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1
00:00:15,977 --> 00:00:17,977
(ODD CREAKING SOUND)
2
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,924
(SOUND REPEATS)
3
00:00:26,383 --> 00:00:28,280
What the...
4
00:00:31,269 --> 00:00:33,007
Who the hell gave you permission
5
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:35,032
to monkey around with
my precious volumes?
6
00:00:35,057 --> 00:00:36,732
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
7
00:00:36,757 --> 00:00:38,053
NANDOR: What has he done now?
8
00:00:38,078 --> 00:00:40,187
He's been monkeying around
with my precious volumes.
9
00:00:40,212 --> 00:00:42,117
No, I haven't been monkey... I
haven't touched your books.
10
00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:44,750
Oh, really? Well, explain this.
11
00:00:45,698 --> 00:00:47,297
Shit, he's taken it up a notch.
12
00:00:47,322 --> 00:00:48,367
That's worse than before.
13
00:00:48,392 --> 00:00:50,720
Guillermo, why would
you do such a thing?
14
00:00:50,745 --> 00:00:52,531
I didn't do it. I-I haven't
even been in this room.
15
00:00:52,556 --> 00:00:53,765
I wasn't even here.
16
00:00:53,790 --> 00:00:55,038
LASZLO: Well, you're in there now.
17
00:00:55,063 --> 00:00:56,971
- NADJA: What's going on?
- LASZLO: It's Gizmo.
18
00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:58,875
He's been causing havoc
in the household.
19
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,812
Ooh.
20
00:01:01,091 --> 00:01:03,231
Look. Look.
21
00:01:06,709 --> 00:01:09,321
"Laszlo sucks," backwards.
22
00:01:09,489 --> 00:01:11,014
LASZLO: Laszlo doesn't suck.
23
00:01:11,053 --> 00:01:13,147
And if he did, he certainly
wouldn't do it backwards.
24
00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:14,640
GUILLERMO: I didn't write it.
25
00:01:14,702 --> 00:01:16,203
NADJA: Hmm.
26
00:01:16,684 --> 00:01:18,150
We've got ghosts.
27
00:01:18,175 --> 00:01:19,635
- Bullshit.
- (NADJA GROANS)
28
00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:21,458
(LASZLO GRUNTS)
29
00:01:21,795 --> 00:01:23,981
("YOU'RE DEAD" BY NORMA TANEGA PLAYING)
30
00:01:24,006 --> 00:01:26,647
♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
31
00:01:26,672 --> 00:01:29,545
♪ They have no use for your song ♪
32
00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:32,486
♪ You're dead, you're
dead, you're dead ♪
33
00:01:32,511 --> 00:01:35,279
♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
34
00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:39,234
♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪
35
00:01:39,259 --> 00:01:41,937
♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪
36
00:01:42,011 --> 00:01:44,797
♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪
37
00:01:44,822 --> 00:01:47,390
♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪
38
00:01:47,594 --> 00:01:50,294
♪ ♪
39
00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:55,451
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
40
00:01:56,552 --> 00:01:59,647
A ghost is the spirit of
a person who has died,
41
00:01:59,672 --> 00:02:01,881
but still has unfinished business
42
00:02:01,906 --> 00:02:03,178
on this mortal plane.
43
00:02:03,203 --> 00:02:04,678
There's no such thing as ghosts.
44
00:02:04,703 --> 00:02:05,983
Okay, here we go again.
45
00:02:06,008 --> 00:02:07,663
My wife comes from the kind of town
46
00:02:07,688 --> 00:02:10,021
that believes in all this kind
of superstitious nonsense.
47
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,046
She also thinks goblins are real.
48
00:02:12,071 --> 00:02:14,365
Personally, I'm a man of science.
49
00:02:14,398 --> 00:02:17,170
All right, then, Dr. Arsehole,
how does your science
50
00:02:17,195 --> 00:02:19,334
- explain what we just saw?
- Now, you see,
51
00:02:19,359 --> 00:02:20,639
it can be one of two things.
52
00:02:20,664 --> 00:02:22,351
One, a mercurical zephyr.
53
00:02:22,413 --> 00:02:24,346
Two, it's a farrago of gasses,
54
00:02:24,371 --> 00:02:25,904
possibly from a peat bog.
55
00:02:25,989 --> 00:02:28,232
Now, if you capture these
and add them together,
56
00:02:28,257 --> 00:02:30,325
using yellow bile from
a plague victim...
57
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,361
(HISSES)
58
00:02:31,386 --> 00:02:33,459
you've got what looks like a ghost.
59
00:02:33,484 --> 00:02:35,918
- But it's science.
- Ooh! (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
60
00:02:35,943 --> 00:02:36,975
NANDOR: Ghosts are
61
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,475
the stuff of fairy tales.
62
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,857
Stories we tell children to frighten out
63
00:02:41,882 --> 00:02:44,295
their excess energy so that they might
64
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,209
- slumber more peacefully.
- GUILLERMO: Huh.
65
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,474
Did you say something?
66
00:02:50,499 --> 00:02:53,850
I'm sorry, vampires are
real, but ghosts are not?
67
00:02:54,384 --> 00:02:57,350
He's heard too many fairy
stories from Nadja.
68
00:02:57,375 --> 00:02:58,636
No, I actually just want to make sure
69
00:02:58,661 --> 00:02:59,740
we're on the same page.
70
00:02:59,765 --> 00:03:01,904
You know, after years
of working for you,
71
00:03:01,929 --> 00:03:04,287
a known vampire, I have seen
72
00:03:04,312 --> 00:03:06,267
- werewolves, necromancers...
- (GROWLING)
73
00:03:06,292 --> 00:03:08,124
a zombie and several Babadooks,
74
00:03:08,149 --> 00:03:10,650
but a ghost, that's
where we draw the line.
75
00:03:10,675 --> 00:03:13,175
Several? You saw one Bababook.
76
00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:15,676
- Several Ba...
- Don't exaggerate.
77
00:03:16,045 --> 00:03:18,533
Do I believe in ghosts? Uh, no.
78
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,107
Color me skeptical.
79
00:03:20,132 --> 00:03:24,576
Um, though, maybe it's ghosts
that are always stealing
80
00:03:24,601 --> 00:03:28,402
that one sock from the dryer. (LAUGHS)
81
00:03:29,051 --> 00:03:32,652
I've been experimenting with, uh, humor
82
00:03:32,824 --> 00:03:34,842
to drain energy.
83
00:03:34,967 --> 00:03:37,177
Which reminds me, does anyone here
84
00:03:37,202 --> 00:03:39,068
have any updog?
85
00:03:39,862 --> 00:03:41,014
Updog?
86
00:03:41,732 --> 00:03:43,465
If I didn't know what updog was,
87
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:46,603
I would at least ask-ask me. (CHUCKLES)
88
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:53,146
Hey, everybody, look at my
enormous crystal balls.
89
00:03:53,346 --> 00:03:56,927
Maybe these ghosts will
bring with them some updog.
90
00:03:58,039 --> 00:04:02,162
Guillermo, did you get my
joke about my enormous balls?
91
00:04:02,378 --> 00:04:04,138
- I did, Master.
- NADJA: Silence!
92
00:04:04,163 --> 00:04:05,538
The time is nigh.
93
00:04:05,628 --> 00:04:07,462
Everybody join hands.
94
00:04:07,487 --> 00:04:09,912
COLIN: Sorry if my hands
are a little oily.
95
00:04:09,937 --> 00:04:12,128
It's from my rash cream.
96
00:04:12,232 --> 00:04:14,935
NADJA: Troubled spirits, draw ye near.
97
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:19,334
Uncloak yourselves and
reveal to us your forms
98
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:20,935
on this terrestrial plane.
99
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,056
I beseech you, using the ancient words.
100
00:04:24,361 --> 00:04:25,911
'Eye' tis ka lay
101
00:04:25,936 --> 00:04:29,982
ksenikon e patroion, e
pakouston e foraton e keye,
102
00:04:30,007 --> 00:04:32,153
kath-eye-restho hon-'pear'
103
00:04:32,178 --> 00:04:34,224
apokatharet-eye.
104
00:04:34,249 --> 00:04:36,015
(VOCALIZING)
105
00:04:36,278 --> 00:04:37,744
Mm...
106
00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:39,447
(LOUD CREAKING)
107
00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:42,283
(CREAKING MOAN ECHOES)
108
00:04:43,786 --> 00:04:46,883
- Guillermo, did you make a fart?
- No.
109
00:04:46,908 --> 00:04:49,233
I think someone summoned
a breakfast burrito.
110
00:04:49,258 --> 00:04:50,270
Silence!
111
00:04:50,295 --> 00:04:52,297
A spirit is struggling to be heard.
112
00:04:52,389 --> 00:04:56,255
Is it maybe a spirit who's
struggling with IBS?
113
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,122
(LAUGHTER)
114
00:04:58,147 --> 00:05:00,239
You have ruined the energy of the séance
115
00:05:00,264 --> 00:05:03,143
with your toilet potty
poo-poo-mouth humor!
116
00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:06,558
And a price will be paid. You fools!
117
00:05:06,746 --> 00:05:10,102
Nadja, we were only joking.
118
00:05:10,526 --> 00:05:12,069
Idiots.
119
00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:14,523
(SIGHS)
120
00:05:17,756 --> 00:05:19,363
(NADJA GASPS)
121
00:05:22,929 --> 00:05:24,162
Oh, yes.
122
00:05:24,187 --> 00:05:26,119
Jeff... Jesk.
123
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,996
So you are a ghost now, yes?
124
00:05:28,390 --> 00:05:30,701
My Nadja.
125
00:05:30,726 --> 00:05:32,600
For an eternity, I have longed to hear
126
00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:35,545
your sweet, angelic voice
say my name again.
127
00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:37,216
Well, it's only been a few
months since you died,
128
00:05:37,241 --> 00:05:40,553
but that's... Thank you, very nice.
129
00:05:40,578 --> 00:05:42,406
I have missed you so.
130
00:05:42,431 --> 00:05:43,797
Sorry, can I just stop you?
131
00:05:43,822 --> 00:05:45,972
It's really weird with you down there.
132
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,196
If you could... Sorry, the head.
133
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:48,439
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
134
00:05:48,464 --> 00:05:49,492
Put it back on the neck.
135
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,981
- Sorry, it's just...
- Right, right, right, right.
136
00:05:51,006 --> 00:05:53,088
- Duh. Ew.
- Ugh. (CHUCKLES)
137
00:05:53,113 --> 00:05:54,218
This is better, huh?
138
00:05:54,243 --> 00:05:55,209
So much better.
139
00:05:55,234 --> 00:05:58,010
- Thanks.
- So, Jesk, what can I...
140
00:05:58,035 --> 00:06:00,986
Um, sorry for not taking
you seriously, my darling.
141
00:06:01,011 --> 00:06:03,781
(SCOFFS) And what do you
think about it now?
142
00:06:03,806 --> 00:06:05,491
What do I think about what?
143
00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:06,986
Jesk, say something.
144
00:06:07,011 --> 00:06:08,807
Hey, thanks for cutting my head off.
145
00:06:08,832 --> 00:06:11,366
- Again. You dick.
- NADJA: Now, now.
146
00:06:11,435 --> 00:06:13,526
He was just doing his husbandly duties.
147
00:06:13,551 --> 00:06:15,142
Who are you talking to, my darling?
148
00:06:15,179 --> 00:06:16,337
Can't you see him?
149
00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:19,442
There's nobody there, my dear.
Are you okay?
150
00:06:19,467 --> 00:06:21,501
- He's sitting right there.
- There's no one there.
151
00:06:21,526 --> 00:06:22,784
- But he's...
- I'll, uh,
152
00:06:22,809 --> 00:06:24,854
just go back inside and leave you
153
00:06:24,879 --> 00:06:27,346
to, uh, talking to the air.
154
00:06:28,996 --> 00:06:30,893
Shit.
155
00:06:31,212 --> 00:06:32,510
Nandor!
156
00:06:32,728 --> 00:06:34,721
There's a fucking ghost
on the front lawn.
157
00:06:34,746 --> 00:06:37,198
- What? Not you, too.
- I couldn't believe it myself.
158
00:06:37,223 --> 00:06:40,110
But what mine own eyes have
seen, mine own eyes have seen.
159
00:06:40,135 --> 00:06:41,455
I pretended I couldn't see it,
160
00:06:41,511 --> 00:06:43,197
which will give us the
element of surprise.
161
00:06:43,222 --> 00:06:45,656
- Okay. Okay.
- We must act quickly.
162
00:06:45,681 --> 00:06:47,032
Take the large one.
163
00:06:47,234 --> 00:06:49,268
Yes, good idea.
164
00:06:49,293 --> 00:06:50,943
Yeah, that's better.
165
00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:52,801
Right, where's this fucking ghost?!
166
00:06:52,826 --> 00:06:55,278
(SHOUTING)
167
00:06:55,396 --> 00:06:56,751
JEFF: ghost stuff.
168
00:06:56,776 --> 00:07:00,713
Aah! Get ready to swallow my sword!
(GRUNTS)
169
00:07:00,738 --> 00:07:03,173
But it's... What the fuck?
170
00:07:07,084 --> 00:07:09,286
Whoa, shit.
171
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:11,279
That's wild.
172
00:07:11,304 --> 00:07:12,982
- Thank you!
- So, this...
173
00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:14,583
You need to keep your
voice down, otherwise
174
00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:16,692
- that thing will hear us.
- I can hear you.
175
00:07:16,717 --> 00:07:17,740
Now look what you've done.
176
00:07:17,765 --> 00:07:20,021
- What is this gloopy shit?
- Huh.
177
00:07:20,046 --> 00:07:21,530
Looks like ectoplasm.
178
00:07:21,555 --> 00:07:23,822
- Is that right?
- (CHUCKLING): I guess so.
179
00:07:23,847 --> 00:07:27,315
- Is there any in my hair?
- Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
180
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:28,797
Guillermo, tissue, please.
181
00:07:28,822 --> 00:07:30,584
- COLIN: Quite a bit.
- NANDOR: Fucking guy.
182
00:07:30,609 --> 00:07:31,787
That thing needs to be gone.
183
00:07:31,812 --> 00:07:33,163
He's not going to hurt us.
184
00:07:33,188 --> 00:07:35,583
- You're not going to hurt them, right?
- No.
185
00:07:35,608 --> 00:07:36,907
I'm not gonna hurt you guys.
186
00:07:36,932 --> 00:07:38,240
- I'm just here to scare you guys.
- LASZLO: Bollocks.
187
00:07:38,265 --> 00:07:40,044
- Well, we're not scared.
- You should be scared of us.
188
00:07:40,069 --> 00:07:41,724
- NADJA: Calm down.
- Really?
189
00:07:41,749 --> 00:07:43,348
How about now?
190
00:07:43,373 --> 00:07:45,474
- Been there, done that.
- JEFF: How about now?
191
00:07:45,546 --> 00:07:47,192
(ROARING)
192
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:50,012
(ALL SCREAMING)
193
00:07:50,077 --> 00:07:51,476
NADJA: Cut it out!
194
00:07:51,501 --> 00:07:53,892
- Would you stop it!?
- (CHUCKLES)
195
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,060
Pardon me, ghost.
196
00:07:56,098 --> 00:07:58,020
Later, man. It was nice meeting you.
197
00:07:58,657 --> 00:08:00,815
So here's the situation.
198
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,871
Every time my human
ex-lover is reincarnated,
199
00:08:03,896 --> 00:08:06,362
our bodies call to one anothe.
200
00:08:06,973 --> 00:08:10,283
But without a body, he's
all Jesk and no Gregor.
201
00:08:10,308 --> 00:08:11,783
And it stinks.
202
00:08:12,108 --> 00:08:15,349
My unfinished business,
how it torments me.
203
00:08:15,374 --> 00:08:18,779
Please, help me complete it
so I may leave this plane.
204
00:08:18,804 --> 00:08:21,468
Sure. But what, exactly,
do you want me to do?
205
00:08:21,938 --> 00:08:24,700
Just, like, swear that you'll help me...
206
00:08:24,725 --> 00:08:26,294
Do what?! No. I don't
have time for this.
207
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:28,467
My husband is shitting
himself down the road.
208
00:08:28,492 --> 00:08:30,392
All right, all right. I love you.
209
00:08:31,461 --> 00:08:33,528
- And a little to the left.
- (GROANS)
210
00:08:33,553 --> 00:08:36,254
- It sort of looks like updog.
- (HISSES)
211
00:08:37,318 --> 00:08:39,310
(GROWLS) These ghosts, what are they?
212
00:08:39,335 --> 00:08:40,817
NADJA: Humans have bodies.
213
00:08:40,842 --> 00:08:43,164
And within the body resides the spirit.
214
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,027
When the human dies, the
spirit is released.
215
00:08:46,052 --> 00:08:48,613
And that spirit is a ghost!
216
00:08:48,638 --> 00:08:51,272
We are all dead, technically.
217
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,849
You, me and Laszlo.
218
00:08:52,874 --> 00:08:55,303
Each of us died when we became vampires.
219
00:08:55,328 --> 00:08:57,061
Colin Robinson I'm not so sure about.
220
00:08:57,086 --> 00:08:58,535
But the three of us.
221
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:01,654
Yeah, I'm not positive
what my deal is either,
222
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,146
so I just sort of keep on truckin'.
223
00:09:04,171 --> 00:09:05,683
But what is the point?
224
00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:08,036
If we are technically
dead, like he says,
225
00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:09,800
could ghosts of us exist?
226
00:09:09,825 --> 00:09:11,693
No, but...
227
00:09:12,232 --> 00:09:13,661
Huh.
228
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:16,519
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
229
00:09:16,644 --> 00:09:17,702
Huh...
230
00:09:17,727 --> 00:09:19,810
- Not now.
- Shut up.
231
00:09:20,857 --> 00:09:24,149
Hootorektas e-'pay' k-elastero
232
00:09:24,174 --> 00:09:25,886
kath-eye-restho
233
00:09:25,911 --> 00:09:27,292
hon-'pear' hootorektas
234
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:30,738
e-'pay' k-elastero apokatharet-eye.
235
00:09:30,923 --> 00:09:33,620
Ooh, what the blazes?
236
00:09:33,743 --> 00:09:36,202
- (ECHOING): Where am I?
- NADJA: Bloody hell.
237
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:38,120
(SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
238
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,539
- That looks like me.
- What have you done?
239
00:09:40,641 --> 00:09:42,141
Get off me.
240
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:45,394
(GHOSTS SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGES)
241
00:09:45,487 --> 00:09:46,962
LASZLO: Be quiet.
242
00:09:49,048 --> 00:09:51,727
Laszlo, he's wearing
your old night skirt.
243
00:09:51,752 --> 00:09:54,971
He is. Got nothing underneath
it by the looks of it.
244
00:09:56,232 --> 00:09:58,599
It's like looking in the mirror.
245
00:09:58,951 --> 00:10:00,810
So handsome.
246
00:10:01,569 --> 00:10:02,968
I didn't even know
247
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:05,694
I had any unfinished
business when I died.
248
00:10:05,719 --> 00:10:06,894
But, as you can see,
249
00:10:06,919 --> 00:10:08,199
I have a ghost,
250
00:10:08,224 --> 00:10:09,558
so there must be something.
251
00:10:09,583 --> 00:10:11,682
(GHOST SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
252
00:10:11,707 --> 00:10:14,277
Guillermo, can you help
him with that, please?
253
00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:19,261
- He seems very agitated and restless.
- (SHOUTING)
254
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:23,622
And also, he doesn't seem
to speak any English.
255
00:10:23,759 --> 00:10:25,376
Excuse me.
256
00:10:25,401 --> 00:10:29,506
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
257
00:10:29,703 --> 00:10:31,519
I can't believe I've
completely forgotten
258
00:10:31,544 --> 00:10:33,529
how to speak Al Qolnidarese.
259
00:10:33,554 --> 00:10:36,321
My own language. So embarrassing.
260
00:10:36,346 --> 00:10:38,680
Guillermo, what is he saying?
261
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,253
How-how would I know?
262
00:10:40,278 --> 00:10:43,853
I do remember how to say
"Good morning," though.
263
00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:45,306
GHOST NANDOR: Aspam...
264
00:10:45,417 --> 00:10:47,357
Sob bekher.
265
00:10:47,974 --> 00:10:49,359
Baleh?
266
00:10:49,384 --> 00:10:50,860
Sob bekher.
267
00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,779
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
268
00:10:54,897 --> 00:10:56,397
Yeah, no, that's all I've got.
269
00:10:56,443 --> 00:10:58,450
Aspam oonjahss.
270
00:11:00,468 --> 00:11:02,242
You could have learned
to play the bouzouki,
271
00:11:02,267 --> 00:11:03,683
you could have learned
to play the zither,
272
00:11:03,708 --> 00:11:06,458
you could have warmed six million
flatbreads on hot coals.
273
00:11:06,483 --> 00:11:08,116
You could have done one thousand things
274
00:11:08,141 --> 00:11:10,630
a one thousand times,
but what have you done?
275
00:11:10,655 --> 00:11:12,964
Well, I have some things I've
been planning on getting to.
276
00:11:12,989 --> 00:11:15,464
Maláka! All you do is
sit around this house
277
00:11:15,489 --> 00:11:17,590
with these two dumb men just talking
278
00:11:17,615 --> 00:11:19,792
about their willies and their arseholes.
279
00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:21,948
I wouldn't call them dumb.
280
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,558
- And their farts.
- Whatever.
281
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,394
Enough about me. What about you?
282
00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:27,452
How can I help you finish
your unfinished business?
283
00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:29,394
Oh... (EXCLAIMS IN GREEK)
284
00:11:29,419 --> 00:11:31,005
You are my unfinished business.
285
00:11:31,030 --> 00:11:33,367
How can I rest until you do something
286
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,644
with your eternal life?
287
00:11:34,669 --> 00:11:37,355
Instead of sitting around here
like a bump on a log's ass.
288
00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:39,440
What? Like, learning
to play the bouzouki?
289
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:42,105
- That might be a start! Ugh...
- Oh... (EXCLAIMS IN GREEK)
290
00:11:42,130 --> 00:11:43,546
BOTH: you are absolutely impossible.
291
00:11:43,571 --> 00:11:46,005
- I am like...
- (LAUGHS)
292
00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:47,925
(BOTH LAUGH)
293
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:49,360
We said exactly the same...
294
00:11:49,385 --> 00:11:51,035
We did the same with the words.
295
00:11:51,060 --> 00:11:53,776
Oh, come on.
296
00:11:53,801 --> 00:11:56,869
Hey. I was, uh, just giving
you an update on my, um...
297
00:11:56,894 --> 00:11:58,660
(CLEARS THROAT) ...unfinished business?
298
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,167
It remains unfinished.
299
00:12:00,192 --> 00:12:02,926
- So, if you have...
- All right, not now, Jesk.
300
00:12:03,138 --> 00:12:04,834
Yeah, okay.
301
00:12:05,071 --> 00:12:07,604
Who was that pasty
little piece of hummus?
302
00:12:07,629 --> 00:12:09,581
I'm telling you, don't
even go there, girly.
303
00:12:09,606 --> 00:12:11,769
Nothing but a pain and the heartache.
304
00:12:11,794 --> 00:12:13,621
Sounds like somebody has gone there
305
00:12:13,646 --> 00:12:15,128
- and then come back from there.
- (LAUGHS)
306
00:12:15,153 --> 00:12:16,542
Well, what can I say?
307
00:12:16,567 --> 00:12:18,133
I'm a ravenous little monster.
308
00:12:18,158 --> 00:12:20,859
We both are. We're very, very horny.
309
00:12:20,884 --> 00:12:23,328
(BOTH LAUGH)
310
00:12:23,515 --> 00:12:26,516
I bagged this chap on a midnight
sojourn to the Lake District.
311
00:12:26,736 --> 00:12:28,800
- Keswick?
- Grasmere, actually.
312
00:12:28,825 --> 00:12:31,669
Grasmere, yeah, I used to
visit a duchess in Grasmere.
313
00:12:31,694 --> 00:12:34,495
- Yes, I remember.
- Yes, of course you do.
314
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,758
Now I am led to believe that
your presence here indicates
315
00:12:37,783 --> 00:12:41,652
some kind of unfinished business
on this terrestrial plane.
316
00:12:41,731 --> 00:12:44,031
- Indeed so.
- Sorry about that, old chap.
317
00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:46,058
- Anything I can help with?
- Well, actually, yes.
318
00:12:46,083 --> 00:12:47,582
I believe you can.
319
00:12:47,607 --> 00:12:49,978
You remember the night you
officially died, I presume?
320
00:12:50,034 --> 00:12:51,355
Oh, I remember it well.
321
00:12:51,380 --> 00:12:54,253
My lovely Nadja came in through
the window, took my life,
322
00:12:54,278 --> 00:12:56,978
thus making me the vampire
you see before you now.
323
00:12:57,003 --> 00:12:58,765
A damn handsome one
at that, I might say.
324
00:12:58,790 --> 00:13:00,605
(LAUGHS) You're too kind.
325
00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:04,160
Now, you remember the precise
moment Nadja took our life,
326
00:13:04,185 --> 00:13:06,661
I was on the verge of a sexual climax.
327
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:10,089
Well, here's the thing. I was
on the verge of fulfillment,
328
00:13:10,114 --> 00:13:12,711
yet I couldn't quite finish.
329
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,337
Ah. I see.
330
00:13:14,362 --> 00:13:17,597
You want to finish your
final human orgasm?
331
00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:20,385
Yes. I have tried to finish
myself off with these hands,
332
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:21,605
but they're ghost hands.
333
00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:23,214
They don't have the necessary stimulus.
334
00:13:23,239 --> 00:13:25,058
Hmm. How irritating.
335
00:13:25,083 --> 00:13:27,517
Yeah, whereas your meat
hands, I'm convinced,
336
00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:31,644
would give me the traction
for full sexual release.
337
00:13:41,790 --> 00:13:43,924
Things are not going so great.
338
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,899
The language barrier is insurmountable.
339
00:13:45,924 --> 00:13:49,860
Een khar asan zabooneh
khodesham yadesh nist.
340
00:13:49,885 --> 00:13:52,185
Khejahlatam khoob chisiyeh.
341
00:13:53,575 --> 00:13:54,890
Evah.
342
00:13:55,297 --> 00:13:57,134
Aspam oonjahss.
343
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:01,526
You want to learn how to paint?
344
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:04,719
Nah. Aspam.
345
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:06,907
Aspam John.
346
00:14:06,932 --> 00:14:09,420
Yes, my horse John.
347
00:14:09,445 --> 00:14:10,696
John.
348
00:14:11,258 --> 00:14:12,645
Yes.
349
00:14:12,735 --> 00:14:14,522
I get it now.
350
00:14:14,637 --> 00:14:17,025
Aspam John.
351
00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:20,157
Areh. Aspam John.
352
00:14:20,346 --> 00:14:23,197
Aspam means "my horse."
353
00:14:23,398 --> 00:14:24,790
John.
354
00:14:24,815 --> 00:14:27,082
NANDOR: John was my closest companion.
355
00:14:27,113 --> 00:14:29,813
Closer than even members
of my own family.
356
00:14:29,838 --> 00:14:33,206
House slaves, concubines,
357
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:35,375
37 wives.
358
00:14:35,492 --> 00:14:39,661
Sometimes I would feed him nuts
and berries from my own mouth.
359
00:14:40,021 --> 00:14:42,216
He would accompany me everywhere.
360
00:14:42,241 --> 00:14:43,844
On the battlefield,
361
00:14:43,869 --> 00:14:46,903
as I relentlessly slaughtered
thousands of enemies.
362
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:51,016
And also, he would be there
when I felt a little sad.
363
00:14:52,373 --> 00:14:53,852
John.
364
00:14:54,082 --> 00:14:56,230
(BOTH LAUGH)
365
00:14:56,491 --> 00:14:59,317
We have decided that my ghost
366
00:14:59,342 --> 00:15:01,243
is going to stick around for a while.
367
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,337
Because we're having a
real laugh together.
368
00:15:03,362 --> 00:15:04,423
(LAUGHS)
369
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:05,993
A very funny hat situation.
370
00:15:06,018 --> 00:15:08,047
Two. One and two.
371
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:11,673
- (WHOOPS)
- You know, it is just so nice
372
00:15:11,705 --> 00:15:14,180
to have someone smart to
talk to for a change.
373
00:15:14,227 --> 00:15:15,913
I love Laszlo, I do,
374
00:15:15,938 --> 00:15:17,156
- but it's always...
- Of course.
375
00:15:17,181 --> 00:15:18,876
(LASZLO IMPRESSION):
"Ah, darling, I seem
376
00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:20,751
"to have got my crotch stuck
377
00:15:20,776 --> 00:15:23,187
to the taxidermy fox's mouth again.
Whoopsie."
378
00:15:23,212 --> 00:15:24,265
So desperate.
379
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,293
You know? And Nandor is just like,
380
00:15:26,318 --> 00:15:28,132
(NANDOR IMPRESSION): "Oh,
this battle and that battle."
381
00:15:28,157 --> 00:15:30,233
So much toxic masculinity
in the Ottoman Empire.
382
00:15:30,258 --> 00:15:32,460
- Serious. Real problem.
- (REGULAR VOICE): It is a lot me
383
00:15:32,485 --> 00:15:35,647
sitting there silently,
nodding and smiling politely
384
00:15:35,672 --> 00:15:37,515
and not a lot of plain talk.
385
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:40,179
Until this one came along.
386
00:15:40,405 --> 00:15:43,152
Oh. Hang on. (GASPS)
387
00:15:43,556 --> 00:15:44,992
Ooh.
388
00:15:45,017 --> 00:15:46,585
You know, that could be perfect.
389
00:15:46,610 --> 00:15:48,320
- Do you like?
- I love.
390
00:15:48,345 --> 00:15:50,179
Okay, so do we need to do any sort
391
00:15:50,204 --> 00:15:53,370
of occult procedure or ceremony or...
392
00:15:54,092 --> 00:15:56,198
Ah. It was that easy.
393
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:59,032
Oh, yes. Yes, this will do nicely.
394
00:15:59,057 --> 00:16:01,140
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
- (LAUGHS) Oh, shh. Shh, shh.
395
00:16:01,165 --> 00:16:03,232
No more talking. I don't
want the boys to know
396
00:16:03,257 --> 00:16:04,687
that you have taken a new form.
397
00:16:04,712 --> 00:16:06,108
I don't think they would understand.
398
00:16:06,148 --> 00:16:08,753
- JEFF: Hey, Nadja?
- (SIGHS)
399
00:16:08,778 --> 00:16:11,093
My unfinished business, please?
400
00:16:11,118 --> 00:16:14,671
Gregor, please, just fuck
off for real this time.
401
00:16:14,696 --> 00:16:17,632
Listen, will you at least
hear my tales of woe?
402
00:16:17,657 --> 00:16:20,780
I want to tell you about them,
I need to tell you about them.
403
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:23,507
Jesk, you are very sweet,
404
00:16:23,532 --> 00:16:25,985
but you're not my
responsibility anymore.
405
00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:27,696
Jesk, I think you need to hear this.
406
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:31,667
You are just a lovely guy that
I took very strong sex with
407
00:16:31,692 --> 00:16:33,358
a few hundred thousand times,
408
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,936
and then my husband cut your head off.
Move on!
409
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:38,889
So you have been busy
these past 700 years.
410
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,480
(GHOST NADJA LAUGHS)
411
00:16:40,505 --> 00:16:42,038
So you want me to go?
412
00:16:42,063 --> 00:16:44,380
- Go!
- All right, all right.
413
00:16:44,405 --> 00:16:46,631
Oh, he's so pathetic.
414
00:16:46,656 --> 00:16:48,509
I love it.
415
00:16:49,752 --> 00:16:51,679
Seriously. Call me.
416
00:16:51,704 --> 00:16:53,097
Jesk!
417
00:16:54,071 --> 00:16:55,818
- Mm-hmm.
- GHOST NADJA: See you again soon,
418
00:16:55,874 --> 00:16:57,225
you tasty little honeypot.
419
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,592
(KISSING SOUNDS)
420
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:01,620
Tonne a'otonne-tropon
421
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,848
kathi-restao.
422
00:17:03,873 --> 00:17:08,028
Hon-pear apokatharet-eye.
423
00:17:09,076 --> 00:17:10,782
Yuck.
424
00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:14,743
- (SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
- (HORSE NEIGHING)
425
00:17:14,856 --> 00:17:17,497
(HOOVES CLOPPING)
426
00:17:24,103 --> 00:17:26,421
(WHINNIES SOFTLY)
427
00:17:28,168 --> 00:17:30,885
- Aspam John.
- John.
428
00:17:32,454 --> 00:17:33,887
NANDOR: John?
429
00:17:34,010 --> 00:17:35,806
I have missed you so.
430
00:17:35,831 --> 00:17:38,351
I never thought I would see you again.
431
00:17:38,644 --> 00:17:41,605
John and I were inseparable, but, uh,
432
00:17:41,630 --> 00:17:45,357
eventually, I had to eat him.
433
00:17:45,570 --> 00:17:48,348
My army and myself found
ourselves stranded
434
00:17:48,373 --> 00:17:49,740
with no food.
435
00:17:49,959 --> 00:17:51,697
I ate John.
436
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:55,241
I wept the entire meal...
437
00:17:56,631 --> 00:17:59,496
even though he tasted delicious.
438
00:17:59,863 --> 00:18:01,441
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
439
00:18:01,466 --> 00:18:03,417
NANDOR: Been a good boy, yes?
440
00:18:03,442 --> 00:18:04,941
(WHINNIES SOFTLY)
441
00:18:04,966 --> 00:18:06,499
(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
442
00:18:06,616 --> 00:18:10,184
John? What is happening?
443
00:18:10,247 --> 00:18:13,377
- Where are they going?
- COLIN: I think your ghost's
444
00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:15,496
unfinished business is that
445
00:18:15,521 --> 00:18:19,656
he wanted to be reunited
with your guys's horse.
446
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:20,934
- John.
- GHOST NANDOR: John.
447
00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:24,814
Right. And now that
you've reunited them,
448
00:18:24,839 --> 00:18:28,408
they can move on from this
world to the afterlife.
449
00:18:29,014 --> 00:18:30,860
Farewell, John.
450
00:18:31,168 --> 00:18:34,336
Perhaps we will be reunited again
451
00:18:34,586 --> 00:18:36,492
in the hereafter.
452
00:18:37,155 --> 00:18:38,654
Sob bekher.
453
00:18:38,693 --> 00:18:42,916
Yes. Good morning to
you, too, my friend.
454
00:18:44,459 --> 00:18:46,826
Good morning to you both.
455
00:18:47,545 --> 00:18:49,579
Mm...
456
00:18:52,848 --> 00:18:54,385
There, there.
457
00:18:54,828 --> 00:18:56,227
Hug?
458
00:18:58,012 --> 00:19:02,059
(WHISPERS): I think you
just need a little updog.
459
00:19:02,572 --> 00:19:04,720
NANDOR: Can we go get some now?
460
00:19:08,392 --> 00:19:10,336
Interesting choice for the walls.
461
00:19:10,361 --> 00:19:11,845
It's not how I would do it.
462
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:13,537
- NADJA: Hello, darling.
- Hello, my darling.
463
00:19:13,562 --> 00:19:15,539
- What have you got there?
- Oh... (STAMMERS)
464
00:19:15,564 --> 00:19:17,861
Nothing, really, just a
little dolly I thought might
465
00:19:17,886 --> 00:19:20,719
- cuten up the place. (CHUCKLES)
- What a charming addition.
466
00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:22,346
So, where is your ghost?
467
00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:24,650
Oh, he, uh, he's moved on,
468
00:19:24,675 --> 00:19:26,141
to the next world.
469
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:28,367
Did you helped him finish
his unfinished business?
470
00:19:29,198 --> 00:19:31,649
- Yes.
- Good.
471
00:19:31,674 --> 00:19:34,314
- I'm gonna show her around.
- Ah, ha, ha.
472
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,594
-(SQUISHES)
-Ugh, what is all this
sticky stuff?
473
00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:39,722
Oh, it-it's everywhere.
474
00:19:39,794 --> 00:19:41,347
Is it ghost ectoplasm?
475
00:19:41,372 --> 00:19:43,739
Yes, my darling. That's
exactly what it is.
476
00:19:43,764 --> 00:19:46,498
- Ghost ectoplasm.
- (MOANS)
477
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:48,355
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
478
00:19:48,434 --> 00:19:49,733
(SQUISHING)
479
00:19:49,758 --> 00:19:53,319
Hon-pear hootorektas e-pay
480
00:19:53,344 --> 00:19:57,823
k-elastero apokatharet-eye.
481
00:20:02,121 --> 00:20:04,492
- Colin.
- Hi, Grandma.
482
00:20:04,517 --> 00:20:07,885
You are such a big boy now.
483
00:20:07,917 --> 00:20:09,960
And even more handsome.
484
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:13,631
It's probably because
I have so much updog.
485
00:20:13,804 --> 00:20:15,318
What's updog?
486
00:20:15,343 --> 00:20:17,593
Nothing much, dog, what's up with you?
487
00:20:17,618 --> 00:20:19,553
(BOTH LAUGH)
488
00:20:19,578 --> 00:20:21,853
- (SNORTS)
- Oh, Colin.
489
00:20:21,878 --> 00:20:24,433
You are such a stitch.
490
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:27,697
- All right, then.
- So tell me, how is your life?
491
00:20:27,722 --> 00:20:29,688
I have missed so much.
492
00:20:29,713 --> 00:20:32,494
Uh, Grandma, I'm gonna be
honest, I'm pretty busy
493
00:20:32,519 --> 00:20:35,236
right now, so maybe we can
catch up another time.
494
00:20:35,261 --> 00:20:37,134
But there's so much I
want to ask you about.
495
00:20:37,159 --> 00:20:39,377
- Okay, got to go.
- Oh...
496
00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:41,908
Later. (EXHALES)
497
00:20:43,233 --> 00:20:49,291
♪ Darling, I will miss you so ♪
498
00:20:49,501 --> 00:20:55,756
♪ When you have gone away ♪
499
00:20:55,781 --> 00:20:58,656
♪ Miss your kisses ♪
500
00:20:58,681 --> 00:21:01,762
♪ And fond caress ♪
501
00:21:01,787 --> 00:21:04,516
♪ Your haunting voice ♪
502
00:21:04,541 --> 00:21:08,393
♪ And your loveliness ♪
503
00:21:08,418 --> 00:21:14,222
♪ Darlin, I will miss you so ♪
504
00:21:14,247 --> 00:21:18,820
♪ Darling, I'll miss you so. ♪
505
00:21:19,115 --> 00:21:25,208
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36212
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