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1
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I'm Alyssa.
2
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,200
I'm 19.
3
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,680
And I thought I already had
the shittest day of my life.
4
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,000
You look like a princess.
5
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,560
But this is actually worse.
6
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,480
I got community service for what I did,
7
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,560
which wasn't as bad
as going back to school.
8
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,680
It's not easy,
what comes after something like that.
9
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,880
It's like you become a shit celebrity.
10
00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,840
You become someone else.
11
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Even to yourself.
12
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,320
But you can't go back
to who you were before.
13
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:19,520
I think my mum found what happened to me
even worse than I did.
14
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,680
Please, Tony. Please don't leave me!
15
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,240
I've kicked Tony out.
16
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:29,520
She hadn't.
17
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,600
Mum went genuinely a bit mad after that.
18
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,240
She started talking about herself
in the third person.
19
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,400
I think Gwen needs a nap.
20
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:45,760
Okay.
21
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,720
It was too much, us staying there.
22
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,760
In that house, that town.
23
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,560
So we took the twins and left.
24
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,640
It meant missing the end of school,
but mum said that was okay.
25
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,160
You can finish it later.
26
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,760
Or get a job.
27
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,280
Or marry someone rich.
28
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:13,720
Sorry.
29
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:30,080
We went to live with my aunt, Leigh,
30
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:31,560
Mum's half-sister.
31
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,720
She runs a cafe,
and she doesn't trust deodorant
32
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,200
because of breast cancer.
33
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,200
I like her.
34
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,720
She said we could stay at her place
for as long as we wanted.
35
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,080
We've been here over a year now.
36
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,520
I don't think she meant that long.
37
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,440
It's good that Mum has someone else
to talk to.
38
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,320
Good for me.
39
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,920
It makes it easier for me to be okay.
40
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,480
And actually, I am okay.
41
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,480
I don't really feel anything any more.
42
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,000
It's good, not feeling.
43
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,680
It's like a superpower.
44
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:30,840
Leigh gave me a job.
45
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,040
Mainly, so that I had something to do,
I think.
46
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:36,240
This is what you might call irony.
47
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:40,320
See if Marvin can make
a banana split for me, you fucking cu...
48
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,000
What can I get you?
49
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:43,560
Is that your real name?
50
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,920
You know it is.
51
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,000
Billy is Leigh's foster son.
52
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:48,600
It's shit.
53
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,080
He's a sweet kid.
54
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,600
Okay.
55
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,360
Work's boring.
56
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,840
But I did meet Todd there.
57
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:02,920
Hiya.
58
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,160
He teaches canoeing to kids,
59
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:06,960
and he has quite strong opinions.
60
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:08,720
You know Finland?
61
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,120
It doesn't actually exist.
62
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,640
It's a fabricated land mass
made up by the Russians in the Cold War.
63
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:16,960
Right.
64
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,520
Is this a date?
65
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,480
Yeah.
66
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:26,560
Cool.
67
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,120
He's kind of like a dog.
68
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,360
In a good way.
69
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,600
He's also a really good kisser.
70
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,920
My aunt's got a cabin by the lake.
71
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,400
Cool.
72
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,720
Sex is actually all right, it turns out.
73
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,800
It's not such a big deal.
74
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,240
I told him about everything.
75
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,080
Shit.
76
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:02,640
Yeah.
77
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,320
Do you like chicken fajitas?
78
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,200
He gets it.
79
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,200
Do you wanna get married?
80
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,160
Yeah, fuck it, why not?
81
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,600
Exactly, fuck it.
82
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,160
Mum's pretty excited about the wedding.
83
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,160
She's really thrown herself
into the whole thing.
84
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,920
- Why are we doing this again?
- What, love?
85
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,240
The wedding is tomorrow, it fits.
86
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,440
It fit fine before.
87
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,120
Now...
88
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,240
it's perfect.
89
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,936
Getting married young
is one of the most renegade things
90
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,280
you can do these days.
91
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,800
Mum's using Tony's divorce money
to pay for it,
92
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,880
which is also pretty maverick.
93
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:10,840
And I'm happy.
94
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,320
For the first time in ages,
I'm really happy.
95
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,960
♪ Chills and fever ♪
96
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,520
♪ Ooh, chills and fever ♪
97
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:24,320
♪ Chills and fever
Is what you give to me ♪
98
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,560
♪ When you hold my hand ♪
99
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:32,600
♪ And tell me that I'm your loving man ♪
100
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,720
♪ Kiss me... ♪
101
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,200
Getting a bullet in the post
should be threatening.
102
00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,960
But it's hard to feel frightened
of someone
103
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,520
who can't spell your name right.
104
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,280
And clearly doesn't know where you live.
105
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,120
♪ Ooh, chills and fever ♪
106
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:52,040
♪ Ooh, chills and fever ♪
107
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,440
♪ Chills and fever
Is what you give to me ♪
108
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,440
♪ When it's late at night ♪
109
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,480
♪ And when, when you hold me tight ♪
110
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,240
♪ Tell me that you love me so ♪
111
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,920
♪ That you'll never, ever
Ever let me go ♪
112
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,680
♪ Ooh, chills and fever... ♪
113
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:15,960
Excuse me.
114
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,200
You thought about killing yourself?
115
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,280
- What?
- I said, "Is there service included?"
116
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,040
Oh, no. Don't worry about it.
117
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,040
- Keep the change.
- Thanks.
118
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,200
Do you know whose car that is?
119
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,600
No. Why?
120
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,280
Dunno.
121
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Nothing.
122
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,840
I used to be really good at knowing
123
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,320
when someone was watching me.
124
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,000
But now I'm not sure.
125
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,400
I'm probably just being paranoid.
126
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,400
- I'll be in the office.
- Okay.
127
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:44,840
Oi!
128
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,560
What the fuck?
129
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:52,720
Who are you?
130
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:01,880
Oh, my God.
131
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:16,040
♪ Why does the sun keep on shining? ♪
132
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,480
♪ Why does the sea... ♪
133
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,880
It was a fitting end.
134
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,080
A doomed love story.
135
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,760
A perfect tragedy.
136
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:32,800
And then I didn't die.
137
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,800
I was under 24-hour police surveillance
138
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,680
as I waited for a court date.
139
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:44,280
Are you gonna eat that?
140
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,240
No.
141
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,400
Do you, uh... Do you mind?
142
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:52,880
No.
143
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:03,800
Where's Alyssa?
144
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,280
Alyssa and I weren't allowed
to see each other.
145
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,040
Not at all.
146
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,720
But I thought about her all the time.
147
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,320
Hello, James.
148
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,440
I've got some results to discuss with you.
149
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,560
Would you like your dad?
150
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:27,240
My dad's response to me being shot
was to eat or cry.
151
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,400
Quite often at the same time.
152
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,600
Sorry, James.
153
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:35,960
No, that's all right.
154
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,760
Fine.
155
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:41,680
Well...
156
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,040
as you know, James, the information...
157
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,840
The bullet had done quite a lot of damage.
158
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,320
She talked about my injuries,
159
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,720
about complications.
160
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,280
And things taking time.
161
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:56,880
And long roads ahead.
162
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,840
But in many ways,
163
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,880
James, you have been extremely lucky.
164
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,600
I didn't feel lucky.
165
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,200
Okay.
166
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,880
I felt like I was being punished.
167
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,720
And maybe I deserved it.
168
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,080
James?
169
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,880
I'd never met Alyssa's mum before.
170
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,040
At first, she seemed quite nice.
171
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:24,640
How are you?
172
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:26,720
I'm okay.
173
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,840
- Would you like a yogurt?
- No. Thank you.
174
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,800
- How's Alyssa?
- You need to break up with her.
175
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,080
- What?
- The thing is, it's your fault, isn't it?
176
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,760
What happened.
I'm sure you didn't mean it, but...
177
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,880
you've ruined her life.
178
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,240
You've ruined everything.
179
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,240
Sorry.
180
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:49,720
What can you offer her?
181
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,480
Like... this?
182
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:53,600
No offense.
183
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,000
It was quite hard not to take offense.
184
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,160
Are you going to be able to walk again?
185
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,360
I think so.
186
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,320
And they say you're going to prison.
Is that right?
187
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,400
I dunno.
188
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,000
Probably.
189
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,920
If you loved her, you'd let her go.
190
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,200
It's like that song.
191
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,520
I didn't know the song
she was talking about.
192
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,440
But I had a feeling she might be right.
193
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,360
I thought you could write her a letter.
194
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,240
I don't want to.
195
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,440
Well, she needs to move on,
and you're no good for her.
196
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,640
I'm sorry.
197
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,840
But that's the truth.
198
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,321
The truth was something
I'd been trying to ignore.
199
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:45,920
The harsher the better.
200
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,600
You know how stubborn she is.
201
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:51,680
I've got a stamp.
202
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,640
I had a feeling
that Alyssa got the letter.
203
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,600
Because I never heard from her again.
204
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,520
♪ I'm sitting here ♪
205
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:18,400
♪ And she's sitting there ♪
206
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,600
♪ Making believe... ♪
207
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,760
On the upside,
after a number of operations,
208
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,520
I was able
to start learning to walk again.
209
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,240
And I didn't go to prison after all.
210
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,320
Get in!
211
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,681
The jury agreed
I was acting in defence of another
212
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,400
and found me not guilty of murder.
213
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,200
The videotape definitely helped.
214
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:44,760
Stay still!
215
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,720
But I was given a suspended sentence
216
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,320
for various other misdemeanours.
217
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,720
I wanted to give my dad some money
for his new car.
218
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,280
But he wouldn't let me.
219
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,080
It's funny, the way people lie to be kind.
220
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,520
I think this is actually nicer to drive.
221
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,200
After I nearly died,
222
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,600
Dad signed up
for an online parenting course.
223
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,680
He started talking about his feelings.
224
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,800
I really value us spending time together.
225
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:17,920
Yeah.
226
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:20,920
I'm proud of you.
227
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:25,560
Thank you.
228
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,560
I think we should do
more activities together.
229
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:31,320
Okay.
230
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,080
Bowling did seem slightly ambitious,
231
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,280
given that I'd only recently got
the use of my legs back.
232
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,440
This is brilliant, innit?
233
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:45,800
Yeah!
234
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,320
I did it!
235
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,320
But in the end,
it wasn't me I should have worried about.
236
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,600
♪ Ruler of my heart ♪
237
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,840
♪ Driver of my soul ♪
238
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,240
♪ Where can you be? ♪
239
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,960
♪ I wait patiently... ♪
240
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,400
I never went back inside our house.
241
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,040
I couldn't even walk up the drive.
242
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,880
There was too much sadness in there.
243
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,360
♪ Where can you be? ♪
244
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,760
♪ I wait patiently ♪
245
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,800
♪ When you're alone ♪
246
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,360
♪ The going gets rough ♪
247
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,320
♪ Come back, come back, come back ♪
248
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,840
♪ I've had enough ♪
249
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,840
♪ Make me a queen ♪
250
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,200
♪ Happy again... ♪
251
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:01,320
Thank you.
252
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,400
♪ Hear my cry ♪
253
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:20,720
In a strange way,
254
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,240
the bullet gave me a new lease of life.
255
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,880
A reason to see Alyssa again.
256
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:31,880
To check that she was okay.
257
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,040
To see her again.
258
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,680
♪ If your love ♪
259
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,080
♪ Was mine alone... ♪
260
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,160
Hello.
261
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,680
♪ If I had your heart ♪
262
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,120
♪ To call my own ♪
263
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,720
♪ This would make me happy ♪
264
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,320
♪ And I'll be, I'll be satisfied... ♪
265
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,480
It's strange.
266
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,920
When someone's very important,
and you haven't seen them for a long time,
267
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,600
as soon as you do, it's easier to breathe.
268
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,520
♪ Was mine alone ♪
269
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,640
♪ If I had your heart ♪
270
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,200
♪ To call my own ♪
271
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,400
♪ This would make me happy ♪
272
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:33,440
♪ And I'll be, I'll be satisfied... ♪
273
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,080
I wanted to go and talk to her.
274
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,880
But then I realised that it was okay
if I just watched her.
275
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,440
Watched out for her.
276
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,480
Because you have to be vigilant
with people.
277
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,280
And I hadn't been.
278
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,480
Alyssa was my only person left.
279
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:54,240
♪ Like I'm loving you ♪
280
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,720
♪ And this would make me happy ♪
281
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,120
♪ And I'll never ♪
282
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,840
♪ No, I'll never let you go... ♪
283
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:10,280
Shit.
284
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:11,600
Shit.
285
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,400
Shit.
286
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:21,560
Oi!
287
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,040
♪ And if faith ♪
288
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:28,840
♪ If faith alone can move a mountain... ♪
289
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,200
Who are you?
290
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,200
Oh, my God.
291
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:40,040
Hey.
292
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,760
For fuck's sake.
293
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,520
♪ I do believe ♪
294
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:53,120
♪ I could win your love ♪
295
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,560
♪ And this would make me happy ♪
296
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:02,360
♪ And I know that you would be happy too ♪
297
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,920
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
298
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,560
♪ And this, this would make me happy ♪
21332
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