Original subtitles

Nadine?

Nadine, are you okay?

Grace, is that you?

You all right? I heard you scream.

Oh, that was a good scream.

Stop it. I'm trying to talk to you.

Grace, are we keeping you up? You're keeping everybody up, Nadine.

Grace, would you mind if Nadine talked to you in the morning?

No, Wade, would you mind closing the window?

No, not a problem.

Good night, Grace.

Good night, Nadine. Good night, Grace.

Good night, John boy.

Can you see me walking down the street?

Beatbox plays a click track to my empty mind.

Now my walkman's playing a slow and endless march.

and i'm looking for that bright spot in the sky but in

my eyes there's a perfect world i can see it a

perfect world

come

in here doing that Perky morning after carnal victory dance.

Aunt Nadine's so hateful, her and Wade doing it like bunnies in a hutch and

Mama's got tumbleweeds rolling through her bedroom.

It's your own fault. You've had plenty of opportunities.

Oh, please, Nadine. What about that last guy you went out with?

The farmer? Yeah, what was his name?

Virgil Brown. Yes, I went out with Farmer Brown.

Well, now it's just a name. He was a cute man.

Oh, he was adorable.

He had three fingers missing from a combine accident and kept them in his

glove compartment.

Hey, hey, Grace, you want to see a pinky in a jar?

Okay, what about that Pat Mueller guy? He was a catch.

Do not throw him up in my face. He's the one who wanted a menage a trois, only

you had to inflate the trois.

Okay, so maybe you have had a couple of bad experiences.

Twelve.

Well, I keep telling you, you ought to try going to one of those second-time

-around dances.

Oh, Parents Without a Prayer?

I'm not that desperate.

Desperate has nothing to do with it. They're just divorced people like you

trying to start over again.

All right, I go to one of the dances. I meet a guy. He looks at me. He thinks,

35 years old, three kids, works in an oil refinery, 40 bucks in the bank. Oh,

boy, that's the gal for me.

Well, it just so happens I met Wade at one of those dances.

That's not what you told me.

Actually, it was in the parking lot. He was throwing up on his shoes.

What are the odds that anything sexy like that would happen to me?

Oh, come on, Grace. Where else are you going to meet somebody? In a bar? Huh?

In a bowling alley? In some joint filled with long-haired sexual deviants on

motorcycles?

What kind of motorcycles?

What else are you going to be doing on Saturday night?

How come you were always pushing me to date?

Honey, it's just natural for men and women to be together. It goes back to

Adam and Eve.

Well, but there wasn't anybody else for either of them to date.

Okay, Scarlett and Rhett. He dumped her.

Romeo and Juliet.

Double suicide.

Bert and Lonnie. Where have you been?

Bill and Hillary.

Give it time.

Okay, Libby, let's see what you got here. You got three quarters, two dimes,

and a nickel. I saved it up.

Good. Now I'm going to show you what the government thinks about your dollar.

Wood, she's just a little girl.

You want her to learn about taxes on the street?

Okay, now, Libby, let's pretend your brother here is President Clinton.

How come he gets to be president?

Because he has no money and he wants yours.

Now, he's going to take a quarter, dime, and nickel of your dollar for what's

called taxes.

What's it called? do with all my money? He's gonna waste it, honey.

But you know what the sad part is?

He's not satisfied and he wants more, so he takes another dime and he spends it

on something called FICA.

What's that?

Nobody really knows.

Okay, Cinderella's off to the ball. Let's hope the pumpkin starts.

Mama, how come the president gets to steal my money?

Ask Uncle Wade. He voted for him.

Libby and Quentin, the reason we have to pay taxes is because for 12 years there

was a circus in town.

Were there clowns?

Whoo, were there clowns?

That's why it cost so much to clean up the mess the elephants left behind.

Okay, let me show Aunt Nadine my dress.

What do you think?

You look wonderful.

Well, it's not polyester, but I think it screams desperate.

Going to this dance does not mean you're desperate.

She's right, Grace.

I met Nadine at one of those loser proms. Why?

Well, actually, it wasn't inside the dance.

She was out in the parking lot throwing up on her shoes.

Gotta go.

You guys be good. Let me show you.

Why you gotta go out, Mama? This is your mom's big chance to meet guys with white

belts and sprayed on hair.

Go on, get out of here. Have some fun.

Speaking of fun, that couch is not scotch-guarded.

Welcome to second time around. Thanks.

You're in luck. We seem to have a lot more widowers than divorce men tonight.

They're generally a much happier group.

Oh, boy.

Point me at them.

A little tip.

Don't sit down.

You're more likely to be asked to dance if you stand.

Well, I think I'm desperate. What about you?

I think you're desperate, too.

Nice belt.

Oh, thanks.

Been to one of these before?

Uh, no. This is my first time. Hi, Russ.

Oh, hi, Nancy. You saved that last dance for me, Doc.

You got it.

Doc? It's just a nickname lots of people call their pharmacist, Doc.

You're a surgeon and a pharmacist?

Hi.

Hi. Can I buy you a drink?

No, thanks. I'm fine. Well, look.

I pulled a quarter out of your ear.

Why? It's magic.

Really?

You know, I can pull a rabbit out of my pants.

I bet so.

I can pull a gun out of my purse.

Hi. Hi.

So, uh, widowed or divorced?

Divorced. But I wish he was dead.

How about you?

Widowed.

I'm sorry. How long has it been since your wife passed away?

This morning.

Just kidding.

The services were this morning.

She actually died last Thursday.

Want to dance?

Hi, remember me?

Nope. Well, I remember you.

Not another magic act.

No, but I'm pretty good at reading minds.

Well, let's see. You were born in Huntsville, Alabama.

You've got two sisters, and your best friend was married to one of the

greatest-looking guys to ever barely graduate from Huntsville. Andy.

Hey, how are you? I didn't recognize you. Hi, Grace. God, what are you doing

here? Oh, I'm just sitting in for the sax player in the band.

Pretty lame gig, however.

Tell me about it.

What about you? What are you doing here?

I'm here, uh, supporting a friend.

He's having a hard time getting women.

Well, that belt isn't helping him any.

Nadine ever get over me?

Uh, yeah. She got over you and over you and over you, and Nadine's on her fourth

husband. Oh, man.

She's doing great.

What about you? Are you still married to Jimmy?

No, I set him free. I returned him to the wild where he could be among his own

kind. Good for you. Oh, you still look great. Thanks. I got three kids now.

You still look great.

Well, you said that.

Well, how about you? Did you get remarried? No, still solo.

Look, I got to go to work.

Don't leave, okay?

Maybe we could go out and have a cup of coffee later?

Right, yeah.

You look great.

Well, Grace, I think I hit pay dirt.

Russell, eventually you're going to have to tell these women you're not a doctor.

Right after the physical.

No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Looks like you met somebody, nice guy.

Great guy.

Well, you don't seem too happy about it.

He's Nadine's ex-husband.

Is that a problem?

Well, what would you do if your best friend started dating your ex-wife?

Well, Grace, my best friend is you, so I guess I'd want to watch.

I don't believe you. I went to those dances for months and never met anybody

good. You met somebody the first time?

Well, sort of.

How'd it go with the kids? The kids are fine. Come on, tell me.

Did the baby wake up?

Yes, he woke up. I gave him a bottle and he went back to sleep. Tell me.

Well, he was in the band.

Oh, that's great. A musician. Do you know my first husband was a musician?

I remember.

What's he play?

Sax. And he played baritone sax.

Tenor. Oh, yeah.

Vivian, I have something to tell you. Oh, my God. You didn't do it with him in

his van. That's what I did the first time with Andy.

No, we just went out and had coffee.

So what do you need to tell me?

Boy, it's really a small world.

How small?

Andy says, hey.

You went out with my ex-husband.

Well, we had coffee. And you didn't tell me about it? Well, I just got home. I'm

telling you now.

Why is your eye twitching?

Eye's not twitching.

How does he look?

Is he bald? Is he fat?

He looked great.

Damn.

He asked me out. I said no. You're my best friend. It's just too creepy.

Oh, now, that's ridiculous.

He is ancient history to me.

We married right out of high school. We were both so young and naive.

What'd you talk about?

Just playing catch-up.

Did you talk about me?

No.

Oh, what do you mean, no?

My best friend and my ex-husband go out for coffee and they don't talk about me?

What kind of sense is that supposed to make?

There goes that eye again.

Can we not talk about my eye?

Are you going to go out with him? I said no.

Why?

I don't have a problem with it.

What's going on?

Nothing. Oh, no, not nothing. Grace met my first husband at the dance tonight

and he asked her out.

Oh, that's great. I'm going to go home and go to bed.

See, he doesn't have a problem with it.

Why should I, do you?

No, of course not.

Maybe I have the problem with it. Oh, please. This kind of thing happens all

the time. You like him, don't you?

Yeah, I like him.

All right, we'll go out. Good.

Where are you going to go?

Probably someplace in his van.

That's not funny.

It's probably dinner or something.

Hey, I know. Why don't we all go out together?

That is a terrible idea. Oh, you're right. Okay, well, I'll have dinner at

my house. It'll be much more casual. Heck, I even know what he likes to eat.

Come on, Wade, let's go to bed.

What's wrong with her eye?

Boy, he looks great.

You sure you're all right with this? I mean... He was your first. Oh, God, no.

I mean husband.

Oh, yeah.

Look, Nadine, we got to set some ground rules, okay?

I don't think you should talk about your marriage to Andy because that's going to

make Andy and Wade and me kind of uncomfortable.

Okay. And don't talk about sex because that's going to make all of us fidget.

Got it.

Nadine, whatever you're cooking in there smells great.

What about food?

Food's fine.

Thanks, Andy. I made your favorite turkey casserole.

No, no, see, that was wrong. It's only in food. For some reason, I think that

made all of us feel a bit uneasy.

Fine, maybe I should just shut up and not say anything.

There you go.

So, you were the first, huh?

Oh, God, no.

I mean husband.

Oh, yeah, first husband.

Did you ever meet the other two?

No. Two and three are actually the same guy. She married him twice.

Oh, wow.

That's weird. She likes being hit by rice.

What do you mean, oh, God, no?

They're talking about me. I know they're talking about me.

Am I being paranoid?

No, I'm pretty sure they're talking about you.

Oh, jeez, now they're laughing. I can't stand this.

Oh, um, Andy, Grace tells me that you never married again.

I just never found the right woman.

Boy, I must have spooked you pretty bad, huh?

Did I ever tell you last summer I played some gigs with Bo Diddley down in

Austin, Texas?

No kidding.

It was a blast.

You know, Andy, Wade won the Silver Star in Vietnam.

Nadine. Honey, I'm really proud of that.

It's no big deal, really.

I was a Jeep driver in Joey Heatherton's USO show.

We had an artillery attack, and I threw my body on top of her.

Poor as hell.

He's also an incredible artist, and he makes a great living with the phone

company, and you can bounce a quarter off his stomach.

Yeah, well, I got a great idea.

Why don't we leave these two alone for a little while, and you come with me in

the kitchen and help me toss a salad. Okay.

He's also a great cook.

Come on, Nadine.

Uh, this wasn't a great idea, was it?

Well, no, but I think we can make it work.

Me and Nadine, we've had a long time to get over each other.

I'm here to see you.

Well, that's sweet.

Do you still have any feelings for Jimmy?

I don't know. Does loathing count as a feeling?

Yeah, I always thought Jimmy should have been set on fire and thrown down a mine

shaft.

You're trying to seduce me. It's working.

Well, good.

Maybe if you have the babysitter long enough, we can take a drive after

dinner. Take my van.

We'll take my car.

So, how you holding up there, sport?

What do you mean?

Oh, come on. This has got to be kind of weird for you.

Oh, you mean Andy?

Nah.

Going to be able to make it through dinner?

Let me tell you something, Grace.

I once laid on my back in three feet of water and breathed through a eucalyptus

reed while a Viet Cong patrol stood right next to me doing their damn

laundry. I think I can make it through dinner with an unarmed saxophone player.

This is killing you, isn't it?

I'm dying.

So, Andy, where else you been playing?

Vegas and Miami, mostly.

Indy took a couple years off to teach music to kids at this Indian reservation

out in New Mexico.

It was something I always wanted to do.

I never knew that.

Well, it's not important now.

I'd like to propose a toast to our hosts.

Wade, thank you for inviting me to your home. I've really enjoyed meeting you.

And Nadine, I'm truly glad to see that you found some happiness.

You deserve it, darling.

Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers.

It's Nadine.

Boy, can Nadine cook or what?

You want to know who's really a great cook? Wait till you taste Grace's

cooking. What?

I can't cook. I just melt cheese all over everything.

That's not true. And she's a wonderful mother, too.

Wait till you meet her kids. They're just well-behaved, soft-spoken little

angels. Nadine, come back.

I'm just trying to tell Andy what a cat you are. I mean, when you meet two

people who are so obviously well-suited to each other and who listen to each

other, well, you just want to do everything you can to make sure this one

doesn't get away.

Andy here, he's great. I mean, there's nothing wrong with him.

All these years, I thought that there was something wrong with him, but look

at him. He's okay. There never was anything wrong with him.

Dinner and a show.

Fact. Minute.

You alright?

I don't think they noticed.

Oh, stop!

Let me guess. You still care about Andy? No, not at all.

Oh, Nadine, cut it out. I never saw you act that way.

I'm serious. I love my Wade.

Well, then what the hell was that about? Here, blow.

I looked at Andy tonight, and I saw a great guy.

He wasn't a jerk. I've spent the last 12 years of my life telling myself he was.

And I sat there, and it occurred to me that none of my husbands were jerks.

It was me.

That's not true.

Your second husband was a monumental piece of garbage.

Oh, right.

Don't try and make me feel better. I screwed up that marriage, too.

At least you can live with yourself. You really did marry a jackass.

Thanks, Nadine.

And you didn't just quit him at the first sign that he was insane. No, you

hung in there and kept having babies one after another after another. That's

enough, Nadine.

You're really a terrific person, Grace.

It's no wonder Andy likes you.

Well, I don't care whether he likes me. I'm not going to see him anymore.

Why not?

I know you too well, Nadine.

You'd never feel right if me and Andy went out together.

And I'm just not willing to risk our friendship over it.

Oh, hell, after what I've been through the last couple of years, I need a

friend a lot more than I need a lover.

He was really good.

Shut up, Nadine.

I'll meet somebody else.

There's got to be one or two guys you hadn't been with.

I'll type up a short list.

Come on, let's go.

I've got a cousin.

Nadine? He's a really great person.

What's wrong with him? He's got an extra thumb.

As long as you don't try and take him bowling, it's really not a problem.

I bet he's a hell of a hitchhiker.

It was great seeing you again.

Yeah, same here.

Listen, I'm playing at the Ramada for a few weeks, and I'll be back this way

around Christmas. I don't know, Andy.

Nadine has a good friend.

Nadine's got a good axe.

Tell me about it.