Original subtitles

Ta-da!

FAIRY GASPS AND SQUEALS

ECHOING SQUEALING

Nah, that's a dead end.

Oh, come on, Shrek, who needs a map when you've got animal instinct?

Ah-ah-AH...!

- AH-TCHOO! - D'oh!

Darn bugs!

- Stupid... - Uh-oh!

- Come on, ya...! - Shrek, a little help here!

Where are ye...?

Oh, I say we take the turn at 305 and get off at Fairytale Forest.

What are you talking about?

Or we could fly there!

Is there an off button on you?

AH-TCHOO!

- FIONA SNIFFLES AND CRIES - Aw, what's wrong, Princess?

You shouldn't be this unhappy until years into the marriage.

It's the happiest... SHE SNIFFS

- ..day of my life. - Let me guess.

- It's just... - You're overwhelmed by love!

No!

I mean, yes.

- That's why I... - The shrimp batter was bad?

- No, Donkey! I'm just... - Wait! Wait! I got it!

I got it! You always wanted a puppy, but all you got was toasters!

No, I'm sitting in an onion!

This carriage is one big onion.

Oh! Why didn't you say so?

I'll turn on the air.

FIONA EXHALES

- Much better. - Noble steed at your service.

Would you look at that! Donkey!

I found a shortcut.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Are you crazy?!

- Jiminy! That's a big one. - Argh! What?! Hey, man, I hate spiders!

DONKEY BLOWS FRANTICALLY

Stop that! Argh! Where'd he go?!

ARGH! ARGH!

SHREK CHUCKLES AND DONKEY YELPS

You are too easy to scare. Come on.

That forest could be hexed by anything!

Uh-uh. I ain't going in there.

Listen, I'm an ogre - I'm the one that does the scaring.

What is there to be scared of?

- THUNDER CRASHES - That!

Thelonious!

- Hey! What are you doing?! - Sorry, Princess, honeymoon's over!

Wah-yah!

Hee-hee-hee.

- Let go! - Argh, Shrek!

- Fiona! - Shrek!

- Fiona! - Let me go!

- To the carriage! - Shre-ek!

We've got a donkey driving a carriage made from an onion.

It's dark and our horses are wearing sunglasses.

- Cut to the chase, Donkey, just cut to the chase! - Hit it, boys!

Yee-ha!

- Fiona! - HIGH-PITCHED: Shrek!

BIRD SQUAWKS

Oh! Argh!

He-e-elp!

All done.

No! No!

No! Whoa!

No!

That was close!

Aw, now that's sweet.

- Shrek. Shrek! - Watch out!

Whoa!

Brb-brb-brb!

- Liquorice? - Oh...

Hey, Shrek!

I hope you're insured!

That house cost me a lot of dough-ough-ough!

Whoa!!!

- Is there a doctor in the house? - Sorry about that, Ginge!

That's close.

Whoa!

FIONA YELPS AND HOLLERS

BOTH: Oh, no!

BOTH: Whoa-argh!

I can see! I can see!

Oh!

Oh, never mind.

Fiona!

ECHOING AND DISTANT HOWLING

Shrek, uh, this isn't another one of those shortcuts, is it?

Just get a move on.

- OK. I'm not afraid. - Urgh.

- Fiona! - I can do this.

I'm a noble steed.

It's all right, it's just a park with no children and no playground.

Argh! Shrek! Shrek!

I feel dead people.

Uh...

Are you getting the willies?

The trembles, the shakes, the heebie-jeebies?

Stop messing with me, Shrek!

This place is already creeping me out.

Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of ghosts.

- I'm not afraid. - SHREK CHUCKLES

- GOOD! - Uh!

What a crack up!

Shrek! Shrek, wait up!

DISTANT HOWLING

Talk about rewriting history...

GHOSTLY ROARING

Well, looks like Farquaad's still trying to compensate for something.

I wonder what that could be.

I don't know, this is just plain freaky.

I wonder if he's behind all this.

That's just crazy talk!

GHOSTLY CACKLING

Sh!

DONKEY GASPS

Now I'm seeing things!

Can we get out of here, please?

Sure, of course!

Now, you wouldn't happen to have

another carriage in your pocket, would you?

Donkeys don't HAVE pockets!

But some of us do have wings!

HE WHISTLES

WHISTLE ECHOES

CRUMBLING AND GROWLING

- ROARING - Uh-oh, wrong dragon!

Wrong whistle!

FIENDISH CACKLING

Farquaad!

What have you done with my wife?!

Your wife? Don't you mean your widow?

I know I seen you die in the first movie!

You fools!

This time it's your turn to be the entree!

OK, my sweet, take care of them!

Bon appetit! HE CACKLES

- DONKEY WHISTLES - Will you stop that!

DONKEY CONTINUES WHISTLING

Shut it!

- BOTH: Argh! - You can go first!

I'll be the dessert!

Oh, great(!)

Whoo!

That's my girl!

DRAGON ROARS

Hey, baby, I was hoping you'd show up!

- Princess at three o'clock! - Help!

- Hey, Princess! - Fiona!

THEY SCREAM

Whoa!

BOTH: Whoa-oa!

Waaaaargh!

SHREK BREAKS WIND AND DRAGON GRUNTS

Oops! Sorry!

- Whoa! - I'm coming in!

- Dive! Dive! - Dive! Dive! Dive!

This is Red Dragon. We're going in.

Whoo!

DRAGON ROARS

Evasive action!

Lock and load!

Whoo-hoo!

Still...

Still!

Fire now!

Attack wings, now!

Turn and burn!

Whoo-hoo!

Ha-ha, like I always say -

behind every successful donkey,

there's a fire-breathing dragon.

FARQUAAD CACKLES

You might as well stop struggling, Princess.

Soon, you and I will be together for ever.

With you as my spirit queen,

I'll be king of the underworld!

Over my dead body!

Exactly!

Over she goes, Thelonious.

HE CACKLES

- Thelonious?! - Sorry, Princess.

No! Nitwit!

- Not with you on it! - Huh?

FIONA GRUNTS AND GROANS

THELONIOUS GROANS LOUDLY

Oh!

Sorry, Thelonious!

Never mind him.

See you on the other side, Princess.

Never!

Stop playing hard to get!

- Stop it! - You know I'm irresistible.

- Ah! - Fiona!

Shrek!

Impossible! I thought they were dragon food!

We'll save you!

- Are you OK? - I think so.

FARQUAAD LAUGHS FIENDISHLY

I don't think so!

ALL: Whoa-oa-oa!

Splendid!

They all fall for me sooner or later.

THEY SCREAM

Cut!

Uh-oh!

SHREK GROANS AND STRAINS

ALL: ARGH!

Fiona!

- Yes? - My short, furry life is flashing before my eyes!

- I love you! - I love you too!

THEY SHRIEK

- Ha-ha! - Whoo!

Yee-ha!

FARQUAAD CONTINUES LAUGHING

Fiona? My ghostly queen?

Where are you?

Right over here, sweetie.

Oh, my angel!

Oh, no! Not again!

- We've got a loaded dragon here... - ..and we're not afraid to use it.

Oh, it was just a joke! Stay away from me!

Fire!

Noooooo!

MULTIPLE VOICES WAIL

DRAGON SNORTS

Thanks, Dragon.

And thank you, Donkey.

You truly are a noble steed.

Look at you, Donkey, all covered in fur - I love ye!

- Shucks! - Oh!

I'm think I'm going to cry.

Come on, baby, let's go home.

Let's go home and make some waffles!

Waffles?

It's a long story...

Ah, finally, we're alone.

SMOOCHING

VARIOUS VOICES: Awww!

What are you doing?!

Uh, nothing?

Ai-ai-ai-ai...

Let the honeymoon begin!

CHEERING

FAIRY YELPS