Original subtitles

Thank you.

Okay, nice work everyone make sure to fill your I nines and we'll see on the

next one So, uh,

what do we do now Wow We're together again.

We got the theater and all our fans are back.

Actually, those were extras.

I saw a few tapping their toes. Yeah, those were paid dancers.

Or maybe, since we're all here, now could be the perfect time for you and me

to tie the knot, Kimmy.

Well, maybe I could.

Hey, what's the camera still doing here?

Oh, no.

Disaster. That can only mean one thing.

Doggone it, you're right. It looks like they've ordered a sequel.

We're doing a sequel.

We're back by popular demand.

Come on, everybody, strike up the band.

We're doing a sequel.

That's what we do in Hollywood.

And everybody knows that the sequel's never quite as good. A sequel, another

feature attraction.

Places, please. Light the lights. Roll camera.

Action!

I thought it was the end, but no, my friends, this is when we get to do it

all again.

Do it all again.

Until the credits roll, we got another go to show them we can do it all again.

We're doing a sequel.

There's no need to disguise.

The studio considers us a viable franchise. We're doing a sequel.

The studio wants more while they wait for Tom Hanks to make Toy Story 4.

I thought it was the end, but no, my friends, this is when we get to do it

all again.

Do it all again.

Until the credits roll, we've got another go to show them we can do it all

again.

We're doing a sequel.

I don't mean to be a stickler, but this is the seventh sequel to our original

motion picture.

All we need now is a half-decent

plot. Got it.

An epic love story between a very handsome long-nosed purple thing and a

beautiful chicken.

Gonzo with the wind.

Does anybody have any other ideas?

Oh, oh, it's about getting the Muppets back together again to stop an evil oil

baron from demolishing the old studio.

Fozzie, did you even watch our last film?

It's about a frog who marries a beautiful, perfect pig, and they have to

kiss each other a lot.

I don't think Americans want subtitled films.

Kermit, how about the Muppets go on a world tour?

That's perfect.

I thought it was the end, but no, my friends, this is when we get to do it

all again.

Until the credits roll, we've got another go to show, then we can do it

all again.

We're doing a sequel.

It's more of the same.

Let's give it a name. How about The Muppets Again?

It's The Muppets Again.

With The Muppets Again.

It's The Muppets

Again.

Okay. I'm okay. Okay.

Let's dance!

It's time to light the lights!

Muppet news flash.

Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog, has escaped from a maximum

security gulag in Siberia, Russia. This move has leapfrogged Constantine to the

number one most wanted criminal in the world. One place ahead of the mysterious

lemur. Wow.

Thanks for seeing me at my regular booth, Muppets.

Big fan. Huge.

Dominic, international tour manager.

Dominic. Bad guy?

It's pronounced bad G.

It's French.

It means good man.

Listen up.

You're hot.

You're having a moment.

But what is inevitable about a moment? It ends.

I don't want this moment to end.

That's why we've got to get out there now and capitalize on this moment with a

capital C. Yeah? I want you to conquer the world. Do an international tour.

Show a global audience what you can do.

Wait a second, guys. Listen, I'd love to do that too, but we've barely gotten

back together. We don't want to mess that up. Okay, I am inundated with

offers of management at the moment.

One Direction, U2, Cirque du Soleil. Just some of the acts I can list.

Wow, that's a good list.

And now I want to tour manage you guys.

I know you're the boss, Kermit. I wouldn't interfere with that. We'd share

our managerial roles because you've got a special bond with these little guys.

Sure. Uh, oh.

President Clinton.

I'm on my way, number two.

Great. They're taking a bite. Well, he seems like a nice guy.

Yeah. Humble and honest.

I just, I think we have to get settled first, you know?

Home the show, get some new material, and then maybe go on a world tour.

See you in Berlin.

Yes, auf wiedersehen.

Number two.

So,

what's it gonna be, Muppets?

Ready to be world famous?

No pressure, but I am a very busy man.

Oh, that's Rihanna. I really should take this.

Well,

I mean, I guess we could always hone our acts on the road, and that would be

okay.

Wouldn't it, Kermit?

Okay,

let's do it.

Dominic, you're hired.

Thanks,

Kermit. I mean, boss.

You won't regret this.

Is everybody here? Okay, guys, guys, get them up and move them out. All aboard,

Dominic.

I didn't know there were still third class. Third class?

How about no class?

Watch the heels.

Piggy, why do you need so much luggage?

For honeymoon, of course.

For what?

Let's go, guys.

Oh, oh, well, that must be reverse.

Well, this way looks good, too.

Okay, Dominic, I thought we could start our world tour in London.

Or how about the world capital of comedy?

Berlin, Germany.

Uh,

was that supposed to happen?

Oh, you guys are gonna love this place.

Okay,

here we are, guys. The Hole in the Wall Club.

Dime Muppets? Looks like they put the reviews up early. Yeah, or is that the

suggestion box? Hole in the Wall Club?

More like hole-in-the-ground club.

Okay, everybody, so we'll start at the bottom and work our way up.

I've booked us into cabaret bars and coffee houses all across the industrial

cities of northern Germany.

Dusseldorf, Hamburg, Mudburg, Vomitdorf.

Puppenbergen? Fozzie, we have a solid week booked in Puppenbergen.

This looks great, and I think we should commend Kermit on his efforts.

Thank you, Dominic. Thanks. Or if I might be so bold, maybe we could

consider another venue.

Another venue?

To be precise, this other venue.

Look at that theater! What?

No, no, no, no. We don't have the money to rent the Berlin National Theater.

We make our money back when we sell it out. I mean, I've always dreamed of

playing the Berlin National Theater.

Ich bin ein Berliner.

More like...

Watch it, Buster!

Guys, I'm not sure we can do this, you know? Okay, let's put this to the vote.

All those in favor of believing in ourselves, raise your hands.

That's not what I'm saying. I believe in this. And all those in favor of just

giving up... I believe I'm voting for giving up.

Good. Well, I'm glad we made this decision.

All right, gather around, troops, everybody.

Okay, guys, since we're playing such a big theater, let's stick with what we

know. We'll open with a cabaret number.

Kermit, when do I do the indoor running of the bulls?

Mr.

Kermit, sir, I would very much like to demonstrate my magnetic bomb attractor

vest.

Why would you even invent one of those? Why did I invent the unexpectedly

exploding cupcake?

Hey!

What about Muppet Ladder? Muppet Ladder? That's never, ever worked, Gonzo. Last

time we all tried that was 20 years ago, and you ended up in a cast for six

months. Yeah, good times.

Carly, what if I do four or five Celine...

We can't just do whatever we want. This is our opening night. Let's play to our

strengths because Well look

I didn't want to worry you guys, but if we don't sell this theater out, it would

mean the end of the tour.

What? Maybe the end of us.

Great news, Muppets. We're sold out.

What? Yeah.

Okay,

well, fine.

I mean, great, great. Well done, Dominic. Hey, I have an amazing idea for

an act. It's called the indoor running of the balls.

Gonzo, I've told you, that act is far too dangerous. Actually, Kermit, I was

asking Dominic what he thinks.

What grief.

Dominic! Dominic! Five stars!

Sold out.

Like we've sold out a show in 30 years.

Um, is this a good time to discuss our upcoming European wedding?

No, actually, I'm kind of busy right now.

Perfect! I have 23 swatches for the seat covers for the reception, eight font

twists for the menu, which, by the way, we are not serving flies.

Vicki, what are you talking about?

I'm just trying to involve you in some of the decision-making, dear.

What about being involved in the decision to get married in the first

place, huh? Oh, Kermit, you never let me do what I want.

Oh, yeah? Well, what about what I want, huh? What about that? I haven't even

proposed yet. You can do that on our honeymoon.

What? That's insane. Do you hear what you're saying?

Insane? How dare you call your fiancée insane? You are not my fiancée. We are

not engaged. And as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is

going right now, well, I'm fine with that.

Piggy, wait.

I'm sorry.

Don't take it personally.

They still love you.

They just prefer me now. Thank you, Dominic. That's very comforting.

Do you know what I think helps sometimes in situations like this? What? A walk

alone in the fog.

In former East Berlin. Maybe along a deserted canal.

Well, I guess a quiet stroll is not a bad idea.

Let the others know I've gone, will you? Sure. I promise. Thanks.

Guten Tag!

What just happened?

What?

Hold

on,

hold on. There must be some mistake. Don't you know me? I'm Kermit the Frog.

Silence, Constantine.

The game is up. Who?

No, no, wait a minute. I'm Kermit the Frog.

Guys, this is a mistake. I'm telling you.

Hey. Hey. Hello.

Somebody. Open up.

I'm an amphibian American.

It's not easy being me.

Has anyone seen Kermit yet?

It's 15 minutes to curtain. Hi, guys. Look, it's Kermit, just back from his

afternoon stroll.

Hi, hello.

I am Kermit.

He's got a cold. That's why his voice sounds a little bit different at the

moment.

See? Just calm down. Just relax.

You are right.

Dominic is terrific.

From now on, let's do whatever he says.

All right.

Wow, that walk must have really helped. Miss Pig, I have wronged you. I humbly

beg your forgiveness.

You're not getting off that easy, bucko.

Come on, Foo-Foo.

Bad frog! Bad frog!

What is this? I can't go, Doc.

Stop it!

Kermit's agreed that Dominic's right all the time, man. Good.

So, now that Kermit agrees with me on everything... I am Kermit. Definitely.

Let's go and hang out backstage, yeah?

Come,

little friend.

Let us get on with the show and enjoy our family-style adventure during which

we shall bond and learn heartwarming lesson.

Perhaps about sharing or waiting your turn or the number three.

Right, Kermit.

Sure.

Flawlessly executed.

Bravo. What did you expect from world's most dangerous frog and number one

criminal number two?

Yeah, I know. You're number one, I'm number two. I think you mentioned that

before. Now that we control the Muppet Tour number two, phase one of our plan

is complete.

We are now positioned to carry out greatest burglary.

Burgle... Burgle... Burgle... Burglary. Yes, of all time, and pin it on

those gullible Muppets who will spend the rest of their miserable lives behind

bars. Tonight, we steal the painting, and then we'll have all we

need to steal the unstealable...

The crown jewels of England.

Ensuring that my name goes down in history as greatest thief of all time.

You mean our names, right? Of course.

My name first, then spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, your name.

Sure. I'm number one.

You're number two.

We're criminals at large, but I'm at larger than you. I'm number one.

You're number two.

I believe in equality.

As long as you get less than me, I'm one.

You're one.

You're number two. I'm number two. You may think that you're smarter, but I'm

smarter than you. I'm number one.

You're number two.

You're lucky to be number two, not number three.

I can see by the look in your eye, you want to get a bigger piece of the

pie. One day you'll get your chance, but in the meantime, you've got

to dance monkey dance!

Really? I hate dancing. Do it! Dance monkey dance!

I'm number two.

He's number one I can't believe I'm working for an amphibian I'm number

two He's number one You know life's gone to the dogs when your boss is a

frog I can see it's just a matter of time before he's gone and I'm at

the front of the line

It won't be long till I get my chance, but in the meantime, I've got to dance

monkey dance.

Dance monkey dance!

Now watch me!

I'm number one. He's number one. You're number two. I'm number two.

Let it get. There you go. Now step aside.

This ain't your show up one.

I'm one. I'm number one. Yes, we know.

I'm number one.

That's how it's done.

Fifteen seconds to curtain.

Kermit?

Sure. Uh, okay.

Have you studied your Kermit types yet? Of course not. This is child's play for

frog of my talent.

Ladies and gentlemen, please.

Still Kermit types. Nonsense.

Yep.

Oh, no.

Kermit, introduce the show.

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Christoph Waltz.

Yay!

What is happening?

Why am I flying?

What the... We gotta do something.

Please welcome our first act, Herr Christoph Waltz Dances the Waltz.

Darling, you set my world on fire.

Did somebody say explosion?

No. He says I set his world on fire.

There he is again. Don't leave me.

Wait for me. Please. Wait for me.

Why not?

Keep waltzing, Mr. Waltz.

Hey. It was vertigo.

Stay right if that's what you're thinking, number two. Sure.

Thomas Blood.

Right, now to cover our tracks.

Let's get out of here!

CIA. Interpol.

What is the CIA doing here? This is my jurisdiction.

Not to mention my badge is bigger.

One of the stolen paintings was on loan from the New York Metropolitan Museum of

Art. So this is CIA jurisdiction.

Also, this is my travel badge. Here's my real badge.

Oh, he must have been looking at the wrong badge.

You've won this round, Pierre.

My name is Jean. Okay, Sean.

Looks like we're gonna be working together, but that doesn't mean I have

to like you.

I didn't like you first.

No, I didn't like you before I met you.

So, what have we got?

Two priceless paintings stolen and one average painting of an obscure English

colonel. This has all the markings of the work of the lemur.

What's a lemur? Only the second most wanted criminal in the world.

And my personal nemesis.

Unfortunately for me, his identity is a mystery.

No, literally.

What is a lemur? Oh, it is also a rat monkey from Madagascar.

Just as I suspected.

This coin is his calling card.

The lemur, he is playing with us.

I have a delivery here for Mr.

Eagle. Right here.

And here's your room.

You were saying?

Look at that.

Muppets sell out in Berlin.

Five stars!

Jeremy the Frog is liking this news!

Choo choo, yeah!

It's not there. You were wrong. Not so fast.

Oldest trick in the book.

Write it in lemon juice, then simply apply heat to reveal Colonel

Blood's map.

Of course, today, the Crown Jewels lie behind the most sophisticated security

system on the planet.

And this map, along with Blood's key and locket, is the only way to get close to

them.

Good work, number two.

What does it say about location of blood's key?

Right.

Something, something, finest wooden teeth.

That is not helpful.

Wait.

There's the name of a city here.

Madrid.

You've got the wrong frog!

It's Constantine.

What? He's back!

What are you doing? I'm not Constantine. My name is Kermit.

Constantine, always with the joke.

Good old Constantine, always trying to pull a fast one.

Old friend, since you are back, I guess you are in charge of prison again.

Here, take prison crown.

We have to readjust it against Turkey. You'll get on that.

Take, take.

Thank you.

Wait a minute. I've known Constantine for

years. And he has never, ever said thank you. Because I am

not Constantine.

Come here.

He's not Constantine.

Let's fold in the recycling compactor!

Fold in the compactor!

Squash that frog!

Put the frog down!

Or I will deploy.

Where am

I? The gulag.

A gulag? Gulag.

The Big House.

La Casa Grande.

The Big House.

Hit it, boys.

This is Russia's premier state-funded hotel.

We're very proud of our eclectic clientele.

Excellence in service since 1932.

Don't believe what you read in the online reviews.

It's the Big House, the perfect getaway.

Welcome into the big house, you'll never get away.

It's no Hilton or no Hyatt, but you will have a riot.

So please enjoy your stay.

Here's the dining room, the menu is minimal.

What the cook does to the food is criminal.

Pull up a seat, so grab yourself a stool.

Accommodation here is far superior.

than anything else you will find in Siberia.

Let me know if there's anything you need.

Everything is free. Money back guaranteed.

It's the big house, the perfect getaway Welcome to the big house, you'll

never get away For your security, I'll keep the only key

Now please enjoy yourself

Listen, I am telling you, you've got the wrong frog.

If you are not Constantine, why do you have that mole?

It's not real. Someone glued it to my lip. As far as authorities are

concerned, you are Constantine. Glue or no glue.

Make yourself comfortable.

You're going to be here a while.

I wouldn't be so sure. My friends will be here soon!

Now, lights out!

until I'm like out of the hallway.

This figure of speech.

Okay,

it seems that Blood's key is hidden in a marble bust of his accomplice, Godfrey

the Unknown, which is kept in the statue room at the Prado Museum.

Perfect. We break in, steal the bust, destroy it, and grab key.

Yeah, it's not that simple, you see.

No one knows what Godfrey the Unknown looked like.

Of course not. He was second in command, so no one cared.

And there's 250 statues in that room.

It may be problem.

Let me think, huh, number two?

Excusez-moi, Kermie, do you have a moment?

Kermit. I just wanted to say that I accept your apology, and I'm ready to

put our little disagreement or whatever it was behind us. And perhaps I was a

little too eager about our wedding. Pig, I have question.

Am I wearing sign that says, bother me?

What was that?

What was that?

If we're to get away with this, you've got to keep up appearances.

I am keeping up appearances.

If you want the crown jewel, stick to the plan.

Do whatever the pig wants. Keep her happy. Whatever she asks of you.

Stupid frog.

Stupid train.

I don't want to talk to you, Kermit.

I said I want you out.

I don't think you know what you want.

Yeah, I do. I just told you.

You're my lady, and I'm your man, baby.

And that's why, if you stick with me, I can give you what you want.

Baby,

stop right there.

Let me clear the air.

Baby, look into these eyes.

Let me apologize.

I know what you're thinking of. You're thinking, where's the love?

But love is gone.

It's here where it belongs.

I know what you're waiting for.

Well, you don't need to wait no more.

I can give you anything you want, give you anything you need.

I'll make your dreams come true Give you anything you want

Fulfill your fantasies I'll make your dreams come true

You want a unicorn?

I'll give it to you. You want a puppy dog? I'll give it to you. You want an

ice cream cone? I'll give it to you. You want a marker zone? I'll give it to you.

You want a satin pillow? I'll give it to you. You want an animal dealer? I'll

give it to you. You want a diamond ring? I'll give it to you. You want a thingy

thing? I'll give it to you.

I know what you're waiting for.

Well, you don't need to wait no more.

I can give you anything you want.

I'll give you anything you need.

I'll make your dreams come true. Give you anything you want.

Fulfill your fantasies.

I'll make your dreams come true.

I'm saying cockatoo. Yeah, I'm cockatoo.

I'll give it to you. I'll make your dreams come true. Cockatoo.

Cockatoo. Kangaroo.

Kangaroo in Malibu.

I'll make your dreams come true.

Oh, King.

You're what I've always wanted.

Uh, excuse us.

But we are all wondering, what's the set list for tomorrow, Chief? I don't care.

Do whatever you want. What?

Kermit, can I do indoor running of the bulls? Sure, Zongo.

Who cares?

Thank you, Kermit. If he can do his thing, why can't I sing my five songs?

Well, you can.

Who cares?

We don't have time for all this stuff. We're up to like a three-hour show,

Kermit. You are forgetting one thing, small man with glasses. I can give you

what you want.

All right!

Won't the show be terrible?

Guys, I... I'm so confused.

Where are you guys?

Looks like I'm gonna have to break out of here myself.

special guest star Lynn Redgrave! Yes!

Oh, hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here.

Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here.

The lovers, the dreamers, and the... The lovers,

the dreamers...

It's El Muppet Show with our very special guest, Salma Hayek. Hey!

Would you look

at

that? No.

Good idea.

opening act the great gonzo and the indoor running of the bull

I don't want to do what

this is gonna be great are you sure about this nope come on let's go

where've you been on stage

The bulls are out of control. Who could have foreseen this?

Me. I did.

Here they come!

Okay, sorry about that, folks, but now put your hands together for Miss Piggy.

Olé!

Don't you worry about my boyfriend!

The boy whose name's Palatino!

I don't believe it! They've managed the impossible!

What an achievement!

Bravo! Bravo!

What? You mean you actually like this show now? No! They've made the show even

worse!

Bravo! Amazing!

Where is it?

Got to be here somewhere.

Keep smashing, number two.

What do you think I'm doing? I'm smashing. Where is that key?

The last one.

It better be in here.

He looks a little bit like you, number two.

Colonel Blood's key.

Nice of him to label it.

So where is the locket? There's more.

To him that seeks the locket fair, look beneath the vaults of air. Of course,

that's where Blood's locket is.

In the vaults of the Irish National Bank.

Then I know where Mappetour must stop next.

Dublin.

A standing ovation?

I am Kermit. I hope you enjoyed my show.

I love you, Madrid.

Wow, what an audience. Great show, Kermit.

Oh, they love me, Kermit. They love me.

Guys, how...

I'm not sure that was such a great show. Like, what are you talking about? That

jam was, like, totally epic?

Exactly. And I'm glad to say the Spanish reviewers disagree with you as well,

Walter. They loved us.

Five out of five, jamon serranos.

Whoa, those reviews really came out fast.

And more good news.

Pack up, everyone. I've booked our next gig in Dublin.

Oh, great.

Now we all have time to rehearse.

Rehearse. Let's celebrate!

Yes! You deserve it, comrades!

Go do whatever you want!

Looks like we're busted.

Exactly what are we doing today?

I am doing my job.

All we need to do is look at the map with the blinky lights and wait.

This is how it is done here in Europe.

In America, we use 3D satellite LED displays, not cardboard with Christmas

lights stuck through it.

Blinky light, she is blinking. Let's go.

What is this? A toy?

This is my car.

Le maximum.

It is illegal now in most of the EU for its massive size.

It's so needlessly spacious, I feel guilty.

On him up!

I hate Europe.

Madrid, here we come!

Hey, we're not on the road! Get out of the way!

Stay on the road!

In the ball!

Excusez-moi.

37 hours, not bad.

This doesn't make any sense.

Why break in, smash some priceless busts, and then not steal anything?

There must be something bigger going on. But what?

I've got it.

Sorry, 2 p.m. My day is over.

Wait.

Those weirdos, the Muppets, were performing next to the crime scene in

Berlin. And here they are, performing right next to the crime scene in Madrid.

You know what that means.

Yes, they love museums.

No, they're suspects.

Okay, overtime.

We must find these muppets before they flee the country. To the train station.

Are

you

all... Les meupettes.

Wow, those are big badges.

Oh, merci beaucoup.

Come, come. You must come with us to answer some questions.

Kermit, let's begin.

Describe the day you played Berlin.

We rehearsed and then we walked about.

We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut.

That night at 10.03, were you inside the portrait gallery?

My alibi is water. tight. The audience saw me sing all night.

Monsieur, we know you did the crime. I was on stage that whole time. Haskell

sang Rainbow Connection. Thank you, Kermit. No more questions.

Hello. I think it's time for good cop romantic cop.

Miss Piggy, you could end up locked inside.

Now's your chance to save your hide.

Gentlemen!

It's a crime to steal the show.

Tell us how the art was taken.

If you want to save your bacon.

I haven't seen your missing art. All I've stolen is onions hearts.

We'll catch the swine that did this job.

Give up the pig puns, creep.

Go jump in a lake. That's my suggestion.

Thank you, Piggy. No more questions.

I think she likes me. I don't think your puns are helping the investigation.

You know, I think they did it. No, they didn't. Yes, they did, and we can pin

it. If they did, how did they do it? If they didn't, how did they didn't? If

they didn't, then it's easy, because they simply didn't do it. If they did

it, then I knew it, but we've nothing that can prove it.

Excuse me.

Let's go from the staff.

What do you know about this stolen owl?

Uh, he didn't know there was a plan.

Your accusation's far out, man. The chances of us committing a crime are

less than .009.

I can

do another suppression.

Thank you, Muppets. No more questions.

They didn't. No, they didn't. There's no way they did the crime.

They couldn't. They're too stupid. They're not criminal masterminds. We do

not know who did it, but we know who didn't do it. So we know who didn't do

it. Yes, we know who didn't do it.

They're incapable of being culpable.

Come on.

Let's go over the files again.

Stop digging escape tunnel, Frog.

How did you know?

It's the first escape everyone tries.

It's the second escape people try.

Oh,

boy.

Third way.

Give up, frog.

I have a Netflix account with search keywords, prison escape.

I have seen every prison movie ever made, even the ones in space.

Yeah, well.

Hey, wait a second. That's them. That's my friends. What happened to them?

Dominic, bad guy. An interview with the brains behind the Muppets' triumphant

comeback world tour.

What?

It seems your friends do not need you anymore.

They have forgotten about you.

Oh, no, no, no. They... They wouldn't.

They couldn't.

We're a family. Family? No one believes in family in the Gulag, Frog.

People are only ever out for themselves.

Listen, Kermit. We have annual light-hearted gulag review coming up. It

is that or they riot.

I thought you might help me.

Well, the thing is, Nadia, I'm sort of done doing that, but thanks for the

offer. This is not offer. This is prison.

You are going to help me.

Rehearsals tomorrow, 4 a.m.

Or I put you on the wall.

The wall?

Why would I be afraid of a wall?

Just direct the show.

You'll never escape.

What time did you say that rehearsal was?

Ouch!

What about this comedian there? He's too stupid to be stupid.

He must be some sort of genius.

Maybe your lemur hunch is correct.

Except for the fact that Les Muppets play tomorrow night at the Dublin

Theatre, which just happens to be next door to the Irish National Bank.

Maybe your muppet hunch is... correct.

It's almost as if we're...

Not so different after all.

Come, come, mon ami.

We must follow Les Muppets to Dublin.

To Dublin!

Dublin!

Punch it!

Okay, number five, Peppy, blow. Come on.

There you go. Come on, Diddy Daddy.

Hey guys?

Fellas?

Um,

do you guys think that Kermit's been acting a little weird lately?

Probably right.

It's just me.

Bad frog.

Still I can't let go.

It's unnatural.

You belong to me. I belong to you.

Enough!

You're all terrible.

Fix this or it's the wall.

Of course.

Guys, um...

It's always good to start with an up-tempo song and dance and then go into

a comedy routine.

But we like Boyz II Men! It is Big Papa's favorite song. Lot of emotions in

that song for him. I'm not learning no other song.

I'm a triple threat! A singer, a dancer, and a murderer!

There you go.

What do I do with the indoor running of the bridge? Yeah, what about the band's

marathon jam session?

Four or five musical numbers!

Why, I...

Now look, we are holding auditions tomorrow.

And if any of you have a problem with that, any of you, then my door is always

open.

Thank you, Kermit.

This is what we've all been waiting to hear.

Teach us, Kermit. We will do whatever Frog say.

Put it there.

Goodnight, Frog.

Nice work today.

Thanks, Nadia. Even if your friends don't need you, we certainly do.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, Big Papa.

Goodnight, Nadia. Goodnight, Carl.

Goodnight, Nadia. Goodnight, Prison King.

Goodnight,

Soul Crusher. Goodnight.

Goodnight, Danny Trejo.

Goodnight, Nadia.

No one believes in family in the Gulag Frog.

People are only ever out for themselves.

What's he up to?

Gentlemen.

I need this review to go in Friday's paper.

Super positive.

Five stars.

I won't be paid off for a review.

I'm a journalist.

I'm joking, of course. Cash or credit.

What was that?

Rats. Who cares?

Hand these tickets out to anyone who'll take one. In fact, you may have to

actually pay people to come.

Mm, for the Mocklets, it's not gonna be easy. Mm. Oh, and I want a standing

ovation.

Oh, dear.

Where does he keep all those suitcases?

Hmm. Let's see here.

Hmm. What's Kermit doing on the cover of this newspaper?

Ah! Oh.

Oh.

Dominic's the bad guy. Dominic's the bad guy.

Fozzie, Dominic's the reason we've been selling out our shows.

He's been giving away tickets and bribing journalists to write great

reviews. Why didn't we ever think of doing that?

Huh? I mean, that's terrible.

The question is why.

And could it have anything to do with why Kermit's been acting so weird

lately? Hey, want to see something funny?

Yes, Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog. Fozzie, what does he

have to do with what I just told you? Nothing, but check this out.

Oh, look, it's Kermit.

What did you do with Kermit?

Wait a minute.

Fozzie, what if Kermit has been replaced by this

Constantine guy?

Nah. That's impossible. We don't know this.

Wouldn't we?

Kermit?

Are you there?

Hello?

Kermit?

Everything's fine. Let's get out of here. Wait! Whoa!

We should look around.

Clement's got a big bomb collection.

Looks like he's planning some sort of comedy heist bit. I hope not. Those

never work.

What's that?

Oh, no.

What, what, what, what?

Oh, no.

Get out of here. Not so fast.

Where's Kermit? What do you want?

You have walkered your last walker bear.

Bad frog.

Animal. Great shot.

I tried. They didn't believe me. It's our word against his, and, well, he's

fooled them all. Should we go to the police?

We don't have any evidence.

I feel terrible.

I'm the one who talked Kermit into doing this tour in the first place.

I wish Kermit was here. He'd know what to do.

You're right.

There's only one guy in this world who can save us.

Only one frog who can restore order.

Bring justice.

And set things right.

You are talking about Kermit, right?

Yes, Fozzie, Kermit.

Turn, turn, out, in, jump, step, step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch, got it?

From the top, a five, six, seven, eight.

God, I hope I get it. I hope I get it.

How many people does he need?

God, I hope I get it.

I hope I get it. How many boys, how many girls?

Look at all the people.

At all the people.

How many people does he need? How many boys, how many girls? How many people

does he?

I really need this job.

Please, God, I need this job.

I've got to get this job.

Good.

Great.

That's it, guys. That's it.

Good guys, come on! And hit it hard!

I really need this job.

Please, God, I need this job.

I've got to get this job!

Okay. All right. Yes.

Uh, Nadia? I think perhaps... Perhaps we should perhaps keep it prisoners only.

Of course.

I just love Broadway.

But you are right, Kermit.

As ever.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay, fellas, listen up.

Here's who made the cut.

You are always right.

My beautiful amphibian prince.

I will never let you go.

This is better.

Ah, what's wrong?

You only ever knit when you're stressed. The bear, the little guy and their dog.

They are onto us.

They got away.

How are we gonna spin this?

Comrades, I'm afraid I have bad news.

Walter and Fonzie have quit the Muppets.

Wait, you can quit the Muppets? Wait a second. Walter quit the Muppets? We just

did a whole movie where he joined the Muppets. Yeah, we sure spent a lot of

time on it. I'll say.

Maybe even at the expense of other long-standing beloved Muppets.

Come on, Robin.

Coming. Well, as the old saying goes, the show must continue.

In a timely fashion.

Wait. Fozzie and Walter are part of our family. We can't let them go without a

fight. Right, Kermit? I know this is hard, Gonzo.

Walter and Fonzie were my best friends.

Kermit?

Are you sure you're okay?

Yes, I'm fine, pig.

I could never lose you.

You complete me.

Oh, Kenny.

Guys, come on.

This is going to be fantastic.

We should be celebrating. Yes, remember, I can give you what you want, huh?

Yeah? All right. We'll keep that in mind. Hey, anyone see the animal?

Does anybody else feel like we're traveling in circles?

There it is!

Finally!

Do

you

have evidence to frame the bear?

Excellent. Where are the guards?

Stay here. I'm going to check on the vault.

No plans to lock it.

Of course.

Now grab it.

Sean, someone's coming.

Abort!

I think I just saw something. It's headed back towards the theater.

Near, far, wherever you

are.

That was close.

Too close.

We need to move to final phase three, wedding.

You're here.

Hey, Kermit, you can't go out there. It's Piggy's Celine Dion number.

Whoa! No, that's not... Did you see anything?

Not a thing. He did my lunch hour. He lasts six hours.

Excuse me. Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement.

What?

Kermit, I'm in the middle of a song here.

Miss Piggy, I have a very important question for you.

What are you doing?

Do you wish to become Mrs.

Piggy? Or rather, Mrs.

the Frog?

Kermit, I thought you'd never ask. I really thought you'd never ask.

So, what do you say?

they won't they of all times has been answered with a firm they will Kermit

the Frog and Miss Piggy are to be married that's right folks they're

finally tying the knot

I

have never been to a more ridiculous crime scene

the comedian bear he was here

He too was here.

Could the comedian bear and the lemur be one and the same?

The comedian bear is the lemur. That is brilliant.

But why would he steal a bunch of old bones?

The bones apparently belonged to one Colonel Thomas Blood.

He was the only man to ever nearly steal the crown jewels of England.

Wait! Where did the frog say he was getting married?

The Tower of London.

The Comedian Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian

Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels!

The Comedian Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels!

The Comedian Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian

Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian Bear is planning on

stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian Bear is planning on stealing the Crown

Jewels! The Comedian Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian

Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian Bear is planning on

stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian Bear is planning on stealing the Crown

Jewels! The Comedian Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian

Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian Bear is planning on

stealing the Crown Jewels!

The Comedian Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! The Comedian

Bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels! After you and Miss Piggy get

married, what's going to happen to the tour?

And to us.

Well, now you guys have all the freedom you want. You don't need me.

I'm done with Muppets.

But hey, it's been a good run, right?

Good luck.

Kermit! Did he just say what I thought he said?

What are we gonna do without Kermit?

The only thing we can do.

Pack up, go to the wedding, and head back home.

Oh, Fufu.

It's always been a fight.

But this is so easy, it... It just doesn't feel right.

This is my...

The day has come for us to say I do There's nowhere else I'd rather be

Nothing in the world means more to me than you I've waited so patiently I knew

you were the only fraud for me Always knew this day would come It's written in

the stars, it's destiny So how can something so ra-

They'll learn to say hello and say goodbye We'll grow gray and old and live

a quiet life Just you and I

Hand in hand we'll stay together Forever

and ever So how can something's alright?

How can something so right feel so wrong inside?

How can something so good leave me feeling so bad?

How come my dreams coming true leave me lonely and blue?

How come the happiest day of my life is so sad? How can I feel the high when I

feel so low? After all we've been through, after coming so far, is this my

destiny?

Where is the love that's written in the stars?

How can something so...

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to the Gulag Annual Review Show!

Escapo, you're up after the ballet.

Right.

Kermit.

Kermit. Kermit.

Fozzie, Walter, Animal.

We're here to rescue you. Yes, and we've got to go.

Hey, I can't believe you're here. It's so good to see you guys.

Hermit, listen. An evil frog named Constantine has taken over the Muppets

and replaced you. What?

Constantine replaced me? Yeah, and he was working together with Dominic.

They're planning something terrible, but we don't know what.

But how could you not have noticed that he'd replaced me, Fozzie? He looked like

you, and he talked like you.

Okay, he didn't talk that much like you come to think of it, but he said he had

a cold.

Animal no.

Animal no? You mean all this time I've been locked in a Russian gulag? No one?

Not one single person from the Muppets except Animal noticed I'd been replaced

by an evil criminal mastermind? It sounds worse than it was.

No, it's as bad as it sounds.

I thought you guys had forgotten about me.

That you didn't need me anymore.

We'd never forget about you.

We need you more than ever Kermit good

Piggy

Piggy's gonna marry the world's most dangerous frog tomorrow Piggy and the

gang are in danger to London

Oh, yeah. I forgot. I'm in a gulag. Sorry about that, Ivan.

It's okay.

No problem, Kermit. It is a mistake.

Great. Thanks for not shooting me. Sure. No problem. Hey, nothing personal.

We have to escape, guys. Tonight.

But how?

Kermit. You know where these prop pickaxes and shovels are supposed to go

for this big mining number?

Wait.

I've got it.

And now, folks, the great escape mode.

Oh, no, you don't.

Nice try, Escaple.

I sure hope this works, Walter. I have tried a lot of ways to get out of here.

This is gonna work, Kermit.

I'll see you on the outside. Okay.

Gosh, I hope this works.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, everybody.

And now we're going underground, working in the coal mine.

Working in the coal mine, going down, down, down. Working in the coal mine,

who about to slip down?

Five o'clock in the morning, I'm already up and gone.

Lord, I'm so tired.

How long?

Can we just go on with that? Working in the coal mine, going down, down, down.

Working in the coal mine, we're about to slip down.

Working in the coal

mine,

going down, down.

And when I came,

I was about to slip down in the cold of my hymn. Woo!

Oh, no.

Guys, now put the pedal to the metal! We have a wedding to crash! Yeah!

That's a nice venue.

The main entrance is two-wheel girded.

I'm gonna need to get in some other way.

Here you go.

You the new guy?

Yes, I am.

Next time, wear a uniform.

Right.

Kermit, you look like James Bond back there.

Thanks, Fozzie. Okay, listen, guys.

Walter, you and Animal go look in the chapel.

Fozzie, come with me. Yes, sir.

Good luck, guys.

You too.

Piggy?

Where is she?

Can it?

These are your clothes.

Someone's coming. Hide!

Hide!

What room am I supposed to be in?

Here it is.

I hate weddings.

There you are.

Well, don't just stand there gawping, number two. Come in.

Let us take this convenient opportunity to review our plans.

Once you've stolen the crown jewels and framed the mappets, ring the tower bell

five times and we will rendezvous on the roof.

But what will you do when you're married? Because the pig will know

everything. Once she's served her purpose, kaboom, it will be bacon for

breakfast.

Some pain-freeze delivery?

Put it over there on the bear-skin rug.

Thank you.

It's showtime.

Fozzie, are you okay?

Yeah, I think so.

How do I look?

You look fine. You look fine. Come on, we have to go rescue Miss Piggy. Right,

let's go!

And Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog. No, no, no, no. As you

might say, case solved.

Perfect. Time for my annual eight-week bed vacation.

Au revoir. Au revoir. No, wait. What am I supposed to do with them until the

mobile holding unit arrives?

On holiday.

No, you've got the wrong frog. Stay there.

Oh, and so you know, number two, I have hired us help.

The world's smallest team of jewel thieves.

Babies, meet your new boss.

Oh, genius, I know.

Who would suspect babies of stealing crown jewels?

Look at their sweet faces.

Hmm,

let's see. Where am I seated?

I'll need an usher. Usher! Is there an usher?

Yes, I'm the usher.

Pig or frog?

What do you think?

I don't know, man.

Pig? Nope.

Frog, I'm related through marriage. What kind of an usher are you?

You're

up,

little dudes.

Go, go, go.

It's starting.

She looks beautiful.

Fozzie, we've got to do something. Oh, this is so frustrating.

Wow, would you look at that? Now that's a poorly made car.

Let's get out of here.

I'm just happy for him.

I'm really happy for him. Please stop talking. Okay.

Dearly beloved.

Code Run! Code Run!

Oh, come on. Not a laser web.

Right, go and get the suspendy ropey thing and my really cool skin-tight

outfit. Yep.

Sean, come back from vacation.

Constantine and the lemur have escaped. The crown jewels are in danger.

We are gathered here today to witness the union of this pig and this frog

in holy matrimony before the presence of God.

Kermit the Frog, take Miss Piggy to be your lawfully wedded wife in sickness

and in health, so help you God? Yes. Yes, I do. And do you, Miss Piggy,

take Kermit the Frog to be your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in

health, so help you God?

This is what you've always wanted, right?

I do?

I'm sorry, is that a question?

No, it was not a question.

We gotta do something, guys.

Kermit, we've gotta get you close to Miss Piggy. What does this do?

What the?

Piggy, it's me, Kermit. Come on, we have to get out of here. The wedding is off.

Oh, wow, like I kind of knew. We'd get cold flippers.

Excuse us.

No, Kermit! What are you doing? Piggy, I will explain later. I cannot believe

this. Come here.

Where are you going?

I'm sorry, my dear. Forgive me. What is going on? That's my wedding. Gotcha.

What?

Animal pull. What is happening here?

Cat's froggy, cat's froggy.

Well, this is the best Muppet wedding ever.

Piggy, listen, that's not me. I'm me.

He's Constantine, the world's most dangerous...

Two

Kermits? Well, that explains a lot.

How can there be two Kermits?

All the ways to ruin a wedding. This has got to be the most creative.

Two Kermits.

No, just one Kermit. Me.

No, no, no, no, no. Do not listen to him. I am the real Kermit. That's

ridiculous. I am Kermit the Frog. No, I am Kermit the Frog. I have always been.

Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here. Hi-ho. Every Kermit be quiet.

Well,

there's only one sure way to settle this. First Kermit, will you marry me?

Yes, of course. Let's go. The helicopter is waiting, my love.

And you, Mother Kermit, will you marry me?

Well, I mean, I would. I mean, I could.

It's not that I wouldn't. That's my Kermit!

frog than this kermit person and now i have

only one thing to say to you fools good

night folks what is

that it's a bomb this is where my patented magnetic bomb attractor vest

can aid us that beaker is conveniently wary

Miss Piggy's ring is the bomb!

Some of you guys grab Piggy, and some of you guys grab me!

That's only 800 years old.

Yeah, shut up and keep moving big you are my insurance policy Number

two you look ridiculous.

Why are you wearing that because I am the Lena and the world's new number one

criminal That's right. This is where I double-cross you first rule of double

-cross You don't announce the double-cross before you double-cross.

It's not even the rule because it is so obvious

the worst bad guy name I have ever heard.

Let's go.

He's getting away.

What are we going to do?

I'm going to stop that helicopter.

We're coming.

Hang on, Miss Piggy.

Shut up, Pig.

We got to do something.

I got it. There's only one way we can reach him up there.

Come on up, Chef!

Ah, watch the hair, Bear!

Give up, Constantine.

I've got you now.

Bad move, Frog.

Ah, Kermit! Okay, Kermit, we're coming to get you.

Now!

Whoa!

Nope, something's wrong. It's not moving.

Welcome aboard, cabinet.

You don't know who you're dealing with. I am the world's most dangerous-

My woman. And I believe this belongs to you.

Well,

I'm sorry I ruined your wedding.

Oh, Carmen.

I'm so glad you're-

What an action sequence!

Congratulations,

weirdos. You've saved the crown jewel.

And you've caught my nemesis, the lemur. Look at his little costume. That's

adorable. I'm not adorable. He is adorable.

You're adorable.

Did you make that kitty cat outfit?

The bad guy is Dominic Badguy.

Well, mon ami?

I guess this is where we say goodbye.

You go your way and I go mine.

Here comes the rain.

Oh, boy.

And I said I wasn't going to do this.

Pull yourself together, man. Stop crying.

We're only saying our final farewell.

Goodbye.

Forever. I'm going to miss you so much. I'm going to miss you, my best friend.

Whenever you're ready.

Take them away.

Take them away. Thank you. Au revoir, moopettes.

Bye-bye.

Sam?

Shut up.

Sam, wait for me!

You know, I missed all of you so much.

There he is, right there.

Arrest him.

Arrest that.

Not yet? Wait, for what?

For leading the largest mass breakout in Gulag history.

You will get 30 years, maybe 50.

But... No buts, Kermit.

You didn't finish Gulag annual review, and you didn't even say goodbye.

What? You are coming with me. Now move!

Fellas, listen, easy.

Kermit! Wait!

We're sorry, Kermit.

We're sorry that we didn't notice you were missing.

We're sorry we didn't tell you often enough how much you mean to all of us.

We're sorry we ever took you for granted.

But that's never going to happen again.

Because if Kermit has to go back to the Gulag, you'll have

to take me too.

You're my best friend, Kermit. Wherever you go, I go.

You'll have to take me, too.

And me.

Kermit, we convinced ourselves that evil frog was you.

Because he gave us what we thought we wanted.

When what we really wanted, what we really needed... Was you, Kermit.

The actual, real you.

It would appear you were right, Kermit.

I guess this is your family.

And families belong together.

You are free to go.

Forever.

Hey, guys, listen. We still have to finish our world tour, and I know where

we need to play next. For one night only, Siberia, Russia!

Oh,

wonderful! It's terrible.

You will hate this. You will hate this.

this is it the gulag finale here we go a one two three four

together again again gee it's

good to be together again again i just can't imagine that you've ever

been gone it's not starting over it's just going on together again again

now we're here and there's no

No feeling feels like that feeling.

Together again.

Again! Again, again!

Woohoo!

Together again, again.

Gee, it's good to be together again, again.

I just can't imagine that you've ever been home.

It's not starting over, it's just going on.

Together again, again.

has no feeling feels and they're feeling together again again

I

just

can't imagine that you've ever been gone It's not starting over.

It's just going on.

Together again, again.

Gee, it's good to be together again, again.

Cause no feeling feels like not feeling.

Together-a.

Together-a.

Together again.

Okay, Nadia, this is it. You're solo.

This cast is really heavy.

Ralph, come here, come here, come here. Yeah, what do you got there? Take this.

You should have negotiated a smaller font size.

I

believe

I may have something that could help.

This is my automated end crawl operating machine.

All I have to do is push this button and it will crawl all by itself.

Let's try this.

Another qualified success.

Check this out.

Baby, stop right there.

Let me clear the air.

Baby, look into these eyes.

Let me apologize.

I know what you're thinking of.

You think, where's the love? Baby, the love ain't gone.

It's here where it belongs I know what you're waiting for Well,

you don't need to wait no more I can give you anything you want Give you

anything you need I'll make your dreams come true Give you anything

you want Fulfill your fantasies I'll make your dreams come

true You want a taste of fame? I'll give it to you. You want a little cupcake?

I'll give it to you. You want a cockatoo? I'll give it to you. You want

a kangaroo? I'll give it to you. You want an American car? I'll give it to

you. You want a Hollywood star? I'll give it to you. You want to go to the

moon?

I'll see what I can do.

I know what you're waiting for.

Well, you don't need to wait.

dreams come true.

I'm saying I'll give

it to you. I'll make your dreams come true.

I'll give it to you. I'll make your dreams come true.

You can go home now, Ma. The movie's over.