Original subtitles

Yeah?

Yeah?

Sit down a minute. I just wanted to ask you something and it's a bit

embarrassing.

Okay. It's embarrassing to ask you because, you know, I should know but I'm

a bit out of practice.

But...

I've just had a message from the last guy that I went on a date with. Do you

remember me saying?

Yeah, yeah.

And... I don't know.

It just didn't feel like... I don't want to meet him again.

I don't know, I'm just... It just doesn't seem to be... It's either

they're blowing me off or the one that doesn't want to see me again. I'm just

going to...

It's just not... I don't know. I don't understand why I'm attracting all the

kind of people that I'm not really interested in.

So what? You're on the dating sites?

Yeah, and I just... I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

I'm just... I don't know. I'm attracting some, like, just not the right people.

And there's no way that no one is the right person for me.

I'll try and help. I mean...

I just don't know, like, I don't know. It's all about marketing these days,

isn't it?

I don't know how to do this online thing.

Well, do you want to show me your profile pictures then?

Let's see what you're working with.

I mean, I didn't really focus on the photos because I just put a lot of

writing in. I guess that people would, you know, want to know me rather

than...

Yeah, but you've got to sell yourself a bit first, haven't you, before you get

to that stage?

Oh, God, I hate it all. I just wish we could go back to the days of just, you

know, meeting in a bar.

Oh, yeah.

So that's one of them.

Oh, it's a nice photo, but you do look like a bit of a teddy bear.

Oh. Well.

I went.

On one of the dates like that. Because it was cold.

Okay. What else?

So what? You're not really showing any skin or anything, are you?

Yeah, I don't want to give that impression.

I'm going to let me find this one.

What the hell's going on with my phone now?

I'm going to have to find it.

See, I'm showing a bit of skin there. Yeah, that's a bit better.

So what's wrong with it?

Well, you could be a bit more sexy. You're quite a hot mum, so, you know,

you could put a bit of cleavage out maybe.

Well, oh my God.

Yeah, but isn't that going to attract, like, the wrong person on the internet?

Well, you might attract, like, a few, and then you can filter it down a bit,

can't you?

See what you want.

Yeah, true.

So I wore that.

What else did I wear? This is my kind of go-to dress.

One of my go-to dresses.

Because I'm trying to... I don't know. Does it look too Little House on the

Prairie? Now that you've said that, I'm thinking maybe... That was when the

weather was warmer.

I mean, that's all the way down to your feet, isn't it?

I don't really feel comfortable.

I mean, you've got...

It's a bit, I don't know.

Oh, it's a mess in there at the moment. A bit more skimpy.

Not that fit. I've got a lot of stuff that doesn't fit me anymore.

What about that dress you wore, you know, you bought to go on holiday, but I

don't think you ever wore it, do you?

Like the Spanish you left in there.

Yeah, let's have a look at that.

That shows away too much.

Oh, let's see then.

Okay, sit down.

naked when I'm wearing it.

Yeah, that's a bit better, isn't it?

It feels a bit, because I can't wear a bra with it, so it feels a little bit,

you know, revealing.

Well, it's still not a mini dress, but yeah, you're getting there.

And I suppose... What about, what sort of lipstick are you wearing with that?

Okay, give me two seconds, two seconds.

I haven't really been wearing much in the way of makeup because, again,

I always feel like it seems over the top when I do.

Hang on, let me try this.

It's a bit of something but not too much

How's

that?

I've just thrown it on. I don't know how to straight it but I think I should take

my hair down

I'll keep it up, you know.

Yeah, down, definitely down. Okay.

I just, you know, especially when it's cold and not wearing a bra.

Yeah, that's better. I mean, there's some nice strappy shoes.

Okay. Tell me about these dates then, did you, you know.

Did I what?

Well. How did it go? What happened? Did you get up too much?

Are you asking me?

First base, second base, I think. I don't understand that lingo.

So, on two of them, I kissed them. But honestly, it was...

It's terrible to say that, but it was purely because I didn't know what else

to do. I felt a little... a little bit bad, just walking away.

I wasn't really interested.

And then... So two of them you kissed.

What about the third one?

Well, things did go further, but yeah, it was a bit weird.

Tell me.

I don't know. He's just a little bit hot.

I guess. I thought it was... I don't know. I initially took it as being quite

hot and I liked... Yeah, it just turned out a little bit weird.

So when you say you took things a bit further than that, what do you mean?

Well, all the way.

Okay.

Yeah, I know.

First date.

Honestly, I just think I'd been out of the game for so long.

I just wasn't sure how to handle it.

I...

Wanted it, you know.

And I don't know, maybe I wasn't looking for it anymore. I just wanted a bit of

fun. I know I shouldn't be telling you that of all people, but it's true.

But I don't want to see him again.

He's the one that I've kind of blown off.

I don't know if I've got lipstick on my teeth, but yeah.

So what do you think?

New photos?

Yeah, definitely.

I'll help you if you want. Can I just take them like this?

It's a bit presumptuous to take them on my bed though, don't you think?

You tell me. You tell me what you think. Maybe do a couple out on the balcony.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah?

Well, I'm going to leave this up to you. You can tell me how to pose, how to...

Let me just look.

Okay. Are you sure I look okay?

Yeah, looks good. Really nice. Okay.

It feels embarrassing.

I'm sorry you happened to help me with this. This isn't... Yeah, after your dad

and everything, this isn't what you want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll stop babbling on.

Yeah, maybe sit on the side of the hot tub.

Oh, that's just... Then that looks like I'm inviting them in.

Does it?

What about next to the fake wall?

That looked good.

Don't get my feet in, I don't want to sink feet.

So how should I pose? Yeah, that's good.

I'll show you after.

Okay.

Is that working?

How?

This feels like, I don't know, playboy shooting or something.

Not yet.

Maybe show a little bit more cleavage if you can.

Oh, Stephen.

That feels a bit weird how you take that.

That's it.

Now look up at me.

Yeah. Bit of a nice pout.

What's that?

Yeah,

that looks good.

Okay.

I don't know, maybe.

Yeah, that looks really good.

This feels a little bit seductive.

Well, you've got to sell yourself a little bit.

Okay.

I think I should put any of those on, any of the dresses, maybe something a

bit more.

No, definitely not. I think, no, I really like that dress actually.

I'm surprised you remember it. I must have had it on for all of two minutes

when I tried it on that first time.

No, it's good. It's really nice.

Must be if you remembered it.

Okay, so that sorts out the photos.

And then, you know, getting them to that stage.

Tell me about the dates again.

Well, they've obviously gone okay because... Sit down.

Because we've gone from... Obviously, it went a little bit

further with both of them.

I didn't really feel any chemistry whatsoever.

But then I don't know, is it me?

Like I said, I'm rusty.

I'm a bit awkward, maybe.

I don't know, what do you talk about on a first date?

How, and what do you... But you said it, you kissed them as well.

How did that go?

What, tongue as well?

Okay.

And honestly, it just felt... I don't know, I felt out of practice

and... Well, maybe you are a bit out of practice.

Yeah, I am.

So... It's been a long time since your dad.

Okay.

So... Yeah.

Well, tell me what happened.

Well...

just felt clunky like there was no chemistry the first guy I actually

bashed into his teeth with my teeth and that I've never done that before and

that was just oh yeah well that killed the mood and then the

other guy it just felt I don't know it felt like my tongue was

in a washing machine like it was Was there any touching as well

or just kissing?

Not really. I think that's what I was missing.

He didn't even try and grope you?

Grope? That makes it sound awful.

Copping a feel?

No, not really. Like I said, there was absolutely no chemistry.

But then I suppose I can't blame them entirely because I

wasn't. You know, touching and... I suppose it probably seemed like I wasn't

even that into it.

I just didn't really... I don't know.

I just don't know how to do it anymore, I guess.

I'll help you if I can.

How?

You're going to give me training on how to kiss somebody.

Oh, God.

I don't know.

Maybe I should do more.

Maybe.

Yeah. I don't know. Do guys appreciate that?

Oh, for sure. That wasn't very touchy-feely, so...

Maybe I should be

stroking and, like, on the movies, holding the back of the head.

I quite like it when the girls pinch my nipples a bit.

What, on the first kiss?

That's a bit forward.

Well.

Okay.

Oh.

Okay, I'll take note of that.

Maybe just start up there and work your way down a bit.

Yeah, it's difficult because I wouldn't even know where to start without it

seeming, I don't know, weird, just going straight in. It would feel like I'm

groping them.

How do you just, you know, gently... Do you see what I mean?

Wait till he's kissing your neck a bit and... It didn't get that far.

Right, I have to go in the... I suppose, so, initially, so, right,

pretend you... I'm obviously not going to touch you, just pretend you're him.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

So we're about to say goodbye.

Okay. And I just maybe lean in.

But that's the thing there. If you're saying goodbye, you know, so you didn't

want it to go further?

Or you didn't want to invite him in?

Yeah, but I was thinking if I kiss and maybe

I'm saying goodbye, then I start kissing him and everything and then invite him

in, if that goes well.

Because I don't want to invite him in if the kissing doesn't go well, I guess.

So maybe... Does that seem... I suppose I need to go in with that intention,

don't I?

So if I like them, we've got on well.

Don't kiss them if we haven't got on.

But if we do, I'll maybe just stroke the leg as I go in

for a kiss.

Close my eyes or...

Look at them?

I'd say, I don't know, keep them open, I would.

And watch them. I think that's quite more horny.

And I keep stroking.

I up the leg.

I don't know, you tell me, what am I supposed to do?

Sorry, I'm putting you in a... I'm probably being weird here.

I know not everyone has to help.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

So...

I think it's weird.

No, no, no.

You sure?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So, give them a bit of cleavage.

A bit more.

That's good.

Okay.

And lean in.

Straight the leg. If you sat down, that is, I guess, yeah.

Straight the leg.

I'm imagining they're dropping me off.

That's a bit old-fashioned, isn't it? I'll see you in the car.

That's old-fashioned, isn't it? But I mean, over a fricasse.

Maybe I'll go higher with my hands. What do you think?

I think go lower.

I think go lower.

Go lower?

Down here?

Oh, no.

I thought you meant if you're starting off high, then work your way down. Okay,

I'm just going to sit back.

You tell me.

Guide me.

So, okay. So imagine I'm here, I'm driving.

Yeah. Okay.

Sorry.

Bic, that's it.

Accidentally, you know.

A bit of cleavage. Miss the getting up.

Start kissing.

Uh-huh. Feels nice.

What's up?

You know if he's getting excited.

Oh, I can feel he's excited.

So I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're doing.

Evidently not.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Yeah, I've made things really weird now.

Why isn't that working for everybody else then?

If it was.

Okay.

I didn't mean to hit you.

See,

I don't know.

I guess it's because you're guiding me on things you like, so you're enjoying

it.

And... Okay.

Well, it's nice to know that what I'm doing is... It

works. It's not me.

It's definitely not you.

So, straight up the back. Okay, come back.

Stroke up the leg.

Carry on, as you would.

I'll tell you if you're doing anything wrong.

I don't know. I think maybe... Maybe he was waiting for you to blow him in

the car. I think maybe... Yeah, we've gone...

We've crossed a bit of a line.

I... Yeah.

I don't think... I mean, it's nice that you're having that reaction. It's

reassuring.

But... And I know you're trying to help me.

I know that.

But... I think we should probably stop now.

You're still... Do you not...

Are you just, I don't know, good at role play? So you're not even you at the

moment?

I'm just trying to help you.

I know, I know you are and I appreciate it.

I just think maybe, okay, maybe.

Just pretend.

Yeah, I don't know how much further I would go with them that I'd be

comfortable going further with you.

I guess.

Hmm.

i think maybe i can't believe

what are we doing i

don't understand why i'm having this i

should not be letting you do this

My eyes kind of stray.

Can I come in and show you?

I think you should.

See if your technique's any good.

Wow.

We should not be doing this. This is really, we have crossed the line now.

There is, Stephen, come on. Think about this.

As much as I want to, and I really, I really, really, this

is not okay.

Why do I want you to touch me so much?

We can't do it.

You should not feel this good.

Look up.

You're really enjoying this, aren't you?

There's nothing wrong with the... I wouldn't say you're rusty.

Would you say I'm good at it?

Definitely.

Or is it just that it's me?

No, it's really not.

Okay.

I'm looking forward to finding out how it... I can't.

I can't.

You can if you want to.

No.

You're gonna come for me.

All over my face.

I need to be inside you.

I need to give you a full evaluation.

Don't.

You watch you.

Oh yeah.

Thank you.

Tastes good.

Okay, man.

I think you're ready.

I don't think we should joke about this, Stephen.

I really... I don't know what came over me then. I don't.

I don't know.

Oh, what?

What were we thinking?

This is all me.

This was a bad idea.

I'm sorry.

This is going to change everything.

Forever.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Let's get showered.