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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:22,953 --> 00:00:25,742 Some people use it, like, to settle their stomach. If you... 2 00:00:25,767 --> 00:00:27,937 Happy Father's Day, mothers! 3 00:00:27,962 --> 00:00:29,639 - Hey. - Hi, hi, hi. 4 00:00:29,664 --> 00:00:31,701 - Oh, you made bruschetta? - Hi, lovely. 5 00:00:31,726 --> 00:00:34,171 - I'm making bruschetta. - Oh, hey there, Sunny. 6 00:00:34,196 --> 00:00:36,476 My ex is with Hiya's ex. This is Hiya. 7 00:00:36,501 --> 00:00:37,594 - Oh, hi. - Uh, Chaya. 8 00:00:37,618 --> 00:00:39,343 - Chaya. - Hiya. 9 00:00:39,368 --> 00:00:41,288 Chaya. It's a hard C-H. 10 00:00:41,313 --> 00:00:42,515 Hard. Like, uh, 11 00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:45,234 challah French toast. Chaya. 12 00:00:45,259 --> 00:00:46,827 Hiya. 13 00:00:47,309 --> 00:00:49,093 I can't with these shiksas. 14 00:00:49,118 --> 00:00:51,140 Hiya just got separated, too. 15 00:00:51,165 --> 00:00:53,296 - Our husbands work together. - Ex-husbands. 16 00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:55,429 - Ex-husband. Get used to saying it. - No. 17 00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:56,546 I'm not saying it. 18 00:00:56,571 --> 00:00:58,828 He's just having a moment. He's coming back. 19 00:00:58,853 --> 00:01:00,289 I got to believe he's coming back. 20 00:01:00,314 --> 00:01:01,906 That's what I thought in the beginning. 21 00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:02,931 - Ha! - Okay, 22 00:01:02,956 --> 00:01:05,124 - just reminding everyone. - Yeah, right. Exactly. 23 00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,531 Lesbian. Single mom. 24 00:01:07,556 --> 00:01:09,437 Every mom is a single mom. 25 00:01:09,462 --> 00:01:11,773 No, no. Real single mom, 26 00:01:11,798 --> 00:01:13,531 not divorced single mom. 27 00:01:13,556 --> 00:01:15,681 Stop bragging. 28 00:01:16,181 --> 00:01:17,583 So, where are your kids? 29 00:01:17,608 --> 00:01:19,288 - Jeff took them camping. - Mmm. 30 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:23,757 His mantra is to be the best dad and ex-husband 31 00:01:23,782 --> 00:01:25,367 he possibly can be. 32 00:01:25,392 --> 00:01:27,294 That's so annoying. 33 00:01:28,136 --> 00:01:29,867 Wait, why? 34 00:01:30,311 --> 00:01:32,920 Why? Why? 35 00:01:33,515 --> 00:01:36,598 Because of the years. 36 00:01:36,623 --> 00:01:38,718 Do you know how many years we spent 37 00:01:38,743 --> 00:01:40,374 sitting at the kitchen table 38 00:01:40,399 --> 00:01:42,460 with you crying over him 39 00:01:42,485 --> 00:01:44,828 and me begging for you to leave him? 40 00:01:45,482 --> 00:01:47,187 Five years. 41 00:01:47,212 --> 00:01:48,492 Five. 42 00:01:48,517 --> 00:01:49,859 Five years. 43 00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:51,718 You were tortured, and now that 44 00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:54,406 he's not your problem anymore, he's amazing. 45 00:01:54,752 --> 00:01:56,757 I know. It's crazy, 46 00:01:56,782 --> 00:01:59,249 but we're really happier 47 00:01:59,274 --> 00:02:01,937 than we ever have been, and we're working on being 48 00:02:01,962 --> 00:02:04,062 the best exes we can be to each other. 49 00:02:04,087 --> 00:02:06,632 - Why is that...? - That's-that's great. 50 00:02:06,657 --> 00:02:08,499 Good for you, I guess. I just... 51 00:02:08,524 --> 00:02:12,538 I just can't ever do something like that. 52 00:02:12,563 --> 00:02:14,156 That's not... 53 00:02:14,751 --> 00:02:16,679 That's big. 54 00:02:19,049 --> 00:02:20,703 Oh. 55 00:02:21,844 --> 00:02:25,031 This is happening because of you. 56 00:02:25,519 --> 00:02:27,921 You got me through the dark days. 57 00:02:28,392 --> 00:02:30,453 Oh, man. 58 00:02:31,268 --> 00:02:32,742 It's my job. 59 00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:34,503 Don't forget, okay? 60 00:02:34,528 --> 00:02:36,429 Never forget. 61 00:02:36,636 --> 00:02:39,538 Damn. I wanted to be like Jennifer Garner. 62 00:02:39,563 --> 00:02:42,062 She's the number one best ex-wife in the world. 63 00:02:42,087 --> 00:02:44,601 She's so pretty. She cooks. 64 00:02:44,626 --> 00:02:47,203 - You cook. - How does she get over it? 65 00:02:47,228 --> 00:02:49,734 He shtups the nanny, he breaks his sobriety, 66 00:02:49,759 --> 00:02:52,382 she jumps in the car, she drives him to rehab, 67 00:02:52,407 --> 00:02:55,460 and now they all go on vacations together with the kids. 68 00:02:55,937 --> 00:02:57,351 I'm gonna be sick. 69 00:02:57,376 --> 00:03:00,460 And she composts and makes her own honey 70 00:03:00,485 --> 00:03:02,453 and probably mead and... 71 00:03:02,478 --> 00:03:03,874 I love her hair. 72 00:03:05,273 --> 00:03:10,273 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 73 00:03:11,643 --> 00:03:14,515 We were having a honeymoon of a divorce. 74 00:03:16,066 --> 00:03:17,156 We were gonna handle 75 00:03:17,181 --> 00:03:19,062 the whole thing ourselves on the Internet. 76 00:03:19,087 --> 00:03:21,047 - Okay. This is mediators. - Mediators. But I'm gonna... 77 00:03:21,071 --> 00:03:24,610 - But we-we can do it online. - Mediators are here. Lawyers... Yeah. 78 00:03:24,635 --> 00:03:26,406 What are we gonna do with our rings? 79 00:03:26,627 --> 00:03:28,150 - I guess I never got that far. - Hock them. 80 00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:29,735 We can hock them, yeah. 81 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,188 We were gonna live, like, on a compound 82 00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:34,500 and raise the girls together. 83 00:03:35,464 --> 00:03:37,742 Then his mother got into his head. 84 00:03:42,443 --> 00:03:44,196 He's ready for you. 85 00:03:52,804 --> 00:03:54,331 So, 86 00:03:54,356 --> 00:03:56,571 you're LeBron, and this is the key. 87 00:03:56,596 --> 00:03:58,228 But you can't get through, you can't get through. 88 00:03:58,252 --> 00:03:59,946 So what do you do? 89 00:04:00,693 --> 00:04:02,862 Basketball not your sport? 90 00:04:03,699 --> 00:04:06,649 How's this? Divorce... 91 00:04:06,937 --> 00:04:08,650 is like hockey. 92 00:04:08,675 --> 00:04:11,352 You have face-offs and fights, 93 00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:13,211 goals, heroes, villains. 94 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:16,031 But the kids are the puck. 95 00:04:16,266 --> 00:04:18,375 Can we do soccer? 96 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,156 I don't know soccer. 97 00:04:20,688 --> 00:04:22,250 Let me make this easy. 98 00:04:22,275 --> 00:04:24,533 You make more money than he does. 99 00:04:24,558 --> 00:04:25,805 So? 100 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:30,461 So, in the words of the immortal Jim Morrison, 101 00:04:30,486 --> 00:04:32,922 come on, baby, settle. 102 00:04:32,947 --> 00:04:34,549 Let's settle. 103 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,867 And I've been paying ever since. 104 00:04:47,649 --> 00:04:49,781 Did I tell you that Tom 105 00:04:49,806 --> 00:04:52,344 now refers to his 25-year-old girlfriend 106 00:04:52,369 --> 00:04:54,539 - as his soul mate? - Ew. 107 00:04:54,564 --> 00:04:55,666 How fun is that. 108 00:04:55,691 --> 00:04:57,953 So, when he was 30, a baby was born 109 00:04:57,978 --> 00:05:00,399 with part of his soul, and now he has sex with it? 110 00:05:00,424 --> 00:05:01,977 Yeah. 111 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,737 Someone please tell me why the hell 112 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,008 she'd want to be with him. 113 00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:06,586 He has a cyst on his left testicle 114 00:05:06,611 --> 00:05:07,746 that swells in the heat. 115 00:05:07,771 --> 00:05:09,297 He has to constantly ice 116 00:05:09,322 --> 00:05:10,985 his old balls in the summer. 117 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,609 - No! - I'm eating. 118 00:05:13,634 --> 00:05:16,867 I cannot wait till he has his second family after 60. 119 00:05:16,892 --> 00:05:19,516 I hope they're twins, and I hope that maybe 120 00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:21,703 coaching all their sports and shit will kill him. 121 00:05:21,728 --> 00:05:22,742 Baruch Hashem. 122 00:05:22,767 --> 00:05:24,211 - Baruch Hashem. - Baruch Hashem. 123 00:05:25,635 --> 00:05:27,165 - Baruch Hashem. - Cheers to that. 124 00:05:27,189 --> 00:05:28,946 Least you know why he left. 125 00:05:29,107 --> 00:05:32,078 Yeah, Richard swears up and down it's not another woman. 126 00:05:32,862 --> 00:05:35,289 I don't even understand what happened. 127 00:05:35,314 --> 00:05:37,375 I thought we were happy. 128 00:05:40,313 --> 00:05:41,571 And I don't know how 129 00:05:41,596 --> 00:05:44,141 - I'm gonna live without him. - Oh, baby. 130 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:45,953 Oh, man. 131 00:05:46,217 --> 00:05:48,500 Okay. Circle. 132 00:05:48,525 --> 00:05:49,977 Do you want a Xanax? 133 00:05:50,002 --> 00:05:51,404 Yes, I do. 134 00:05:51,429 --> 00:05:53,602 - How many? - Three. 135 00:05:53,627 --> 00:05:55,117 - Good. - Is that all? 136 00:05:57,736 --> 00:05:59,883 The doctor is in. 137 00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:03,766 Widows are so lucky. 138 00:06:03,791 --> 00:06:04,836 Sam. 139 00:06:04,861 --> 00:06:07,383 - I'm just saying. - We don't all hate them. Stop. 140 00:06:07,622 --> 00:06:08,797 What? 141 00:06:08,822 --> 00:06:10,924 You know, Ari wasn't perfect. 142 00:06:10,949 --> 00:06:13,016 And to be fair, 143 00:06:13,275 --> 00:06:15,509 I was the one who cheated on him. 144 00:06:16,291 --> 00:06:19,914 Thank God we ended it before it went too far south. 145 00:06:20,334 --> 00:06:23,813 Did you know the whole time 146 00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:25,758 that he was gay? 147 00:06:26,498 --> 00:06:28,266 Gay? 148 00:06:29,616 --> 00:06:31,610 Ari's not gay. 149 00:06:31,635 --> 00:06:33,638 No, I know. 150 00:06:36,203 --> 00:06:37,649 This kills me. 151 00:06:37,674 --> 00:06:39,275 I got to tell you this before he gets here. 152 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,438 Tom wants to know what brand of sheets I buy. 153 00:06:41,463 --> 00:06:42,899 - What? - This dude. 154 00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,665 Does he want me to, like, put roses on his pillows 155 00:06:44,689 --> 00:06:45,978 before he gets home to go to bed? 156 00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:48,500 - You're not texting him back. - But then I'm a dick 157 00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:50,360 because I'm icing him out on Father's Day. 158 00:06:50,385 --> 00:06:52,711 - I like it. - Ice his balls. 159 00:06:52,736 --> 00:06:54,391 Ice his balls, baby. 160 00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:56,452 Ugh, can we stop talking about balls? 161 00:06:56,477 --> 00:06:57,907 Yeah. 162 00:06:58,406 --> 00:07:00,258 Wait a second. Wait a second. 163 00:07:00,283 --> 00:07:01,585 He's coming here? 164 00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:03,149 He's dropping off the twins. 165 00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:06,930 Okay. The fun never stops, even when we get rid of him. 166 00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:15,538 Hey, Sam. 167 00:07:15,563 --> 00:07:16,667 Hi. 168 00:07:16,692 --> 00:07:19,503 - Smells good in here. - Thank you. 169 00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:23,235 Are you staying? 170 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:26,323 I know you like hanging out at lady gatherings. 171 00:07:26,348 --> 00:07:28,589 Just dropping off the kids. 172 00:07:28,788 --> 00:07:30,175 On Father's Day. 173 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,989 Nice. 174 00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:34,323 I spent the entire day with them. 175 00:07:34,348 --> 00:07:37,245 W-Was that a whole four hours 176 00:07:37,270 --> 00:07:39,393 with your own kids? 177 00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,237 Impressive. Hmm. 178 00:07:41,262 --> 00:07:42,698 You've always been gunning for me. 179 00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,401 Wh-What is your problem? 180 00:07:46,094 --> 00:07:49,230 You're a terrible husband. 181 00:07:50,899 --> 00:07:52,870 How do you know? 182 00:07:53,996 --> 00:07:56,167 Lala tells me everything. 183 00:07:57,555 --> 00:07:59,206 She does? 184 00:07:59,231 --> 00:08:00,745 Mm-hmm. 185 00:08:00,770 --> 00:08:02,081 Did she tell you how 186 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:04,847 when the twins were born, she got so depressed 187 00:08:04,872 --> 00:08:06,686 she could barely take care of them? 188 00:08:06,711 --> 00:08:08,394 I-I know about that. 189 00:08:08,419 --> 00:08:11,105 That was... that was hard. 190 00:08:11,130 --> 00:08:12,612 Yeah. Uh, yeah. 191 00:08:12,637 --> 00:08:14,659 That-that was hard, Sam. 192 00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,230 Do you know that when her mom died, 193 00:08:17,255 --> 00:08:19,058 she just never bounced back? 194 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,253 That I begged her to get help, but she refused? 195 00:08:22,594 --> 00:08:25,808 And do you know she hasn't let me touch her in two years? 196 00:08:26,355 --> 00:08:28,300 She tell you that? 197 00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:34,763 Yes, I finally called it, 198 00:08:34,788 --> 00:08:36,956 but this has been a long time coming. 199 00:08:37,441 --> 00:08:39,769 You may not like me, and that's fine, 200 00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:42,691 but you have no idea what my story is, 201 00:08:42,716 --> 00:08:45,885 and you have no right to judge someone else's marriage. 202 00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:51,566 You've been divorced a long time now. 203 00:08:51,591 --> 00:08:54,120 - Don't you worry? - About what? 204 00:08:54,145 --> 00:08:55,848 Your bitterness. 205 00:08:55,962 --> 00:08:58,998 You're getting brittle and hard. 206 00:08:59,243 --> 00:09:01,808 It's not a good look on you, Sam. 207 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,745 Yeah, well, at least I don't have to ice my balls 208 00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:12,772 when it's hot outside! 209 00:09:22,247 --> 00:09:24,810 - Okay. - Are you okay? 210 00:09:24,835 --> 00:09:26,893 Yeah, I was gonna walk and see you. 211 00:09:26,918 --> 00:09:29,480 - Pretty good, so I won't move around. - Yeah. 212 00:09:29,505 --> 00:09:32,448 We got married when we were 18. 213 00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:38,784 At 21, he started being very, very mean to me. 214 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,714 But... in those days, 215 00:09:41,739 --> 00:09:43,175 you didn't get divorced. 216 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,886 So you stayed together until you were 90? 217 00:09:45,911 --> 00:09:48,206 You know, it seemed the best thing to do 218 00:09:48,231 --> 00:09:52,035 would be just to stay there and not leave. 219 00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:55,948 And, uh, I was, I was going to be dying soon anyway. 220 00:09:55,973 --> 00:09:58,230 And so was he. 221 00:09:58,255 --> 00:10:01,214 But when we both turned 90, 222 00:10:01,239 --> 00:10:04,342 I just had had enough. 223 00:10:04,996 --> 00:10:06,565 So... 224 00:10:07,103 --> 00:10:09,089 I left him. 225 00:10:09,114 --> 00:10:12,817 And that was 17 years ago. 226 00:10:12,842 --> 00:10:15,690 And these have been the happiest 227 00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:20,025 17 years of my entire life. 228 00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:23,314 All right, Pearl! 229 00:10:23,348 --> 00:10:24,714 Thatta girl. 230 00:10:24,739 --> 00:10:26,308 Okay, baby! 231 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,606 Did you get all that? 232 00:10:30,522 --> 00:10:32,394 Isn't she great? 233 00:10:37,655 --> 00:10:41,390 I am the patron saint of divorced children. 234 00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:45,230 And if you have any questions, you ask me. 235 00:10:45,255 --> 00:10:47,476 I'm here to give you free legal advice. 236 00:10:47,501 --> 00:10:49,170 Now, if the divorce is new, 237 00:10:49,195 --> 00:10:51,396 there's gonna be a honeymoon period. 238 00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:52,640 Ziva? 239 00:10:52,665 --> 00:10:54,211 What's a honeymoon period? 240 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,164 Well, it's not an actual honeymoon, 241 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,591 but it's when the... 242 00:10:57,734 --> 00:10:58,935 What, Andi? 243 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,679 I haven't gotten my period yet. 244 00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:05,478 Womp, womp, womp. 245 00:11:07,517 --> 00:11:09,945 ♪ He talks about you in his sleep ♪ 246 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,194 ♪ There's nothing I can do to keep ♪ 247 00:11:12,219 --> 00:11:14,406 ♪ From crying when he calls ♪ 248 00:11:14,431 --> 00:11:17,218 ♪ Your name, Jolene ♪ 249 00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:21,156 ♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene ♪ 250 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,015 ♪ Jolene ♪ 251 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,531 ♪ I'm begging of you, please don't take my man ♪ 252 00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:29,218 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 253 00:11:29,243 --> 00:11:33,740 ♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene ♪ 254 00:11:33,765 --> 00:11:36,929 ♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪ 255 00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:40,945 ♪ Please don't take him just because you can ♪ 256 00:11:40,970 --> 00:11:42,961 - ♪ Don't do it ♪ - ♪ Don't take him ♪ 257 00:11:42,986 --> 00:11:45,812 - ♪ Don't take him away ♪ - ♪ Don't take him ♪ 258 00:11:50,947 --> 00:11:52,296 ♪ Jolene ♪ 259 00:11:52,321 --> 00:11:54,742 ♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪ 260 00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:58,179 ♪ Jolene... ♪ 261 00:11:59,805 --> 00:12:00,910 Yes! 262 00:12:00,935 --> 00:12:02,390 Oh, my God. 263 00:12:02,415 --> 00:12:04,828 - That was beautiful. - That was cathartic. 264 00:12:04,853 --> 00:12:07,162 Oh, that felt good! 265 00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:09,140 - Crossing over. - How talented. 266 00:12:09,165 --> 00:12:12,000 - What about you? - Not that talented. 267 00:12:14,571 --> 00:12:16,546 So who are you dating, Sam? 268 00:12:16,699 --> 00:12:18,703 What? Oh. 269 00:12:18,728 --> 00:12:19,896 No. 270 00:12:19,921 --> 00:12:21,857 I don't. I'm on a time-out. 271 00:12:21,882 --> 00:12:24,115 I don't play well with others. 272 00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:26,320 - All right. - If this doesn't work out, 273 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:29,682 I am going to have spend every other Christmas totally alone. 274 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,320 Well, you could always come to my house and watch 275 00:12:32,345 --> 00:12:35,125 me and Murray fight with the cat over the tinsel, huh? 276 00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,625 I'm getting a drink. 277 00:12:36,650 --> 00:12:37,875 Why, no? 278 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,812 - No, you come to mine. - You come to mine. 279 00:12:39,837 --> 00:12:41,914 - Or hers, see? - All good. 280 00:12:41,939 --> 00:12:43,561 I think it's a good offer. 281 00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:46,122 Can I come to your house for Christmas? 282 00:12:47,398 --> 00:12:49,033 Done. 283 00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:52,195 The title of my speech is called 284 00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,453 "Divorce: The Gift that Keeps on Giving." 285 00:12:54,478 --> 00:12:56,391 Did you know that as children of divorced families 286 00:12:56,415 --> 00:12:59,086 we're 50% as likely to grow up and get divorced ourselves? 287 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,320 So if you get divorced in your future, 288 00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:03,047 blame your mom and dad. 289 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:06,789 Our next speaker is the Fox family accountant, 290 00:13:06,814 --> 00:13:09,017 Mr. Rey Rodriguez. 291 00:13:10,087 --> 00:13:11,164 Hey, guys. 292 00:13:11,189 --> 00:13:14,349 Just a heads-up, I was raised by a single mom. 293 00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:15,828 Never even knew my dad. 294 00:13:15,853 --> 00:13:17,889 - I don't know my dad, either. - My man. 295 00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:20,382 That's what's up. Yeah. 296 00:13:20,565 --> 00:13:22,750 Okay, so as far as money goes, 297 00:13:22,775 --> 00:13:24,961 there's only a few things you need to know right now. 298 00:13:24,986 --> 00:13:27,343 First of all, there's a simple rule 299 00:13:27,368 --> 00:13:31,211 called the 20-50-30, all right? 300 00:13:31,236 --> 00:13:32,773 Let's say you make a dollar. 301 00:13:33,349 --> 00:13:35,101 You save 20 cents, 302 00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:37,484 you spend 50 cents on something you need 303 00:13:37,509 --> 00:13:39,398 and 30 cents on something you want. 304 00:13:39,423 --> 00:13:41,250 - You. - Do you have any tips 305 00:13:41,275 --> 00:13:44,843 of how to stop your mom from crying all the time? 306 00:13:44,868 --> 00:13:46,734 Just give her a hug. 307 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,561 Anybody here have a bank account? 308 00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:50,822 Because I came to talk about money. 309 00:13:50,847 --> 00:13:52,742 - We're kids. - So what? 310 00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:54,924 You want to retire before you're 85? 311 00:13:54,949 --> 00:13:56,281 'Cause that shit's real. 312 00:14:00,414 --> 00:14:02,617 I can't wait till Murray starts smoking weed 313 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:05,140 - so I can stop hiding from him. - Mm. 314 00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,984 Come here. I'm gonna shotgun you. 315 00:14:10,144 --> 00:14:11,867 Open your mouth. 316 00:14:18,759 --> 00:14:20,475 May I join you? 317 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:21,929 What was that thing you were doing? 318 00:14:21,954 --> 00:14:23,443 Looked very fun. 319 00:14:23,468 --> 00:14:25,023 I'd like to try that. 320 00:14:25,048 --> 00:14:26,750 - Sure. - Gran? 321 00:14:26,775 --> 00:14:28,804 Gran, let's go. Come on. 322 00:14:28,829 --> 00:14:30,660 You said we were going somewhere special. 323 00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:32,920 Oh, bollocks. 324 00:14:57,828 --> 00:14:59,463 During the Shah's reign, 325 00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:01,934 the British-owned oil industry was nationalized. 326 00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:03,661 That was his first mistake that he made 327 00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:05,511 that led to the revolution. 328 00:15:05,536 --> 00:15:07,307 I'm very impressed, miss. 329 00:15:07,332 --> 00:15:09,122 How do you know so much about Persian history? 330 00:15:09,146 --> 00:15:12,125 Ubers... you see, I like to talk to people. 331 00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:14,918 And 99% of the time, they like to talk to me. 332 00:15:14,943 --> 00:15:17,504 There's so much to be learned from Uber drivers about... 333 00:15:19,655 --> 00:15:21,161 Too much water. 334 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:23,411 I asked for half a glass. 335 00:15:28,754 --> 00:15:30,371 Oh, my God, Nan! 336 00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,179 What?! It's a waste. 337 00:15:32,204 --> 00:15:34,528 Well, yeah, but now he has to go and pour it out... 338 00:15:39,793 --> 00:15:41,442 Persian. 339 00:15:42,081 --> 00:15:44,651 They use that word to distinguish themselves 340 00:15:44,676 --> 00:15:47,106 from the theocratic Iranians back home. 341 00:15:47,137 --> 00:15:48,161 It's nonsense. 342 00:15:48,186 --> 00:15:49,793 They should call themselves Iranians. 343 00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:52,731 Persia hasn't existed since 1935. 344 00:15:57,905 --> 00:16:00,457 So who wants to go next? 345 00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:20,957 "Dear Ari, 346 00:16:20,982 --> 00:16:23,737 "I am sorry I cheated on you. 347 00:16:23,762 --> 00:16:25,559 "I just had to get out of the marriage. 348 00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,996 "I was so unhappy. 349 00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:33,667 "I don't think I ever loved you. 350 00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:36,269 "There was so much pressure put on me 351 00:16:36,294 --> 00:16:39,512 "by my family to get married and have kids, 352 00:16:39,537 --> 00:16:41,373 "and you were kind and handsome, 353 00:16:41,398 --> 00:16:44,348 "and so I said yes without a thought. 354 00:16:44,373 --> 00:16:46,254 "Please forgive me. 355 00:16:46,279 --> 00:16:47,914 "I hope you find a woman 356 00:16:47,939 --> 00:16:51,684 who will love you and our kids." 357 00:17:06,324 --> 00:17:08,133 "Dear Richard, 358 00:17:08,158 --> 00:17:11,160 "Out of everyone in the world, I chose you. 359 00:17:11,371 --> 00:17:15,020 "And in choosing you, I wasn't only saying this is my man. 360 00:17:15,045 --> 00:17:17,551 "I was also saying 361 00:17:18,073 --> 00:17:20,035 "this is me. 362 00:17:21,321 --> 00:17:23,020 "I trust myself enough to know 363 00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:26,612 "what is right for me, what I need, 364 00:17:26,637 --> 00:17:29,170 "what I say yes to in life. 365 00:17:29,195 --> 00:17:31,298 "Marrying you was the greatest validation 366 00:17:31,323 --> 00:17:33,993 "of the trust I have in myself. 367 00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:36,562 "Which is why this is so painful. 368 00:17:36,587 --> 00:17:38,145 "I question myself. 369 00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,074 "I don't trust myself anymore. 370 00:17:40,099 --> 00:17:42,418 "I've lost my compass. 371 00:17:44,684 --> 00:17:46,582 "I forgive you. 372 00:17:47,156 --> 00:17:49,752 "I do, and I'll never stop loving you. 373 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,941 "But it's going to take a long time 374 00:17:51,966 --> 00:17:54,334 before I'll be able to forgive myself." 375 00:18:01,925 --> 00:18:03,637 "Tom, 376 00:18:03,662 --> 00:18:06,341 "I'm glad I finally found the courage 377 00:18:06,366 --> 00:18:10,252 "to move on from a relationship that was going nowhere. 378 00:18:10,277 --> 00:18:13,590 "For the sake of myself and our kids. 379 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:19,512 "I'm livid not only that you moved on so fast, 380 00:18:19,537 --> 00:18:22,691 "but that it's with someone that hasn't got 381 00:18:22,716 --> 00:18:27,066 "the physical, emotional and neurological challenges 382 00:18:27,091 --> 00:18:28,598 "that I do. 383 00:18:28,895 --> 00:18:31,379 "Now your life will be so much easier, 384 00:18:31,404 --> 00:18:32,621 "and you won't have to face 385 00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:35,983 "all those disappointments we've discussed for years. 386 00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:38,801 "But, hey... 387 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:42,012 I just have to remind myself that neither do I." 388 00:18:52,224 --> 00:18:54,815 "I will never forget watching "The Matrix" with you 389 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,302 "and being so worried you wouldn't get it, 390 00:18:57,327 --> 00:18:58,647 but you did. 391 00:18:59,654 --> 00:19:02,193 "I remember loving you so much at that moment. 392 00:19:02,218 --> 00:19:04,427 "Then we had some dark days. 393 00:19:04,452 --> 00:19:07,894 "I felt so unwanted, so rejected. 394 00:19:08,318 --> 00:19:10,254 "I know it was your insecurity, 395 00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,193 "but I just couldn't take it. 396 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:15,333 "I don't know our future, but I do know I'm glad 397 00:19:15,358 --> 00:19:17,388 - you are their dad." - Oh. 398 00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,382 "I forgive you. 399 00:19:19,407 --> 00:19:21,843 Let us both live in our truth." 400 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:55,754 Sam? 401 00:19:56,818 --> 00:19:58,737 Oof. 402 00:20:04,145 --> 00:20:05,883 Y-You know what? 403 00:20:05,908 --> 00:20:08,519 I think I-I... I think I... 404 00:20:08,544 --> 00:20:09,896 I want to read mine. 405 00:20:09,935 --> 00:20:11,871 I think I should. 406 00:20:16,919 --> 00:20:20,058 "Dear Hitler and Hitler's son, 407 00:20:20,092 --> 00:20:21,857 "Why aren't you dead yet? 408 00:20:21,882 --> 00:20:24,918 "How are you? How is your day? 409 00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:26,998 "How do you live with yourself? 410 00:20:27,023 --> 00:20:31,236 "I don't care how you treat me, but what about your kids? 411 00:20:31,269 --> 00:20:33,638 "How do you divorce your own kids? 412 00:20:33,671 --> 00:20:36,942 "They're the best thing that ever happened to both of us. 413 00:20:36,976 --> 00:20:40,517 "Wondering how you sleep at night and why you aren't dead. 414 00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:41,878 Love, Sam." 415 00:20:48,435 --> 00:20:50,794 Oh. Okay. 416 00:20:53,859 --> 00:20:56,162 I got to let this shit go. 417 00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:58,685 - Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Let this shit go. 418 00:20:58,710 --> 00:21:00,943 - Let this shit go. Just... - That's a good idea. 419 00:21:01,878 --> 00:21:03,294 There we go. 420 00:21:03,319 --> 00:21:04,888 - Yeah. - Yes. 421 00:21:04,913 --> 00:21:06,389 - Yeah. - Oh, that's-that's a beauty. 422 00:21:06,413 --> 00:21:08,116 - Get a good burn. - That's a beauty right there. 423 00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:10,154 - Burn it. - It needs to get out. 424 00:21:10,179 --> 00:21:11,685 - Go from under. - Bye. 425 00:21:11,710 --> 00:21:13,426 - Yeah. - Bye. 426 00:21:13,451 --> 00:21:15,448 Out, damn spot! 427 00:22:03,189 --> 00:22:05,860 _ 428 00:22:05,947 --> 00:22:09,634 _ 429 00:22:21,276 --> 00:22:24,071 Look what the girls texted me. 430 00:22:24,424 --> 00:22:25,951 Little pumpkins. 431 00:22:25,976 --> 00:22:28,213 Oh, my God. 432 00:22:28,399 --> 00:22:30,150 Happy Father's Day. 433 00:22:30,175 --> 00:22:32,736 Oh, happy Father's Day, Father. 434 00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:40,660 You excited for your party? 435 00:22:41,030 --> 00:22:43,843 You gonna speak Spebrew or Hebrish or whatever? 436 00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:50,404 You know, when I was growing up, 437 00:22:50,429 --> 00:22:52,968 my father was hardly ever around. 438 00:22:53,585 --> 00:22:57,693 My parents stayed married, but my mother raised us all. 439 00:22:57,718 --> 00:23:00,033 Every mother is a single mother, you know. 440 00:23:00,806 --> 00:23:02,984 She worked three jobs, 441 00:23:03,009 --> 00:23:05,955 and he didn't have fuck all to do with us. 442 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,923 One morning, I was walking across the square, 443 00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:12,425 and I looked up, and there was my father 444 00:23:12,450 --> 00:23:14,338 holding hands with a woman. 445 00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:17,772 He turned as white as a ghost. 446 00:23:17,797 --> 00:23:19,720 He dropped the hand of the woman. 447 00:23:19,745 --> 00:23:22,247 It wasn't my mother's hand, you see. 448 00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:24,509 He walked over to me. 449 00:23:24,973 --> 00:23:27,548 "Phil," he said. 450 00:23:27,845 --> 00:23:29,642 "Yes, Father." 451 00:23:30,384 --> 00:23:34,127 He handed me a sixpence, and I went on my way. 452 00:23:34,152 --> 00:23:35,886 We never spoke of it. 453 00:23:39,986 --> 00:23:42,650 I tried to call my dad today to say "Happy Father's Day," 454 00:23:42,675 --> 00:23:44,578 but his voice mail was full. 455 00:23:45,189 --> 00:23:47,228 That was very generous of you. 456 00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:51,408 You know, I don't not want to have a relationship 457 00:23:51,433 --> 00:23:53,002 with my dad. 458 00:23:53,027 --> 00:23:54,677 You know, I don't want to live out this, like, 459 00:23:54,701 --> 00:23:58,072 legacy of shitty dads generationally or whatever. 460 00:23:59,197 --> 00:24:02,305 You know... Well, I hope you know... 461 00:24:02,330 --> 00:24:04,713 It's most likely that he won't show up for your party. 462 00:24:04,738 --> 00:24:07,205 I don't care. Gran, stop. 463 00:24:11,424 --> 00:24:12,884 All right. 464 00:24:13,152 --> 00:24:15,713 I got something I want to give you for your bat-whatever, 465 00:24:15,738 --> 00:24:17,916 but I don't want to give it to you at the party 466 00:24:17,941 --> 00:24:20,158 and get it lost in all the kerfuffle. 467 00:24:32,174 --> 00:24:33,772 - Oh, my God. - Mm. 468 00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,314 It's real gold. 469 00:24:35,603 --> 00:24:37,103 Gran. 470 00:24:37,939 --> 00:24:39,660 It belonged to my grandfather. 471 00:24:39,685 --> 00:24:42,355 He was a bit of a tosspot, but I loved him. 472 00:24:43,204 --> 00:24:45,595 - It's beautiful. - Mm. 473 00:24:46,838 --> 00:24:49,486 - I love it. - You do? 474 00:24:54,463 --> 00:24:55,566 Aw. 475 00:24:56,589 --> 00:24:58,191 Thank you. 476 00:24:59,801 --> 00:25:01,681 One bun, two buns, three buns, 477 00:25:01,706 --> 00:25:04,939 four buns, five buns. This is bun six. 478 00:25:04,964 --> 00:25:07,469 - I think I got it right this time. - Okay. 479 00:25:10,070 --> 00:25:12,352 I... it's... I-I don't even know. 480 00:25:12,377 --> 00:25:14,938 I mean, she's-she's so strict, and, like, 481 00:25:14,963 --> 00:25:17,689 there can't even be a hair out of place. 482 00:25:17,884 --> 00:25:19,594 Like, it has to be glued down. 483 00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:21,790 Okay, come back. I'll put more gel in it. 484 00:25:23,943 --> 00:25:25,697 Duke, is Mom making you go? 485 00:25:25,722 --> 00:25:27,400 No, no. I want to go. 486 00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:28,909 You should've seen her. She was so pissed 487 00:25:28,933 --> 00:25:30,565 - after I gave up soccer. - What did she say? 488 00:25:30,589 --> 00:25:32,346 But it's not like she was the one that had to do it. 489 00:25:32,370 --> 00:25:34,050 - Like, it's my choice. - Yeah, if you don't want 490 00:25:34,074 --> 00:25:36,150 to do soccer, you don't have to do soccer. 491 00:25:37,978 --> 00:25:39,280 What's up? 492 00:25:39,305 --> 00:25:41,830 What's going on? 493 00:25:50,468 --> 00:25:52,791 We just want to be with the sisters now. 494 00:25:54,056 --> 00:25:55,884 Copy that. 495 00:25:56,583 --> 00:25:59,392 Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Cool. 496 00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:01,142 Okay. 497 00:26:02,355 --> 00:26:05,640 - It's nice, though... - There. 498 00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:09,610 ... that you guys have sisters. 499 00:26:09,635 --> 00:26:10,884 So, you got this? 500 00:26:10,909 --> 00:26:12,916 - Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Right? I'll just... 501 00:26:12,941 --> 00:26:15,726 I'll just go throw myself off the side of the freeway. 502 00:26:15,751 --> 00:26:17,924 - Ooh, fun. - Yes. 503 00:26:18,307 --> 00:26:20,487 To the garbage with me! 504 00:26:21,332 --> 00:26:22,666 Don't worry about this. 505 00:26:22,691 --> 00:26:25,393 I just, you know... ah... I have a better idea. 506 00:26:25,418 --> 00:26:28,776 I'm going to chop myself up into little pieces 507 00:26:28,801 --> 00:26:31,127 and flush myself down the toilet. 508 00:26:31,152 --> 00:26:34,665 That's the natural place for me to go. 509 00:26:34,690 --> 00:26:38,330 And, uh, you guys better hope 510 00:26:38,355 --> 00:26:42,126 that I flush myself down super toilet. 511 00:26:42,151 --> 00:26:45,786 Otherwise, I will clog up 512 00:26:45,811 --> 00:26:48,056 the regular toilets, and you guys... 513 00:26:48,081 --> 00:26:49,338 All right, bye, Mom. 514 00:26:49,363 --> 00:26:51,298 ... don't even know how to use a plunger. 515 00:26:51,323 --> 00:26:55,533 I don't think you've ever touched one or... 516 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,080 know how to spell it, but that's fine. 517 00:26:59,815 --> 00:27:02,237 I have stuff to do. 518 00:27:02,995 --> 00:27:05,362 I can go do stuff. 519 00:27:05,504 --> 00:27:07,474 Frankie?! 520 00:27:07,499 --> 00:27:09,651 I mean, we can hang out. 521 00:27:10,507 --> 00:27:12,209 It's cool. 522 00:27:12,234 --> 00:27:15,883 It's nice sisters want to be together with no mom. 523 00:27:15,908 --> 00:27:17,494 That's fine. 524 00:27:18,114 --> 00:27:20,822 That's cute. My work here is done. 525 00:27:20,847 --> 00:27:22,971 It's obviously done. 526 00:27:23,203 --> 00:27:25,992 Nobody needs me anymore. 527 00:27:26,017 --> 00:27:28,854 That's fine. Cool. 528 00:27:36,333 --> 00:27:39,733 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 37026

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