Original subtitles

In my play, I try to take people to places

they've never been before.

I want them to experience what their mind

hasn't thought of yet.

It's a shortcut to a spiritual journey.

Ira was unique.

She was the most extreme dominatrix that I had encountered,

which is what I guess really intrigued me about the woman

before I'd met the woman.

Ira, she was well known.

She was a very skilled mistress.

She was someone I was looking up to.

She has creativity.

She has energy.

She has determination and she doesn't give up.

How the bond is with my mother, it's beyond words.

When we are together, it's very beautiful.

When I was visiting Ira, it was dark

and you were entering really in another world.

she has this ability to let people experiment in some ways

without them even knowing that they're doing something

and then after, they even like it.

So when I first heard, it was that actually she'd been

arrested for murder and that was completely shocking.

I know that she's not capable of doing something like that.

Definitely not intentionally.

I was on the phone with my mother and when I heard the bell,

I told my mother that my client had arrived and she said,

I hope you never have a dead person in a session and at that moment that she says that I open the

door and I'm actually facing that. I first met Ira in 2009 because I knew her daughter Charlotte for

a year and I think the first time that I met her was at actually her place in Saint Job in Gros.

It's the last house on the left. It's sort of like a small castle. It's a hard place you know

The living is very very cozy, but then when you go upstairs there's like this room where

Beera has her sessions.

Charlotte once told me that it was haunted by ghosts and I actually immediately believed her.

At one of the parties actually, one of the most craziest parties I've ever been to,

when I got to know her everybody was saying her mother is one of the most extreme dominatrixes in

Europe, so I was really excited like whoa what is this woman gonna be because where I come from

the SNM world is really really frowned upon and everybody's conservative so this was really

really exciting for me. It's really intense when you meet her but she really looks like a superhero

you know like a super villain actually with a big eyeliner and the jawline and the leather suit

but when I got to know her she was really she's really caring and she gives so much to the people

around her. In the Clutter class we hold her down. She will do everything she can and everything she

Better than a number, with all the overall best of you in the class.

That's a very dominant average kid in the class.

That's all in my spare time and my first day in school.

I was the oldest and I didn't know anything about the bathroom or the house.

But I didn't know anything about Ira.

Because we had a very old school.

An older guy who beat me up in school.

I told her, Ira, that guy beat me.

and she went up to him and in that time she had long nails

and she scratched his face open as a revenge.

Father and I, we are somehow like sisters and sometimes we switch

sometimes I'm the mother and sometimes she's the daughter

sometimes I'm the daughter and she's the mother like a Rorschach

we are like a mirror. She always knows what's best for me somehow

and she's really supporting my dreams. If I cannot make it happen

she will make it happen for me. We are also best friends. We can talk about everything and I don't

know when we're together we have so much fun. I just want to describe BDSM for the people who've

never heard about it. It literally means bondage, domination and sadomasochism. When we talk about

pain and humiliation I think what my clients got out of that most of all was the pleasure of seeing

me handle their pain and being humiliated, but the thing was they wanted to do it for

me.

So it made them special, which then gave me like this mental high of being in control

and deciding and seeing all these people do all these really extreme things for me.

Pretty, or you can be beautiful, but you have to have charisma to have this je ne sais quoi.

I kind of only accepted that I could actually take advantage of my looks when I was 30 and

I just thought, OK, I'll just go for it then.

But otherwise, I just got so annoyed that people would see me as something lusty instead

of something clever.

I wanted people to appreciate me for my brain.

I did everything I could to just mask myself as much as possible by wearing tails and hats

and being a little bit gothic.

I was asked a few times to judge a female competition.

And in the break in between, I ended up giving lots of female tips about how they could actually look more like a woman.

It was always funny, as soon as I entered, the other judges who were already there said,

You win!

Because they think I'm also a man.

Because I have such a square face and so muscly arms, so they thought, oh yeah, okay.

And then they said, yeah, your makeup is subtle and you have really feminine features.

Yeah, I'm a woman.

I like men in makeup. I like it a lot when they have like a little line under their eyes and brown or gray or black.

It doesn't have to be a lascope look. That's a little bit too much for me.

My name is Celavon Trapp and I live in Antwerp and as you can see I'm just a rich housewife.

Sometimes I'm a Parisian lady. No, fuck that.

My name is Peter Blokmans actually and I'm a psychiatrist nurse.

I remember a party at Ira's place where I think it was somewhere around Christmas because

we were all snowed in.

It's one of the best parties I've ever went to.

One of the things that comes to mind is there was a big bed but there wasn't a mattress

in the bed.

The bed was made of dildos.

I just remember Ira sitting on the bed performing and giving everyone a life.

And being there in that place and time is just, I think, something I really needed at

that time.

pleasant escape from reality. It was like we were all outcasts, but there was so much

togetherness and everybody was just celebrating life.

The BDSM scene is all about two or more people playing together with mutual consent. And

I kind of think it's a personal thing for everybody how they fill it in. It's a different

way of expressing some kind of connection with someone. And the more you like the person,

the more pleasure you have in hurting them.

BDSM is a lifestyle, it goes also beyond just a certain amount of play, it can also become

a complete way of living.

The very first time I had the fortune of playing with Ira, a mutual friend and I had travelled

to her premises in Belgium, we'd been invited for the weekend.

Ira asked me what would I like to do for this evening, so I said well actually I've never

tried rope bondage that's something that I would be interested in seeing how it

feels for me and she set about spending the next 45 minutes absolutely expertly

tying me down she then set about with a beating and beat me with an inch of my

life very respectfully and absolutely joyfully it lasted for over an hour

when we were done when the session was over I have to say I wasn't sure which

Each one of us was more exhausted, me or her, but it was fantastic experience.

I think I read somewhere that there's 172 different aspects of the things that are considered

BDSM.

But I'm pretty sure that apart from these 172, I invented at least 200 extra.

Anything that involves being tied up, being restricted, being suffocated, being humiliated,

being used as a toilet, being beaten up, but more like in a spank room.

like like a boxer does it when somebody beats you up that's not BDSM that's just

brutality but in a consensual way. I know a lot of people would find it difficult

to understand how you process the feelings and thoughts that are going

through your mind in receiving a beating the processing it's different every time

What Ira and I always shared was the rhythm.

It's always felt very rhythmic with her.

It's always been very intense, but none less sensual.

You see, sensuality in itself can become so erotic

that in itself it becomes pleasurable to the point

where you get turned on.

And what I would like to remind people of is

of is that the first thing that happened was a friendship got formed and then the play

happened after that.

One of my friends, he doesn't hear very well, so usually when we would send him off shopping,

he would stay away too long.

So we said like, let's find a solution for that.

So I said to my friend, there's an egg timer there and it has a really nice oval shape.

What if I put it in his bum and we put it on 60 minutes and send him to the supermarket

and he will get this alarm going off inside and then he will know now it's time to go back.

He's very deaf as well. He didn't even hear the egg timer go off so by the time he was back we

talked about this and then we completely forgot about the egg timer for the next two days and then

it was very difficult to get it back out. When I was 21 I got married and when I was pregnant

and Charlotte was born everything just came easy. Just instincts took over and I had a really

wonderful child. So I stayed married for 13 years in total and the last year was

more separated than dealing with the divorce but I will always be very

grateful for that because it gave me my wonderful daughter Charlotte. My parents

were both artists those days so we all looked quite different always like the Adams

family, like very extravagant. It was the 90s 80s back then so you can imagine. My

My mother was always a lot more fun than other mothers.

She has definitely a goddess inside, goddess spirit, but she's also very sensitive.

She has a strong willpower.

She dares.

All my friends were always wishing they had a mother like mine.

I think I started doming in 99 or maybe in the year 2000, but that was more like on a

part-time basis and on and off.

At that point, my daughter didn't know anything about it.

She thought I was always going to work in a casino.

So when I had my own dungeon, the first years I used to receive my clients at the back of

the house, where she also had no idea about what was going on because it was completely

separated from the house where we lived in, and then I slowly introduced her, explaining

to her what it was like.

For me the doming wasn't sexual at all, and then she was more comfortable with it.

Charlotte told me, hey my mother does dominatrix things as a profession.

I said okay, sounds interesting, normally her friends were always like, oh, okay, okay,

I was like, ah, okay, so what is this and she said let me just take you to a fetish party

Just come with me to my mother. So I went with her to St. Jop. I

Arrived there and she came to me. Ah, we can wear this or this or this or this

so she was very friendly very caring not as I would think dominatrix would be very

Buddhist now do that now she was like

Nice to see you good at Charlotte find a good friend even as a gay man

I found Ira and Charlotte very appealing in their being. I never saw a mother-and-daughter relationship like them

their relationship is really like a

Friendship that is mothering from the one side to the other and from the other side to the one and that's what really attracted me

To Charlotte and then Ira just put a little scoop on top of it like yeah

You can be yourself, but you can also be yourself forever

I chose the name Lucrezia because I was kind of fond of Lucrezia the Borgia

the strength that she had as a woman.

She was like one of the first women who really made a difference.

And then Mistress Lucrezia started having a life of her own.

After some time, when I had my own dungeon, we merged into one.

So the era persona and the Lucrezia got along so well that we became one.

It's different, stranger, I mean, you name it, she's got everything.

Fashion shows or performances, and that keeps me busy.

and sometimes I wonder what the fuck am I doing this for because it's such a lot of hassle and

work but it's always kind of a kick to do it I think. We went to the showboat in Amsterdam it

was almost like a parting of the waves you know people saw her coming and they all kind of moved

to the side. Like in Montreal when I was wearing that inflatable coat they had really people

stopping you on the way and saying wow this is amazing but it always works with the latex you

always get lots of attention. I personally get a lot from her. You know, just being in her presence,

she inspires me. I don't like to repeat myself and I never want to do the same session or never

the same performance. There is nothing wrong if you have a fetish, it's kind of a family.

You dress up and you have fun together, you dance, there are all kind of shows, there are playing

area she can get in and touch with people who tell you more about seeing clothing is really

important actually i like to to dress myself open and then changing to another person it's the best

job there is combining all creativity so it's not always appreciated by the outside world

i was like some people would describe it wet dream for the slaves what was the most attractive

thing for them was that I was real. I was so happy that I had finally had my own dungeon,

could do my own thing, could take my own time, and that was really what I wanted.

It was hidden in the wood. It was like a haunted house. You were entering through a wooden door,

and then on the left there was a living room that was basically the private place of

era then we were going up a few stairs and on the one right was her dungeon it was a smaller room

that was more a kind of clinic house clinic room and another room that was a major BDSM room with

a lot of tools and and a lot of different piece of equipments it was like you were entering really

in another world.

Over the 11 years that I've been doing this, like, day in and day out, and never had anything

happen.

It was so, so short, and we were only, like, starting for 15 minutes that I saw that something

went wrong.

The guy arrived and said that he had been to another session.

So I said to him, if you don't feel up like playing, then don't worry about it.

we can just do something else.

And then he went upstairs.

And when I came back upstairs, he was putting on rubber.

He never had any problems with it

because he'd been here already three times

for long sessions where he just had been doing

the same thing.

But then, well, when we started first balloon,

he asked for more and more.

And after the third one as well,

he just looked at us and he smiled.

then he closed his eyes again. He made a normal sound that he normally makes, just a little bit

of a snoring sound. Then he opened his eyes again and and he looked at me as if he was like saying

goodbye and and I immediately thought there was something wrong. He's falling, he's falling away

or something and and so I opened a bottle of poppers to see if he would like have this

reflects in like smelling salts but nothing happened so I asked the other

person who was in the house to call the ambulance so I started doing the heart

massage and after a while he just started looking much better and in the

meantime the other person in the house had told me that the ambulance was on

the way but because of all the running around and the shouting and whatever my

My daughter who is also in the house had woken up as well.

I was sleeping downstairs in the living room in the couch and then I woke up from a very

strange sound so I went upstairs to see what was happening and I saw my mother completely

shocked trying to do everything she could to save his life but it was too late.

And then we realized that that was like a very difficult situation to deal with first

First of all because we liked the person and we didn't want this to happen of course and

you just feel like this is the worst thing that a person can do a job like mine can have.

A moment when you face death you cannot really believe what's happening because it all seems

so unreal.

Normally something like that wouldn't really happen into our lives.

It seems very impossible but that day it was.

I talked back about that morning when he was at the door.

I was on the phone with my mother and when I heard the bell I told my mother

that my client had arrived and she said I

hope you never have a dead person in session and at that moment that she

says that I opened the door and I'm actually facing

death. At that point I didn't know that yet but

it was also a very strange thing for my mother to say because it's the first

time she ever said something like that. So in a way she must have felt it. She must have felt it

with the connection that she has with her daughter that something was going wrong.

Please turned up at my house after the ambulance had gone said that the guy was dead and then it

all started to get a little bit out of proportion so they took us with them and then at three

At three o'clock in the morning they decided that me and my assistant, we couldn't go home.

The other ones were brought home and we were brought to jail.

The war is over and the peace is over.

The war is over, and it was a very short period.

The human cell, that is built by the main minister,

that is the mayor of Lucrezia, is still hot.

The things he did in Belgium, it's not allowed.

It's difficult when you're a policeman and your relative is in prison,

that you have to separate the facts.

Everything has to be investigated.

The whole story has blown up because the job she did is not known in Belgium.

It was big news and the local press and the tabloids and the media in general were on it.

So they couldn't make mistakes and somebody has to be punished for that.

And I think Ira was the victim of the whole story.

She's no murderer. It happened for instance.

It's a sad accident.

I had to accept what police in Antwerp were investigating.

When I first heard it, I was shocked.

I thought now it's going to make a big difference for her and the way she lives.

The only thing I hope that to stay in the prison shouldn't be that long.

It could go both ways.

She could be punished for years or she could go free.

So it was a difficult period for the whole family.

When I was in jail dealing with this, I had real conflicts in my head about the mourning process of somebody I liked.

When I went to lie down and try to sleep, which wasn't really possible, I just had like spasms where I told the psychiatrist in jail that I needed some medication to ease those conflicts of mourning and having to save your own skin.

and I'll write and I'll just use my imagination for other things and try to think as less as possible that I'm actually in jail.

I can't even start to imagine what it must have been like for the family of my client.

The horror they've been through, how it's been all blown out of proportion by the press and I really felt for them as well.

My heart goes out to them just as much as it went out to him and I never would have wanted this to happen to anybody.

to anybody. I first thought something happened with Ira or Charlotte because suddenly ambulance

arrived and doctors and they stayed and we didn't see anything. We got a message

that something had to had happened and they were in shock. A lot of police cars after a few hours

They went out and then they took Ira and Charlotte.

She was very deep into the BDSM scene

and there were some people who were trying to push her borders.

The reporters keep coming and try to get up and take photographs and film.

So when I first heard it was that actually she'd been arrested for murder,

that was completely shocking because I, you know, the relationship that I have with Ira,

I know that she's not capable of doing something like that.

definitely not intentionally my first reaction was paralyzed and not knowing what to think what to do

charlotte came to me to ask for help because she already had a plan from morning till night every

day people were calling me all the time all the time she said like my mom is going to jail and

she didn't reply afterwards so we were really really really fucking concerned like what was

What was up?

A lot of newspapers were going around with all the bad news and all the lies, especially

lies.

It was the headline of one of these tacky magazines, like dominatrix sentenced for murder.

Lawyers told me, just have to shut up and don't play private detective because it's

dangerous, you don't have to do those things, you're not able, you're just a child.

Normally a reaction would be, oh no, my mother, what should I do?

just panic and like being helpless but this Charlotte that I met that day was a

totally different person she was like okay so what can we do we can write

letters all the people that know her write letters about how it really is

then we start finding a lawyer doing this doing that like everything that you

need to do in such a situation she was doing it like a business woman like

during the reconstruction they used a dummy I could actually prove that it was

impossible for us to have overdosed the client on nitrous oxide, but using the

dummy they could see that we couldn't have overdosed the person because of the

high pressure on the bottle. The tube just went off when somebody's not

inhaling. When somebody's not breathing in the gas the whole system doesn't work.

We couldn't have given him any more. We had to do the reconstruction. There were

like 20 people in the room. Then Charlotte ran inside and explains her that she was

there when it happened but sleeping came down and then explains everything how

she remembers that it happened and because of her honesty and humanity the

police also saw things a bit different started treating them different so at

that point they realized they had to let us go from jail and now the people came

downstairs they were telling us that my mother and the other girl were free

maybe because they could see we were just human you know and it was just an

accident. I never saw this side of Charlotte before. Some click happened

that changed her in a way that needed to be changed. After she came out of Yale I

think one of the first or the second day I got the phone call. She asked me to look at all the

negative publicity. I was really shocked by the avalanche worldwide what had

happened. Because she was not able to work it became a financial mess to sort it a

a little bit out. I did that by declaring her a company bankrupt.

So by the time it was December, I was a complete wreck. My health was in such a bad state,

I decided to stop seeing doctors and hospitals and go the alternative way.

The negativity was built up at that time, but it still has to be freed from the body.

So she had to find another way. Her sparkle, her fun, her creativity in it was blocked.

The worst thing was, being in jail, was that I couldn't go to the toilet.

I had to get medication for that all the time and I took so many relaxation things and nothing worked.

In the end, I said to my colleague, like,

let's try to do an enema, but we didn't have anything to stick something in.

So we filled up a spa bottle and we tried to put that in my ass.

and then and then and he was pushing on the bottle

because and then nothing wanted to go in and then they said to

look at us what are we doing here of course she could not live the same life

everything was going to change when the situation got really forced

adorable she bought a ticket to mexico the fact that the whole media jumped on

the story it was very that she left europe i think

the best thing she did was to get out and to put a real end to all what she had in Belgium.

At this fort and telling the story about being in jail just reminded me of the sessions that

people asked for to be prisoners. So definitely being in prison is something that's a fantasy of

people. They want to have this feeling of being unable to do what they want to do. Never anything

Everything that had to do with not being free had been one of my fantasies ever.

I think it's just because in my head I want to be free.

When Ira was set free out of prison, they decided to make a trip to Mexico and they

took me along.

It was 2012 when we went there and Charlotte had already been in Mexico half a year on

her own before.

Charlotte decided very quickly, even before the incident, is where she would like to be.

These four months that Charlotte was on her own in Mexico, she also travelled to the desert

And there she met some people and was invited to do an ayahuasca ceremony.

Then in the night I got a call from her, because she had these visions that connected a lot to Mother Earth and to her mother.

And she said, you really have to do that because it's an amazing experience, you're going to really enjoy it and it will be very good for you.

I think we all have the ability to co-create our reality, our future.

The only way to predict the future is to create it.

It's time to remember who we are and for this I think we can learn a lot from the ancestral ways

and for us to reconnect with the earth.

It's the grandmother of the medicine, it connects you to mother earth.

It's helping you deal with what's inside you, you can use it for healing, like physical healing

or you could use it for getting rid of things that are bothering you.

My name is Robert Tay, I'm a medical anthropologist

and medical anthropologists look at beliefs about health and illness around the world.

We go into different cultures and examine what they actually practice and what they believe about getting well and becoming sick.

I've traveled all around the world looking at different traditions and a few years ago I met the Amazonian plant spirit tradition.

It's definitely the best heart opener I've ever taken.

My first experience was like being in the Garden of Eden.

Everything just turned into this perfect paradise and then also bringing me closer to the lightness in my life.

So I had no idea who she was before I met her and I didn't know anything about her background

But during ceremony she impressed me with her strength and with her resilience and her mastery of what is potentially a very difficult experience

then I started picking up on the thoughts that

Ruben and Charlotte held and I thought they were talking to each other, but they were quiet

But I could pick up their thoughts towards each other and towards me

Basically the plastic inside a person to see what that blocks them from fulfilling their ultimate destiny if you like

And moving away from my house also felt like leaving something dark behind.

Although, I always really loved my house and I felt that I was living in complete freedom,

but this complete freedom was also relative.

It wasn't as free as I thought it was.

It was just like I insulated myself from the outside world because I didn't want to engage

with it.

And I found the perfect way to do it and the perfect way to live without having to interfere

with many people.

But it's not freedom.

It's building yourself sort of a kinky prison.

What's also interesting in reflecting upon this is that somebody who has known the depths

of pain can also become a great healer, has the capacity to bring healing to the wounded.

And that I think is her great strength is that she really understands the human psyche.

She really understands what ails people at a very deep level and what release they're

seeking.

She understands people.

After the jail, my health became a lot worse because there I didn't get any nutrition.

I'm a vegetarian, and it was really bad.

And I started developing all sorts of illnesses.

My organs were shrinking.

I started having all these allergies.

Went to also to see like a Chinese doctor,

and he told me that because I don't sleep,

my brain doesn't have the ability to check all the organs

and make sure that everything is always set right again.

My brain just said, fuck, do it yourself.

Find another me.

And this thing in my heart as well,

I have like one side of my heart that's not bleeding.

We don't know if I was born with it or if it just happened after a while because

my heart always seemed to have been working very well and so we never had it examined.

But the doctor said something really silly to me, he said

you should start loving somebody then your heart will get better.

And I took that seriously because never done that before.

Before I didn't even love myself.

I'm going to try some yoga.

so I was completely obsessed with yoga. I started making the Thursday my day off and saying okay I'm

going to spend it all on myself. Already on the third Thursday I started feeling very guilty

that I wasn't being productive and on the way to my car I got confronted with that feeling of guilt

and this feeling of guilt I realized has been something that's been inside me all my life and

on my walk to the car I suddenly managed to get rid of it and say guilt leave. I found this way of

not being stressed anymore even though all the bad things that have happened to me because of yoga I

could process them. Like for instance the day that I found out that I was going to lose my house

I was doing a yoga course with Rusty Wells, a guy from California and was doing the chanting and at

At some point I could feel myself crying inside, but it was sweating out of my body, the tears

and the grief from losing my house.

And by the time I came back home, I could talk to my daughter about losing the house

without my lips shaking or being unhappy.

And I wanted to help others with that, because there were so many people around me who were

very stressed.

I made a decision, I'm going to stay on this path, and I leave the path from before behind.

I will just have to find the right teacher, go to India and do a teacher training.

I got her from the first moment quite special.

So I ask her from where she is and how she come to Goa and so we become slowly slowly

friends you know.

I met Ira through a mutual friend Barbara and yeah we just clicked immediately you know

we liked each other and thought it was just a really breath of fresh air in Goa.

I mean, she told me about what happened in her past and why she came to Goa.

I was shocked and also, you know, having mixed in London, having been in the fetish scene

for a while and knowing lots of different people, I could just immediately see housewives

in the paper, you know, the Belgian equivalent of Hilda Rogdon or whatever, you know, saying,

look what this woman is doing and I think she's already well paid the price.

I think it's a very good thing to change from this side, from the SM story, to another life.

I think for her future she will be a healer.

That's the energy I feel in her, that she has a certain talent to heal people.

And this you will not find every day.

I want to talk about BDSM and friendship.

I must say that through BDSM I made lots of really good friends who are still friends now.

One of them was also standing out, which is a person I call number 23.

I was always interested in the other part, but we never really got around to doing this.

When I got into real trouble, he really stepped forward and said that he would stand by me,

supporting me where he knew that all the other people who weren't getting anything in return

were letting me down. And I think out of these BDSM situations, some friendships have grown

that would not be as strong in any other situation because devotion and loyalty is at its highest

when you meet people in that situation. I don't think you will ever get anybody so devoted to you

in a normal relationship. In a way I think having sex with people fucks it up.

I don't think the work I did that it would turn me on because I made a very distinct separation

in between my sex life and my work.

It would never interfere.

Sex was for my spare time, and work was work.

I had nothing to do with sex, or my sex life,

or me being turned on.

Maybe I'm still a little bit of a pervert,

but I don't get to practice so much.

Such that I have for my friends in Antwerp.

I hope that the ones that are now still in darkness

and fighting with themselves find peace in their hearts.

I hope they will always remember that I love them

and that his love will never die, no matter how far away I am.

May they also get blessed by the universe so the wounds can heal.

May they break the chains and fly freely in this world.

One, two, three.

Whoa, this is really, I cannot speak a word.

This was my house.

I cannot see what was what.

Now I'm finally allowed to come here again.

Oh, look, my mommy.

Think I'm going to make one last wish.

And then also the trial took about three years to happen.

So all the time they were delaying it, all the time suspending it.

So for three years long I had no certainty about anything that I would do in my life.

The person who died was a friend of mine and I liked him a lot and so I was grieving and

at the same time you have to save your skin.

And finally we did get the call to go to the trial and there also at the end of the trial

I had to say something.

And they did the sentence, they said that we were guilty, but they would suspend the

punishment because we were already punished enough in life itself.

And then they asked my opinion and I just said, the only guilty part is the press.

The press really blew things out of proportion.

And I was not allowed to speak about what really happened.

But it would have been a lot better if I had just spoke up and went to the press myself,

told the whole story then and there.

Then we would have just had our story out there.

Now it feels like I've been convicted for something I didn't do.

It's kind of nice to have the story being told now, even if it's like years after the event.

I've been looking just to say, I've been looking at his.

Yeah.

And I hope.

That's all.

That's all you know.

You're looking at the freedom, but I can't think.

If I wouldn't have had my family, it would have been a lot more difficult to cope with everything.

Having their support was very, very important to me.

Ira had the accident in her studio, and it had brought the family more close.

And now she's very good in what she does now, and I think she's very strong.

I think she has a lot of power in her. Doesn't matter what she does.

Together with the yoga and the meditation, doing the ceremonies made it easier for me to completely create a new life.

Whatever I receive in life, from knowledge or things that I learn,

that I learned, my biggest pleasure is to share it with others, that they could also

have this benefit of getting to know it as well.

The world is fucked up, but we can't change it, but we can change ourselves.

And if we become purer souls, we will shine, and we will shine this light through others.

And even if it's just amongst your friends, it is a start.

If I do five people, five others, it becomes a domino effect and everybody can have a positive

influence on others.

It is important to keep learning, because a setback is sometimes necessary to open your

eyes and see that you have other abilities, because basically sometimes we get stuck into

what we are used to and we forget that it is maybe something that doesn't make us happy.

And we are just so used to our routine and we are used to this money that we earn and

we are used to living in this house and we are used to the comforts that we have.

start feeling unhappy about something you can't imagine us making a decision

to move on or to change our life to get this awareness that it's time for

something else and then you have to find the strength inside you to do something

with your life. I can advise everybody is much better than killing yourself.

Yoga meditation and I could understand better now the connection and the depth

of life we have and it's difficult to imagine what could have happened if this

This incident would not have happened, or would be erupted in.

She is, at this moment, a much more balanced woman.

Absolutely out there, but absolutely, for me, joy.

Absolute joy.

No, shit can happen to you, but you can start all over again.

And you can be reborn and just do whatever the fuck you want to.

I think this division that men had towards me

sometimes gave me mixed emotions.

At one point, it's nice to be adored,

but it can also be too much.

I would say 50% of the time, I like to be adored,

and the other 50%, I just want to hide.

Regardless of all the other things I've done in my life,

I'm still single.

I haven't been very successful in relationships.

That means in maintaining them.

I think I'm not meant to be with somebody

for the rest of my life.

If I have to name like a religion or a sort of belief, then Buddhism would go nearest

to what I feel.

I became a Buddhist a few years ago, and I took three vows, not to lie, not to kill.

And what was the other one?

To steal with three things which I wouldn't do anyway.

The other two I didn't take, intoxication, because I'm not ready, and sex I'm also not

ready to give up, maybe, maybe in time.

I can't do it because my body is built for sin.