All language subtitles for Succession.S01E04.Sad.Sack.Wasp.Trap.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb

MAN ON PHONE: Kendall,
if the stock drops below 130,

you're in breach
and we want our money back.

Can we start to negotiate?

(DIAL TONE)

I know that you said
he wasn't great,

but I was passing by,
so I thought I'd pop up.

I'm afraid that
is out of the question.

No one apart from Marcia
has seen him

-for the better part of a week.
-Relax.

We don't want
to rush the recovery.

Oh, right,
'cause you like playing boss?

KENDALL ROY:
You know my brother and I.

CEO and COO,
and welcome Tom Wambsgans

who is now sitting up
with the grown-ups.

Stock's gone below 130.

I've had an idea. You give me
four billion dollars.

I stay boss, you invest for once
in a blue chip corporation.

NATE SOFRELLI:
I'm going to need voting stock.

I'm also going to need
a board seat.

-Yeah, I wouldn't say
that I'm the man,
-Mm-hmm.

but if there were a man,
he might look a lot like me.

After you went down,
the stock tanked.

You took a gamble
on that loan.

But I found us
a private equity solution.

You are a fucking idiot.

( classical music plays )

Joan:
OK, that's right,

along the edge.

Good. That's good.

Don't patronize me.

Walking's not good.
It's fuckin' normal.

I'm not. That is good,
Mr. Roy.

Logan:
I need to sit down.

- Chair.
- Marcia: Logan,

if you're not well enough
for the charity dinner,

I maybe go with this
handsome young man.

Joan:
OK. Now,

this is a little trickier.

This is the proprioception.

That's side to side.

( music continues )

Turn it off.
It's like being inside
a fuckin' commercial.

There you go.

You turn it off yourself.

Come on.

Where the fuck's
she goin'?

( theme music plays )

Thank you.

Kendall: Rava, hey,
did you decide yet

about tomorrow night?
It's kind of a big night for me.

I'm making Dad's
RECNY ball speech.

I just kind of assumed
your "hopefully"
was a "yes."

( financial report on TV )

Are you serious?
( sighs )

...GDP numbers that showed
the US economy

maintained
a brisk pace of growth

at a 2.8% annual rate.

- How was L.A.?
- Great.

They're all fuckin' nuts,
but great.

Can you get onto Lance
about my speech?

And can we get one of
the late night guys to,

- you know, cook me up a bit?
- A bit?

Yeah, a bit.
You know, a selection
of jokes and riffs?

You're gonna
do a joke?

What does that mean?
I was fuckin' king
of the Lampoon.

Kicked their distribution
into shape.

- I cleared your morning
because...
- Who's that in my dad's...?

because your dad
wants to see you.

Guessing you didn't know that.

No, I didn't know.
But, uh...

it's great news. Right?

- Did you know?
- No, but it's great.

Sure. Oh, sure.

( inhales, sighs )

Shouldn't he have
told you?

OK, uh, listen,
I'll just, um...

get myself straight

and go and see
the old... fuckin' goat.

( quietly ) OK.

( door opens )

You look good.

Uh, well, yeah.
Well, thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Whoops.
Uh, Grace, um--

OK, see, this is why
your staying here doesn't work.

There are five bathrooms
in this place,
and you're here.

Why are you here?
Like, right now
I have to fart, and I'm not.

- I'm physically not farting
because you're here.
- OK.

I'm just feeling a little
oppressed is all, OK?

Thank you.

Do you want me to speak
to Connor and confirm
table arrangements?

- Uh-huh.
- We're hosting basically
the same as last year,

plus Joyce and Daniel.
Is that OK?

I didn't go last year, Shiv.

Yes, you did.

Remember we had that racist
Belgian GS guy?

And his wife who wanted
to kill herself?

Siobhan, I think
I would remember

our first Roy Endowment
Creative New York ball together.

I was trapped in Honk Kong,
scoping out theme parks.

- Really?
- Yeah. Honey,

growing up I used to look
at the pictures of the RECNY

in Mom's "Vanity Fairs."

And now, a little boy
from St. Paul's going,

with the most beautiful gal
in the world.

( Shiv laughs )

( phone buzzing )

- Oh, what the fuck?
- What?

Roman:
It's quite a haunting image,

isn't it? The eye almost seems
to follow you around the room.

Shiv:
What is this?

You know, your client,
the future senator? Apparently,

this is her husband's asshole.

What? Fuck off.
Can you prove that?

He posted it himself
with the caption:
"Check out my asshole."

It was on a site
called Filthy Rich.

- Has everybody got it?
- Just us, I believe,
right now.

Leaked to ATN. My buddy
thought I'd be intrigued.

All right, well, bring it on.

Ooh, feisty.

What, they're not
gonna run it?

It's dirty, it's weird,

and it's evidence
of precisely the kind

of disgusting liberal
metro butt-love

that makes our viewership
angry enough to buy
pharmaceuticals.

- Oh, OK, fuck you very much.
- OK, well,

hate to be the bearer
of bad news.

What do we call it,
"an intimate part
of his body"?

No! That sounds
like his dick.

Or just his "anus"?

"Anus"? At breakfast?

That's a fucking
juice-dropper.

"A very private
part of his body."

It's boring. And she needs
to get more sleep.

- Karen.
- Yeah?

- You sleepin' OK?
- I thought so.

Yeah? Are you sleeping
on your face?

- Mark: Boom! Ouch.
- I'm just kidding.

- You look great.
- Mark: How about me, darling?

How do I look?

FIE, Mark.
Fuckable in an emergency.

Logan (slurred):
Now, if we don't call out
this frigid little phony,

who will?

Yeah. Good.

Hey, Dad.

I didn't know
you were coming in.

Did-- Did Gerri?

Do I need permission?

Hey, come on. Screw you.

Just making sure
you're not selling

any more of the company
from under me.

Oh, you want to get into that?

You know, you put
a hole in us

by taking on
a shitload of debt.

But look, this is, uh...

it's great to see you.

Are you sure you're OK?

Maybe you should
get a briefing
and get some rest, yeah?

Yeah, OK.

Joseph!

Bring the wheelchair!
I need to take a leak!

( line tolling )

Hey. So, uh, Dad's back.

Back where?
Back in the chair?

Kendall: Seems kind of fast,
right?

But, you know, it's good,
obviously.

You'd love it if his brain
fell out the back of his head.

Jesus. I'm just scared
in case--

You're scared in case
he tries to push you out

and your plans for, you know,
Uber for news
and Facebook for cats

and open plan office.

You want a dance platform
jerkin' off idea gloop into...

think boxes.

I gotta go.

- Roman. Good morning.
- Frank.

No, correction,
it is not a good morning
from my POV

because you're here
and I fuckin' hate you.

Oh, come on, kid.

What the fuck
is goin' on?

Your dad asked me to come back.

Oh, the fuckin'--
the weasel prevails.

That'd be a good name
for your autobiography,

if they did books by jerks.

God, you're pathetic.

- He apologized.
- Sure, man. Yeah.

He didn't apologize
when he hit our au pair
with his car.

He wants me to
show you the ropes.

"It was her fault
for being too short," he said.

( sighs ) OK.

- Nothing else?
- What do you mean?

I mean, in terms
of what went up there.

Because first it's a finger,
then it's a fist.

then it's a dildo
shaped like Richard Nixon.

Ohh. Fuck this!

A man wouldn't be getting this.

Shiv: Mm-hmm.

Let's say that.

( scoffs ) Yeah, agreed.
Hundred percent.

But for us, now,

this isn't gonna go away,

so we need to be clear,
we need to know the details.

I think you need to talk
to your husband again.

It's not going away because
ATN won't let it go away.

So I think you should
talk to your father.

( phones ringing )

( music playing )

Connor: I just hope
the seating plan holds.

If it does...

look out, Middle East,

'cause I can fix anything.

Bill:
I just want you to know

you're the best
damn bunch of people

I ever had the honor
to work for.

Thank you very much.

- ( applause )
- Here he comes.

Bill. The best boss
that ever lived.

It's like Mandela fucked Santa
and gave birth to Bill.

Thank you, everybody.

Did you hear about Logan?

They say he came in.

Uh, uh-huh.
Yeah, I knew.

But I couldn't say.

Bill:
Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Come on, you genial
old fucker.

Get in here already,
before it's time
for me to retire.

- Hey, Bill!
- Sorry about all that.

No problem, Bill!
I just hope one day

I can eventually inspire
similar affection.

Uh, this is,

this is Greg,

new kid I took under my wing
when I started.

- Bill: Oh.
- I'm actually
a part of the fam--

Doesn't need to hear
your life story, Greg.

- So, uh, thanks
for everything.
- No.

But listen, before I do
the final photo,

there's a... thing
I need to mention.

- Cool.
- You know, just us?

- Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Great to meet you.
- Yeah. Thanks for
understanding.

- Thank you, Bill.
- You're welcome.

OK. So, uh...

I've turned off
the Wi-Fi, and...

this is, uh...
this is air-gapped,

so I'm gonna create
a Word document for you,

and then I'm gonna print it,
because I don't want

anything with
my handwriting on it.

I think someone
has been watching

a few too many spy movies
since they retired, eh, Bill?

( both chuckle )

Yeah, maybe.

Ah. Here.

This, uh, this is the number

of a set of storage files
in the depository,

and the subject is, well,

something that--
it's not a big deal,

but it needs to be handled,

and, uh...
you're in the family.

So... this is the name
of the legal office

that is the intermediary,

and this is the person
outside the firm

that we've been using
as a firewall

to deal with the blowback
from the NDAs.

Uh... uh-huh.

It's not a big deal, Tom.

Right, but what is it, Bill?

Well--

You-- you have
two viable options.

I can tell you everything,
and that's fine.

Or I can not tell you,
and... you wouldn't know,

and then you can steer clear
of the whole death pit.

And that would be fine, too.

- Uh-huh.
- So, I mean,

the nice news is, either way,
both ways, everything is fine.

Just keep the nuclear rods cool,
nothing's gonna blow.

OK, so... ( laughs )...
there's the death pit,

and at the bottom
of the death pit
there's nuclear rods?

Well...

You want to give me
the good news now, Bill?

( chuckles )

- Um--
- ( knock on door )

Bill:
Excuse me.

- Photographer's ready.
- Terrific!

Thanks, Kelly.

And...

( hits button )

print.

OK, you need to tell Dad
to back the fuck off.

Hey, shouldn't you be at
1 OAK or something by now?

You know he rehired Frank
to babysit me?

I don't need a babysitter. OK?
Especially one
I don't get to fuck.

- Seriously?
- Yes.

- Frank is back?
- Yeah. I mean,
you're CEO.

Can he even do that?

I don't--

It's-- It's a question.

OK, well,
have a talk with him,

tell him to butt out,

because we are
running the show now.

Tell him he needs
to go back to bed

and eat some soup,
get some rest.

Look, relax, OK?

The, uh, you know,

the dinosaur is having
one last roar at the meteor

before it wipes him out.
But look,

hey... you're doing
a great job.

Thank you.
Thanks, man.

- ( kisses )
- ( roars )

It's actually good to hear.
It's a big job.

I know it, bro.
Tell me about it.

Do you want some help?
I can help you,

we can tag-team it
on Dad's speech
at Sad Sack Wasp Trap.

Um, I guess, yeah,

I mean, it is a CEO thing,

so, I mean, like I have
a whole thing prepared

- with jokes, and so--
- You're doing jokes?

Why does everyone
keep saying that?
I'm funny.

( laughing ) Yup.
I'm sure you're gonna kill it.

- Who you taking?
- Uh, no one. Rava's busy.

- Doesn't want to? Got it.
- So maybe I'll roll solo.

How's that gonna look?
CEO can't even get an ugly
sister to go to the ball?

- You know who
I'd like to take?
- Hmm?

Anna Newman.
That blonde chick from ATN?

The bl-- Oh, shit, yeah!
I'd fuck that in a minute.

- Take her.
- It's not cool. I'm her boss.

Oh, come on,
what a pathetic beta-cuck.

"Uh, excuse me, uh,
would it be cool,

'cause I have something
very secret in my pants.

Would it be OK to show, please?
Or is that a trigger warning?"

Jesus, Roman, you're
a walking fuckin' lawsuit.

Uh, no, I'm honest,
I'm just like,

"Hey, I like your face.
I wanna fuck your face.

Can I cum on your face?"

Which is why my face
is drowning in pussy

and you're not even
fucking your wife.

Too far. Eeh!
Sorry, it just--

Ooh, them's the facts.

- ( banging on door )
- No, thank you!

Please leave me alone, please!
Thank you!

Logan:
I-- I got it.

Morning.

Morning.

( mutters )

OK. Give me a hand. Yeah.

Uh, personal first,

then the corporal.

Corporate.

Um, OK.

Well, personal,
nothing much.

Pre-ball piece,

profiles of endowment
recipients,

that's all great,

and just a little piece
on your health,

but I don't think
you need to hear that.

Say it.

Um, "Kendall Roy will give
the traditional address

at the RECNY charity ball
tonight,

in a sign that even after
recovery from his stroke,

Logan Roy is intending
to wind down
from public duties."

Where did he get that?
Who gave him that?

- I-- I don't know.
- Well, here's an idea:
find out.

Or find some other prick
to pay ya a million
a fuckin' year.

OK.

( mutters )

Connor:
I just gotta tell you,
handling the ball,

it's just not
a big deal for me,

which is the thing
that's so nice.

- It is not a big deal.
- "Winding down."

Winding fucking down.
I'm winding up.

It's just funny,
being in charge.

I remember years ago

I'd be at the table
between you and Mom

and we'd look down,
and there'd be the mayor,

and all the names
of old New York,

and you'd whisper
in my ear, you'd say,

"That Astor used to be that,
and he ran this

till he SNAFUed that,

and he's porking her,
and she's a slut."

And it was just...
a very lovely time.

Yeah.

Your mom loved all that.

- ( Connor chuckling )
- Fuckin' Wasp Trap.

( both laughing )

What would you think
about me taking over a little
on the foundation?

Could we pivot it away
from sick kids
and contemporary dance

and toward tax reform?

- Huh?
- To be frank,
everyone's dancing anyway,

and there are
a lot of charities

that cater to sad sacks--
God knows I love 'em,

but hey, what about
lending a hand
to stimulate free enterprise?

Yeah, well, let's--
let's see how tonight goes, huh?

Yeah.

Eva: I don't have time
for this shit.

- Hey.
- Eva: Hi.

Uh, so... look,

I want you
to call off your dogs.

Mm-hmm.

Because this obsession
with Joyce,

it's-- it's out of line.

It's sitting very high
on your half hour.

Uh-huh.

And it's vindictive.

And actually, it's bad
for democracy.

Are you going to respond?

Well, I think it's important
to remember

that I'm not the one
taking pictures
of my asshole here.

( forced laughter )

Yeah.

Are you running this
because you think my dad
likes this shit?

Oh, he wouldn't put
that kind of pressure
on his people.

OK.

Look, if I could get
some nasty little tidbits
on some other folk,

could you ramp this down?

We're not the only ones
running it, Shiv.

It's a hugely popular story.

Yeah, but you're
leading it, Eva.

You had a ten-minute
"sexpert" segment

on "How to keep your man
happy in bed,"

on a news channel.

OK, you've said your piece,
so...

and I've listened.

- Great.
- Great.

Actually, no.
You know what?

I'm saying as her strategist,
this level of attack

begins to reflect on
your professional judgement.

And you need to think about
the future, because this--

this is the old world,

and someday, in this world,
things will change.

You know I wouldn't let
any other strategist
in the building,

let alone this floor.

Well, I am very grateful.

So when we're talking
professional judgement,

good to bear in mind
that you're only here

because your name
matches the one
carved on the building.

Kendall:
OK, last thing.

For the press and comms,

it's clear, right,
that I'm CEO.

We hope one day my dad
will be back,
we don't know when.

- Frank: Great. Thank you.
- Thanks, guys.

Jess:
Hey, Kendall.
Stewy's here.

I just put him
in the South Tank

in case you want to
keep it on the DL.

Hey, Kendall.
Can I grab five?

Uh-huh.

Tom: Um, there's
something, uh,

something that
you don't know about,

and maybe it's probably
something that you don't
want to know about.

And, uh...

You know what
my dad always said?

He'd say he loved
all his employees,

but he particularly loved
the guys who ate the shit for
him and he never even knew it.

Got it.

Got it. Excuse me
while I get myself
a knife and a fork

and some Hollandaise.

- Hey!
- Hey, bro.

How's it goin'?

- Good. What's up?
- So your dad's in?

Yup, he made it in.

Which we were all,
uh, delighted about.

- You were delighted about?
- Sure.

Sure.
What's the story?

No, he's great, you know,

he likes to remind us
he's still alive.

It's great to get his take,
but he needs a lot of rest.

- Dad. Hey.
Just talkin' about you.
- Sir Roy. Logan.

It's just great
to see you.
How have you been?

So, you're the little schmuck
who owns such a big chunk of me.

Dad, it's Stewy.
You guys have met
like a million times.

Excuse me barging in,

it's just Gerri told me I have
a meeting with Opalite later...

just to say,
"I like it. Buy it."

- OK, Ken?
- OK, good thought.

Uh, I'll come find you
and we can discuss.

Sure, but if I don't see you,
I want it.

OK, uh... ( laughs )...

Well, it's not necessarily
the best option in the sector,

so, uh, so, yeah,
but we can, uh...

I want us into data mining.
Buy it.

It's a really
flooded sector, OK?

Lotta hustlers,
lots of bullshit.

You know,
it's a gold rush.

Oh, yeah.

And who wants gold?

Make them an offer
they get excited about.

Make them an offer
they want to tell
their wives about at night.

Nice outdated sexism, Dad,

but I'm sure you're
all over the data mining.

Hmm.

( mumbles )

I'm sorry?

You OK? Dad?

Hey, should I get... someone?

Maybe you should go home. Yeah?

I just, uh...
need to piss.

OK. ( chuckles )

Great. Well,
thanks for sharing,
uh, old guy.

- Glad he's gonna go piss.
- Uh, sorry. You know.

- He's still recovering.
- Mm-hmm.

Listen,
just technically,

and I don't want
to sound reductive, Ken,

but... who's in charge
right now?

Me. I am.

Legally and effectively.

( unzipping )

( urinating )

OK, Rick, thanks for that.

Thank you.

Very useful. Thanks.

( whispers )
Fuck off.

Hey.

( Tom exhales )

So, Greg, uh... listen.

I just had a meeting
with my private attorney,

and, uh...

it seems I have been
exposed to a virus.

Oh. Right.

Yeah.

Sit down.

It's a deadly virus.

And, uh...

( laughing )
and now... now I'm fucked!

Forever.

- It sounds bad.
- It is bad.

It is. And, uh,
I kind of need to share it.

But anyone I talk to, uh...

anyone I talk to,
I effectively kill.

Here.

That's the death pit, Greg.

Take a look.

I-- I mean, I feel like
I might not like it
in the death pit.

Go ahead.

You're family.

Thank you.

- It's complicated.
- Kind of, yeah.
But not really.

For a number of years
there was an unofficial
company policy

on the cruise lines
that if there was
a serious criminal incident

we would, if possible,
sail, not home,

but to a Caribbean
or South American port

where there were
so-called "friendly"
authorities,

and we could minimize
the incident to avoid
negative PR.

- Incidents like--
- Theft. Sexual assault.

Rape. Murder.

OK. The bad ones.

Yeah.
There's hundreds in there.

You know, the head of cruises
himself, Lester,

would go on these
entertainment tours,

meeting the dancers,

and extending the contracts
of the ones that would
suck him off.

Everyone we could,
we paid off,
we hushed up.

But there are emails,
there's correspondence--
it's ready to blow.

It's a fucking time bomb.

So, what are you--
what are you gonna do?

I don't know!
I don't know!

Because anyone
I ask for advice,
I make complicit.

If you know about this stuff,
you should tell.

But you can't,
because you're gonna
spread the virus.

So...

I have the virus, don't I?

OK, Ken, uh...

why don't you grab
the Opalite material?

Uh, well, as I explained, Dad,

I think they're kind of
snake oil salesmen, you know?

Like they're the people
who you buy a refrigerator

and their algorithm
is sending you, like,

30 ads for more fridges.
Great algo.

Well, you're the business genius
who sold me out

to this fucker,

so I'd like to hear
Stewart's thoughts.

OK, I'll get Jess to--

It's a 30-fuckin'-second
walkaway, son.

Kendall: Sure.

So, Stewart...

Jess.

Hey, Jess?

Yeah?

Has anyone been--

Uh, your dad came in
for like two minutes.

What the--

( sniffs )
Oh, Jesus, fuck.

- Stewy: Just like gone in--
- ( Logan laughing )

Hey. ( clears throat )

So, I think
we're buyin'.

Good with you, Stewart?

You're the boss.

All good?

Stewart, are you goin' to
the Sad Sack Wasp Trap tonight?

- The...
- He means the RECNY ball.

Oh. Yes. I am. I'm sorry
to hear that you're not
gonna make it.

Oh, no, no,
I'll be there.

Well, I'm payin'
for the fuckin' thing,

so I might as well go.

( laughs )
Yeah.

You sure
it was him?

You think a lot of people
come in here and take a piss?

Gerri: Maybe someone
spilled something.

Yeah, maybe the massive
fucking ice sculpture

I forgot about melted.
It's urine.

Roman: This isn't
a false flag, is it?

Did you piss on
your own floor?

Why are you looking like that?
What-- What if people knew?

- Gerri, you gotta talk to him.
- What do you want me to say?

Well, first tell him
where to go pee-pee
and poo-poo.

He came in,
he was talking to Stewy.

What's he gonna do next,
start jizzing in my coffee?

Take a dump on my iPad?

He's still in recovery mode.

If he thinks
he's OK to come back,

he should talk to you, Gerri,

and the nominating committee,
and set a date. Right?

Well, technically,
but it's kind of a gray area
because--

- He says he's coming tonight.
- Roman: You're kidding.

OK, well, that's a concern,
because obviously

with major investors
and press on hand..

Kendall: Yeah, I know.
What if he freaks out?

What if he falls asleep
in his soup?

What if he starts
shouting racist comments?

Just another
Saturday night,
baby.

We have a fiduciary duty
not to let the company
look, uh, nuts.

What did you do, Kendall,
when you realized
he'd done this?

- What did I do?
- Yeah. How did you respond?

I-- I don't know,
I didn't want
to humiliate him.

- Gerri: Hmm.
- Kendall: What?

This would be
the third injection
I've given you in a month.

He feels he needs
to be there.

You're only meant
to have three in a year.

No wonder you're not sleeping.

You're risking
long-term nerve damage.

( sighs ) Jab.
Not jabber.

Shut up and shoot up.

Sweetie? Really do
with some advice.

- Yeah?
- So, look, I don't--

I don't wanna
get you into this,
but, um,

well, Bill told me,
as part of the handover,

- where some of the bodies
were buried.
- Mm-hmm?

And, uh, they're not
very well-buried bodies,

and they're not really
even bodies, they're...

- kind of zombies?
- ( Shiv laughs )

They're ready to rise up
from the dead at any moment

- and kill me.
- Uh-huh?

I'm worried that if--
if it does come out,

and it's sort of--
it's kind of bound
to come out,

and it's while I'm in charge,
I'm dead,

because I know,
and I'm not doing anything.

But if I do do something,
I've gotta, you know,
do something.

- Right.
- And I'd like to,

you know, not--
obviously not carry the can,

but maybe do the right thing.

OK.

And what is the right thing?

Well, what I'm thinking...

is a press conference.

- Oh? OK.
- Yeah. And tell--

Get everybody in,
tell all the top execs
and the law guys,

and we go public.

Open investigation,
disinfectant of sunlight,

and, you know,
we pin the rap

on a tight group
of naughty, rotten apples.

Oh. OK.

- Uh-huh?
- Well, that sounds brave.

- Yes. Right.
Is that good?
- ( phone buzzing )

Uh... I'm sorry,
can we circle back?

I just-- I gotta
take this from Joyce.

Yeah?

Look, I did what I can.

It's dropping down
the running order.

But long-term,
you gotta ask yourself,

will your husband's
dirty pink asshole

go nicely with
that lovely white house
on Pennsylvania Avenue?

- ( music playing )
- ( camera shutters clicking )

( chatter )

Man:
Wave, Roman!

( ice cubes clacking )

( chatter )

Marcia:
Wait for me.

Thank you.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- I'm OK.

- All right. OK.
- ( grunts )

You're OK?

( wheezing )
I don't think
I can do this.

Yes, you can.

Vas-y and fuck them.

- ( Logan grunts )
- OK. Let's go.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Excuse me!

OK, what the hell is this?

Female server:
Uh, fork?

Forks are to be placed
thusly.

This is how they do it
at a Dakota dude ranch.

This is how we do it
at the RECNY ball.

Now, please go check
every other fork.

It's unbelievable.

Now, why is everyone standing
on this side of the room?

The room is growing lopsided.

- Let's lead them.
- What?

Like sheep, Willa,
let's lead them like sheep.

Go around this way
and corral them.
Corral them this way, OK?

- I'm gonna go this way.
- OK. OK.

( claps hands )
Hello! Everyone!

- Everyone! Hi!
- Come on, everybody,

I'm sorry to interrupt,
you all look fabulous,

I just want to say
if you're having trouble
getting a drink over there,

identical bar over here...

If you could just go
to this side.

Enjoy the space,
there's acres of it.
So have a good time.

The signature cocktail?
Too avant-garde.

The servers are
creating bottlenecks.

They put pesto in the gin--
it's a disaster.

There's no flow, Stephanie.

The evening is congealing--
there is no flow. OK?

...Mark Morris,
yeah, so my dad's first wife

thought she was gonna,
you know, empty the ghettos

and get everyone into ballet
when they started this thing.

- Yeah.
- So patronizing.

What are you drinking?

Uh, a white wine.

Can we get a white wine?

A couple of the kids who got
into New York City Ballet

still send us cards
at Christmas,

because that's nice
or whatever.

No, it's nice.

Yeah. It's, uh...

it's dumb,
but it's cool.

Can I have
a bitters and soda?

I'm actually kind of nervous
about the speech.

- Are you?
- Yeah.

Maybe you can, uh,
give me some pointers.

- You're the ATN pro, actually.
- ( Anna laughs )

Good, good.

Is that too wry?

About our good works?
Is that, like, snitty?

Uh, well, there's all this,

like, three pages of, you know,

about you and the family,
and the good works,
and the big hearts,

and on and on and on.

( laughs )

Excusing you, but I didn't ask
for editorial comment.

Now it's into Kendall, OK,

and he's all blah blah blah.

Hold on, pal.
What is this?

Roll that back.
What is that?

What?

- "Surprise Logan
retirement announcement."
- Uh, yeah.

That came through late.
He said he'd just wing it.

OK.

( exotic accent )
Mr. Bond.

I've been expecting you.
How are ya?

Where are you sitting, man?

- Um...
- In the basement?

Out by the dumpsters?

Maybe you--
do you want to trade?

Maybe you'll meet
a wealthy widow

and you can seduce her
with your sad eyes.

She can keep you as a pet
in Westchester.

- Hi, guys.
- Both: Hey.

- You look nice this evening.
- As do you.

Thank you. So, Tom,

I hear you're thinking about

holding a little
press conference?

- You know about that?
- I don't know anything.

- Right. I just think
it's the best thing to do--
- Tom, you need to shut up.

This isn't the time
to get your conscience out
and shout,

"Hey, look at me!
I cannot tell a lie!

I'm a good little boy,
look at my ding-dong."

OK, I don't think
that's a fair characterization
of what I'm--

Have you ever heard
of the Sin Cake Eater?

- No.
- He would come
to the funeral

and he would eat
all the little cakes
they laid out on the corpse--

he ate up all the sins.

And you know what?
The Sin Cake Eater
was very well paid.

And so long as there was
another one who came along
after he died,

it all worked out.

So, this may not be
the best situation,

but there are harder jobs,
and you get a fuckload of cake.

Can I ask you where
you heard about this, please?

Tom, it's tough
to have to tell you
like this,

but I'm in a
sexual relationship
with your mother.

She talks in her sleep.

Excuse me.

Hey. Hey, Pa,
how ya doin'?

- ( mumbles )
- Just wanted to check in
on something.

Just wanted to check
that you're aware of
Kendall announcing

your retirement
this evening?

I mean,
I'm sure you were,

but I just wanted
to triple-check.

- What?
- Yeah. Is that right?

- No.
- No?

Is it a mistake?
Because Kendall's
gonna say it.

It's on the teleprompter.

There's been
a change of plan.

Kendall's not speaking.

I am.

OK, good.

( silverware clatters )

( recorded fanfare plays )

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

I'm your host,
Mark Ravenhead,

and welcome
to the RECNY ball.

( applause )

Connor:
Hey. Hey!

The butter's too cold!

The butter is too cold!

The butter's all fucked!
You're fuckwads
and you fucked it!

- There's dinner rolls ripping
out there as we speak!
- Connor!

- Connor.
- I am a laughingstock!

There are always issues
when you serve
this many people,

but I think, on the whole,

it's going very well.

Complacent! You're fired!

You're all fired! Idiots!

Can't fuckin' believe it.
Surrounded by imbeciles!

( applause )

Hey. Come with me.
Come with me.

Come on.

- You lump of
fucking turducken.
- Hi, T-Tom.

- Did you squeal?
- What?

Did you bitch me out,
pig man?

- As in--
- You bleated about
the fuckin' press conference.

- No!
- Yes, you did.

- No, I did not!
- Yes, you did,

you filthy piece of shit.

I ought to drag you
into the kitchens

and have them boil you
until you're s--

( gasps ) My God,
you just touch me, Greg?

Tom, I'm sor-- Your spittle
was actually, like--

This is extraordinary.
What are we gonna do about this?

Are these assaults
going to be ongoing?

- No!
- You tell me you didn't do it?

I promise,
I swear to God!

Then who the fuck did,
then, Greg?

Because I only told you.

Believe me, man...

Fuck off.

Emcee:
...revolutionizing
Internet radio

to his work
with local children.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Juno Hernandez!

( applause )

- Hey, Dad.
- Logan: Mm.

Um, so I don't want
to shit-talk Kendall, uh--

he ain't up to the job--

but, uh, I think I speak
for everyone here

when I say it's great
to see you back.

- Ah, thank you, son.
- Yeah.

But one thing, um,

and I don't mind, it's fine,

but I do want to say that
Frank is what to me, now?

He's vice-chairman,

and you're general advisor.

And why is that?

What's the situation
with the park numbers?

- Park numbers?
- Mm-hmm.

Attendances are good,

but the occupied room nights
are down on last year.

I'm just waiting for Tom
to get his feet, like,

fully under the table.

The guy is a flake,
is actually the truth of it,

but I'm on it. I'm on it.

When are you
coming back in again?

You need to soak up
Frank's experience.

OK, but what does that mean?

It means do what
he fuckin' tells ya.

So sorry about the butter, guys.

Logan: There was a problem
with the butter?

- Frozen.
- Oh.

So remember, texting
is encouraged tonight.

Please, no sexting,

uh, but texting is fine...

Governor. Watching you.

Let's get those numbers in.

I want to see everybody's name
up on that screen,

and on behalf of
everyone here at RECNY,

thank you for your donation.

( recorded music plays )

- ( applause )
- ( no audible dialogue )

Hi.

Oh, uh, no. Hold on.

Ahh.

Thaaaank you.

Ah-ah-ah-ah.
You stick around.

Oh, I'm sorry,
am I interrupting
something?

If you like her so much,
why don't you just ask
for her fuckin' number?

- Grace: Rome--
- No. I mean,

you clearly want to,
right?

Grace, would you like
to give this man your number?

Yeah. I'd like
to give him my number.

Why don't you ask
for her number, then?

Can I get your number?

( laughing )

Can I have a pen, please?

Oh, OK. Here we go.
Yeah. It's happenin'.

That's handy.

That's actually
her number.

( Roman snickers )

Hmm. Wait, wait, wait.

Bup-bup-bup-bup--

And fetch another bottle,
please. Thank you.

Thanks, Brian. Thanks, Fritz.
Good to see you.

- Nice work, bro.
- What do you mean?

You know,
fuckin' the talent.

- Hey. Come on.
- No! It's cool It's cool.

You're fuckin' ATN,
ATN's fuckin' me--

it's a little fucking
clusterfuck, yeah?

Hey.

- Hi.
- Everything good?

Yes, I'm having
a lovely time.

Thanks.

So sorry
about the butter.

And just so you know,

apparently, Dad's going
to be doing the speech now,

so late change of plans,
I hope that's cool.

- What--
- Connor: Well, yeah,
he just said.

I guess that put a spoke
in quite a few wheels, huh?

Con. Con.
He's in no fit state.

Gotta go backstage.

Uh, Gerri. Gerri.
Can we talk?

Sure.

Over here.

Uh--

Uh, Dad wants
to do the speech.

OK. I did not know that.

Yeah. When he opens his mouth,
anything could come out.

Drool, anti-Semitism,

fucking string
of silk handkerchiefs
tied together.

I mean, if--

if he fucks up publicly,

we have a major problem.

- Right.
- You need to talk to him.

- OK. Got it.
- OK? OK.

Lasagna? Did you know
they had some lasagna?

- Would you like some?
- Oh, yeah. ( mumbles )

- Hey.
- Hmm.

- You good?
- I'm good.

Great.

Good luck tonight.

Gonna knock it
out of the park.

Thank you.

Connor:
Good luck.

Bon chance.
( chuckles )

Best foot forward.

You can do it.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

- Nervous?
- Not too bad.

I had a thing with the butter,
but... seems to be OK.

- Where you from?
- Bushwick.

Indeed. Yes, indeed.

Well, wonderful.
Great effort.

Connor Roy.

People have a lot
of preconceptions
about me, too.

It's difficult.

I mean, not... like
I'm sure everything is for you,

- but, you know.
- Right.

See, I actually
have this idea

that social equality
could be effected

by a complete eradication
of federal support.

Just people like you and I,
doin' it together,

- fighting it out without
all the bullshit--
- OK, this is me.

Great! Break a leg,
my friend.

( applause )

( recorded music plays )

( music continues )

( music continues )

- ( music ends )
- ( cheers, applause )

That was great.

( cheers, applause continue )

Frank: Hey, you.

Good job, Con.

Best event of the fall.

- Thanks, man.
- Really.

Hey, terrific evening,
huh?

You really showed it
to those cystic fibrosis
fuckheads, huh?

Well, it's all about
the charity. It's not
about me, buddy.

- You're right.
- OK, thanks.

Hey! Hey, you guys!

You won't believe what people
are saying out there.

It's amazing!
We tore it up.

We nailed it, man!
Score, team RECNY!

You're awesome, dude.
You're awesome,
awesome, awesome.

I love you so much.
Everyone, you're amazing
and I love you so much.

Stephanie, my rock!

Come on, bring it.
Come on, come on, come on.

Business mogul,
philanthropist,

and guy whose name
is on all of my checks...

( scattered laughter )

ladies and gentlemen,

it is my profound pleasure

to introduce to you,
on this most auspicious
of occasions...

- ( yawns loudly )
- ...in a change
to advertised attractions,

the man, the legend--

Logan Roy!

Ooh. Elvis. I thought
we were getting
a supporting act.

( applause )

- Marcia: Keep going.
- ( Logan panting )

Just get to Dan

and pretend you're talking.

Stewy:
There's a $40 billion
market cap

waiting to see
if he makes it.

If he falls, I'm gonna lose
one of my several houses,

and you're gonna pay
for the next one.

My God, he's really
milking the walk.

Nearly there.
Come on.

( applause continues )

Thank you. Um...

uh... evening.
( chuckles )

First, I'd, uh,

I'd like to thank my wife,
Marcia, for, uh...

everything.

Thank you.

Uh, thanks,

thanks to you all for coming,

and thanks to those
who have supported me

during my recent

health nonsense.

Head cold.
( chuckles )

Yeah, uh, yeah,
that's, uh, yeah.

So...

personal n-news.

Someone took advantage

of me being in the hospital,

to...

propose...

to my daughter.

So I'd like to take
this opportunity

to welcome her fiancé,
Tom Wamsgans, to the family.

Welcome to the family, Tom.

( applause )

It's so, so important

that children are supported
and encouraged.

And, uh...

everything I've done,

I've done for my children.

And I'm proud of the way

that they've pulled together

during my issue.

And, in particular,

my son... Kendall.

( applause )

Well done, Ken.

And now

for one last announcement
of the night.

I'm officially announcing...

...I'm back.

( applause )

You better believe, I'm back.

Full-time...

better than ever.

Thank you.

All right!

Thank you!

- Get me out of here.
- Emcee: Logan Roy, everybody!

( no audible dialogue )

Yeah, nice one.
Way to go, Dad.

Why would you do that? Huh?

I see you.

I spied you fuckin' out, son.
Don't ever do that to me again.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Retire me,
shoot me like a dog
in the street.

I heard about
your little speech.

My speech? I was gonna do
one fuckin' joke about how
you'd never retire.

Bullshit!

Why didn't you
just talk to me?

Fuck off.

OK, OK. Pa.
You're all right.

OK. Thanks, Mark.

Here. Easy, easy. Yeah.

- ( Logan pants )
- Connor: You OK?

Yeah. Oh!
Hey, Connor.

You did well tonight.

I'm really,
really proud of you.

I can no longer obey, Dad.

"I have tasted command,
and I cannot give it up."

A certain artillery cadet
by the name of N. Bonaparte.

( laughing )

Marcia:
Are you OK?

- Let's go.
- Connor: OK, let's go.

Yeah. OK.

- Good night. Good job.
- ( Connor blows kiss )

Thank you.

Hey.

You know, look, Anna...

can I just ask...

is there something...
going on here?

- As in?
- I don't know,

is there an atmosphere?
Did I say something
to offend you?

This has been
a lovely evening.

I was so happy to come.

So, am I crazy?

I feel like
I'm on a date
with an app.

Like there's this
invisible bubble wrap.

Look, um...

off the record,

off off,

you seem like a nice... guy.

Thank you.

Eva told me to come.

Asked. I mean,

I asked her to just,
you know, ask your people.

It's fine.

I'm just seeing someone,

but y-you--
you're the boss.

No. No, no, no.
I'm-- I'm not that guy.

Yeah, sure. No. I'm--

But actually,
you are the guy.
Right now.

( humorless chuckle )

What did she say? Eva?

Nothing.

Come on. Please, just--

To make sure that you had
a really good time.

Was she joking?

Sure. ( laughs )

OK, uh, and I'd prefer it

if you didn't say anything.

Well, uh,
I think I should.

Please don't.

OK. Sure.

Hey, come on, man.
This is our charity.

How much a plate?
You gotta get
at least a blow job.

That's the law.

That's not the law.

Well, it's the ethical code,
then,

and I hate to say this,

but she's behaved
rather unethically here.

( chatter )

( no audible dialogue )

Hey.

Had a really good time.

Good kid.
Smart move.

Keep talking.

I aim to please, ma'am.

Did you tell him to call?

( phone buzzing )

( buzzing )

( lightly moans )

( phone continues buzzing )

( whispers )
Don't wake him up.

Please close the door.

Keep driving.

I want him to sleep.

( music playing )

GREG HIRSCH: Hey, hey, hey.
Happy Thanksgiving, Grandpa.

-Not for the Indians.
-Nope. That is... still true.

ROMAN ROY:
They only way he'll respect you

is if you try to destroy him,
because in your position,

that is exactly
what he would try to do.

-(SIGHS)
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Are you thinking of moving
against your dad?

KENDALL ROY: If he's not careful
he's gonna destroy the company.

-(GLASSES CLINKING)
-Ever hear of loyalty?

Sure, wasn't he
one of the seven dwarves?

Everything isn't about money.

It could get you a fuckin' lot.

We're eating family style.

What?
Almost like we're a family.

CONNOR ROY: I just hope
the seating plan holds.

If it does, look out,
Middle East,

'cause I can fix anything.

Connor's the... not full sibling
of the other three kids.

He's from Logan's
first marriage,

and he's always been
slightly dismissed.

What would you think
about me taking over

the London foundation?

Let's see how tonight goes, huh?

Yeah.

When he does get offered
a little bit of capital

in the family by being invited
to run this charity ball,

he grabs that with both hands
and dives in.

Forks are to be placed thusly.

This is how they do it
at a Dakota dude ranch.

This is how we do it
at the RECNY Ball.

Now, please go check
every other fork.

What happened in episode 104 is
that's the kind of thing

that would have fallen
to Marcia, and she's so busy

with helping Dad rehabilitate.

I think they just called up
and they said,

"Look, would you
take care of this?"

'Cause the other kids
aren't going to do it.

Now why is everyone standing
on this side of the room?

Willa, let's lead them
like sheep.

Go around this way
and corral them,

corral them this way.

Connor excels in a situation

that he never thought
he'd excel in.

I just wanna say,
if you're having trouble

getting a drink over there,
identical bar over here.

BRIAN COX: And it kind of
liberates Connor in a way,

because he's never gone
into that world,

so he found a way in
from being the party organizer.

The butter's too cold!
The butter is too cold!

-There's dinner rolls
ripping out there as we speak!
-Connor!

COX: Hero Kendall, he thinks
this is his moment,

'cause he thinks the father
is gonna retire.

-Who's in charge right now?
-Me.

And at the RECNY Ball,
I've been asked

to make the speech,
which is kind of a huge honor,

and a bit of a right of passage.

You're aware
of Kendall announcing

your retirement this evening?

Dad has a fear
of not being in control

when there's a lot of power
and a lot of money involved.

There's been a change of plan.

Kendall is not speaking. I am.

JEREMY STRONG:
My father blindsides me,

makes the speech
without telling me,

and then announces that
he's actually not retiring.

I'm officially announcing
I'm back.

-(CROWD APPLAUDS)
-Better than ever!

STRONG: Once again, he cuts
my legs out from under me.

There's only so much of that
I think a person can take.