Original subtitles

What is the meaning of this untimely disturbance, Captain?

We're being shadowed, Your Grace.

Pirates? Aye, but not of these waters.

We sure as hell can't outgun her, but we may be able to run her out in that black

storm.

Make it so, and God be with you, Captain. Aye. All right, men, batten

down the hatches. Prepare to go riding into the storm.

Make way for the wind's eye, lads.

What is that devil scribble written upon her colors?

It's Arabic.

It says, there's no God but Zai Fang.

Sea demons.

Say it's gone.

It is truly a miracle.

God has shown us his divine mercy.

Glory be thy name.

Would you praise your grace?

I believe our story is about to have a key change.

I'm afraid they'll be paying us a little visit. Go down below and hide in my

cabin. I'll fend them off for as long as I can.

Come with me, Your Grace. We must keep you safe. May God save us all.

Hide in here, Your Excellency.

Don't let me die. Your salvation depends upon it.

Mahaba. Give it to me, or I'll drop you into the bloody banks of the abyss. I

know not what you speak of.

Forgive me, Emperor Safin.

Where is it?

Within me master.

Himself will ensure you burn in hell for killing a man of the Quarth. There is

only one God.

He stands before you. Captain!

Hail, Siegfried!

Hail, Siegfried!

Hail, Siegfried!

Hail, Siegfried! Hail, Siegfried! Hail, Siegfried! And these men, Empress?

As you wish, my Michelle.

Captain's log.

Sea date, September 20th, this year of our Lord, 1763.

Hold on a moment, Oxford.

I like damn dashing, don't I?

You look like a man who has just crossed swords with the brutish devil himself

and pierced his icy heart with the burning blades of your godly virtue.

I love your phrasing, Oxford.

Your heroics inspire my words.

Let us continue.

Having successfully delivered Isabella and Manuel to their new island home, the

island did not have the proper resources to mend our broken rudder completely.

Thus, we set sail partially crippled to the new port.

This obstacle has not disenchanted the crew.

My swift and decisive victory over the infamous Victor Stagnetti has ensured

that the crew's heart has been lifted tenfold, and they promise to sail with

me. Onward to the blue heavenly sky, or to the bottom of the sea in Davy Jones'

locker. The performance of the crew has been exemplary.

Especially Woo's.

What? Especially Woo's.

Woo's? Why, yes. If not for Woo, we'd all be dead.

But it was my clever orders, and thus we won.

With all respect, sir.

I do recall your words precisely, and they were, fire those cannons, woo, or

we're all dead.

You can understand, sir.

But if I had not given the orders of precisely the right moment?

Um, okay.

Uh, we're, uh, let's continue.

Wait, wait, wait. Hi, sir.

The crew's exemplary... For the crew of the crew, it's been fervently practicing

swordplay with Jules daily, and sometimes thrice a day.

I'm amazed by their razor-sharp concentration and Jules' patience.

We have encountered a strange but wonderfully heartwarming surprise.

Wu's sister, Ai Chao, has ventured from the Far East by a happy-looking bunch of

sailors. I have never seen so many calm and satisfied men upon one ship.

She must have worked hard and vigorously to pay her passage.

The purpose of I's visit is that she has come to bring Wu his father's book of

ancient Chinese gunpowder magic.

She is affectionate and loving to all she encounters.

She is a true Buddhist.

I believe having her nurturing spirit aboard will bring a soft comfort and

compassion that the crew has long been longing for.

The crew has been much more at ease since Ai's arrival. Her Buddhist

kindness is ever present.

At night, she gives multiple crewmen simultaneous massages to relax their

tired bones after a rough day at sea.

oh my god

There you go.

Oh.

There you go.

She must be a skilled masseuse because I have never heard such sounds of tension

release.

There's been a downside to Ai's presence.

Wu has been very irritable, especially when Ai is giving Buddhist blessings to

the crew as they work.

Moments before we last set sail, we received word from Olivia, Serena's

cousin, that Governor Littleton of Jamaica has issued a warrant for

Serena's immediate arrest.

Serena has ordered her cousin to stay aboard to protect us from any hostile

forces that may be searching for her.

A kind gesture, but highly unnecessary.

KICK! Knock him out, okay?

That's when we arrive in Kingston.

I will see to the governor personally to ask for Serena's immediate pardon.

As for myself, I have never felt more keen and vigilant and ready to kick some

fired ass with these twin hell-fired cannons.

Indeed, sir.

Why, you are a mighty frigate of destruction.

What? A mighty warship of destruction.

Yes. A mighty warship of destruction.

Oh, God. Oh, God, please don't kill me. I didn't know I was nowhere near

Tortuga.

You haven't learned to keep your guard up, have you?

Olivia.

I thought I was merely playing a game.

I am Captain Edward Reynolds, Master and Commander of Vigilance.

Serena was right to ask for my protection.

A little gesture, but highly unnecessary.

Once Governor Littleton learns of Serena's help in defeating Victor

Stagnetti, he'll have no choice but to issue her.

Full pardon.

Don't be foolish, Captain.

The governor will never pardon Serena.

The king demands that all pirates be washed clean from the seas.

My father has close ties with his majesty, and if I ask, king's justice

shall prevail.

King George wants for the complete extermination of all pirates from

Confederate trade.

This is about commerce, not justice.

His majesty watches over his loyal subjects. Serena shall receive a full

pardon.

I will do whatever it takes to save Serena and protect this ship.

But if you get in my way, I will take the helm.

Daughters, say I.

Yes, we're his daughters.

Please, don't hurt us, sir.

Call me Devil Dick Willie.

That's what me mateys call me.

Yes, Devil Dick Willie.

Ah, don't you be afraid of me.

I'd just be after your father's gold.

Now, where is it?

We don't know, Devil Dick Willie.

Ye better be telling me something, or I'll be cutting your open to see if

there be gold inside of you. We don't have it. It is with him.

Where be it?

I came here to get some gold, and gold I'll be a-getting.

What about this treasure, Devil Dick Willie?

Now that be fine.

Ain't nothing better than the governor's private treasures.

Governor.

Damn you, bloody twit.

Didn't I tell you never to disturb me while I'm playing?

Forgive me, Governor.

Captain Edward Reynolds and his first-made jewels are here to see you.

He says he has important business to discuss.

Tell him I'm writing a letter to King George.

Take him and his first mate down to the dining hall.

I'll be there momentarily.

Yes, Governor.

Now then, where be me treasures?

I'm sorry.

We've been here for over an hour. Keep your voice down.

This is a blatant insult of a hero of my stature. My father and I have dined with

King George himself.

The governor's gonna hear my condemnation of a vehement behavior as

soon as he arrives, when he ever shows up, if he ever arrives.

Do you wish the governor to pardon Serena?

Yes. Then silence.

Restrain yourself.

Ladies and gentlemen, the governor of Jamaica, Baron William Henry Littleton.

It's about time.

Who is this lovely creature I see before me? This is my first mate, Commander

Jules Steele.

And I must say, Governor, it is an honor to be in your presence.

You must be one of the most beautiful pirate hunters in all the Caribbean.

Indeed, quite possibly one of the most beautiful women in the entire British

Empire. I can assure you, Governor, she is also quite deadly.

Indeed, her beauty does appear to be quite lethal.

Allow me to introduce... Myself. My name is Captain Edward Reynolds at your

service. I am quite aware of your name and rank.

Then perhaps when you're done eating your hand.

You are quite an exceptionally dashing young man yourself, aren't you?

Oh, thank you, Governor.

The women must be clawing at your hull to get aboard your massive vessel.

Well, it is no secret of my allure to women. And these mighty guns of steel.

Mm-hmm.

You are most strong.

The men aboard your ship must be in awe and jealousy at your virility and

classical beauty.

Thank you, Governor. I must say you're quite dapper yourself, and you must tell

me who's your tailor.

Governor, may we speak to you about an urgent matter?

Why, yes, of course.

Please do sit down.

Ah, splendid.

I see you have both dined.

I hope that you do not mind what you need.

I have a voracious appetite for food and other mouth-watering desires.

How disrespectful of me.

I forgot to thank you on behalf of His Majesty for vanquishing Captain Victor

Stagnetti.

Tell me, just how did you defeat the bastard?

It's all about timing.

You see, the Sea Stallion's guns were malfunctioning. At the precise time the

Devil's Rose came along broadside, I was able to fire all the guns.

So, you fired the guns yourself during the battle?

No, I was at the helm.

Ah, so it was your master gunner who saved the day.

Please, proceed with what you were saying before. You've issued a arrest

warrant for Serena, Captain Stagnity's first mate.

Hmm, marvelous. Can you bring her before me?

I... His Majesty is longing to see the infamous Serena hang at the execution

docks. We don't have her. What?

That's rather odd.

I had information she was aboard your ship. Where is she?

It's very complicated. You see, I... She fled when she discovered we were sailing

to Kingston.

Hmm.

His Majesty will be most displeased.

Normally, I would be forced to hang you both.

For harboring a pirate, and worse, allowing her escape.

Serena helped kill Victor Signetti. What?

Bloody impossible.

No, it's true.

She abandoned his ship and helped us.

That's why we're here begging for her pardon. It was with her aid that we were

able to defeat the Devil's Rose.

Well, I would like to, but my hands are tied by the king.

He wants her dead, like Blackbeard and so many others before him. There must be

some way His Majesty can forgive Serena.

Well, it is possible perhaps you could perform a service for His Majesty.

What is it?

Well, there was a missionary ship with the Archbishop of Canterbury on board

and some vital treasure.

And it was attacked by some Barbary pirates under the command of a Chinese

pirate empress named Zi Feng.

His Majesty wants the pirates executed and the treasure, a small blue pearl,

returned. We would be honored to do His Majesty's bidding.

What is the value of this blue pearl?

No actual value, just sentimental value to the king.

Now look here.

It is an illustration of Zifeng's colors.

The text is Arabic calligraphy. It says there is no god, only Zifeng.

So.

You have quite a dangerous little adventure ahead of you, and the night

draws on.

Why do you not stay here with me the night and rest your bodies?

Hell's bells and buckets of blood. Thank you, Governor.

I would be most honored, but unfortunately we need to be underway

immediately, if not sooner.

Thank you very much for your hospitality.

Do come again.

If we kill these pirates and return the treasure...

Governor Littleton will have no choice but to give a full pardon to Serena.

Wu. Yes, Captain.

Wu, what can you tell me about this Chinese pirate empress?

Oh, yes, Captain.

She is rated five dragon queen of the sea.

She is immortal and impossible to kill. Her weakness is chow mein.

Her weakness is chow mein?

Yes, Captain.

Jules, we're going to need a shitload of chow mein.

Edward, he's joking.

Yeah. Just because I'm Chinese doesn't mean I know every Chinese private

captain.

All right.

Now, here's the plan.

Jules and I did some investigating around town, and we discovered that a

ship is leaving tomorrow for one of the last pirate havens on Earth, a small

island called Xibalba.

Edward and I are going to try to buy passage aboard the vessel tonight.

Hopefully we'll find this pirate empress.

How exciting.

When do we set sail, Captain?

Well, if all goes well, Jules and I will leave in the morning.

You, Oxford.

Wu, I, and Olivia will stay here and supervise the repairs on the sea

stallion. You're going to need me.

I think it's best you stay behind.

Captain, with all due respect, don't you think that my talents...

modest as they may be, could be best utilized in a covert offensive such as

Chevalier.

Oxford.

Oxford!

You're third in command.

What I need from you is for you to stay behind in the sea stallion with Wu and

supervise the repairs.

Captain?

Captain.

Captain. Captain.

Really? Really?

Me? Yeah.

Captain Oxford.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Yes, yes.

I'm going to need your help if we're going to save Serena. What are you

talking about? What do you want me to do?

Your captain's foolishness is going to kill us all.

We must organize a mutiny.

Mutiny?

Never. Not only is he a fine captain, but he's my best friend.

Don't let your feelings of friendship get between the well-being of this crew.

I will lead us to safety.

He led us to victory against Dignetti, and he'll lead us to victory once again.

How did you ever become second in command being so weak?

Keep insulting me and you'll find out just how weak I am.

I fight warriors, not whores.

Are you not his whore?

That's not all you got. That's not all you

got.

You think I don't know how to fuck? Oh yeah? You little whore. Little fucking

whore. Fuck me, bitch.

Fuck me.

You show me how to be a warrior, I'm gonna fucking smack the fuck out of you.

If you're gonna smack me, you better do it right. Yeah?

Yeah. Take your fucking face off me, whore.

You

can't be a

whore unless you taste that ass.

Bend over.

You're not the only person who's been there, bitch.

It's mine.

It's mine.

It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine.

It's mine.

It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine. It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine.

It's mine.

It's mine.

Yeah? You want me to hit you harder? I want you to hit me.

Harder!

Harder!

If you're gonna hit me, you better fucking hit me!

You fucking whore!

You like that shit?

You like the whore? You wish you had a captain, right?

Like a fucking whore captain?

You're fucking turning me on.

I'm gonna spit in that fucking dirty little pussy

Don't lie to me.

Don't fucking lie to me.

Are you lying?

Because you're a fucking whore. You're trying to be a whore.

I'm no whore.

I'm fucking whore.

Your pussy's so fucking open. And your hand's fucking in there. Fucking dirty

slut. That's right.

You know, you can't get a lot in there.

guarding the ship. Any luck?

Captain said that the Redleaks agreed to give us passage to Shababa Island.

How much?

600 pieces of eight.

600 pieces of eight? Might as well just take my right arm. That's ridiculous.

That's the only ship sailing to Shababa Island.

Did you even try and negotiate with us? His terms were non-negotiable.

Captain!

Have you secured passage yet? I suppose so, but this isn't piracy, Jules. This

is pirate rape. What did you expect?

Oh, excellent.

Yeah, we'll be needing some silver as well, sir.

To get some men to repair the rudder.

How much?

No idea. I've yet to secure a single estimate for the repairs.

So, it might cost a bit more than this. Get several estimates and be sure to

take the cheapest one.

Aye, sir.

With Vogel Oxford, this adventure is costing you fortune.

Aye, Captain.

This isn't so bad.

No, it could be a lot worse.

Yes, actually, I'm getting quite comfortable.

Me too.

So, the governor was not only erotic, but an arrogant fool as well. How dare

he have the audacity to question my command? What would he know of the heat

of battle? He wasn't there. If it wasn't for the fact that he was governor, I

would have crossed blades with him right then. Calm down. There's no need to get

yourself worked up. I should have left as soon as he issued his first insult.

I should have...

I'm a fraud.

Oh, my God, I'm a fraud.

Everybody knows it. Olivia, Oxford.

Oh, Lord, help me.

What's wrong?

Oh, God, I'm dying.

Oh, this is it. Oh, Lord, I'm coming.

My life's flashing before my eyes. I fucked my retarded cousin.

Oh, Lord, help me. I'm coming.

Edward, you're not dying.

Okay, breathe. You're just having one of your panic attacks.

Just breathe.

What are you doing? I'm breathing.

Breathe with me now.

Come on.

Feeling better?

Yeah.

No. Edward, what's wrong?

Oh, God, the governor was right.

I don't know what I'm doing in battle.

Wu saved us, not I.

I'm a coward.

Nonsense. You were absolutely courageous.

I'm an idiot.

What are you talking about? You fought off all those deadly warrior skeletons.

But one.

I was tangled up with him the whole time.

I'm an idiot.

You're not an idiot. You're the great captain who led us to victory.

We had two alternatives out there, to die or survive.

We survived because of you, Edward.

Oxford, Wu, Serena, all believed in your strength. Just look at it. It's there.

Don't ever second-guess your strength.

Jules?

Yes?

Thank you for being an extraordinary friend.

No need to thank me. We're family.

We are.

Jules?

Yes?

I gotta pee.

Okay, go before you pee on me.

Did she say you had sex with your retarded cousin?

Man, the boarding hooks and battle axes.

No bloody pirates will ever board this vessel.

The first tasting the sword of Captain Oxford Buckingham.

Aye, aye.

I'm sorry, aye.

What the devil are you doing here, man?

I think I has no way.

What do you think that?

She got out of her island and escaped. We need to fight her.

It's late.

We need some rest, then we'll get some men, and we'll fix this rudder. Fine, I

will go alone.

All right, I'm coming.

Perhaps we should bring Olivia.

She gone too.

Well, we've arrived at the Devil's Circus.

What's next? Next, we split up. We'll be able to cover more ground that way. And

now I'll meet you at that temple right there. Aye.

Commander, you're vigilant.

You as well.

of delight to satisfy your all very perverted desire.

Let's start the bidding at 20 pieces of eight.

Come on, matey bros.

This is a fine and sturdy woman.

She'll be able to handle a good popping and then so.

20 pieces of eight.

This one looks like a bargain to me, matey.

Yeah, I feel like a woman with lots and lots of curves.

You mean if I was a whale, I'd be in heaven, eh?

Hey, matey.

Okay, matey bros.

I'm going to give you once in a lifetime deal.

Fifteen pieces of eight.

I order for fifteen pieces of eight for her. Okay, fifteen. Do I hear sixteen?

Aye, sixteen.

Yeah, now you're bidding me, T-Bro.

Do I hear seventeen?

Seventeen.

Sixteen going once.

Sixteen going twice.

Sold to the wee pirate.

Congratulations, Mr.

Bro.

Next, we have this exquisite jewel up for sale. Here she is, kidnapped all the

way from Paris, France.

I bring you young Anne, matey bros.

This lassie sounds like the creme de la creme, eh, matey?

She's exquisite.

Could I trouble you to describe her beauty to me, me being a poor old blind

man?

No problem.

She has long golden locks with shock black hair. Oh, me likes a black widow.

How's her skin?

Me don't be wanting any blemishes.

And I won't be tolerating an oily fish face either.

You're a tough customer.

Me likes what me likes.

Go on.

Well, her skin is white smooth and creamy.

There's not a blemish on it.

Wait.

There's a mole.

How about a breath?

Are they flapjacks, raisins, or a flapjack with a big raisin on top?

I'm afraid you've lost me on that one.

Matey bros, we're gonna start the bidding at 15 pieces of eggs.

Sir, could I trouble you to bid for me?

Ah, yes.

Great, no problem.

Yeah, so, by the way, have you heard of a Chinese pirate empress by the name of

Zai Feng?

You be looking for trouble, eh?

Always. Well, I've heard of her, but...

You

must

be new around these waters

130! 130!

And that be tack 4 slave girl you be bidding on! Oh, that tack 4. I thought

you meant a different tack 4.

130!

200!

Motherfucker. 300!

400! No, no, I haven't got that kind of silver!

Don't worry, I've got it covered.

500!

Are you crazy,

matey? One thousand pieces of eight.

One thousand going once. One thousand going twice.

Sold to my handsome friend. It's scum you pirate scurvy scabby scoundrel

Congratulation my friend you get the best that silver can

buy By the way, I don't see any large sack of silver for me.

Oh Well, I've got a large sack easy, bro But it's not silver more than enough

to cover the bid. How do you know that my favorite color was gold?

Just a hunch I guess

I'm Tagbor.

You may have heard of me.

Not really, bro.

Armenian gold, Tagbor?

Sorry, doesn't ring a bell.

No matter.

What is your name?

My name? Oh, my name. My name's Jackson.

Stone. Cold Jackson.

I may have heard of you.

Were you the one who found Captain Morgan's lost gold? That was I. It was I

that found Captain Morgan's lost gold.

Come, let me give you your pretty sick slave.

It'll be my pleasure to have you as my guest of honor.

Come into my solid gold tent palace.

There will be girls, meat, and rum, matey bro.

Could be my pleasure, sir.

So you've already met the nine sifu of Yan Luong.

I am Nanda Saifeng, and you are?

The pirate empress. That's not what I asked.

You can call me the king's law.

There is no law here.

Drop it!

You see, pirate hunter, there's only piracy in Xibalba.

Tom Cole Jackson, welcome to my golden palace.

Be careful!

Everything is gold.

What a unique concept.

Here, why don't we have a seat right here, next to my throne.

Here, have a seat.

Sorry, it's a wet spot on the floor.

Ah, it's slippery here in my tent, yeah. Yes.

No need stone cold Jackson, bro. How do you like my tent's palace?

It's very, uh, it's very gold.

It suits my persona, yes.

Absolutely, bro.

I'm not sure. I need a name that sounds so pure evil.

How's that?

Nobody has ever heard of Armenian gold Tagvor.

I try switching things around like Tagvor, the gold Armenian.

Nothing sticks.

Any name that strikes fears into guts of men.

Like Blackbeard, Blackbart, or Victor Stagnity.

What do you think about Goldbeard or Goldbart?

Goldbeard. Sounds like a rabbi pirate.

Look, are you really stuck on this gold thing?

Yeah, what's wrong with gold, bro? Oh, absolutely nothing, bro.

But if you're gonna terrorize the sea, I mean...

really terrorize the sea, you need a name that strikes fear in the hearts of

people. A name like, say, for example, I don't know, Chinese pirate Empress

Zifeng.

What do you know about Zifeng?

Well, everybody knows about Zifeng.

You know, matey bro, Zifeng is on this very island as we speak.

You don't say.

I could introduce you to her.

Between you and me, I'm more evil.

I'm evil gold, bro.

Evil gold.

I like that.

You have to remember, Dagwar, that it's not the name that brings a man infamy.

It's his infamous deeds that bring infamy to his name.

Yes! Action!

I like you, Stalkonpro.

You're much wisdom.

Now let's have some women.

Women.

We'll enjoy the show.

See,

you and I were very similar.

idea. It doesn't look like happy alley.

Oh, don't be silly.

It's perfectly happy.

Okay.

You know, Wu, I've been thinking.

Perhaps you could give Ai a wider berth. Let her do what she pleases a little

bit. Then she might not feel so inclined to go running off like this.

You don't know nothing.

She's my little happy sister. I protect her, even from herself.

She might not be as little as you think she is.

Besides, we need to be concentrating on repairing the sea stallion, and not out

wandering these wretched alleyways.

Don't blame on me! Is this what your idea?

Yourself?

I might be thinking you'd be lost, eh?

Oh dear.

I do wish you'd tell me the truth.

You will die before this story ends.

All my life, that is the truth.

You like him?

All the Chinese emperors used this creature to maintain obedience among the

closest men to them. All the emperor guards were forced to drink from it to

prevent assassination.

What is your name, and why are you here?

Why you be sitting alone in the dark, matey? Because darkness has enveloped my

soul and extinguished the everlasting light of love.

You're still carrying that burned-out torch for that dead whore.

What you need is to blast your pistol on a young maid, matey.

You're right, Bernard.

You're absolutely right. But let me ask you just a question.

You see any women here in the bar, okay? No.

There's no women here. You know why?

Because they all went to Tartuga, which is where I told you we needed to go in

the first place, okay?

Tartuga.

Everybody's in Tartuga.

Never you mind, Tartuga.

I've got you a young, exotic devil harlot you'd never find in Tartuga.

She'd make all your happy come out.

Where? Where is she? Bring her in, matey.

You want one more massage, Big B?

Later, little devil.

First give me Captain Marco here.

A touch of those devil hands.

You know who I am?

Bernard said you're Marco.

And did Bernard say that I was a murderer?

You don't regret them?

I kill men for gold.

That's okay.

A lot of people do that.

I just want to make you happy, Kamau.

I kill women, too.

Even burn one alive.

Why do you do that?

She broke my heart.

Oh, you poor little panda bird.

I am a poor little panda bird. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what you mean.

I can't read you, and I can't read my brother.

I don't understand.

I want to be a good wife to you, but I have to take care of my brother.

Wife? What?

What? You don't want to marry me?

Okay, wait.

We hardly know each other, okay?

I mean, it was really fun and all, but...

best rubber you have to marry me like hell I do that

doesn't

hurt

Hmm. Have to hand it to you, Deck Boar.

You really know how to live.

Now you should see my gold sheet.

Totally gold, bro.

Complete with gold fringe.

Deck Boar, your name is going to sail forth into infamy.

It is my dream to be amongst the greats. Blackbeard, Redbeard, Blackbird.

Why don't you get to know your pretty slave while I thank Zephan for you?

Your pretty slave is waiting for you.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

So you're my new master?

Well, let us not be so formal.

My name is... Edward Reynolds.

Edward is a beautiful name, master.

Thank you.

I've...

Would you like to take my body now?

I think we should get to know each other a little bit first.

Perhaps... Yes, let's do that.

Like for example, what's your name?

Whatever you wish to call me, Master.

You know, I think we know each other well enough now.

What am I supposed to do with this big thing, Master?

It's a good start.

Is this what you like?

Well, I... To tell you the truth, I get that all the time from my slaves.

Maybe if you went deeper on it.

Something like that's nice.

That's my dirty slave.

Suck those cannonballs.

Suck them. Yeah, that's my girl.

Suck them harder.

Yes, right in that slutty little pussy

Suck it harder.

Suck it harder.

Yes.

I'll be your perfect fucking slave.

Yes.

Oh.

Fuck yes.

Oh my god.

Come on, girl. Come on.

You can do it.

Oh, my God!

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, suck your pussy juice off my cock.

Who is that?

You can take my ass if you want it.

Oh, my God, take it.

Take that fucking slutty ass.

Yeah, every fucking hole in mine is yours, master.

Oh, you like that?

Does it please you?

Oh, my God, that's so fucking big in my fucking ass, master.

Yes. Oh, yes.

That's it, my dirty slave.

Yeah, that's it. Lick your ass off the captain's cock. Come on.

Yes, Master.

Thank me for killing Victor Stagnetti.

Yes,

Master. Thank you for killing Victor Stagnetti.

Oh, yeah.

So brave and strong, and you broke my mouth, okay?

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah, it was my order that sunk his ship.

It was my order.

Thank me for killing Victor Stagnetti. Thank you, Master, for killing Victor

Stagnetti.

Without the help of Wu.

Without any help from Wu, Master.

Tell me I'm the greatest pirate hunter that ever lived.

You're the greatest pirate hunter that ever lived, Master.

I thought everybody knew that.

But... Milk that fucking come from your dick.

Yes. The greatest pirate hunter that ever lived.

I like that.

You're definitely my best lover, Master.

You know, I know some other slave women that we could enjoy together.

Would you?

Well, that would be fantastic.

What is it, Master?

Jules, what are you doing here?

I've come for you, Edward. Well, that's nice. Just wait for me outside. I'll be

right there. Let me get my dungarees on.

I told you.

That way we can get together outside in an hour.

Jules!

This is highly inappropriate behavior.

I want you inside me, Edward.

May I watch?

No! And a commander should never be inside his first officer, for any

reason!

I want you inside right now.

We're family. Can't do that. Inside my ass.

This is Jules. I don't know what's wrong with you, but whatever it is... Jules!

Jules!

Jules, stop it. This is gross.

Get off me, Jules.

Lafayette, take Jules to the ship. As you wish, master.

What are you doing? Get your hands off me. Let her go. Take me.

She's my captain's prize.

Who's your captain?

You know him.

Captain Victor Stagnetti.

Stagnetti?

He's dead.

And I killed him. He's very much alive.

And Jules is going to lead us to him. Yes, master.

Don't do it, Jules. Silence.

Tend to you, bro.

You fill it up with lies.

You're dead to me.

Take him to the beach.

Jules! Jules!

Get your hands off me, you filthy, stinking ape!

The Emperor will reward you for your services in gold.

Well, six in it.

I don't want to hurt you, but let's put on a good show and maybe we both can get

out of here alive.

Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight!

Fight

Nobody cheered for me.

Just about to break that thing and run it out of here when you showed up.

Right. Right.

Edward. Yes? Let's go. Let's go.

You!

She's with me. Edward, what were you doing in there? You could have been

eaten alive.

Wasn't exactly my choice.

And by the way, I was kicking ass.

It's dangerous here. We need to return to my ship.

I need answers.

I need answers now.

All right.

Calm me down.

You brought me another devil in the flesh.

What made you, matey?

This squinty-eyed devil is more squinty-eyed than that she-devil you

brought me before.

Aye. Have you seen her? Where is she?

The devil speaks in tongues. I don't know what he says.

I'm not the devil.

I'm from China, you idiot.

China's another name for hell.

No, no, no, no.

China's another country. It's in the Far East, near India.

Shut your mouth, devil servant.

Please, sir.

I'm no servant of the devil, nor of Wu.

Actually, currently, I'm acting captain.

Hold your tongue, and I'll be cutting it off, says I.

A captain will have no use for these, nor will I.

But you said if we brought you a couple of crewmen in, it'd settle our debt with

the captain.

What do you think, crewmen? This is the devil and his man-lusting devil servant.

However, I'll make a deal with you. You kill them both, and I'll see that your

debt is paid.

Just don't go marooning yourself again, mateys. Lord, we need to talk about this

harlot you gave me. Hi!

Are you alive?

as devilese for devil, Captain.

Oh?

It was like Zyfing controlled her mind or something. She wasn't my beloved

Jules, she was... Helmswoman, make way for open waters.

Aye. What does Zyfing want with Jules?

Zyfing? Zyfing seeks Stagnetti. What?

He's dead.

I know.

Seems absolutely ludicrous. But so are undead skeleton warriors, and I've seen

them too.

How do you know Stagnetti?

I was forced along with Serena to join his crew or die.

So I did.

Until I was betrayed and imprisoned.

Sorry.

Scepter.

Scepter.

The Scepter gives him the protective powers of evil. If we don't get to

Victor before Zayfang does, no man will.

I am no ordinary man.

I defeated him before, and I will defeat him again.

Are you prepared to go up against Satan's will?

I am the captain.

Who changes the wind of destiny.

It is my will that will end this conflict, now and forever.

Do you have any cannons?

Stagnetti took my sister away in the middle of the night.

And the last I heard, she was sold as a sex slave to some pirate named Armenian

Gold.

Oh.

Oh.

I see.

You see nothing.

I will not rest until my sister is home safe.

I've spent the last three years hunting Stagnetti.

What makes you think that you have a chance catching him?

Because I caught him before, and if I have to, I'll do it again.

Is that so?

Word around the Caribbean is that your master Gunner is the one who sunk the

Devil's Rose.

A vicious lie. I could try it by my jealous adversaries. It was my orders to

sunk the Devil's Rose.

I defeated Stagnetti and nobody else.

Just watch. You'll see my glory.

You shall see.

Proceed.

Captain Reynolds, the captain wishes to inform you that we will arrive in

Calaveras Waters within a few hours.

Thank you.

Captain Reynolds, we wish to have a word with you, sir.

Certainly. We wish to hear the tale of how you sent the Devil's Rose and Victor

Stagnetti down at Davy Jones' locker.

I'm sorry, sailors.

I don't have time for the telling of tales right now.

Please, Captain.

All the pirates and sailors tell the tale of how you bravely defeated

Stagnetti. We just wish to hear it from your handsome lips.

Well, perhaps I have time for the shortened version of how I've...

Defeated the Devil's Rose.

Oh, wonderful. Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Captain.

The first time I did battle with the evil Victor Stagnetti was at an ancient

Incan cave in the color of Varus Islands.

What was in the cave?

The cave?

Lots of rocks.

Were there giant man-eating snakes?

No, not exactly.

Well,

there was other dangerous things.

Like what?

There was a...

Giant... Well, what was it?

Porcupine!

A porcupine? Well, that's not very scary at all.

Yeah, with three snarling lion heads.

How frightening!

Oh,

you don't know the worst of it.

Uh, its feet were giant man-eating crocodiles.

And its hands were large poisonous tarantulas.

And it had a...

massive tail that was a huge king cobra that would lure over the top really

poised to strike over the top of the three drooling lion heads.

What did you do?

Did I do?

Well, I did the only thing I could do.

And as I stood there poised over the three severed lion heads, I felt the

dark shadow of the king cobra coming over the top of me, poised for its death

strike. And as the venom dripped from its fangs into my open mouth, I spat the

poison back into the beast's eyes, thus blinding it.

As I stared and stagnated his eyes, three million skeletons arose from the

pits of hell.

Satan himself cried from his fiery depths.

Were you afraid?

Afraid? Fear is a foreign word to me.

I know nothing of the word fear.

As I rode the shark over the bow of the devil's rose, with cutlasses clashing

with one single blow, I severed the head of Victor Stegneri.

And damned Lucifer, back to hell.

And then the heavens opened up, and God came forth, and he kissed me upon the

forehead. And all was well with humanity, and all living.

things. Amen.

Oh, you are so brave. So beautiful.

We must reward you for saving the world. I require no reward.

The only reward that I need is sunshine in my face and sea air in my nostrils.

So modest.

Kiss me.

Oh, kiss me too.

Well, perhaps just a little reward.

I have been rather good lately.

No! No!

No!

No! No!

No!

No!

Yeah, yeah, so that mighty pirate sword.

I'd say pirates kneel before the mighty sword of the greatest pirate hunter that

ever lived.

Calaveras Island.

Captain Sagnetti lies within the waters beneath us.

It's so small, but so powerful.

It was first captured by the Spanish in an ancient Incan temple.

The Incans believed that the pearl has the power to harness one's deepest

desires.

King George ordered the Archbishop to return it to England personally.

The Mad King wants to use it to find second treasures.

It's a shame that it will be lost forever.

That fear sends the strongest man to the bottom of the void.

Have him bring the Dark Emperor to me.

Arthur, come forth!

It's time for darkness to rain upon the sea

Blackheart has been reborn from

the sea Really?

I don't see anything His presence infects me

My sword shall be my medicine.

You think Jules is still alive?

No matter. This isn't just about killing Victor for my own peace.

It's about vengeance for the thousands of innocents who died by his sword and

mine.

This must end.

Serena left the seas, Diane, to protect Jules' life.

Are you willing to sacrifice her life for his? Too many have been burned,

tortured.

murdered and raped because of my apathy.

You've walked away from the darkness.

Cleanse your hands of evil.

My hands are stained.

My soul is stained with the blood of good hearts.

Would you have the innocent blood of Jules on your hands as well?

It's good to see you again, my love.

Address me as emperor or master.

Yes, my master.

So how did you manage to capture this little pirate hunter?

She was hunting me in exchange for Serena's pardon for piracy.

So Serena's joined the ranks of the pirate hunters.

Yes,

master.

She'll soon return to me.

Do you still love her?

Love is God's work, not mine.

I seek only to devour the flesh.

Jules, come to me.

The Dark Siren sings her song of ecstasy once again.

Come devour your price.

Enter all.

I'm sorry.

We're lucky to catch her from behind.

The odds are in our favor. The odds will change, Captain.

You can rest assured of that.

That's not the sea stallion.

The sea stallion is in port for repairs.

Captain Reynolds may have chartered another ship.

Very good.

She swallowed the bait, Emperor.

The sea will soon swallow her. I met some good friends while I was down in

hell.

Captain, our odds just changed.

Why's it always gotta be the supernatural ship? Why can't I fight

just a good old pirate with a wooden leg and an eyepatch and a hook for a hand?

Those only exist in fairy tales.

That ghost ship's on a head-on collision course with us.

Nothing good's gonna come of this.

Here she comes.

Fire the chase gun!

I didn't expect that at all.

Did you?

Do you wish to fire the stun guns, my emperor?

No. Let's see what me dead mateys can do with them.

They're going to be bored and bored with that.

All hands on deck, ready for battle.

Do you think maybe we'll get lucky and they'll sail right past us?

Now, Edward, you know that wouldn't be any fun.

Fun? I just want to fight something.

It's not dead already.

They are dead.

So when you're fighting... Try not to get your sword tangled.

Captain, I don't get my sword tangled.

She's heading directly for us, Master. She'll be bored and bought soon. Good.

Let her. Prepare your men for that. As you wish.

Prepare for battle!

You're going to let them board?

What do you think?

Oh, now this is getting fucking ridiculous.

Where do you think you're going? I'm not playing this thing.

I'll be right back.

Olivia, good to see you again, my old friend.

May the greater evil win.

First bones, now a giant aquasquid.

What an ass pirate.

That got him! I told you I knew where they'd be!

Give another shot of hellfire, Wu!

Not until you promise to marry my sister!

Your captain is about to get eaten by a giant sea squid!

Now's not the time to talk about this, Wu!

He's coming right at us.

I can hear you.

What are you doing up here on the deck? Get down there and load those guns.

I need to marry her first.

Yeah, agree, marry me.

Okay, I'll marry her. You promise? Yes, I'll even marry you, Wu. Now go down

there and load those weapons.

Okay.

You better not lie to me. For the love of God, will you please go down there

and load the cannons?

You don't have to yell.

What kind of crazy family am I marrying into?

A family.

Devils! You be marrying into devils!

I heard there is a celebration going on at David Jones' locker.

And you're the guest of honor.

Enjoy the festivities.

You first.

I usually like to arrive fashionably late.

Give my regards to David Jay, you fucking bitch.

Jules, what are you doing?

Obeying my master. Well done, my slave.

Now open her up and drink her blood.

As you wish, master.

Regret is a horrifying ghost that lingers with you till you become a ghost

yourself.

I know.

I should have slit your throat the night you betrayed me.

This is my deepest regret.

And I regret that I didn't stay to ensure you suffered a horrifying end. I

would have loved to watch the prison rats chew the flesh from your bones as

you gazed into my hateful eyes.

Don't fall asleep.

I want you to watch your friends suffer from my blade while I drink your blood.

And that'll be your last bite, sea dog.

Listen to the rich boy, who hasn't even seen a pirate before our last encounter.

Speaks like a hardened sea warrior.

If you hadn't hidden behind that scepter, I would have killed you the

first time.

Oh, I doubt that, Edward.

Seriously, Doug, this is a...

Your tactical maneuvers are embarrassingly novice, Edward. A ten

-year-old cabin boy could have commanded that ship far better than you. Maybe,

but I still sunk your vessel.

You were adrift.

However, there will be no saving grace from your master gunner.

This time!

How does it feel, Edward?

How does it feel, Victor?

How does it feel knowing you were killed by the greatest pirate hunter that ever

lived?

How's it feel?

I'm all right.

Jules.

Jules, oh, God. Hey, Jules.

Jules, are you alive?

Jules! Jules! If you'd all stopped slapping me, Edward, I would have kicked

you in the balls. Jules, you're alive.

Thank you for saving my life.

You're welcome.

I mean, Olivia.

You're welcome.

What? Edward, what are you doing here?

Why? I just saved your life.

Both of your lives. Not that anyone noticed.

Really?

I don't remember that.

I did the most courageous thing in my whole life and no one even knows.

I believe it was very courageous. Can we go home?

How could Edward save the day when Woo is not around?

Well, let me tell you. I killed Victor Stagnetti.

He's dead.

I believe you.

You don't? You don't believe me?

You must have fallen overboard.

We did it. We certainly did, Oxford.

Me so happy.

Okay, what did I tell you about clinging to me while I'm piloting my ship?

I'm your baby panda. I crave.

Okay, listen. When this battle's over, we're going over proper battle protocol.

Do you understand me?

I have baby panda rub for you.

Stop it. I rub you.

Get off me. I rub you.

You need mint tea.

The love of gold. Could you please just give me a minute to myself?

I thought... I see that I certainly has you under a lot of strain.

Dare you speak ill of her.

She is an amazing little Chinese woman.

She makes me happy.

Which is more than I can say about you.

Just to clarify a few things... The night you tried to burn us alive, I

didn't sleep with anybody but you.

Oh, yeah?

Why were you with him, huh? He is the captain of this ship.

I am his first mate.

I should kill you for what you did to us. I didn't do anything, okay?

It was Bernard's idea.

I don't believe you. Listen, I was going through a very emotionally disturbing

time then, okay?

I... I... I've worked... I've worked through my... I've worked through my

issues.

And I've become a better man because of it.

And I realize that I don't need you to love me because I love myself

now.

Finally.

Besides, you're not that unique.

You're just an attention whore. What's that supposed to mean? You heard me.

You don't have the capacity to love.

You're afraid to love.

You're worried that you're going to end up like I did.

Confused and looking for someone who's afraid of true love, too.

Besides, you were a sexual whore.

What?

You said I was the best lover on this side of the Caribbean.

Then I met I.

What's so unique about I?

She's more passionate, she's exotic, and she knows how to pleasure a man with her

hands.

Well, I remember pleasuring you pretty damn well.

Okay, it's different, all right? It's an Eastern thing. You just wouldn't

understand, okay?

I'm just on a different sexual plane than you. And I've been enlightened

to true pleasure with I.

Does she lick?

and vigorously stroke you till you explode out of the mouth.

And a bear!

Aye!

I don't lie. I was just kissing him goodbye.

No, no, Jules.

She needs to hear the truth.

You don't rub me?

No. No, I rub you more than anything.

But I need you to give me my alone time.

Do you understand?

You rub me?

Yes, I love you.

Okay, I let you fuck her. I come back very, very soon. Whoa, whoa.

What? You're going to let me have sex with her? Yeah, I just wanted to know

you love me. You can let anybody make you happy come out, as long as you love

me.

Marco. Mm-hmm?

This could be fun.

Hi, would you like to stay and help our happy come out?

Oh, Panda Bear.

I'm so happy. I love you. I love you, too.

Oh, God.

Who's your captain now, Jules?

Feeling better, Commander?

Ship's shake, Captain. I don't know how to thank you.

No need to thank me. We're family.

Bye, Captain.

You did it.

Oh. Let's take anything.

Nothing really.

Defeating the most vicious pirate the world has ever known.

Again.

Child's play.

All in a day's work.

I'm proud of you. You were very brave.

Littleton.

Governor Littleton.

Who in his right mind will elect Littleton? as a governor.

You may enter.

Captain, may we have a word with you for a moment?

Yay, you may.

I was just writing a letter of thank you for Governor Littleton to give to the

king.

I wanted to apologize for doubting you.

You're truly a...

Brave sea warrior.

Brave? I merely did what was necessary.

That makes me just a man.

Beautiful man.

I won't argue with you there.

I wish to thank you for saving my life.

I will always be in your debt, Captain.

It was nothing.

And when we return to Kingston and Governor Littleton bestows upon Serena

full pardon, then you can thank me properly.

Yes, Kingston.

Yes, about Kingston.

What about Kingston? I was hoping we could hold off on going to Kingston for

a bit. We need to get back to Shibaba Island now.

Shibaba? Before?

I have reason to believe that my sister is being held prisoner there.

We made a decision.

We sail directly to Kingston and then we go back to Shibaba. Edward.

I've already told you. Governor Littleton will never pardon Serena.

Let's get to Kingston.

We can rectify the situation.

Why don't you let us rectify the situation, and you get us to Shibaba

Island? What if the Royal Navy finds Serena first?

Serena's fine.

Besides, we always have you to protect her.

Look at these mighty guns of glory.

Yes, I am a mighty frigate of destruction.

We need to go back to Shibaba, Edward.

My sister needs you.

How could I possibly turn down three beautiful women in need?

However, something doesn't feel right.

Does this feel right?

Perhaps sailing immediately to Shababa is exactly the proper course of action.

I will inform the helmsman.

right away of the course of the chain.

We will immediately begin to set sail for Shibata.

Rub your face in it, rub your face in it

Ugh.

I want you to fucking puke on his cock. I want you to feed it to me.

You're a fucking mouse to me.

Are you?

Yeah. You're a fucking pussy.

You're a fucking dirty pussy.

Oh, my God.

You're all the way inside your dirty fucking baby hole.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You're getting both in your fucking mouth.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Yeah.

You got my cock so fucking hard.

Fuck! Oh, fuck yes!

Oh, my God.

Please, wake up.

Don't fucking eat stuff, bitch.

Fucking waiting for it

Yeah.

That's it.

That's it.

That's my dirty little slip.

Don't fuck my ass, you dirty little whore. Come on. Get off my cock. Don't

fuck my ass.

Fuck me.

Come on, Captain.

Oh, my God.

Captain.

What was the name of that island again?

So you don't remember coming on to me and saying you want me in your mouth and

your anus. There you go telling stories again.

You practically raped me.

Right. Why would I lie about that?

Maybe you could tell me the secrets of your gunpowder. I don't teach my secrets

to the white devil.

Touché for stabbing me black hot.

The back's killing me.

I panned, I cried.

I need to apologize for my arrogance.

No need for apologies. You helped save my life. We're even.

There might be something else that I owe you.

Commander. Aye, Captain.

Report to the helm.

Your orders, Captain.

Keep sailing until we see the fires of hell itself.

Until heaven unleashes its light upon the darkness of evil.

Heading, Captain.

Back to She-Bulba Island.

We've got a sister to rescue.

Steady as she goes, Commander.

Steady as she goes.

Thank you.