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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,280
# You're a hippie
2
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:08,160
# You're a nothing
3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,280
# You're a yuppie
4
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# You're a something
5
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,960
# You're the wasteland... #
6
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
7
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# Built on the quicksand
8
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COMEDIAN: Although, actually,
I have to say,
9
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I don't think it's the most fun
you can have with your clothes on.
10
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,840
It's fucking with your clothes on.
LAUGHTER
11
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,720
I recommend it. It's a lot of fun.
Just, like, in a tuxedo.
12
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,920
You know,
pull your bowtie to the side.
13
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,400
Like, rip the tie back
so you can go down on someone.
14
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
15
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,200
It's just like
a really good day out.
16
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:45,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
17
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,520
Yeah, you guys like that?
This guy doesn't like it.
18
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
19
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,680
I'm going to do new stuff tonight.
20
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,960
There's a stag do in the back
21
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,320
that keeps shouting "minge"
every five minutes.
22
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,080
Just get on, get off,
23
00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,160
do what you've got to do, yeah?
24
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,080
You guys have been
absolutely amazing.
25
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,720
That girl is here again?
I've been Jack Barry. Goodnight!
26
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,000
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,720
{\an1}That was Jack Barry!
HE CHUCKLES
28
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,760
{\an1}How's everyone feeling? You good?
CHEERING
29
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Are you ready for the next act?
30
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,320
CHEERING
Yes, fantastic.
31
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:17,880
Now, she's a good friend of mine.
32
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,520
She's become a permanent fixture
on my sofa bed recently,
33
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,520
but she doesn't pay any fucking
rent, so she needs your support.
34
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,160
Please give it up for Mae Martin!
35
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,840
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,480
Thanks, man.
37
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,160
Hi, guys.
38
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,440
I'm Mae. Did everyone have
a good childhood?
39
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
40
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,240
I'm from Canada.
41
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,840
I came over in a canoe recently
with Celine Dion.
42
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,920
LAUGHTER
She was at the helm.
43
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,240
I'm recently single.
Is anybody single? Give me a cheer.
44
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:51,600
CHEERING
Woo!
45
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,440
Um, yeah. And it's fine.
I'm doing fine.
46
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,600
I'm...I'm catching up
on my reading -
47
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,720
just reading my ex's Facebook page.
48
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,160
LAUGHTER
That's all that I read.
49
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:04,680
I feel weird recently, and the only
way I can describe it is like
50
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,720
I feel like I'm full of birds.
51
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,080
Not like hummingbirds,
like I'm anxious,
52
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,680
but, like, pelicans.
53
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:15,080
Like, very greasy pelicans
in my chest.
54
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,760
I don't know if you've ever seen
a photo after an oil spill,
55
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,040
and the beach is just...
56
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,200
There's all these birds
and they're covered in oil
57
00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,440
and they can't lift their wings,
and they're like...
58
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,800
They're in my chest.
SHE LAUGHS
59
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,760
Thank you, one person, for laughing.
60
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,720
Can you tell your friend I'm going
to flush her phone down the toilet
61
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,200
if she doesn't stop texting?
Sorry.
62
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,200
Who are you texting?
I'm not texting.
63
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,760
I'm playing Candy Crush.
CROWD MURMUR AND LAUGH
64
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,200
No, that's fine.
That's absolutely fine.
65
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,320
It's very important that
I stay humble, so...
66
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,960
Did my mother hire you?
67
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
68
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,600
MAN: Minge!
69
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:48,920
{\an1}UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER
70
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,040
See, that's funny.
That's really funny!
71
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,640
God, I loved that! Mm.
72
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,800
It just makes you think, like,
everything is perspective.
73
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,560
Mm. You know, like...like, OK,
74
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,640
I look at this
and I see a pint glass, right?
75
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,040
But you might see some...hazelnuts,
OK?
76
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,760
And we wouldn't even know.
HE CHUCKLES
77
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,880
Hey, have I ever told you
my story about ham?
78
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:12,040
No. You're going to love it.
HE LAUGHS
79
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,400
Hold that thought.
80
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,120
Just going to go get my Tupperware
from the cloakroom. OK.
81
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:20,360
George, why did you drag us here?
I literally hate comedy.
82
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,920
It's so embarrassing.
83
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,560
That girl was so rude to me!
84
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,080
Binky, you were on your phone
all the way through her set.
85
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,200
SHE LAUGHS
I know! I'm so bad!
86
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,400
Binks, what did you tell Jarod?
87
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,320
Oh, I told him that you fancy him.
88
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,480
Oh, Jesus! Why did you do that?!
89
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,600
Because you haven't been
with anyone since Andrew.
90
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,000
That's five years ago.
91
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,520
Your vagina is going to seal up.
92
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:46,360
It's about this big.
It's got coleslaw in it. No?
93
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,120
Right, let's go. The car is outside.
94
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,800
You know, actually,
I think I'm going to walk.
95
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,720
Yeah, and I'm going to go to
the bathroom, too, so you guys go.
96
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,280
Yeah. OK. Bye.
97
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,080
Bye.
98
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,040
No.
99
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:13,880
Can I get double gin
and tonic, please?
100
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,440
Oh, man, that was hard work.
101
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,600
That girl was laughing, though.
What?
102
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,640
Nah, come on. Why not?
103
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,760
I mean, have you seen her?
She's like England's rose.
104
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,320
And I'm like a kernel of corn
105
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,560
that somebody glued
onto some sticks.
106
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,600
{\an1}HE CHUCKLES
107
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,240
She's like a dangerous Mary Poppins.
I'm like Bart Simpson.
108
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,080
That's funny. So, what should I do?
Go talk to her or what?
109
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,320
Yeah.
110
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,040
She's been here, like, three times,
only laughing at your stuff.
111
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,640
And your stuff is bad.
112
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:40,800
Thank you!
113
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,120
What's the worst that can happen?
114
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,640
Oh, humiliation, loneliness,
depression... Hello? ..regret.
115
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,200
Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
116
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,800
Oh, sorry. You're busy. I...
117
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:52,720
Yeah, I just wanted to say
sorry about my friend.
118
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,920
So, sorry. No. Fine.
How...? How are...who are you?
119
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,840
Uh, I'm George. Hi.
120
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,360
Yeah. Hi. Hi.
121
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,240
Do you understand
the rules of this game? Yeah. OK.
122
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,480
I think so, yeah.
It's very straightforward. OK.
123
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,520
How old are you? 29.
When did you lose your virginity?
124
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,120
Um, just...yesterday!
THEY LAUGH
125
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,200
Just yesterday!
126
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,480
What's your favourite film?
SHE LAUGHS
127
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,480
Coyote Ugly. Coyote Ugly!
That's not true.
128
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,440
OK. OK. My turn.
129
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,600
How long have you been in England?
130
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:24,760
Two years.
131
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,040
Who's your favourite member
of the Beatles. Brian.
132
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,960
Are we on a date? I...I don't know.
133
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,360
Are we? Well, I don't know.
That's why I'm asking you.
134
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,240
Well, I don't know.
Do you want to be on a date?
135
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:36,040
Why are we fighting right now?
SHE LAUGHS
136
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,480
Right. I'm going home.
137
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,480
What's your plan?
138
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,160
I'm going to stay out for a bit.
139
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,320
So shall I pull out
the sofa bed, or...?
140
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,960
I don't know, man. OK.
141
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,480
Well, do you have your key?
142
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,160
I'm in the middle of
a very riveting conversation, Nick,
143
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,360
so maybe I'll text you later.
144
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,880
Right. Well, I'll see you in,
what, six months, yeah?
145
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,120
Enjoy your date!
146
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,160
Wow. He said it was a date. Yeah.
So I guess it is. Mm.
147
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,120
I've never been on a date
with a girl before.
148
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,560
Yeah. Oh, no. Absolutely.
149
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,880
Yeah. No. Yeah, yeah. OK.
150
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,800
So, then would you say that
you've ever kissed a girl?
151
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,760
Yeah. I mean, yeah. I'm not Mormon.
152
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,760
Oh, OK. Yeah. Oh, that's a shame.
153
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,000
Oh. I exclusively date Mormons.
154
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,200
Oh!
155
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,520
Well...
156
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,640
Do you like films?
You want to kiss me, Mae?
157
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:40,200
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah?
Oh, look, that would be so cool.
158
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,600
Now? Yes.
159
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,280
Well, anyways...
160
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,000
Oh... Oh, my God. Phil!
161
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,520
Christ, can you wear tap shoes
or something?
162
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:22,600
Sorry, Mae, this is my flatmate.
I found him online.
163
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,680
Hey. Hey.
164
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:28,920
Um, Mae was just going
to help me arrange my shoes.
165
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,760
Are you OK?
166
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,000
I have depression. Oh, I'm sorry.
167
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,600
OK, thank you, Phil.
Mae, my shoes are upstairs. OK.
168
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,240
So, this is my room.
169
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:54,520
# Whoa
170
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,840
# Oh-oh
171
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:05,920
# Come down from the mountain
You have been gone too long
172
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:15,640
# The spring is upon us
Follow my only song
173
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,280
MAE YELLS INDISTINCTLY
Oh, my gosh, no! Fuck, no!
174
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:25,560
# Settle down with me
by the fire of my yearning
175
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,200
# You should come back home... #
176
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,400
No...
177
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:34,880
# Back on your own now
178
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,840
# Oh-oh
179
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,200
OVER PHONE SPEAKER:
# The world is alive now... #
180
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,600
Can you turn off that music, please,
and stop touching my hand, please?
181
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,600
{\an1}MUSIC STOPS
182
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,880
George? Georgina? Excuse me?
183
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,600
Can you wake up, please?
184
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,120
Wait, what's happening?
Why are you over there?
185
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,560
I couldn't sleep. I'm too pumped.
186
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,080
So I went out and went for a walk.
187
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,200
I got you two coffees,
188
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,320
like a lottery ticket
and some Bombay mix.
189
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,000
And while you were sleeping,
190
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,200
I painted a very beautiful
portrait of you.
191
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,240
It's like a moving-in gift.
SHE EXHALES
192
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,800
So, what do you want to do today?
You want to go to IKEA?
193
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,160
A very big day for us.
194
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,680
Can you just lie on top of me
and tell me something Canadian?
195
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:38,840
On July 1st, 1867, the provinces
of New Brunswick, Nova Scotia
196
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,560
and Canada were declared
the Dominion of Canada,
197
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,440
with John A. MacDonald
its first Prime Minister.
198
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,000
Wow. Mm.
199
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:51,880
Oh, my... This is a masterpiece.
I know. Oh, fuck.
200
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,600
I didn't get you any presents.
201
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,920
Excuse me, I don't need presents.
202
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,520
It's the greatest gift of my life
203
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,680
that I get to have sex with goddamn
Princess Diana every day.
204
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:01,960
{\an1}SHE CHUCKLES
205
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,360
OK, I'm going to make today
really good. Oh yeah?
206
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:07,560
Yeah, honestly. Yeah.
207
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,480
It's just... It's just...
It's new for me. What is?
208
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:14,520
Well, all of this. Letting someone
penetrate my inner sanctum.
209
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:17,480
I call my flat my inner sanctum.
Oh, that's so weird.
210
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,000
That's what I call your pussy.
211
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,640
SHE LAUGHS
No!
212
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,840
George? Mm?
213
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,720
Can we invite some of these people
round tonight? Some of your friends?
214
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,880
We could have, like, a dinner,
and I could meet them?
215
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,320
Like, who is this?
Mm, no. Sorry, no.
216
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,440
I have this, um,
work meeting tonight.
217
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,680
It's the whole English department.
On a Saturday? Mm. Yeah.
218
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,720
SKYPE CALL RINGING
Oh, shit. That's my parents.
219
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,880
{\an5}Um, I have to Skype my parents.
You want to talk to them? Mm, yeah.
Oh, cool. Mm.
220
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,040
Hi, Mom. Mae. Hi, Linda.
Oh, Georgina.
221
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,080
Oh, well, now, don't look at me.
222
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,560
I'm 3,000 years old.
MAN IN BACKGROUND LAUGHS
223
00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:01,040
You two are just the vision
of beauty and youth, as per usual.
224
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,280
How's cohabitation?
225
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,920
Oh, it's so great. Um,
it's been a big adjustment.
226
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:08,760
Oh, Georgina, don't look at me.
I mean what I say.
227
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,560
Hello, darling daughter.
228
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,320
Oh, hello, George.
229
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,360
{\an1}How lovely. Hi, Dad. How are you?
230
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,840
Er, well, madly in love with
your mother, of course.
231
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:20,200
Oh, please stop.
I'm a repulsive old witch.
232
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,000
So, Georgina,
when are we going to meet you?
233
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,280
I think it's outrageous
we haven't met you yet.
234
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,960
Um, well, you do live in Canada,
so...
235
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,880
Yeah, it's been three months, guys.
Chill.
236
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,040
Oh, your mother and I moved
in together after five days.
237
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,440
That's true. We just knew.
238
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,200
Now, Mae,
your father and I want to know
239
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,560
if you've found a new
Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Um...
240
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,280
A what meeting? A what meeting?
241
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,640
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop.
242
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:50,160
Mom, can you please stop dredging
up the past? Please.
243
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,480
Don't say "dredging".
244
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:55,000
That's disgusting.
All right, so, I'm off.
245
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:59,320
I'm not saying I want to talk
about the past, believe you me.
246
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,960
I just want to know that
you're going to a regular meeting.
247
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,320
I've been very busy.
248
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,640
I've been moving in with George
249
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,280
and I...I can't sleep these days.
250
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:10,600
You can't sleep?
It's not a big deal. Oh, my God.
251
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,480
All right, I think
I should just tell you.
252
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,040
I think that's because
you were four weeks premature.
253
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:19,440
Was I? You were in an incubator,
sweetheart.
254
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,440
It's why we're not close.
255
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,080
Are we not close?
256
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:28,320
And now I have to go.
Find a regular meeting. Yeah, bye.
257
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,160
{\an1}KNOCKING AT DOOR
258
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,720
So, I-I just found out
I'm super premature.
259
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,680
You're in Narcotics Anonymous?
260
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,600
It's really not a big deal.
I've been sober for ages.
261
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,640
I honestly don't want
to talk about it any more.
262
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:51,560
I just want to enjoy being in this
beautiful furniture store with you.
263
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,640
Oh, I'm going to get this one.
264
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,280
Mae, that is fucking massive. Yeah.
265
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,240
No, look, just get this one, OK?
266
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,360
Oh, cool. Thanks.
267
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:04,880
So, OK, tell me, what is...what is
"ages sober"? Like, six years?
268
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:09,520
Six months? A week? Yes.
Yes? Yes what?
269
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,960
Why won't you talk to me?
I am talking to you. Then...
270
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,680
OK, look.
271
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,960
I don't know if this
is new information to you
272
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,440
or if this is something that
you're aware of already,
273
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,760
but you have
the number one best face
274
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,840
I've ever seen in real life.
275
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,160
Mae, thank you, that's really kind,
but you say that to me every day.
276
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,720
Cos it's true. I've seen 'em
in films, but not like this.
277
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,360
It's like milk. Stop.
You're a milk maid. Mae, stop it.
278
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,720
Should I be worried? No.
279
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:40,040
Honestly, it's very old news.
Yeah?
280
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,000
Look, there's so much stuff that
I didn't know about you
281
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,160
when we moved in together,
and I'm having to adjust.
282
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,160
Like, I had no idea that
you have a mug that says
283
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,280
"I heart Guernsey" on it.
Is that true? Do you heart Guernsey?
284
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,280
What even is a Guernsey?
SHE LAUGHS
285
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,160
It's making me question everything.
286
00:13:55,880 --> 00:14:00,600
Mae, I love you, so please
find a meeting so I can relax.
287
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,960
Yeah, if you love me,
I'll go right now. Yeah? Yeah.
288
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,880
On one condition, though. OK.
I'm going to get this wardrobe.
289
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:13,120
My name's David and I'm an addict.
GROUP: Hi, David.
290
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,480
Er, first up on the agenda today,
happy birthday to Karen.
291
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,800
Karen let us know last week that
it was going to be her birthday,
292
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,600
so, er, we wish you a joyous
and a sober day.
293
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,800
And I've brought in some
of my devilled eggs as a snack.
294
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,000
Second of all,
a warm welcome to any newcomers.
295
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,600
Er, hi, I'm Mae.
296
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:41,000
I'm Mae, I'm an addict.
GROUP: Hi, Mae. Welcome, Mae.
297
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,760
Does anyone want to share?
298
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,600
David, I'd like to start.
299
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,000
My name is Karen and I'm an addict.
GROUP: Hi, Karen.
300
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:52,720
First up, I'd like to come clean.
It's not my birthday.
301
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,440
I don't know why I said that.
302
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:55,880
Anyway, something that is...
303
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,560
WHISPERS: Is there coffee?
Just eggs.
304
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:04,680
Yes, Mae has something to share.
Oh, no, no. I'm fine.
305
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:08,080
I don't...I don't think
I really need to be here.
306
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,960
Yeah,
you seem like a really fun crew,
307
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,800
but, um, I've been clean a long time
and, um, I think for me
308
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,840
the main problem is that
I was very premature.
309
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:21,040
I was actually in an incubator.
Anyway, I hate eggs.
310
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:25,320
What do we say to newcomers, guys?
GROUP: Keep coming back. It works.
311
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,320
Are you all right? Yeah,
I'm fine, I'm just premature.
312
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,080
Ah, it's so boring in there,
isn't it?
313
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,680
I can't... I can't bear it either.
314
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,560
I just hate eggs,
you know what I mean? So do I!
315
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,760
They're loathsome.
I call them the devil's orbs.
316
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,120
That's funny.
Can I get you a coffee?
317
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,880
You look like you need a coffee.
I love coffee.
318
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,120
I find it so weird that
it comes from beans.
319
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,720
Isn't that bizarre?
SHE LAUGHS
320
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,040
I'm Maggie. I'm Mae.
321
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,520
Good to meet you.
322
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,360
This is actually the, um, exit.
Oh...
323
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,520
{\an1}THEY LAUGH
324
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,720
I want you to do something for me.
325
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,440
I want you to take your past
and I want you to put it in a box.
326
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:10,800
Have you done that? Yeah.
327
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,080
Now, take that box
and throw it in the bin
328
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,720
and flush that bin down the toilet.
329
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:19,000
Oh, man. Yeah, that's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah.
330
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,160
Do you know where my past is? Where?
331
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,320
It's in a box, in a trench,
at the bottom of the ocean.
332
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,040
Only James Cameron has seen it.
333
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,480
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
334
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,840
Wow.
335
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,720
Oh, God, I'm sorry, but I've hated
every single mouthful of that coffee
336
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,560
and I must do something
about it now,
337
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,000
otherwise I will die!
338
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,760
I don't know why I come here.
339
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,320
You want to know how
to fix your brain? Simple.
340
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,880
Just stay busy.
341
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,800
Never don't be doing something,
ever.
342
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,200
I'm far too busy
to think about drugs.
343
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,160
So, do you have kids and stuff,
or...?
344
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,360
I have hobbies.
345
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,840
I bake, I kayak,
I weave my own clothes on a loom.
346
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,360
{\an1}Sometimes I just run to Kent.
347
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,880
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
I've been clean for 12 years.
348
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,120
{\an1}MAN CLEARS THROAT
349
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,720
Oh, don't look at me
like that, Ethan!
350
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,280
It just doesn't make sense to me.
351
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,720
I just... How can someone so clean
and fresh be an ex-junkie?
352
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,200
She smells like laundry.
353
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:10,920
It makes sense, man.
354
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,440
I mean, her legs are always moving,
her eyes are spooky.
355
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,360
Yes, but you know about addicts
cos you're from, um...
356
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,960
Hollywood. I'm from Hollywood.
357
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,520
You gotta make her feel safe.
358
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,800
Mm. I don't know, make this place
more Canadian or something.
359
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,080
Canada?
360
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:28,400
Yeah, I can do that. Thanks.
361
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,080
I don't think we've ever had
a proper conversation before.
362
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:34,120
Becoming friends.
All right, up top.
363
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:35,360
OK.
364
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,840
All right. Brunch on Thursday?
365
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,920
No, thank you.
366
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,120
Friday?
367
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,120
I think you should take up capoeira.
I'm sorry, but I really, really do.
368
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,880
Oh, my God,
you're like a prophet.
369
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,800
Thank you so much, I gotta go,
but I'm gonna call you.
370
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,720
Or, actually,
do you want to be my sponsor?
371
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,880
Cos I don't think
I really need the meetings.
372
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,200
No, no, no, neither do I!
But maybe we could just hang out
373
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,040
and then that would be
like the same thing?
374
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,640
Yeah, yeah.
Any time, night or day.
375
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,800
And remember, throw your past in the
bin and just stay busy. Stay busy!
376
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,360
THEY LAUGH
Bye. Yeah.
377
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,600
Wait, what...what do you mean,
you're not going back?
378
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,600
I'm just not going back. They only
had eggs, it was bullshit.
379
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,960
Oh, oh, wow, yeah, that's so cool.
You're such a rebel.
380
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,840
Mae, you're like James Dean.
381
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,280
OK, but check it out.
382
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,600
I got a sponsor.
383
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,840
I met this weird woman
384
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,280
and she said I just need to stay
really busy instead.
385
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,760
I... Wait.
386
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,320
Do you actually think
I look like James Dean?
387
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:28,720
Mae, I...
388
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,080
Isn't the first rule
of these meetings
389
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,680
accepting that you have a problem?
390
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,880
I had a problem and now I have you.
391
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,320
You can't just have me, OK?
392
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:38,720
I don't just have you.
393
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,520
I have work
and I have my friends and...
394
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,440
{\an1}MAE SCOFFS
395
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,680
Yeah.
396
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,000
What? What is that?
397
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:51,200
All right, how come I've never met
any of your friends?
398
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,440
She makes a good point.
399
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,960
I'm sorry, can we not have
this conversation
400
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,440
in front of Phil, please?
401
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,120
I'm going to introduce you
when I'm ready, OK?
402
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,960
But this conversation
is about you, actually.
403
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,760
Well, maybe I didn't
tell you about it
404
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,320
because I didn't think you'd get it.
405
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,000
We've had very different lives
and you grew up,
406
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,840
like, in a bag of feathers.
407
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,320
Er, Oxford, actually,
I grew up in Oxford.
408
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,800
Have you ever heard of it?
409
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,360
Maybe I'd get it if you explained
it, but you don't, OK?
410
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,760
So, I have to, like,
root around in all of your stuff.
411
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,880
You went through my stuff? Yes!
412
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,120
It says here that you wrote
this in hospital.
413
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,440
And...and that you owe someone
called Ink Boy $800.
414
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,880
Oh, and what is this?
Is this, like, a....
415
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,320
like, a drugs hat?
416
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,120
Mae, where are you going?
417
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:51,920
Oh, my God.
418
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,280
{\an1}PSYCHADELIC ROCK MUSIC
419
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,120
Fuck!
420
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:09,680
I don't...
421
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,920
What the fuck was that?
422
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,480
New me, new life.
423
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,720
I have everything under control.
424
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,280
Said every junkie, ever.
425
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,480
Oh, Mae. I...
426
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,680
Oh.
427
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,320
God, why do you have to be
so intense?
428
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,200
I am not...intense.
429
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,760
I'm sorry. I...
430
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:46,040
So, I'm jizzing and I'm jizzing
and I'm jizzing.
431
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,440
I'm jizzing like
a goddamn machinegun.
432
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,520
Jizz, jizz, jizz, jizz, jizz,
jizz, jizz. Reload!
433
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,400
Why did you book this terrible man?
434
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,240
That's Pete. People love Pete.
435
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,840
If they like him,
they're not going to like me.
436
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,400
Ah, well. You'd be surprised.
People are mad.
437
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:03,560
Yeah, but...
438
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:10,040
{\an1}HIGH-PITCHED RINGING
439
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,680
{\an1}HE SNORTS
440
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,600
Ee-hee-hee!
441
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:19,920
You're up next.
442
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,960
Where you been all my life, baby?
443
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,480
Oh, er, what is this?
444
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,840
{\an1}Do you like it? It's my new gimmick.
CROWD CHEERS
445
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,800
Fuck yeah, I'm the fucking king!
Woo!
446
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,160
Wahey!
447
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,080
Who's this guy? Oh.
448
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,960
# Slam your body down
and wind it all around
449
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,480
# If you want to be my lover... #
450
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,160
So, Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
451
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,720
I bring in my packed lunch,
I have my usual, which is...
452
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,920
Ham. Ham.
453
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,480
Then Tuesday, Thursday,
454
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,400
I go into the cafeteria.
455
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,720
What do you think they're serving on
both days this particular week?
456
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,920
Ham?
457
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,400
{\an1}HE LAUGHS
458
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,040
So, that's Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday -
459
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,840
ham, ham, ham, ham, ham.
460
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,160
I'm seeing someone, sorry.
461
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,200
OK.
462
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,800
Well, I feel like
a regular old ham head.
463
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,080
{\an1}THEY LAUGH
464
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:08,720
What's his name?
465
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,840
Um, Jonathan....Crenshaw.
466
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,680
Jonathan Crenshaw.
467
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,200
Yeah. Yep.
468
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:18,880
Well, you know, when the cat's away,
the mice hit the town and...
469
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,040
I don't remember the exact saying,
but...
470
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:22,880
NEW SONG STARTS
Oh, shit, this is me.
471
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,920
# One can have a dream, baby
472
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,840
# Two can make that dream
so true... #
473
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,000
Fuck off, Jared!
474
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,320
# One can talk about being in love,
two can say how it really feels
475
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,360
# One can wish... #
476
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:50,480
# Call me any time... #
477
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,400
{\an1}NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE
478
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,360
# Crawl
479
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,560
# I cried for you
480
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,120
# Died for you... #
481
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,800
Hi.
482
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,040
Hi.
483
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,680
What do you want to know?
484
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,160
Everything?
485
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,200
I got addicted to coke
when I was a kid
486
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,440
and my parents kicked me out.
487
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:28,760
I sold drugs, I overdosed,
I...I went to jail.
488
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,120
I just really, really,
I want it to be over.
489
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,680
{\an1}SHE SIGHS
490
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:37,760
OK.
491
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:42,560
Really? Yeah.
492
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,000
Cool.
493
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,240
So, is there anything
else that we need to talk about?
494
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,440
Like, did you want to tell me
about your friends
495
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,840
and why you're being... Er, why
don't you just go down on me?
496
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,240
OK, that sounds good, yeah.
497
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,160
{\an1}PHONE CHIMES
498
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,520
{\an1}HIGH-PITCHED RINGING
60569
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