All language subtitles for Black-ish - 04x08 - Charity Case.KILLERS.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,031 --> 00:00:02,523 DRE: Americans love charity. 2 00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:05,250 The only thing we love more than charity 3 00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,805 is being recognized for doing charity. 4 00:00:07,907 --> 00:00:12,410 I mean, Angelina Jolie has a specific charity outfit. 5 00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:15,574 Don't get me wrong... she brings a lot of joy 6 00:00:15,652 --> 00:00:17,115 to children around the world, 7 00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,769 but she also brings camera crews. 8 00:00:19,839 --> 00:00:23,011 And these days, everyone's getting in on the action. 9 00:00:23,129 --> 00:00:26,113 Athletes wear their charitable acts on their sleeves 10 00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:28,415 and cleats and mouth guards 11 00:00:28,517 --> 00:00:31,352 and those little hand-drying-towel thingies. 12 00:00:31,454 --> 00:00:34,321 And everyone wore LIVESTRONG bracelets 13 00:00:34,423 --> 00:00:38,017 until Lance Armstrong turned out to be a cheater. 14 00:00:38,096 --> 00:00:41,431 Every cause imaginable has a ribbon 15 00:00:41,533 --> 00:00:43,933 that people can wear to show off their support. 16 00:00:44,035 --> 00:00:46,035 I don't even know what that one's for. 17 00:00:46,137 --> 00:00:47,670 He might just like ribbons. 18 00:00:47,772 --> 00:00:49,872 But despite America's obsession 19 00:00:49,974 --> 00:00:52,008 with getting attention for giving back, 20 00:00:52,110 --> 00:00:53,476 that's not me. 21 00:00:53,578 --> 00:00:56,045 I like to keep a low profile. 22 00:00:56,147 --> 00:00:58,481 Okay, maybe not with all my choices. 23 00:00:58,583 --> 00:01:01,517 But when it comes to charity, I'm just not that guy. 24 00:01:01,619 --> 00:01:05,521 Congratulations, Dre. You are our new charity guy. 25 00:01:05,623 --> 00:01:07,724 I don't think I'm the right person for this. 26 00:01:07,826 --> 00:01:08,925 [SCOFFS] I'm sorry. 27 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,893 I didn't mean to make it sound like you had a choice. 28 00:01:10,995 --> 00:01:14,397 ♪ 29 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:17,603 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 30 00:01:17,681 --> 00:01:20,382 ♪ 31 00:01:20,508 --> 00:01:22,408 Okay, so why me? 32 00:01:22,494 --> 00:01:24,728 Dre, seeing as you run our urban division, 33 00:01:24,830 --> 00:01:26,797 and "urban" and "poverty" mean the same thing, 34 00:01:26,899 --> 00:01:28,665 it feels like you're the natural choice 35 00:01:28,767 --> 00:01:30,000 to lead our new campaign. 36 00:01:30,102 --> 00:01:31,935 So, is that supposed to make me feel better? 37 00:01:32,037 --> 00:01:34,204 [CHUCKLING] Dre, I don't care how you feel. 38 00:01:34,306 --> 00:01:37,707 Now, State Farm has hired us to work on 39 00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:39,776 their Neighborhood of Good website. 40 00:01:39,878 --> 00:01:42,179 It helps people give back to their community. 41 00:01:42,281 --> 00:01:43,380 Well, I'm out. 42 00:01:43,482 --> 00:01:45,949 I already fulfilled my community service requirements 43 00:01:46,051 --> 00:01:47,717 for freeing those turtles. 44 00:01:47,820 --> 00:01:50,187 Shame they couldn't clear the highway in time. 45 00:01:50,289 --> 00:01:53,089 Well, I, for one, love giving back. 46 00:01:53,192 --> 00:01:54,191 I mean, how else are people 47 00:01:54,293 --> 00:01:55,525 supposed to know that you're rich? 48 00:01:55,627 --> 00:01:58,128 Plus, for every one good public deed you do, 49 00:01:58,230 --> 00:02:00,497 you get to do three evil ones in private. 50 00:02:00,599 --> 00:02:01,498 That's right. 51 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,133 Connor pulled a puppy dog 52 00:02:03,235 --> 00:02:04,701 out of the L.A. River last night, 53 00:02:04,803 --> 00:02:06,336 so watch your backs, people. 54 00:02:06,438 --> 00:02:07,771 Someone has a hall pass! 55 00:02:07,873 --> 00:02:08,772 [LAUGHS] 56 00:02:08,874 --> 00:02:10,640 I think giving back is great. 57 00:02:10,742 --> 00:02:12,309 It gets you into the sickest galas. 58 00:02:12,411 --> 00:02:15,312 Hey, remember that fete to end the decimation of the rainforest? 59 00:02:15,414 --> 00:02:16,646 Oh, boy. 60 00:02:16,748 --> 00:02:19,049 You know what really got decimated that night? 61 00:02:19,151 --> 00:02:21,184 ♪ The dance floor, the dance floor ♪ 62 00:02:21,286 --> 00:02:24,054 - [IMITATES TECHO BEAT] - This is what I hate. 63 00:02:24,156 --> 00:02:25,455 It's not about giving back. 64 00:02:25,557 --> 00:02:27,457 It's about the parties and how it makes you look. 65 00:02:27,559 --> 00:02:29,893 You... You always make it about yourselves. 66 00:02:29,995 --> 00:02:32,295 Look, the Leslie Stevens Aquatic Center 67 00:02:32,397 --> 00:02:35,832 for the Leslie Stevens Swim Team isn't about Leslie Stevens. 68 00:02:35,934 --> 00:02:37,133 - No? - No! 69 00:02:37,236 --> 00:02:39,736 It's about those hardworking kids... 70 00:02:39,838 --> 00:02:43,306 Phelpsy and... Swimmy and Nemo and... 71 00:02:43,408 --> 00:02:45,141 Obviously, I don't know their real names, 72 00:02:45,244 --> 00:02:46,510 but that's not the point. 73 00:02:46,612 --> 00:02:48,612 I went to school with a Swimmy Jenkins. 74 00:02:48,714 --> 00:02:49,613 He drowned. 75 00:02:49,715 --> 00:02:51,915 So wait. You don't give back at all, Dre? 76 00:02:52,017 --> 00:02:53,817 No, I write plenty of checks. 77 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:55,919 I just choose to do it anonymously. 78 00:02:56,021 --> 00:02:57,254 I do things anonymously, too. 79 00:02:57,356 --> 00:02:58,688 I just make sure to have an alibi. 80 00:02:58,790 --> 00:02:59,856 He's... He's not joking. 81 00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:01,791 Okay, can we just all agree 82 00:03:01,894 --> 00:03:03,727 that we give in different ways, 83 00:03:03,829 --> 00:03:06,863 mine being the best, and let's get back to work? 84 00:03:06,965 --> 00:03:10,000 So, people log on to NeighborhoodOfGood.com 85 00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:11,334 and type in their zip code 86 00:03:11,436 --> 00:03:13,436 to find a local cause they care about. 87 00:03:13,539 --> 00:03:16,318 Oh, look, there's a retirement home near my house. 88 00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:20,211 - DRE: Oh. - My dad can never find out. Deal? 89 00:03:20,312 --> 00:03:22,479 ♪ 90 00:03:22,581 --> 00:03:23,813 RUBY: Hey, new driver! 91 00:03:23,916 --> 00:03:26,716 ALL: Congratulations! 92 00:03:26,818 --> 00:03:28,985 I failed to yield! 93 00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:31,288 How do you fail a driving test? 94 00:03:31,390 --> 00:03:34,090 It's not entirely his fault. 95 00:03:34,192 --> 00:03:35,292 Okay, son. 96 00:03:35,394 --> 00:03:36,893 Driving 101. 97 00:03:36,995 --> 00:03:39,296 Now, you mess up, and you kill your father. 98 00:03:39,398 --> 00:03:41,498 And park! 99 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,900 Your other shoulder, dummy! 100 00:03:44,002 --> 00:03:45,068 [TIRES SQUEAL] 101 00:03:45,170 --> 00:03:47,437 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 102 00:03:47,539 --> 00:03:49,773 That cone, that was your mama! Now she's dead! 103 00:03:49,875 --> 00:03:50,840 Aah! 104 00:03:50,943 --> 00:03:53,510 Don't worry. You will get it next time, okay? 105 00:03:53,612 --> 00:03:54,578 All right, honey. 106 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,379 That's right, baby. 107 00:03:57,683 --> 00:03:59,182 - Hey! - You don't want to eat that. 108 00:03:59,284 --> 00:04:00,650 Your mama made it, 109 00:04:00,752 --> 00:04:03,119 and you've tasted enough failure for one day. 110 00:04:03,221 --> 00:04:05,055 Sorry I ruined the party, guys. 111 00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:06,389 Don't be sorry. 112 00:04:06,491 --> 00:04:08,458 It's our fault for believing in you. 113 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:09,526 [BALLOON POPS] 114 00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:11,294 You did this. 115 00:04:12,264 --> 00:04:13,396 All right, that's enough. 116 00:04:13,465 --> 00:04:15,265 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 117 00:04:17,736 --> 00:04:19,235 I blew it, Grandma. 118 00:04:19,338 --> 00:04:23,473 Every teenager dreams about driving their siblings around. 119 00:04:23,575 --> 00:04:26,309 With Zoey leaving, I wanted to step up. 120 00:04:26,378 --> 00:04:27,777 Now there's a power vacuum. 121 00:04:27,879 --> 00:04:30,046 Like when Jermaine went solo. 122 00:04:30,115 --> 00:04:33,783 Or like before Cersei Lannister took over at King's Landing. 123 00:04:33,885 --> 00:04:36,319 Ooh, it's hard sometimes to root for you, baby. 124 00:04:36,388 --> 00:04:38,755 Now, if you really want the little ones 125 00:04:38,824 --> 00:04:41,324 to respect you like they respect Zoey, 126 00:04:41,426 --> 00:04:42,659 you got to earn it. 127 00:04:42,728 --> 00:04:44,227 Try doing something cool, 128 00:04:44,329 --> 00:04:47,464 like teach them how to turn a soda can into a pipe 129 00:04:47,566 --> 00:04:49,499 like my sister taught me! 130 00:04:49,601 --> 00:04:50,700 [CHUCKLES] 131 00:04:50,802 --> 00:04:53,069 Is Grandma's idea illegal now? 132 00:04:53,171 --> 00:04:55,372 It was never legal? 133 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:59,342 All I'm saying is do something nice for the babies. 134 00:04:59,444 --> 00:05:00,377 Okay. 135 00:05:00,479 --> 00:05:01,845 You can die in war, 136 00:05:01,947 --> 00:05:04,714 but you can't smoke out of a soda can. 137 00:05:04,816 --> 00:05:08,118 So, Stevens put me in charge of the campaign of giving back. 138 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:11,006 - Uh-huh. - Then they judged me on how I give back. 139 00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,477 I'm a generous man! 140 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:14,312 Yeah, Dre, you're generous. 141 00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:17,782 I mean, it's usually in the form of checks. 142 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,083 You don't really get involved. 143 00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:20,318 And you do? 144 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:23,654 I spent two weeks fixing cleft palates 145 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,656 in Honduras last year. 146 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,091 [CHUCKLING] That's involved. 147 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,128 Oh, okay, you would think that I would remember that, do... 148 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,829 Was this during March Madness? 149 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:33,464 - Ohh! - Come on! No! 150 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:35,633 - [LAUGHS] - No! Oh, man! 151 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:36,634 [LAUGHS] 152 00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,569 Oh, hey, babe. How was your day? 153 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,105 My day? Dre, I've been gone for two weeks. 154 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,774 You were supposed to pick me up at the airport. 155 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,243 - Was I? - No, I was. 156 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,712 You were supposed to pick up the kids after soccer practice. 157 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:48,813 Ooh. 158 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,249 We had to cross a freeway! 159 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,050 All I'm saying is that giving your time 160 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,118 is very meaningful, Dre. 161 00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:55,620 Like, maybe you can come with me 162 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,856 when I go down and volunteer at St. Mark's. 163 00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:01,726 Bow, you know I don't [Bleep] with homeless people. 164 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,996 How can you have beef with the world's neediest people? 165 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,999 I can't explain it, all right? They just freak me out. 166 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,535 Kinda like the way you are with grown people with braces. 167 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,837 You should have done it when you were 10 years old. 168 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,305 You missed your window. 169 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:15,940 - It's disgusting. - [SCOFFS] 170 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,643 Sweetie, just start small, you know? 171 00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,745 Take a bag of clothes from your closet. 172 00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:23,114 Babe! I wear all of my clothes. 173 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,650 You have six green jackets, Dre. 174 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,786 They're not just green. 175 00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:32,156 These two are exactly the same. 176 00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:34,559 Well, this one is for a cool morning 177 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,460 that's gonna turn into a hot day, 178 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:37,962 and this one is for a hot day 179 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,764 that's gonna turn into a cool evening. 180 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,667 - Dre... - Okay, okay, Bow. 181 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,202 Just one bag, all right? 182 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:47,071 But my green leather jacket is off the table. 183 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,006 - Babe, this is green leather. - Yeah. 184 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:52,510 You just don't find that. It finds you. 185 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,612 What are you do... What are you doing? 186 00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:55,813 What are you doing? 187 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:56,981 I'm wearing it to bed. 188 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,851 Dr... You're gonna sweat, babe. 189 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,686 As I was hauling my ass across town 190 00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:05,089 to prove how charitable I was, it hit me... 191 00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:07,325 if shelters really wanted help, 192 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,094 they would be more conveniently located. 193 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,830 But then the universe gave me a gift 194 00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:17,134 in the form of a homeless man who looked like a 46 regular. 195 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:20,905 I gave him everything. 196 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,474 ♪ 197 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,943 Except those limited-edition Huaraches. 198 00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:28,112 I'm not Gandhi. 199 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,648 Listen up, siblingos. 200 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:34,185 Guess who's taking you on an adventure tomorrow? 201 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,653 - Bah! - [CAR ALARM BLARING] 202 00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,822 That was the panic button. 203 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:40,258 I cannot seem to turn it off. 204 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,326 But you can't drive us! 205 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:43,794 You failed the test! 206 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,130 [BLARING CONTINUES] 207 00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:47,398 Really? 208 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,432 [BLARING STOPS] 209 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:49,734 But I can drive you 210 00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:53,004 if someone in the car is over 25. 211 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,006 And not to brag, but I know someone 212 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,208 who's significantly over 25. 213 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,010 Significantly? 214 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,745 I don't know who you talking about, little boy. 215 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:01,746 Sorry, Grandma. 216 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:03,414 Mm-hmm. Now, listen. 217 00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,917 When we are out in the streets [CHUCKLES] 218 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,386 do not call me "Grandma." 219 00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:10,321 Okay... 220 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,689 Big Mama J. 221 00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:14,258 Got it, Big Mama J. 222 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,561 Who is ready to take a trip to... 223 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,463 [IMITATING DRUMROLL] 224 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,032 Why isn't he using the table? 225 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,133 I don't know. 226 00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:25,436 ...the California Science Center?! 227 00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:27,138 Yeah! 228 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,606 - Why? - Hard pass. 229 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,741 No. W-Wait. You haven't even heard the best part. 230 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:31,876 We're not going? 231 00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,578 No, they have an exhibit called the Rot Room 232 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,515 where you can watch a possum rot in real time. 233 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,551 Which part do you think the maggots eat first? 234 00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:43,187 Spoiler alert... it's the eyes. 235 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,623 - [RUBY LAUGHS] - I get it. 236 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:48,092 The classic bait and switch. 237 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,394 Say you're doing something terrible 238 00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:53,798 but actually going somewhere amazing. 239 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,801 No, we're actually going to the Science Center. 240 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,169 Okay, fine, baby. 241 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,538 Don't tell us where we're really going. 242 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:01,772 Is it SeaWorld? 243 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,308 Thanks for the ride, Dre. 244 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,043 I'm leaving my car at the office 245 00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:08,713 so Stevens thinks I'm at work all the time. 246 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,414 But won't he know you're not there? 247 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:14,218 Way to go, Charles. Burning the midnight oil. 248 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,656 That CPR dummy actually got me a raise. 249 00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,291 And it taught me CPR. 250 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,293 [INDISTINCT TALKING OVER RADIO] 251 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:32,236 ♪ 252 00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:36,040 ♪ 253 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,209 Dre, do you believe that a person 254 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,544 can simultaneously be in two places, 255 00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:43,147 effectively bending the space-time continuum? 256 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,382 No. 257 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:47,151 Because you're right here, but you're also over there. 258 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,020 [CHUCKLES] Oh, no, man. 259 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,489 That's just a homeless dude I gave some clothes to. 260 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,791 I'm kind of a hero. No big deal. 261 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:55,793 No, no, no. It is a big deal. 262 00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:57,161 Especially when you find out 263 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,729 your secret twin walks the Earth. 264 00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:00,931 Damn, he got that hat cocked just right. 265 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:04,735 Outdoor Dre puts together stuff way better than you do. 266 00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:05,903 Less matchy-matchy. 267 00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:08,072 Ha! No, man, you're crazy, man. 268 00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,640 That dude is nothing like me. 269 00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:11,142 [LIKE DRE] Ha! 270 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,944 ♪ 271 00:10:14,544 --> 00:10:16,177 DRE: Can you believe that there's a homeless man out there 272 00:10:16,232 --> 00:10:18,208 - that looks like me? - What are you talking about, Dre? 273 00:10:18,271 --> 00:10:20,977 I'm talking about the man I gave all my clothes to 274 00:10:21,039 --> 00:10:22,054 on the street this morning. 275 00:10:22,142 --> 00:10:23,207 You didn't go to the shelter? 276 00:10:23,309 --> 00:10:24,575 Of course I didn't. 277 00:10:24,644 --> 00:10:26,077 Nobody wants to go to a shelter. 278 00:10:26,179 --> 00:10:28,346 People in shelters don't want to go to a shelter. 279 00:10:28,414 --> 00:10:31,582 So, you gave your clothes to a homeless man 280 00:10:31,684 --> 00:10:34,218 and you're upset because he's wearing them? 281 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:35,219 Yes! 282 00:10:35,321 --> 00:10:37,188 Most people feel good 283 00:10:37,290 --> 00:10:39,390 when they help out the less fortunate. 284 00:10:39,492 --> 00:10:40,825 Think about it, Bow. 285 00:10:40,927 --> 00:10:43,528 If he robs a bank, I go to jail for 10 years. 286 00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:45,329 If he skips out on tipping the barista, 287 00:10:45,398 --> 00:10:46,764 somebody's spitting in my drink! 288 00:10:46,866 --> 00:10:49,967 Yeah, those are two equally terrible outcomes. 289 00:10:50,069 --> 00:10:51,502 - [DOORBELL RINGS] - See?! 290 00:10:51,604 --> 00:10:53,538 Hey, Janine. 291 00:10:53,606 --> 00:10:55,740 - Hey, Bow. - Hey. [LAUGHS] 292 00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:57,575 Oh, I got to tell you something, 293 00:10:57,677 --> 00:10:59,076 and I don't know how to say it. 294 00:10:59,145 --> 00:11:00,711 Oh, well, then let's just skip it. 295 00:11:00,813 --> 00:11:02,857 - You know me... - [BOTH LAUGH] Yeah. 296 00:11:02,904 --> 00:11:04,174 ...and I don't like to get in other people's business. 297 00:11:04,284 --> 00:11:07,118 I do not at all know that. 298 00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:08,853 Gal to gal, 299 00:11:08,955 --> 00:11:11,989 there's something... you should know. 300 00:11:12,058 --> 00:11:15,359 I was getting my post-shrink, pre-yoga coffee 301 00:11:15,461 --> 00:11:17,962 when I saw Dre passed out on a bench. 302 00:11:18,031 --> 00:11:20,831 I didn't touch him. 303 00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:24,468 No, it's... it's not weird. He's my neighbor. 304 00:11:24,571 --> 00:11:26,804 Janine, that wasn't Dre. 305 00:11:26,873 --> 00:11:29,440 Of course it wasn't. I know all about denial. 306 00:11:29,509 --> 00:11:30,875 When I caught Bruce cheating, 307 00:11:30,977 --> 00:11:32,376 I told myself all kinds of things. 308 00:11:32,478 --> 00:11:33,911 You know, that it was just a fling, 309 00:11:34,013 --> 00:11:36,247 that his Instagram account had been hacked. 310 00:11:36,316 --> 00:11:39,550 That it... That it wasn't my sister. 311 00:11:39,652 --> 00:11:41,185 - Mm. - You know what? 312 00:11:41,287 --> 00:11:42,653 I'm here for you, 313 00:11:42,722 --> 00:11:46,357 as is the rest of this community. 314 00:11:46,426 --> 00:11:48,960 - What... I don't... - What have you done, Janine? 315 00:11:49,062 --> 00:11:50,895 I think you're in a lot more trouble than you believe. 316 00:11:50,964 --> 00:11:53,064 Like, you're in some deep, deep, like, trouble, 317 00:11:53,166 --> 00:11:54,498 - like, deeper than... - Yep. Okay. 318 00:11:54,601 --> 00:11:57,134 Dre, there is a homeless man out there 319 00:11:57,237 --> 00:11:58,636 parading through the streets as you. 320 00:11:58,738 --> 00:12:00,738 Don't just sit there. Do something! 321 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,206 So now it's on because the white woman 322 00:12:02,308 --> 00:12:03,541 got you to see it my way, huh? 323 00:12:03,643 --> 00:12:05,176 - Exactly. - Yep. 324 00:12:05,278 --> 00:12:07,445 Okay, I've got the Purell, and the Purell you Purell with 325 00:12:07,513 --> 00:12:09,513 once you close the cap on the first Purell. 326 00:12:09,616 --> 00:12:11,015 Let's get this show on the road. 327 00:12:11,117 --> 00:12:13,484 Zoey usually lets us listen to the hip-hop station 328 00:12:13,553 --> 00:12:15,286 that doesn't bleep out the bad words. 329 00:12:15,388 --> 00:12:16,887 Well, I'll do you one better. 330 00:12:16,990 --> 00:12:19,790 I've got a podcast about South Asian geopolitics 331 00:12:19,892 --> 00:12:22,159 that will blow your hair back. 332 00:12:22,228 --> 00:12:25,029 Hey, you're losing them fast. 333 00:12:25,131 --> 00:12:26,797 ♪ 334 00:12:26,899 --> 00:12:29,567 I had to do something about my homeless twin, 335 00:12:29,669 --> 00:12:32,236 so I went to someone who knows how to think 336 00:12:32,338 --> 00:12:34,038 outside the box. 337 00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:35,873 - What the hell? - Sorry, Dre. 338 00:12:35,975 --> 00:12:38,743 I had to set up Chauncey because I had to go to the bathroom. 339 00:12:38,811 --> 00:12:40,578 And then check out a movie. What's up? 340 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,880 Man, this homeless dude is in my head. 341 00:12:42,949 --> 00:12:44,282 I need to do something about him. 342 00:12:44,384 --> 00:12:45,516 Take him out. 343 00:12:45,618 --> 00:12:46,684 - What? - Got it. 344 00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:49,253 I'm honored that you would come to me, Dre. 345 00:12:49,355 --> 00:12:51,822 But know this... a time will come 346 00:12:51,924 --> 00:12:53,858 where I will demand the same from you as well. 347 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,026 What? No. 348 00:12:55,128 --> 00:12:56,661 No, Charlie, I know this sounds bad, man. 349 00:12:56,729 --> 00:12:58,829 I just need people to stop thinking he's me. 350 00:12:58,931 --> 00:13:00,097 I'm not homeless. 351 00:13:00,199 --> 00:13:01,565 Oh. 352 00:13:01,668 --> 00:13:03,000 Maybe I should change up my look. 353 00:13:03,102 --> 00:13:06,170 No. You can't change up your matchy-matchy look, Dre. 354 00:13:06,272 --> 00:13:07,738 That's your look. 355 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,175 Here you are in dope bleached denim. Hmm? 356 00:13:11,277 --> 00:13:14,111 What about that wine-colored, fur-collared bomber jacket, huh? 357 00:13:14,213 --> 00:13:15,479 - Yeah. - And here you are, 358 00:13:15,581 --> 00:13:18,249 rocking head-to-toe Givenchy. 359 00:13:18,318 --> 00:13:20,084 And people said it couldn't be done. 360 00:13:20,186 --> 00:13:21,419 [SCOFFS] But I did it. 361 00:13:21,521 --> 00:13:22,820 You did that. 362 00:13:22,922 --> 00:13:24,455 I forgot I posted these pics. 363 00:13:24,557 --> 00:13:28,059 Uh, uh, you didn't. It was on your wife's feed. 364 00:13:28,161 --> 00:13:30,594 And why did she stop posting early-morning selfies? 365 00:13:30,663 --> 00:13:32,296 - What? - Nothing. 366 00:13:32,398 --> 00:13:33,698 Get him some new clothes. 367 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,533 Swap them out for your old ones. 368 00:13:35,635 --> 00:13:37,001 That's not a bad idea. 369 00:13:37,103 --> 00:13:40,004 And neither is early-morning selfies. 370 00:13:40,106 --> 00:13:42,506 Just mention it. 371 00:13:42,608 --> 00:13:46,177 WOMAN: In the 17th century, the Hmong people of Cambodia 372 00:13:46,279 --> 00:13:48,145 mostly stayed in the mountains 373 00:13:48,247 --> 00:13:51,148 to fend off the incursions of the Hen Warriors. 374 00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:52,550 Primarily... 375 00:13:52,652 --> 00:13:54,518 [CELLPHONE RINGS] 376 00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:56,253 - Who dis? - MAN: Hey, Ruby. 377 00:13:56,356 --> 00:13:57,288 What are you wearing? 378 00:13:57,390 --> 00:13:59,056 I'm over here butt-ass naked. 379 00:13:59,158 --> 00:14:00,458 Excuse me, sir. 380 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,226 - This is a PG car. - [LAUGHTER] 381 00:14:02,328 --> 00:14:04,161 No, no, no. I-It's a wrong number. 382 00:14:04,263 --> 00:14:05,663 Wrong number! 383 00:14:05,765 --> 00:14:07,598 I'll call you back, Francis. 384 00:14:08,835 --> 00:14:10,735 DIANE: What are you doing? Where are we going? 385 00:14:10,837 --> 00:14:12,536 We're low on wiper fluid. 386 00:14:12,638 --> 00:14:14,071 Forgot to check before we left. 387 00:14:14,173 --> 00:14:16,974 I am sorry I put you all at risk. 388 00:14:20,313 --> 00:14:22,279 [THUD] 389 00:14:22,382 --> 00:14:23,280 Uh-oh. 390 00:14:23,383 --> 00:14:24,382 It's fine. 391 00:14:24,484 --> 00:14:26,217 You barely scratched the paint. 392 00:14:26,319 --> 00:14:27,718 I better leave a note. 393 00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,220 What are you talking about? 394 00:14:29,322 --> 00:14:30,888 I've seen Dad take off a side mirror 395 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,790 with a shopping cart and not even blink. 396 00:14:32,892 --> 00:14:35,626 Hurry up so we can go to the place I don't want to go to. 397 00:14:35,728 --> 00:14:42,299 ♪ 398 00:14:42,402 --> 00:14:45,770 Um. Well, uh... [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] 399 00:14:45,872 --> 00:14:47,471 guess we have to wait for him to get back 400 00:14:47,573 --> 00:14:49,940 so I can explain it to him in person. 401 00:14:50,042 --> 00:14:51,642 Don't worry. I've got a podcast 402 00:14:51,744 --> 00:14:54,345 about the Armenian genocide, so... 403 00:14:54,447 --> 00:14:56,013 What is wrong with this dude? 404 00:14:56,115 --> 00:15:00,284 DRE: So was I stealing my stuff back from a homeless man? 405 00:15:00,386 --> 00:15:03,087 Yes. But I was doing him a favor. 406 00:15:03,189 --> 00:15:06,857 My dope Gucci threads made him a target on the streets. 407 00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:10,528 He's actually safer with cheap sweats from a big-box store. 408 00:15:10,630 --> 00:15:12,596 But as I looked at his stuff, 409 00:15:12,698 --> 00:15:16,333 I realized this wasn't just a homeless version of me. 410 00:15:16,436 --> 00:15:20,704 This was a real person, a man who has a life. 411 00:15:21,774 --> 00:15:23,941 I'm moving, I'm moving, I'm moving. 412 00:15:24,043 --> 00:15:26,477 Hey, no, no, no, no. It's cool, man. 413 00:15:26,579 --> 00:15:27,578 It's cool. 414 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,713 Hey, uh... 415 00:15:29,816 --> 00:15:31,449 let me buy you a cup of coffee. 416 00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:33,317 You're not gonna talk to me about God, are you? 417 00:15:33,419 --> 00:15:34,985 No, we straight, man. 418 00:15:35,087 --> 00:15:36,854 We cool. Just coffee. 419 00:15:38,952 --> 00:15:42,803 Look at this. Whole bag of orange, 2 bucks! 420 00:15:42,874 --> 00:15:46,943 Look at this... a concert t-shirt for 5 bucks. 421 00:15:47,045 --> 00:15:50,179 There's no "K" in Tyrese. Is there? 422 00:15:50,218 --> 00:15:53,683 Junior?! How did you not notice this earlier?! 423 00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:55,885 - What? - It's bright orange! 424 00:15:55,987 --> 00:15:59,203 I-I saw it. I just thought it was a super cool hubcap. 425 00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:00,847 We've been waiting around forever 426 00:16:00,949 --> 00:16:03,350 for someone whose dead body is probably in that trunk. 427 00:16:03,452 --> 00:16:06,486 You know what? Forget it. Let's just go home. 428 00:16:06,588 --> 00:16:08,288 Well, what about the Science Center? 429 00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:11,124 What's the point? It closes in half an hour. 430 00:16:11,226 --> 00:16:14,060 Oh! SeaWorld's open till 9:00. 431 00:16:14,163 --> 00:16:15,629 We were never going to SeaWorld. 432 00:16:15,731 --> 00:16:17,497 I wasn't sure what I was going to say, 433 00:16:17,599 --> 00:16:19,065 but it turned out Greg and I 434 00:16:19,134 --> 00:16:21,067 had more in common than we realized. 435 00:16:21,170 --> 00:16:23,737 - But the Fox Hill Mall was the spot! - Yeah, man. 436 00:16:23,839 --> 00:16:25,906 I got caught shoplifting at the Penney's there. 437 00:16:26,008 --> 00:16:28,942 - Me too! - BOTH: Ha! 438 00:16:29,044 --> 00:16:30,877 Yo, thanks for the clothes, man. 439 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:32,746 People are always trying to give me some stained shirts 440 00:16:32,848 --> 00:16:34,447 or some old, off-brand sweats. 441 00:16:34,516 --> 00:16:35,982 Oh, well, you know, at least you're getting 442 00:16:36,084 --> 00:16:37,584 some new off-brand sweats. 443 00:16:37,686 --> 00:16:38,652 Those are nice. 444 00:16:38,754 --> 00:16:40,387 They okay. 445 00:16:40,489 --> 00:16:42,289 But the stuff you hooked me up with, man, 446 00:16:42,357 --> 00:16:44,224 made me feel good about myself. 447 00:16:44,326 --> 00:16:45,859 I'm glad it made a difference. 448 00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,260 It did, man. 449 00:16:47,362 --> 00:16:49,996 Hey, it's not every day you get a Tom Ford blazer. 450 00:16:50,098 --> 00:16:53,033 [LAUGHS] I... I gave you my Tom Ford? 451 00:16:53,135 --> 00:16:55,836 [CHUCKLES] That was in the bag to go to the cleaners, 452 00:16:55,938 --> 00:16:58,505 but, uh... enjoy. 453 00:16:59,608 --> 00:17:00,774 Ha! 454 00:17:00,876 --> 00:17:02,943 Ha... 455 00:17:04,513 --> 00:17:07,414 Hey. How was the Science Center? 456 00:17:07,482 --> 00:17:08,782 - We didn't even get there. - What? 457 00:17:08,884 --> 00:17:10,817 We spent all our time at a gas station. 458 00:17:10,886 --> 00:17:14,621 I wanted to deliver a fun and informative outing, 459 00:17:14,723 --> 00:17:17,290 but instead they got street oranges. 460 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:18,692 It was a total waste of a day. 461 00:17:18,794 --> 00:17:19,860 Mm. 462 00:17:19,928 --> 00:17:21,928 Well, not a total waste. 463 00:17:22,030 --> 00:17:23,697 Today, I learned more from that gas station 464 00:17:23,799 --> 00:17:24,965 than I learned from Mom ever. 465 00:17:25,067 --> 00:17:26,166 Hey! 466 00:17:26,268 --> 00:17:28,602 Yeah, she never lets us get out and wander. 467 00:17:28,670 --> 00:17:30,670 'Cause that's how kids get snatched! 468 00:17:30,772 --> 00:17:32,772 But there was so much cool stuff in there. 469 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:34,875 This thing is shaped like a tree 470 00:17:34,977 --> 00:17:36,476 and it smells like a tree. 471 00:17:36,545 --> 00:17:37,878 Plus, I got a t-shirt 472 00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:39,679 and these Boost Mobile burner phones. 473 00:17:39,781 --> 00:17:40,847 Burner phones? 474 00:17:40,949 --> 00:17:42,649 Shh! We need those for a thing. 475 00:17:42,751 --> 00:17:43,850 Oh, good call. Good call. 476 00:17:43,952 --> 00:17:45,452 RUBY: I'll talk to you later, Francis. 477 00:17:45,554 --> 00:17:46,987 And put on some clothes. 478 00:17:47,089 --> 00:17:48,021 - Oh, Grandma! - Huh? 479 00:17:48,123 --> 00:17:49,456 Will you chaperone again tomorrow? 480 00:17:49,558 --> 00:17:51,558 We want Junior to take us on the freeway. 481 00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:53,226 Come on. Say you'll drive us. 482 00:17:53,328 --> 00:17:55,295 We have side bets going to see if you'll cry, so... 483 00:17:55,397 --> 00:17:56,763 Mm... 484 00:17:56,865 --> 00:17:58,198 - I'm down. - Yes! 485 00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:01,301 But that's a sucker's bet. I'm definitely gonna cry. 486 00:18:01,403 --> 00:18:03,303 [LAUGHTER] 487 00:18:03,372 --> 00:18:05,705 I didn't tell Bow about my shameless plan 488 00:18:05,807 --> 00:18:07,774 to steal a homeless man's clothes, 489 00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:10,310 but I did tell her about my time with Greg. 490 00:18:10,412 --> 00:18:13,647 It was weird, babe. We have a lot in common. 491 00:18:13,749 --> 00:18:17,117 We both hate the Lakers, we both are fans of Tom Ford, 492 00:18:17,185 --> 00:18:20,186 and we both got our ears pierced at the Fox Hills Mall. 493 00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:23,323 See? Doesn't giving back feel good? 494 00:18:23,425 --> 00:18:25,058 - Here's the thing, though. - Hmm. 495 00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:26,059 It didn't. 496 00:18:26,161 --> 00:18:29,129 - What? - It felt scary. 497 00:18:29,197 --> 00:18:31,364 He's just like me. 498 00:18:31,466 --> 00:18:34,100 Babe, a-a-and spending time with him made me realize 499 00:18:34,169 --> 00:18:37,337 that my life could've gone very differently. 500 00:18:37,439 --> 00:18:38,872 Sweetie, you can't think like that. 501 00:18:38,974 --> 00:18:40,807 It's hard not to. 502 00:18:40,909 --> 00:18:43,009 You know, when I was growing up, 503 00:18:43,111 --> 00:18:45,679 it felt like we were always just one paycheck away 504 00:18:45,781 --> 00:18:47,013 from being homeless ourselves. 505 00:18:47,115 --> 00:18:48,114 Mm. 506 00:18:48,216 --> 00:18:50,417 One slipup, one missed day of work 507 00:18:50,519 --> 00:18:52,218 and we would have been in that shelter. 508 00:18:52,321 --> 00:18:53,520 Mm. 509 00:18:53,622 --> 00:18:55,555 I guess that's why I don't [Bleep] with the homeless. 510 00:18:55,657 --> 00:18:57,891 Okay, there has got to be 511 00:18:57,993 --> 00:18:59,993 - a better way for you to say that. - It... 512 00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:01,161 And I know it's awkward, 513 00:19:01,229 --> 00:19:04,497 but maybe because you do relate, 514 00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:06,399 you could make more of a difference. 515 00:19:06,501 --> 00:19:08,101 - You're right. - Mm-hmm. 516 00:19:08,203 --> 00:19:09,903 And it did feel good not to be anonymous. 517 00:19:10,005 --> 00:19:12,839 Right? Listen. 518 00:19:12,941 --> 00:19:15,575 - When I went to Tegucigalpa... - Mm-hmm. 519 00:19:15,677 --> 00:19:18,178 ...and I saw the faces of those needy children... 520 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:20,513 Babe, we're still talking about me. 521 00:19:20,615 --> 00:19:21,614 - Oh, wow. - [DOORBELL RINGS] 522 00:19:21,717 --> 00:19:22,849 - Hel... - [STAMMERS] 523 00:19:22,951 --> 00:19:24,718 [WHISPERS] Don't... Don't say anything. 524 00:19:24,820 --> 00:19:25,819 - What? - Shh. 525 00:19:25,921 --> 00:19:28,221 JANINE: Bow, Dre? I-I know you're in there. 526 00:19:28,323 --> 00:19:30,857 I made you some lasagna, seeing as how you guys... 527 00:19:30,959 --> 00:19:33,426 - Oh, my God, this woman. - ...are in a super bad place right now. 528 00:19:33,528 --> 00:19:35,128 - I don't. - It's still real hot. 529 00:19:35,230 --> 00:19:37,364 - Baby, I don't eat red meat. - It's p-piping hot, actually. 530 00:19:37,466 --> 00:19:38,765 - I'm just gonna set it here on your... - [BOTH STAMMERING] 531 00:19:38,867 --> 00:19:40,800 - ...your welcome... Ah! Oh, boy. - [CLATTER] 532 00:19:40,902 --> 00:19:42,035 Okay, I dropped it. 533 00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,937 - Okay. - Top layer's a little wonky now. 534 00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:46,072 - She dropped it. - Oh, there's marinara everywhere. 535 00:19:46,174 --> 00:19:48,708 - It's like a murder scene. - Just leave it! 536 00:19:53,738 --> 00:19:56,129 Ugh, the trash is full. 537 00:19:56,336 --> 00:20:00,122 Who is throwing away a perfectly good Tykrese shirt? 538 00:20:00,278 --> 00:20:10,185 ♪ 539 00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,309 ♪ 540 00:20:11,379 --> 00:20:13,212 Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Get out of there. 541 00:20:13,266 --> 00:20:15,321 H-Hey, Janine. It's okay. It's me. 542 00:20:15,361 --> 00:20:16,393 Oh, hey, Dre. 543 00:20:16,495 --> 00:20:19,329 Oh, man. Bow said you'd fallen on hard times. 544 00:20:19,432 --> 00:20:20,931 What was it? Gambling? Drugs? 545 00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:22,966 Prostitution? An unholy trifecta? 546 00:20:23,069 --> 00:20:25,035 Thank you, Janine, but we're doing just fine. 547 00:20:25,137 --> 00:20:27,438 Okay, I know. You don't want charity, so I'm just gonna leave 548 00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:31,675 an untouched KFC family bucket in the trash around 5:30. 549 00:20:31,777 --> 00:20:33,043 You guys like wings, right? 550 00:20:33,145 --> 00:20:34,378 - No, Janine, we're... - You know what? 551 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:35,713 Beggars can't be choosers. [LAUGHS] 552 00:20:35,815 --> 00:20:36,914 God bless. 553 00:20:37,016 --> 00:20:38,582 The kids will eat anything if they're hungry enough. 554 00:20:38,684 --> 00:20:40,284 You know what I mean? 555 00:20:40,386 --> 00:20:43,992 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 40884

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