Original subtitles

That's me, Walter.

I have the best life in the whole world.

That's my brother, Gary.

He's the best friend you could ever have.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

We could be twins.

Here's where we live.

Small town.

The best town you could ever grow up in.

Gary and I did everything together.

And as the years passed, my brother was always there for

me.

We were a great team.

Well,

don't get me wrong.

It's not perfect.

Nothing is.

Sorry, kid.

Even the sunniest days can have a few clouds in them.

Ride's bogus anyway.

Hey, want to run a video? Yeah.

Race you home.

And that night sort of changed everything.

It's the Muffin Show with our very special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin.

I found them.

I guess you could say I was their number one fan.

Oh, Gary, it's an entire map of the Muppet Studios.

And they made all the difference.

Because from then on... Hey, guys. Oh, hey, Gary. Hi-ho, guys.

Yay!

What is this?

1978?

Even on the worst days.

I knew that as the years passed, as long as there

are singing frogs and joking bears, Swedish chefs and boomerang fish,

the world can't be such a bad place after all.

All right. Good night, buddy.

Good night, Gary.

And as long as there are Muppets.

For me, there's still hope.

Hey,

animal! Hey, animal! Come on, the show's about to start! Show! Show!

Hey,

Walter, why don't you join us?

Walter, are you okay, buddy?

You're drenched in sweat. Did you have the dream again?

Um, no.

Hey, so when are you guys leaving today?

Oh, um, just a couple hours now.

Oh, wow, Gary, I think it is so cool you're taking Mary to Los Angeles.

I can't believe you guys have been dating for ten years.

I know. Yeah, she wanted to do something special for this anniversary, and she's

always wanted to see Los Angeles, so... Hey, don't forget to send me a postcard

from the Muppet Studios.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.

I can't do that, Walter.

But, Gary... Because you're coming with us!

Oh, Gary!

But what about Mary? She's fine. She said the more the merrier. I don't know

what to say.

The Muppet Studios are there, Gary. I can't believe this.

Better get a move on. We don't want to miss that bus.

No way.

Who knows?

Maybe Kermit will be there. I wouldn't get your hopes up, buddy.

The Muppets haven't put on a show together in years.

I don't think they use the studios for anything but tours anymore.

Yeah, I think that's just an internet rumor. Like there's a country called

Turkey. How many times do we have to go over this? Turkey is a very real

country. Muppet Studios?

I can't believe it!

Everything is great.

Everything is grand.

I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand.

Everything is perfect.

It's falling into place.

I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face.

Life's a happy song when there's someone by my side to sing along.

When you're alone, life can be a little rough.

It makes you feel like you're three foot tall.

When it's just you, well times can be tough.

When there's no one there to catch your fall.

Everything is great.

Everything is grand.

I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand.

Everything is perfect.

It's falling in place.

I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face.

Life smells like a rose. With someone to paint. And someone to pose. Life's a

piece of cake.

With someone to pedal. And someone to break. Life is full of glee.

With someone to saw. And someone to see. Life's a happy song. When there's

someone by my side to sing along.

Life drives everything that I need right in front of me.

Nothing's stopping me. Nothing that I can't be with you right here next to me.

Life's a piece of cake with someone to give.

Life's a piece of pie with someone to wash.

Life's an easy road with someone beside you to share the load. Life is full of

heights with someone to stir and someone to fly.

With someone there to lend a hand. Life's a bunch of flowers.

With someone to while away the hours. Life's a fillet of fish. Hey!

Yes, it is. Life's a happy song.

With someone by your side to sing along.

Everything that I need right in front of me.

Nothing's stopping me. Nothing that I can't be with you right here next to me.

I've got everything that I need right in front of

me. Sorry. I was super excited.

All right, Carlos.

Flip the ignition.

And that is how you fix the 12-volt starter.

Oh, you know what that means.

Spring break.

It's okay. We'll be back to studying in two weeks. Yay!

Have a nice vacation.

Bye. Have fun. Have a good break, guys. Hey, great job, Carlos.

Thanks. Enjoy your anniversary dinner. Hi.

I got you these.

Oh, sorry.

That's probably from the dance number I was doing. It's okay.

They're really sweet.

You excited for our big trip to L.A.? I have our list.

Me too.

Oh, this is the most romantic thing ever. I've always dreamt of seeing Los

Angeles. I know. Walter can't wait either.

You don't mind that he's coming, right?

No. No, of course not. As long as we can spend our anniversary dinner together,

that's all I ask.

Totally. It's going to be the most romantic anniversary dinner ever.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

I'm gonna go check on Walter.

Get down on one knee and say, Mary, will you marry me?

I've got everything that I need.

Nothing's stopping me Nothing that I can't be with you right here next to me

You've got everything that you need Right in front of

you Nothing's stopping you Nothing that you can't do Let the world keep throwing

to you Life's a happy song When there's someone by your side to sing Life's a

happy song When there's someone by your side, sing life's a happy song. When

there's someone by your side, sing along.

Hey, Gary, what should we do first at Muppet Studio?

Because I was thinking that maybe we could start at Fozzie's Joke Room,

but... Oh, no, wait, wait, wait. The lines might be shorter at Honeydew's

Laboratory of Fun, so maybe we should start there instead. I just... I just

can't wait!

Walter, don't be nervous.

Oh, I know. I just can't believe I'm here.

The home of the Muppets.

What happened to this place?

Where is everyone, Gary?

I don't know, buddy. It's so... Oh.

Okay, well, I guess you guys are it for today.

Anyway, welcome to the original Muppet Studio, where dreams can come true.

Is this the Universal Studios?

Yes, it is.

Okay, now if you'll just follow me, please.

Okay, this used to be Kermit's office.

It's really the highlight of the tour.

You should see it sometime.

Okay, this next building is where they kept the rope and the medium gauge wire

for the productions.

Let's go take a look.

Come on, buddy.

Now this here is Kermit the Frog's old office.

Or so we've been told.

Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've loved the Muppets since I was a boy.

And what better way to honor the Muppets than to make this beautiful studio a

Muppet museum?

I think I'll call this room the Kermit the Frog's old office room.

Good one, Mr. Richmond.

Now, this here is the standard room. rich and famous contract Kermit signed

30 years ago that contains... The deed to this property.

Exactly. Now, this contract is 100% ironclad, with one minor exception.

If the Muppets can raise the $10 million it would cost to buy the building before

this contract expires... Then they get their studio back.

You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of an

important plot point.

Well, I hope so. Otherwise, I'd just board the audience half to death.

You mean half the audience is still alive?

It's nice doing business with you. Yes, sir.

Come on. Bye.

I love geriatric humor.

Gentlemen, there's oil under this studio.

Yeah, I can smell it.

And more importantly, the geological survey says there definitely is. In two

weeks, we tear this place to the ground and start drilling.

Ah, those Muppets.

They think they're so funny.

Well, it looks like the joke's about to be on them.

Maniacal laugh.

Maniacal laugh.

Maniacal laugh.

Maniacal laugh.

Walter! Walter!

Walter!

Yes,

and then, when he thought they were alone, he said, there's oil under this

studio, see?

I'm going to tear it to the ground, see?

Sweet, sweet oil, see?

People still talk like that? Maybe that's just how he sounded in my head.

Either way, we've got to find Kermit.

He'll know what to do.

How do we find Kermit? Nobody's seen him in years.

Stop the car!

I've got an idea.

This is delicious.

Great idea, Walter.

We've been doing this for a long time. I think maybe we should call it a night.

Guys! We can't give up, Gary.

I know, but it's getting really late. Maybe we should just go back to the

motel. Guys!

What?

Maybe he lives there.

Oh, that's it.

So what do we do now?

I don't see a doorbell.

And the house looks empty.

Gary, throw me over.

What? Carrie, just throw me over already.

Okay.

Okay, here we go.

One, two, three.

That's good.

Sorry. No, it's good. Guys, I think that's an electric fence.

Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.

Okay, buddy, head down. One, two, three.

It's an electric fence.

Yep.

Oh, my gosh.

Walter? Walter, buddy?

Walter, can you hear me?

Throw me again.

No, I don't think that's a good idea. What kind of throw was that?

Guys, I think there's somebody coming.

Excuse me.

You okay?

That was quite a tumble.

Oh, oh, oh, look, look.

I think, hey, hey, Walter?

Walter, you all right, buddy?

Where am I?

Okay, this is awesome.

We're at Kermit's house.

Oh, jeez. No, no, no, no, no. Walter? You okay?

This, this is Kermit's house?

Anyhow, how can I help you guys?

Let me just say, this is an honor for all of us to meet you, sir.

But my brother Walter has some really disturbing news for you. Good evening,

ladies and gentlemen.

Not now, 80s Robot.

Might I offer you a drink?

Tab. Good grief. New Coke.

Listen, not right now, 80s Robot. Please. Bummer.

Oh, gag me with a spoon.

Head for the door.

Brody to the max.

Ow.

Ow.

I'm really sorry about that. Ow.

Walter, what were you saying? Ah, yes.

Tex Richmond, the oil baron... Yes, yes, yes. Oil baron Tex Richmond, the wealthy

philanthropist. You know, he's about to buy our old Muppet Show theater and turn

it into a Muppet Museum. Isn't that great?

No! I mean... I think what Walter's trying to tell you is that Tex Richmond

has a secret plan to tear down the theater and drill for oil.

What? The only way to save the studio is to raise $10 million.

$10 million?

That's impossible, but I mean the only way to raise that kind of money would be

to Would be to put on a show I Haven't seen the old gang

in a long long time I

Guess people sort of forgot about us

Is there more I could have said?

Now there are only pictures in my head.

That's why my green is feeling gray.

Sometimes even frogs have rainy days.

Remember when the stage caved in while you were rocking out?

Who'd have thought your smorgasbord would be hard to live without

If we could do it all again

Just another chance to entertain

Would anybody watch or even care

Or did something break we can't repair

Your cannonball trajectory, it always gave me hope.

They may have been unbearable, but I still loved your jokes.

Is there more I could have said?

Now there are only pictures in my head.

I didn't do it. I've been framed.

What the what the?

Gonzo the Great will ride this baby again.

This furniture dicky has born this fin de chicky.

This legato tune is pos-a-lutely, most transparently bringing me down. For

sure. One, two and a half.

Could we do it all again?

Make them laugh like we did then

We

can harmonize for one more song

But I'm standing here instead

Now there are only pictures in my head

It sounds like you guys aren't getting back together anytime soon.

This is going to be a really short movie.

But, Kermit, you have to try.

The Muppets are amazing.

You give people the greatest gift that can ever be given.

Children? No, the other gift.

Ice cream?

No, no, after that.

Laughter? Yes!

The third greatest gift ever!

Kermit! Your fans never left you. The world hasn't forgotten.

All you need to do is show them again.

I don't think so, guys.

Don't you see, Kermit?

It's time to play the music.

It's time to light the lights.

It's time to meet the Muppets.

Please, Kermit.

You're my hero.

You're on my watch.

Well, I guess we could try.

We? Well, yeah, listen, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to need some moral

support.

That's perfect.

We're... Experts at moral support. Yeah. Good.

I guess if we're going to go, we better get going. We've got a lot of people to

find. Oh, great.

But wait, how do we find them?

Didn't you see our first movie?

We drive.

So...

Where do we go first?

I shall take the liberty of using my modem to locate the Muppets.

R-E-N-O.

That spells Reno.

You have reached your destination.

My guidance ends here.

Well, I guess this is the place.

Why are there such great deals on our

hotel rooms?

Free parking for cars, not RVs. Not RVs.

Our wedding chapel is 24 hours. No marriage certificate is needed. No

marriage certificate is needed.

We're glad you found it. The Shulo Casino.

The owners, the mubits, and me.

Thank you, thank you. We'll be back in six minutes.

Hi-ho, Fozzie. Hi-ho, Kermit.

Kermit? What are you doing here?

Well, I just want to tell you that was a great show.

It was very informative.

I do my best to keep it fresh each night. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm Fozzie, by the

way. Oh, I'm sorry. This is Gary and Mary.

And this here is Walter.

He's a personal friend.

So what are you looking at? So I punched him in the face.

Let's talk in my dressing room.

Here we are.

Make yourselves at home.

Wow.

This is not quite what I expected based on your Christmas cards.

Oh, yeah. How about that?

Oh, but it's nice and airy. Maybe we should get them some space.

I know, but I just want to hear what they're going to say.

Fozzie, an evil oil baron wants to tear down our old Muppet studio.

What? Oh, no!

I mean, uh, that's a shame.

Hey, Fozzie.

I'm sorry I haven't been in touch more.

It's fine, Comet.

Look at me, living the dream.

Uh-oh.

Oh, no.

Not this again.

Wait, save the cushions. The cushions?

I'm sorry, Fozzie.

If I'd known you were here in this place... It's all right, Kermit. It's

not your fault.

We had a good run.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just that... We haven't seen each other in a really long time, and I

just thought maybe we could raise the money to buy the theater back if we all

got together and put on one last show.

A show?

But I've spent years building a solo career. I have a whole new showbiz

family that loves me.

Fozzie, what the heck are you doing?

Hibernating? Next show starts in 30 seconds. We hired you and we could fire

you, so get your butt in here now.

Don't terrify me. Let's go.

Let's go.

Watch out for the forklift, Fozzie. Oh, thanks.

Gonzo's doing really well.

According to 80s Robot, he's the richest plumbing magnet in the Rust Belt.

You. Yes, sir. Ordered 28,000 tons of plumber's putty from Beijing. Right

away, sir. And you. Yes, sir. Send the 28,000 tons of silly putty back to

Beijing. You bet. Oh, and you. Yes, sir. A memo to the waterless toilet

department. Yes, sir. I don't care about the mess.

Just keep trying.

Hi, Gonzo.

Kermit? Fozzie?

This is a surprise.

We need to speak to you.

All right.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

I think I'll stand.

Oh, really? You should try one.

Comfy. It's our executive line of used toilets.

Anyway, I'm very busy. I've got 30 seconds. Go.

Gonzo, I'm not quite sure how to say this, but... Don't forget to mention the

evil oil baron. Yes, Fozzie, I was about to. Just give me a moment, okay?

Gonzo, it would appear that... Remember, evil oil baron. Fozzie, I'm going to get

to that, please.

As I was trying to say... Evil oil baron.

Okay, time's up. Thank you, guys.

Gonzo, we're trying to get the old gang back together again.

We really need you.

My answer is no.

Good day.

Come on, guys. We should go.

I just want to say, when I was a kid, I saw you recite Hamlet while jumping your

motorbike through a flaming hoop, and it made me feel like I could do anything.

Thank you.

Yeah

Good

try Walter

never to hold a plunger again.

That was an expensive looking explosion.

I can't believe we had that in the budget.

So maybe if you look inside yourself, the person you should be most angry at

is you.

It's you.

How have you been feeling?

Any more control issues?

In control.

Good.

Animal. Excellent. It's me.

Kermit. Hey, we're having a meeting here, man.

You're being really rude, Frog.

Pardon us, please.

Animal, I need to talk to you for a second.

We're getting the Muppets back together. We need you to drum again.

Animal drum?

Yes. Please, sir. Drum! Drum! Drum!

Drum! Drum!

Drum!

In control.

Good. I'm Animal's court-appointed sponsor.

We don't use the D.

It's his trigger word. His trigger word? Um, excuse me, Mr. Black, I'm so sorry

to interrupt, but it's very important to these guys that they get their drummer.

Gary!

It's my trigger word, too.

Jack, we talked about this on Tuesday.

Tuesday's another one of my trigger words!

Oh, I don't think so!

Sorry.

Let's go, Animal.

Animal, heal!

May I suggest we save time and pick up the rest of the Muppets using a montage?

Oh, great idea, 80s Robot.

We greatly appreciate your financial support.

87.3 miles to go. 87.2. 80s Robot, do you have to do that?

It's in the secret to deliver.

I guess we're in.

Welcome to this week's edition of Everything Stinks.

Bye, Lisa.

Off to the TED conference.

Three, two, one.

Think we should have ran in a bigger car?

Hey, wait for me.

I'll save the studio.

I can't believe we're all back together. Even all you guys who weren't in the

montage. How come you didn't use me in the montage?

I thought my story was pretty interesting.

Rolf? Want to get back together?

Okay. Good.

Classic.

Anyhow, looks like we got everybody so we can plan our telethon and raise that

$10 million.

Not everybody.

I think everybody's here.

Where's... All good.

Miss... All done here. Iggy.

Come it. We're going to get Miss Piggy, right?

Okay, okay, okay. You're right. We'll go get Piggy.

My Minotaur tells me she is in Paris, France.

Oh, well, then we drive to France.

You can't drive to France, Walter.

Yeah, it's way too far.

Then maybe we should travel by map.

Good idea, Fozzie.

Look at these ceilings. Yeah, they must be very tall here. Yeah, very nice.

Uh, hi there.

Excuse me.

Miss?

Pardon me, ma'am.

Hi there.

We're here to see Miss Piggy, and it's urgent.

Urgent! Urgent! Is it urgent?

Very. Yes.

Let's have a look then, shall we?

She has an opening in early September.

Early September?

That's like six months from now. That's nothing. Once I waited a whole year for

September. She is the plus-size editor.

She's a huge deal and extremely busy. You can't just pop in without an

appointment.

Thank you. All right. Sorry, guys. Close the door on your way in. Thanks a lot.

That wasn't very nice.

Guys!

Muppet Man!

Yeah!

Muppet Man!

Hello. I have an appointment.

Oh, okay.

Um, will you wait here a moment?

Decisions, decisions.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. I choose you.

Mademoiselle Cochonet.

Of course.

There's a, um, man here to see you.

He does have an appointment.

An appointment?

That's weird.

Why didn't you say so? Send a man!

Right away, sorry.

Remember, left foot, right foot.

Hello?

Sorry.

That looked expensive.

You look familiar.

So do you.

Please, have a seat. Yes, we're going to have a seat now.

No, no, no, don't sit down. Oh, sorry.

Uh-oh, message to head. Left leg in trouble. Going down. Left leg going

down.

Has anyone heard me?

Kermit?

Hello, Piggy.

Kermit! Oh, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit,

Kermit! Oh, kissy, kissy.

Wait! What am I doing? I promised myself I'd never go back. I am woman. I am

strong. You must leave at once.

Depeche Toi! Okay. No, no, wait, wait.

Miss Piggy.

The Muppet Studios are in danger.

In danger?

Our studios?

Hermit! It's true, Piggy. We need to do the Muppet Show again.

We need you.

Biggie, last time we were together, I... I said some things I regret.

No. No, Kimmy. You were just being honest.

You never intended to marry me.

Not even after I built us a house where we could raise tadpoles and grow old

together. Who do you think's been looking after that house all these

years, huh?

Biggie, why do you have to always be so overdramatic about things? You know, it

leaves me no choice but to do things that hurt you. I am...

Why did you accept that about me? Look, this is not about you and me.

It's never about you and me, is it? It's always we.

We this.

We that. We need you.

You can't even say, I need you, can you?

Piggy.

I'm sorry, Kermit.

But I have a life here. A life I've made for myself.

Piggy. Just remember, Kermit, I cannot be replaced.

What happened? Where's Miss Piggy?

She's not coming, Fozzie.

But Kermit, we always work together. We can't do this without Miss Piggy.

No one will give us a show without her. We'll be fine, Fozzie.

We'll be fine.

We just... We'll just have to come up with something else.

Okay, I've got an idea. We need a pig that can sing. But how?

Who could possibly replace Miss Piggy?

Hey, what's everybody so quiet about, huh?

Well, she's sort of like Miss Piggy.

Come on, everybody, let's go pitch our telethon and get the Muppets back on TV,

okay?

No. No.

Lo siento, pero no.

That means no.

Come on, guys. Awkward.

Listen, Kermit, I like you. I remember you guys from when I was a kid.

So I'm going to shoot straight.

You guys aren't famous anymore.

I wish she'd shot a little more curvy.

Take a look at this diagram the research department drew up.

This circle represents everything that's currently popular.

And this tiny speck is you guys.

So the answer is no, it's not going to happen.

Take a look at the shows that are popular now. Punch Teacher.

Oh, I love that show.

It's time to punch teacher!

Finish him!

It's my favorite.

I just thought I could make a difference.

I'm sorry, but in this market...

You guys are no longer relevant.

Have a good day.

Before

I

go, I'd just like to say something.

I think kids are smarter and better than all this junk.

Veronica, bad news.

Punch Teacher has stopped production. It's being sued by the Teacher Society

of America.

What's their problem?

No idea. I just found out.

What are we supposed to do with that 120-minute black hole in the schedule

coming up in two days?

Okay, Muppets, you've got yourselves a show.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. You will not be sorry, I promise, I

promise. One, no more going nuts in my office. These are new carpets. Yes, ma

'am. And two, you need a celebrity host.

Okay, whatever, whatever. Come on, guys, let's go!

Wipe that down. You've missed a spot. I don't see it. Just a little lower. Oh,

I'm so sorry. Did I get you? Yes.

Well, gentlemen, it appears we have some competition on the Muppet property.

The economist says they've gotten back together again.

The Muppets got back together?

Oh, remember?

Together again.

Oh, gee, it's good to be... Gentlemen, please!

No singing in my office.

Yes, but of course, it was all his fault. No matter.

Point is, that studio and that oil belong to me.

Yeah, those Muppets are going to be running home with their tails between

their legs. Some of them, literally, because those ones have tails.

Maniacal laugh.

Maniacal laugh.

That's a maniacal laugh moment.

Okay, this is it. Andy's Robot, let's park around back.

Gary, can you believe it?

The Muppet Theater.

Yeah.

Welcome back, everyone.

Thanks. Well, I know the old place is not quite at its best right now.

Yeah, who canceled the maid service?

But don't worry.

We'll be fine.

Kermit, there's no way we can rehearse with a place like this.

Wait, Kermit, don't say another word.

Mary, Walter, and I, well, we would be happy to help you rebuild the theater.

Honestly, it would be an honor for all three of us. So would.

Okay, well, let's clean this place up. Yeah!

This is boring.

Don't you guys remember?

You're the Muppets.

You do this to music!

Well, alright!

Good to see you.

Where's everybody been?

Celebrity.

Celebrity. Hello?

Yes, could I speak with President Carter, please?

Oh, he moved, huh? Well, you don't happen to have a number where I could

reach you?

Hello? Walter, I thought we were going to clean the balcony. You're doing a

great job, pal. You're doing a great job. Waka waka.

Hey, guys, look at these old photos I just found.

Can you believe that 80s haircut I used to have?

I look totally ridiculous.

Don't you remember?

We built this city. Yes, it's Kermit, the frog. Could you come to our

celebrity telephone this weekend?

Sure, sure, I understand.

We built this city.

We built this city on love and hope.

Wow,

great job everybody!

Kermit, listen, have a great night. And I just want you to know, Walter and I

are really good sewers, so we'll have those costumes ready for you in no time.

Oh, good. Well, you two have a great night. Okay, thank you.

Bye.

Kermit?

Gary, I was kind of hoping that we could go to the beach tomorrow or see the

Hollywood sign.

We'll have plenty of time to do that stuff. It's just, right now, I don't

want to leave Walter.

You know, he needs me.

I don't know, sweetheart.

He seems pretty happy.

Well,

just one more day, okay? And then I'm all yours.

Tell you what, why don't you get a head start on sightseeing tomorrow, and then

I'll be waiting for you when you get back.

Okay. Just don't forget about me.

Never.

Well, we're still on for dinner Friday, right?

Yeah, of course.

Oh, Walter!

Oh, yes, Kermit. Hey, listen, Walter. I just want to tell you that none of this

would have happened without you, so thank you. Oh, well.

And welcome aboard.

Good night, everybody. Just sleep anywhere you can find a spot.

Welcome aboard?

Hey, Kermit.

You awake?

Yep.

What's the weather supposed to be like tonight?

I don't know. Why?

I just don't want it to rain through the hole in the ceiling.

Stars sure are pretty, though.

We're going to be okay, right?

We haven't done this in a long time, and I really don't want to go back to Reno.

Don't worry, Fozzie. We'll be fine.

Look how we cleaned this place up today, you know?

Same old team, all pulling together.

I guess you're right.

Night-night, Comet.

Good night, Fuzzy.

Okay, gather round, troops.

Everybody, time to get this rehearsal going.

Scooter, is everybody here? Almost everyone, Chief.

Hey, anybody got any kerosene? I want to take these old pig dresses out back and

burn them.

Hold it right there!

Piggy?

Well,

look what the cat dragged in.

Come on, keep it up, Maurice.

Sorry, Miss Piggy, but you've been replaced.

Permanently. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I don't think so.

Sister? Who you calling sister?

Sister? Oh, look, an omelet station.

Oh, wait.

There's only one Miss Piggy, and she is moi.

Yeah, well, you ain't seen the last of me.

I'll be back.

Yeah, yeah, heard him mouth-wise.

Welcome back, Miss Piggy.

All right, all right, don't crowd me.

Piggy, you came back.

I'm not here for you, Comet. I'm here for...

And besides, when this show's done, I'm catching the next plane back to my life

in Paris.

Okay, Piggy, okay.

Places for the opening number, everybody.

Good morning, Veronica.

Morning, Frog.

Okay, everybody, let's take it from the top.

Hey, Mr.

Q.

It's kind of a rhythm to this, you know?

Oh, and if you like that one... What's the bear capital of the world?

Moscow!

Hey

guys,

stop, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

What's the problem? We can't keep time.

Hey, Walter.

Oh, yes, Kermit. You think you might want to help us out here? Maybe do

something in the show?

Kermit, you know, you've been so nice to me, but I have to face the facts.

See, the Muppets are so talented.

Hey, guys, check it out.

Fart shoes.

Patent pending.

And I don't have any talent at all.

The truth is, I can't perform with you guys.

I feel like a phony just being here.

Walter, just because you haven't found your talent yet doesn't mean you don't

have one.

If you look inside yourself, I'm sure you'll find something that you're really

good at.

Okay, Kermit.

I'll try.

Oh.

Welcome. How many in your party? Two?

Uh, no, just the one.

All right, party of one, follow me.

I look around, and once again I'm on my own.

My man in here, he's gone and done me wrong.

No one's gonna stop this girl from having fun.

I throw my hands up high and have a party for one. I'm having a meat party,

a party by myself.

A me party, I don't need nobody else A me party, I'm the first and last to show

There's no one at this party that I don't already know I'm not gonna sit

around by myself and wait for you Haven't you heard?

One is the new two I'm gonna make a scene, I'm gonna make a fuss Tonight I'm

gonna celebrate with just the one of us

a party just for me

It's just me.

Party of one.

Q17 is Fozzie's intro.

Oh,

it's you, Chief.

Your duet with Piggy.

Yes, I know he's on your line.

Miss Piggy, we're all out front practicing our acts and it seems that

everybody expects you and I to do a duet. Oh, that's so lovely, but I'm

afraid I can't.

You see, I'm already doing a duet with my new dance partner.

Hola.

Okay, come on. Rehearsing. Let's go. We gotta break it up. Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Let's try that lift again, shall we?

The lift again. Okay, on my count this time, okay? In three, two, one.

Good grief.

Hermit. There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere.

So nice to see you, Veronica.

Who's hosting?

Did you find a celebrity?

Yeah, well, I wanted to talk to you about that, you see, because, actually,

I'm kind of a celebrity.

You?

No, Kermit, listen. I will not air the show unless you find a real celebrity

host. I will rerun Benson if I have to.

You see, the thing is, Veronica, that's kind of impossible because the show's in

12 hours.

12 hours!

I might as well just go and ask Tex Richmond to give us the studio back.

And the Muppets are like a big family.

And for us, that theater is like our home.

Which is why, in conclusion, we humbly ask that you give us back our studio.

It would certainly mean a lot to us.

Hmm.

Well, Mr. The Frog, let me see.

I'm Dex Richman, Mr. Texas Tea. People call me rich cause I got more money.

I got more cheddar than some super-sized nachos. Got cash flow like Robert has De

Niro's. I use more greens than Vincent Van Gogh. I make the baker bake my bread

out of dough. No, no, don't eat it though. It'll make you ill. There ain't

no flour in the hundred dollar bill.

He's Dex Richman. Oh, yeah!

Everybody listen. Here we go now. Just how great it is to be him. Oh, it's

great to be me. Yeah. Correct. He's the greatest. Hey, sing it again.

He's the greatest. Oh, it never gets old.

The Muppets are a waste of time. Oh, can't you see? Little Muppets time to

give up your dream.

The answer is no.

Well, you could have just said that.

Contract. Contract.

Contract.

Nicely done, sir.

You see, Muppets, according to this contract, it's not just the studio you

lose the rights to tonight.

It's the Muppet name itself.

What? And all characters under the Muppet name.

Wait a second. What possible use could you have for our names?

Told you I'd be back.

Well, now I am.

Back! And I see you've met Mr. Richmond, our new business partner.

Muppets are a hard, cynical act for a hard, cynical world.

Hey, Fozzie, I want you to meet a friend of mine.

Waka waka. Your relics, Muppets.

The world has moved on.

No one cares about your goody-goody, hippy-dippy, Julie Andrews and Dom

DeLuise hosts and singing and dancing act anymore.

You're dead.

And I just come to bury you.

Now, get out of my office.

What is that supposed to mean?

I thought you were going to talk to me.

Guys! Okay, so maybe Kermit signed away the theater and the Muppet name, but as

long as we have a celebrity host, we can still pull off a heartwarming last

-minute triumph, right, Kermit?

Actually, I don't see how we can, Fozzie. Huh?

Guys, the show's in six hours, and we're barely rehearsed, and, well, I

couldn't get us a celebrity host.

What? No!

I'm afraid Tex Richmond's right.

The world's moved on.

I'm sorry I dragged you guys into this mess.

Carmen?

All right, listen up, you freaks. I didn't come 5,000 miles to not be on TV.

All we need is one stinking celebrity, and by any means necessary.

Now, the frog's gone. We're doing things my way from now on.

Let's move!

Hey.

Hi.

How was your day?

Oh, it was great.

I went to Guinness Book of World Records.

Alone.

Then Ripley's Believe It or Not.

Solo. And then I ate lunch.

Unaccompanied. And then I walked back here.

Independently.

Listen, um... I got you these.

And that's the makeup for the other ones.

The broken ones.

Thanks, sweetie.

Listen, Gary.

I was just wondering what the plan was for dinner tonight.

Oh, I don't care. What do you feel like?

Okay.

That's fine. That's just fine. That's perfect.

I'm going to go for a walk.

Individually.

Walter, hey. Gary.

Oh, where have you been? Look, I need you to help me figure out a talent.

A talent for what? For the show.

Kermit asked me to do an act in the show.

I... I could be a Muppet.

Wow.

Wow, Walter, that's amazing.

Yeah, but I need to figure out if I have a talent.

Well, you know what? I'm sure you'll think of something, but right now,

actually, I need your help. What?

I'm starting to get the feeling that Mary's upset with me about something,

and I don't know what, and I was hoping maybe you would talk to her for me.

Gary, I'd love to help you out, but I can't leave the theater now.

This is important.

Well, hold on a second. I mean, my life is important, too.

Yeah, but the whole reason we came here was to see the Muppets.

No, it wasn't.

The whole reason we came here was to take a vacation where I took Mary out to

a fancy dinner because it's our 10th anniversary, and...

Walter, what day is today?

Friday.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

This is bad.

Walter, this is really bad. I have to... Mary!

Wait! Mary!

Carrie,

I need you.

Okay, is everybody ready?

Commence Operation Celebranap!

Masks on!

Masks on!

Except for moi, nothing covers this beautiful face.

No maskin?

No maskin.

What are you doing here?

Acting natural.

I've gone home. I love you, but you need to decide.

Are you a man or a Muppet?

I reflect on my reflection, and I ask myself the question.

What's the right direction?

Go.

I don't know.

Am I a man or am I a muppet? Am

I a muppet?

If I'm a muppet, then I'm a very manly muppet. Very manly muppet.

I look into these eyes and I don't recognize the one

I see inside.

It's time for me to decide.

Am I a man?

Am I a muppet?

Or am I a man?

Am I a man?

If I'm a man, that makes me a muppet of a man.

A muppet of a man.

Here I go again.

I'm always running out of time. I think I've made up my mind.

Now I understand.

I'm so sorry, Mary.

That's what I am.

Commit! We have our celebrity!

Mr. John Black has graciously agreed to do the telethon!

Oh my gosh, that's amazing!

Where is he? In the trunk.

You kidnapped Jack Black? That's illegal.

But Kermit, what's more illegal?

Briefly inconveniencing Jack Black or destroying the Muppets? Kidnapping Jack

Black, Fozzie.

Kermit, listen. Whatever I may think of you right now, these guys are counting

on you. You inspire them.

What, to kidnap people?

To work together.

To kidnap people?

Mr. the Frog, we all agreed a celebrity is not a people.

And now that we have a... celebrity, the show's back on. Come on, Kermit. Don't

let these guys down now.

All right. Well, what are you guys still doing here, huh?

It's showtime.

All right. That's it. Yes.

Nicely done, sir. As usual.

Ungog.

Ow. Ow.

Okay. Very nice. Go. Halt. Point left.

Well done, sir. Thank you. Thank you so much. And coming up next on CDE, the

Muppet Telethon. Kermit and friends host a celebrity-studded gala with special

guest Jack Black.

Oh, he's pretty good.

We're going to phase two.

Yes, Mr. Richman.

So, do you think we're working for the bad guy?

The show starts in 10 minutes!

Why don't you let him drive?

Hang on, everyone!

Come on, guys. Okay, listen up, everybody. This is it. Five minutes to

curtain. Kermit? Listen, get ready for the opening number. I need to talk to

you about my attitude. Listen, Walter, I know you're going to be fine. In fact,

I'm sure you'll be great. Scooter, who's up first? Come on, come on, come on.

Okay, first we have the opening theme. Then you come out and introduce Fozzie.

Then we have TV executive at 6 o'clock. The show is a disaster, Frog.

Veronica. Where's the audience?

I knew you guys weren't popular anymore.

I should have trusted that chart.

There's no one here.

What about Hobo Joe?

Who? Why does everybody forget about Hobo Joe?

Just a second. Scooter!

Yeah, Chief Scooter, did you hand out all those flyers? Of course, every last

one.

Don't worry, we'll think of something.

You better.

You who?

You've got audience.

It's me.

What am I, invisible?

Jack Black, 15 seconds to curtain, Mr. Black.

Hi.

Where am I?

Why am I so fancy?

What are you doing? You're ruining my look.

Yeah, well, we'll see you out there. Good luck.

You sure got nice teeth, Jack Black.

On the show.

Ready for some kind of entertainment.

All right. Good luck, everyone. And cue Scooter. Okay. We go live in three,

two... Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host, Kermit the

Frog.

It's the Muppet Telethon with our very special guest, Mr.

Jack Black.

lights. It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.

It's time to put on makeup.

It's time to dress up right.

It's time to get things started.

Why don't you get things started? I always dreamed we'd be back here.

Dreams? Those were nightmares.

It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational,

celebrational, Muppetational This is what we call the Muppet Show.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Muppet Telethon.

We have Muppets standing by to take your calls.

Yes, we are. Good evening, everyone.

Really large pizza with ham and... Yes, and boy, do we have a wonderful show for

you with our special guest, Mr.

Jack Black.

I'm being held captive by these weirdos. Now you know how we felt for the past 40

years. Somebody, anybody, please call the police. This is real rough. Man,

this...

is incredible.

This is real!

Oh, and by the way, folks, we have plenty of room here in the audience, so

if you'd like to come down and see the show live... Wow.

There's no audience in the theater. Look, it's totally empty.

Poor Walter.

Maybe we should go back.

No way, Mary.

I've made my choice already.

I just sang a whole song about it.

I want to stay here with you.

So thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the Great Gonzo's most amazing feat

ever.

Head bowling.

What? No, I have not signed off on this.

Drum roll, please.

And a one, and a two, and a three.

Uh-oh. My fingers got stuck.

All party ends, folks. Stay tuned.

Please make this end. Please.

Hello?

You want to give us the money?

Uh-oh.

Say yes. Yes. We will take that money.

We got us a movie.

Oh, yeah tickets Thank you $5 show you

see it's up there somewhere See

what happens with head bowling a little later in the show up next is our

furry funny man, mr. Fozzie

I go to a bad seafood place last night. The catch of the day was salmonella.

Ah, waka waka.

That joke's like 50 years old.

So how about those shopping centers, huh? You seen one, you seen them all.

Take it.

People are actually watching this!

Dudley!

Bring the car!

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

Walter? 60 seconds till you're on, Walter.

You ready?

No.

Yes, yes, yes.

Whoopi Goldberg?

Selena Gomez?

And, uh, hi there.

Yeah, look, somebody said there might be a career opportunity here. Something

about saving the theater? Yes, yes, of course, of course. I don't really know

who you guys are. My agent just told me to show up. That's great.

Are you one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Yes, I am, and let me show you how you can help.

Don't work. It's just your one shot to go on live TV before millions of people

to prove you have what it takes to become one of the Muppets.

Good luck.

Up next, folks, I am proud to present a brand new act of the show, introducing

Walter.

Oh,

that's not good.

It appears that Walter has stepped out, so it's, well, it's back to the days of

yore down at the old barber shop.

Hello. Hello.

Me,

me.

Hello. Oh, no. It's a barber shop quartet.

Wait a minute. What are you doing? Is that a barber?

Stop it. No.

The mosquito.

We might just make this.

And now I am pleased and proud to present those princesses of poultry,

come along friends.

of $10 million by midnight.

Ladies and gentlemen, don't be alarmed. We will get this sorted out just as soon

as we can. Scooter?

Well, that's that.

Nice try, Muppets.

Oh,

come on.

How are we going to raise the rest of the money with no electricity?

All right, calm down. everybody is everybody

okay we can't do the show without power anybody got any bright ideas

not now fuzzy 10 gauge gator grip i love it when you talk shop

What? How'd they get the power back?

We're going to have to get up on that roof and shut them down for good.

Bolt cutters. Bolt cutters.

Nedley, come with me.

That's it.

To the end of the muppet!

Deadly? What are you doing?

Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name and an evil English accent does not

preclude the fact that in my heart I am a muppet, not a muppet.

Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh!

What does that mean?

It's an idiom. you idiot, because you cannot laugh!

Oopsie.

Now that's a maniacal laugh for you.

Hey, Gary, Mary, how'd you guys get here so fast?

We traveled by map. We thought it'd be quicker.

Hey, I'm sorry I bailed. I just... I realized you don't let the most

important person in your world slip away.

Hey, Scooter? Yeah?

Could you do me a favor and take over hosting duty?

But, Chief, I don't go on stage.

Well, just do what I do.

Pretend that the audience is naked.

Yeah, but I... Uh,

Miss Piggy?

Uh, you are all naked.

Uh, well, sort of. Okay, great.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the great superhero...

You

saved it?

After all this time?

How can...

I guess I'm not that good at saying this kind of stuff. Yes, can you?

Well, over the last week, I realized that

I miss you.

And I need you.

And maybe you don't need the whole world to love you.

Maybe you just need one person.

It's time for our song.

And if we don't raise the money tonight, it might be the last time we sing

together.

And, well, are you ready?

Okay.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

And what's on the other side?

Rainbows are visions, but only illusions.

And rainbows have nothing to hide.

So we've been told, and some choose to believe it.

I know they're wrong.

Wait and see.

Someday we'll find it. The rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

All of us are under its spell.

We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep?

And have you heard voices?

Hey, these are yours, man.

I kept them for you.

You know

what to do.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it. It's something

that I'm supposed to be.

Someday we'll find it, your rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Will you stay?

For me?

Of course.

Thank

you,

everybody. Thank you all. Ladies and gentlemen, it's almost midnight, and...

We haven't quite reached our target yet, but if you all just stick around, we'll

be right back with our final act. The mother telephone will return after these

messages.

Walter? Walter, where are you, buddy?

Listen, everybody, the show ran short and we don't have anything else planned.

We need one last act to bring us home. I'm going to go check on Jack Black and

see if he has any ideas.

You guys see if you can come up with something. We have two minutes.

Two minutes. Two minutes.

What am I thinking? What am I thinking? Walter?

Walter?

Walter!

Gary?

You came back. Walter, what are you doing down here?

They just need one more act. You got to get out there and help those guys.

I can't. What if people laugh at me? I'd rather go back home to small town

with you.

Look, Walter, you're my brother, and I'm always going to love you, but you belong

here with these guys.

Hey, you're the one who got Kermit to do this.

You're the one who brought everyone here together.

You always believe in other people.

But that's easy.

Sooner or later, you've got to believe in yourself, too.

Because that's what growing up is.

It's becoming who you want to be.

You have to try.

Please, Walter.

You're my hero.

Okay, Jack Black's got nothing. What did you guys come up with?

Bunsen can set Beaker on fire.

No, no, no, no, no, no. We can't do that.

I can break out the fart shoes.

No, no, no, that won't work. We're back in three, two...

It's Walter.

He's all grown up.

Oh, that was wonderful.

Ladies and gentlemen, Walter.

It looks like we're going to get our studio back.

This just in. The Muppets are about to take back their studio.

Help. I've been mugged.

Alerting authorities.

What happened? Hello?

Hello?

Guys, my phone is dead.

Newsflash! My phone is also dead! Repeat!

My phone is also dead!

beat you.

Game over, Kermit.

You're lost.

Cheeky. Tonight, Muppets, I won.

Turn that thing off. The show is over.

But we were so close.

Kind of makes me feel better, honestly. I mean, we were nowhere close at all.

You artists, formerly known as the Muppets, are standing on private

property.

My private property.

And I'm telling you to leave.

Now!

He's right, everybody.

He won.

We gotta go.

Yeah, not now, Fuzzy.

I can't believe this!

Well,

that's that.

This isn't right.

It can't end like this.

But what can we do?

Listen, everybody.

We've got nothing to be ashamed of.

And you know why?

Because, thanks to Walter here... We tried.

And if we failed, we failed together. And to me, that's not failing at all.

And I don't care what anybody says.

And I don't care if no one believes in us because I believe.

I believe in you.

And you.

And you.

You know, what's important isn't this building or a name.

It's each other.

So I say, fine, let's just start at the bottom and work our way back up to the

top.

Let's all walk out through these doors with our heads held high as a family.

Because that's what we are.

Hey, where's Walter?

See? Your fans!

They love you guys!

Hey, Walter!

Aren't you gonna join us?

Yeah! Come on, Walter!

Come on! Yes, yes!

Come on, Walter!

What are you waiting for, buddy?

Get over there.

Yeah, go ahead.

Charming. A finale.

Everything

is

great.

Everything is grand.

We've got the whole wide world in the palm of our hand.

Everything is perfect.

It's falling into place.

I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face.

When there's someone by your side to sing along.

Everything is great. We'll live happily ever after.

And we'll keep giving the world the third greatest gift. Laughter!

Seat move is almost over. It's time to say so.

Would you please stop singing? You've already sung this song.

When there's someone by your side to sing along. We're happier when you don't

sing.

We can be whatever we want to be.

Nothing we can't do.

The skies are blue when it's me and you and you and you and you and you and you

and you and well, all of you.

We want to be nothing we can't do.

The skies are blue when it's me and you and you and you. Life's a happy song

when there's someone by your side to sing. Life's a happy song.

Life's a happy song when there's someone.

I just have one question I need to ask you.

Will you marry... marry me?

Manah manah.

Manah manah.

Manah manah. You're breaking the law!

I own that name! Hey guys, I think I've finally worked out how to... What?

I'll bet that hurt.

This just in, Richmond gives back Muppet Theater. And name, change of heart,

nothing to do with head injury.

Hey,

Richmond, we had a deal.

Yeah, you owe us money, man. What the walker?

Thank you.

Miss Piggy promises to stay out of the limelight. Kermit says we need some time

alone. Oh, Kermy, I'm so happy!

Let's share our happiness with ten of the world's largest news publications.

How's the quiet life, Kermit?

Kermy, Kermy, how are you enjoying your time alone?

Piggy?