Original subtitles

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Hocus Pocus (Ren Xia Kui) [1984]

You did a great job

Have a seat

Please sit down

All right

That was a great

performance tonight

Thank you

Here are your fees

As we agreed

Thank you

Here is an extra bonus

Thank you

Don't mention it

We're out

in the wilderness

lt's so nice of you to come

lt's our pleasure

lt's late

Good night

Good night

Watch your steps

l will

Good night

You want some tea?

No thanks

You'd better go to bed

Good night

Good night

Those were ghosts

That was what happened

So you run

into ghosts often

Watch your mouth

Ghosts should not

be joked about

ln our business of Chinese opera

We play ghosts very often

We should respect them

Forgive us if we disturb you

Watch out for things

You're that superstitious?

l grew up

with these things

l don't believe in ghosts

That wasn't done by a ghost

You hit me first

l was just getting even

Stop fooling around

You newcomers have bad temper

Your master

travels first class

Be quiet or l'll kill you

l'll get it

Don't bother, l was only joking

This is your bed

lt's the worst one

Can we change beds?

No way

l hate mosquitoes

Who doesn't?

You're not a star

Don't try to

be fussy

ls that it?

Yes

The moon will shine over here

Piao, you're doomed

What do you mean?

Whatever that means

Don't tell stories

l'm telling you facts

What facts?

Have you read the Night Guide?

No

lt says

your bed's position is doomed

l'd better

not say anymore

What should l do then?

Anything at all?

What year were you born?

Tiger

Really

Yes

Light from the window shines on your bed

Do you know what that means?

No

You may run into ghosts

You'd better sleep under the bed

l'd better make my bed

Why sleep under the bed?

What year were you born?

Dragon

Then you're resistant to dark forces

So they say

Can you change bed with me?

Of course not

Help me out please

l don't want to move my things around

l'm too tired

l'll move them for you

l'll owe you one

Did you lie down

on that bed?

Just for a second

You'd better leave a red packet

To stop any dark forces

that follow you

Sure

Thank you

You fooled him, Kuei

Don't tell him

May be this bed

is really doomed

Go to hell

l'm so happy with this bed

What's up?

Call of nature

This time of the night?

l'm scared to go alone

You're such a coward

What's there to be afraid of?

Ghosts, devils,

monsters...

All right, l'll go with you

So gutless

Excuse me please

l thought you

wanted me here

l was talking to them

Them?

You believe in ghosts?

Yes

l'll urinate over that grave

Don't do that

Sorry about that

How was it?

lt was awful

Run What's wrong?

Ghosts!

Why did you say it's awful?

l didn't say anything

Really?

No

lt wasn't me

Ghosts!

What's up?

Having fun

l'm not afraid

of ghosts

Do you run into ghosts often?

Yes

How can you tell?

l have two eyes

So do l

Mine are different than yours

l have ''Good-Bad'' eyes

What?

Left is good Right is Bad

Stare and l will see

l was born with such eyes

Do ghosts look scare?

Only if you're afraid of them

You have no reason to

Why?

Our bodies have three flames

Over our heads and two shoulders

Ghosts are afraid of these flames

As long as the flames are burning

You're safe

Do you tremble when you urinate?

Yes

And you?

Yes

That has nothing to do with ghosts

Thank God

Ghosts can possess a man

Not any man though

They only pick bad guys

Like murderers, rapists, traitors

lf you aren't bad

You shouldn't be afraid of ghosts

Open up, it's Piao

Let me in

l told you

you shouldn't be afraid

Open up

Did you run into ghosts?

How do you know?

l'm an expert

in these things

What really happened?

We passed by a grave

He urinated over it

Oh, my God

l didn't mean to

insult anyone

Evil things would flow back with the urine

And you know where to, don't you?

Feel anything?

A bit itchy

Don't bother to get married

You mean...

You'll be impotent

ls there any remedy?

You're such an expert,

help him out

Right

You'd better do some offerings

And pray he's not a bad ghost

Can you come with me?

You have to go by yourself

ln order to show

you're sincere

l'll go at dawn then

That would be too late

l...

You really have no choice

You have to go now

You're right, l'll go now

Offer the ghost

a lot of food

Yes

We have a dinner show tonight

You were putting him on?

Just for his peace of mind

Piao, show us the way

This is better

Please forgive me

l didn't mean it

You did it on purpose

No, l was just naughty

So you're a naughty boy

Can you do somersaults?

Yes, l'll show you

That's it

Do you know what mud tastes like?

No

Try it and you'll know

Try the mud you urinated over

How is it?

Awful

Behave yourself from now on

Such a wonderful snack

Thanks to your plan

Let's thank him

Thank you

You bastards

Let's go home

Don't blame us, blame him

lt's all your fault

Don't you dare

ruining my home

Bless us please

Let our show have a good run

Enlighten us

Let us see through shams

Guide us

Lead us away from trouble

Life is just like a show

All ups and downs

They, like dreams, come and go

Chia, perform the rite

Good luck to us all

Get to work

l am

a wandering ghost

Bad ghosts bully me all the time

Come over here

That ghost

is really bad

What can l do for you?

Do you see this mess?

l didn't do it

We are the only ones here though

Someone...

You deserve

to be punished

You asked for it

l can't stand it any longer

l'd better get back to earth

Hold everything please

l have to remind you again

We can't talk

during the ceremony

We can't even cough

l've been eating too well recently

You fool around with women too much

That's none of your business

Not anyone can have that privilege

One has to have money

Which you don't have

That has always

puzzled me

Now l understand

As my buddy

you should be helping me

Not teasing me

lt's all your fault

You shouldn't have messed with bullies

Get to work

This place smells evil

''Hold your anger please''

''Let me tell you what happened''

''Mr. Justice, Mr. Justice''

''You who enforces order''

''Listen to me please''

l'm afraid of the dark

Are you all right?

lt's you guys

He's drunk

l heard you got him drunk

He really is dead drunk

Kuei, tomorrow is a big night

for you

Go home and sleep

Go

Yes

Come on

l could have danced all night

l could have danced all night

And still l beg for more

That was gorgeous lady

What made that happen?

Why can't l see myself in the mirror?

Don't fall apart

Pull tight

Now

Come back up, l need you

My head

Come out

lt's getting out of control

Tidy up first

Let's go

Hurry!

Hurry!

Uncle Sheng

What are you doing?

Going to the bathroom

Going to the bathroom

So am l

Did you scare Chia last night?

We scared the hell

out of him

He passed out

Why didn't you let me know?

You were dead drunk

Let's do it

again tonight

To do it once is smart

Twice is stupid

You made a fool

out of me

Don't be a liar

l have to run

You were

the mastermind

Hold it, Chia

Listen to me

Like hell l will

Stop it!

l wasn't involved

Run!

Stop fighting

My patience is running out

That's your problem

ldiot!

Hold it!

Stop fighting

Don't just hold me

Hold him, you fool

Stop fighting

Freeze!

Freeze!

You ruined

my place

Come with me

Pay the damages

Are you out of your mind?

Tonight is our opening night

Uncle Sheng...

Go home

l'm still in shock

l can't act

when l'm in shock

You're supposed

to be their guardian

Chia is real mad

lt's all your fault

Go apologize to Chia

So out of line

Apologize to Chia

Don't bother

Next time

they may not just scare me

They may try to kill me

l'd better go away

Do me a favour, Chia

Apologize to Chia

We're sorry!

See. Forgive them, Chia

Just remember

one thing

l always get even

All right, get to work

That Chia is a proud bastard

Hurry, you're up next

Can you rehearse

with Kuei?

What?

Kuei doesn't

need any rehearsal

This is a new role

for him

He needs to block it out

That is his problem

One shouldn't bite

what one can't chew

l'm sorry

Are you blind?

Hurry up, you're up next

You too, hurry

Yes!

You should have done this often enough

That's really stupid

That's strange

Why did you hit me?

You kissed me

No, l didn't!

Was it a ghost then?

l know you'll deny it

What do you mean?

Dirty old man

Don't mess up the backstage

Excuse me, excuse me!

What's the rush?

Call of nature

l need to use the bathroom

Nice

Wonderful

Who's that?

You Peeping Tom

Calm down

Kuei, you're up!

Yes

Let me enjoy the show

ls it Hsi upstairs?

Yes

ls it Wu downstairs?

Yes. l'm coming up

Great

Kuei is really at it

Chia's mind is somewhere else

We'll be up soon

How did that happen?

Who tripped you?

l'll kill you!

Duck

Duck

l...

What are you doing?

l don't know

Great

The drum is beating

When did he learn to do that?

You're stealing my show

Are you out of your mind?

No

Get it over with

l don't understand

My arm...

Kill me No

Why not?

We have to end the show

That's easy!

l'll see you later!

Damn

Chia, just now...

What?

Chia

What's wrong?

Calm down please

Ask him

if he knows his part

l don't know how it happened

He was improvising selfishly

You have ruined my reputation

This must be a misunderstanding

Only you would hire him

Uncle Sheng, my wardrobe

lt's all my fault

Selection One

Don't

be depressed

Come, drink some wine

l'm not depressed

How else can one eat noodles?

Like this?

What's so funny?

Look at his way

of eating noodles

The check please

Eat

Cheers

Drink too much

and you'll be like me

Hello, up there

Your turn will come

Don't make fun

of old people

Make fun of mean bastards,

like what Kuei did

Actually...

Actually it was fun

You dared to

make fun of a star

You don't understand

Kuei is a star too

We should teach that man a lesson

l'll do it

sooner or later

Have you forgotten

last time?

Get off my case

Can l talk now?

Since you liked

what l did tonight

Oh, my God

What's wrong?

Problem?

Forget your purse?

He uses that trick everytime

This time is not a trick

Then you were cheating us

l did it once

in a while

l've to tidy up the backstage

Cheap fellow

Let's scare him

Good

Like last time?

Yes

The check please

l'd better enjoy myself

Hurry!

Someone's coming!

Do you think he's back yet?

No

He's such a slow person

Should we do

what we did to Chia?

That's not necessary

Let's make ourselves

up as ghosts

Get to work right away

Great

l'm going

to join them

What are you doing?

Make yourself up

as a ghost

We'll follow

him around

What about me?

lmprovise

That won't scare him

You said

follow him around

You have to let him see you

We didn't scare him

He did it on his own

1 , 2, 3, 4. Who is he?

lt's me

To bad!

You were fooling around

with women

l was only playing cards

With three women?

Women play

cards too

Did you win?

No

You weren't paying attention

to your cards

Of course l was

l bet you

were hugging those women

Don't be ridiculous

Ghosts

Ghosts

Why are we running away?

Someone saw some ghosts

They thought

we're ghosts

Take off you clothes now and pick bill back

A ghost may have ruined our show tonight

Checkmate

l think Kuei did it on purpose

Watch this

You'd better get some sleep

Let's call it a draw

A draw?

lt is going

to be a draw anyway

You should have a word

with Kuei

l don't want another sabotage

Did you run into ghosts?

How do you know?

Look how drunk you are

No, we didn't...

Kuei, go to bed

l'll talk to them

Spare me

We did run into a ghost

That's right

Let's wake Piao up first

From what you told me...

Kuei, offer some incense

Yes

Bless us

Ghost is the soul of a dead person

Which is supposed

to disintegrate upon death

Ghosts retain

their human nature

They won't hurt us then

That ghost didn't hurt you,

did he?

So he must not

be a bad ghost

Are there good and bad ghosts?

Just like there are good and bad men

Good men become good ghosts

after death

Piao will become a horny ghost

What about you?

l won't die yet

You'll be an old ghost

You'd better go to bed

l'm really scared now

Don't let any ghosts follow you

Good night, Uncle Sheng

Wait for me

l'm a wandering ghost

Don't forget to iron my wardrobe

Don't worry, get some sleep

Don't forget

Don't forget to iron my wardrobe

You'll pay for messing up my chance

Who hit me?

What's going on?

A drunk stool?

Naughty

Must be those idiots again

Another joke?

l'll let you

see me

l'm not afraid

Stop playing games

Who are you?

A ghost

A real one?

A poltergeist

l'm an exorcist

l'm not drunk at all

l'll mess up

his wardrobe chest

Who messed up my chest?

Speak up

A ghost

lt's Kuei again!

l did it

Don't be scared so easily

Ghosts don't come out in daytime

You can go

by yourself

Wait!

What's the matter?

l don't want to go

inside the theatre

Are you sure?

Positive

Ghosts go

wherever is crowded

Wait for me

Hi, Chia

Go to hell

Hold it

What's wrong with him?

What's the problem?

You bastard

You played ghost...

You were having fun

What are you doing?

You messed up

my wardrobe chest

Of course

l didn't

Ghost

My bird saw you played ghost

You're both liars

Chia, don't!

Get away from me

You dared to mess up my chest

Shame on your teacher

What's wrong?

Don't you dare

criticizing my teacher

Hold it

You dared to hit me?

Let go of me

Let go of me

You fooled around

with women too much

Something's wrong

What?

Chia

Kuei, what happened?

What happened to him?

He...

Well?

Help him up

Help him up

Chia

Leave me alone

l don't need your help

What's going on?

How do l know?

Behold my enemies

l'm going

to kill you all

l...

He's possessed

Get a baby here!

Come down

l can do stunts

Accident

What are you looking at?

Chia

My father has a beard

You are so pretty

Falling petals shadow the moon

Solemn is my offering of wine

Chia

What are you staring at?

l'll kill myself!

Grab him

Let go

Grab him

The baby is here

Let go of me

lt's dirty

l can't stand that

What's going on?

He was possessed

Help him to his room

Kuei, go get Mr Sang

Yes

What do you think?

Should we hire

some exorcists?

l don't think so

Exorcists are bad for actors

l have another plan

We'll cancel the show tonight

l'll go arrange that

Good!

Let me tell you what to do tonight

Court

That's not like Uncle Sheng at all

He's a good actor too

l represent justice

Both on earth and in hell

Guards

Yes

Be cool

Find out

lf any ghost

have any claims

Yes, sir

Do any ghosts have any claims?

lt's curtain time

Have some guts

l wish l could

Dead men turn into ghosts

But they shouldn't come back to earth

That's not right

l'm going

to use my sword

To drive ghosts back to hell

Bring my sword

Ghosts, show yourselves

Be quiet

Mr Justice

Who's that?

Show yourself

Yes, sir

Close your eyes

What's your problem?

l was slashed

to death

The murderer was caught

and executed

These happened 300 years ago

Then what's your problem?

But l've become

a wandering ghost

Please collect my bones and bury them

To make way for my reincarnation

All right, l'll help you

Thank you

Listen

Don't come to earth again

Or l'll terminate you

l'm not an ungrateful ghost

That's good

Tell us

where your bones are

They are underneath the stage

But there are two...

Two what?

Nobody told me

the show was cancelled

Why are you in wardrobe?

Chia

Aren't you Uncle Sheng?

You must be crazy about acting

Listen to me

What?

Why are you

yelling at me?

You are wearing my wardrobe Take it off

Don't be an

elegant bastard

You were possessed

That shows ghosts dislike you

Nonsense

Not at all

You were possessed today

We all felt sorry

for you

So we decided to tame the ghost

So that you can be saved

You're such an ungrateful person

The ghost made a fool of you today

He also messed up your chest

You've known me

long enough

Have l ever lied?

Forgive me. Uncle Sheng

l'm glad you understand

What should we do now?

The ghost's bones are right underneath

Let's start digging

Come over here

What's up?

The bones are here, be careful

Be easy with the bones

We've had found all the bones

Bury them in a nice place

Yes

We've buried your bones

You won't be wandering anymore

Bless us and our show

l've brought you

some food

l hope you'll like it

l'm sure he'll like it

Offer some incense

He looks very sincere

He's afraid of being possessed again

Ghosts don't give up that easily

Good luck

to your reincarnation

You can help him

Let him reincarnate

as your son

Don't be nasty, Piao

Let me help you, Chia

Dear ghost

Chia is a very good teacher

You should come study with him

All right, let's go home

Come on

l want to apologize

for my past behavior

Let bygone be bygone

He wants to be our friend

He won't offer

to shake our hands

l was wrong before

l'm sorry

All right?

Thank you

Hold this, Chia

Let's go

l'll buy you dinner

Don't go overboard

Hurry

Such a big occasion

Thank you for all your help

Are the vegetables ready?

Yes

l didn't know

you're a good cook

Get on with the work

Wash the dishes

Yes

Are you nuts?

You hit me

Can l be of any help?

That's strange, Kuei

A star helping out

in the kitchen

Stop teasing me

Help me to kill this thing

This?

Right

Don't move

Hold it, l'll pluck it out

Where should l hold it?

Right here

She's very good at it

Pluck it out

That's it

Chop it off

That would be very bloody

That's the only way to do it

Chop it off

For real?

Do it

Please sit down

Make yourselves at home

Enjoy the meal

Cheers

Attention please

We're not working tonight

So don't worry about getting drunk

Have some more

No, thanks

This fish smells delicious

lt is delicious

Where's our leading lady

She's preparing the soup

Cheers, Uncle Sheng

Thanks to Uncle Sheng the exorcist

You helped out too

You can relax

Do you know what you looked like?

No, l don't!

l'll show you

You were like this

How am l doing?

Knock it off, come and eat

Come back

What happened?

Don't tire yourself

Have some fish

Don't shake the table

Do you need some help?

He's dead

He's dead

Calm down

Calm down

Spread out

Run!

Are you all right?

l'm fine

Spread out quickly

Run!

Run, Uncle Sheng

Hurry, run

You stupid ghost

Don't

Where's Kuei?

Bad ghost

Easy

Hang on

My leg

Where did you go?

l smashed every bone

of that ghost's

Why did you do that?

He's ungrateful

and he almost killed us

You were nice to him

But obviously

he's a bad ghost

l don't think he did it

Who else?

Show yourself if you have guts

l want to drive you to hell

Move over

l smashed your bones. So?

You're a bad ghost

You're ungrateful

Calm down

l'm not

an ungrateful ghost

l resent that

very much

But you are ungrateful

You didn't

dig my bones out

You really are unreasonable

Whose bones were those then?

You begged us

to bury your bones

That's right

Your bones were beneath the stage

But there were two sets of bones

Two sets?

Right

We dug out the wrong set

That's why he's mad at you

Will he come again?

Yes, to kill you

He's brought hell to us already

But Kuei smashed

his bones

He has to come

for revenge

What can we do?

l don't know

He'll come tonight

l've to run

Good luck

Don't leave us

lt's all my fault

lt's fate

What should we do?

Come

Get some dog blood and nets

Stain the nets with the blood

Spread the nets around the theatre

Then splash the floor

with dog blood

When the ghost

falls into a net

Open up the roof and let sunlight in

We'll play exorcists

Blood nets?

An exorcist

Scared?

Bring the wine

Splash him with blood

Attack him

You're dead

Nets

Bring the dog blood

Don't just stand there

Put it out

Uncle Sheng

Be careful

Are you all right?

Thanks to our guardian angel