Original subtitles

[THREE KNOCKS]

[STATIC]

[STATIC CONTINUES]

[PHONE RINGING]

- [BEEPING SOUND] - [MAN] HI, MY NAME IS ABEL

AND I SAW A POST ON BLACKOUT'S FACEBOOK PAGE

THAT A DOCUMENTARY IS BEING MADE...

[MAN #2] ...IS BEING MADE ABOUT BLACKOUT

AND THAT THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THE FILMMAKERS.

[WOMAN] YEAH, THAT YOU GUYS ARE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE

TO INTERVIEW, SO I WAS INTERESTED IN SPEAKING WITH YOU GUYS.

[MAN #3] I DON'T KNOW WHAT

THE FILMMAKERS ARE LOOKING FOR,

BUT IF YOU THINK I MIGHT BE USEFUL--

[MAN #4] HAVEN'T BEEN TO BLACKOUT, BUT, UH,

IT SOUNDS INTRIGUING

AND I'D LOVE TO BE CONSIDERED.

THANKS, GUYS. TALK TO YOU SOON. BYE-BYE.

[MAN #5] SO, THIS WAS GOING TO BE AN OFFICE CALENDAR

MARKING SOME DEADLINES THAT I NEEDED TO MEET

BUT IT BECAME MY BLACKOUT CALENDAR,

WHICH IS, BASICALLY, A COUNTDOWN

TO BLACKOUT.

AND, OF COURSE, I HAVE IT IN THE CORNER OF MY OFFICE

AND PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME,

"WHAT ARE THE THREE DOTS FOR?"

I USED TO WAKE UP EARLY ON SATURDAY MORNINGS

AND THERE USED TO BE A TV STATION

OUT OF NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA, WE GOT THE SIGNAL FOR

AND THEY WOULD RUN MONSTER MOVIES

AT 9:00 AM.

VERY EARLY ON, THE THING THAT I WAS DRAWN TO

WAS THE DARK STUFF.

IT-- IT SPEAKS TO ME.

[KEYS JINGLING]

[METAL SCRAPING SURFACE]

A FRIEND OF A FRIEND, WE WERE TALKING AT LUNCH ONE DAY

AND HE SAID, "WELL, HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS THING

CALLED BLACKOUT?"

AND I HADN'T.

AND THEN AS SOON AS I DID A LITTLE RESEARCH ON IT

I-I HAD TO EXPERIENCE IT.

I KNEW THAT I HAD TO TRY THIS.

[MAN #6] THIS IS THE BLACKOUT WEB SITE THAT I SAW.

REALLY SCARY.

BUT AFTER LOOKING AT THE WEB SITE

I STARTED TO HAVE SOME SECOND THOUGHTS

ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD DO THIS.

THE PART THAT SCARED ME THE MOST

WAS WHEN IT SAID THAT I HAD TO SIGN

A RELEASE FORM PROMISING NOT TO SUE

IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG

OR, YOU KNOW, ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS TO ME.

AND I'M LIKE, "OH, MY GOD. AM I SIGNING MY LIFE AWAY

GOING TO THIS, UH, THIS PLACE?"

[MAN #7] EVER SINCE I FIRST SAW THE SIGN

THAT SAID "BLACKOUT"

AND IT SHOWED THIS WOMAN TERRIFIED

WITH THIS MASK ON

I THOUGHT-- MY MIND HAS BEEN REELING

AND I'VE BEEN THINKING

"WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY DO TO ME?"

[ABEL] BY TELLING YOU

THAT YOU HAVE TO SIGN A CONTRACT

THEN BY TELLING YOU

THAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT ALONE

AND GIVE NO OTHER INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN

ONCE YOU'RE INSIDE OF THERE,

THEY TOOK ME INTO FEAR.

YOU ARE RELEASING CONTROL

AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO PROTECT YOU.

THAT'S TERRIFYING.

AND I REMEMBER ME JUST

HOVERING OVER MY KEYBOARD.

TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF TO GO TO BLACKOUT.

AND MY THOUGHT WAS, "IF I DON'T DO IT,

I'LL ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IT WAS."

[WOMAN SIGHS]

OH, I AM SO FUCKING NERVOUS.

- [TURN SIGNAL CLICKING] - I PAID FOR THIS.

I'M NOT SCARED.

'CAUSE I DON'T LOOK SCARED.

I AM VERY, VERY NERVOUS.

I'M, LIKE, SHAKING. [CHUCKLES]

I SEE A CAMERA ON AND IT'S WATCHING ME.

IT'S TIME.

[THREE KNOCKS]

- [DOOR CLICKS] - OH!

[STATIC]

[MUFFLED YELLING]

[MAN #8] SO, IT'S APPROXIMATELY 11:50 PM

AND I AM WAITING ANXIOUSLY FOR

THAT MIDNIGHT E-MAIL TO COME.

[WOMAN #2] I JUST GOT AN E-MAIL FROM BLACKOUT.

THE E-MAIL IS...

SOMEONE THAT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE IN KIND OF,

LIKE, A WOODEN COFFIN

WITH A BAG OVER THEIR HEADS.

AND THERE'S, LIKE, SPIDER WEBS EVERYWHERE.

IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY CREEPY.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I WOULD DEAL WITH BEING

UNDRESSED WITH A BAG OVER MY HEAD.

I AM, MYSELF, A RECOVERING ADDICT.

I WAS ADDICTED TO INHALANTS.

WHEN I WAS USING INHALANTS I WOULD HALLUCINATE BUGS EVERYWHERE.

[HISSING, CHIRPING]

[MAN #6] IT IS GONNA BE NERVE-RACKING

THAT I WON'T KNOW WHERE EXACTLY I'M GOING

UNTIL THE NIGHT BEFORE I'M GOING.

THE FACT THAT THEY'RE KEEPING IT SECRET

IS ADDING TO MY DREAD

BECAUSE IT KINDA GIVES ME THE IMPRESSION

THAT MAYBE THESE PEOPLE HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE.

[STATIC]

WELL, I THOUGHT MY NERVOUSNESS

HAD TURNED INTO EXCITEMENT THIS MORNING

'CAUSE I AM EXCITED

'CAUSE BLACKOUT IS TONIGHT.

I-I'VE LITERALLY LEFT MY HOME THREE TIMES.

I FORGOT MY CAR-- I LEFT-- LOST MY CAR KEYS ONCE.

[VOICE FADES] I'VE FORGOTTEN THINGS TWICE...

[MAN #6] WHY ARE YOU GOING THROUGH WITH THIS?

I KNOW IT SOUNDS SILLY, BUT...

I-- UH, NO-- IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, WE ALL LIVE ONCE

AND I GUESS WE ALL WANT TO--

WE ALL WANT TO DO SOMETHING THAT'S A LITTLE

RISK-TAKING OR SCARY, YOU KNOW, ONCE IN A WHILE.

AND, I GUESS, MAYBE, YOU KNOW,

FOR MOST PART OF LIFE HAS BEEN PRETTY BORING

AND THAT'S WHY...

WE DO THIS.

THEY DID ASK WHAT WERE OUR PHYSICAL LIMITATIONS

AND I MENTIONED THAT I HAVE BAD KNEES

AND THAT I CAN SUFFOCATE EASILY

WHEN A PLASTIC BAG IS PUT OVER MY HEAD.

[THREE KNOCKS]

[STATIC]

[STATIC CONTINUES]

[OBJECT BANGING]

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

[EXHALES]

[SIGHS]

[RUSSELL] WALKING OUT OF A BUSINESS MEETING AT NIGHT

THREE GUYS JUMPED ME AND THEY STOLE MY WALLET.

AND, UH,

I ENDED UP WITH A BACK INJURY

AND I ENDED UP WITH A NECK INJURY

AND I ENDED UP WITH A BLACK EYE

OUT OF THE SITUATION.

SO, I HAVE BEEN THE VICTIM OF VIOLENT CRIME.

THERE WAS SOME RESIDUAL STUFF.

A WEEK AFTER THAT I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

JUST THAT WEIRD, EMOTIONAL--

THAT COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH MORE SERIOUS THAN IT WAS.

THAT COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH MORE VIOLENT

THAN IT WAS.

[SIGHING CONTINUES]

[THREE KNOCKS]

[SIGHS] "I, RUSSELL CORLAN EATON,

- [STATIC] - AM HERE OF MY OWN VOLITION.

- [GRUNTS] - I WANT THE PUBLIC TO KNOW

I AM PART OF BLACKOUT.

I AM PREPARED--

I AM PREPARED TO BE MARKED.

I AM READY TO BE BRANDED.

I GIVE MYSELF TO YOU."

[GROANS, EXHALES]

[MUFFLED GRUNT]

[WOMAN GROANING]

YES. [BREATHES DEEPLY]

- [EXHALES] - WHOA!

OH! LORD, HELP RUSSELL BREATHE.

HELP HIM BREATHE.

- [MUFFLED GROANS] - HE WANTS TO BREATHE.

OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AT ME.

THAT'S IT. THERE YOU GO. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

- [BREATHING HEAVILY] - GOOD, GOOD.

- [BLOWS] BREATHE. - [INHALES]

- BREATHE OUT. - [EXHALES]

- BREATHE IN. - [INHALES]

- BREATHE OUT. OH! - [EXHALES]

OH, YOU KNOW YOU CAN.

JUST BREATHE THROUGH MY HAND. YOU KNOW IT'S OKAY.

- [GRUNTS] - YOU CAN DO IT.

- WHOA. - [EXHALES]

- [GROANS] - OH, RUSSELL.

OH, HELP ME HELP YOU.

GOOD, GOOD.

[SPITS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[WOMAN YELLING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY] I DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST DID.

[PANTS]

- I'M ON THE STREETS WITH NO PANTS ON. - [STATIC]

AND I CAN'T STOP SHAKING.

HOW DO I CUT IT OFF?

[RUSSELL] MY EMOTIONS ARE...

THEY'RE IN A BIT OF A TURMOIL.

[ABEL] I JUST WENT THROUGH BLACKOUT

AND... I COME HOME...

AND SEE THAT THERE ARE...

THREE DOTS...

ON MY NECK FROM WHERE THEY--

[STATIC CONTINUES]

[PHONE RINGING]

- [PHONE BEEPS] - [MAN #9 SPEAKING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

[ABEL] I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS

BUT I THINK I SURPRISED MYSELF

INTO REALIZING HOW MUCH I LIKED IT.

AND I REMEMBER GETTING ON THE METRO

AND BEING SO HYPERAWARE

OF WHAT WAS GOING ON.

ANY TIME ANYONE MOVED,

ANY TIME SOMEONE GOT ONTO THE TRAIN OR GOT OFF THE TRAIN.

THE LINES OF THE REALITY

AND THE FICTION WERE BLURRING.

[MAN #10] IT'S A WEEK LATER. THE EXPERIENCE--

I MEAN, I'VE THOUGHT OF VERY LITTLE ELSE

SINCE I'VE GONE THROUGH IT.

IT LEFT A HUGE IMPRESSION ON ME.

I KINDA WANNA GO BACK

WHICH, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN TRAUMATIZED

AND I KINDA WANNA GO BACK TO MASTER IT,

TO DO IT AGAIN, TO SEE WHAT I COULD DO BETTER.

[RUSSELL] AFTER I WENT THROUGH BLACKOUT

I DID FIND THAT THERE WAS

A LEVEL OF ANXIETY SOMETIMES

AT NIGHT

AND I DID HAVE A FEW NIGHTMARES

WHERE FRAGMENTS OF THE EXPERIENCE

WOULD COME BACK.

IT'S ABOUT 4:00 AM IN THE MORNING.

AND I JUST WOKE FROM A VERY ODD DREAM

WHICH I KNOW IS BLACKOUT-ORIENTED

AND IT WAS COMPLETELY DISORIENTING.

[RUSSELL] THAT THREAT OF VIOLENCE

STAYED WITH ME FOR DAYS

AND IT REALLY TICKLED SOMETHING

IN THE DEEP RECESSES OF MY BRAIN.

LIKE, "OKAY, I'M PLAYING WITH FIRE,"

AND, SOMEHOW, IT FELT REWARDING.

I DID THINK ABOUT IT A LOT

AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS SUCH

A HEAVY EMOTIONAL RESPONSE

AND I WANTED TO GO BACK AND HAVE IT AGAIN.

[YELLS]

[RAPID YELLING]

- OH! - COME ON! COME ON!

- OKAY. - COME ON!

[GRUNTING, GROANING]

[MAN] THREE, TWO, ONE!

RUN, RUN!

RUN TO THE RIGHT! TO THE RIGHT!

RUN! RUN! RUN, GODDAMN IT!

RUN TO THE DOOR, YOU FUCKER!

- GO, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! GO. RUN! - WHAT?

- RUN. RUN. - [SCREAMS]

ON THE GROUND! ON YOUR BACK!

ON THE GROUND. ON YOUR BACK.

UNDER THIS STAIR, BUSTER. UNDER THIS FUCKING STAIR.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO US? YOU SAID, "I WANNA BE A PART OF THIS.

- THAT I WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW-- - YES.

...THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH BLACKOUT.

THAT BLACKOUT IS PART OF ME

- AND I'M A PART OF BLACKOUT." - [ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

- OH, GOD! - AND I'M PREPARED TO BE BRANDED!

- OH, GOD! - I'M PREPARED TO BE MARKED.

THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.

- EVERYBODY'S GONNA KNOW. - [SCREAMS]

I AM PART OF YOU AND YOU ARE PART OF US.

FOREVER. IT'S DONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED.

THEY TOOK THAT TO AN EXTREME

WHICH... I, ACTUALLY...

DON'T KNOW IF I WAS PREPARED FOR.

[SIGHS]

SO, I'VE HAD ABOUT, UH,

I THINK-- I THINK IT'S BEEN ABOUT

AN HOUR AND A HALF

TO, UM--

NO. YEAH. ABOUT THAT-- TO DECOMPRESS

AND CALM DOWN A BIT.

THEY ARE MASTERS AT GETTING UNDER YOUR SKIN

AND INTO YOUR HEAD

AND PLAYING WITH WHAT'S THERE.

YOU KNOW, AND, OH, BY THE WAY

[LAUGHS] IF I-- I THINK YOU CAN PROBABLY SEE

THAT I-- THERE ARE THREE DOTS ON MY HEAD.

THAT WAS THE GIFT FROM BLACKOUT.

THEY ARE A PERMANENT MARKER. [LAUGHS]

THANK YOU, BLACKOUT. THANK YOU.

[PHONE RINGING]

- [PHONE LINE BEEPS] - [JOSH SPEAKING]

[MAN #7] WHO ARE THE PEOPLE WHO CREATED BLACKOUT?

I THINK THE PEOPLE WHO CREATED BLACKOUT

HAVE GOT TO BE SICK FUCKS.

THEY MUST LOVE TO TORTURE PEOPLE

BUT THEY ALSO MUST LOVE

TO SEE HOW PEOPLE REACT TO CERTAIN SITUATIONS.

THIS IS AN EXPLORATION INTO FEAR,

AN EXPLORATION IN TERROR,

AN EXPLORATION INTO THE HUMAN PSYCHE.

SO I THINK THEY ARE TRYING TO DO SOMETHING

EXPLORATIONAL-- SOMETHING ALMOST SCIENTIFIC.

I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY INTENSE

ABOUT THIS CHAIR.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND THEN WHEN I GET READY FOR THE STRANGULATION

IT WAS SORT OF LIKE, "OKAY.

HERE WE GO."

[MAN #6] I WOULD DEFINITELY SAY THAT BLACKOUT

IS A FORM OF PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE.

THEY WANNA DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU

NOT FORGET ABOUT IT FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

THEY WANT YOU TO HAVE A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE.

SO, THEY HAVE TO BE AT LEAST

A LITTLE BIT SADISTIC IN ORDER TO DO THIS.

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE DONE FILMING.

IS THIS GONNA KEEP GOING?

- WE'RE DONE FOR THE DAY, GUYS. - WE'RE DONE.

WOMAN: SO, I JUST GOT ONE OF MY E-MAILS FROM BLACKOUT.

"UPON RECEIPT OF THIS E-MAIL FILL OUT

THE QUESTIONNAIRE BELOW AND SEND IT BACK TODAY.

"FULL NAME, CURRENT MAILING ADDRESS,

HEIGHT, WEIGHT, BLOOD TYPE.

WHAT RITUALS, MENTAL AND/OR PHYSICAL

DO YOU PERFORM ON A DAILY BASIS?

DO YOU EXHIBIT ANY SUPERSTITIOUS BEHAVIORS?

DO YOU HAVE OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS?"

- OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS? - I HAVE O.C.D.

I HAVE OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER.

I'VE BEEN DIAGNOSED OF HAVING

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER.

[RUSSELL] I DIVULGED TO BLACKOUT

THAT I DO HAVE ISSUES DEALING WITH FAILURE.

A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT MY POWER

AND CONTROL.

I GOT MATH, SCIENCE, READING.

[REPEATS] MATH, SCIENCE, READING.

AND, THEN, AS I WOULD FINISH A SUBJECT,

MATH IS GONE.

I'D GO SCIENCE, READING, SCIENCE, READING, SCIENCE, READING.

[WOMAN #2] WHAT I WANTED BLACKOUT TO KNOW ABOUT MY PAST

WAS, YOU KNOW, THE-- MY HISTORY OF TRAUMAS

AND PHYSICAL ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE,

HISTORY OF AN EATING DISORDER.

I HAD GONE THROUGH A VERY LONG STRETCH

OF NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND WORK.

I WAS EXTREMELY FEARFUL BECAUSE OF THAT.

BECAUSE I COULDN'T SEE AN END.

THE MOST DIFFICULT QUESTION ON THAT QUESTIONNAIRE

WAS, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

[VOICES ECHOING]

[FAINT CHATTER]

AND I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOVIE, "THE GAME"

IN WHICH MICHAEL DOUGLAS' WHOLE LIFE

IS TAKEN OVER

BY A CORPORATION

AS AN ELABORATE BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

BUT I WAS THINKING THAT, PERHAPS, YOU GUYS

AREN'T WHOM YOU SEEM TO BE.

I MEAN, I GREW UP

IN A FAIRLY CONSERVATIVE PLACE.

AND I WAS ALWAYS MUCH MORE INTERESTED

IN THEATER AND BOOKS

AND ART

THAN I WAS IN FOOTBALL

WHICH MEANT THAT I WAS GAY.

AND YOU ARE, IN FACT, PART OF BLACKOUT

AND I HAVE REVEALED ALL MY SECRETS TO BLACKOUT.

AS A LITTLE BOY,

WHEN YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW YOUR SEXUALITY

IT WAS...

DEVASTATING...

BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO BE LIKED

AND I JUST WANTED TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

[SYNCHRONIZED CLICKING]

MY GIRLFRIEND.

[WOMAN'S VOICE] WHO WERE YOU WITH LAST NIGHT? [MUMBLES]

- MY GIRLFRIEND. - WHO WERE YOU WITH LAST NIGHT?

- WHO WERE YOU WITH LAST NIGHT? - MY GIRLFRIEND.

WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?

[REPEATING] WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?

WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?

[SCREAMING]

EXPERIENCE THIS.

PUT IT INSIDE! PUT YOUR HAND INSIDE!

"I ACCEPT THIS AS THE TEMPLE OF MY WORSHIP."

SAY IT.

"I ACCEPT THIS AS THE TEMPLE OF MY WORSHIP."

SAY IT.

"I ACCEPT THIS AS THE TEMPLE OF MY WORSHIP."

- SAY IT. - [TOGETHER] "I ACCEPT THIS

AS THE TEMPLE OF MY WORSHIP."

"I ACCEPT THIS AS THE TEMPLE OF MY WORSHIP."

KEEP GOING, "I ACCEPT THIS

AS THE TEMPLE OF MY WORSHIP."

FUCKING SAY IT!

[TOGETHER] "I ACCEPT THIS AS THE TEMPLE

- OF MY WORSHIP." - AGAIN. HARDER.

LOUDER.

LOUDER. LOUDER! SCREAM IT!

[TOGETHER] "I ACCEPT THIS AS THE TEMPLE OF MY WORSHIP."

- "I ACCEPT THIS A THE TEMP--" - [SCREAMS]

[MAN] GO, GO, GO, GO.

- TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES AND PUT YOUR PANTS ON. - TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING SHOES!

- PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON. - RIGHT NOW!

TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES AND PUT ON YOUR PANTS.

TAKE 'EM OFF!

- TAKE 'EM OFF! - OKAY.

- PUT YOUR PANTS ON. - OKAY!

COME ON, LET'S GO, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!

PUT YOUR PANTS ON! FASTER! FASTER!

LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME!

[ABEL] I-- I'M DONE. I-I-I AM.

I'M-- THEY FUCK WITH YOU AND THEN

YOU'RE-- YOU'RE DONE.

I-I'M NOT-- I GET IT.

I GET IT.

THAT'S IT. I DID IT.

ALL RIGHT.

[RUSSELL] I-I THINK, DEEP DOWN, WHAT I WANT

IS I WANT SOMETHING INTENSE ENOUGH

THAT I WANT THEM TO PUSH ME TO THE POINT

WHERE I WANT OUT

BUT THAT I CHOOSE NOT TO.

I-- THAT ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE I WANNA OVERCOME SOMETHING.

[SIGHS] I LIKE DARK MATERIAL.

IT'S WHERE I GO FIND PLEASURE.

I FIND IT A HEALTHY THING FOR ME.

I DON'T THINK IT WOULD BE HEALTHY FOR EVERYONE

BUT I THINK IT'S HEALTHY FOR ME.

BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THERE'S DARK STUFF

IN MY PAST.

I KNOW THERE'S, YOU KNOW,

TRAUMAS THAT I HAVE LIVED THROUGH EMOTIONALLY.

[RUSSELL BREATHING HEAVILY]

[EXHALES]

THE DARK STUFF, FOR ME?

UM...

THERE WAS SOME DARK--

I KEEP GOING TO THE WORD DARK--

UH...

THERE'S BEEN SOME UNPLEASANT TIMES

WHEN I WAS A CHILD AS-- GROWING UP.

I GREW UP IN THE SHADOW

OF A REALLY REBELLIOUS SIBLING

AND THE WAY THAT I...

DECIDED TO REACT TO THAT

IS I WAS GONNA BE THE GOOD KID.

I WAS ALWAYS THE GOOD STUDENT.

I WAS ALWAYS THE ONE WHO BROUGHT HOME THE "A'S."

I WAS ALWAYS THE-- AND THAT WAS MY WAY OF TRYING TO KEEP PEACE.

SO, I'M SENSITIVE TO RULES, ACTUALLY.

I ALWAYS WANNA FOLLOW THE RULES.

IT'S BUILT INTO ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO ON FROM THERE.

- [MAN] GET UP! GET UP! - [RUSSELL SCREAMS]

GET UP!

STAND BEHIND THE LIGHT BULB

AND FACE ME!

[MAN #2] TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS. LEAVE 'EM ON THE FLOOR.

FASTER!

DON'T MAKE ME WAIT FOR YOU!

LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! MOVE IT!

FACE ME.

- [GRUNTS] - [SCREAMS]

- NO! [GRUNTS] - [DOOR OPENS]

[MAN] WALK. WALK.

GET IN!

TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES NOW. RIGHT NOW!

- CLOTHES OFF NOW! - [GRUNTING]

ALL OF IT! GO! YOU GOTTA GO FASTER.

YOU ARE FUCKING UP. GO! GO! ALL OF IT. NOW!

- ALL OF IT, GODDAMN IT! ALL OF IT! - [SCREAMING CONTINUES]

AND IT WAS...

IT WAS, UM...

THERE WAS A MOMENT WHERE

I RECOGNIZED THE VOICE

AND THE VOICE JUST SAID, "BREATHE."

BECAUSE THEY KNEW HOW VULNERABLE I WAS FEELING.

THAT WAS WHEN I REALIZED THAT THERE WAS EXPLORATION

THAT COULD BE DONE AND THAT WAS A WAY I COULD LEARN ABOUT MYSELF.

AT THAT MOMENT, I FEEL

THAT I BECAME PART OF BLACKOUT

AND BLACKOUT BECAME PART OF ME.

- [WOMAN] YOU CAN EAT SWEETS. - [GIRL] I KNOW.

I LIKE... [MUMBLES].

- THAT'S WHAT MOMMA WANTS. - YOU LIKE THE MOVIE?

I KINDA GOT A LITTLE BORED HALFWAY THROUGH.

- LITTLE BIT. - I DIDN'T.

- YEAH. LEXI LOVED IT. - YEAH.

[MAN #11] MY WIFE IS A THERAPIST

AND SHE IS A THERAPIST THAT DEALS WITH ADDICTION.

STEPHANIE, AS AN ADDICTION THERAPIST

SEES A POTENTIAL PROBLEM WITH ME AND BLACKOUT.

AND STEPHANIE WOULD SAY, "YOU CAN DRINK ALCOHOL, FINE.

YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH PEOPLE, FINE.

AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T HAVE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES.

AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T ESCALATE."

SHE SEES MY FASCINATION

WITH BLACKOUT AS ESCALATING.

- [WOMAN] "I, BOB... - [BOB] "I, BOB..."

[WOMAN] "...AM HERE OF MY OWN VOLITION."

"I, BOB, AM HERE OF MY OWN VOLITION."

- LOUDER. - [BOB] "I, BOB, AM HERE OF MY OWN VOLITION."

"I WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS EXPERIENCE.

"I WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS EXPERIENCE.

"AND TO HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE BECOME A PART OF ME."

"AND TO HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE BECOME A PART OF ME."

[BOB] WHEN I TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT IT,

I GET THIS EXCITEMENT IN MY VOICE

AND IN MY EYES AND SHE HATES THAT.

"IS THIS A FETISH? WHAT IS THIS?

WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THIS?"

SHE'S CONCERNED

THAT IT'S BECOMING AN ADDICTION.

[WOMAN] "I GIVE MYSELF TO YOU."

- [BOB] "I GIVE MYSELF TO YOU." - "I GIVE MYSELF TO YOU."

[BOTH REPEATING] "I GIVE MYSELF TO YOU."

[PHONE RINGING]

- [SIGHS] - [PHONE LINE BEEPS]

[JOSH] HEY, IT'S JOSH AGAIN.

SO, KRIS AND I JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN.

[RUSSELL] SO, I DROVE HOME THIS MORNING

AS QUICKLY AS I COULD TO WALK IN AND FIND THIS.

WHICH IS MY INVITE, APPARENTLY

TO THE 2014 OFFSEASON FOR BLACKOUT.

I-I DON'T KNOW IF I'M COHERENT ENOUGH

TO DO THIS, BUT...

MY ADVENTURE WITH BLACKOUT CONTINUES,

I GUESS.

I JUST GOTTA FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET TO NEW YORK NOW.

UM...

YEAH, THIS IS, THIS IS, THIS IS

WHAT THIS HAS BEEN GROWING TOWARD

IS-IS JUST AN ONGOING...

CHALLENGING... [SIGHS]

I WANTED TO EXPERIENCE A NEW YORK BLACKOUT

BECAUSE I KEPT GETTING THE SENSE

THAT NEW YORK WAS A MORE INTENSE EXPERIENCE

I'M ALSO ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT TESTS ME

AND IF THEY ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING

THAT REALLY TESTS ME.

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE

DENYING THAT THERE'S DARKNESS.

I HAVEN'T YET FOUND

THE DOOR THAT DISTURBS ME THE MOST

AND IF I DO SOMEDAY, I MAY REGRET IT.

I KNOW THAT.

[DRILL WHIRRING]

SHOULD WE CHANGE IT FOR RUSSELL?

YES, I THINK WE HAVE TO CHANGE IT FOR HIM.

HOW?

I THINK THE PEOPLE LOOKING AT HIM

IS GOING TO BE HORRIFYINGLY CREEPY.

THE FACT IS, EVERYBODY'S WATCHING HIM.

HE'S FAILED EVERYBODY. NOT JUST US.

THAT'S AS PERSONAL AS YOU CAN GET FOR HIM.

AS I SAY IT, IT FEELS ALMOST TOO MEAN.

[STAPLING]

[RUSSELL] SO, THAT NIGHT,

I STARTED NOTICING

SOME PEOPLE FROM NEW YORK

SORT OF CREEPING AROUND MY FACEBOOK PAGE.

AND WHAT I REALIZED IS THESE WERE ALL PEOPLE

WHO FORMED A BIT OF A MYSTERIOUS GROUP

THAT SEEMS TO BE BY INVITATION ONLY

CALLED THE SURVIVORS.

[SCRATCHING ON PAPER]

[WOMAN] THERE IS, ACTUALLY, A VERY SECRET

BLACKOUT SURVIVORS GROUP THAT EXISTS

THAT ONLY ABOUT TWO DOZEN PEOPLE

ARE A PART OF.

AND THEY ARE-- WE ARE

VERY SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO WE LET IN.

MY NAME IS JOHN AND I AM A SURVIVOR.

I WOULD SAY BLACKOUT IS TESTING ME

TO SEE WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF.

IT'S KIND OF SHOWN ME THAT

I DON'T HAVE TO BE SO TIMID,

SO VERY CLOSED OFF.

I CAN BE MORE OPEN TO LETTING THE UNKNOWN HAPPEN.

BLACKOUT HAS THE ABILITY TO CHANGE YOU

IF YOU'RE WILLING TO LET IT.

I HIGHLY BELIEVE THAT BLACKOUT HAS ACTUALLY TRANSFORMED ME.

THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT ALWAYS WANTS

THEM TO ALMOST GO INSIDE MY BRAIN

AND HAVE THEM PUSH TO THOSE LIMITS

LIKE, AND GO PAST THEM.

[MAN] TO BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE BLACKOUT

YOU HAVE TO HAVE A DEEPER KNOWLEDGE

OF YOURSELF

OR IF YOU DON'T HAVE THAT DEEPER KNOWLEDGE

OF YOURSELF, TO GO THROUGH BLACKOUT

WILL ALLOW YOU TO GAIN THAT DEEPER KNOWLEDGE.

SO, I'M ONLY A COUPLE MINUTES AWAY FROM MEETING

THE NEW YORK PEOPLE.

SO, I'M JUST WALKING AROUND A PARK

WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME.

IT SEEMS A LITTLE ODD THAT I WAS GIVEN

AN ADDRESS AND A TIME AND TOLD TO SHOW UP--

VERY, VERY BLACKOUT.

I WAS REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE I HAD GONE FOUR TIMES

AND NOBODY ELSE,

NONE OF MY FRIENDS WHO WENT ONCE

HAD THE REACTION I DID, SO I WAS DOUBTING MYSELF.

LIKE, WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME? WHY AM I WEIRD?

YOU HAVE THESE CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE

AND THE JUDGMENT BECOMES AGAINST YOU.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE YOU KNOW THE OLD TOD BROWNING'S "FREAKS" REFERENCE,

"ONE OF US."

THAT'S-- THAT'S WHAT I WAS HOPING TO FIND.

- AH! - [WOMAN] HI!

- [LAUGHS] - HE BRINGS GIFTS.

YES, I DO. I DO, ACTUALLY. WOW.

- AS LONG AS IT'S GOODIES. - YOU PEOPLE, IN PERSON.

- UH, UM-- - HELLO, INTERNET STRANGER.

- [SIGHS] - HI. HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M FINE. NATALIA, RIGHT? - YES.

- GLADYS. - YUP.

[SIGHS] NICE TO MEET YOU.

UM-- [LAUGHS]

I HAVE A TRADITION.

I HAVE FRIENDS THAT I TRY TO MEET

IN NEW YORK ABOUT EVERY YEAR

OR EVERY YEAR AND A HALF OR SO,

IT'S LIKE, LIFELONG FRIENDS,

25-YEAR-OLD RELATIONSHIPS AND THINGS LIKE THAT.

WE HAVE A TRADITION IN NEW YORK

AND IT'S WHENEVER WE'RE IN NEW YORK AT THE SAME TIME

WE HAVE TO SHARE CHAMPAGNE TRUFFLES.

- OH-HO! COOL. - THAT'S AN AWESOME THING TO SHARE.

[ALL LAUGH]

I, LITERALLY, I JUST FOUND MYSELF

OUT OF HABIT BECAUSE I THOUGHT

I WAS MAKING FRIENDS IN NEW YORK.

- HERE ARE CHAMPAGNE TRUFFLES. - I CAN TOTALLY GET DOWN

- WITH THIS TRADITION. - [LAUGHTER]

- TO CHAMPAGNE TRUFFLES. - CHAMPAGNE TRUFFLES.

TO BLACKOUT. TO YOU GUYS.

- YEAH! - TO FRIENDS.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[STATIC]

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

[MUFFLED SPEAKING] I, RUSSELL, AM HERE OF MY OWN VOLITION.

I AM PREPARED TO BE MARKED.

I AM READY TO BE BRANDED. [SCREAMS]

I GIVE MYSELF TO YOU.

- [WOMAN] SCREAM IT! - I GIVE MYSELF TO YOU!

[CRYING]

WHY DO YOU MAKE ME DO THAT, RUSSELL?

- [GROANS] - WHY DO YOU MAKE ME DO THAT?

- NO. - [CRYING CONTINUES]

WRITE ON ME, RUSSELL.

MARK ME. MARK ME!

- [ELECTRICAL BUZZING] - [GASPS]

MARK ME!

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE GONNA FUCKIN' DO IT! SHUT UP!

- [SOBBING] - DO WHAT I SAY. NOW, FUCKING DO IT.

PICK UP THE GUN. PICK UP THE GUN!

- SHUT UP! SHUT UP! - [SOBBING CONTINUES]

- SHUT UP! - [BUZZING CONTINUES]

- [GUN CLICKING] - PULL THE TRIGGER.

POINT IT AT HER FOREHEAD AND PULL THE TRIGGER.

COME ON, RUSSELL. PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER.

STOP FUCKING UP!

POINT IT AT HER HEAD AND PULL THE TRIGGER.

DO WHAT I SAY. NOW, FUCKING DO IT.

- DO IT! - NO!

STOP FUCKING UP. FUCKING PULL THE TRIGGER.

DO IT NOW, RUSSELL. DON'T FUCKING LET US DOWN.

JUST FUCKING PULL THE TRIGGER!

[SCREAMS, CRIES]

[SOBBING]

- [DOOR CLOSES] - [GROANS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[BREATHING CONTINUES]

[EXHALES]

[ABEL] YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK TO THE FIRST TIME

WHEN I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO.

WHEN I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME

ONCE I CROSSED INTO THEIR WORLD.

BUT AFTER I STARTED GOING A FEW TIMES

IT FELT LIKE...

S&M AND IT FELT LIKE ABUSE.

I WAS SLAPPED ACROSS THE FACE

GROSS SHIT SHOVED INTO MY MOUTH

AND HELD MY THROAT BACK

SO I WAS BEING PUT IN SITUATIONS WHERE I WAS CHOKING.

THIS ISN'T A HAUNT, THIS IS ABUSE

AND I THINK THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE

SOME FANS OF BLACKOUT WHO ARE HERE...

BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANNA WALK AWAY FROM IT

'CAUSE THEY WANNA BE HURT A LITTLE BIT.

[RUSSELL] I'M BACK IN LOS ANGELES.

IT'S BEEN A FEW DAYS NOW.

I MUST SAY, THAT THAT ENDING WHERE YOU'RE-- YOU'RE

ASKED TO BE WITNESS TO

AND A PARTICIPANT IN VIOLENCE

WAS VERY, VERY...

[SIGHS]

DEEPLY UGLY IN MANY WAYS.

ENCOURAGING ME TO TAKE SOMEONE'S LIFE.

[SCREAMS]

MAKES ME REALLY...

[SIGHS] SAD.

AND I WALKED OUT...

IN A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE MENTAL STATE.

SO, THAT-- THAT LED TO MISTRUST

WITH BLACKOUT.

BECAUSE TRUST IS THE ONE THING

I HAD NEVER QUESTIONED WITH BLACKOUT

AND THEY HAD PUT ME IN A POSITION

WHERE I NOW DOUBTED THEM AND QUESTIONED THEIR TRUST.

[BOB] I FELT VERY PARANOID BECAUSE

I DID FIND A WORD-- THE WORD ABANDON IN MY PHONE

WHICH MADE ME THINK, "HUH.

HOW DID THAT GET IN MY PHONE?"

DID BLACKOUT PUT IT THERE? DID MY WIFE PUT IT THERE?

[WOMAN #2] I WAS CONVINCED THEY WERE BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE.

I LOOK AROUND MY HOUSE, AND, I SWEAR,

I HAD NOT SEEN IT THE DAY BEFORE.

AND, YOU KNOW, I REALIZED

I WAS PROBABLY JUST BEING PARANOID.

[BOB] AND I STARTED WONDERING

IF PEOPLE WERE LOOKING AT MY E-MAILS

IF PEOPLE WERE LISTENING TO MY CONVERSATIONS.

IF PEOPLE WERE WATCHING ME.

[MUFFLED YELLING]

[JOHN] WE ARE SEEING IF WE COULD BRANCH OUT

AND MAKE AN L.A. SURVIVOR'S GROUP,

AND I THINK THEY'RE WANTING

TO HAVE RUSSELL SPEARHEAD THAT.

[WOMAN] THIS LITERALLY CAME FROM BLACKOUT.

THEY THINK RUSSELL WOULD BE A GOOD PERSON

TO HEAD AN L.A. VERSION OF THE CLUB.

BLACKOUT SUGGESTING RUSSELL TO LEAD THE L.A. GROUP

WAS LITERALLY FROM THE MOUTH OF GOD.

THE RULES COME FROM THEM.

THEY'RE OUR TEACHER,

THE NUN THAT YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE RULES,

AND SO, JUST, I'M SURE IT CAN SEEM LIKE WE'RE A CULT

BUT BLACKOUT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR GROUP.

IT'S NOT CONTROLLED BY THEM OR RUN BY THEM IN ANY WAY,

BUT WE DO TAKE THEIR SUGGESTIONS AND FEEDBACK

REALLY STRONGLY

AND SO, IF THEY SAY SOMETHING, WE LISTEN.

- WHAT'S UP, MAN? - HEY! HOW ARE YOU, MAN? COME HERE.

- HEY! - HEY! HOW ARE YOU?

- GREAT! HOW ARE YOU? - COME ON IN. NICE TO SEE YOU.

SO, I'M IN THERE STANDING AND IT'S PITCH BLACK

AND I'M THINKING, "OH, MY GOD, HE JUST LEFT ME

IN THIS ABANDONED PART OF THIS BUILDING."

I'M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE

I THINK THAT'S ONE OF MY FEARS

IS BEING ALONE IN SOME PLACE THAT'S ABANDONED.

AND-- HE JUST GOT RIGHT ON MY FEAR.

FOR SOME REASON, I WAS JUST, LIKE, SUPER EMOTIONAL.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

IT JUST, LIKE, I WAS SITTING ON THE BENCH

AND I WAS, LIKE, "I THINK I'M GONNA START CRYING."

YUP.

- HELLO. - HOW'S IT GOING, MAN?

- HI. HOW'S IT GOING? - GOOD TO SEE YA.

- HI, HOW ARE YOU, GUYS? - GOOD TO SEE YOU.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

[BOB] THE BLACKOUT SURVIVORS GROUP

IS A SECRET GROUP.

WE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH BLACKOUT

AND WHO LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT AND THINK ABOUT IT.

AND WHEN I'M WITH THE SURVIVOR'S GROUP

I FEEL UNDERSTOOD.

HOW DOES THIS AFFECT YOU GUYS?

I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT IT-IT'S

BEEN THIS ALMOST TRANSFORMATIONAL THING FOR ME

AND I GET THE IMPRESSION, TO SOME DEGREE,

THAT YOU'VE HAD SOME OF THAT.

- OH, YEAH. - THE THING THAT AFFECTED ME SO STRONGLY

WAS THE RELATIONSHIP

THAT WE HAD WITH THE WOMAN, OKAY?

- YEAH! - SHE TOLD ME TO STAND IN THE CORNER

AND THEN SHE STARTED TO DISROBE,

SHE TOOK HER TOP OFF

AND THEN SHE GOT COMPLETELY NAKED.

SHE STARTS CRYING AND SHE GOES

- "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" - "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?"

I DON'T WANNA DO THIS. I DON'T WANNA DO THIS."

AND THEN I FELT LIKE SHIT.

AND THEN, I MOVED FROM THE VICTIM

TO THE PREDATOR.

[RUSSELL] THEY STARTED EARLY ON ME.

THEY GRABBED ME THROUGH THE DOOR EARLY

'CAUSE I WAS THERE A SECOND TOO EARLY

AND THEY TREATED IT LIKE I WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

- RIGHT. - AND THEY WERE YELLING-- AND SO I WAS IN THIS

HEADSPACE OF, "OH, MY GOSH. I'VE OFFENDED THEM.

I'VE DISAPPOINTED THEM."

WHICH YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

WHAT YOU WALK AWAY FROM BLACKOUT WITH.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S A HUGE THING FOR ME

FROM MY CHILDHOOD

IS DISAPPOINTING SOMEONE THAT I LOVE AND RESPECT.

AND I GOTTA ADMIT, I LOVE AND RESPECT BLACKOUT

[VOICE FADING] FOR WHAT THEY ARE DOING.

YOU'RE LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

AND WHAT IT HAS CHANGED.

- [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] - SO--

YEAH, I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO THROUGH

UNLESS I COMPLETELY STRIPPED.

AND THEN THEY SAID, "NOW, REMOVE ALL

OF YOUR CLOTHES."

AND I HAD TO STOP FOR A SECOND

BECAUSE OF WHERE MY HEAD WAS

BECAUSE WHAT I WANTED TO SAY WAS, "WHY?"

MY FIRST THING WAS, "OKAY,

ARE THEY TRYING TO PUNISH ME

FOR BEING A HAIR EARLY AND DOING WHAT I WAS--"

YOU KNOW, LIKE, "ARE THEY PUNISHING ME?"

IT WAS "ARE THEY TRYING TO HUMILIATE ME?"

AND THEN I WENT, "THIS IS ABOUT VULNERABILITY.

THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT."

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

I CAN'T...

STOP THINKING ABOUT IF

THE DOCUMENTARY CREW WAS PART OF IT.

WHAT IF THE FILMMAKERS ARE MESSING WITH ME?

WHAT IF THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN MESSING WITH ME?

THEY'VE ENLISTED MY WIFE, THEY'VE ENLISTED MY FRIENDS.

SO, THEY'VE HIRED A DOCUMENTARY CREW

TO FILM PEOPLE'S DEEPEST AND DARKEST SECRETS

AND THEN THEY WOULD USE THOSE AGAINST THEM.

[STATIC]

AND IF THE DOCUMENTARY IS NOT MY FRIEND

BUT, ALSO, IF THERE'S SOME KIND OF

[VOICE FADING] DEVIOUS PURPOSE BEHIND THE DOCUMENTARY.

[FADING CHATTER]

[PHONE RINGING]

[PHONE LINE BEEPS]

[JOSH]

[THREE KNOCKS]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CREAKING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[GRUNTING]

[WRAPPING SOUNDS]

[GRUNTING CONTINUES]

I WANNA KNOW WHO YOU CARE ABOUT.

- I CARE ABOUT MY WIFE-- - WRONG ANSWER!

[GAGS, GRUNTS]

[GROANING, PANTING]

AGAIN!

- [GROANING CONTINUES] - WHO DO YOU CARE ABOUT?

- MY DAUGHTER. - WRONG ANSWER!

[GASPING] PLEASE STOP!

OH! STOP!

[WATER RUNNING]

[RUSSELL] YOU GET THE MESSAGE THAT BLACKOUT

WAS TO TAKE PLACE IN YOUR OWN HOME.

AND THAT THEY WILL COME TO YOU,

INTO YOUR SPACE.

I THINK THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT WAS A RUSH OF ABSOLUTE FEAR

BECAUSE I DIDN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE

INVITING THEM INTO MY HOME.

I KNOW THAT THIS IS GONNA GET

EXTREMELY INTENSE.

I KNOW THAT THIS IS GONNA BE...

EXTREMELY PERSONAL AND INTIMATE.

I'VE REACHED A POINT WHERE I ACTUALLY

DON'T WANT THEM IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.

I'VE REACHED THAT POINT.

THAT WAS A MOMENT

THAT WAS ACTUALLY DANGEROUS FOR ME.

GOD...

BREATHE.

BREATHE.

[THREE KNOCKS]

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

OH!

[GASPS] FU-- FU-- FU--!

HEY!

OH! NO, NO!

[SCREAMS] NO!

- RUSSELL. - MM.

- LISTEN TO ME. - [GASPING CONTINUES]

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?

- YOUR RESPECT. - [SLAPPING FACE]

WRONG ANSWER!

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

OH, GOD!

I WANT YOUR LOVE!

WRONG ANSWER!

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM YOU.

RIGHT FUCKIN' ANSWER!

- HANDS DOWN! - I DON'T KNOW!

I DON'T WANNA-- I DON'T--

THERE. GET UP!

I DON'T KNOW! OH!

GET UP.

- GET UP! - I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM YOU.

- GET UP. - I DON'T KNOW!

[PANTING]

GET ON YOUR KNEES. GET ON YOUR KNEES.

- GET ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES! - YES.

LOOK UP. DOWN. LOOK UP!

- LOOK UP! - [SCREAMS]

HE TOOK SOMETHING FROM YOUR KITCHEN.

- IS THAT ALL RIGHT? - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

MY STOMACH IS TOTALLY UPSET.

I CAN'T KEEP ANYTHING DOWN, BUT I NEED SOMETHING.

I'VE BEEN HAVING A LOT OF NIGHTMARES.

EVERY FUCKING NIGHT NOW.

I KEEP THINKING WHAT WOULD'VE HAPPENED

IF I'D NEVER ANSWERED THE DOOR

WHEN THEY KNOCKED THREE TIMES.

I THINK ABOUT THAT A LOT.

I WAS IN BED

AND I WAS ASLEEP AND I SHOULD'VE BEEN UP.

THE WARNINGS WERE THERE AND I SHOULD'VE RAN AWAY,

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

BUT WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE, BOB, HUH?

- WHAT DID YOU DO? - IT WASN'T--

WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DID YOU DO?

- WHAT DID YOU DO? - I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

SHUT UP!

THE THING THAT YOU FORGET

IS THAT I SECRETLY FUCKING ENJOY THIS.

DOWN! IF YOU ARE SMART AT ALL

YOU'D LET US FUCKING LEAVE.

- NO. - SHUT UP!

AND THEN YOU'D GO BACK TO YOUR STUPID FUCKING LIFE.

YOU MIGHT BE HAPPY.

YOU MIGHT BE CONTENT FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME

BUT IT'S NOT GONNA MATTER-- NONE OF IT MATTERS.

[GASPS, GROANS]

BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA TURN, BOB,

AND YOU'RE GONNA FOCUS ON THE DARKNESS.

FROM THE MOMENT THAT YOU WAKE UP

TILL THE MOMENT THAT YOU FUCKING FALL ASLEEP

- THERE IS NOTHING ELSE. - [GROANING CONTINUES]

LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME!

IT IS WHAT YOU ARE. IT IS WHAT WE ALL ARE.

LOOK AT ME!

THAT IS WHEN YOUR REAL FUCKING NIGHTMARES WILL START.

[GASPING CONTINUES]

- DOWN! - [GROANS]

- ALL THE WAY DOWN! - [GROANING CONTINUES]

I, ROBERT EDWARD GLOUBERMAN, AM HERE OF MY OWN VOLITION.

OH, FUCK. FUCK, FUCK!

- OH, FUCK! - GO! GET IN. ON THE FUCKING BED!

[SCREAMING, GROANING]

ALL RIGHT, RUSSELL. LOOK AT ME.

LOOK IN THE EYES.

I WANT YOU TO REPEAT AFTER ME.

I WANT YOU TO TAKE AN OATH.

I, RUSSELL CORLAN EATON.

I, RUSSELL CORLAN EATON.

AM HERE OF MY OWN VOLITION.

AM HERE OF MY OWN VOLITION

I WANT THIS EXPERIENCE TO BECOME A PART OF ME.

I WANT THIS EXPERIENCE TO BECOME A PART OF ME.

- I WANT THE PUBLIC TO KNOW I AM PART OF BLACKOUT. - I WANT THE PUBLIC TO KNOW

THAT I AM PART OF BLACKOUT.

- I AM PREPARED... - I AM PREPARED...

TO STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK.

TO STOP CARING--

[SOFTLY] TO STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK.

I AM READY TO ACCEPT MY FAILURE.

SAY IT!

I AM READY TO ACCEPT MY FAILURE.

I AM READY TO ACCEPT MY FAILURES.

I WILL NOT BE A COWARD.

I WILL NOT BE A COWARD.

TOMORROW, I BREAK MY ROUTINE.

TOMORROW, I BREAK MY ROUTINE.

TOMORROW, I WILL NOT NEED THIS.

TOM--

TOMORROW, I WILL NOT NEED THIS.

TOMORROW, I WILL NOT NEED BLACKOUT.

TOMORROW, I WILL NOT NEED BLACKOUT.

THIS IS THE LAST TIME I ATTEND BLACKOUT.

SAY IT!

SAY IT

OR WE WALK.

- UH-- - THIS IS THE LAST TIME

I ATTEND BLACKOUT.

- WHAT ARE YOU ASKING OF ME? - SAY IT

OR WE WALK.

THIS IS THE LAST TIME I ATTEND BLACKOUT.

SWEAR IT!

- I'M NOT READY. - SWEAR IT

RIGHT NOW.

I SWEAR IT.

[WHISPERS] DON'T FUCKING MOVE.

[RUSSELL] "I AM PREPARED TO STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK."

WHICH, THEY KNOW THAT I CARE WHAT THEY THINK OF ME.

"I'M READY TO ACCEPT FAILURE."

WHICH HAS BEEN AN ISSUE WHICH ALSO THEY HAVE-- THEY KNOW

IS A TRIGGER POINT FOR ME.

"I'M PREPARED TO STOP WANTING SOMETHING I CANNOT HAVE.

I'M READY TO ACCEPT THINGS AS THEY ARE."

"I'M READY TO BE DIRTY. I WILL NOT BE OBSESSED."

WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE-- THEY'RE

TRYING TO GET ME TO STOP BEING O.C.D.

"THIS IS MY LAST TIME GOING THROUGH BLACKOUT."

PERHAPS THEY FEEL I'VE GRADUATED.

[BOB] I'M BUMMED THAT I CAN'T GO THROUGH BLACKOUT AGAIN!

I MEAN, IS THAT REAL? CAN I NOT GO THROUGH BLACKOUT AGAIN?

IS THAT--

IS THAT FUCKED UP?

IS THAT FUCKED UP THAT THE MOST I--

THAT THE THING THAT I'M MOST WORRIED ABOUT

IS THAT I'M NEVER GONNA HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE AGAIN,

- THAT THAT'S IT? - I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS REALITY,

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS SOME SORT OF MINDFUCK.

I-I FEEL AS THOUGH I UNDERSTAND

THE FIRST PART OF THE NOTE

AND IF THOSE WERE THEIR INTENTIONS

THEN I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE CLEAR

BUT, THEN, AT THE SAME TIME, I FEEL LIKE THE NOTE

ENDS IN REJECTION.

LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG.

I-I--

I WENT TOO MANY TIMES.

I LIKED IT SO MUCH, THAT I WENT TOO MANY TIMES.

THAT THEY THOUGHT IT WAS A CRUTCH.

IT FEELS LIKE THEY WERE TRYING TO TEACH ME SOMETHING.

IT FEELS LIKE THEY WERE TRYING TO TEACH ME

THAT THEY DID--

THAT I DIDN'T NEED THEM ANYMORE.

THE FACT THAT THEY WOULD DO THAT

DURING A SHOW PISSES ME OFF.

BECAUSE IT'S SO COWARDLY NOT TO GET THE RESPONSE

FROM THE PERSON YOU'RE DELIVERING

THAT KIND OF ULTIMATUM TO.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL.

[MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[JOSH] WE WERE NERVOUS ABOUT DOING THE DOCUMENTARY

IN THE BEGINNING.

I THINK WE WERE INITIALLY HESITANT

TO SIT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW

BECAUSE THE EXPERIENCE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

OKAY.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[JOSH] BUT AFTER DOING THIS FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS

WE WANTED TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT

ON A COUPLE OF THINGS.

I THINK BLACKOUT IS A VERY DIVISIVE PROJECT

AND A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE MANY DIFFERENT FEELINGS TOWARDS IT.

A LOT OF IT NEGATIVE,

AND THAT'S FINE.

YOU KNOW, WHEN IT STARTED IT WAS VERY CLEARLY

DESIGNED TO BE

CONTROVERSIAL, AND IF THOSE PEOPLE ARE LIKE,

"YOU KNOW, THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY

AND I WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS

PAY ANYONE TO DO THAT,"

WELL, THEN, THEY SHOULDN'T

AND JUST CHANGE THE CHANNEL AND MOVE ON.

THE ORIGINAL INSPIRATION FOR BLACKOUT

AND FOR A LOT OF JOSH AND I'S EARLY COLLABORATIONS

WAS TO TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING THAT'S "INDISMISSIBLE"

THAT YOU WALK OUT OF AND YOU CANNOT SHAKE

AND STAYS WITH YOU FOR A LONG TIME.

IT IS ALWAYS MORE EFFECTIVE

TO ALLOW SOMEONE TO PROJECT

THEIR OWN FEARS AND THEIR OWN STORIES

ONTO A CANVAS AND ALLOW THEM TO LIVE THAT

AND SORT OF BE THE PERSON WHO CREATES

THE FRAME FOR THEIR OWN FEARS

AND I THINK SORT OF EXACTLY IN THESE MOMENTS

WHERE YOU'RE PUSHING YOURSELF TO YOUR LIMITS

WHERE YOU LEARN CERTAIN TRUTHS ABOUT YOURSELVES

AND THAT DEEP EXPERIENCE BEYOND

WHAT WE WOULD'VE IMAGINED PEOPLE

WOULD'VE HAD IN IT WHEN WE STARTED OUT.

PEOPLE TEND TO BE BRAVE

AND WHEN YOU DECIDE TO OPEN A DOOR

TO SOME FORM OF ART

IN WHATEVER, YOU KNOW, THAT IS,

YOU'RE SORT OF OPENING A DOOR TO A WORLD

THAT YOU HAVEN'T EXPERIENCED BEFORE

AND YOU EITHER TAKE THAT WORLD IN

AND YOU LEARN FROM IT OR YOU DON'T.

AND THE PEOPLE THE RESPOND TO BLACKOUT

IN A REALLY POSITIVE WAY

TEND TO BE THE PEOPLE THAT CAN BE BRAVE ENOUGH

TO WALK INTO IT AND SAY, "I'M WILLING

TO CONFRONT THIS AND FACE THIS.

AND, HOPEFULLY, LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT."

[RUSSELL] AFTER THE LAST BLACKOUT I WALKED AWAY

CONFUSED AND HURT

BUT...

AFTER SOME TIME, AFTER THE ANGER SUBSIDED,

I STARTED LOOKING AT THE OTHER STATEMENTS

OTHER THAN, "THIS IS MY LAST TIME

THROUGH BLACKOUT."

THERE'S A PHRASE THEY'VE SAID TO ME

IN MULTIPLE SHOWS, THAT AS SOON AS IT'S SAID,

IT AFFECTS ME.

BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I WANNA SAY

WHAT THE PHRASE IS.

BUT, I WILL SAY THIS...

THE REASON THAT THAT SCENE EXISTED

IN MY BEDROOM, IN MY HOME,

IS THAT PHRASE.

AND THE PHRASE...

"YOU ARE FAILING."

I SAID AFTERWARDS,

THAT WE KILLED A DEMON THAT NIGHT

IN BLACKOUT.

BUT THAT SCENE IN THE DARK

WHERE I JUST HAD TO FACE MY THOUGHTS,

I WALKED OUT A STRONGER PERSON.

THAT'S PRETTY DAMN BEAUTIFUL.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[COUNTRY SWING MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ DARK MOON

♪ OH, WAY UP HIGH UP IN THE SKY ♪

♪ OH, TELL ME WHY OH, TELL ME WHY ♪

♪ YOU'VE LOST YOUR SPLENDOR ♪

♪ DARK MOON

♪ WHAT IS THE CAUSE YOUR LIFE WITHDRAWS ♪

♪ IS IT BECAUSE IS IT BECAUSE ♪

♪ I'VE LOST MY LOVE

♪ MORTALS HAVE DREAMS

♪ OF LOVE'S PERFECT SCHEMES ♪

- ♪ BUT THEY DON'T REALIZE - [MAN'S VOICE ON TAPE] GIVE MYSELF TO YOU.

♪ THAT LOVE WILL SOMETIMES BRING ♪

♪ A DARK MOON

♪ OH, WAY UP HIGH UP IN THE SKY ♪

♪ OH, TELL ME WHY OH, TELL ME WHY ♪

♪ YOU'VE LOST YOUR SPLENDOR ♪

♪ DARK MOON

♪ WHAT IS THE CAUSE YOUR LIFE WITHDRAWS ♪

♪ IS IT BECAUSE IS IT BECAUSE ♪

♪ I'VE LOST MY LOVE

♪ DARK MOON

♪ WHAT IS THE CAUSE YOUR LIFE WITHDRAWS ♪

♪ IS IT BECAUSE IS IT BECAUSE ♪

♪ I'VE LOST MY LOVE

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]