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1
00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:03,741
Gather around, people.
2
00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:05,700
Welcome to Brooklyn Hood's
Legends Tour.
3
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,484
I'm your guide, Tray Barker.
4
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:09,747
I was born and raised
on these Brooklyn streets,
5
00:00:09,748 --> 00:00:12,185
and I'm gonna transport you
back into a time
6
00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:15,318
before boba tea
and double-foam lattes.
7
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,712
This spot right here,
the police arrested
8
00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:22,978
the most infamous stickup kid
in Brooklyn... Mezzo Mike.
9
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,893
He was the ladies' choice.
10
00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:27,330
A stickup kid
with a golden voice.
11
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:30,899
♪ Everybody, get on
the motherfuckin' ground ♪
12
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:34,076
♪ I'm so sorry
I have to do this ♪
13
00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,904
♪ Run me yo' shit, nigga
14
00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:37,514
♪ Run me yo' shit
15
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:40,343
♪ Bitch, you know what it is
16
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:43,912
♪ Run me yo' shit, nigga,
run me yo' shit ♪
17
00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:47,655
♪ Bitch, you know what it is
18
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:50,484
Who I got to rob around here to
get a half-pound of roast beef?
19
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:53,487
Tray: Legend has it
Mike could sing your pockets dry
20
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:55,880
and your girl's panties wet.
21
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:59,145
Sometimes at the same time.
22
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,885
♪ Ooh,
I want your wallet ♪
23
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:05,281
♪ I want your jewels
and the keys to your car ♪
24
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,936
♪ And don't you try
to run from me ♪
25
00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:11,549
♪ 'Cause you won't
get very fa-a-a-a-r ♪
26
00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:20,166
Police finally caught up
to him when, during a getaway,
27
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,343
Mike couldn't resist
one last shoobie-doobie-doo.
28
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:26,259
Mike:
♪ They're never gonna find me
29
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:29,262
♪ They're never gonna find me
30
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:33,222
♪ No, they're never
gonna find me ♪
31
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:36,095
♪ These motherfuckas found me
32
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,053
Tray:
Even at his trial,
33
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:40,969
he tried to serenade his way
out of a conviction.
34
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:45,234
♪ Your Honor,
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
35
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:49,020
♪ And to the victims,
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
36
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:54,548
♪ And to my family,
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
37
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:58,204
Are you done?
38
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,119
How does the jury
find the defendant?
39
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,209
We find the defendant...
40
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,473
♪ Ooh ♪ Guilty as charged
41
00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,301
What?
42
00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:12,871
♪ You gonna go to jail
for 15 years ♪
43
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:17,005
Tray: Mike didn't let
incarceration end his dream.
44
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,833
For his latest
prison performance,
45
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,836
"Scam-ilton,"
he received a Tony.
46
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:24,969
Hi.
I'm Tony.
47
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,885
Oh, shit.
48
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:32,847
♪ My friends on
the team broke like me, too ♪
49
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:35,545
♪ So you might get stumped,
that's crazy glue ♪
50
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,808
♪ They want bass
when they come through ♪
51
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,245
Makin' me so sad, girl.
52
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,203
♪ 'Cause it takes two ♪
53
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,987
Oh.
54
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,380
Perfect.
55
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:46,817
Hi!
Sorry, hi.
56
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,210
I'm sorry to bring
the whole crew over.
57
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,994
Uh, this one has a tendency
to run off.
58
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,258
Hey, I'm... I'm Paul
from across the hall.
59
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,042
Hey, Paul from across the hall.
60
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,913
I'm Tray from around the way.
61
00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:58,829
Nostrand and Halsey, right up
the block from the A Train.
62
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:00,135
You do know you have a baby
63
00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:02,050
sticking out
of your body, right?
64
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,008
You look like a marsupial.
65
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,358
I learned that word
in a law library.
66
00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:07,273
Oh, yeah,
this is my... my son, Ace.
67
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,883
We're doing
attachment parenting.
68
00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,145
Oh, that is cool.
69
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:11,929
Hey, princess! My name is Max.
70
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:15,106
Oh, Maxine?
No. Max.
71
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:17,326
My wife and I don't believe in
traditional gender roles.
72
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,589
Uh, that's part of the
reason why she's off
pursuing her passion.
73
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:22,201
Right.
She's the C.E.O.
of a Fortune 500 company.
74
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,072
Good for her.
I think that's great.
75
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:26,292
And then I'm tasked with raising
the next generation
76
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,163
of empathetic men
and empowered women.
77
00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,730
We're a partnership.
78
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,688
Oh, I know that's right.
79
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:34,735
So you're the white Stedman.
80
00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:36,258
Wow, that's...
81
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,478
He's a...
Oh, that means a lot to me.
82
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,306
He's... He's a personal hero
of mine.
83
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:41,611
Um... Oh, I'm so sorry.
84
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,439
This my wife calling.
85
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,788
Uh, go for Paul.
86
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,269
Uh, yes, ma'am.
87
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,401
I know it's 8:05.
88
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:50,881
It's... We're just running
a little bit behind.
89
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:53,057
Yes, no,
I'm... I'm talking to him now.
90
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:56,060
Okay, bye-bye.
I lo...
91
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,933
Anyway, uh, so,
we're running a little late
92
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,369
for a naptime,
but my wife was wondering
93
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,762
if maybe you could
turn down the music.
94
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:02,980
She can hear it
on the nanny cam.
95
00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:03,981
Yeah, I'm so sorry, sir.
96
00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:06,114
Say less.
I got it.
97
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:07,681
I'll take this outside.
98
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:09,987
I was going outside
to get some fresh air anyway.
99
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:13,121
Okay.
But I want you to know
I'm the new handyman, okay?
100
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:16,646
And if you and yours need
anything fixed, you call me,
101
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:19,562
and I'm gonna come quicker
than Superman on Ex-Lax.
102
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,085
That's fast.
103
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,522
And you know that deliciousness
you smelling?
104
00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:23,784
Mmm.
105
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:25,220
That's for
the housewarming tonight
106
00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,743
to meet my...
All my new neighbors, you know?
107
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,354
You are the first invite.
108
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,138
You should ask your wife
to come with you, you know?
109
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,487
'Cause once y'all taste that,
110
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,663
y'all gonna be
an attachment couple.
111
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,404
Y'all might even start
making more babies.
112
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,014
Okay. Well, we'll...
We'll play it by ear.
113
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,494
Okay.
114
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:40,322
Take care, Princess.
115
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,584
My name's Max.
116
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,238
Oh, okay.
117
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:44,892
Alexa, check today's traffic.
118
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:48,112
Alexa: Right now, traffic on
your commute looks good.
119
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:50,158
The fastest route
takes about 40 minutes
120
00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:52,726
via Atlantic Avenue
and 6th Avenue.
121
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:54,205
What's for breakfast?
122
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,382
Oats.
Where's your brother?
123
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,166
Upstairs, trying to get cute.
124
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,342
He's changed his outfit
like five times.
125
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:01,343
Too bad he can't
change his face.
126
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:04,128
Uh, careful.
I helped make that face.
127
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,174
Shahzad!
Get down here!
128
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:08,045
Don't make me have to
come up there an get you!
129
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,351
With your ugly face.
130
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,354
I... What did I say about that?
131
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:16,402
Oh!
132
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,969
Who is she and what is her name?
133
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:21,232
Nobody.
134
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,496
Her name is Symone,
and she's in his science class.
135
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,454
Oh, Symone!
136
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:27,413
That is a cute name.
Tell me all about her.
137
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,371
There's really nothing to tell.
138
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,546
She likes him and he likes her,
139
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:32,940
but all they do is
act weird around each other.
140
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:35,029
No, we don't!
You don't know what
you're talking about.
141
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:38,946
It's okay. Getting to
know someone can be
awkward for anybody.
142
00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:41,296
So, what do I talk to her about?
143
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:42,645
Whatever you have in common.
144
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:43,951
Movies, music.
145
00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:45,518
Dancing?
Yeah, we both like dancing.
146
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:47,955
Okay, well, show her
some of your moves.
147
00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:50,566
You know what? You
should have her come by
the house after school.
148
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,525
Really?
Yeah.
149
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,527
I'd love to meet her. Amira: I think
it's a great idea.
150
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:56,398
And I'll be sure
to bring popcorn.
151
00:05:56,399 --> 00:06:00,054
Just remember, okay,
when it comes to the ladies,
152
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,882
use the word "Queen."
153
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,318
It's about respect.
154
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:04,667
And if you want to give her
a compliment,
155
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,234
do that from the neck up.
156
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,236
I don't want you out here
objectifying women.
157
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:11,239
And please don't use no lame-ass
pickup lines like,
158
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,981
"Oh, heaven must be
missing an angel."
159
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:15,635
Hey, that's Tray.
160
00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:17,419
Is that the one
he used tog et you?
161
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,465
No.
162
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:21,903
Okay, yes, but I was
a different woman then.
163
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:24,731
Finish y'all breakfast.
164
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:28,125
Yeah. You better tell your man
to hold your hand tight.
165
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:30,127
The big bad wolf is out there.
166
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,434
Ooh.
167
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:33,696
Whoa.
168
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,959
What if I told you
heaven must be missing an angel?
169
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,700
'Cause I'm looking
at one standing right
in front of me now.
170
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:39,789
I would say you must be
missing a chromosome
171
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,400
if you think that
tired-ass line is gonna work.
172
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,575
But wait!
173
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,012
You sassy, I'm sweet,
so we go together
174
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,840
like grape juice
and dill pickles.
175
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,711
How about a smile?
176
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,539
I woke up
at the ass-crack of dawn,
177
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,280
got on a subway
where I was sandwiched
178
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,717
in between a human fart
and a horny 15-year-old
179
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:55,936
just so I can go to work
180
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,894
where I'm paid
30% less than a man,
181
00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,070
and I had to stand on my feet
for 10 hours a day,
182
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:01,507
trying to dismantle
the patriarchy,
183
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:02,986
just so no woman
has to answer the question,
184
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,423
"Can I get a smile?"
185
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,337
I'll take that
as a "no."
186
00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:09,079
So at least let me
get the door for you.
187
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,690
I don't know what bunker
you just crawled out of,
188
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:12,126
but it's a new day.
189
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,476
Women are capable of opening
their own doors.
190
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:15,912
Share the memo.
191
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:18,872
You know there's an expiration
date on that attitude.
192
00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:21,091
Damn, she Scary Spice.
193
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:23,180
Who you here for? Paul Tilman.
194
00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:25,313
Oh, he upstairs
putting his kids to sleep.
195
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:28,055
Yo, Paul!
What is it?
196
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:29,535
You got a package down here!
197
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,493
Okay, thanks.
I'll buzz him up.
198
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,103
What?!
I'll buzz him up!
199
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,758
Oh, oh!
200
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,240
You ain't gonna get no tip, man.
You just woke his kids up.
201
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,634
Oh, that's my joint.
202
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:44,114
♪ I never been tooken out ♪
203
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,421
Yeah, but my soul mate left me,
204
00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,815
and I've been trying
to consciously uncouple,
205
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,686
but my birth mother refuses
to give me my birth time
206
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,775
so I can't even do
my natal chart.
207
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:55,648
So you'll send someone
to fix my sink today?
208
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,693
Oh, thank you, Mr. Kelley.
209
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,086
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
210
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:02,219
Namaste. Okay.
211
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,134
♪ Enough to make or break
and shake your... ♪
212
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:06,572
♪ As I create rhymes
good as a Tastycake makes ♪
213
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,965
♪ Bring it on back, yeah ♪
214
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,533
♪ Shame on you,
when you step through to ♪
215
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:12,969
Hey, Mr. Kelley.
216
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:16,016
Huh?
A clogged drain in apartment 2A?
217
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,887
Yes, sir, okay.
218
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:21,064
One.
219
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:23,676
♪ Shame on you,
when you step through to ♪
220
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:27,244
This door. Looks like
this isn't working very well.
221
00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,378
♪ Shame on you,
when you step through to ♪
222
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,207
♪ Shame on you,
when you step through to ♪
223
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,991
♪ The Ol' Dirty Bastard ♪
224
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:37,951
♪ In your face
like a can of mace, baby ♪
225
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:38,992
♪ Is it burning? Well... ♪
226
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,392
My body is mine!
It belongs to me!
227
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:47,047
Can we please keep it down?
What is going on?
228
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,484
He followed me inside when
I was waiting for the handyman.
229
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,834
He isthe handyman.
230
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,924
Oh.
231
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:57,492
Hey, babe.
232
00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,538
Hey.
Snacks, thank you.
233
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,801
Ah, that's for Shahzad
and Symone.
234
00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:04,064
Oh, wow,
you are so excited. Of course I am.
235
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,369
Aren't you?
Yeah.
236
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,241
Yeah, I can't wait
to meet the girl
237
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,504
who inspired him
to cut his fingernails.
238
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:11,725
I just hope she ain't no ghetto,
twerkin' hoochie.
239
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,640
I'll get it.
240
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,207
Here we go.
241
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:21,996
Mom, Dad, this is my queen.
242
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:24,738
Hi.
243
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,135
Oh, this is gonna be good.
244
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,270
Tray: What kind of
military-grade pepper
spray is this?
245
00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,141
Oh, you could crush
a citizen uprising.
246
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:40,187
Y'all need to send this
to Hong Kong right now!
247
00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:42,668
Uh, Tray, you'll actually
be happy to know that
248
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,757
that is not real pepper spray.
249
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:46,976
That is a product
I'm reviewing for Goop.
250
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,717
Ooh!
251
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:49,892
Yeah, the new, um,
Yoni tea mist with, uh,
252
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,633
lemon grass and tea tree oil.
253
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,679
Actually, while I have you,
254
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,332
did you
find the scent awakening?
255
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,117
Ugh, I find it burning!
256
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,422
Good to know.
257
00:09:58,423 --> 00:09:59,859
Well, that's alkaline water,
258
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,077
so it should neutralize
the sting a bit.
259
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:04,864
Oh, okay, I'm feeling better.
260
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,430
You might want to put these
back in the freezer.
261
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:09,042
Um, no, they're all yours.
262
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,434
Okay.
263
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,785
Oh, what am I
supposed to fix now?
264
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,830
The sink.
It's been clogged for days.
265
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,137
Okay.
This'll be a cinch.
266
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:18,921
What I'm gonna need
is a jug of lemonade,
267
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,793
some baking soda,
and a box of perm.
268
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:22,795
Well, uh,
I've got some lemonade.
269
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:24,667
And I have baking soda.
270
00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:31,456
Why would you assume
I have a box of perm?
271
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,900
My grandma sends me one
every month.
272
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:46,209
Okay, all done.
273
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,124
Thank you so much!
274
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,691
Do you want anything to drink?
275
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,475
Do you want a green tea,
a bone broth?
276
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:52,825
Ooh, I have Kombucha.
277
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:55,784
Oh, no, thank you.
I got a little rule.
278
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,917
If I can't pronounce it,
I don't drink it.
279
00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,483
That's why you never
see me drinking
280
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:00,789
that Pigio Grigio stuff.
281
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:01,964
Okay. But this here...
282
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,749
I'm having a little
housewarming tonight,
283
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,838
and I'd like
to invite you ladies.
284
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:08,623
Ladies, my Mercedes.
285
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:10,843
Maybe. Alright, man, okay.
286
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,105
Hey, Paul is coming.
287
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,715
Oh, I'm playing it by ear.
288
00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:16,283
I'm playing it
by ear.
Okay.
289
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:17,806
Alright.
Bye, Tray.
290
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,634
I'd rather spray that Yoni mist
in my Yoni.
291
00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,157
Have you guys seen my phone?
292
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:22,419
No.
You sure you brought it inside?
293
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,725
Yeah, I'm sure.
294
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,509
I'll just call it. Yeah, wait, no.
295
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:26,859
It's on silent.
296
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,774
Okay, well, where
did you have it last?
297
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,079
Uh, okay, I came in the door,
298
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,951
I put my bags down over there,
299
00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:34,997
and then I put my phone down
right next to...
300
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:38,435
Tray.
301
00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:41,525
Do you guys think he maybe,
like, accidentally stole it?
302
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,397
Oh.
Why?
303
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:44,964
Because he's black? No.
304
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,661
Uh, you're profiling again.
305
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:47,923
Just because Tray's an ex-con
306
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,185
does not mean
he stole your phone.
307
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,665
Wait, wait, Tray's an ex-con?
308
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,101
How... How do you know that?
309
00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:54,016
Just a little routine
background check.
310
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,539
Oh, God, I got it,
so now you'reprofiling.
311
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:56,802
No, that's not what this is.
312
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,107
I do a background check
on everybody
313
00:11:58,108 --> 00:11:59,848
who moves in the building.
314
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,458
And, Paul, you should probably
tell your wife
315
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:02,764
she needs to check on
that speeding ticket.
316
00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:04,766
Oh, okay.
Uh, I'll let her know.
317
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,681
Actually, we should get going.
Max, let's go.
318
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:07,682
Max?
Where's my daughter?
319
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,031
I lost my daughter.
Max?
320
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:10,685
Okay, you don't
have it that bad.
321
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:12,034
Stick with Daddy!
322
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,645
Your dad seems like
a really nice guy.
323
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,778
Shahzad: Thank you. Thanks so much
for inviting me.
324
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,955
I'm having a great time.
325
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,437
Hey.
What's the matter?
326
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,873
You seem upset.
327
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:27,267
I didn't think
she was gonna show up white.
328
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:28,703
Okay.
329
00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:30,052
Well, I hate to be the bearer
330
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,924
of what is apparently bad news,
331
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:33,969
but you're married
to a white guy.
332
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:37,930
I know, but this caught me
off guard, you know?
333
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:41,194
I was... I was expecting
to see Moesha,
334
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:42,978
not Marcia Brady.
335
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,807
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I get it.
336
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:48,767
Who is Marcia Brady?
337
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:52,074
That's why I married you.
338
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,729
We've built an Earthship
this year.
339
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,078
I'm really excited about it.
340
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:58,167
That's cool.
Who's your partner?
341
00:12:58,168 --> 00:13:00,822
Melody Swanson. Oh, lucky you.
342
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,606
She's the prettiest girl
in school.
343
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:05,392
I mean, she's okay.
344
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:10,310
But I think you're the prettiest
girl in the school.
345
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,094
Really?
Yeah.
346
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:15,968
I mean, you're beautiful.
347
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:20,189
Your hair
i-is so soft and silky.
348
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:21,843
Your eyes...
349
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,628
I-it's like a big, blue ocean.
350
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,674
And your skin, wow.
351
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:29,024
I-It's like porcelain.
352
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,721
I got you guys snacks.
353
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,071
Thank you,
Mrs. Birkeland.
354
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:34,073
Here, let me get that for you.
355
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,074
Oh.
356
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,250
At your service, my queen.
357
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,469
You're so nice.
358
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,998
What's up?
I'm Tray.
359
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:48,522
I got a request
to repair your toilet.
360
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,350
Oh, yeah,
you must be the handyman, right?
361
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,525
Nope.
362
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,222
I'm a black man
who happened to be handy.
363
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,224
I didn't mean
to offend you. It's alright, man.
364
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:58,010
I just got sprayed in the face
by some skinny blonde chick.
365
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,795
Ah, yeah, you met Luna.
366
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:02,666
Yeah, she's a little
high-strung,
367
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,233
but totally harmless.
368
00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,366
And as beautiful as a butterfly.
369
00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,020
Y'all a couple?
370
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:10,370
No, she reminds me of a reindeer
371
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:12,807
I once met in Finland, you know?
372
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:16,463
Wild, majestic.
373
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:20,075
But as I coaxed the milk
from her reindeer teat,
374
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:23,470
I just thought, you know,
"Too much work."
375
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:25,167
Yeah, I know.
376
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:26,821
Sometimes sucking
reindeer titties could be...
377
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,083
Hey, could I come in, man?
378
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:30,478
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, okay.
379
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:37,397
Yo!
This is tight!
380
00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:38,659
You got your own
Dave & Buster's.
381
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,748
Yeah.
This is Miles.
382
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:42,619
He sets it all up, so...
383
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,318
What's up, Miles?
384
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,755
Yeah, Miles isn't much
for human interaction, so...
385
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,278
The form is too limiting.
386
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,367
I prefer to transfer
my consciousness to the cloud.
387
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,717
Well, he's a walking,
talking Stephen Hawking.
388
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:54,936
Let's get to this bathroom.
389
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,721
Yeah.
390
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,724
This is not the bathroom.
391
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:03,075
No, no, that's my place.
392
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:05,077
Oh, you's locked up.
No, no.
393
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:08,950
See, I've adopted
a minimalist lifestyle.
394
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,647
That's what you call it? Yeah, yeah.
395
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:14,086
I just don't assign meaning
to money or things, you know?
396
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:16,784
I just, uh, keep myself
in peak condition,
397
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,307
so I'm ready for adventure.
398
00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:21,484
You know, the elation,
jumping out of an airplane.
399
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:24,531
Or... Or the ecstasy of...
Of the conquest of reaching
400
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:27,403
the very top of the snow peaks
of Mount Kilimanjaro.
401
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,666
Or... Or the thrill
of swimming with the sharks
402
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:30,972
in South Africa.
403
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,321
You know, these...
404
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:35,237
These are the things
that I live for.
405
00:15:35,238 --> 00:15:37,152
You know what all those things
have in common?
406
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:38,459
What?
White people.
407
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:42,679
I knew I was gonna get him.
408
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,421
Mm, yep, yep, there it is,
there it is, right there.
409
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,857
I knew it.
410
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:49,425
Yep, just like I thought.
411
00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,471
You got a crack, but it ain't
leaking through yet.
412
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:53,995
I'm going to run to the store
and get some supplies.
413
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,475
I'm gonna come back
tomorrow morning
414
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,129
and patch it all up
for you, alright? Right, yeah.
415
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,782
But if y'all are not
doing nothing tonight,
416
00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:00,262
why don't you swing by?
417
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:01,394
I'm having
a little get-together.
Yeah?
418
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,222
Okay, yeah, I got
this fine chick coming to.
419
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,441
She got a glass leg
with Kool-Aid in it.
420
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:06,486
You might like that.
421
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,576
What?
422
00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:16,235
I can't believe he's acting
like a servant for her.
423
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:18,454
Uh, I think he's just trying
to be a gentleman.
424
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,500
You were the one that told him
to treat her like a queen.
425
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,458
That's when I thought
it was a black queen.
426
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,373
You are being
really hypocritical right now.
427
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,680
You just don't understand.
428
00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:28,943
I'm trying to get this
dance down, but I just can't.
429
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:30,597
Really?
It's easy.
430
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:32,294
I'll show you.
Look.
431
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,731
It's like an angry
pirate processor.
432
00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,517
Here's how you do it.
433
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:42,478
You got it.
434
00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:43,827
Keep going.
435
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:47,309
You were the one that told him
to show her those moves.
436
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:49,616
I know what I said!
I was there when I said it.
437
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,097
Give me this.
438
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:55,970
Sorry to barge in on you guys.
439
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,276
So, we noticed that Tray
just left your apartment,
440
00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:58,538
and we were wondering.
441
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,801
Did you notice anything missing?
442
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:03,195
No. Why?
443
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:04,848
Okay, so, something happened
444
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,503
that's gonna make me
sound racist.
445
00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:10,550
But I mean, you of all people
know I'm not racist.
446
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:11,594
I mean, come on, I have
a picture of Colin Kaepernick
447
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:12,900
as my screensaver.
448
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,119
Luna.
449
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,946
What? What's your point?
450
00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:17,687
I think that Tray may have
accidentally stolen my phone.
451
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,037
Have you asked him if he has it?
452
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,516
No, I can't ask him that.
453
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,083
Then I would sound racist.
454
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,911
Miles: Why not use
the Find My iPhone app?
455
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:26,348
We can find its location,
make it ring.
456
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,916
If it's on his person,
we'll hear it.
457
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:30,048
Ooh!
That's a good idea.
458
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,701
Okay, um, how can we do that?
459
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,486
We just need to get
inside his apartment somehow.
460
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:34,922
Well, he has that,
uh, party tonight.
461
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,228
We can all go.
462
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:37,881
Yeah.
I guess he can't kill all of us.
463
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,449
Okay, Isis, you just
got mad at me for that.
464
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:42,669
What?
Paul was thinking it, too.
465
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:44,585
This guy was thinking
the same thing.
466
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,502
Shay: I'm embarrassed about
the way I acted.
467
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:52,244
Symone's a nice girl.
468
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:53,723
It's just hard for me
to understand why
469
00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:55,595
Shahzad wouldn't want
470
00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:58,380
to be with a girl
that looks like his mother.
471
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:01,862
Well, why don't you go
ask him, you know?
472
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,473
I'm sure he's still up.
473
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:07,694
You know what?
474
00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:09,652
I will.
475
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,655
Thanks.
476
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,400
Shahzad: You find
the best videos.
477
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,793
I love hanging out with you.
478
00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:21,534
I love hanging out with you.
479
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:23,362
I got to go.
480
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:26,582
I'll see you tomorrow at school.
481
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:28,367
So...
482
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,543
did you have fun today?
483
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:31,892
Yeah, I did.
484
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:33,154
Thank you, Ma.
485
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,895
For everything.
486
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,592
You're welcome.
487
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:39,160
Um, let me ask you something.
488
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:41,162
What do you see in Symone?
489
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,512
Don't get me wrong.
I like her.
490
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:48,126
I'm just curious as to
what you like about her.
491
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:52,956
Well, she's not like
other girls.
492
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,785
She doesn't care about
looking cute all the time.
493
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,875
She knows she's pretty
without makeup.
494
00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,355
She's funny.
495
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:03,141
I can talk to her
about a lot of things.
496
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,012
She's smart.
497
00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:07,536
She's nice to everyone.
498
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:11,671
But tough
when she needs to be, too.
499
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:15,676
Actually, Ma,
she kind of reminds me of you.
500
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:26,381
Son, that's why I like her, too.
501
00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,645
Good night.
Good night.
502
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,913
You're bringing your baby
to a housewarming party?
503
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:39,177
Oh, uh, he missed his nap today,
so he's gonna be up for a while.
504
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,656
Okay.
505
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,397
At least Laura and Max
will get some sleep.
506
00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:43,964
Okay. Okay, I'm gonna turn
on the alert.
507
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,445
Yeah.
Yes.
508
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,276
Hmm.
It's saying it's right here.
509
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:55,367
Oh, no, no, no.
510
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:57,020
I didn't... I didn't take it.
I swear.
511
00:19:57,021 --> 00:19:59,197
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
512
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,416
Oh, okay.
513
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,201
Well, look at what Ace took.
514
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,072
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Thief!
515
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,378
Thief!
I'm so sorry.
516
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:07,814
Uh, he must've taken it
off the counter.
517
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,555
He's in a very grabby stage.
518
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,557
You guys, we almost just made
a huge mistake.
519
00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:13,211
The only mistake
would've been getting stuck
520
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,908
at this stupid party.
521
00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:17,693
Yo, what's up?
Y'all made it.
522
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,218
Come on.
523
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,135
So primal.
I know it is.
524
00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:27,312
That's a beef patty
between that girl's legs.
525
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:30,140
She could make a Sprite can
disappear with her mouth.
526
00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:31,534
It's on Google.
Check it out.
527
00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,711
Hey, listen!
528
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:38,018
I really appreciate y'all
coming out like this.
529
00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:40,542
Okay, most of the time when you
move into a new neighborhood,
530
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:42,544
your neighbors
are usually suspicious
531
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:43,893
or very judgmental of you.
532
00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:45,373
But not y'all.
533
00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:47,462
You've been treating me good
since I met you.
534
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:49,116
That's friendship,
and I need it,
535
00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:51,292
and I don't want to get
too sentimental here,
536
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,685
so that's why I'm gonna
turn the music on.
537
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:53,903
It's right over there.
I got some music, y'all.
538
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,514
Let's get down.
539
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,689
I want to see somebody
do the Funky Chicken.
540
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,605
Somebody do it!
39022
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