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{1}{1}23.978
{1450}{1494}Hey, Homer, did I wake you?
{1499}{1537}I'm up! I'm up!
{1544}{1614}I wanted to tell you|about a new BBQ joint.
{1620}{1650}Oh, BBQ!
{1656}{1746}It's called Greasy Joe's Bottomless|BBQ Pit.
{1763}{1852}I can still taste the sauce.|And get this:
{1857}{1995}-It's all-you-can-eat!|-This is like some beautiful dream!
{2000}{2083}And one and two and|three and reach...
{2089}{2139}...and five and six and--
{2144}{2210}Marge, I've got five words|to say to you.
{2217}{2296}Greasy Joe's Bottomless BBQ Pit.
{2301}{2395}You promised you'd only have|six servings of pork a week.
{2400}{2496}I'm only human. Now look,|here's what we're gonna do:
{2502}{2585}We'll take the kids to your sisters'|Saturday night.
{2592}{2665}Then we'll eat till they kick us out!
{2676}{2755}Saturday night?|I'm not sure they're available.
{2762}{2793}I'll take that bet.
{2932}{2974}Hello, Marge.
{2985}{3076}Saturday, we're going to|Stanley Peterson's wedding.
{3081}{3173}Although he's going at her|like they're already married.
{3179}{3255}Hey, alley cats.|Save it for the honeymoon!
{3269}{3330}Well, if you have other plans....
{3345}{3373}It's no problem.
{3378}{3448}We'll leave before they|toss the bouquet.
{3454}{3482}"F."
{3487}{3599}"L." No, I'm sorry.|That's a "C, " isn't it?
{3632}{3691}If that was a car,|you'd be dead now.
{3697}{3789}-But driving is my livelihood.|-Take it like a man.
{3840}{3945}Friends, relatives, work-related|acquaintances...
{3961}{4095}...we are gathered here to join|Stanley and Martha in holy matrimony.
{4102}{4212}Martha, my dear, I remember|the first day that I met you.
{4278}{4363}-Hello, Selma.|-Hello, Stanley.
{4384}{4428}-Is this seat taken?|-Yes!
{4434}{4490}Hey, beat it!
{4583}{4665}Had I not chosen that seat,|Martha, my love...
{4673}{4771}...who knows what woman|I might have ended up with?
{5102}{5163}Poor Brandy. Aunt Selma?
{5182}{5253}-Will you ever get married?|-I don't know.
{5259}{5311}-Why? You know somebody?|-No.
{5317}{5400}I'm sure you'd resent my pity,|so I'll hope you're...
{5406}{5511}...one of the statistically small|number of single 40-year-olds...
{5516}{5576}...who find their fair prince.
{5763}{5833}Patty! Selma! We're home!
{5978}{6098}I'll tell you one thing, Greasy Joe|is sorry he ever met me!
{6105}{6160}Marge, I need to speak with you.
{6274}{6374}Oh, and that sauce, Barney!|I could have drunk a bowl of it!
{6380}{6451}No, that's just my sister-in-law.
{6467}{6559}I'll get right to it.|I'm getting older and uglier.
{6566}{6676}Please, Marge, help me find a man|before it's too late.
{6682}{6740}Well, I'll try.
{6819}{6943}Do you remember when you made us go|to the Bowler's Hall of Fame...
{6949}{7056}...so you could see that car|shaped like a giant bowling pin?
{7062}{7127}Remember? Who could forget?
{7134}{7207}Then you'll also remember|you owe me a favor...
{7213}{7309}...to be called up whenever|and for whatever reason I desire.
{7314}{7417}-But that was just an idle promise.|-Not to me!
{7423}{7562}-I want you to find Selma a husband.|-Find a husband?!
{7567}{7608}Wait, which one's Selma?
{7615}{7699}She's the one who likes|Police Academy movies...
{7704}{7776}...and walking in|the park on autumn days.
{7784}{7889}I thought she was the one|who didn't like to be touched.
{7894}{8016}Patty chose celibacy but Selma|simply had it thrust upon her.
{8022}{8122}-But Marge--|-Homer, you will find her a man!
{8129}{8177}-Okay.|-And not just any man!
{8183}{8312}He should be honest and caring|and well-off and handsome!
{8318}{8394}Why should she have a better|husband than you?
{8399}{8487}Sodium tetrasulfate is caustic|and can remove your skin.
{8492}{8534}Say when.
{8540}{8581}-When!|-What's this for?
{8588}{8700}It's used in making rayons, film|and as a preservative in fast foods.
{8706}{8792}-It's also a potent herbicide.|-What's a herbicide?
{8797}{8895}-It kills grass.|-Excellent.
{8918}{8968}Must find man.
{8974}{9023}Must find man.
{9033}{9103}Must find man.
{9355}{9432}Boy, a good man really|is hard to find!
{9489}{9596}According to my sources,|you are simultaneously planning...
{9602}{9718}...to drop your pencils at 2: 15.|Do so and you will be suspended.
{9726}{9797}-Who squealed?|-You can't get anything past him.
{9802}{9835}He knows everything.
{9842}{9923}Vandalism fans, hold on to your hats.
{10043}{10129}-He'll never get away with it.|-He just goes too far.
{10134}{10198}One seafood burrito, Apu.
{10354}{10453}The time has come|for money to change hands.
{10459}{10490}Oh, sorry.
{10889}{10962}Say what they will|about our cafeteria...
{10968}{11080}...I still think they're the best|Tater Tots money can buy.
{11125}{11171}Wait a minute...
{11177}{11257}...that smells like|sodium tetrasulfate...
{11264}{11352}...bonding with chlorophyll.
{11608}{11643}Sweet Lord, it is!
{11684}{11733}Simpson!
{11800}{11892}Surely you knew that by writing|"Bart" in 40-foot letters...
{11900}{11945}...you would be caught.
{11950}{12039}-Maybe it was another Bart.|-There are none!
{12043}{12162}The sheer contempt makes me wish|I could use the board of education.
{12216}{12244}Call your father.
{12303}{12351}-Is Homer there?|-Homer who?
{12356}{12409}Homer Sexual.
{12414}{12478}Wait one second, let me check.
{12484}{12546}Homer Sexual!
{12552}{12656}Come on, one of you guys|has got to be Homer Sexual!
{12662}{12705}Don't look at me!
{12746}{12825}You little punk!|If I get ahold of you...
{12832}{12921}-...I'll rip your face off!|-You'll do what, young man?
{12926}{12972}What? Wait. Who is this?
{12978}{13054}The question is, who's this|and where is Homer?
{13059}{13178}Sorry, Principal Skinner.|It's a bad connection, I think.
{13184}{13253}For you. I think Bart's|in trouble again.
{13261}{13286}What now?
{13293}{13344}The victim is the grass...
{13349}{13440}...on groundskeeper Willie's|award-winning play field.
{13448}{13482}If it's okay with you...
{13489}{13605}...I'd like to punish Bart through|backbreaking physical labor.
{13611}{13696}Re-sodding the field manually,|seed by seed.
{14052}{14140}But enough about Bart.|Tell me, are you married?
{14147}{14180}Only to my job.
{14188}{14274}But if you weren't,|you'd tend to go for a girl?
{14280}{14385}These pants come off|at night just like everybody else's.
{14390}{14443}Why all the questions?
{14448}{14520}Oh, no reason.
{14526}{14573}I was just wondering if...
{14579}{14686}...you'd like to come over|to my house for dinner.
{14692}{14780}A payback for all the things|Bart has done!
{14789}{14899}Well, a home-cooked meal would be|a nice change of pace.
{14907}{14976}-I'd be delighted!|-Excellent.
{15140}{15216}Good evening|and welcome to our home.
{15221}{15362}I only hope we can put our differences|aside for the next few hours.
{15370}{15415}Just get inside already.
{15438}{15463}He's here.
{15470}{15566}What are you waiting for?|Go shake your moneymaker.
{15572}{15629}I'm too nervous. You do it.
{15635}{15693}-No, you do it.|-No, you do it.
{15698}{15778}I had a discomforting|thought on the way here.
{15784}{15883}This dinner wouldn't be a plan|to set me up with some...
{15888}{15970}...unmarried relation, would it?|Because I can--
{16058}{16110}Be still, my foolish heart.
{16140}{16211}Here we go. Boy meets beast.
{16239}{16345}Allow me to introduce you to|my wife's lovely...
{16352}{16442}-...and available sister, Selma.|-Hey, tubs, I'm Patty!
{16448}{16493}-What?|-Patty.
{16503}{16543}D'oh! Wrong one.
{16565}{16683}So, Patty, tell me, tell me more|about your trip to Egypt.
{16689}{16725}Nothing more to tell, really.
{16730}{16816}The Nile smells and|the horseflies are huge.
{16821}{16873}Marvelous. Just marvelous.
{16881}{16967}Well, Selma hated Egypt too.|A camel spit on her.
{16974}{17029}They can be difficult. Patty...
{17035}{17165}...the Parents Advisory Board asked|that I see Space Mutants Part V.
{17171}{17234}Would you be interested in joining me?
{17276}{17329}-I don't--|-She'd be delighted!
{17335}{17368}-I'll cancel.|-No.
{17374}{17418}We already had plans.
{17422}{17535}Your first date in 25 years|is more important than playing cards.
{17540}{17595}I tried to repel him, really.
{17626}{17664}Pack of Lady Laramies.
{17670}{17739}It could easily have been me.|Very easily.
{17745}{17806}Laramie Hi-Tars, hard pack.
{17811}{17929}Here you go. Smoke them in good|health. Any lottery tickets with that?
{17937}{17987}No. All right, five.
{17996}{18085}Stupid Principal Skinner.|You gotta be kidding me.
{18092}{18212}Save your strength, lad. There's a|whole field for you to re-sod yet.
{18240}{18382}Bart, you wouldn't know what sort of|candy your aunt likes, would you?
{18388}{18460}-Cherry cordials, sir.|-Oh, very good.
{18466}{18599}Now then, regarding your punishment,|have you learned your lesson?
{18604}{18711}Have I ever. The thought of doing|wrong makes my stomach turn.
{18717}{18787}Well, you're free to go.
{18792}{18864}Willie, you can take it from here.|Adi�s.
{18869}{18943}You haven't seen the last of Willie!
{19050}{19107}I don't see why this is necessary.
{19113}{19238}You don't want to show up for your big|date looking like Yosemite Sam.
{19266}{19321}How do I look?
{19352}{19402}Achingly beautiful.
{19652}{19740}Cherry cordials. I hope you like them.
{19747}{19824}They're okay.|Let's get this over with.
{19833}{19932}Let's start with the|Springfield Revolving Restaurant.
{19969}{20043}Food tastes better when|you're revolving.
{20102}{20209}-This evening has been disappointing.|-Indeed. Terrible.
{20215}{20286}Hey! Can we get some service|over here?
{20293}{20342}I keep asking for water.
{20347}{20439}-Is everything all right?|-Little Jimmy Pearson.
{20444}{20513}-Class of '71, right?|-Principal Skinner.
{20519}{20625}Get this woman a glass of water!|And tuck in your shirt.
{20655}{20747}Nearly 30|and still working as a busboy!
{20753}{20845}Standardized testing never lies.
{20862}{20939}I'm not surprised.|She's always the lucky one.
{20945}{21056}Two minutes younger. Skin like a|china doll. Bosoms till Tuesday.
{21062}{21178}Don't worry. There are plenty|of fish in the sea. Right, Homer?
{21184}{21289}Oh, yes. Plenty of fish.|We just don't have any bait.
{21581}{21630}Don't be stupid!
{21635}{21665}Sorry.
{21705}{21780}Oh, come on, love, loosen up.
{21785}{21932}I can't forget what happened to that|poor dingo. What could've done it?
{21938}{22052}It was probably just a wallaby.|Now come on.
{22057}{22137}Well, okay.
{22279}{22331}Hello, Dolly.
{22337}{22415}Oh, that was the worst movie|I've ever seen.
{22421}{22522}Not as bad as the service|at the revolving restaurant.
{22559}{22643}Isn't it nice we hate the same things?
{22687}{22808}-So, see me again tomorrow?|-That's my microwave cookery class.
{22819}{22913}-Then the day after that.|-Oh, gee, tae kwon do.
{22918}{22991}-The day after that?|-You're touching me.
{22999}{23072}Kiss me, Patty.|I don't have cooties.
{23194}{23294}Thursday, I'm going food shopping.|You can come if you like.
{23311}{23337}Until then.
{23377}{23460}I want every detail.|Or is your tongue too tired?
{23466}{23562}The movie was awful|and he didn't get anything.
{23567}{23632}Now good night.
{24257}{24367}One kiss. But I don't want|you bragging to your friends.
{24708}{24824}Oh, I wish I could make a P.A.|announcement to the whole world.
{24829}{24911}Attention! Seymour Skinner is in love!
{24915}{24990}-That's cool.|-Skinner's gonna kill you!
{24996}{25070}-Skinner? He works for me now.|-Simpson?
{25084}{25129}What is that there?
{25301}{25342}Patty.
{25377}{25452}I hate to pull you away from|your exercise...
{25457}{25520}...but I wanted you|to be first to know.
{25524}{25635}-I plan to ask your aunt to marry me.|-Your funeral.
{25649}{25748}Homer, lighten up. You're making|happy hour bitterly ironic.
{25774}{25896}I gotta find a date for my big, fat,|snotty sister-in-law, Selma.
{25902}{25968}I'm intrigued.|What does she look like?
{25975}{26089}-Like my wife's ugly sister.|-Wheel her in, Homer. I'm not picky.
{26157}{26265}-The rule of thumb is 2 years' salary.|-I can't afford that!
{26277}{26306}I'll take it.
{26315}{26399}My sister's not going out|with Barney Gumble!
{26404}{26476}She's no prize pig herself, you know!
{26500}{26596}-Bart, come cheer up your Aunt Selma.|-Okay.
{26609}{26657}What did you learn in school?
{26662}{26750}Principal Skinner's gonna ask|Patty to marry him.
{26791}{26867}Thanks, kid. You made my day.
{26871}{26973}But nothing! She's a heifer,|plain and simple--
{26981}{27051}There's the little prom queen now.
{27056}{27176}Can the sweet talk! You're right.|It's time to end my girlish dreams...
{27181}{27265}...and grab hold of the next train|out of the station.
{27448}{27549}Is that Selma? Ring-a-ding-ding!
{27553}{27646}-Oh, shut up.|-Why are you all dolled up?
{27650}{27744}It takes a ripe piece of cheese|to catch the mouse.
{27762}{27833}It's time to give away my love|like cheap wine.
{27839}{27884}Take it to the hoop, Selma.
{27890}{27947}Hey! Look what I brought!
{27954}{28032}-Schnapps?|-I'll take that.
{28094}{28180}You seem preoccupied,|my little pudding cup.
{28186}{28263}My sister's on a date|with a big, fat rummy.
{28271}{28367}There's something up here that will|pick up your spirits.
{28477}{28533}"Marry me, Patty"?
{28539}{28618}Jeezum Crow!|Look at the size of that rock!
{28625}{28691}The second most precious jewel here.
{28696}{28753}Patty, will you marry me?
{28758}{28878}-I don't know. I mean--|-Just say whatever's in your heart.
{28904}{28962}It's not that I don't love you.
{28966}{29011}You love me!
{29060}{29117}-Yes. Yes, but--|-But?
{29125}{29192}But I'm a twin, and as such I have a--
{29197}{29243}Special tie to your sister!
{29248}{29308}Any man I could marry|would have to--
{29313}{29394}Understand that you couldn't|leave Selma.
{29399}{29488}Yes. So I know you appreciate|why you can never....
{29493}{29551}-See you again?|-Exactly.
{29557}{29654}It's kind of a Catch-22.
{29704}{29762}Farewell, my Patty-cake.
{29769}{29856}Good night, sweet principal.
{30376}{30513}Oh, Springfield Elementary,|I will have you back again!
{30520}{30644}After all, tomorrow|is another school day!
{30650}{30751}And then when I got|out of the service....
{30765}{30842}Well, the next few years are a blur.
{30883}{30914}Where's Skinner?
{30919}{31029}We decided we loved each other|enough never to see each other again.
{31034}{31120}I hope I can find a man like that.
{31125}{31193}Are you throwing away|happiness for me?
{31199}{31259}-Yes.|-Thanks.
{31264}{31371}-Now let's go get some pancakes.|-Listen, Barney....
{31420}{31477}She broke my heart, Moe.
{31482}{31583}Don't worry, Barney.|Time heals all wounds.
{31588}{31639}What do you know? You're right.
{31645}{31729}And look, a whole pitcher to myself.
{31939}{32011}I told you you'd be back!
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