 00:01:54,743 --> 00:01:56,710 - Keen-what? - It's just small, round, 50 00:01:56,711 --> 00:01:58,746 - kind of granular little... - Pebbles? 51 00:01:58,747 --> 00:02:00,448 Grain! It's a type of grain. 52 00:02:00,482 --> 00:02:02,917 I just decided to shake things up a bit. 53 00:02:02,951 --> 00:02:04,518 We don't like our soup shaken. 54 00:02:04,519 --> 00:02:07,755 We like our soup like it's always been... rock free. 55 00:02:07,756 --> 00:02:10,357 [groans] They're not rocks! 56 00:02:14,963 --> 00:02:16,663 What the hell's going on?! 57 00:02:16,665 --> 00:02:19,033 Oh, hey, Dad. The tanks ran dry. 58 00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:21,536 I hope you'll do me the honour of over-reacting to this. 59 00:02:21,537 --> 00:02:24,004 The tanks?! The underground tanks?! 60 00:02:24,039 --> 00:02:26,273 No, the Sherman tanks I brought home from World War II. 61 00:02:26,274 --> 00:02:30,845 What kind of an idiot jackass lets his gas station run out of gas?! 62 00:02:30,879 --> 00:02:32,680 You're just a station now. 63 00:02:32,714 --> 00:02:36,117 Change the sign from Corner Gas to Corner Nothing. 64 00:02:36,118 --> 00:02:39,720 "Come into the Nothing Station and buy some red-hot Nothing!" 65 00:02:39,788 --> 00:02:43,557 - Proprietor: Jackass. - Mm, all good suggestions. 66 00:02:43,559 --> 00:02:44,992 Look, I just forgot to get the order in on time. 67 00:02:44,993 --> 00:02:47,394 The next truck will be around in two or three days. 68 00:02:47,462 --> 00:02:52,533 You have any idea what can happen to a gas-less town in three days? 69 00:02:52,534 --> 00:02:55,469 It'll be like some kind of post-apocalyptic, 70 00:02:55,504 --> 00:02:58,806 fuel-starved hellscape, like in that movie. 71 00:02:58,807 --> 00:03:02,409 - Frozen? - You know the one I mean, smart guy. 72 00:03:03,612 --> 00:03:06,881 [wind blowing] [music] 73 00:03:09,818 --> 00:03:11,518 Mmm... 74 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,591 [mad laughter] 75 00:03:17,959 --> 00:03:20,078 [man] Whoo! 76 00:03:30,105 --> 00:03:33,078 [chuckling] 77 00:03:34,843 --> 00:03:36,944 [muffled] Glibish olgish! 78 00:03:38,079 --> 00:03:39,779 Sorry, what? 79 00:03:40,048 --> 00:03:43,050 I said, give us your gas! What the hell did you think I said?! 80 00:03:43,051 --> 00:03:45,920 "Glibish olgish." You probably need a bigger mouth hole. 81 00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:48,656 A hundred dune-buggies pull up to a gas station, 82 00:03:48,723 --> 00:03:50,624 and you can't figure out what we want?! 83 00:03:50,692 --> 00:03:51,559 Could've been soda. 84 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,727 - I'd love a soda. - Shut up, you! 85 00:03:53,728 --> 00:03:58,132 So the apocalyptic future is still you yelling at me, only shirtless? 86 00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,167 Where are you going to find a shirt in the apocalypse? 87 00:04:00,235 --> 00:04:02,503 I think we'll survive a couple days with no gas. 88 00:04:02,537 --> 00:04:05,773 Oh, sure. Total la-di-da attitude. 89 00:04:05,807 --> 00:04:07,708 No sense of responsibility. 90 00:04:07,742 --> 00:04:10,477 It's time I taught you a lesson. 91 00:04:10,479 --> 00:04:12,947 Now? You never taught me anything growing up. 92 00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:14,648 You wait 'til I'm 40? 93 00:04:15,483 --> 00:04:18,619 That's a lot of corn. Whatcha got planned, something stupid? 94 00:04:18,653 --> 00:04:19,954 Something genius. 95 00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:22,122 Town's out of gas, so I'm going to make my own fuel 96 00:04:22,123 --> 00:04:25,125 by boiling up this corn. Going to make a zillion bucks. 97 00:04:25,126 --> 00:04:26,794 Off the 400 people who live here? 98 00:04:26,795 --> 00:04:28,862 A jillion bucks, then. Whatever. Just ring it up. 99 00:04:28,863 --> 00:04:32,833 Hank, there's more to making ethanol than just boiling corn. 100 00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:34,101 Oh, let me guess... 101 00:04:34,102 --> 00:04:38,172 one of the 7,000 courses you took in college was Corn Gas 101. 102 00:04:38,173 --> 00:04:40,040 Quite a fascinating process, actually... 103 00:04:40,075 --> 00:04:42,509 biomass pre-treatment, enzyme extraction, 104 00:04:42,577 --> 00:04:45,779 - cellular hydrolysis... - As if you could actually do it. 105 00:04:45,814 --> 00:04:46,981 You're damn right I could do it! 106 00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:50,684 It's just that the fermentation process takes a long time, so... 107 00:04:50,752 --> 00:04:53,187 Oh, you backpedaling now? 'Cause I know 108 00:04:53,188 --> 00:04:54,655 where there's some stuff already fermenting. 109 00:04:54,656 --> 00:04:56,824 Okay. You get the fermenting stuff, 110 00:04:56,825 --> 00:04:58,559 and I'll go set up my kid's chemistry set, 111 00:04:58,561 --> 00:05:00,694 and then we'll see which one of us is the genius, 112 00:05:00,762 --> 00:05:02,863 and which one of us is the idiot named Hank. 113 00:05:02,865 --> 00:05:05,733 - Deal! - Hi, Hank. 114 00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:07,768 [chuckles] I can get her to do anything 115 00:05:07,769 --> 00:05:10,404 - just by saying, "as if you could." - What? 116 00:05:10,405 --> 00:05:11,939 Oh, yeah, you weren't here for the whole... 117 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:12,940 I was saying that... 118 00:05:12,941 --> 00:05:15,775 - I don't have time for this. - Okay. 119 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,681 I kind of like this "no gas" situation. 120 00:05:20,749 --> 00:05:22,783 Means we can't patrol the town. 121 00:05:22,817 --> 00:05:26,186 Nothing to do but hang tight and let the crime come to us. 122 00:05:26,221 --> 00:05:28,922 [sighing] I'm bored. 123 00:05:28,990 --> 00:05:29,891 Maybe we should do a foot patrol! 124 00:05:29,892 --> 00:05:33,294 Maybe that's the stupidest idea of all time. 125 00:05:33,295 --> 00:05:35,929 Stupider than when you tried to kiss that badger? 126 00:05:35,997 --> 00:05:37,731 It wasn't a badger. 127 00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:40,667 Mmm... [kissing] 128 00:05:41,569 --> 00:05:42,237 [kissing] 129 00:05:42,238 --> 00:05:43,571 [screaming] 130 00:05:43,572 --> 00:05:48,142 Oh, yeah, that was a badger. Why was I kissing a badger? 131 00:05:48,143 --> 00:05:50,044 That was the question we all had, 132 00:05:50,078 --> 00:05:52,684 and why did you need lip balm? 133 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:53,561 [music] 134 00:05:53,581 --> 00:05:56,650 So I tell Brent the town's going to fall apart, 135 00:05:56,685 --> 00:05:59,820 and he just shrugs like a big, dumb lump. 136 00:05:59,854 --> 00:06:02,589 Honestly, how did we end up with such a lazy son? 137 00:06:02,591 --> 00:06:04,925 Guess we'll never know. Grab a shovel. 138 00:06:04,926 --> 00:06:07,328 You're closer. What is this stuff, anyway? 139 00:06:07,329 --> 00:06:08,963 Sauerkraut... 140 00:06:08,964 --> 00:06:10,998 or it will be, once it's done fermenting. 141 00:06:11,032 --> 00:06:12,732 [chuckling] 142 00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:18,523 That kid of ours needs to learn he can't stand 143 00:06:18,524 --> 00:06:21,276 around all day with his thumb up a comic book. 144 00:06:21,277 --> 00:06:24,578 Look, you retired, and the gas station is his now. 145 00:06:24,612 --> 00:06:28,649 Let him run it his way. The old ways aren't always the best. 146 00:06:28,717 --> 00:06:31,151 Says the woman burying cabbage in the dirt. 147 00:06:31,153 --> 00:06:33,754 Why are we making our own sauerkraut anyway, 148 00:06:33,788 --> 00:06:38,125 - like German cavemen? - Because the old ways are the best. 149 00:06:38,193 --> 00:06:41,128 You can buy this stuff for two bucks a can. 150 00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:42,830 [chuckles] 151 00:06:44,799 --> 00:06:48,769 Ha! A buck eighty. This'll show her. 152 00:06:48,803 --> 00:06:51,756 Hello? I want to buy something, 153 00:06:51,757 --> 00:06:53,374 if anyone even works here! 154 00:06:53,408 --> 00:06:57,644 Ha! Typical. I could rob this place blind, and... 155 00:06:57,679 --> 00:06:59,379 hmm.... 156 00:06:59,748 --> 00:07:00,748 [Brent] What the hell? 157 00:07:00,749 --> 00:07:03,050 Hi, Brent. How's it... 158 00:07:03,084 --> 00:07:06,253 - Hey, where's all your groceries? - No clue. 159 00:07:06,254 --> 00:07:07,954 Maybe there was some kind of food rapture 160 00:07:07,956 --> 00:07:10,991 and it's all up in convenience store heaven. 161 00:07:10,993 --> 00:07:12,860 [angelic choir] 162 00:07:12,927 --> 00:07:16,263 Fie! Whence came this contemptible heap? 163 00:07:16,297 --> 00:07:18,665 Hey, King, they've got Mars bars! 164 00:07:18,733 --> 00:07:22,166 Mmm... way ahead of you, spaceman. Hmph. 165 00:07:22,930 --> 00:07:25,490 _ 166 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:28,775 No, that can't be right. The devilled ham is gone too. 167 00:07:28,777 --> 00:07:30,878 Hello, my boy, I... 168 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,813 Well, hold the phone. What has happened here? 169 00:07:32,847 --> 00:07:34,382 Ah, I see. 170 00:07:34,383 --> 00:07:36,650 The criminal mastermind returns to the scene. 171 00:07:36,684 --> 00:07:40,020 This is terrible. No food and no gas? 172 00:07:40,088 --> 00:07:41,755 Maybe now it's time to... 173 00:07:41,756 --> 00:07:44,825 - oh, I don't know... panic?! - Yeah, most experts agree 174 00:07:44,826 --> 00:07:47,194 that panic is the best reaction in any crisis, 175 00:07:47,262 --> 00:07:48,696 but just so we're clear, 176 00:07:48,697 --> 00:07:50,697 you're saying you didn't pinch my groceries 177 00:07:50,765 --> 00:07:54,001 - to teach me some stupid lesson? - I most certainly did not, 178 00:07:54,035 --> 00:07:55,702 and furthermore, I resent the instigation. 179 00:07:55,703 --> 00:07:56,737 [chuckling] 180 00:07:56,738 --> 00:07:58,806 Good day to you. 181 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,376 [panting] I hate this foot stuff. 182 00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:04,178 - It's called "walking." - I miss the car. 183 00:08:04,245 --> 00:08:06,180 That's where all the fun cop gizmos are. 184 00:08:06,214 --> 00:08:09,049 Loudspeaker, siren, shotgun... 185 00:08:09,117 --> 00:08:11,752 Let's not consider the shotgun a "gizmo." 186 00:08:11,786 --> 00:08:14,054 Karen, Davis, what's going on around here? 187 00:08:14,056 --> 00:08:16,056 There's no gas at the gas station, 188 00:08:16,090 --> 00:08:19,259 and now, there's no food. Are we in the end times? 189 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:20,227 End times? 190 00:08:20,228 --> 00:08:23,096 End times?! That doesn't sound good. 191 00:08:24,065 --> 00:08:26,733 Here. Hey, where's all your stuff? 192 00:08:26,734 --> 00:08:28,869 I have reason to believe my dad stole it, 193 00:08:28,903 --> 00:08:30,437 even though I have no hard proof. 194 00:08:30,438 --> 00:08:32,406 [creaking] 195 00:08:32,474 --> 00:08:35,309 - Lots of soft proof. - Why would he do that? 196 00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:39,146 I'd say "lunatic" probably the best bet. [sips, spits] 197 00:08:39,147 --> 00:08:42,883 - There's a toe in my coffee! - It's not coffee, it's soup. 198 00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:44,985 You brought me a coffee cup full of toe soup? 199 00:08:45,019 --> 00:08:46,854 It was a bean. Honestly... 200 00:08:46,888 --> 00:08:48,522 you feel something unexpected in your mouth, 201 00:08:48,523 --> 00:08:50,157 and your first thought is "toe"? 202 00:08:50,158 --> 00:08:52,926 Beans and toes have a very similar shape. 203 00:08:52,961 --> 00:08:54,895 My tongue doesn't have eyes, Lacey. 204 00:08:54,929 --> 00:08:56,864 [sighing] This town is killing me. 205 00:08:56,898 --> 00:08:58,765 I tried one little change to the vegetable soup 206 00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:01,201 and everyone hates it. What do you think? 207 00:09:01,202 --> 00:09:02,870 I'm not a good judge. 208 00:09:02,871 --> 00:09:05,839 I'm still a bit traumatized by the toe thing. 209 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,929 [music] 210 00:09:13,882 --> 00:09:14,915 Urgh... 211 00:09:14,916 --> 00:09:18,551 Damn raccoons are back. Where's my B.B. gun? 212 00:09:18,553 --> 00:09:20,220 Ow! 213 00:09:20,221 --> 00:09:21,122 Ow! Ow! 214 00:09:21,123 --> 00:09:22,790 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 215 00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:26,393 End times? What is that, a biblical thing? 216 00:09:26,427 --> 00:09:30,063 [panting] Hold up, let's rest a minute. 217 00:09:30,098 --> 00:09:32,900 This town must be half a mile across. 218 00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:36,837 We should do this more often. It's... Hang on... 219 00:09:37,238 --> 00:09:40,507 What do we have here, Little Miss Breaking Bad? 220 00:09:40,542 --> 00:09:42,376 Am I getting a blister? 221 00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:45,913 - Sorry about the soup thing. - Nah, forget it. 222 00:09:45,947 --> 00:09:47,915 - Can I get a chili cheese dog? - Nope. 223 00:09:47,916 --> 00:09:50,150 - We're all out of food. - Out of food? 224 00:09:50,151 --> 00:09:51,985 Word got out about your place being empty, 225 00:09:51,987 --> 00:09:53,954 and everyone got panicky. 226 00:09:53,988 --> 00:09:55,055 They bought me out of everything. 227 00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:58,606 Even hot dogs?! [dramatic music] 228 00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:01,060 Uh, yeah. 229 00:10:02,539 --> 00:10:03,672 Apparently, word spread 230 00:10:03,673 --> 00:10:06,041 that there was no food at Corner Gas, so everyone panicked, 231 00:10:06,243 --> 00:10:08,677 and there was a run on this place, on my place, 232 00:10:08,712 --> 00:10:09,912 every place that has food. 233 00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:12,948 Won, you must have some hot dogs somewhere. 234 00:10:13,016 --> 00:10:15,723 In a freezer, maybe? Hotdog freezer? 235 00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:17,253 Nope. Out of pretty much everything. 236 00:10:17,254 --> 00:10:18,922 How could you let this happen? 237 00:10:18,923 --> 00:10:20,923 This is very unprofessional, Won. 238 00:10:20,925 --> 00:10:23,759 You know, I was going to drive into the city and get some supplies, 239 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,962 but I can't get any gas for some reason. 240 00:10:26,996 --> 00:10:29,932 Yeah, well, that's... that's a whole different... 241 00:10:29,999 --> 00:10:30,999 complicated... 242 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,669 and as for you, you should be more upset about this! 243 00:10:33,670 --> 00:10:36,238 This could be my chance to force everyone... 244 00:10:36,272 --> 00:10:40,075 I mean, provide everyone opportunity to try something different. 245 00:10:40,076 --> 00:10:43,632 Won, you must have something left... anything. 246 00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:47,349 All I have left is a frozen beef shank and some licorice allsorts. 247 00:10:47,383 --> 00:10:49,785 "Best before 1997"? 248 00:10:49,787 --> 00:10:52,221 Look, you can win tickets to see the Spice Girls. 249 00:10:52,255 --> 00:10:54,156 I'll take the shank. 250 00:10:55,759 --> 00:10:57,459 [bubbling] 251 00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:04,166 Ah! What the crap? 252 00:11:04,167 --> 00:11:06,235 What happened to your face? 253 00:11:06,302 --> 00:11:08,670 Emma shot me about 20 times with her B.B. gun. 254 00:11:08,738 --> 00:11:11,951 She's got a good eye. Wonder if she plays Call of Duty. 255 00:11:11,986 --> 00:11:13,007 Why would she shoot you? 256 00:11:13,042 --> 00:11:15,644 I mean, I'm all for it, but why specifically? 257 00:11:15,678 --> 00:11:19,915 She has sauerkraut in the ground, fermenting for our fuel thing. 258 00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:22,251 My fuel thing. So head back there and get it. 259 00:11:22,252 --> 00:11:24,953 No way. She's got the garden on lockdown. 260 00:11:24,954 --> 00:11:27,322 It's like Starlog 17 over there. 261 00:11:27,324 --> 00:11:29,792 [over PA] Attention, citizens of Dog River. 262 00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:32,995 Be advised your police are on foot patrol, 263 00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:36,031 and does anyone have a Band-Aid for a blister? 264 00:11:36,033 --> 00:11:38,333 Pretty cool, eh? We can make our own gizmos. 265 00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:39,535 You didn't make that. 266 00:11:39,536 --> 00:11:41,370 It has a loudspeaker button right on it. 267 00:11:41,404 --> 00:11:42,304 Jealous! 268 00:11:42,305 --> 00:11:45,107 Knock it off. I'm worried about Wanda. 269 00:11:45,141 --> 00:11:47,342 Her garage looked like a drug lab. 270 00:11:47,410 --> 00:11:50,346 Drug lab, pfft. Could be any kind of lab. 271 00:11:50,347 --> 00:11:52,874 Name me another kind of lab. 272 00:11:52,909 --> 00:11:54,082 Chocolate Lab? 273 00:11:54,083 --> 00:11:56,218 You think she's running a puppy mill in there? 274 00:11:56,252 --> 00:12:00,355 She could be a drug czar, like her hero, Jean Claude-Vachon. 275 00:12:00,357 --> 00:12:03,325 No way. Wanda doesn't have the three things 276 00:12:03,326 --> 00:12:04,360 every drug czar has... 277 00:12:04,361 --> 00:12:08,697 - weapons, money, and jewelry. - I wear jewelry. 278 00:12:08,698 --> 00:12:10,265 Are you trying to tell me something? 279 00:12:10,266 --> 00:12:12,768 Hey, Lacey, let me see a menu. 280 00:12:12,802 --> 00:12:14,369 We're out of everything on the menu, 281 00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:16,371 and there's nowhere in town to buy anything else. 282 00:12:16,373 --> 00:12:20,210 This town is falling apart, just like I said. 283 00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:23,178 [sniffing] Wait... I smell something cooking. 284 00:12:23,179 --> 00:12:24,146 [laughing] 285 00:12:24,147 --> 00:12:26,381 - Smells good. - That's Osso Bucco. 286 00:12:26,382 --> 00:12:29,051 - Oh, gross! - You just said it smelled good. 287 00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:31,053 What's with you and weird food? 288 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,056 Grosso Bucco, Keno soup... 289 00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:37,893 Make some non-foreign food, like spaghetti or tacos. 290 00:12:37,894 --> 00:12:40,028 Well, that's all I have, so if you don't want it, 291 00:12:40,029 --> 00:12:41,897 you can have crackers and tap water. 292 00:12:41,899 --> 00:12:44,767 - What kind of crackers? - Imaginary crackers. 293 00:12:45,635 --> 00:12:48,437 - Animal crackers? - There are no crackers! 294 00:12:50,306 --> 00:12:54,543 Honestly, Dad... your hideout is 30 feet away? 295 00:12:55,245 --> 00:12:56,511 Let's see if the old spare key 296 00:12:56,512 --> 00:12:59,281 is in the same place it's always been. 297 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:05,888 Yep. Same old place. 298 00:13:06,890 --> 00:13:07,856 Busted. 299 00:13:07,857 --> 00:13:11,726 Okay, Dad... you teach me a lesson, I teach you a lesson. 300 00:13:13,863 --> 00:13:17,366 Ooh, hey, Emma. Whatcha doing? Sitting? 301 00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:19,368 What gave it away, the chair? 302 00:13:19,402 --> 00:13:20,903 [forced chuckle] 303 00:13:20,904 --> 00:13:24,006 Indeed. No, just making idle chit-chat, 304 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,408 as neighbours and friends will do on a lovely day 305 00:13:26,409 --> 00:13:28,043 such as we're experiencing today. 306 00:13:28,044 --> 00:13:30,412 - Are you drunk? - I wish! 307 00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:34,549 Hey, snazzy gun you got there. What is that, a Magnum? 308 00:13:34,550 --> 00:13:36,542 - Colt .45? - Pellet. 309 00:13:36,577 --> 00:13:39,187 [Wanda] Oh, cool. Can I see it? 310 00:13:39,222 --> 00:13:40,456 Hmm... 311 00:13:40,457 --> 00:13:44,127 This blister's getting bad. You might have to piggy-back me. 312 00:13:44,128 --> 00:13:46,795 So you'll have a blister and I'll have a hernia? 313 00:13:46,863 --> 00:13:48,163 Maybe Emma has a Band-Aid. 314 00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:50,933 Hey, Emma! You got a Band-Aid? 315 00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:54,202 - Probably. - [Davis] Hi, Wanda. Nice gun. 316 00:13:54,203 --> 00:13:57,439 So Wanda has a weapon. Check! 317 00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:58,874 Hey, Hank. 318 00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:02,911 - Aw, you fall asleep in the park again? - Huh? 319 00:14:02,912 --> 00:14:05,481 No, uh... this is work-related face dirt, 320 00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:08,216 [chuckles] and I worked up an appetite. 321 00:14:08,251 --> 00:14:11,321 Well, we only have one thing today... Osso Bucco. 322 00:14:11,322 --> 00:14:14,157 Costco Boofo? Sounds weird, but affordable. 323 00:14:14,158 --> 00:14:17,092 - It's not weird. It's a classic European... - I'm out. 324 00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:19,962 Yeah, well... you probably couldn't handle it anyway. 325 00:14:19,963 --> 00:14:21,964 - I could handle it. - As if you could. 326 00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:24,232 Bring me a bowl... or glass... 327 00:14:24,233 --> 00:14:25,501 or whatever it is! 328 00:14:25,502 --> 00:14:26,869 [slurping] 329 00:14:26,870 --> 00:14:29,304 Mm. [all gasping] Hey! 330 00:14:29,305 --> 00:14:31,340 Hard as it is to believe, this is pretty good. 331 00:14:31,341 --> 00:14:32,474 What do you mean... 332 00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:34,176 - Bring me a bowl. - I'll have one too. 333 00:14:34,243 --> 00:14:37,312 I had a quarter tank of gas in my car, 334 00:14:37,347 --> 00:14:39,314 and now, it's completely empty! 335 00:14:39,349 --> 00:14:41,516 Really? Oh, you know what? 336 00:14:41,517 --> 00:14:43,251 That might be partly my fault. 337 00:14:43,286 --> 00:14:46,230 I did take it for a wee spin around. 338 00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:49,858 Got kind of dizzy, to be honest. 339 00:14:49,926 --> 00:14:51,326 Why the hell would you do that? 340 00:14:51,327 --> 00:14:54,496 I-I think I was just so upset about the whole food thing. 341 00:14:54,497 --> 00:14:57,199 I guess I got a little panicky... which is good, right? 342 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,968 So I borrowed your car and drove it around 343 00:14:59,969 --> 00:15:02,504 at a high rate of speed looking for the thief who stole my food. 344 00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:05,207 Anyhoo, turns out, and here's the weird part... 345 00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:08,043 the food was in the trunk of your car the whole time! 346 00:15:08,111 --> 00:15:10,880 Like, whoever the thief is, he's pretty stupid. 347 00:15:10,881 --> 00:15:13,882 I mean, leaving the evidence in my own father's car? 348 00:15:13,884 --> 00:15:16,051 Uh-huh, I see. Okay. 349 00:15:16,053 --> 00:15:19,106 Well, this is far from over, buddy boy... 350 00:15:20,123 --> 00:15:23,992 is what the thief is probably thinking right about now. 351 00:15:26,972 --> 00:15:29,907 Hey, I hear everyone's enjoying your Rene Russo? 352 00:15:29,941 --> 00:15:32,009 That's right. It's new, it's different, 353 00:15:32,076 --> 00:15:34,845 it's not called Rene Russo, but people are loving it! 354 00:15:35,079 --> 00:15:38,849 I don't want to say "I told you so," but it is so, 355 00:15:38,851 --> 00:15:41,718 and I was the one who told you. So... 356 00:15:41,719 --> 00:15:44,021 So... you'll call me when there's hot dogs? 357 00:15:44,023 --> 00:15:46,690 Hey, Karen. Hey, Davis. What's up? 358 00:15:46,692 --> 00:15:49,059 - All your food is back. - My food was gone? 359 00:15:49,127 --> 00:15:50,661 But it's back. No need to panic. 360 00:15:50,662 --> 00:15:51,929 I wasn't planning on panicking. 361 00:15:51,930 --> 00:15:55,165 Well, you'd be the only one... which begs the question... 362 00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:58,035 why are you so calm and... mellow? 363 00:15:58,102 --> 00:16:02,139 - Probably a reasonable explanation. - Oh, there is. 364 00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:04,875 Suffice to say, I've come into a good amount of cabbage, 365 00:16:04,943 --> 00:16:08,512 and that's going to ramp things up for me real fast. 366 00:16:08,546 --> 00:16:10,614 [whistling] 367 00:16:10,648 --> 00:16:11,648 Ugh, wish I could whistle. 368 00:16:11,649 --> 00:16:14,851 "Cabbage" is gang talk for money. 369 00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,954 If you're in a gang with Spanky and Alfalfa. 370 00:16:16,988 --> 00:16:20,190 Who? All I know is... gun? Check! 371 00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:22,059 Money? [static] Check! 372 00:16:22,061 --> 00:16:24,027 Stop doing that! 373 00:16:24,062 --> 00:16:27,331 - What are you doing now? - If you must know, 374 00:16:27,332 --> 00:16:30,067 I'm going to wire up the phone at Corner Gas 375 00:16:30,069 --> 00:16:33,570 so when Brent picks it up, he'll get a powerful electric shock. 376 00:16:33,572 --> 00:16:36,240 And why do you want to give him an electric shock, 377 00:16:36,241 --> 00:16:37,975 which I'll be stopping you from doing. 378 00:16:38,009 --> 00:16:40,711 It'll remind him to call the gas truck for a delivery. 379 00:16:40,712 --> 00:16:44,548 No, it'll remind him that his father is a crazy person. 380 00:16:44,582 --> 00:16:46,717 Shock therapy is solid science. 381 00:16:46,751 --> 00:16:49,087 The current travels from here to... [screaming] 382 00:16:49,088 --> 00:16:51,722 Give me that before you kill... [screaming] 383 00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:53,357 [laughing] 384 00:16:53,358 --> 00:16:54,758 It smarts, don't it? 385 00:16:54,759 --> 00:16:56,560 [screaming] 386 00:16:56,594 --> 00:16:58,294 [laughing] 387 00:16:58,796 --> 00:17:00,496 What was I doing? 388 00:17:01,232 --> 00:17:03,133 [Lacey] Can I have your attention, everybody? 389 00:17:03,201 --> 00:17:05,836 Just letting you know that I am back in the kitchen 390 00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:07,904 whipping up a couple new and exciting dishes 391 00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:10,040 that I'm sure you'll all enjoy. 392 00:17:10,074 --> 00:17:12,109 What kind of weirdness is it now? 393 00:17:12,176 --> 00:17:14,911 Weirdness? Haven't you learned anything from this? 394 00:17:14,912 --> 00:17:16,880 Haven't you learned we don't like new things? 395 00:17:16,914 --> 00:17:20,183 - We've been very up-front about this. - Oh, sure, this stuff's not bad. 396 00:17:20,184 --> 00:17:21,884 That doesn't mean we want to spend our lives 397 00:17:21,886 --> 00:17:24,721 on the constant razor's edge of the unknown. 398 00:17:24,756 --> 00:17:25,790 Come on, Brent. 399 00:17:25,791 --> 00:17:28,725 Help me out here with this screwy Dog River logic. 400 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,360 Well... here's a bit of logic. 401 00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:32,964 How did you make a couple new, exciting dishes back there 402 00:17:32,965 --> 00:17:35,108 when you said you were out of food? 403 00:17:35,266 --> 00:17:38,534 Well... [laughing] the thing is... 404 00:17:39,837 --> 00:17:44,608 about that... is... 405 00:17:44,642 --> 00:17:48,178 - just.... - This feels like stalling. 406 00:17:48,179 --> 00:17:50,247 There's no emergency! 407 00:17:50,281 --> 00:17:52,282 You have food! You lied to everyone. 408 00:17:52,317 --> 00:17:54,618 You lied to me about having no hot dogs. 409 00:17:54,686 --> 00:17:56,320 So I told a tiny fib. 410 00:17:56,321 --> 00:17:58,822 I just wanted people to broaden their horizons. 411 00:17:58,824 --> 00:18:00,724 We got nothing but horizons around here. 412 00:18:00,758 --> 00:18:03,393 Fine. I'm sorry... 413 00:18:03,394 --> 00:18:04,995 although, for the record, I didn't lie to you. 414 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:08,632 - There really are no hot dogs. - Oh. Well, all right, then. 415 00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:12,102 So you're not upset about me lying to everyone else? 416 00:18:12,136 --> 00:18:13,770 I can't be worried about everything, Lacey. 417 00:18:13,771 --> 00:18:15,639 We're in the middle of a hot dog crisis here. 418 00:18:15,873 --> 00:18:20,177 Behold, the fruits of my scientific mind. 419 00:18:20,179 --> 00:18:21,345 Ethanol. 420 00:18:21,346 --> 00:18:26,350 I... have made... fuel! 421 00:18:26,352 --> 00:18:29,354 - Bit dramatic, don't you think? - Tom Hanks in Castaway? 422 00:18:29,355 --> 00:18:31,188 Over the top when he did it too. 423 00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:32,222 [Karen] Freeze! 424 00:18:32,223 --> 00:18:34,191 - [Hank] Hi, guys. - Hi. 425 00:18:34,192 --> 00:18:35,459 What's up? 426 00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:38,428 Well, what do you think is up, Wanda White? 427 00:18:38,463 --> 00:18:40,030 We're busting your meth lab. 428 00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,799 Meth lab? We're not making meth. 429 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,070 Ecstasy? [mouthing "No."] 430 00:18:45,105 --> 00:18:47,471 - Aspirin? - We just made cabbage fuel. 431 00:18:47,472 --> 00:18:50,841 - I made cabbage fuel. - I got shot in the face for it. 432 00:18:50,842 --> 00:18:52,309 See? They're not making illegal drugs. 433 00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:55,213 They're just making fuel. See you later. 434 00:18:55,214 --> 00:18:58,415 Davis! Making your own fuel is illegal too. 435 00:18:58,483 --> 00:19:01,251 - It is? - It is? Huh. 436 00:19:01,285 --> 00:19:03,954 Well... look, there must be some way 437 00:19:03,955 --> 00:19:08,158 we can make this minor indiscretion go away. Hmm? 438 00:19:08,159 --> 00:19:10,460 No more stupid foot patrol. 439 00:19:10,495 --> 00:19:13,830 It's time to get Tom Cruiser back on the road. 440 00:19:13,865 --> 00:19:15,900 Wait. Maybe we should test this fuel 441 00:19:15,901 --> 00:19:19,302 on something else first... besides our only patrol car. 442 00:19:19,337 --> 00:19:23,774 Wanda knows what she's doing. She went to college. 443 00:19:23,808 --> 00:19:26,243 Hey, Mom. Hey, Can-burglar. 444 00:19:26,244 --> 00:19:29,045 Okay, that's enough. I dragged your father over here 445 00:19:29,046 --> 00:19:31,214 so you can both look each other in the eye 446 00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:34,317 and apologize for being so pig-headed. 447 00:19:34,352 --> 00:19:36,620 Okay. Mom's right. 448 00:19:36,621 --> 00:19:39,389 This did get out of hand, and I was too slack, 449 00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:41,158 and I'll be more responsible in the future. 450 00:19:41,159 --> 00:19:43,894 Nice. Now it's your turn, Oscar. 451 00:19:43,895 --> 00:19:46,430 I'm not going to apologize for being right! 452 00:19:46,464 --> 00:19:48,498 The town turned completely bonkers, 453 00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:51,034 - just like I said it would. - It only went bonkers 454 00:19:51,035 --> 00:19:54,271 because Captain Bonkers was at the helm of the S.S. Bonkers, 455 00:19:54,272 --> 00:19:57,040 and ploughed it right up onto the jagged shores 456 00:19:57,074 --> 00:19:59,109 - of Bonker-ton-ville. - What? 457 00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:01,912 He knows what I mean. Without him, the town would be fine. 458 00:20:01,946 --> 00:20:03,280 [exploding] 459 00:20:03,281 --> 00:20:04,949 Aren't you glad I convinced you 460 00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:08,385 - to try it on something else first? - I guess. 461 00:20:08,386 --> 00:20:11,421 Not glad it was my lawnmower. 462 00:20:11,456 --> 00:20:16,126 - We might've made rocket fuel. - I made rocket fuel. 463 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:20,263 Oscar, we're not leaving 'til you apologize. 464 00:20:20,298 --> 00:20:23,033 All right, all right. If it'll make you both shut up... 465 00:20:23,067 --> 00:20:24,469 I'm sorry I took all your canned goods, 466 00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:26,303 and I'm sorry I called the gas company 467 00:20:26,305 --> 00:20:28,872 - and cancelled your next delivery truck. - Thank you. 468 00:20:28,873 --> 00:20:30,540 Thank you. Wait, you did what? 469 00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:32,108 Had to teach you a lesson, 470 00:20:32,109 --> 00:20:35,979 so I called and cancelled the fuel delivery for another week. [chuckles] 471 00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:38,483 - Lunatic. - You really are an idiot. 472 00:20:38,484 --> 00:20:42,118 You're the one who wouldn't let me shock the boy! 473 00:20:43,869 --> 00:20:45,969 Okay, do you have the list of things I need? 474 00:20:45,971 --> 00:20:49,607 Yep, I have it right here. Hot dogs... 475 00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:54,145 There are other things on that list besides hot dogs. 476 00:20:54,146 --> 00:20:56,314 When I get the hot dogs, I'll look at the rest of the list. 477 00:20:56,315 --> 00:20:57,648 They'll, uh... 478 00:20:57,649 --> 00:21:00,643 they'll let me carry gas on the bus, right? 479 00:21:05,141 --> 00:21:07,669 [music] 480 00:21:10,696 --> 00:21:12,063 ♪ I don't know ♪ 481 00:21:12,064 --> 00:21:14,565 ♪ The same things you don't know ♪ 482 00:21:17,970 --> 00:21:19,971 ♪ I don't know ♪ 483 00:21:20,039 --> 00:21:23,141 ♪ I just... don't know ♪ 484 00:21:25,144 --> 00:21:27,645 ♪ Ooh ♪ 485 00:21:27,713 --> 00:21:29,402 ♪ It's a great big place ♪ 486 00:21:29,437 --> 00:21:31,115 ♪ Ooh ♪ 487 00:21:31,150 --> 00:21:33,190 ♪ Full of nothing but space ♪ 488 00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:34,986 ♪ Ooh ♪ 489 00:21:35,054 --> 00:21:37,829 ♪ It's my happy place ♪ 490 00:21:37,973 --> 00:21:40,563 [Brent] Visit us at cornergas.com 491 00:21:40,664 --> 00:21:43,764 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 38395

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