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1
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,998
Albert Dooley, the student
voted most likely to succeed
2
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,429
of the class of 1 959.
3
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,390
You lovely big success,
Albert.
4
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,836
Daddy.
5
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,996
Excuse me.
Yeah, what is it, son?
6
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,509
Here's a puppy
Eddie said he'd give me.
7
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:51,154
- He's a cute one.
- For only $50.
8
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,473
Fifty dollars?
9
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,479
- He has his own pedigree.
- He oughta have his own car.
10
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,673
l already picked out
a name for him... Charlie.
11
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,668
Yeah, that's fine,
but that's...
12
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,759
l mean, $50,
you know, it's...
13
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:18,839
Well, there are licences
and vets and shots and...
14
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,631
Think of all the food!
15
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,591
l'd share my food with him.
16
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,190
No, Jimmy. Small boys need
all the nourishment they can get.
17
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,192
You're not a small boy.
You could share your food.
18
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,599
Maybe next year,
okay, Jim?
19
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:42,669
l'll get a job. Rent my room, l'll sleep
in the garage with Charlie. Please.
20
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,237
l'm sorry, Jim.
21
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,158
l thought you and l
were pals.
22
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,476
We are pals, pal,
but...
23
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,637
Where am l
gonna get 50 bucks?
24
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,396
l can't even pay
these bills.
25
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,318
Here, Eddie.
Take him.
26
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,796
Pal?
27
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,197
''Cinnamon.''
28
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,914
A bit of cinnamon.
29
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,838
Where's the cinnamon?
l just...
30
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,395
Now, it's cinnamon.
31
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,717
''Mustard.''
32
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,237
Mustard.
33
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,718
''Curry powder.''
34
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,193
''Garlic.''
35
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,997
Garlic?
36
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,117
There must be a simpler way
to make apple sauce.
37
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,276
- Katie!
- Yes, dear?
38
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:34,991
That was Herman
and the Purple Cows.
39
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,351
We have to have another talk
about economising.
40
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,438
First guess what l'm cooking.
Three guesses.
41
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,791
- Later, okay?
- Try, plum pudding.
42
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,876
- Plum pudding.
- Wrong.
43
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,355
Try apple sauce.
44
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,994
Katie, we have to economise.
45
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,917
That's what l'm doing.
46
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,077
l'm making home-made apple sauce
with apples off our tree.
47
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,997
- That's fine.
- Taste it.
48
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:02,635
Tell me if you think
it's too...
49
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,671
..too ingredient.
50
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,877
That's good.
51
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,788
lt's really...
lt's really good.
52
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,274
You think you should've
peeled the apples first?
53
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,437
Oh, no, see, that's where
all your vitamins are.
54
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,317
And the seeds too?
55
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,318
Albert, you should know.
You're the scientist.
56
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,798
Now, there must
be someplace...
57
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,150
that we can cut down.
58
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,238
- This bill from the dress shop...
- l know where we can cut down.
59
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,555
- Where?
- Your lunch money.
60
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,113
What?
61
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,800
lt makes no sense
spending money...
62
00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:00,117
when you have a wife who could
pack you a nice lunch.
63
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,755
Darling, that's too much bother
for you to go to every morning.
64
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,997
- To get up...
- Oh, pooh. What is a wife for?
65
00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,395
lt's just a part
of our marriage vows.
66
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,795
To love and obey,
till death do us in.
67
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,471
Thank you, darling.
68
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,791
Don't tip your lunch.
The apple sauce is on top.
69
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,437
Bye, sweetie.
70
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,472
Daddy, Eddie says
this is my last chance.
71
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,989
- Your last chance for what, pal?
- For Charlie.
72
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,917
- Who?
- The puppy.
73
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:58,477
Don't bother your father with that now.
He's got little enough on his mind as it is.
74
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,839
Mr. Hooper next door,
he has a dog.
75
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,349
He can afford to feed it.
lt's a big one.
76
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,711
Mr. Hooper works for the US Treasury,
and they have our money.
77
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,070
He could afford a giraffe.
78
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,397
- Finley!
- Giraffe!
79
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:29,877
l wish this fool professor made enough
money so l could investigate him.
80
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:44,511
Mornin', Fred.
81
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,995
- Why not drop a bomb on us, Arvin?
- lt'd be quicker.
82
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:03,398
Don't blame us. lt was you old cats who
invented the internal combustion engine.
83
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:04,919
Peace.
84
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,880
You're a lawyer. Do
something about those Wadlow boys.
85
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,151
- Something legal, preferably.
- Did you say ''legal'' or ''lethal''?
86
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,953
Either way, l'll take the case.
l'll take any case.
87
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,833
- l need some rent money.
- You too?
88
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,475
Sometimes l wish l'd been born rich
instead of brilliant.
89
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,871
Mornin'.
90
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,312
Morning, group.
91
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,959
Velma.
Are you awake and ready?
92
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,832
Arnold, wake up.
93
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,198
You two behave yourselves today.
Clyde.
94
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,675
You ready for a big day?
Very good.
95
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,631
Mr. Duck.
96
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,915
Are you gonna shape up today?
97
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,316
For me?
Please?
98
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:06,748
Good.
99
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:11,476
lf you flunk any more of those tests,
you're gonna be a gone goose.
100
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,394
Another dropout performance
like yesterday,
101
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,273
you'll have Dr. Gottlieb
climbing the walls.
102
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,912
He takes a dim view
of any duck...
103
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,316
that doesn't know a yellow button
from a red one.
104
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,758
Be quiet.
What's the matter?
105
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,519
Good. You're eating
the apple sauce.
106
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,596
You like it?
107
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,553
l knew you were weird,
but that's ridiculous.
108
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,999
You must have got
your share too?
109
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,588
- l'll get you a bicarb of soda.
- Dooley!
110
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,751
- Professor Dooley.
- Dr. Gottlieb.
111
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,677
- What are you doing?
- l'm ready.
112
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,439
You realise how
far back you're putting the schedule?
113
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:07,438
- l'm sorry.
- What's the matter with the chimp?
114
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,713
He's nervous.
115
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,917
- Nervous?
- About the tests.
116
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,670
Well, get on with it.
117
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,876
- No duck!
- What?
118
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,831
- No duck.
- But the schedule calls...
119
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,269
- Revise it.
- Sir, l feel if we test him...
120
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,029
Do you know what the data is on the
learning potential test for that...
121
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,310
- Minus 1 1 .
- lt might be a slow learner.
122
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,431
- Slow?
- Yes, sir.
123
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:36,758
This duck could shed new light on the
rates of learning for various animals.
124
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,758
All right.
But it's his last chance!
125
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,440
Thank you, sir.
126
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:43,913
Last!
127
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,395
l understand.
You hear that?
128
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,193
You gotta shape up...
129
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:54,199
You got apple sauce all over
your face. Come here.
130
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,956
Took him ten seconds last time.
131
00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,997
Let's see if he'll do better.
132
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,153
Excellent.
133
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,636
Well, Mr. Pig, what are you
gonna show us today?
134
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,552
Beautiful!
135
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,719
Superb.
136
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,991
No, Dooley. That duck couldn't
begin to handle these tests.
137
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,714
Over here.
138
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,714
This is the simplest device we've got.
139
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:38,470
The duck had 49 hours of practice on
this one, so it's time we see results.
140
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,355
Okay, duck, go for
the yellow button, the centre.
141
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,638
He's got it.
142
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,310
Get that stupid duck out of here!
143
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,557
Wait a minute. Just one more time.
Just one more time.
144
00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:00,114
For what? He's useless,
completely unresponsive.
145
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,913
All right, fella, once more.
Yellow button, centre.
146
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,516
You don't give up.
147
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,677
- There he goes for the red button again.
- No, he's got it now.
148
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,917
At least he's reacting.
149
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,954
All right, get that misfit out of here.
150
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,633
You have to admit that's
an interesting reaction.
151
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,910
This duck is a fascinating creature.
152
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,913
What have we got here?
Gamma rays on what?
153
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,554
Testing some new
high-resistant silicone oils.
154
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,910
- Phenyl type?
- Yeah.
155
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,918
What is the integrated
threshold neutron flux?
156
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,394
- What do you mean by that?
- What?
157
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,715
Well, you said, ''Quack.''
158
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,831
l didn't say quack.
159
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,352
Holy cow!
160
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,472
Professor.
ls this one of your creatures?
161
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,591
- How did she get in there?
- You tell me.
162
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,517
You almost had fried duck.
163
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,517
Well...
is she okay?
164
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,029
Sure, no harm.
Just got a little jolt.
165
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,550
But would you please keep
your friends out of our department?
166
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,194
Yeah, okay.
167
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,550
Boy, you really
blew it today.
168
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,468
Only thing to do now is find you
a home for retired dropouts.
169
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,352
A duck?
170
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,552
Yeah, that's what it is.
A duck.
171
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,999
But l want a puppy.
l don't want a dumb old duck.
172
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,509
l didn't bring it home for a pet.
173
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,957
Then why'd you bring it?
174
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,674
lt was that or let
the janitor's wife fricassee it.
175
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,679
- lt was a washout at the lab.
- Wouldn't a puppy be as cheap to feed?
176
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:19,311
- We're not gonna keep it.
- He really had his heart set on a puppy.
177
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,908
Katie, now, we've been
through all of that.
178
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,112
l'm just trying to find a home
for this poor, stupid duck.
179
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:29,597
Maybe that farmer would take it, the one
that sells us those vegetables l can't afford.
180
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,995
- You mean Mr. Gilby?
- Yeah, l guess so.
181
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,558
You're mixed up.
182
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:38,195
Mr. Gilby is
the bakery truck man.
183
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:41,437
- Mr. Purdham is the vegetable man.
- Well, Purdham. Okay.
184
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,313
Give it to him.
lt'll have a good home on his farm.
185
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:48,149
- Probably eat better than we do.
- Hey, daddy!
186
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,238
l think he likes me.
Watch how he follows me.
187
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,590
Come on.
188
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,835
How would you like
a real great name?
189
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,518
You like that?
190
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,669
Maybe l can teach him
some tricks.
191
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,030
Him? Good luck.
192
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,595
l was just thinking.
193
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,599
Good for you.
194
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:27,429
Yeah, instead of giving that
duck to Mr. Purdham,
195
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,835
maybe Jimmy could
trade it in on a puppy.
196
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,713
- We settled all that.
- l know.
197
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:36,469
But it wouldn't cost you anything,
and it might help...
198
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,955
Never mind.
l shouldn't even mention it.
199
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,555
- Mention what?
- Oh, nothing.
200
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,557
l'm sure you'll solve it.
201
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,393
What?
202
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:57,036
The generation gap you're creating
between Jimmy over this puppy.
203
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:08,349
Honey, you know Jimmy and l have
a very good, close relationship.
204
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,835
Of course you do, Albert.
205
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,235
That's why l didn't
even mention it.
206
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:19,679
Help!
207
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,950
- He's gonna kill Charlie!
- What?
208
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,119
Get outta here!
209
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,674
- Leave that duck alone.
- Get out of my yard!
210
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,030
- That's our duck.
- Well, get him out of my pool.
211
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,038
Get your hands
off my skimmer!
212
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,435
- Charlie!
- Jimmy, be careful.
213
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,996
l got you now,
you duck-billed intruder!
214
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:48,237
Get your hands
off of my skimmer.
215
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,794
Attaboy, Charlie!
216
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,910
Get that bird off my slide!
217
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,510
- Stop that dog!
- Go, Charlie!
218
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:04,395
Bite him in the tail feathers.
Don't let him get away from you.
219
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,549
Come here, duck.
220
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,910
lf that dog lays a tooth on that duck...
221
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:15,994
Take your skimmer...
222
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,953
- Hooper, let go!
- You're gonna drown him!
223
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,678
Come here, duck!
224
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,757
l'll report you
to the SPClA.
225
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,355
Call your dog!
226
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,757
Get this duck out of the pool.
He's contaminating it.
227
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,398
Get your dirty shoes
out of my pool!
228
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,478
Why, you hit my husband!
229
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,349
Come here, Jimmy.
Take the duck.
230
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,074
Hurry.
Now hold on.
231
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,118
- Climb up the stairs.
- Come on! Albert, hurry.
232
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,310
- Come on!
- Go on!
233
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,000
Hurry before
the dog gets out.
234
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,793
Oh, sic 'em!
235
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,797
Go! Give 'em a good one.
236
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,876
Go get 'em, Duke.
237
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,237
Finley!
238
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,715
What are you doing in there
with your clothes on?
239
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,717
Can't leave you alone
for a minute.
240
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,912
Look, daddy.
Charlie laid an egg!
241
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,959
Why, Charlie,
you're a mama!
242
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,199
Twins!
243
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,310
Four eggs.
lsn't that something?
244
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,989
l don't see how she laid any eggs
with that beast barking at her.
245
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,918
lt was that beast
that caused her to do it.
246
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,793
Now, Albert, they hardly
know each other.
247
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,833
No, l mean...
248
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,270
l know what you mean. Don't
discuss it in front of our S-O-N.
249
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,914
We learned that stuff
in school anyway.
250
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,794
No. lt's a conditioned reflex,
you see?
251
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,354
When the dog barks,
the duck lays an egg.
252
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,038
lt happened once at the lab.
253
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,469
That's not the way my mother
explained it to me.
254
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,672
Anyway,
the important thing is...
255
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,473
the money we're gonna save
growing our eggs.
256
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,798
We're not eating
those eggs.
257
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,515
l mean, this duck,
it's strange.
258
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:50,075
No, it's an aberration,
a biological mutation.
259
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,997
lt is?
260
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,517
That's a chemically
mixed-up duck.
261
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,870
lt's even been
radiated and...
262
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,956
We're not eating those eggs.
263
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,799
Good. Then we'll hatch 'em.
264
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,791
ls that all right?
Hatching them?
265
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,678
No. They probably
wouldn't hatch anyway.
266
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,793
Only thing to do is bury 'em,
which l'll do after Jimmy goes to sleep.
267
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,432
- What the devil are you doing?
- Nothing.
268
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,354
Digging a hole
at midnight
269
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,755
in your pyjamas
270
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,677
is nothing?
271
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,870
You know,
l'm digging.
272
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,197
- For what?
- Night crawlers.
273
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,959
They certainly
lay big eggs.
274
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,357
Go to bed.
275
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,996
You're a nut.
276
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,995
- You wanted to see me?
- Yes, a research problem.
277
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:50,798
Come on.
278
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,598
Sit down.
279
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,157
- Well?
- Dr. Gottlieb, is it possible...
280
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,157
ln science,
anything is possible.
281
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,909
Yes, but could radiation alter
the molecular structure of a...
282
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,873
substance
from organic to inorganic?
283
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,756
So we're a radiobiologist now,
are we, Dooley?
284
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,677
Just a minute.
285
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,637
Yeah.
286
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,071
Try these for starters.
287
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,919
- All l wanted to know...
- The answer is yes.
288
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:35,192
- But what substance?
- Like an egg.
289
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:39,393
- What kind of an egg?
- Doesn't...
290
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,559
Chicken, turkey, duck.
291
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,831
- Please don't mention duck to me.
- Sorry.
292
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,872
Anyway, your experiment
has been done.
293
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,833
1 903.
294
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,872
lt was a young
medical student
295
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,634
at the Royal
Viennese Hospital.
296
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:03,355
His name was
Schultz or Schmaltz.
297
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,596
Here. Schwartz.
298
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,679
''ln searching
for a chemical background
299
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,075
for radiogenic inflammation
from radium,
300
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,637
Gottwald Schwartz exposed an egg
to becquerel rays.''
301
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,469
''Both the organic and inorganic
molecules suffered a change.''
302
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,755
''There was no change in
the white of the egg,
303
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,269
but there was conspicuous
change in the yolk.''
304
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,158
The yolk!
That's it!
305
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,879
l mean, that's...
quite interesting.
306
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:45,036
Didn't... change it
into any kind of
307
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,231
metal, did it?
308
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,797
Metal?
309
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,190
What do you want, Dooley,
gold?
310
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,110
Well, you said anything was possible.
311
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,037
Possible, yes.
312
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,709
But... making a golden egg?
313
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:13,510
That's for Aesop's Fables,
isn't it?
314
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:19,599
But gold has been made
synthetically, hasn't it?
315
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,393
Yes,
with nuclear bombardment,
316
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,512
but we know what that costs,
don't we?
317
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,074
- lt doesn't pay.
- No.
318
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:30,792
Excuse me.
319
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,196
l'll be right there.
320
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,151
Excuse me.
321
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,996
l have to go recheck
the lQ of the chimp.
322
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,632
Hundred and forty.
Higher than mine.
323
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,874
We've run quite a few tests
on that metal of yours.
324
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,956
Darndest thing we ever ran across.
325
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,275
- But is it...
- You won't believe this report.
326
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,311
- Well, it's wild.
- Then it's not...
327
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:28,395
Look here, Dooley. The metal contains
traces of D-galacturonic acid.
328
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,114
Now, isn't that wild?
329
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,356
You know what that is.
That's pectin.
330
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,748
Pectin?
331
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,633
Pectin that's been hydrolysed
under intense heat.
332
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,069
Pectin comes
from apple peelings.
333
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,037
Apple sauce.
334
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,357
No, it's true. And look,
it also has a trace of garlic in it.
335
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,914
l don't wanna hear any more.
As long as it's not gold.
336
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,996
lt's practically pure gold.
337
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:53,595
What?
338
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,154
But it has some of
the weirdest impurities in it.
339
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,157
One element
we can't identify,
340
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:02,114
not related to any of the 1 03
basic known chemical elements.
341
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:06,598
Mr. Dooley, you didn't get hold
of a moon rock, did you?
342
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,109
Moon rock? Me?
No.
343
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,435
l've never even been
out of California.
344
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,388
- Where'd you dig up this gold?
- Dig? l didn't dig.
345
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,717
- A placer deposit?
- Yes, it was deposited, you might say.
346
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,637
- Thank you very much.
- Wait a second.
347
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,309
- You want your report? You paid for it.
- Yes.
348
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,318
The report.
Thank you very much.
349
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,189
So this is an assayer's report.
So what?
350
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,437
That's why l need a lawyer,
to help me incorporate.
351
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,272
lncorporate what?
352
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:42,154
Fred, that sample
is the yolk of a duck egg.
353
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:45,193
Come on.
354
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,073
l know how incredible this must sound
to your legal mind,
355
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,590
but in 1 903
a Viennese scientist...
356
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,473
You ever read Aesop's Fables,
the one about the goose?
357
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,194
Should you be driving
in your condition?
358
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,551
l'm telling you, Fred, that fable
may be scientifically feasible.
359
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:04,229
- Pull over, Albert. l'll drive.
- Okay, sceptic.
360
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:08,148
l'm gonna show you one of those
gold eggs actually being laid.
361
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,277
Watch out!
362
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,513
You crazy,
ding-a-ling driver, Orlo!
363
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,673
l'm not even in the car.
That's Arvin. Bigot!
364
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,788
Now, you just lie there
and relax, Finley.
365
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,957
Forget all about that nasty,
old treasury office.
366
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,548
Thank you, dear.
You're a good person.
367
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,634
Come on, Fred.
368
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,749
l'll get the duck, make Hooper's dog
bark at it, and you'll see.
369
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,110
Would you please
go upstairs and talk to Jimmy?
370
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,391
Not now. l've got news.
Our financial worries are over.
371
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:00,750
Jimmy's broken-hearted
because l was....
372
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:04,270
You're not listening. We're gonna be
rich beyond our wildest dreams.
373
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,550
Oh, l always knew
you'd make good,
374
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,911
even when Papa kept saying,
''Don't marry that no-good, lazy...''
375
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,076
lt's nothing l did.
lt's Charlie.
376
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,236
Remember those eggs
l was gonna bury?
377
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,716
Brace yourself.
They're gold.
378
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,630
Well, don't look that way.
l'm not kidding you.
379
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:30,832
- lt's true.
- Albert, l believe you.
380
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:35,272
- What's the matter?
- l gave the duck to Mr. Purdham.
381
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:37,553
You told me to!
382
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,877
l was sorry l did.
Jimmy's been crying.
383
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:45,513
Where does Purdham live?
384
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,710
- l'm not sure.
- Think!
385
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:50,992
l'm trying.
386
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,832
- Where does Purdham live?
- Try the cookie jar.
387
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,269
- The cookie jar.
- Where l keep my addresses.
388
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,790
Oh! We've gotta find that duck...
389
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,276
before anything
happens to it.
390
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,197
''Chicken chow mein.''
391
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,276
But l...
392
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,311
Purdham!
393
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,398
Oak Road. Come on!
394
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,830
Get in the car, Fred!
395
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,916
Daddy, wait!
396
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,070
Well, look,
l guess l could...
397
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,514
give you five dollars
for it.
398
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:47,474
Well, l... l know l never
turn down a good deal.
399
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,433
You'll find the duck in the pen
back of the barn yonder.
400
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:51,754
Thanks.
401
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:06,831
There's gotta be
a million of 'em!
402
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:23,878
Where are you?
403
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,839
This duck doesn't respond to
normal things, like its name.
404
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,670
- You know what we need?
- A good psychiatrist.
405
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,030
No. We need something
it does respond to.
406
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:44,073
Start barking.
407
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,908
lt's our only chance.
Bark!
408
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,870
Wait a minute.
What am l doing?
409
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:03,596
A sane adult with a law degree crawling
around a barnyard, barking at fowls,
410
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,836
trying to find a duck
who lays solid gold...
411
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,954
Solid gold eggs!
412
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,829
l'll never
see Charlie again.
413
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,599
Come on. We're not gonna
give up till we're licked.
414
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,029
We'll find him.
Charlie?
415
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,191
Where are you goin'?
416
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:39,830
They're gettin' away
from us!
417
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,399
Come on, Fred!
418
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,512
Get out!
Get back there.
419
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,551
Go back, ducks.
420
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,830
- They're in the pond.
- Head 'em off!
421
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:56,155
Back, you ducks!
Get back, ducks.
422
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,033
Get them out of the water.
Shove them back onto the shore.
423
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,230
Here.
What's goin' on?
424
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:04,952
You said only one duck.
425
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:06,911
But something
happened to the gate.
426
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,110
Get these critters
back in the pen.
427
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:10,798
Get back!
428
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,109
l found Charlie!
429
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,474
Hey, wait.
Come back!
430
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,397
Help me.
431
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,273
- l knew l'd find her.
- You sure it's her, son?
432
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,914
l know it is.
lt's Charlie.
433
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,316
There's one way to find out.
Hold her on the ground, Fred.
434
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,190
Maybe only Hooper's dog
can do it.
435
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,158
No reflection on you,
dear.
436
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,078
Why, Albert, you don't sound
like Hooper's dog at all.
437
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,672
He goes more like...
438
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:14,993
l think she's got it.
439
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,839
Pitch.
lt might be a matter of pitch.
440
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,716
What do you think now,
sceptic?
441
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:52,392
Baby... you're lookin'
at a believer.
442
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,520
Figuring its weight
in troy ounces,
443
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,598
at the pegged gold price,
444
00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:01,109
that's over 900 bucks a yolk.
445
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,953
- That's right.
- And if she laid four eggs in...
446
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,719
- How long did you say?
- About ten minutes.
447
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:09,956
That would be
448
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,799
over $20,000 an hour.
449
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,798
And if she worked
a six-hour day,
450
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,115
give or take a couple
of coffee breaks...
451
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,117
corn breaks...
452
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,837
Al, baby,
453
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,349
we're talkin' about
a $1 00,000-a-day business!
454
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:29,075
That's right. lf l can
find the formula to keep her producing.
455
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,873
Oh, you'll do it.
You'll do it.
456
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,629
The big problem is: How do we
legally protect our fortune?
457
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,438
Our fortune?
458
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,472
What do you mean,
our fortune?
459
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,398
Look, Al, sweetheart,
460
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,909
l'm only trying
to save you money.
461
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:49,749
By making me a partner, you'll save
paying me exorbitant lawyer's fees.
462
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,796
l'll have to devote full-time,
463
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,708
incorporating a duck and not have
the lnternal Revenuers on our neck.
464
00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:00,594
- l got your clothes all nice and dry for you.
- Oh, fine.
465
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:04,315
How did you manage
to do this, Katie?
466
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:08,149
- lt was no trouble, really.
- Thanks.
467
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:11,352
Anyway, the thing to do is to sit tight
until l figure things out.
468
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,914
And don't tell anybody
about this, especially...
469
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,839
We don't want that government
stool pigeon snooping around.
470
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,952
The first thing l'm gonna do is get rid
of that junk l'm driving.
471
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:25,594
l saw the most fantastic
yellow sports car.
472
00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:29,110
Hold it! Don't spend
any of that money yet.
473
00:36:29,240 --> 00:36:31,993
- What?
- No changes in your living standards.
474
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,714
- You mean, not pay our bills?
- Bills, fine.
475
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,991
We can't raise suspicions
until we get this legally protected.
476
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:43,030
Let's try and get
some sleep.
477
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,316
Or,
478
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:50,353
do you think we oughta get the duck
and bark out a few more thou?
479
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,711
The duck's asleep with Jimmy,
and l don't want Jimmy disturbed.
480
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,275
Don't forget
to bring my robe back.
481
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:01,439
- That's not part of the deal.
- Okay... partner.
482
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:16,876
Do you think now we can
afford to reshingle our house?
483
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:21,310
Reshingle our house?
484
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,670
We could reshingle
the Pentagon.
485
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,677
We could buy the Pentagon.
486
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,758
Well, what would we do
with it?
487
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:32,156
l'm only trying to give you
an idea of our potential.
488
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,794
We have what other men
have only dreamed of.
489
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,232
lt's kinda scary,
isn't it?
490
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,476
You bet it is.
491
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,031
How rich will we be?
492
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,516
So rich that we could not
possibly spend it all.
493
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,551
- We could try.
- Wait a minute.
494
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,194
- l just want to help all l can.
- That's fine.
495
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,073
Don't get carried away.
We must keep our sense of values.
496
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,714
Aesop's Fable warns us
against avarice.
497
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,274
- Against who?
- Greed, greed.
498
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,312
Fellow in the fable,
he let greed destroy him.
499
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,954
We're gonna play it cool,
keep our feet on the ground.
500
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:10,992
What?
501
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,589
Let's take our cool feet
and go to bed.
502
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:41,436
Cute.
503
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,154
You oughta close the window.
He might catch cold.
504
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,871
Good idea.
505
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:34,630
Now what?
506
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:37,513
Some sense of values.
507
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,631
What do you mean?
508
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,194
Boy, he sure was right.
509
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:46,354
- Who was?
- You know.
510
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:54,194
l do?
511
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,359
Aesop!
512
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:02,955
Jimmy, your lunch.
513
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,434
Be sure and take good care
of Charlie while l'm gone.
514
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,791
Don't worry, l will.
Now, run along.
515
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,514
And don't let Mr. Hooper's dog
get him either.
516
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,399
Jimmy, hurry up.
You're gonna be late for school.
517
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,150
Yes. Who?
518
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,197
The bank.
519
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,678
Bad cheques?
520
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:44,389
Well, you printed them.
521
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:51,992
How could a big bank like you have
insufficient funds and stay in business?
522
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,157
Not us, you.
523
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,919
We've explained that you
cannot write cheques
524
00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,792
for more money
than you have.
525
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:01,797
You can be arrested
for that.
526
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,992
No, please don't do that.
Please don't call Mr. Dooley.
527
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:09,750
l can get the money. But could you
hold on the phone a minute?
528
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,157
Mr. Meaker, l...
529
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,999
l guess you'll just have to
call my husband about that...
530
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,193
Wait.
531
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,548
l'll be right down.
532
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,476
And what is this?
533
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,348
l'm overdrawn, and that's
to un-overdraw me.
534
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:01,112
Yes, you are overdrawn.
535
00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:04,152
But what is this thing?
536
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,111
Thing?
537
00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:10,916
That's gold,
worth over 900 troy ounce dollars.
538
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,032
And that's my
deposit slip for it.
539
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,197
- You recognise that, don't you?
- One moment, please.
540
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,355
- Next.
- This way.
541
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,314
What kind of a bank
is this anyway?
542
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:58,193
Sit down.
543
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:07,829
Mrs. Dooley, we can hardly
take a trinket for a deposit.
544
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,589
Trinket? Haven't you bankers
ever heard of gold?
545
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:16,358
Mrs. Dooley, even if that were
gold bullion, there's nothing l can...
546
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:17,469
Bullion?
547
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:20,273
Processed gold as distinguished
from raw gold.
548
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,989
The only thing we can do with this
is turn it over to the Federal Reserve.
549
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,953
That wouldn't do very much
for your account, would it?
550
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,753
l should say not. l'll just take it
to another bank.
551
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,554
They'll have to do
the same thing.
552
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:36,070
The only possible place you can
take that is to a refinery.
553
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,031
Refinery?
554
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:58,677
Where'd you get the hat?
555
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,677
What hat?
556
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,917
Oh, now, Albert,
it was on sale.
557
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:07,430
lf you wrote a check for that hat,
we're overdrawn again.
558
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:10,677
No, we're not.
l deposited over $900 today.
559
00:44:13,240 --> 00:44:15,993
- Where did you get $900?
- From the refinery.
560
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:21,714
- You haven't been in the eggs?
- No, not those. Charlie laid one for me.
561
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:27,437
Well, why did you take it
to the refinery?
562
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,437
The bank told me to.
563
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,437
The bank?
564
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,870
You took it to the... Well, did you
tell the newspapers too?
565
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,639
Well, no, Albert,
just the bank.
566
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,991
They said if l didn't cover my bad
cheques, l was gonna be arrested.
567
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,918
- Would you rather l got arrested?
- No.
568
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:46,429
Some husband.
He wants his wife in jail.
569
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:50,394
Didn't you hear Fred say not to tell
anybody and not to spend the money?
570
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,715
But what's the use of having it?
571
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,391
Hi, partners.
572
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:57,636
- Don't tell him what l did.
- What did she do?
573
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,194
- Sold an egg to a refinery.
- Good!
574
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:04,154
That's all we can do. We don't
have a licence to handle gold.
575
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,430
- Then get us a license.
- Oh, sure.
576
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,313
Can you see going to the
US Treasury Department and saying,
577
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:13,274
''l'd like a gold licence for my
duckie who lays gold eggs''?
578
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,198
Couldn't Hooper get it?
He works for the US Treasury.
579
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:20,108
He'd confiscate our duck so fast,
it'd singe its feathers off.
580
00:45:20,240 --> 00:45:23,471
- Get all the gold off the premises.
- Why?
581
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:29,272
Federal gold regulations. You could get
ten years for hoarding. Read this.
582
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:33,190
We'll have to think up a good story
to tell the refineries.
583
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:34,674
Why?
584
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:39,032
You try to peddle gold duck eggs,
they'll lock you up in the nut farm.
585
00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,356
Well, l did it,
and they didn't lock me up.
586
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,120
Yes, but you're...
587
00:45:44,240 --> 00:45:48,631
Wait a minute. You didn't tell them
where the gold came from, did you?
588
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,789
Well, he asked me.
589
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,675
Now the whole world
will be after that duck.
590
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:58,078
- What did he say when you told him?
- He just laughed.
591
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,157
Laughed?
592
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,316
He just... laughed?
593
00:46:09,240 --> 00:46:11,310
Do you hear that, Albert?
He just laughed!
594
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,040
Don't you see?
She solved our whole problem.
595
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,833
She can tell them the truth,
they'll never believe it.
596
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,713
They won't lock her up,
no matter how nutty it sounds.
597
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,638
l'm not so sure
l want my wife...
598
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:28,036
- What is that, Fred? A new suit?
- Ah! Listen, sweetheart.
599
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:31,869
- Here's a list of refineries.
- Don't sell too many eggs at one time.
600
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,595
Fred, what have you...
You got a new briefcase too.
601
00:46:35,720 --> 00:46:37,278
lt's nothing, Al baby.
602
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:41,632
Keep moving around refineries,
otherwise it might look suspicious.
603
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:46,038
Got it. Could l buy
some new clothes to wear for this?
604
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,513
We mustn't spend the money.
605
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,759
- Mrs. Dooley?
- Yes.
606
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:08,148
This is exceptionally
high-grade ore.
607
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,033
- Our cashier is making a cheque for you.
- Thank you.
608
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:14,994
These nuggets
are very interesting.
609
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:18,237
- ldentical size and shape.
- Yes, l noticed that.
610
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:20,794
l was curious as
how they got that way.
611
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:24,196
Would you believe
a duck laid them?
612
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,470
A duck laid 'em?
613
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,114
- What kind of duck was that?
- A white one.
614
00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,310
A little white duck.
615
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,512
Mrs. Dooley, listen.
About these nuggets...
616
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,074
l really have to dash.
Bye-bye.
617
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:49,193
- We don't have your address.
- That's all right. l have it.
618
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:08,274
Treasury Department?
This is Carter down at Alco.
619
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:12,279
l got something really odd here.
You might want to check it out.
620
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:55,314
Beauty.
621
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:00,192
What's the price of that car?
622
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:04,279
$ 7,995.
623
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:07,392
- lt's not even a dozen eggs.
- l beg your pardon?
624
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:12,150
Nothing. You wouldn't
happen to have a layaway plan?
625
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:15,590
- Hardly.
- l didn't think so.
626
00:49:15,720 --> 00:49:18,712
Well, l can't buy it now, but,
627
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:21,871
l'll be back.
628
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:43,956
According to
the phone calls...
629
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:48,073
that have been pouring into this
US Treasury Department office,
630
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:50,555
this map represents
certain refineries
631
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,035
that have been
receiving these...
632
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,310
odd gold nuggets.
633
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:57,874
And we don't know
who the gang is,
634
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,549
but, undoubtedly,
it's an underworld operation.
635
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:03,989
Why would they be
spreading those nuggets
636
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:05,917
around all those
various refineries?
637
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,110
You figure it's
Mafia-controlled, Chief?
638
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,833
- Probably something worse.
- Worse?
639
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:18,911
Gentlemen, they may have learned
how to make gold.
640
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:22,231
Well, that's
not very probable.
641
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:26,353
That can only be done by atomic
bombardment, and the cost is prohibitive.
642
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:28,391
l know that, Hooper.
643
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,034
The point l'm trying to make
is they've found a way
644
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:34,232
to make gold cheap enough
to put on the market.
645
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:37,557
Our top chemists can't even
identify some of the elements,
646
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:42,959
and there are traces of such bizarre
impurities as... apple pectin.
647
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:46,516
Apples in gold?
648
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:48,673
Don't laugh.
649
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:52,952
Remember what happened to good old,
ordinary bread mould, don't you?
650
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:54,479
Penicillin.
651
00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:58,478
But Mr. Morgan here
of the Federal Reserve Bank...
652
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,433
has something further
to say to us on the subject.
653
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:04,118
Gentlemen, this...
654
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:09,479
this thing
just cannot happen.
655
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:13,559
l mean, money,
money is the greatest...
656
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:16,592
What we've got to do is to...
We have got to ferret out...
657
00:51:16,720 --> 00:51:19,154
and stop this
nefarious gang of...
658
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:23,068
Well, l, l hesitate
to think...
659
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:26,590
what would happen if this
were to get out of this room!
660
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:29,958
Excuse me.
661
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:32,435
Rutledge here.
662
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:37,037
Yes, he is. Just a second.
Morg, for you.
663
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:39,435
President of the New York
Stock Exchange.
664
00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:42,472
He says urgent.
Take it on one.
665
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:51,436
What rumour?
666
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,396
Synthetic gold?
667
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:00,589
Where'd you...
Where'd you hear that?
668
00:52:00,720 --> 00:52:02,438
Your barber?
669
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,196
No, absolutely nothing
to that.
670
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:11,199
Nothing to it at all.
Well, we have had a little flap
671
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:15,199
about gold around here, but,
everything is absolutely under control.
672
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:19,108
So you tell the
Wall Street to relax.
673
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:29,108
Good heavens.
How would his barber...
674
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:35,834
Rutledge here.
You again.
675
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:38,076
Take it on two.
676
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:42,393
Yes, this is he.
677
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:45,711
The state department?
678
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:52,668
Hello, Rodge.
679
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:56,429
Oh, no, Rodge.
That's just a rumour.
680
00:52:56,560 --> 00:53:00,633
Rumour or not, Ed, this could play hard
with our foreign monetary agreements.
681
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:05,519
Believe me, Rodge,
we are on top of this thing.
682
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:08,473
No, sirree,
not a single foreign country...
683
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,591
will hear anything
about it.
684
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:16,228
Get me
the US ambassador.
685
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:19,557
How dare they meddle with their gold.
lt's all ours.
686
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,397
America is producing instant gold.
687
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,317
lt is a plot.
688
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:29,274
lf those bloody Americans are fabricating
the stuff, we're done in.
689
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:31,516
Please get formula.
690
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:35,792
lf Americans make it for ten dollar
an ounce, we make it 8.95.
691
00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:41,790
The White House?
692
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:54,555
Yes, sir. l fully realise that
you have enough trouble without this.
693
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:56,750
Yes, sir.
l understand, sir.
694
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,235
Quite... Yes, sir.
695
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:05,876
Gentlemen, l think
your duty is quite clear.
696
00:54:09,240 --> 00:54:11,913
lt's in your hands.
697
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:19,236
What leads do you have
on this gang?
698
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:23,517
Leads.
699
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:29,030
So far the only lead we have
is the name of the bag man.
700
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:30,991
Bag woman.
701
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:33,555
Known under
various aliases,
702
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,148
such as K.W. Dooley,
703
00:54:39,240 --> 00:54:41,708
''Katie Klaus'' Dooley,
704
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:44,434
Mrs. Albert Dooley,
705
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:46,835
Frances
Abigail Dooley.
706
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:51,795
What was after Albert Dooley?
Why, that's my neighbour.
707
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:54,832
- Your neighbour?
- Well, it's not my fault.
708
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,315
l was there first.
They moved in, and l...
709
00:54:57,440 --> 00:55:01,956
and Albert Dooley. l knew there was
something about that professor.
710
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:17,353
Really, now. A man of your age.
711
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:22,909
l was doing
undercover work.
712
00:55:23,240 --> 00:55:25,629
Yes, l can see that.
713
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:43,117
Hi, neighbour!
714
00:55:43,240 --> 00:55:45,151
How's it going there,
friend?
715
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:47,871
Fine.
716
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:56,197
Having a little vacation.
717
00:55:56,320 --> 00:56:00,279
l thought l'd spend it...
fixing up the house.
718
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:01,913
Have fun.
719
00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:13,273
Hooper suspects something.
Did you tell him anything?
720
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:15,038
You forgot to kiss me.
721
00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:18,198
- Answer me. Did you?
- l haven't even talked to him.
722
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:22,478
- Well, how about Jimmy?
- l talked to him. He's our son, remember?
723
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:25,239
- l know that.
- Why are you suspicious of Hooper?
724
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:27,430
He's being friendly.
That's proof enough!
725
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:45,749
- How about that car?
- How about that? Beauty, isn't she?
726
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:48,633
What happened
no change in living standards?
727
00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:50,990
Not only will my new idea
save us a bundle...
728
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:53,475
- That's the car l had my eye on.
- Good taste.
729
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:56,797
And old Freddy boy is gonna see
you get a stable full of 'em.
730
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:01,516
Why can't we have a car like that?
731
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:06,515
ls that all you can think about,
material possessions?
732
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:10,076
Here l am, slaving my head
to the bone while you... Albert!
733
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,634
How about that
for a company name?
734
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:15,832
- Dooley's Wrought lron Sauna Baths?
- Yeah.
735
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:18,235
- What does that have to do with gold?
- Nothing.
736
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:21,358
lt's a sure loser,
a great tax write-off.
737
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:23,988
l can tell you we got
bigger problems than that.
738
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,918
- You mean some new ones?
- Hooper's suspicious.
739
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,474
- Hooper?
- Yeah. He spoke to me.
740
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:33,479
Besides Hooper, l cannot identify
the radioactive element in our gold.
741
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,068
lf l can't do that,
l don't know what its half-life is.
742
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:39,988
- And if l don't know what its half-life is...
- What is this half-life?
743
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:42,918
The rate of disintegration
of a radioactive substance.
744
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:45,668
ln other words,
it could run out.
745
00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:48,315
Run out?
746
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,193
You mean our duck
could stop laying gold eggs?
747
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:53,072
Exactly.
748
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,752
You mean that duck
could be washed up right now?
749
00:57:56,880 --> 00:58:00,031
- lt's possible.
- Well, get it, Al.
750
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,037
Get it and check!
751
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:05,798
Bring the duck!
752
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:08,673
You don't have to shout.
l have 20-20 hearing.
753
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:11,394
- Where's Charlie?
- Out.
754
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:12,794
What do you mean?
755
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,718
Jimmy took him for a ride
with the Wadlow boys.
756
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:18,115
The Wadlow boys?
Not that!
757
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:22,199
The way those maniacs drive,
there goes our Charlie! Come on.
758
00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:25,357
You guys said you'd take
me and Charlie for a ride.
759
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,277
Take it easy.
We will.
760
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:30,358
Can't you just put
the battery...
761
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,552
Go help him.
762
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:39,071
lf you're gonna hang around here,
you gotta shape up, okay?
763
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:48,797
Get that duck off there!
He'll fry!
764
00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:58,430
Hey, Arvin, look.
He likes it.
765
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:03,593
Man, he's outta sight.
766
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:11,112
Wanna sell him?
We'll give you two bucks for him.
767
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:14,676
No, sir.
He's my friend.
768
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:16,836
l got an idea.
769
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:55,713
- What do you think you're doing?
- Don't do that, daddy!
770
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:58,274
- We're havin' fun!
- The fun's over, son.
771
00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:00,789
But they're going to take
me and Charlie for a ride.
772
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:05,675
Oh, no! No, no, no, they're not taking
this duck in that deathtrap.
773
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:08,553
Hold on, Mr. Dooley. Doesn't
that duck belong to Jimmy?
774
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:11,240
Yeah! You're violating
his civil rights!
775
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:14,875
lt's not a civil rights case.
lt's... property rights.
776
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,956
Hitlers!
777
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:24,831
Albert, Jimmy's upstairs crying.
What did you do to him?
778
01:00:24,960 --> 01:00:28,111
l didn't do anything to him.
l was just protecting the duck.
779
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:30,754
We can't take any more
chances like that.
780
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:33,553
We have to take it away
from Jimmy altogether.
781
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,353
You can't do that.
Jimmy loves that duck.
782
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:38,755
lt's his pal,
now you've turned against him.
783
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:40,677
What do you mean?
784
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:43,997
This is academic if Charlie can't
produce any more. Come on.
785
01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:38,870
Serves you right.
Masher!
786
01:01:50,800 --> 01:01:55,794
Getting big, aren't ya? Come here.
l got something to show you.
787
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:57,831
l'm not supposed to go
into your yard.
788
01:01:57,960 --> 01:02:01,839
That's all right. l've got a present
for you. Come on.
789
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:06,351
That's for me?
790
01:02:06,480 --> 01:02:10,155
lf you want it. My little
nephew outgrew it.
791
01:02:15,920 --> 01:02:18,673
Say, this is a nice duck
you've got here.
792
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:21,678
l'll bet she lays
a lot of nice eggs.
793
01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:23,631
Yeah, lots of them.
794
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:28,038
You know something?
l've never seen a real duck egg.
795
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:31,550
Do you suppose l could get her
to lay one for me?
796
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:35,195
l don't know. My dad can.
He barks at her.
797
01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:38,630
He does? He ba... At the...
Barks at the...
798
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:42,958
Why don't l try that? Come here
and hold her and l'll try it.
799
01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:44,911
Here we go.
800
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:53,315
Anything happen
back there? No.
801
01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:06,717
- Come home now, Jimmy.
- But look at the bike Mr. Hooper...
802
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:09,593
Right now, Jimmy.
And bring Charlie. Hurry.
803
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:15,476
And you, Mr. Hooper,
804
01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:17,397
stealing
your neighbour's eggs.
805
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:20,080
Aren't you ashamed?
806
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:28,074
That's right. Albert, he knows!
807
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,714
Well, no, he didn't get
the egg, but...
808
01:03:30,840 --> 01:03:35,197
l can't keep the duck locked up
all the time. lt's only human, you know.
809
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,309
Yes. All right.
810
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:43,510
Crisis, Fred.
Hooper's hip.
811
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:46,871
l'll meet you at the house as quick
as l can sneak away from here.
812
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:58,118
What he has is,
this little duck.
813
01:03:59,840 --> 01:04:03,310
- Did you say ''duck''?
- Yes. Duck.
814
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:06,510
l got it.
815
01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:10,918
Evidently some kind of a new
gangland code word.
816
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:14,919
Oh, no, just plain duck.
You know, quack, quack.
817
01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:17,554
And this duck
lays gold eggs.
818
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:20,558
lt's true. l mean,
l saw it happen.
819
01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:22,716
They bark at it.
820
01:04:24,760 --> 01:04:27,513
- Bark at it?
- Yeah, like a dog.
821
01:04:28,200 --> 01:04:32,830
They bark just like... And that causes
the duck to lay these gold eggs.
822
01:04:41,240 --> 01:04:44,357
- Why, l did it myself.
- You?
823
01:04:45,320 --> 01:04:47,356
You laid a gold egg,
Hooper?
824
01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:50,950
Oh, yeah. lt wasn't easy, but...
No! l didn't...
825
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:54,117
l barked at it.
The duck, it laid the gold egg.
826
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:00,154
Certainly very interesting,
Hooper.
827
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:06,869
Look, why don't you
stop by my office sometime tomorrow...
828
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:10,788
and you and me
have a little chat?
829
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:13,354
But, Chief, wait a minute.
l know it sounds...
830
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:16,233
You confiscate the duck,
and l'll prove it.
831
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:23,554
How long you been
with the department now?
832
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:26,911
- lt was after Prohibition.
- Chief.
833
01:05:27,040 --> 01:05:31,272
There may be something to this. l checked
with a Dr. Gottlieb at the university lab,
834
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:34,710
and he said something about Dooley
trying to make gold out of eggs.
835
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:37,593
l thought he was putting me on.
But now...
836
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:40,553
Aren't those nuggets all about
the same size as an egg yolk?
837
01:05:40,680 --> 01:05:42,796
So... Stop that!
838
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:45,673
lt's all some
fairy-tale talk...
839
01:05:45,800 --> 01:05:47,518
Sure, but look at the facts.
840
01:05:53,120 --> 01:05:56,795
Yes, Mr. Morgan. No, we haven't
struck yet, but it's a duck.
841
01:05:56,920 --> 01:05:59,957
- Lays gold eggs. Duck.
- Let me have that.
842
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:03,559
Hi, Morg.
Rutledge here.
843
01:06:04,480 --> 01:06:06,436
Thank you. Same to you.
844
01:06:06,560 --> 01:06:10,917
Yes, there does seem to be
a certain degree of duck involvement.
845
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:13,190
We don't know just ex...
846
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:15,914
Oh, no, duck.
D-U... Yeah.
847
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:18,315
Oh, not a word.
Not a word's gotten out.
848
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:20,510
A duck?
849
01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:25,030
Try to trade them for it.
Offer them all their gold.
850
01:06:25,160 --> 01:06:28,835
Sell all our mines and buy up every
duck from here to Cape Town.
851
01:06:28,960 --> 01:06:31,599
Get the blueprint
of a US duck.
852
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:35,076
Make same thing.
Plastic, half-price.
853
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:41,516
Just let me
say this about that.
854
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:44,071
Get that duck.
Do you understand?
855
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:53,476
All right, men.
We're moving in.
856
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:55,394
Here's the strategy.
857
01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:08,314
- Where's Charlie?
- Upstairs with Jimmy.
858
01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:10,396
Good.
Where's the egg?
859
01:07:10,520 --> 01:07:12,875
That's what we want. We got
to get rid of the duck.
860
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:16,151
You got any more of these?
We gotta get rid of 'em.
861
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:17,599
Albert.
What are you doing?
862
01:07:17,720 --> 01:07:19,676
- l handle the eggs.
- l'm trying to help.
863
01:07:19,800 --> 01:07:22,234
l know and l'm telling you
l'm the egg man!
864
01:07:25,160 --> 01:07:28,277
- Finley, where are you going?
- Not now, Eunice, please.
865
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:31,119
- Let go of my egg.
- lt's my egg, too, Albert.
866
01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:34,437
This is enough! Albert, go upstairs
and get the duck.
867
01:07:34,560 --> 01:07:40,157
Now, wait just a minute, Katie.
l will decide what l am going to do!
868
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:45,230
l'm going upstairs
and get the duck.
869
01:07:58,080 --> 01:07:59,832
Hello there, neighbour.
870
01:07:59,960 --> 01:08:03,430
l thought you'd like to meet my
colleagues at the treasury department.
871
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:06,028
- This is Mr. Rutledge, Smith...
- lt's a pleasure.
872
01:08:06,160 --> 01:08:08,469
l hope you can come back
when l'm not so busy.
873
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:14,436
Being treasury men doesn't mean you can
barge in without a search warrant.
874
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:15,788
Right here.
875
01:08:15,920 --> 01:08:17,797
There you are.
876
01:08:18,520 --> 01:08:22,149
Dooley, Mr. Rutledge
wants to see your duck.
877
01:08:22,560 --> 01:08:24,118
What duck?
878
01:08:24,240 --> 01:08:27,437
- Come on now.
- You mean my little boy's pet?
879
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:30,154
Mr. Dooley,
we have an eyewitness...
880
01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:32,953
who will attest to the fact
that you have a duck
881
01:08:33,080 --> 01:08:35,355
that lays... gold eggs.
882
01:08:35,480 --> 01:08:37,436
Gold eggs?
883
01:08:37,560 --> 01:08:39,755
Why'd you do a dumb thing
like that for?
884
01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:41,950
$41 ,000 worth
of eggs,
885
01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:44,958
and not one cent of income tax
has been declared.
886
01:08:45,080 --> 01:08:47,435
This duck of yours could be
887
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:50,472
the most single valuable asset
in the United States today.
888
01:08:50,600 --> 01:08:53,194
That duck is
a natural resource.
889
01:08:53,320 --> 01:08:55,231
Like Hoover Dam.
890
01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:58,318
That duck is entitled to the protection
of the US Government.
891
01:08:58,440 --> 01:09:01,318
You have no proof that
my client's duck lays gold eggs.
892
01:09:01,440 --> 01:09:05,797
l understand that the duck
will produce on command.
893
01:09:05,920 --> 01:09:09,196
That's right. l've done it myself.
You bark at it.
894
01:09:09,320 --> 01:09:11,231
l'll get the duck.
895
01:09:11,360 --> 01:09:13,555
Now, wait a minute.
You have your rights.
896
01:09:13,680 --> 01:09:17,593
- l'd like to confer with my client.
- You got 30 seconds.
897
01:09:24,640 --> 01:09:25,993
Are you outta your mind?
898
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:28,953
l'll bark in the wrong pitch,
and she won't produce.
899
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:30,911
- She won't cross us up?
- No way.
900
01:09:34,440 --> 01:09:36,874
- l'll get the duck.
- l think l'd better.
901
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:39,878
He might not give it to you.
He's not crazy about you.
902
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:42,468
- Beckert, don't let her out of your sight.
- No.
903
01:09:42,600 --> 01:09:45,319
l am not going upstairs
with some strange man.
904
01:09:45,440 --> 01:09:47,556
lt's okay.
905
01:10:00,120 --> 01:10:02,588
- He's gone.
- The duck?
906
01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:05,188
- Jimmy.
- Went out the window with the duck.
907
01:10:05,320 --> 01:10:07,117
- They're both gone?
- You tricked us.
908
01:10:07,240 --> 01:10:09,435
- Shut up!
- Don't just everybody stand there.
909
01:10:09,560 --> 01:10:11,994
- Go out and find him.
- l'll handle this.
910
01:10:12,120 --> 01:10:13,997
Beckert, Smith,
Forbes, outside.
911
01:10:14,120 --> 01:10:16,998
Deploy, cover the area.
Hooper, stick with me.
912
01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:19,270
Katie's right.
We have to find that duck.
913
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:21,630
Not the duck, Fred,
my son!
914
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:25,514
Mrs. Hooper. Did you see
the Dooley kid come out of his house?
915
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:27,756
- With a duck?
- l sure did.
916
01:10:27,880 --> 01:10:30,633
He got a bicycle out of
our garage and took off.
917
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:33,354
- Which way did he go?
- That way.
918
01:10:33,480 --> 01:10:36,233
Hey, Forbes!
Come on! Let's go!
919
01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:38,954
Eunice, why don't you
watch what you're doing?
920
01:10:41,040 --> 01:10:44,237
Poor Jimmy. lf we'd never gotten
that darn duck.
921
01:10:44,360 --> 01:10:47,272
Honey, we'll find him.
922
01:11:12,720 --> 01:11:15,837
There's the bike.
Come on.
923
01:11:21,120 --> 01:11:22,792
Turn around and let's go!
924
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:53,752
There, Chief.
925
01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:08,316
Search that truck.
926
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:11,636
Get up.
927
01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:13,716
Not in there.
928
01:12:16,480 --> 01:12:18,994
- What are you bums doin' in my truck?
- Sorry, sir.
929
01:12:19,120 --> 01:12:22,078
This is US official United States
Government business.
930
01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:24,270
We know you got
a duck here somewhere.
931
01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:26,038
Duck?
932
01:12:26,280 --> 01:12:29,989
l know.
This is Candid Camera, right?
933
01:12:31,960 --> 01:12:33,552
Where is it?
934
01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:42,510
Hooper, check that garbage can.
935
01:12:49,160 --> 01:12:51,037
Okay, Mac. Move.
936
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:01,919
Let's check the rest of the alley.
There's no sign of him here.
937
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:08,229
- There they are. Follow them!
- Wait for us!
938
01:13:14,560 --> 01:13:16,391
Come on, boy.
939
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:41,875
What are you doing?
940
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:44,275
Stop it!
Come here!
941
01:13:49,080 --> 01:13:51,389
The guy in the truck
swerved to miss the duck.
942
01:13:51,520 --> 01:13:53,078
lt's Jimmy.
943
01:13:53,200 --> 01:13:54,838
What could l do?
944
01:13:54,960 --> 01:13:57,554
What are you,
some kind of a nut?
945
01:13:57,680 --> 01:13:59,910
- Come on. Come on.
- Don't let 'em get Charlie.
946
01:14:00,040 --> 01:14:02,713
- Who's after him?
- Everybody, even the government.
947
01:14:02,840 --> 01:14:04,876
The government?
Come on, Arvin. Hurry.
948
01:14:05,000 --> 01:14:08,629
- All right. Cool it.
- Come on, Charlie. You're mine.
949
01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:13,592
There they are!
The Wadlows have 'em.
950
01:14:16,160 --> 01:14:20,517
Never mind that! Get up here.
Move that car outta the way!
951
01:14:23,680 --> 01:14:25,750
l said, move it!
952
01:14:40,360 --> 01:14:41,839
Watch out!
953
01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:57,468
Wait. They're always ready.
We need 'em.
954
01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:02,072
- Get in.
- Should we leave a note for somebody?
955
01:15:26,040 --> 01:15:28,634
Albert! Jump on!
956
01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:50,995
Stop this thing.
He's gonna be killed up there.
957
01:15:51,120 --> 01:15:54,635
- Try and lower him.
- How do you work this crazy thing?
958
01:16:03,640 --> 01:16:07,428
Hey, Fred!
Turn right at the next corner!
959
01:16:19,480 --> 01:16:20,833
Hey, Fred, watch it!
960
01:16:22,040 --> 01:16:23,712
That was a red light.
961
01:16:25,720 --> 01:16:27,995
Look what they're
chasing us with.
962
01:16:30,400 --> 01:16:33,472
l sure gotta hand it to
your old man, Jimmy. He's somethin' else.
963
01:16:38,440 --> 01:16:41,034
For crying out loud,
Fred, take it easy!
964
01:16:41,160 --> 01:16:42,912
Hang on, Albert!
965
01:16:52,160 --> 01:16:54,913
Fred, what are you
trying to do, kill me?
966
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:16,389
You're gonna
''decaptivate'' him!
967
01:17:19,520 --> 01:17:22,478
- What are you trying to pull now?
- What do you think?
968
01:17:22,600 --> 01:17:24,511
l'm waiting
for a streetcar!
969
01:17:26,080 --> 01:17:27,718
Go, Forbes.
After 'em.
970
01:17:40,920 --> 01:17:42,273
Here we go.
971
01:17:55,680 --> 01:17:58,433
Get around that fool truck,
and we got 'em.
972
01:18:02,600 --> 01:18:04,352
Come on. Pass 'em.
973
01:18:22,360 --> 01:18:24,510
Your dad's cool, but he is a show-off.
974
01:19:03,640 --> 01:19:06,712
Hold it!
You gotta have a ticket!
975
01:19:13,320 --> 01:19:17,950
Swing on back to that garage, Forbes.
We got 'em now.
976
01:19:27,600 --> 01:19:29,989
You can't make a U-turn here, stupid!
977
01:19:33,160 --> 01:19:36,550
Thank you.
Move along, folks. Break it up.
978
01:19:36,680 --> 01:19:39,148
lt's official United States
Government business.
979
01:19:39,280 --> 01:19:41,396
No wonder you got
everything loused up!
980
01:19:49,120 --> 01:19:52,157
Fred, the boys are
in the parking garage.
981
01:20:03,040 --> 01:20:05,156
You can't bring this thing in here.
982
01:20:05,280 --> 01:20:07,635
- My son is in here.
- l don't care who's in here.
983
01:20:07,760 --> 01:20:09,557
Get this outta here!
984
01:20:09,680 --> 01:20:12,592
Will you please take my money?
l'm in a hurry.
985
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:15,314
- This mother's child...
- Will you get this thing out!
986
01:20:27,160 --> 01:20:28,912
Over there.
987
01:20:32,120 --> 01:20:33,758
Come on.
988
01:20:34,440 --> 01:20:36,476
Run! Move it!
989
01:20:40,720 --> 01:20:42,915
Over you go.
990
01:21:00,120 --> 01:21:02,509
A ladder.
991
01:21:15,600 --> 01:21:17,397
Over you go.
992
01:21:18,160 --> 01:21:20,515
- Where are you?
- Be brave, pal.
993
01:21:20,640 --> 01:21:22,119
Attaboy.
994
01:21:29,120 --> 01:21:33,159
Easy does it, boy.
There you go.
995
01:21:45,120 --> 01:21:46,473
Help!
996
01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:51,756
Hang on, we'll get ya.
997
01:21:51,880 --> 01:21:54,792
We'll find something...
998
01:21:56,600 --> 01:21:58,556
Don't move.
999
01:22:10,560 --> 01:22:12,596
Go away, daddy!
1000
01:22:13,200 --> 01:22:16,795
- Give me your hand.
- You just want Charlie.
1001
01:22:17,440 --> 01:22:19,032
Put your hand in mine.
1002
01:22:19,160 --> 01:22:21,310
Go away, daddy.
1003
01:22:23,600 --> 01:22:24,919
Help!
1004
01:22:50,040 --> 01:22:52,349
My son.
1005
01:23:04,320 --> 01:23:07,198
Daddy, don't let 'em
take Charlie.
1006
01:23:09,720 --> 01:23:12,632
Sorry, son. There's nothing
l can do about that now.
1007
01:23:17,200 --> 01:23:18,997
l'm sorry, sonny.
1008
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:23,113
We got to put Charlie under protective
custody for his own good.
1009
01:23:23,240 --> 01:23:26,755
Jimmy, let's go home.
l'll explain it all to you later.
1010
01:23:28,360 --> 01:23:30,237
- So long, gentlemen.
- No.
1011
01:23:30,360 --> 01:23:33,989
You're not going home. You're
coming with us. You're under arrest.
1012
01:23:34,120 --> 01:23:35,348
Arrest?
1013
01:23:35,560 --> 01:23:38,552
Suspicion of violation
of federal gold regulations.
1014
01:23:38,680 --> 01:23:41,956
- He didn't mean to.
- Ah, sorry. Come on, Dooley.
1015
01:23:45,960 --> 01:23:47,871
At least you're lucky,
old boy.
1016
01:23:48,720 --> 01:23:50,312
Lucky?
1017
01:23:50,840 --> 01:23:54,674
My son disowned me. l've lost a fortune.
And l've just been arrested.
1018
01:23:54,800 --> 01:23:58,588
But you've got a darned good lawyer
to handle your case.
1019
01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:38,276
What's that duck really worth?
1020
01:24:38,400 --> 01:24:40,277
Sorry, gentlemen!
1021
01:24:40,400 --> 01:24:42,231
You can't get
in the trial.
1022
01:24:42,360 --> 01:24:44,920
We handle riot cases, rapes and spies,
but a rich duck?
1023
01:24:51,320 --> 01:24:55,950
Mr. Hooper, did you actually
witness the duck lay a golden egg?
1024
01:24:56,080 --> 01:24:57,229
Yes, sir.
1025
01:24:57,360 --> 01:25:01,114
- Did you make it perform this feat?
- l did, indeed.
1026
01:25:01,240 --> 01:25:05,597
- Would you demonstrate it for us, sir?
- l'd be happy to.
1027
01:25:25,640 --> 01:25:27,631
lt's the wrong pitch,
isn't it?
1028
01:25:45,680 --> 01:25:48,752
- Your Honour, he's not doing it right.
- Albert, sit down.
1029
01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:51,997
l'd like to get this out in the open.
lf that duck can lay gold eggs,
1030
01:25:52,120 --> 01:25:54,076
then we should
establish that.
1031
01:25:54,200 --> 01:25:56,714
lf we've done wrong,
l accept the consequences.
1032
01:25:56,840 --> 01:26:00,913
- You're outta your mind.
- lf we lose the duck, so be it.
1033
01:26:01,040 --> 01:26:05,079
lt's just that now l know
that there are things...
1034
01:26:05,200 --> 01:26:07,509
a darn sight
more valuable to me.
1035
01:26:13,600 --> 01:26:15,431
Excuse me.
1036
01:26:18,680 --> 01:26:20,636
One more time.
1037
01:26:26,800 --> 01:26:28,995
There's the evidence.
1038
01:26:29,120 --> 01:26:33,477
Break that open and look inside of that.
You're gonna get it now.
1039
01:26:47,760 --> 01:26:51,389
lt's run out.
Finished.
1040
01:26:53,640 --> 01:26:56,108
Case dismissed. Lack of evidence.
1041
01:26:56,240 --> 01:26:59,949
But, Your Honour, the defendant
has $40,000 in various banks.
1042
01:27:00,080 --> 01:27:01,957
Well, good for him.
1043
01:27:02,120 --> 01:27:05,192
Since when are we against the
accumulation of a few dollars
1044
01:27:05,320 --> 01:27:07,629
as a result
of individual initiative?
1045
01:27:07,760 --> 01:27:10,638
This country was built
on enterprise and ingenuity.
1046
01:27:10,760 --> 01:27:12,955
Let's don't lose that.
1047
01:27:13,080 --> 01:27:16,231
Only bad thing is the professor won't
be able to keep the money
1048
01:27:16,360 --> 01:27:19,875
after he pays
his income tax on it.
1049
01:27:22,000 --> 01:27:24,116
You know,
for a worthless creature,
1050
01:27:24,240 --> 01:27:27,949
you sure have caused
a lot of trouble.
1051
01:27:28,080 --> 01:27:30,469
- Here you are.
- Thank you, Your Honour.
1052
01:27:30,600 --> 01:27:33,114
You're wrong about
this duck being worthless.
1053
01:27:33,240 --> 01:27:35,310
lt has great value.
1054
01:27:35,440 --> 01:27:38,910
lt was just that l was confused
about what that value was.
1055
01:27:53,640 --> 01:27:54,914
Really?
1056
01:27:56,520 --> 01:28:00,035
- Forever?
- Really forever, pal.
1057
01:28:00,760 --> 01:28:03,672
One word of caution, son.
1058
01:28:03,800 --> 01:28:07,270
lf it ever lays
another gold egg,
1059
01:28:07,400 --> 01:28:09,595
bury it... quick.
81091
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