Original subtitles

Dear AI, what's a good reason for a man to miss four days of work while also

coming off as some kind of hero?

Example, getting hit by a cruise ship while saving a drowning baby.

But not that, because I've used that twice.

Dad, guess who won first prize in the statewide essay grading contest?

Some lonely dweeb?

No, me!

I found the most run-on sentences in the...

history of the competition.

I've run out of inside rewards for Lisa, so I said she could pick our next family

outing. There's so many good places to choose from. The organic farm where you

pick your own cilantro, the Jason Prochno Miniaturarium, Hamster Hospice,

Turnstile Factory, Mousepad Experience, Museum of Museums, Build-A-Bot Workshop,

Rice Grain Sculpture Garden.

Okay.

Typewriter Graveyard. The Human Ant Farm.

Haunted Hanukkah Hayride. World's Most Accurate Calendar.

Arithmetic Hall of Fame.

What about Krusty Land?

Krusty Land?

We've been there a million times.

Yeah, and every time was awesome.

Even when Dad broke his hand punching Ulysses S. Grant in the Hall of

Presidents. He started it.

We did have fun together. Back when we were little, before I turned into me.

And you turned into you.

Remember what we called ourselves?

Oh, the Super Explorers. I'd almost forgotten that.

I didn't.

Yay!

Super Explorers! The Regurgitator, Colonic Boom, Trader Joe's Rockin' Barfa

Coaster. Oh, all these rides make me nauseous now.

To help with the nauseousness, I brought motion sickness pills, a thermos full of

ginger ale, and barf bags.

I already threw up in the car.

Say, why don't you lovable old-timers take the day off and let the super

explorers go off on their own? You two can check out the grown-up section of

the park where they serve alcohol.

What? What?

An alcohol-themed cocktail bar. Can you imagine?

Okay, kids, you're on your own, but check in every hour.

We will. Love you.

The Burge, Christopher.

I've been on this thing dozens of times. The best part is when all your organs go

into your neck.

I can do this.

Get on my ride!

This ride isn't worth the stress, but there's something else here I think

you'll love.

Are we allowed back here?

Whoa!

The Cosmic Cruiser Hotel!

We stand before the most expensive, most embarrassing failure in theme park

history. What were they thinking?

Thanks for making this year's Krusty Kahn our best one yet.

It's such a blast hanging out with adult fans of shows and toys aimed at

children. This is normal.

Never mature.

Now, our CEO of theme parks, ice shows, and collectible popcorn buckets, Don

Jeffries, is here to make one more very secret.

Extra special announcement!

Special announcements!

The elixir of life!

The Krusty Land that you know is about to change forever.

Introducing the most immersive, revolutionary feat of Krusty-gineering

ever, the Cosmic Cruiser Hotel!

Just imagine spending two nights on board a galactic star cruiser role

-playing a sci-fi adventure That's unique to you with beloved characters

from the itchy and scratchy universe That's great CEO Don Jefferies. I know

I'm tired of relaxing on my vacations Give me stuff. I'm forced to do the

galaxy is at war Will you bring order as a member of Control and Tyranny? Or side

with the rebels of my supposed-to-unfair space empires?

The choice is yours!

Oh, and one more thing... Take us to hyperspace, Timmy!

Oh, I think he's going to punch it!

Punch it!

He punched it!

Hyperspace!

Get those expectations up sky high, gang, because the grand opening is one

year from today.

What's up, Courtney fam?

It's Courtney from Courtney Takes Off for Makeup and Homs. I am so excited to

be paid to act excited here at the opening of the new Cosmic Cruiser Hotel.

Woo!

Hum.

Hey, CEO Don Jeffries. This place is so immersive.

How did you pull off this level of immersion?

The key was immersive ability.

How did we do?

Amazing. I feel like I'm here.

Now say hello to the world's only robotic cruise director, Kit Ter.

Me-owza. Can I get you a fresh towel for your room?

thing.

Punch it!

Can people reserve their rooms right now?

They sure can. The basic two-night all-inclusive except alcohol and water

package starts at just $5,000.

$5,000 for two nights in a windowless nerd prison?

No one's gonna pay that!

The Cosmic Cruiser Hotel has closed its doors due to legions of wildly

unenthusiastic fans.

Krustyland calls the move temporary, as the attraction is retooled to make it

better than ever.

But try telling that to CEO Don Jeffries, who leaves with the smallest

corporate severance package in modern business history.

$110 million.

Good luck, Don.

How cool would it be to sneak inside?

Right? I would totally love to go in there.

Oh, I can't believe the gate's locked.

Oh, crap.

As super explorers, we're obligated to super explore.

You signed the pledge.

I was two.

I would sign anything when I was two.

I don't remember any itchy and scratchy cartoons where they fought a space war.

They built out the lore from a space-themed word search on the back of

a box of Crusty-Os.

Okay, we saw it. Can we leave?

What are you so scared of?

Oh, I don't know. Wandering around in a creepy abandoned hotel.

Have you seen The Shining?

No. Have you?

No, but I'm pretty sure there's a mean hotel in it. Just stay for ten minutes,

and we'll have the best recess story since Nelson kissed the school nurse.

Okay, ten minutes.

You're right.

There's nobody here.

Except for us.

Unexpected guests.

Let the show begin.

Welcome aboard the Cosmic Cruiser.

Sideshow Mel?

Side what whom? There is no one here by that name. Just I, Captain Ragamuffin

Tigaro.

I think these are the actors from the hotel.

Hotel? By the moons of Pergamore. This space traveler is confused.

After teleporting aboard, many passengers do experience warp delirium.

Mr. Van Houten? No, no, no, you shut up!

Uh, don't use my human name here. I'm in character.

That's actor talk for pretending to be not Kirk.

But why?

The hotel's closed.

Just temporarily for retooling. The company said we're going to reopen real

soon.

Don't you see what's going on? These dweebs spent so much time rehearsing

these roles, they can't walk away.

Which means we can experience thousands of dollars worth of cringe for free.

Private Simpson, sir. New cat recruit reporting for duty.

Ah, welcome aboard, soldier.

This is First Officer Puffykin Starclaw and Lieutenant Commander Chuck Meowsky.

Real talk, don't step out of line, new guy. And you and me will be Gucci.

His backstory is he's from New York. Wish I'd thought of that.

And what about you?

What is your home planet and galactic political affiliation?

Oh, no, no, thank you. No, I'm not participating.

Come on, Lise, you love role play.

No, I don't. Really?

You seem like the type.

Come on, give it a shot.

Um, okay, my name is Loriana Nebula.

Oh, yeah, that's pretty good.

I am the junior senator from Planet Valedictoria. I have a black belt in

laser jitsu, despite my noble birth. Also, I raise hyper pigs, and I secretly

worry that my evil stepmother, Queen Calico, plots my demise.

In honor to meet such a well-thought-out character, install the Cosmic

Cruiser app onto their communication devices.

Um, the app's still got a few bugs.

Why am I suddenly getting tons of ads for insurance?

Don't click on those!

Ow! Ow!

Oof! Ow!

How did they... Where am I supposed to put my... You young catlings are lucky.

You get to see the number one singing star in the galaxy, Kita.

Oh, no.

I'm a space sensation.

Galactic phenomenon.

Music is the mission.

Destination fascination.

Just what is this instrument?

Very futuristic.

I like how future music sounds like terrible today music.

anything to eat other than hyperdrive pretzels? Not at all, but we do have

plenty of trans-dimensional cheese dip for the pretzels.

Isn't cheese more of a mouse food?

How could you possibly know that? Unless you were a mouse sympathizer.

I admit everything.

My character is secretly in league with the mice.

That's my storyline.

Damn, I'm good at this.

Take this rebel to the brig!

You won't be quite so brave after a few light years in prison. Don't worry,

there's no prison. I'm only acting. Don't make trouble, spy!

Still acting. For real!

For pretend.

Okay, dropping character.

My parents want Bart and me to check in every hour, but my phone isn't working.

No, that's our app. It screws up texting and calling.

And it writes swear words on your vacation photos.

I hope they're not worried about us.

We all love to dance and sing.

We kick our feet and we flap our wings.

We jump and spin with such delight.

Watch our eyes move left and right.

Here's to a day with no rides.

Aren't we not supposed to drink alcohol after taking motion sickness medicine?

I think I heard that, yes.

Looking for mouse rebels?

No, I'm looking for... Toilet paper?

Oh, we've been out for months.

Actually, isn't there supposed to be a wisecracking robot cruise director on

board? You mean Kit 10?

He's either running a trivia contest in the litter box lounge, or he's stuck in

the day spa's revolving door again.

The spa?

Of course.

I'm gonna go look for him. Don't forget your primary mission.

Finding hidden QR stickers and scanning them for promo codes.

Just part of what...

Greetings, fellow passenger.

What galaxy are you from?

Oklahoma State.

Yeah, these guys aren't part of the Cosmic Cruiser immersive experience.

They work in the park.

We're college students who got summer jobs at Krusty Land.

The pay is so garbage, we can't afford rent. We're forced to squat in this

abandoned hotel.

Retooling hotel.

Can't your parents come get you? They told our parents we're dead!

Who the hell are you, Kit-10?

I want to leave.

This place is creeping me out.

We can't leave. Not yet.

Please. This was supposed to be my special day. I hear you. You've been

heard. Now shut up and help me search the kitchen.

What are you looking for? Why can't we just leave?

It occurred to me just now that Kit-10 is somewhere in this hotel, and if we

found it, a one-of-a-kind collectible like that could be worth a lot of money?

Kit-10, that stupid robot, even if you find it, they're not gonna let you just

carry it out of here.

Think! I did think.

I brought my pillowcase to smuggle him out. See?

Oops.

I never wanted to come to Krusty Land to spend time with me. You just wanted to

sneak in here and steal that dumb, valuable robot.

No, I didn't. How could I have known the hotel gate would be unlocked?

Bolt cutters, you cut that padlock.

All that stuff you said about missing being a super explorer with me was all

just a big, fat lie.

You ruined the one good memory I have with you.

I will never, ever believe you care about me again.

A ship is under attack!

The hull has been breached!

Space is pouring in!

Not now, Mel!

Space battles wait for no man!

The next one won't happen until exactly this time tomorrow.

Prepare the ship for hyperspace!

I'm not playing anymore!

This stupid hotel is the fakest, worst pretend immersion I've ever seen!

No one could ever convince themselves this is real!

This is a hotel, not a spaceship. How is it plastic? A horse!

It's not possible!

No way!

Yes way!

Yes way to the stars!

Dropping character, we're all going to die!

I'm gonna text Mom and Dad.

Hey, that's a great price on bundling my home in auto.

Don't click on that!

The kids haven't checked in all day.

Something's wrong.

Think. What's the worst place they could possibly be?

To rent a gift shop with one of our credit cards!

Of course. Let's go!

No, thespians, don't panic.

Remember, the hotel was closed for retooling.

The super realistic flying special effect must be the retooling.

Yeah!

Working actors!

Working actors!

You fools. You wonderful fools.

We are flying to our doom.

Disgraced former Crusty Co. CEO Don Jeffries!

That's right, children.

And now I haunt the hallways of this, my greatest failure.

How in the hell is this hotel really flying?

Think about it. When a corporation makes a giant mistake, what is their only

reasonable course of action?

customers money to slowly regain their trust no way destroy the evidence and

pretend the whole thing never happened which is why crusty is doing exactly

what i would have done in his place airlift this hotel by helicopter and

drop it in the ocean but our deaths won't be in vain because as we plunge to

the ocean floor this sad failure will transform through the magic of

accounting into the greatest tax write-off in corporate history

so we're not

Retooling? Oh, not at all. We're drowning.

We have to find a way to signal to the helicopters that there are people in

here. She's right. We need to generate ideas. And what's the most powerful tool

in our acting toolbox?

Improv!

Ensemble, form a fantastical thinking machine.

It's working!

Okay,

Kitten, climb that ladder to the roof and use your birthday party confetti

cannon to signal the helicopters.

I will do so, but you can stay in contact through the Cosmic Cruiser app,

which I recently downloaded to my CPU.

Okay, Bart, it's up to you.

I can't.

I'm scared of heights.

What? You said you've been on the Burj Krustifa ride a dozen times.

Nope, not once. I lied. I love lying.

It's more thrilling than any ride.

Well, can't fix that problem right now.

What problem?

Look, I think I can do it. If you'll do it with me.

I can't. I can't. I'm too scared.

Super explorers, brave and smart. Super explorers, Lisa and Bart. We're not

afraid of scary stuff. Scary stuff's afraid of us. That was our song.

You remembered.

Super explorers, brave and smart. Super explorers, Lisa and Bart.

Help! Help us!

Help! Hey, there's children down there.

Oh yeah, look at...

I guess we gotta turn all these helicopters around and never get that

giant tax ride off.

Or... There's no or, sir.

Yeah, you're right.

You know, kids are naturally very buoyant. I read that they... Yeah,

you're right.

My ride off!

My beautiful, beautiful ride off!

We're not afraid of scary stuff. Scary stuff's afraid of us. So, did you two

have fun on your own today?

I tells you, the day just flew by.

Indeed. It was very uplifting.

Why are they laughing?

What was funny about that?

Who cares?

Now, what section did we park our car in?

Mr. Teeny 5.

Okay, Mr. Teeny 3. Mr. Teeny 4.

Giant sideways building.

Oh, man, I parked under the hotel.

Initiate emotion.

Fire the desire ray.

Temptation constellation.

Love is a tractor beam A supernova fantasy Fall into my gravity

Dancing in the party sector Moving to the quantum rhythm Space is where we

work it more A trillion species on the dance floor Everyone looks sort of human

Wearing face paint and prosthetics Tentacles and forehead ridges Blue and

green and pink and purple Space