Original subtitles

So guess what, David?

What's that, Tyler?

You'll never believe it.

Believe what?

I saw Pi yesterday.

Pi? Mm-hmm. How'd you do that?

It was pretty easy, actually.

Oh! Well, you know a lot about Pi?

What's that?

I saw your mom's Pi.

What? No, you didn't, dude.

Speaking of Pi, you know whose Pi I saw?

Who? Miss Johnson's.

Oh, yeah? That's why we got such high grades.

That's funny, man. Found it, dude.

Oh, yeah.

You ever hear back from the colleges that you're applying to?

Yep, got into every single one.

Oh, yeah.

And the girls there, too?

At least we're making money from the tutoring that we're doing.

Oh, yeah, and you see some of those freshman girls?

Oh, yeah, they're super pretty.

It's a shame that they're so slow and they're still stuck on geometry.

It's sad, really.

Yeah. I mean, acute, obtuse.

How hard can it really be?

How can you mix up acute with obtuse angles?

Exactly.

Imagine what their parents have to think.

Well, at least they're pretty.

Can

you

think you can shut the fuck up?

You're not doing anything important.

We're studying.

We're also tutoring a bunch of- we have a lot of work to do. Aww, are you

tutoring a bunch of other little nerds? This is why you never get laid. Aww, are

they nerdy girls? We will get hot.

They're hot.

I am sick of having the nerdiest brother in school. Or do you have the nerdiest

brother in school? Is he adorable?

I just love this.

I know.

You gotta get back to work.

You know, I've never heard about you. You gotta get back to work. Oh my god.

One, two, three.

That's not nice. Shut up. You can't treat my friends like this. No, I'm not.

What are you going to do about it, little boy?

He's my brother, and I say she can't. See, I can't treat her brother however I

want.

Like he's you. You're studying for it alone.

Hi. This is for the SAT.

Why'd you do that?

Look, look, I'm your brother.

Oh man.

Look, I'm all smart and stuff.

I can't, I can't read anything.

I am, oh my gosh, I'm like a kid.

They're throwing their legs away. Yep, exactly.

Hey!

I heard mom and dad.

Sit down.

Tell me what to do.

If you don't... If I don't what?

If you don't pass the... Speak up, I can't hear you.

Semester. I think you're breaking up.

That if you don't pass the semester... Speak up!

That... You guys aren't funny. That... Oh, we're not.

You're laughing.

That if you don't pass the semester... What?

But if you don't pass the semesters, I figured I'd stop your trust fund and

make you get a job.

You guys are going to have to work.

Don't even joke.

No, that's for cereal.

You see, all we do is suck a dick.

And then we get whatever we want.

Like a J-O-B?

I mean, if you want to suck a dick.

You'd like that, wouldn't you? Yeah, I would.

Try and get all the discounts.

You and your discounts.

Where do you think we got these shirts from? Yeah.

That explains a lot. Yeah, he picks out the coupons and I pick the prices.

Anyway, this was fascinating.

This has been great. We've learned a lot. I just think that you guys are

missing out on life right now. It's all... This is life. School is life.

Do you even kiss a girl? No.

Do you want to?

Yeah.

Jesus fuck. Really?

As if!

If that would ever happen. I'm hungry.

It's disgusting.

Your sister's really not, dude. Do you think she likes me?

No. She doesn't like you, dweeb.

She's a brat.

She's just messing with you, all right? I mean, who would want to bang a nerd

like you?

Come on, dude. Take it back.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Yeah, you're right. I do take it back.

But, uh, hey.

Want to see something?

See what?

Let's go upstairs.

I have something to show you.

Be careful.

What is it?

I'll show you. I'll show you on my phone.

I'll close the door behind me.

You'll see.

You know how we were talking about pies earlier?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hold on. You're talking pumpkin pie? No, this is real pie.

You think you could turn it up a little bit?

Yeah.

Who's she looking at on the phone? It's probably me.

No way, nerd.

It probably is, dude. You saw how she was looking at me earlier?

Aww.

First thing she does, that's all she did. It's too good for blackmail.

That's all she does all day?

No, all day, maybe two or three times a day.

She's a... She's what they call an infomaniac.

Yeah.

help with something, which is never, never, we'll never do that. What's

wrong?

I just, I can't stop thinking about what my stupid brother was saying about the

trust fund.

I can't lose that.

You're not going to lose that. Your parents are never going to give it to

you. If I fail, I'll lose it.

I mean, I'm not trying to bring you down or anything,

but you have to pass too, or else you're fucked.

What are we gonna do?

We haven't been studying at all.

You've been taking me to all these parties, and it's been really fun!

We can figure out what we do.

Yeah, yeah, you're right, we do.

But... If we both fail, we're both fucked.

You do have a point there.

Yeah. And I'll lose the trust fund.

And then what are we gonna do?

Hmm? Hmm. What are we gonna do?

Um... Our brothers are practically geniuses. They would know what to do.

I don't know. My brother just... He looks smart, but he's just stupid.

Oh, God.

Well, I actually don't know what he knows.

There's no way they're gonna help us after earlier.

I'm desperate.

We have to ask.

We're assholes. I know, but... Okay. Well, we gotta do what we gotta do,

right? Yeah.

It's our only hope. Well, I...

I bet they'd like some positive attention anyway, so.

Okay, okay.

Let's go see.

Oh, she's just messing around.

She's a little bitch anyway.

Yeah, she seems like one.

What the fuck are you watching? Oh, shit.

Give me that.

No. Shut up.

I'm being eternal.

Stop being a turtle. Did you record me? Did you seriously record your sister?

No.

Yeah. Look me in the eyes.

Open them. I can't see shit. All I see is blurry.

Good.

At least let him explain himself.

What explanation is there? What explanation is there? You guys are just

so mean to us.

And that's your explanation?

And that means you get to record me?

Do we have to film her?

No, this is blackmail.

Blackmail?

I can't believe you did this.

I'm going to break your glasses if you don't put them back.

Yeah, give it. Give us the phone here. We're going to break your glasses.

Don't give it to them. Nope. Give it to us. David.

David, don't give it to them.

David.

Tyler!

Come here.

You guys can't have it.

Give it to us, Tyler.

You can't have it. Give it to us or I'm going to break your fucking glasses.

That's how long you did it. I need those.

Look, Kate.

We need them.

We need them.

You're right. We do need you guys. Get off of me.

I really appreciate you defending me. I can't see.

Here.

Okay. Like, yes.

Yeah. You need to delete that. You seriously need to delete that. That's

sick.

We're not talking about it.

But you need to get rid of that for sure. But the reason we came in here...

Yeah, why are you in here? Yeah, you shouldn't be in here.

Didn't you girls see their sign?

It's 4.0 and only, okay?

The reason we came in here is you were right about finals. We need help.

And we were thinking, since y'all are so smart, maybe you could hack into the

system and just fix our grades.

If we don't pass?

You could do that, right? Could you do it? I mean, first of all, is this a

possibility? Yeah. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, David?

Oh. I think I... Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah. We have an idea.

You guys have to know what we mean.

Sexual intercourse.

Just the way you said it. So you want us to all be fine girls?

Yeah, I mean, I guess. We get girls.

We can get them, but it's just like, we're helping you two out. You have to

help us out.

Wait. What do you mean?

We just said it. Yeah.

You know, we, we, we smush.

We smush?

I'm sorry, we what?

You're my stepbrother.

In your mind. What are you fucking talking about?

Are you crazy? You already fucking filmed me. So what the fuck is this?

I fuck you.

You fuck David.

So it's not weird.

Oh, it's not weird.

No. It's not, is it? I'm sorry.

It's not weird now. It's not weird now. It's not weird now.

Are you serious? Are you serious? You're like my brother.

Well, do you guys want help or no?

Anything else.

Anything else. Name it. You want my car?

You want to wear my clothes?

Well, don't keep them in your car. I don't fucking care.

We'll be downstairs waiting for you to give us the answer.

Be smart.

Be smart.

You fucking... I could kill them.

I could actually kill them.

Are they serious?

They can't be that serious.

No. No.

I'm not your kick-ass ass. My brother wants to fuck you.

I mean, not that you're not hot. You're really hot. I get it, but... Ew.

We're not gonna... You're not that desperate, are you?

I mean, he's my stepbrother, too.

He's my stepbrother. At least you're not like our brothers or anything. Oh, God,

that would be so much weirder. We would never do that. No. No.

No. But I mean... I really need to trust them.

Just so you know. I won't be okay if I don't get it. Just so you know, I'm

taking one for the team here.

I'm not that desperate. I'm not losing a trust fund.

I can't believe I'm doing this for you. I'm still not sure we're doing this.

I don't like it.

I think it's a curl.

This is gross.

You think they're going to come down?

I hope so. We're going to get some pie.

Look who finally came.

Oh my God. What are you doing?

Put that back on the wall, Tyler.

Do you see what time it is?

Oh my God.

It's time for sexual intercourse.

Okay.

I'll bail.

I'll bail. I'll bail.

No, wait. No.

No.

You're making this a lot.

Well,

we're interested in learning what we learned in health class and we want to

practice. Oh, don't talk. This is really what you want? There's

not anything else. I mean, I can literally give you my car.

You asked us what we want and we told you.

So.

Have you ever even seen one before?

What, a vulva?

Yeah, like a real one.

We'll find out.

We'll figure it out.

But no. No, we haven't. We're not one of those science experiments,

David.

Tyler, just shut up. I can't even know you.

I hate your brother. I hate your brother and my brother also.

I don't know, dude.

Maybe you guys should have tried harder in class. Shut up!

God damn!

Do we have to do this? Are you serious? Do we have to do this? Is there anything

else? You don't have to do this.

You don't have to pass your class either.

Oh, fuck. I hate your brother.

We're not really your brothers, though. It's Steph.

That's the only reason this is happening. Oh, it makes it so much

fucking better. So much better.

What the fuck do we have to do?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want to see? We're doing it. We agree. It's

done. Yeah.

Oh my god, you guys didn't have this planned out already?

You don't know what you want. You don't even know what you want.

Oh my god. Well, you're the experienced ones in this area.

I am not helping you. You're not getting any help.

Figure it out, Gary. It's what you want to see. I mean, tits, ass, pussy, say

it. Just start feeling a little bit. Oh god, Earl.

Go ahead.

Oh.

Look at your brother.

I'm just gonna go for it.

Fine, you're cute.

Oh my god, just take this shirt off, Jesus.

Look at you.

Fucking wearing a bra.

Really?

You knew what I was wearing at the party.

Oh my god, the tits are underneath the bra, Tyler.

I'm just working my way up.

I'm sorry, okay?

You chose to go. You could have stayed home. You could have studied.

I get it. Fine. Sorry.

Thank you for helping me.

Amazing.

What's up? I can play with these all day.

All day.

All day.

Just so you know, there's a time limit.

There's no time limit.

We get to make some rules in this exchange.

We have not helped us.

I

told

you she was into me, David.

What?

What makes you think she's into you, Tyler?

Look. Like, even at all. Look what I'm doing.

Uh-huh, that's, yeah, no.

This is because you're hacking it for her.

This is, this would never happen otherwise.

So? Well, not in our world.

Are you guys done yet?

Mm-mm. Yeah, yeah, this is probably good, right?

No. Mm-mm.

Saying no.

That's where we're at.

Tyler, oh my god.

You guys want help, don't you?

Yeah.

Oh my god, can I just take my dab? Yes, please.

I'm not going to go through that.

Thank you!

I'm doing my best!

I just watched my brother take your pants off and I was... It was fine.

It felt as bad as it actually felt. It was fine. It was super fine.

It was great.

Oh my god.

What are you trying to find?

Maybe I can direct you.

Maybe that's your health class.

She said you got an A in health class.

It's not there.

What?

Even though this wasn't a part of this.

Can we use the hot-cold system? Is

that the unique?

I can't.

What are you doing?

The alphabet.

The alphabet?

Yeah. I keep going until I get a reaction out of you and stop at the end.

You think these girls know the alphabet?

Ooh.

Relax.

You're not that nice. Just do it. Just put your mouth there.

I'm the best friend ever.

You better take care of me. I will. I promise.

Oh, look at the time, guys.

Oh, my glasses are falling down. Oh, yeah. Are we maybe... No.

Still.

I mean, you guys, I haven't done this before. You can't last that long.

Right? No.

I don't know. We don't... And... Oh, yeah, guys. That was amazing.

That was awesome. That was something.

Yeah, that sexual intercourse. That sexual intercourse.

That will erase their grade two points. I would agree. That would probably be a

B, which is just passing. At best.

And you need a C to at least get into the colleges.

So this will be a C+. At least.

What?

It's gotta be more than that.

I need a B. We'll get there.

I need a B.

We'll get there.

We'll get to a B.

We're working our way up, ladies.

Fix the suspenders.

Alex.

He's my stepbrother, okay? We're not even fucking related.

I don't claim him at all.

It's a glam.

You know what it is, he said.

Hmm.

Tessa!

He's not lying. I mean, we're not even blood related.

Okay, fine, yeah. I did just say that.

Yeah?

So, just whip them out? Or what are you going to do? Oh my god.

Just whip them out.

Ew.

Ew. Tyler, I'm telling you all this.

Then don't look.

I almost broke these.

They're important.

Yeah.

I hear that. Your brother almost broke this.

I did. I almost.

I think you ladies know what to do next.

Why don't you tell us Tyler since you're all fucking knowing what you guys the

experts

You guys are being a bunch of babies.

We just hide in the shower during

PD class so we know they're clean.

Yeah, we did oral.

Yeah, there's oral.

Like 10 seconds of it?

No, it was more than two minutes. Can you not count?

Oh no, the grade's dropping right now.

It's not a D+.

Grades are a D plus right now.

No, it was guaranteed C for my one, yes.

Well, we have to make the grades look realistic, so we have to have some. I'm

going to fight. Oh, my God.

Okay, I'll stop. Good point.

This is just... You think I feel any better?

We both have to pass. It's not all my fault. No.

We're about to... You guys hear that?

No,

you said... We should... I remember we specifically said

sexual intercourse. I remember!

My god, stop saying that.

You can do it if you never say that again. Just don't say that ever.

Ever.

Ever again.

Ever. Right?

Right?

Don't ask me what you don't want the answer to.

What is on your stomach?

Don't tell me. Don't open your fucking mouth, David.

Don't eat.

It's like you've never seen a cop before. Yeah.

Fucking... Tyler!

Gross.

Yeah, and if he has sausages... Mom, take care of that.

Hey, I'm over here too.

You kind of deserve it.

You have to pass too. You're blaming me.

Yeah, but I'm the one losing a trust fund.

Not if you guys do a good job.

I know I'm right.

Okay,

I'll shut up.

Your brother's talking himself out of this.

I'm listening.

Can you hold it up at least so I can sit on it?

I'll line it with my vagina, David.

Jesus.

I can't. I can't hold it up.

This is probably good, right?

You didn't say how long.

You don't want your brother to talk anymore.

I guess yours can't either.

First time I've seen him shut up all day.

No, he's dead.

I think I have an idea.

No, no more ideas. No more ideas.

This was intercourse. This was intercourse. This was the deal.

I think... We should switch.

What? No.

Hey, you guys want help, don't you?

I fuck your fucking nerdy friend. You want to fuck me?

You want to fuck me? You can't want to fuck me.

Then just don't.

You want to fuck her?

You want to fuck her?

I mean, you want her to be hot. I mean, we're hot, but, like, we're step

brothers. We're step brothers. We're step brothers. We're step brothers.

Step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step.

You'll get past him.

I want a fucking A.

No, I, I, no.

I want an A fucking plus.

Alex, Alex, no, they're right. Let's be realistic.

We want Bs.

We could do Bs.

B's is an easy target.

You're right, it would be suspicious.

But I want to get A's. But I want a B.

B plus.

B plus.

We'll see what we can do. 87.

No, 88.

Okay, yeah, okay. That's fine.

Dude,

your hair looks great.

You have to pass. It's not just me.

Shut up, Tyler!

Well, she feels so good up there.

So,

are you girls ready?

As we'll ever be!

Do you have to wear those socks?

I think we do. Just leave it alone.

Would their feet be needed?

No. No, you're right.

I'm coming with this heart.

Jesus Christ.

You're such a fucking pervert.

I don't want to hear it.

It's not their deal.

Just do it. Just do it. Just get it over with. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Don't rush me.

Yeah, probably better.

It's all right.

It's all right. Just turn around.

Turn around.

How about this?

You'd totally be homeless.

You'd totally be homeless right now. I don't think I could be homeless. What's

wrong with you?

I know that I'll get you, Tyler.

I'm not going to get you.

You don't have to.

69 with you?

With you?

Or with... I don't understand.

I think they want us to 69. Okay. I take that.

I don't have to tell you that, lady.

Oh, God. I just did too much. I lied. No. I think you might have picked the

wrong one.

Is it too late?

It is too late. I'm not giving it back.

Oh, my God.

Trust me, this isn't fun.

Yeah, that's true.

Oh my goodness.

Spit on it.

Get her wet at least.

Are you fucking her mouth?

David.

David, does it have to be right there?

Right there. Where do you want me to put it? I don't know. Anywhere else.

Ew, not in my mouth. Ew. David.

It was my first time. Oh my God. Don't say that.

Don't say that.

It's on my ass.

Oh my god.

That's a lot.

What if you get your sister pregnant?

Well, what if you get your sister pregnant?

Tyler!

Don't even talk about this shit.

I have enough of you on me. I don't even want to touch you.

Well, we don't have to tell our parents then.

I think it's a good idea.

That will happen though. I don't know how they would feel about that.