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1
00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:03,742
Gather around, people.
2
00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:05,701
Welcome to Brooklyn Hood's
Legends Tour.
3
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,485
I'm your guide, Tray Barker.
4
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:09,748
I was born and raised
on these Brooklyn streets,
5
00:00:09,748 --> 00:00:12,186
and I'm gonna transport you
back into a time
6
00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:15,319
before boba tea
and double-foam lattes.
7
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,713
This spot right here,
the police arrested
8
00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:22,979
the most infamous stickup kid
in Brooklyn -- Mezzo Mike.
9
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,894
He was the ladies' choice.
10
00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:27,331
A stickup kid
with a golden voice.
11
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:30,900
♪ Everybody, get on
the motherfuckin' ground ♪
12
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:34,077
♪ I'm so sorry
I have to do this ♪
13
00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,905
♪ Run me yo' shit, nigga
14
00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:37,515
♪ Run me yo' shit
15
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:40,344
♪ Bitch, you know what it is
16
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:43,913
♪ Run me yo' shit, nigga,
run me yo' shit ♪
17
00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:47,656
♪ Bitch, you know what it is
18
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:50,485
Who I got to rob around here to
get a half-pound of roast beef?
19
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:53,488
Tray: Legend has it
Mike could sing your pockets dry
20
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:55,881
and your girl's panties wet.
21
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:59,146
Sometimes at the same time.
22
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,886
♪ Ooh,
I want your wallet ♪
23
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:05,282
♪ I want your jewels
and the keys to your car ♪
24
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,937
♪ And don't you try
to run from me ♪
25
00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:11,549
♪ 'Cause you won't
get very fa-a-a-a-r ♪
26
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:12,637
[ Sighs ]
27
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:16,946
[ Vocalizing ]
28
00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:20,167
Police finally caught up
to him when, during a getaway,
29
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,344
Mike couldn't resist
one last shoobie-doobie-doo.
30
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:26,260
Mike: [ Muffled ]
♪ They're never gonna find me
31
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:29,263
♪ They're never gonna find me
32
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:33,223
♪ No, they're never
gonna find me ♪
33
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:36,096
♪ These motherfuckas found me
34
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,054
Tray:
Even at his trial,
35
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:40,970
he tried to serenade his way
out of a conviction.
36
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:45,235
♪ Your Honor,
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
37
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:49,021
♪ And to the victims,
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
38
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:54,549
♪ And to my family,
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
39
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:58,205
Are you done?
40
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,120
How does the jury
find the defendant?
41
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,210
We find
the defendant...
42
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,474
♪ Ooh ♪ Guilty as charged
43
00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,302
What?
44
00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:12,871
♪ You gonna go to jail
for 15 years ♪
45
00:02:12,871 --> 00:02:14,525
[ Gavel bangs ]
46
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:17,006
Tray: Mike didn't let
incarceration end his dream.
47
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,834
For his latest
prison performance,
48
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,837
"Scam-ilton,"
he received a Tony.
49
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:24,970
Hi.
I'm Tony.
50
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,885
Oh, shit.
51
00:02:26,885 --> 00:02:29,845
[ Thunder rumbles ]
52
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:32,848
[ Rapping ] ♪ My friends on
the team broke like me, too♪
53
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:35,546
♪ So you might get stumped,
that's crazy glue♪
54
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,809
♪ They want bass
when they come through♪
55
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,246
Makin' me so sad, girl.
56
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,204
♪ 'Cause it takes two♪
57
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,988
Oh. [ Smooches ]
58
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,381
Perfect.
59
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:46,818
Hi!
Sorry, hi.
60
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,211
I'm sorry to bring
the whole crew over.
61
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,995
Uh, this one has a tendency
to run off.
62
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,259
Hey, I'm -- I'm Paul
from across the hall.
63
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,043
Hey, Paul from
across the hall.
64
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,914
I'm Tray
from around the way.
65
00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:58,830
Nostrand and Halsey, right up
the block from the A Train.
66
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:00,136
You do know
you have a baby
67
00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:02,051
sticking out
of your body, right?
68
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,009
[ Chuckles ]
You look like
a marsupial.
69
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,359
I learned that word
in a law library.
70
00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:07,274
Oh, yeah,
this is my -- my son, Ace.
71
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,884
We're doing
attachment parenting.
72
00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,146
Oh, that is cool.
73
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:11,930
Hey, princess!My name is Max.
74
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:15,107
Oh, Maxine?
No. Max.
75
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:17,327
My wife and I don't believe in
traditional gender roles.
76
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,590
Uh, that's part of the
reason why she's off
pursuing her passion.
77
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:22,202
Right.
She's the C.E.O.
of a Fortune 500 company.
78
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,073
Good for her.
I think that's great.
79
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:26,293
And then I'm tasked with raising
the next generation
80
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,164
of empathetic men
and empowered women.
81
00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,731
We're a partnership.
[ Chuckles ]
82
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,689
Oh,
I know that's right.
83
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:34,736
So you're
the white Stedman.
84
00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:36,259
Wow, that's --
[Sighs]
85
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,479
He's a --
Oh, that means a lot to me.
86
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,307
He's -- He's a personal hero
of mine.
87
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:41,612
[ Buzzer ]Um -- Oh, I'm so sorry.
88
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,440
This my wife calling.
89
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,789
Uh, go for Paul.
90
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,270
Uh, yes, ma'am.
91
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,402
I know it's 8:05.
92
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:50,882
It's -- We're just running
a little bit behind.
93
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:53,058
Yes, no,
I'm -- I'm talking to him now.
94
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:56,061
Okay, bye-bye.
I lo--
95
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,934
Anyway, uh, so,
we're running a little late
96
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,370
for a naptime,
but my wife was wondering
97
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,763
if maybe you could
turn down the music.
98
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:02,981
She can hear it
on the nanny cam.
99
00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:03,982
Yeah,
I'm so sorry, sir.
100
00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:06,115
Say less.
I got it.
101
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:07,682
I'll take this outside.
102
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:09,988
I was going outside
to get some fresh air anyway.
103
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:13,122
Okay.
But I want you to know
I'm the new handyman, okay?
104
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:16,647
And if you and yours need
anything fixed, you call me,
105
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:19,563
and I'm gonna come quicker
than Superman on Ex-Lax.
106
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,086
That's fast.
[ Laughs ]
107
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,523
And you know that deliciousness
you smelling?
108
00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:23,785
Mmm.
109
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:25,221
That's for
the housewarming tonight
110
00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,744
to meet my --
all my new neighbors, you know?
111
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,355
You are
the first invite.
112
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,139
You should ask your wife
to come with you, you know?
113
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,488
'Cause once y'all
taste that,
114
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,664
y'all gonna be
an attachment couple.
115
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,405
Y'all might even start
making more babies.
116
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,015
Okay. Well, we'll --
we'll play it by ear.
117
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,495
Okay.
118
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:40,323
Take care, Princess.
119
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,585
My name's Max.
120
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,239
Oh, okay.
121
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:44,893
Alexa, check today's traffic.
122
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:48,113
Alexa: Right now, traffic on
your commute looks good.
123
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:50,159
The fastest route
takes about 40 minutes
124
00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:52,727
via Atlantic Avenue
and 6th Avenue.
125
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:54,206
What's for breakfast?
126
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,383
Oats.
Where's your brother?
127
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,167
Upstairs,
trying to get cute.
128
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,343
He's changed his outfit
like five times.
129
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:01,344
Too bad he can't
change his face.
130
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:04,129
Uh, careful.
I helped make that face.
131
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,175
Shahzad!
Get down here!
132
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:08,046
Don't make me have to
come up there an get you!
133
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,352
With your ugly face.
134
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,354
I -- What did I say
about that?
135
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:16,403
Oh!
136
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,970
Who is she
and what is her name?
137
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:21,233
[ Chuckles ] Nobody.
138
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,497
Her name is Symone,
and she's in his science class.
139
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,455
[ Scoffs ]Oh, Symone!
140
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:27,414
That is a cute name.
Tell me all about her.
141
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,372
There's really
nothing to tell.
142
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,547
She likes him
and he likes her,
143
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:32,941
but all they do is
act weird around each other.
144
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:35,030
[ Sighs ] No, we don't!
You don't know what
you're talking about.
145
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:38,947
It's okay. Getting to
know someone can be
awkward for anybody.
146
00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:41,297
[ Sighs ] So,
what do I talk to her about?
147
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:42,646
Whatever you have
in common.
148
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:43,952
Movies, music.
149
00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:45,519
Dancing?
Yeah, we both like dancing.
150
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:47,956
Okay, well, show her
some of your moves.
151
00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:50,567
You know what? You
should have her come by
the house after school.
152
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,526
Really?
Yeah.
153
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,528
I'd love to meet her.Amira: I think
it's a great idea.
154
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:56,399
And I'll be sure
to bring popcorn.
155
00:05:56,399 --> 00:06:00,055
Just remember, okay,
when it comes to the ladies,
156
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,883
use the word "Queen."
157
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,319
It's about respect.
158
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:04,668
And if you want to give her
a compliment,
159
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,235
do that
from the neck up.
160
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,237
I don't want you out here
objectifying women.
161
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:11,240
And please don't use no lame-ass
pickup lines like,
162
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,982
[As Tray] "Oh, heaven must be
missing an angel."
163
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:15,636
[ Laughs ]
Hey, that's Tray.
164
00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:17,420
Is that the one
he used tog et you?
165
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,466
No.
166
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:21,903
Okay, yes, but I was
a different woman then.
167
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,121
[ Both laugh ]
168
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:24,732
Finish y'all breakfast.
169
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:28,126
Yeah. You better tell your man
to hold your hand tight.
170
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:30,128
The big bad wolf
is out there.
171
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,435
[ Howls ] Ooh.
172
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:33,697
Whoa.
173
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,960
What if I told you
heaven must be missing an angel?
174
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,701
'Cause I'm looking
at one standing right
in front of me now.
175
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:39,790
I would say you must be
missing a chromosome
176
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,401
if you think that
tired-ass line is gonna work.
177
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,576
But wait!
178
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,013
You sassy, I'm sweet,
so we go together
179
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,841
like grape juice
and dill pickles.
180
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,712
How about a smile?
181
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,540
I woke up
at the ass-crack of dawn,
182
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,281
got on a subway
where I was sandwiched
183
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,718
in between a human fart
and a horny 15-year-old
184
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:55,937
just so
I can go to work
185
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,895
where I'm paid
30% less than a man,
186
00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,071
and I had to stand on my feet
for 10 hours a day,
187
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:01,508
trying to dismantle
the patriarchy,
188
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:02,987
just so no woman
has to answer the question,
189
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,424
"Can I get a smile?"
190
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,338
I'll take that
as a "no."
191
00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:09,080
So at least let me
get the door for you.
192
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,691
I don't know what bunker
you just crawled out of,
193
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:12,127
but it's a new day.
194
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,477
Women are capable of opening
their own doors.
195
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:15,913
Share the memo.
196
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:18,873
You know there's an expiration
date on that attitude.
197
00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:21,092
Damn,
she Scary Spice.
198
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:23,181
Who you here for?Paul Tilman.
199
00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:25,314
Oh, he upstairs
putting his kids to sleep.
200
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:28,056
Yo, Paul!
What is it?
201
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:29,536
You got a package
down here!
202
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,494
Okay, thanks.
I'll buzz him up.
203
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,104
What?!
I'll buzz him up!
204
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,759
[ Baby cries ]Oh, oh!
205
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,240
You ain't gonna get no tip, man.
You just woke his kids up.
206
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,111
♪♪
207
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,635
Oh,
that's my joint.
208
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:44,115
♪ I never been tooken out♪
209
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,422
Yeah, but my soul mate left me,
210
00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,816
and I've been trying
to consciously uncouple,
211
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,687
but my birth mother refuses
to give me my birth time
212
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,776
so I can't even do
my natal chart.
213
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:55,649
So you'll send someone
to fix my sink today?
214
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,694
Oh, thank you, Mr. Kelley.
215
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,087
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
216
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:02,220
Namaste. Okay.
217
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,135
♪ Enough to make or break
and shake your...♪
218
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:06,573
♪ As I create rhymes
good as a Tastycake makes♪
219
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,966
[ Cellphone rings ]♪ Bring it on back, yeah♪
220
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,534
♪ Shame on you,
when you step through to♪
221
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:12,970
Hey, Mr. Kelley.
222
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:16,017
Huh?
A clogged drain in apartment 2A?
223
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,888
Yes, sir, okay.
224
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:21,065
One.
225
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:23,677
♪ Shame on you,
when you step through to♪
226
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:27,245
This door. Looks like
this isn't working very well.
227
00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,378
♪ Shame on you,
when you step through to♪
228
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:30,901
[ Keys jingle, door closes ]
229
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,208
♪ Shame on you,
when you step through to♪
230
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,992
♪ The Ol' Dirty Bastard♪
231
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:37,952
♪ In your face
like a can of mace, baby♪
232
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:38,953
♪ Is it burning? Well...♪
233
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,172
[ Screaming ]
234
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:42,565
[ Grunts ]
235
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,393
My body is mine!
It belongs to me!
236
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:47,048
Can we please keep it down?
What is going on?
237
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,485
He followed me inside when
I was waiting for the handyman.
238
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,835
[ Groans ]He isthe handyman.
239
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,924
[ Screams ]
Oh.
240
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:57,493
Hey, babe.
241
00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,539
Hey.
Snacks, thank you.
242
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,802
Ah, that's for Shahzad
and Symone.
243
00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:04,065
Oh, wow,
you are so excited.Of course I am.
244
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,370
Aren't you?
Yeah.
245
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,242
Yeah, I can't wait
to meet the girl
246
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,505
who inspired him
to cut his fingernails.[ Chuckles ]
247
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:11,725
I just hope she ain't no ghetto,
twerkin' hoochie.
248
00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:12,987
[ Doorbell rings ]
249
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,641
I'll get it.
250
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,207
Here we go.
251
00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:17,948
[ Door opens ]
252
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:21,996
[ Door closes ]Mom, Dad,
this is my queen.
253
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:24,738
Hi. [ Chuckles ]
254
00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:28,655
♪♪
255
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,135
Oh, this is
gonna be good.
256
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,271
Tray: What kind of
military-grade pepper
spray is this?
257
00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,142
Oh, you could crush
a citizen uprising.
258
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:40,188
Y'all need to send this
to Hong Kong right now!
259
00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:42,669
Uh, Tray, you'll actually
be happy to know that
260
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,758
that is
not real pepper spray.
261
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:46,977
That is a product
I'm reviewing for Goop.
262
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,718
Ooh!
263
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:49,893
Yeah, the new, um,
Yoni tea mist with, uh,
264
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,634
lemon grass
and tea tree oil.
265
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,680
Actually,
while I have you,
266
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,333
did you
find the scent awakening?
267
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,118
Ugh,
I find it burning!
268
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,423
Good to know.
269
00:09:58,423 --> 00:09:59,860
Well,
that's alkaline water,
270
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,078
so it should neutralize
the sting a bit.
271
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:04,865
Oh, okay,
I'm feeling better.
272
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,431
You might want to put these
back in the freezer.
273
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:09,043
Um, no,
they're all yours.
274
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,435
Okay.
275
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,786
Oh, what am I
supposed to fix now?
276
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,831
The sink.
It's been clogged for days.
277
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,138
Okay.
This'll be a cinch.
278
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:18,922
What I'm gonna need
is a jug of lemonade,
279
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,794
some baking soda,
and a box of perm.
280
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:22,796
Well, uh,
I've got some lemonade.
281
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:24,667
And I have baking soda.
282
00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:31,456
Why would you assume
I have a box of perm?
283
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,900
My grandma sends me one
every month.
284
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:46,210
Okay, all done.
285
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,125
Thank you so much!
286
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,692
Do you want
anything to drink?
287
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,476
Do you want a green tea,
a bone broth?
288
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:52,826
Ooh,
I have Kombucha.
289
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:55,785
Oh, no, thank you.
I got a little rule.
290
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,918
If I can't pronounce it,
I don't drink it.
291
00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,484
That's why you never
see me drinking
292
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:00,790
that
Pigio Grigio stuff.
293
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:01,965
[ Chuckles ] Okay.But this here --
294
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,750
I'm having a little
housewarming tonight,
295
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,839
and I'd like
to invite you ladies.
296
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:08,624
Ladies,
my Mercedes.
297
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:10,844
Maybe.Alright, man, okay.
298
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,106
Hey,
Paul is coming.
299
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,716
Oh, I'm playing it
by ear.
300
00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:16,284
I'm playing it
by ear.
Okay.
301
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:17,807
Alright.
Bye, Tray.
302
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,635
I'd rather spray that Yoni mist
in my Yoni.
303
00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,158
Have you guys
seen my phone?
304
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:22,420
No.
You sure you brought it inside?
305
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,726
Yeah, I'm sure.
306
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,510
I'll just call it.Yeah, wait, no.
307
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:26,860
It's on silent.
308
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,775
Okay, well, where
did you have it last?
309
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,080
Uh, okay,
I came in the door,
310
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,952
I put my bags down
over there,
311
00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:34,998
and then I put my phone down
right next to...
312
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:38,436
Tray.
313
00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:41,526
Do you guys think he maybe,
like, accidentally stole it?
314
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,398
Oh.
Why?
315
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:44,965
Because he's black?No.
316
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,662
Uh,
you're profiling again.
317
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:47,924
Just because
Tray's an ex-con
318
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,186
does not mean
he stole your phone.
319
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,666
Wait, wait,
Tray's an ex-con?
320
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,102
How --
How do you know that?
321
00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:54,017
Just a little routine
background check.
322
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,540
Oh, God, I got it,
so now you'reprofiling.
323
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:56,803
No, that's not
what this is.
324
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,108
I do a background check
on everybody
325
00:11:58,108 --> 00:11:59,849
who moves
in the building.
326
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,459
And, Paul, you should probably
tell your wife
327
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:02,765
she needs to check on
that speeding ticket.
328
00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:04,767
Oh, okay.
Uh, I'll let her know.
329
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,682
Actually, we should get going.
Max, let's go.
330
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:07,683
Max?
Where's my daughter?
331
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,032
I lost my daughter.
Max?
332
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:10,686
Okay, you don't
have it that bad.
333
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:12,035
Stick with Daddy!
334
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,646
Your dad seems like
a really nice guy.
335
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,779
Shahzad: Thank you.Thanks so much
for inviting me.
336
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,955
I'm having
a great time.
337
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:21,392
♪♪
338
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,438
Hey.
What's the matter?
339
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,874
You seem upset.
340
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:27,268
I didn't think
she was gonna show up white.
341
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:28,704
Okay.
342
00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:30,053
Well,
I hate to be the bearer
343
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,925
of what is apparently
bad news,
344
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:33,970
but you're married
to a white guy.
345
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:37,931
I know, but this caught me
off guard, you know?
346
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:41,195
I was -- I was expecting
to see Moesha,
347
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:42,979
not Marcia Brady.
348
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,808
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I get it.
349
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:48,768
Who is Marcia Brady?
350
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:52,075
That's why
I married you.
351
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,730
We've built an Earthship
this year.
352
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,079
I'm really excited
about it.
353
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:58,168
That's cool.
Who's your partner?
354
00:12:58,168 --> 00:13:00,823
Melody Swanson.Oh, lucky you.
355
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,607
She's the prettiest girl
in school.
356
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:05,393
I mean,
she's okay.
357
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:10,311
But I think you're the prettiest
girl in the school.
358
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,095
Really?
Yeah.
359
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:15,969
I mean,
you're beautiful.
360
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:20,190
Your hair
i-is so soft and silky.
361
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:21,844
Your eyes --
362
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,629
i-it's like a big,
blue ocean.
363
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,675
And your skin,
wow.
364
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:29,025
I-It's like porcelain.
365
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,722
I got
you guys snacks.
366
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,072
Thank you,
Mrs. Birkeland.
367
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:34,074
Here,
let me get that for you.
368
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,075
Oh.
369
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,251
At your service,
my queen.
370
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,469
You're so nice.
371
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,428
[ Knocking on door ]
372
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:43,561
♪♪
373
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,999
What's up?
I'm Tray.
374
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:48,523
I got a request
to repair your toilet.
375
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,351
[ British accent ] Oh, yeah,
you must be the handyman, right?
376
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,526
Nope.
377
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,223
I'm a black man
who happened to be handy.
378
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,225
I didn't mean
to offend you.It's alright, man.
379
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:58,011
I just got sprayed in the face
by some skinny blonde chick.
380
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,796
Ah, yeah,
you met Luna.
381
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:02,667
Yeah, she's a little
high-strung,
382
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,234
but totally harmless.
383
00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,367
And as beautiful
as a butterfly.
384
00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,021
Y'all a couple?
385
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:10,371
No, she reminds me
of a reindeer
386
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:12,808
I once met
in Finland, you know?
387
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:16,464
Wild, majestic.
388
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:20,076
But as I coaxed the milk
from her reindeer teat,
389
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:23,471
I just thought, you know,
"Too much work."
390
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:25,168
Yeah, I know.
391
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:26,822
Sometimes sucking
reindeer titties could be --
392
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,084
Hey,
could I come in, man?
393
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:30,478
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, sure, okay.
394
00:14:30,478 --> 00:14:32,523
[ Door closes ]
395
00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:34,786
[ TV chatter]
396
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:37,398
Yo!
this is tight!
397
00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:38,660
You got your own
Dave & Buster's.
398
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,749
Yeah.
This is Miles.
399
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:42,620
He sets it all up,
so...
400
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,319
What's up, Miles?
401
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,756
Yeah, Miles isn't much
for human interaction, so...
402
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,279
The form
is too limiting.
403
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,368
I prefer to transfer
my consciousness to the cloud.
404
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,718
Well, he's a walking,
talking Stephen Hawking.
405
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:54,937
Let's get
to this bathroom.
406
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,721
Yeah.
407
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,725
This is not
the bathroom.
408
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:03,076
No, no,
that's my place.
409
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:05,078
Oh, you's locked up.
No, no.
410
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:08,951
See, I've adopted
a minimalist lifestyle.
411
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,648
That's what you call it?Yeah, yeah.
412
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:14,087
I just don't assign meaning
to money or things, you know?
413
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:16,785
I just, uh, keep myself
in peak condition,
414
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,308
so I'm ready
for adventure.
415
00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:21,485
You know, the elation,
jumping out of an airplane.
416
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:24,532
Or -- Or the ecstasy of --
of the conquest of reaching
417
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:27,404
the very top of the snow peaks
of Mount Kilimanjaro.
418
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,667
Or -- Or the thrill
of swimming with the sharks
419
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:30,973
in South Africa.
420
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,322
You know, these --
421
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:35,238
these are the things
that I live for.
422
00:15:35,238 --> 00:15:37,153
You know what all those things
have in common?
423
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:38,459
What?
White people.
424
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:39,721
[ Miles laughs ]
425
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:42,680
I knew
I was gonna get him.
426
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,422
Mm, yep, yep, there it is,
there it is, right there.
427
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,858
I knew it.
428
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:49,426
Yep,
just like I thought.
429
00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,472
You got a crack, but it ain't
leaking through yet.
430
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:53,996
I'm going to run to the store
and get some supplies.
431
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,476
I'm gonna come back
tomorrow morning
432
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,130
and patch it all up
for you, alright?Right, yeah.
433
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,783
But if y'all are not
doing nothing tonight,
434
00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:00,263
why don't you swing by?
435
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:01,395
I'm having
a little get-together.
Yeah?
436
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,223
Okay, yeah, I got
this fine chick coming to.
437
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,442
She got a glass leg
with Kool-Aid in it.
438
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:06,487
You might like that.
439
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,576
What?
440
00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:11,231
[ Both laugh ]
441
00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:13,363
[ Scoffs ]
442
00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:16,236
I can't believe he's acting
like a servant for her.
443
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:18,455
Uh, I think he's just trying
to be a gentleman.
444
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,501
You were the one that told him
to treat her like a queen.
445
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,459
That's when I thought
it was a black queen.
446
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,374
You are being
really hypocritical right now.
447
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,681
You just
don't understand.
448
00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:28,944
I'm trying to get this
dance down, but I just can't.
449
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:30,598
Really?
It's easy.
450
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:32,295
I'll show you.
Look.
451
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,732
It's like an angry
pirate processor.
452
00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,517
Here's how
you do it.
453
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:39,607
[ Both laugh ]
454
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:42,479
You got it.
455
00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:43,828
Keep going.
456
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:47,310
You were the one that told him
to show her those moves.
457
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:49,617
I know what I said!
I was there when I said it.
458
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,097
Give me this.
459
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:55,971
Sorry to barge in
on you guys.
460
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,277
So, we noticed that Tray
just left your apartment,
461
00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:58,539
and we were wondering.
462
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,802
Did you notice
anything missing?
463
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:03,196
No. Why?
464
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:04,849
Okay, so,
something happened
465
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,504
that's gonna make me
sound racist. [ Chuckles ]
466
00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:10,551
But I mean, you of all people
know I'm not racist.
467
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:11,595
I mean, come on, I have
a picture of Colin Kaepernick
468
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:12,901
as my screensaver.
469
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,120
Luna.
470
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,947
What?What's your point?
471
00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:17,688
I think that Tray may have
accidentally stolen my phone.
472
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,038
Have you asked him
if he has it?
473
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,517
No,
I can't ask him that.
474
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,084
Then I would
sound racist.
475
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,912
Miles: Why not use
the Find My iPhone app?
476
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:26,349
We can find its location,
make it ring.
477
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,917
If it's on his person,
we'll hear it.
478
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:30,049
Ooh!
That's a good idea.
479
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,702
Okay, um,
how can we do that?
480
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,487
We just need to get
inside his apartment somehow.
481
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:34,923
Well, he has that,
uh, party tonight.
482
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,229
We can all go.
483
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:37,882
Yeah.
I guess he can't kill all of us.
484
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,450
Okay, Isis, you just
got mad at me for that.
485
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:42,670
What?
Paul was thinking it, too.
486
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:44,585
This guy was thinking
the same thing.
487
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,803
[ Chuckles ]
488
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,109
[ Baby coos ]
489
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,503
Shay: I'm embarrassed about
the way I acted.
490
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:52,245
Symone's a nice girl.
491
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:53,724
It's just hard for me
to understand why
492
00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:55,596
Shahzad wouldn't want
493
00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:58,381
to be with a girl
that looks like his mother.
494
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:01,863
Well, why don't you go
ask him, you know?
495
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,473
I'm sure
he's still up.
496
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:05,867
♪♪
497
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:07,695
You know what?
498
00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:09,653
I will.
499
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,655
Thanks.
500
00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:14,832
♪♪
501
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:16,138
[ Both laughing ]
502
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,401
Shahzad: You find
the best videos.
503
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,794
I love
hanging out with you.
504
00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:21,535
I love hanging out
with you.
505
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:23,363
[ Chuckles ]
I got to go.
506
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:26,583
I'll see you
tomorrow at school.
507
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:28,368
So...
508
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,544
did you
have fun today?
509
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:31,893
Yeah, I did.
510
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:33,155
Thank you, Ma.
511
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,896
For everything.
512
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,593
You're welcome.
513
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:39,161
Um, let me
ask you something.
514
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:41,163
What do you see
in Symone?
515
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,513
Don't get me wrong.
I like her.
516
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:48,127
I'm just curious as to
what you like about her.
517
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:52,957
Well, she's not like
other girls.
518
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,786
She doesn't care about
looking cute all the time.
519
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,876
She knows she's pretty
without makeup.
520
00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,356
[ Laughs ]
She's funny.
521
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:03,142
I can talk to her
about a lot of things.
522
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,013
She's smart.
523
00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:07,537
She's nice to everyone.
524
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:11,672
But tough
when she needs to be, too.
525
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:15,676
Actually, Ma,
she kind of reminds me of you.
526
00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:22,335
♪♪
527
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:26,382
Son, that's why
I like her, too.
528
00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,645
Good night.
Good night.
529
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:31,300
♪♪
530
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,521
[ Cellphone keyboard clicking ]
531
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,914
You're bringing your baby
to a housewarming party?
532
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:39,178
Oh, uh, he missed his nap today,
so he's gonna be up for a while.
533
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,657
Okay.
534
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,398
At least Laura and Max
will get some sleep.
535
00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:43,965
Okay.Okay, I'm gonna turn
on the alert.
536
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,445
Yeah.
Yes.
537
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,403
[ Cellphone pinging ]
538
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,276
Hmm.
It's saying it's right here.
539
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,148
[ Pinging continues ]
540
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:55,368
Oh, no, no, no.
541
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:57,021
I didn't -- I didn't take it.
I swear.
542
00:19:57,021 --> 00:19:59,198
Buh, buh,
buh, buh, buh.
543
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,417
Oh, okay.
544
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,202
Well, look at
what Ace took.
545
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,073
[ Gasps ] Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Thief!
546
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,379
Thief!
I'm so sorry.
547
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:07,815
Uh, he must've taken it
off the counter.
548
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,556
He's in
a very grabby stage.
549
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,558
You guys, we almost just made
a huge mistake.
550
00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:13,212
The only mistake
would've been getting stuck
551
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,909
at this stupid party.[ Chuckles ]
552
00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:17,694
Yo, what's up?
Y'all made it.
553
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,218
Come on.
554
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,567
♪♪
555
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,136
So primal.
I know it is.
556
00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:27,313
That's a beef patty
between that girl's legs.
557
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:30,141
She could make a Sprite can
disappear with her mouth.
558
00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:31,534
It's on Google.
Check it out.
559
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:34,102
♪♪
560
00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,712
Hey, listen!
561
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:38,019
I really appreciate y'all
coming out like this.
562
00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:40,543
Okay, most of the time when you
move into a new neighborhood,
563
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:42,545
your neighbors
are usually suspicious
564
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:43,894
or very judgmental
of you.
565
00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:45,374
But not y'all.
566
00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:47,463
You've been treating me good
since I met you.
567
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:49,117
That's friendship,
and I need it,
568
00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:51,293
and I don't want to get
too sentimental here,
569
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,686
so that's why I'm gonna
turn the music on.
570
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:53,904
It's right over there.
I got some music, y'all.
571
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,515
Let's get down.
572
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,690
I want to see somebody
do the Funky Chicken.
573
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,605
Somebody do it!
41196
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