Original subtitles

I

ve lived in the theater since I was a kid.

W h at I don't know about acting

isn't worth knowing.

N o w, you may be 20 years old and just beginning,

but I think you're a genius.

Y o u've got magnetism, but no idea how to use it.

Y o u have to grab the audience by the throat and say,

N ow, you buggers, you pay attention to me!"

And remember this,

w h en you're on the stage acting,

theater is the only reality.

E v erything else, the world outside,

w h at civilians call the real world,

is nothing but fantasy.

A n d I bloody well won't let you forget it.

T h e trouble is, darling, I'm an incurable romantic.

I believe in love,

I believe in happiness,

I believe in us.

A R CHIE: No, you don't. You're just saying that.

T h ere's someone else, isn't there?

I love you, I do.

I do, I love you...

And I used to believe

w e 'd live happily ever after.

Didn't you?

W i th every fiber of my being.

Only now...

G o od morning, Miss Lambert.

Good morning, Margery.

A n yone with my lord and master?

MARGERY: No.

D a rling, what are you doing here?

I want an answer, Michael.

What's the question?

W h a t did I say to you before we went to sleep last night, hmm?

U h , I give up. What did you say to me

b e fore we went to sleep last night?

I said I was tired.

I t s eems a perfectly natural thing to say before you go to sleep.

C h r ist, Michael, you can be an irritating little shit!

Julia, Julia, really,

i f your public could only hear your language.

I want them to hear.

I w ant every bloody one of them to hear.

I

m tired. I am utterly exhausted.

I need a holiday.

Just admit it, Michael.

Y o u've never understood what it means

to carry a play,

t o sweat it out night after night.

I

m the only one who takes it seriously, Michael, you know that.

A l l you do is count the money

a n d think it's a bloody great lark.

Take the play off.

But we'll lose a fortune.

Our partner won't like it.

To hell with Dolly!

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

G o d, I didn't mean to be so vile.

I t 's just I'm... I'm near to breaking point.

Everything's so tedious.

I want something to happen.

What?

I wish I knew.

P l ease. Please close the play at the end of the month.

Y e ah. I really do have to think about it.

W e can't have the theater dark.

Hmm?

I

ll try and see what I can do. I promise.

Hmm?

Please.

I promise.

Thank you.

You were very quiet

l e aving the house this morning.

W e ll, I didn't want to wake you.

Y o u were dead to the world.

Hmm.

I did my exercises and went for a run.

Exercises, running...

God, Michael,

y o u're the vainest man in London.

Me, vain? Nonsense.

I j u st want to preserve my magnificent good looks for as long as possible.

O h , yes, speaking of good looks,

d i d you notice that young man as you came in?

No.

He's an American.

S o n of a friend of a friend of Eddie Gilbert's.

I c an't see what that's got to do with me.

He admires you tremendously.

O h , he sounds frightfully intelligent.

What's his name?

Can't remember.

Uh, unfortunately,

h e 's as poor as a church mouse.

I t hought we might give him a spot of lunch.

W e l l, he's awfully good-mannered, for an American.

J ULIA: Uh!

Rubbish mail, Margery.

Yes, Mr. Gosselyn.

U h , I would like to introduce you to my wife,

Julia Lambert.

J u lia, this is... This is...

T h is is the young man I was telling you about.

H e wants to learn the business,

s o we're starting him off with our accountant.

I t ... It's an honor to meet you, Miss Lambert.

I w onder if we could persuade you

t o come and eat a chop with us.

M i chael will drive you back after lunch.

G e e, that's real kind of you.

Y o u two take the lift, I'll take the stairs.

Last one down's a sissy.

Miss Lambert,

c o uld I... Could I ask you a favor?

I c a n't give you any more room, if that's what you mean.

N o , no, no, it's, uh... I wonder...

Would you...

W o uld you let me have a photograph?

Of course.

Gee, that's swell of you.

I've seen you in Farewell, My Love three times.

Y o u haven't. Have you really?

It's such a silly play.

Oh, it's not the play,

i t 's you. You're just... Just great.

I'm glad you liked me.

Liked you? I loved you.

I won.

JULIA: What?

Well done.

Come on, Mr... Uh...

A l l an actress like Julia needs

is a vehicle.

I t 's the actors the public go to see,

not the play.

Y o u know, that's true in my case.

I

d see you in anything, Miss Lambert.

B u t you know what I'd really like to find out?

How did you start?

H o w did you get to be where you are,

o w ning your own theater, top of the tree?

C l ean living and hard work. Cigarette?

W e o we it all to a rude, foul-mouthed brute called Jimmie Langton.

W e w ere in his repertory company in Middlesbrough.

H e knew all there is to know about theater and acting.

T h at's where I met Michael. That's how we began.

I was a rotten actor.

Yes, but you have presence.

T h e audience always gasps when you come on.

I t 's his dazzling good looks, you see.

G e e, this is fascinating. Fascinating.

Dreadfully jealous of him?

M I CHAEL: You're very sweet, but I know perfectly well

t h a t all I can play are diplomats, lawyers and politicians.

I

v e always been more interested in the business side. That's...

Y e s, but you know as well as I do

t h at we'd be nothing without Jimmie.

I a lways lay a place for him at the table.

Just in case he turns up.

He's been dead for 15 years.

Yes, but you never know.

He was a monster.

U h , how do you spell your first name?

T-O-M.

DANCER: Hoy!

Hoy!

Hoy!

Hoy!

Hoy!

ARCHIE: For God's sake,

d o n't torture yourself like this, Laura.

N o one will ever know how much I loved him.

He was my earth, my moon,

a l l the stars in the firmament.

Farewell, my love.

Bravo! Bravo!

N o , there's nothing left for me now,

b u t to tour Canada and Australia,

God help me.

N o nsense, Miss Lambert.

It's not nonsense.

I

ve decided to retire and let myself go.

I'll have potatoes for lunch

and potatoes for dinner.

Beer. God, I love beer!

A n d treacle pudding and cherry tart and cream.

C r eam, cream, cream, cream, cream...

As God is my judge,

I

ll never eat a lettuce leaf again.

Oh, God,

I bet I know who that is.

Good afternoon, Evie.

O h , Mrs. De Vries, what a surprise.

U h , I hope this isn't inconvenient

b u t I have to see Miss Lambert on a business matter.

S h e isn't having one of her afternoon naps, is she?

Wait a minute.

Guess who's here.

Show her in.

B u siness, she says, but isn't it funny

h o w she always manages to time her visits

w h en you're lying stark bollock naked.

E n ough of that, you dirty-minded slut.

Show her in.

Mrs. De Vries.

DOLLY: Julia, darling.

Dolly, dear. Hmm.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I a l ways seem to call when you're, you're otherwise engaged.

Tea?

Lovely.

I g nore me. I'll... I'll just sit here

q u iet as a lamb until you're done.

S o E vie said something about business. Hmm?

What? Oh, yes.

U m , Michael tells me you want to close the play.

M y husband's a devious little runt.

Oh, that's unfair.

H e was perfectly right to consult me.

W e 're partners. The three of us.

A perfect combination.

M y money, his know-how, your genius.

I'm exhausted, Dolly.

I f eel twice my age, which makes me 90.

I

m bored. Life has nothing in store for me.

Y o u mean that or are you acting?

I n ever know when you're acting.

I'm not acting!

I

m near to having a breakdown.

I f eel as though my life's come to an end.

All right. All right.

All done.

J U LIA: Oh, thank you, you're a dear.

Uh.

A r e you really near a breakdown, Julia?

O h , I don't know. I don't know.

I

m in such an odd state at the moment.

It's as if...

I t 's as if the curtain's come down on Act One,

b u t I have no idea what happens in Act Two.

I

.. I'm in a sort of limbo.

W a iting for something to happen. But what?

What?

O h , please, Dolly, be my friend.

Oh.

M a ke Michael take the play off.

I need a holiday.

I c ould visit...visit my mother in Jersey,

a n d then visit you in France.

Oh.

I could swim in your pool.

In the nuddy.

Lovely flowers for someone.

O h , hello, a blooming florist's shop.

W h o sent them? Mrs. De Vries?

V e ry likely. Or Lord Tamerley.

H e re, don't forget, you've got dinner with him

after the show tonight.

Yes, I know.

E x pect you'll have to turn on the waterworks

for him again as per usual.

I w ish you'd teach me to cry real tears.

The times I've needed them.

Oh, here's a card.

F r om Mr. Thomas Fennel, Tavistock Square.

What a place to live.

W h o the hell do you suppose he is, Evie?

O h , some feller knocked all of a heap

b y your fatal beauty, I expect.

Probably cost a fortune.

CALL BOY: Beginners.

W e nt without dinner for a week.

Oh, pull the other one.

B e ginners, please, Miss Lambert.

Mmm-hmm.

W e ll, whoever Mr. Thomas Fennel is,

I t hink it's a bit of all right

h a ving a young man send me flowers

at my time of life.

I mean, it just shows you...

H o w do you know he's a young man?

He's probably over 80.

Go to hell.

I 'm on my way I'm on my way

I 'm busy 'cause I'm on my way ♪

Thank you.

Thank you.

Julia Lambert.

The champagne now, my lord?

Thank you, Antoine.

And for you, MadameLambert?

I

d prefer beer, but I mustn't,

so I'll make do with bubbly.

Thank you.

It's for you. Open it.

Oh.

I t 's a portrait of Clairon.

She was a great actress,

a n d I believe you have many of her gifts.

Charles, you are sweet.

I thought you might like it.

I t 's by way of being a parting present.

You're going away?

N o . But I shan't be seeing you anymore.

Oh, Charles, not again.

N o . This is becoming a ritual. Why?

W e have such a beautiful friendship, Julia.

I t 's unique in my experience, but people talk.

They don't understand.

A n d even though we know the truth,

i f we go on seeing one another,

t h ere will be a terrible scandal.

No, there won't.

M i chael and I lead separate lives.

T h at's why we're so happily married.

More or less.

J u mped-up little tart, that's what she is.

N e ver stops acting, on-stage or off.

She's just one big pose.

Dashed pretty.

S h ut up, Rupert, don't show your ignorance.

I know all about her.

W e w ere both born in the Channel Islands, Jersey.

H e r father was our doctor. A Jersey doctor!

Y o u can't get more common than that.

I t 's only common sense, darling.

I don't want to lose you.

I... I have few friends.

Real friends.

Y o u're the only person in my life

w i th whom I can be entirely myself.

I

m terribly low at the moment.

I... I need you.

L e t's go on seeing each other. Please.

Uh, please forgive us intruding like this, Miss Lambert.

M y friend and I are such very great admirers.

A n d I wonder... Do you remember me?

F l orence Coltraine, isn't it?

W Correct.

R u pert and I want you to settle an argument.

I t hink I used to know your father in Jersey.

H e was a doctor, wasn't he?

H e used to come to our house quite often.

Actually, he was a vet.

H e used to go to your house

to deliver the bitches.

The house was full of them.

L ife is just a bowl of cherries

D on't make it serious life's too mysterious

Y ou work, you save you worry so

B ut you can't take your dough when you go

I

m sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you.

T-O-M.

You remember.

D i d you like the...the flowers?

O h , Mr. Thomas Fennel, Tavistock Square.

Yes, of course, thank you.

W e ll, uh, I couldn't decide between a single rose

a n d every flower in the store.

I s that why you're here at this time of night?

T o find out if I received the flowers?

N o . You see, I don't have a phone yet.

And I...

Um...

Y o u wouldn't come to tea with me one day, would you?

I don't see why not.

Will you really?

How about next Friday?

1 3 8 Tavistock Square, 4:30?

A l l right. I'll be there.

G e e, that's swell. See you then.

T he sweet things in life to you were just loaned

S o how gonna you lose what you've never owned?

L ife is just a bowl of cherries

S o live and laugh at it all

C H O RUS: ♪ Life is just a bowl of cherries

D on't make it serious life's too mysterious

Y ou work, you save you worry so

B u t you can't take your dough when you go, go

K eep on repeating "It's the berries"

T he strongest oak must fall ♪

Oh?

I saw you drive up.

I

m afraid I'm on the third floor.

I hope you don't mind.

And if I do?

We're there.

Thank God for that.

T h e gas ring's in the bathroom.

Oh.

I t isn't the Ritz, but it's home.

N o , it's...it's charming. It's so London.

I t reminds me of my early days.

I h ave to put coins in the gas meter.

Oh, yes, so did I.

H a ve some cake. I bought it specially.

Oh.

I shouldn't, but I will.

Y o u know something? You ought to be in movies.

R e al actresses don't make films.

But beautiful actresses do.

Hmm.

Well, I saw you in Nobody's Perfecton Broadway.

I was 14 at the time.

I w ish you hadn't told me that.

I s tood outside the stage door and, uh, I got your autograph.

Y o u asked me my name. I told you.

You knew how to spell it then.

What's so funny?

Y o u remind me of something.

What is it?

M y husband. In a scene we had to play.

H e didn't know how to sit down.

J i mmie made him do it over and over again.

Uh, I can't stay long.

I m ust have a nap before my performance.

B u t you've only just arrived.

A n d you...you can't go without, uh,

w i thout, well, seeing the view.

It's really great.

I f you just come over to the window...

Isn't it terrific?

I just love London.

I t 's so big, but it's also kind of friendly.

A n d all those people, each with their own lives.

I can't explain it.

W h en I first came to London, I stood in Piccadilly Circus

looking at the lights

a n d the people and the taxis,

and I said out loud,

O ne day I'm going to conquer you."

And you have.

Have I? I wonder...

Look at my hair.

Uh, here.

Oh?

Thank you.

A n d I thought you were such a shy young man.

W h en am I... When am I gonna see you again?

You want to see me again?

What do you think?

I

ll ring you up one of these days.

Uh, my hat...

Oh, uh...

G o od. Well, uh, I have a phone now.

A n d the number's Museum-4516.

So promise you'll call soon.

On my honor.

L No, no. Don't come down.

I can see myself out.

F o r Christ's sake, Julia, what do you think you're doing?

Y o u're supposed to be playing a whore,

not a schoolgirl with a crush on her gym mistress.

You kissed him

a s if you were frightened of catching his cold.

W h en you kiss, you should feel

a s if your bones are melting inside your body.

T o n gues, darling, that's what it's about, tongues.

Now, I know you're a virgin.

D o n't give me the waterworks, Julia, I'm too old for that.

Y o u 're a virgin, so what you have to do is find a handsome young man,

l i ke your juvenile man, Michael Gosselyn.

Go back to your rooms,

t a k e your clothes off, lie on the bed, open your legs

a n d ask him to give it to you hot, sweet and strong.

I f t hat doesn't improve your acting, then nothing will.

Right, let's do it again.

What's so funny?

I f eel as though I'm a 2-year-old.

T h at's 88 years you've lost in a week.

Tell us the secret.

W e 'll bottle it and make a fortune.

Hmm.

D a mn it all, Miss Lambert, you don't look so bad.

Y o u can go on playing 25-year-olds,

3 0 -year-olds for a good long time yet.

And then what?

Whoo!

M o thers, grandmothers and old maids.

B u gger playwrights. Can't write for women.

T h ey're all men, that's the trouble.

Yes?

Good morning.

T-O-M.

You promised to call me.

Give a girl a chance.

W h en am I going to see you again?

A s soon as I have a moment to spare.

C o me to tea after the matinee.

O h , I'm not falling for that one again.

H o w about dinner after the show then?

If you insist.

I do.

♪ On the silver screen

H e melts her foolish heart in every single scene

A lthough she's quite aware that here and there

A re traces of the cad about the boy

L ord knows she's not a fool girl

♪ She really shouldn't care

L ord knows she's not a school girl

I n the flurry of her first affair

W ill it ever cloy this odd diversity

O f misery and joy I told them

L o ok, there's Lord Crumley over there.

A n d I think that's Lady Laweston.

W h at have you been reading, Debrett's?

D ebrett's?No, The Tatler.

O h

you have to know who's who to get on in this town.

O h , you want to get on, do you?

I w ant to get on you, Julia.

Don't be disgusting.

But I want you.

I do.

Y ou're the loveliest girl that one

I want you.

Y o ur conversation's frightfully limited, Tom.

Dance with me.

What time is it?

O h , well, uh, I... I forgot to put on my watch.

Have you pawned it?

No, no, I just, uh,

I

.. I dressed in rather a hurry tonight.

♪ They'll never believe me

♪ They'll never believe me

T hat from this great big world

♪ You've chosen ♪

H e treated you like a tart.

W h ich of course is what you are.

J U LIA: He was my earth, my moon,

a n d all the stars in the firmament.

W H The photo's in the wrong place!

Farewell, my love.

Y o u were wonderful tonight, my darling.

Bloody marvelous.

You almost made me cry.

Only almost?

I

ll kill whoever set the photo.

Thanks, Archie.

A n d what've you done to your eyes?

H m m? Some new makeup?

I

ve never seen them shine like that before.

Your call, Mr. Dexter.

Hmm.

S o rry about the photo, it won't happen again.

Hmm.

Your call, Miss Lambert.

You're forgiven.

What's the matter with her?

Darling, Julia.

Y o u were quite wonderful tonight.

I

ll say. Absolutely first-rate.

Thank you.

Y e s, I believe I was firing on all cylinders.

A n d I'm starving, absolutely ravenous.

E v ie, what have we got for supper tonight?

Tripe and onions.

O h , how divine. I adore tripe and onions.

M i chael, Michael, if you love me,

i f you've got any spark of tenderness

in that hard heart of yours,

l e t me have a bottle of beer.

Beer?

Yes.

Julia.

Just this once.

Oh, Evie, that's for you.

Uh, please?

J u lia, I think it's a damn shame.

J U LIA: What is?

W e ll, that you're taking the play off.

The good news is,

I

ve found an Italian company

w h o wants the theater for three months,

s o I said they could have it.

Hmm. Mmm.

I

m sure your mother's as excited as I am

a t the thought of being with you.

W e 'll have such fun at my place, Julia.

Y o u could do anything you like.

Rest. Anything.

I

ve changed my mind. I don't know why,

b u t I'm beginning to enjoy myself again.

Oh, but...

L et's run through the summer

a n d then find something new for the autumn.

B u t I've... I... I've... I've told the Italians.

Then un-tell them.

A n d I was so looking forward to France.

Stars will be stars.

I forgot.

What?

Hmm...

Oh, my God. A Cartier.

W e ll spotted. When's your birthday?

November 20.

Hmm.

Happy Birthday.

U h , but it's not November 20.

D o n't be so pedantic. Open it.

O h , that's the one thing I've wanted my whole life.

Thank you.

Uh, geez, it's lousy

I c an't give you anything in return.

G i ve me that watch you pawned to buy me supper.

H a ve you redeemed it yet? Ah! Thanks.

I t 'll amuse me to wear it.

I love you, Julia.

T h is is total insanity. I'm old enough to be...

God, I'm a fool,

I'm such a bloody fool.

G o od morning, Evie. Where's my wife?

In your study.

My study?

Mmm-hmm.

What's she doing there?

Exercising.

Exercising?

What are you doing?

S w imming the Channel, what do you think I'm doing?

Yeah, but why?

M i ss Phillips said my tummy needed tightening,

so I'm tightening it.

Oh.

O h , yes, I had a thought.

W e should take a country house

for the summer.

What do you think?

I'll talk to you later.

M I C HAEL: So do you think a house for the summer's a good idea?

Yes.

Golf, swimming, tennis.

I t 'll be especially good for Roger. He loves golf.

T h e n he's gonna have to decide what's he gonna do with his life.

I t hink he should go to university.

H e doesn't want to, and we shouldn't insist.

It's his life.

Oh, yes, I had another idea.

Y o u remember that young chap I introduced you to?

Which young chap?

T h at American. Good-looking fellow.

Remember?

N o

H e wants to learn the business.

Tom Fennel's his name.

American, you must remember.

Vaguely.

W e ll, he's frightfully good at his job.

H e 's a wizard with money.

L o ts of American ideas for avoiding tax.

What about him?

W e ll, I thought we might invite him down

for a couple of weeks to spend his holiday with us.

W h y would we want to do that?

H e 'll be company for Roger.

H e 's only a bit older.

R o ger will like him, I'm sure of it.

Shall I ask him?

Hmm.

Ah!

J U LIA: Remind me to keep exercising.

S o , will you come and stay?

M i chael says the house is frightfully comfortable.

Probably not.

I

m going abroad for a couple of months.

J U LIA: What fun.

C H A RLES: Well, you'll be busy, won't you?

L o oking for a new play, reading scripts.

So, what do you think?

H e hasn't done justice to your eyes.

J U L IA: As a matter of fact, there is a play that interests me.

It's about an older woman

w h o has an affair with a younger man.

Oh, a farce.

Why do you say that?

W e ll, because everyone laughs at the older woman.

N o , not in this play. It's rather serious.

T h e Act One curtain's good.

I t comes as a shock to her.

What does?

T h at she's fallen in love with the boy.

A n d it happens just when everything

s e emed to her so dull and unpromising,

as if her life was over.

S h e finds the affair exhilarating.

A n d everyone keeps telling her

she looks 10 years younger.

I t rust she doesn't confess to the boy

t h at she loves him. That's always fatal.

D o es it sound like something for me?

O h , don't be ridiculous, Julia.

N o , your public would never stand for it.

If such a woman asked me,

I k now what advice I'd give her.

What?

Break it off at once.

I t will only end in tears.

B u t, Charles, she can't do that.

Why ever not?

B e cause she's fallen in love with him,

t h at's why. She's helpless.

Hmm.

The character in the play.

Dolly, old thing,

how are you?

I h aven't seen you for ages.

S i t down and make yourself, uh,

comfy.

S o , come to see that the old firm's raking in

the dividends for you?

M i chael, I'll come straight to the point.

Y o u know I'm not one to gossip,

b u t...but I'm upset about Julia.

I t h ink you ought to know that people are beginning to talk.

What the devil do you mean?

W e ll, it's absurd that at her age,

s h e should make herself so conspicuous

with a young boy.

O h , you mean Tom Fennel? Don't be such a fool, Dolly.

I'm not a fool.

W h en someone is as well-known as Julia

a n d they're always seen with the same man, naturally people talk.

T o m Fennel is a very good type of American.

He's clean, honest and by way of being a gentleman.

He's boring, dull,

common and a snob.

He's just using Julia.

He's a little gold digger.

C a n you look me in the eyes, Dolly,

and tell me you really think

J u lia's having an affair with him?

No.

Ah.

T h e truth is, Michael, I've hardly seen her.

S h e never telephones anymore, and...

And...

I u nderstand, Dolly, believe me.

S h e's very fond of you, you know that,

b u t she's bound to have other friends.

I don't think chaps

s h ould talk about their wives to others.

I t hink it's frightfully bad form,

b u t let me explain something to you about Julia.

S e x doesn't mean a thing to her.

I t was different in the beginning.

T h en she could be somewhat tiresome sometimes.

B u t after she had Roger, she changed.

H a ving a baby seemed to settle her.

A l l those instincts went into her acting, you see.

G o ssip isn't good for business, Michael.

I m ean, if Julia had one flagrant affair after another,

nobody would notice,

but this boy,

he's half her age.

T h e public has always looked up to you

a s such a devoted and loyal couple.

A n d so we are, damn it. In our way.

D e voted, united, but not...

H o w shall I put it? Not possessive.

We're a very modern couple.

M I CHAEL: Hello, Roger, my boy.

Hello, Daddy.

G l ad to be finished at Eton?

No Mummy?

N o , it's Saturday. She's got two shows.

3 and 4 pence, sir.

M I CHAEL: She'll be down first thing in the morning.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, sir.

H e re, let me give you a hand.

S h e's bringing a young chap down with her,

your age more or less.

A Y ank. I think you'll like him.

I get no kick from champagne

M ere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all

S o tell me why should it be true

T hat I get a kick out of you

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Tell me.

I t 's... I... I... I just don't...

I

m worried sick, that's all.

What about?

T e ll me, Tom. What?

I t 's money, I owe money.

Oh.

Is that all?

I t hought it was something serious.

W e ll, it's okay for you, Julia,

b u t I just can't afford all the things we do.

Nightclubs, restaurants.

Sweetheart.

H o w can you let a trifle like that upset you?

D o n't worry about it. I'll give you the money.

N o , I... I couldn't take any money from you.

What nonsense.

Why grudge me the happiness

i t gives me to get you out of a hole?

♪ I get a kick out of you ♪

J U L IA: I thought tonight we might play mahjong.

Do you play mahjong, Tom?

No, I...

ROGER: Sorry, um, no can do.

W e

re going down to the pub to assess the local talent.

M I CHAEL: Oh, I might come with you.

T h e barmaid is an absolute stunner.

God, you're all so vulgar.

W e ll, Mummy, you have an early night.

I t

ll do you good. You're looking awfully fagged.

More wine?

W O MAN: First word.

A R CHIE: First word.

A L L: Film. Cinema.

Three words. The first word...

S h e'll never get this one. Never get this.

A R CHIE: Small.

W O MAN: Very small.

Oh, um, wee. Wee, wee, wee.

M A N: Wee.

There you go.

A RCHIE: Second word.

Second word, fly.

Very nice, Julia.

W e e, wee. Wee, wee. Wee, wee, wee, wee.

J u lia, Julia, Julia, we're in mixed company.

W O MAN: Oh, let's do the third word.

A R CHIE: Third word. Third word.

W i nking! Winking!

Oh, oh, oh.

-Wee Willie Winkie!

Yes.

Yes. Yes, you idiots. Wee Willie Winkie.

S h irley Temple, God, you're stupid.

I don't get "Willie."

I don't get "Willie."

Oh, well, they did.

It... It's an English thing.

Ah.

Okay.

A V ICE: Hello, you.

T O M: Hey.

R O GER: More water.

A V ICE: No, stop it!

R O GER: I told you.

O h , no. I just dried off, Tom, I hate you.

I'm going to get you back.

R O GER: You're an uncivilized oaf.

And you're running away.

G I R L: Come on, Michael, you promised me a dance.

So I did, sorry.

I might be out of practice.

G R A CE: Answer my question, Julia.

J U LIA: What question?

G R ACE: Would you?

J U LIA: Would I what?

GRACE: Tour in The Second Mrs. Tanqueray

for £17 a week.

A n d it's a six-month tour, darling.

Six months.

N o , I can't be away from home for six months.

W h at would Archie do without me?

Oh, he'll think of something.

Mmm.

T h ey're so bloody mean, these managements.

I s aid, "Give me £18 and I'll do it."

A n d he said, "£18? £18!" Cheeky little sod.

W h at are you doing tonight?

I don't know.

Do you know that girl's name?

Which girl?

Oh, that's Avice Crichton.

Y ou couldn't have her for £80,

"never mind £18."

I thought that was witty.

D o n't you think that was witty?

Hilarious.

W e ll, they're not number-one dates, darling.

Oh, not at all.

L o westoft, Bournemouth and Chesterfield

and Christ knows where else.

Six months...

M u m my, we're going to London to have supper and do the clubs, all right?

No. No, really not.

Y o u've all had too much to drink.

T o m hasn't. He's driving,

a n d one of the girls has a car.

T O M: Yeah. Yeah, we had a great time

R O GER: Good night, old man.

Good night, pal.

J u l ia, are you crazy, what do you think you're you doing?

I w as about to ask you the same thing!

Go back to your room.

I

ve hardly seen you since you've been here!

Y o u've seen Roger more than you've seen of me.

We haven't been alone.

W h at's wrong with you? You haven't held me,

you haven't kissed me.

Shh.

S O Can't you see the state I'm in?

A n d...and tonight... Tonight, going off like that,

n o t a word to me, with that little tart.

O h , Avice Crichton is not a tart.

A v ice Crichton certainly looks like one.

I

m going back to London tomorrow.

G o od. I hope you remember to tip the servants

o r do you want me to give you the money, hmm?

T h ese are yours, take them back.

D o n't be such a bloody little fool.

Y o u think I like being a kept boy?

Y o u think I like being humiliated like this, huh?

I

m sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

That makes it even worse.

I s h ould never have let you give me these presents.

I s hould never have let you lend me that money.

N e x t week's the end of the month. I'll pay you back the £200.

I've apologized.

D o n't go to London tomorrow, please.

I love you, Tom.

Please.

I

m tired. I want to go to bed now.

J I M MIE: Now, that's the real thing, Julia,

o r my name's not Jimmie Langton.

B u t I've got some notes.

Y o u're still going over the top.

Y o u've got to learn restraint.

A n d for Christ's sake, stop crying, will you?

W e a ll know you can turn your tears on and off like a tap,

s o turn them off, will you?

Well, bugger me,

y o u really are crying this time, aren't you?

I c an't say I wasn't moved,

b u t you've got to learn to do it

so that it seems real.

S e ems to be real, that's the art of acting.

H o ld the mirror up to nature, ducky,

o t herwise you'll become a nervous wreck,

take to drink

a n d end up a piss artist playing gin-sodden whores

a l l over Scotland on number three tours.

T e chnique, that's what I want you to learn.

Technique.

I s aw the light on. Can I come in?

Y e s, of course. Is something wrong?

N o . You've been crying.

N o , no, just a bad dream.

What is it, sweetheart?

W e picked up a couple of girls tonight.

Who did?

Tom and me.

Oh.

T o m made me promise I wouldn't tell you.

He said you'd be furious.

Were they tarts?

No, they're on the stage.

J o an asked me if I could get her

a n understudy in your next play.

Yes, tarts.

I just had to tell you.

Tell me what?

I thought it was about time

I f ound out what it was all about.

Roger, what do you mean?

Love.

Love?

It's not that great, really.

I d on't know why everybody makes such a fuss about it.

M u mmy, what's the matter?

You are upset.

Why are you crying?

O h , because you're such a little boy.

Don't cry.

Hmm.

I needed to tell you.

I t had to happen sooner or later.

I t makes me feel so old.

"Age cannot wither her,

n or custom stale her infinite variety."

If I'd been Cleopatra,

I

d have put whoever said that to death.

To tell you the truth,

I didn't enjoy it much.

Oh, you're so very,

very young.

I'll grow out of it.

Hmm.

I may go abroad for a while.

Oh, where?

I d on't know. Italy, France. Abroad.

I say,

about...about that understudy,

is there any chance for Joan?

Tell her to write to me.

Thanks. Good night.

Good night, darling.

An understudy, my foot.

Wait.

Hold it.

I t 's from you know who.

I d on't want to be disturbed.

Good matinee?

All right,

b u t I'm not feeling very well.

D r aw up a chair. Sit down.

What's the matter?

N o thing. I haven't been sleeping.

I h ad a post card from Roger.

He's in Naples.

S a ys he's having a great time.

Y e s , but you haven't come here just to tell me that, have you?

N o , it's something else. I, uh...

I c an't pay you back the money that I owe you.

I k now I said at the end of last month.

But I just don't have it.

I could pay it off.

I h ate having to ask for more time. But...

D o n't be such a bloody little idiot, Tom.

It's so humiliating, Julia.

G e ez, when you said you'd pay my tips for me,

h o w do you think that made me feel?

I s aid I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.

I was jealous of you

s p ending so much time with Roger.

I was jealous.

I w as jealous of you going out

a n d having a good time without me.

Is that so horrible?

I s hould never have accepted anything from you.

Y o u're everything in the world to me.

You know that.

I l ove being with you. I don't want to lose you.

I have few friends.

Real friends.

A n d you're the only person in my life

w i th whom I can be entirely myself.

Let's... Let's go...

L e t's go on seeing each other. Please.

Oh, Julia.

Well, I've always said,

y o u're lucky you can cry without your eyelids swelling.

Go to hell.

W e ll, you're looking a lot happier,

I'll say that for you.

I hope with good reason.

I f you're thinking what I think you're thinking,

then stop thinking.

A l l the same, Evie, you know what I think?

No, what do you think?

What mugs men are.

W e l l, they can't keep it in their trousers, that's for sure.

L You're a revolting hag.

Yes, I am happier.

E v erything will be all right now.

S I can't help feeling...

I wish I didn't.

D e ep down, I can't help feeling...

What?

A c ertain contempt for that boy.

He's so transparent.

L ife is just a bowl of cherries

D on't make it serious life's too mysterious

Y ou work, you save, you worry so

B u t you can't take your dough when you go, go, go

♪ So keep repeating ♪

A r e you dancing with me or with someone else?

I'm sorry, I, uh,

I c a n't get over what her royal highness just said to me.

What? What did she say?

S h e said I ought to come and see them in the country.

And I was just thinking,

y o u think it's okay if I asked her to dance?

O h , you're such a dreadful snob, Tom.

I k n ow. That's why England's the best place for me.

I'm glad we've quarreled.

W e 're closer now than we've ever been.

Tom?

What?

Can I ask you a favor?

Anything in the world.

Y o u know Julia Lambert well, don't you?

No, not well, slightly.

Oh.

H a ve you been to bed with her?

Are you crazy?

S h e's old enough to be my mother.

What about her?

I h eard on the grapevine that she's doing a new play

called Nowadays,

a n d there's a part for me in it.

So I wondered if you...

If I'd talk to her?

Yes. Please, Tom,

I

m doing a Sunday night performance week after next.

T e rrible play. Lovely part. Good shop window.

I f you could get her to see me in it...

I s that all?

Consider it done.

I can get Julia Lambert

to do anything I want.

She eats out of my hand.

The part's yours.

Don't be daft,

I

d be lucky to get an audition,

never mind the part.

You'll be in that play

or I'll never kiss you again.

Must say,

n e ver thought you'd keep this up.

N o r did I. But tummies will be tummies.

S a w the preliminary budget for Nowadays.

Hmm.

Looks promising.

M u st start auditioning. By the way,

h a ve you ever heard of a girl called Avice Crichton?

The name rings a bell.

I

m told she's rather good.

I w as wondering if she might play Sybil.

Guess how I heard about her.

How?

Through Tom.

He says she's clever.

S h e's playing in a Sunday night show.

T o m thinks it might be worthwhile to go and have a look-see.

Well, why don't you?

Can't.

G o ing down to sandwich to play golf.

Staying the night.

W o uld it bore you awfully to go?

Tom'll take you.

I'll think about it.

H m m, am I late or were you early?

T h e curtain goes up sharp at 8:00.

I h ate getting to a play after it's begun.

Remind me, uh,

w h at's the name of the actress we're going to see tonight?

A v ice Crichton. You met her.

She came to lunch at Taplow.

W e even fought over her. Did we?

Mmm.

I don't remember.

I c an't wait to hear what you think of her.

S h e's so nervous knowing you're gonna be out front.

Y o u know, these Sunday performances are like a couple of rehearsals,

but I said you'd understand.

Bottoms up.

I had a letter from Roger.

H e 's having a fine old time. He's in Rome now.

O h , yeah? She's awfully pretty.

W h o are we talking about now?

Avice Crichton.

Oh.

Y e a h, she's got a great figure. And she's very fair.

W h at with platinum and peroxide,

t h ere's no lack of blondes these days.

Hers is natural.

I wonder how you know that.

K e ep the pace, Julia, don't rush it.

Nice and easy.

God, this is undrinkable.

H e 'll have to make a fresh pot.

Julia, please don't.

We'll be late.

I d o n't suppose it matters if we miss the first few minutes.

B u t I said we'd be there on the dot.

S h e's got a very good scene right at the beginning.

I

m sorry, but I can't go without my coffee.

W i lson, can you make a fresh pot?

This tastes of bitter aloes.

Bravo!

W h at time did the doctor say he was coming?

Any moment now.

Which one's Avice?

The pretty one.

A V ICE: Oh, Cynthia,

I d o hope he will be able to help me.

P R O MPTER: "He's meant to be a miracle worker."

H e 's meant to be a miracle worker.

I d o so want to see again, Cynthia.

M i ss Lambert, this is such an honor.

You were great.

I

m so glad to meet you again.

A n d it's awfully good of you to come round.

I

.. I'm afraid it's not much of a play

b u t I took a fancy to the part.

Oh, my dear,

p l ease don't weep. You're nervous.

A n d nerves are the respect we pay our audience.

I t was only the first few moments.

A f t er that, you were splendid, quite splendid.

Thank you, Miss Lambert.

Of course.

Thank you so much.

G o od night, Miss Crichton, and thank you.

Y o u're so good at being blind.

Oh, thank you.

Ask her.

Miss Lambert,

i s i t true you're putting on a new play soon?

Yes.

I f there's a part for me in it,

could I audition for you?

I

ll tell Mr. Gosselyn about you.

I f you were to put in a good word for me,

that would help so much.

I t ake my husband's advice more often than he does mine.

O h , and good night. Please, cheer up.

You should go a long way.

Y o u didn't think much of her, did you?

O n the contrary, I think a great deal of her.

She's so energetic.

I d on't feel like going to a restaurant.

B o lton, straight home, please.

M i chael's away. We can talk.

Tell me,

h a ve you been to bed with Avice Crichton?

Of course not.

Why not? She's pretty.

S h e's not that sort of girl. I respect her.

H m m, do you know what I think?

I t hink you're madly in love with her.

Are you?

T h ere's no need to break up the happy home.

Y e ah, I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that.

Y o u did it because you haven't the guts to tell me the truth.

Y o u're in love with that girl, aren't you?

Why not admit it?

I s it because you think it would harm her chances

o f playing Sybil in the new play?

Y o u ought to know me well enough by now

t h a t I would never let sentiment interfere with business.

What do you mean?

I think she's rather a find.

I'll tell Michael.

I

ll insist she plays the part.

O h , Julia, you're wonderful.

Hell, I'm so fond of you.

You...

I'm fond of you.

I

ve liked going to bed with you.

And it pleases me to think

t h at you liked going to bed with me.

But let's face it.

I

ve never been in love with you

and you,

y o u've never been in love with me.

W e both knew it couldn't last.

Hmm.

Y o u're in love with that girl, aren't you?

You might as well admit it.

Yes.

Go now. Please.

F o r Christ's sake, Julia, what do you think you're doing?

You disappoint me.

O h , dear, oh, dear, you really do.

A f ter all I've taught you?

You can't just stand there

l i ke a spare prick at a wedding.

F o r Christ's sake, Julia, assert yourself.

I t 's you that matters. You. Only you.

A l l's fair with love and the theater, ducky.

N o one will ever know how much I loved him.

He was my earth, my moon,

a n d all the stars in the firmament.

Farewell, my love.

O h , evening, Mr. Gosselyn.

I d idn't expect you back tonight.

How was the golf?

Erratic.

How was the girl?

Oh.

Brilliant.

Really?

Very talented.

Yes, but can she act?

Oh, she has to play Sybil.

S h e's very pretty. Audition her.

You'll see what I mean.

M I CHAEL: I saw the play tonight.

J U LIA: Hmm. We took five calls.

J u lia, I've got something to say to you.

D o n't fly into temper, just listen.

What is it?

W h y did you give such a lousy performance?

A lousy performance?

Mmm-hmm.

T h at just shows how little you know.

I

ve never acted better in my life.

Balls. You were awful.

They adored me tonight.

T h e public are jackasses.

You were barnstorming.

F a lse from beginning to end.

H o w dare you speak to me like that,

you little shit?

G e t out of my room! What do you know?

You can strike me,

y o u can swear at me, you can yell the roof off.

T h e fact remains that your acting has gone all to hell.

A n d I'm not going to start rehearsing Nowadays

w i t h you playing up like a drama queen suffering from asthma.

G e t someone else to play the part!

Don't be stupid, Julia!

I

m taking the play off on Saturday.

A n d then I want you to go abroad.

Have a break.

G o and see your mother in Jersey.

We'll start rehearsing Nowadayswhen you...

When you get back.

Am I really that bad?

M I CHAEL: Yes.

D o n't let the world outside cheapen your gifts.

A n d what Jimmie Langton used to say,

Y our only reality is the theater."

I hate myself. I'm a slut.

I

m just a rotten bitch. Rotten through and through.

N e vertheless, you're a great actress.

Not tonight.

No. Not tonight.

O h , darling, I'm... I'm tired out. I...

So stupid of me. I should...

You're right. You're right.

T h e only thing is to go away.

Thank you.

M R S. LAMBERT: It's so good to see you.

And no drafts,

t h at's very important, Julia, dear.

A u nt Carrie and I will be very careful

t o see that you never sit in a draft.

A n d you must wear socks and woolen vests.

I w ould sooner wear a shroud.

O h , well, we will discuss it in the morning.

T U RNBULL: Miss Avice Crichton.

Good afternoon.

AVICE: Good afternoon.

I'm Michael Gosselyn.

Good afternoon, Mr. Gosselyn.

W h at are you going to do for us?

I t hought I'd do something from Twelfth Night.

Viola.

Good. In your own time.

M ake me a willow cabin at your gate

a nd call upon my soul within the house..."

N o w do it as if you've got a cold.

I beg your pardon?

Can you do it again,

but this time

a s if you've got a bad cold in the nose.

N A "Make me a willow cabin at your gate...

A nd call upon my soul within the house

W rite loyal cantons of contemned love

a nd sing them loud even in the dead of night

"Halloo your name..."

T h ank you. Can you do a sneeze?

A what?

C a n you do a good, big sneeze?

I think so.

I

ve got it. Tom, I've got it!

I've got it!

TOM: You got it!

She's coming.

D o n't over-dramatize, dear.

J u st say, "Here's a telegram,"

a s if it's the most natural thing in the world.

Y e s, but I hate telegrams.

Um, Julia, dear,

s i t down and, uh, don't be alarmed.

What's happened?

W e ll, I'm afraid there's a telegram for you.

Oh.

Oh, how lovely.

I only realize now

h o w terribly I've missed you all these months.

A n d I you. God, I've missed you.

C o me on, tell me all the gossip.

Oh, let's see.

J o hnny Gore-Barker has run off with Bunty Robinson.

No.

Yeah.

He can't have.

S h e looks like the back of a bus.

O h

I don't think Johnny Gore-Barker knows what a bus is, front or back.

A n d everyone's talking about this new girl,

but of course you know that.

What new girl?

T h e one who's to be in your next play.

H e r name's Avice Crichton, something like that.

M i chael says she's to be the new Julia Lambert.

Y e s, yes, he wrote to me.

I t was my idea. I'm delighted.

She's very pretty.

How madly generous of you.

C H A RLES: And London was full of your mischief, Julia.

J U LIA: Was it?

C H ARLES: It sounds as if you needed a hand to hold.

Are you through the worst?

I think my vanity

w a s more wounded than my heart.

I

m so sorry, Julia, sorry that you've suffered.

I l ove you. I always have. Always will.

C h arles, we're Miles from home.

T h ere's no one here who knows us.

Just... Honey...

What?

D o n't let your vanity be wounded again, um.

I'm not worth it.

There'd be no reason.

I l ove you in... In my own way.

J u lia, we've always known what that means.

Y o u can't be in the theater and that naive.

I l ove you more than you can imagine.

But...

But what?

I play for the other side.

Charles.

Oh, darling.

Hello.

J U LIA: Oh, Grace.

I

m so happy you're with us!

W e ll, it's not much of a part, but it is the West End.

Hello, dear.

H e llo, Michael, the play is wonderful.

I

d like to introduce our distinguished author,

Mr. Walter Gibbs.

Oh, I can't tell you

h o w proud I am that you're on Nowadays.

How sweet of you.

B u t you've given me a monstrous speech at the end of the play.

I hope I can learn it.

Y o u remember Miss Crichton.

Miss Lambert.

Oh, how could I forget.

She's playing Sybil.

M i ss Lambert, I just want you to know...

Have you seen Tom recently?

Uh, once or twice.

M i ss Lambert, I just want you to know

I

m going to give my all in this part.

I

ll give it my absolute all.

N o w, now, you mustn't be a little spendthrift.

A l l right, everybody, we'll start.

WOMAN: Yeah.

So, if you'll find a chair.

"Oh, Millicent,

t hen I asked if he could help me.

I asked if he would give me a letter to the bank.

"He lifted the towel.

H is nose was bright red and his eyes were streaming.

"He looked awful. He said,

N A "'I'm afraid I have a nasty cold in my nose.'"

Good.

I hope you didn't catch it from him.

"You can't afford a cold

"with so much to do."

Go on.

"Then he sneezed.

I don't think I've ever heard such a sneeze, Millicent.

A V ICE: "It began with a monstrous intake of breath.

"Wait, wait. I'll show you.

"I said, 'bless you.'

a nd he said, 'I won't say thank you

M I "'as it's meant to bring misfortune.'"

W e should have seen through him.

T hen it would never have happened.

"But nowadays

w e're only interested in appearances.

A nd he did have the most beautiful appearance."

U h , mumbo-jumbo. Bad luck to say the last line.

M I CHAEL: Right, well, I think we should call it a morning.

All right?

Couldn't be better.

G o od reading. Pleased with the company?

You've cast it splendidly.

The girl's clever, isn't she?

Yes, isn't she?

W e ll, give my love to Roger. Ta.

I w ouldn't say this to your face,

so I'll say it to your back.

I've missed you.

And I've missed you, Evie.

I did the usual things.

I s aw the sights. Worked hard at my Italian.

A n d went to the opera a good deal.

H a ve you made up your mind what you're going to do yet?

I want to stop living

i n an atmosphere of make-believe.

T h at's your world, not mine.

And it stifles me.

What do you mean?

Once, when I was a kid,

I w as standing in the wings watching you on-stage.

I t must've been a pretty moving scene

b e cause I couldn't stop blubbing.

Y o u moved to the side of the stage

near where I was standing

a n d you turned your back on the audience, and you said,

in your ordinary voice,

W h at the bloody hell the electrician thought he was doing

"with the bright lights."

A n d then in the same breath, with a great cry of anguish

y o u just went on with the scene.

That was acting.

If I... If I truly felt

a l l the emotions I was representing,

I'd be a wreck.

Y o u have a performance for everyone.

F o r the servants, for Daddy, for everybody.

A n d I don't think you really exist.

Roger!

O n ce you told me something. I don't remember exactly what,

but the exact same night

y o u said the same line on the stage.

E v en the things you say are second hand.

A l l I want is for you to be happy.

Y o u should talk this over with your father.

M m m, Daddy's worse than you are.

B u t he only acts one part, thank God,

a n d that's the handsomest man in England.

T h e n talk it over with someone of your own age, then.

Tom, for instance.

Tom?

I thought you liked him.

No, I didn't like him at all.

You've dropped him,

haven't you?

I...

I s uppose I have, more or less.

G o od. He wasn't worthy of you.

R o ger, do you think I'm getting old?

No, not you.

M m m, Tom's little tart's in your play, I hear.

By the way,

s h e's having a fling with Daddy.

N A "How's your cousin Millicent?"

And I said you were well.

He wanted to know...

Michael,

I'm not happy

s i tting beside her on the bench.

A f ter all, it's Miss Crichton's scene,

I t hink I'm too dominant here.

W e ll, move if you want to, but where?

T h ere, on the stool, with my back to the audience.

A l l I am is a feed in this scene

and it... It feels wrong

t o be on equal footing with Miss Crichton.

I d on't mind, really, Miss Lambert.

No, no, no, no,

I

m uncomfortable. It feels ungenerous.

M i chael, what if I'm discovered there

when the scene starts?

J U LIA: I could sit facing the swing.

Then I don't have to move.

I can stay here

r i ght until Miss Crichton's exit.

J U L IA: To thunderous applause, I've no doubt. Hmm?

W e ll, I'm... I'm quite happy to try it.

Go from the top.

J U L IA: How was your interview with Sir Philip?

Oh!

I t was like a scene out of Dickens.

G He had the most dread...

Y o u see? It's much better with me here, isn't it?

W e ll, yes, it is, as long as you don't mind

b e ing stuck down there for 10 minutes.

M i nd? Why should I mind? I suggested it.

S T AGEHAND: Lower. Lower.

That's right.

I t was like a scene out of Dickens.

He had the most dreadful cold.

AVICE: So I said,

S hould I come back another time?"

And he said,

N "No, no, no, no, no, no."

MICHAEL: Thank you,

a n d then give me all the light you've got.

Can't do comedy in the dark.

Dolly, darling.

D O LLY: How's it all going?

S p lendid. How was... How was France?

Splendid. How's Julia?

Splendid.

And the new girl?

We're ready, Mr. Gosselyn.

Thank you, Mr. Turnbull.

Dolly, have a seat.

T U RNBULL: Thank you, uh, Miss Lambert,

M r . Dexter, Miss Crichton on the stage.

T U RNBULL: Hold the banging.

JULIA: Michael.

I s ay, that's awfully plain, Julia.

P r ecisely. But I want it for two reasons.

F i rstly, it's awfully good for the quick change,

just hooks up the back.

S e cond, I simply don't want in any way

t o distract from Miss Crichton.

M I CHAEL: All right. Happy, Archie?

T r ousers need shortening a bit,

but that's all.

And Miss Crichton?

I d on't think it fits her properly.

E s pecially at the waist.

A n d she's got such a pretty figure,

I t hink it needs to come in at least half an inch.

I don't like it.

J u lia's being far too angelic.

SCHONBY ANDREWS SISTERS

O f all the boys I've known, and I've known some

U ntil I first met you I was lonesome

A nd when you came in sight, dear

M y heart grew light and this old world seemed new to me

Y ou're really swell I have to admit

Y ou deserve expressions that really fit you ♪

"Nowadaysfrom J. L." And the date. Very nice.

H e re's the list. Can you wrap each separately

a n d have them sent round to the theater

n o later than 5:00 this evening?

Of course, Miss Lambert.

I

m so looking forward to seeing the play.

S A L ESMAN: It will make a beautiful gift.

Yeah.

T-O-M.

Julia.

A r e you getting engaged to Avice?

O h , this. Oh, no. No, it's a first-night gift.

S h e doesn't want to get engaged.

Wants her freedom.

D o esn't want anything to interfere with her career.

Her what?

O h , yes, I... I see what you mean.

I

m going to be there tonight. Michael's given me a box.

S A LESMAN: Will that be all, sir?

Yes.

Tom, how about giving me tea?

At your place.

For old times' sake.

Why not?

Give Avice this. Hmm?

It may bring her luck.

C H A MBERLAIN: I have in my hand, this piece of paper

s i gned by me, HerrHitler, and Benito Macaroni

in Munich.

It is for peace in our time.

However, if there is a war,

t h en their majesties, the King and Queen

a n d their two lovely daughters,

Elizabeth and Margaret Rose

and me and the entire cabinet

w i ll set sail immediately for Canada!

You will stay here!

Break a leg.

M I C HAEL: You're going to be a sensation.

Terribly sorry.

Same from me, Julia.

A n d you're coming to the party tonight, aren't you?

O f course, wouldn't miss it. Thank you both.

Y e s, thank you. Thank you.

Yes.

Y o u don't have a whiskey handy?

N o

no, no, not here. I've got all that set up for you in the bar.

D a rling, we'll see you later.

D o l ly, I'll do the other dressing rooms and I'll see you in the foyer.

U h

bring our distinguished author with you, will you?

D O LLY: Yes, of course.

G I BBS: Are... Are we leaving?

Half an hour, Miss Lambert.

So... So... So sorry.

C A LL BOY: Hello, Mr. Dexter.

MICHAEL: It's me.

C A L L BOY: Half an hour please, Miss Crichton.

Oh, Michael.

T h ank you for everything, Michael.

H e re's your first-night present.

I

m putting you under contract.

Michael.

Here it is.

Sign on the front.

Here you are.

Oh, thank you.

G o od evening, Mrs. De Vries.

Good evening, Roger.

Charles.

Aunt Dolly.

S w eetheart, don't call me aunty.

Um, we should be going in.

Oh, yes.

I

m nervous. I'm going to get a drink.

I t 's that way. It's that way.

J o in us upstairs. Got your ticket?

M I CHAEL: The first stage, come on.

USHER: Sir.

MICHAEL: Thank you.

N o , no, no, no, no, no.

J U L IA: He did have the most beautiful appearance.

N o , no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

N o , that one, you silly cow. Quickly.

What are you up to?

Well, give it.

H o w was your interview with Sir Philip?

I t was like a scene out of Dickens.

He had the most dreadful cold.

He was in... In bed, inhaling.

So I...

So I said,

S hould I come back another time?"

And he said,

AVICE: "No, no."

J U LIA: I used to do that as a child.

I was very prone to colds.

I n my nose. I sneezed a good deal.

I was always inhaling

o v er steaming water and camphorated oil.

Oh, Millicent.

T h en I asked if he could help me.

A VICE: I asked if he would give me

a letter to the bank.

He lifted the towel.

H i s nose was bright red and his eyes were streaming.

He looked awful. He said,

N A "I'm afraid I have a nasty cold in my nose."

You're lying to me, Sybil.

Y o u're not putting on that cold

b e cause you've caught it from Sir Philip, haven't you?

Who wrote this balls?

J U LIA: Was it because you snuggled up beside him?

W a s it because he made a pass at you?

Tell me the truth, Sybil.

He sneezed.

Oh.

I don't think

I

ve ever heard such a sneeze, Millicent.

I t began with a monstrous intake of breath.

Wait, wait. I'll show you.

I said...

Oh, my God.

P R OMPTER: "Bless you."

"Bless you."

I said, "Bless you."

A n d he said, "I won't say thank you

a s it's meant to bring misfortune."

J U LIA: Misfortune, indeed.

J U LIA: No, now I get it!

Now I understand!

Y o u're dilly-dallying with Sir Philip and young Ben.

N o wonder you caught a cold.

Shame on you, Sybil.

Which is it to be?

The old man or the young boy?

J U L IA: Silly question, I suppose. I know which one I'd choose.

N o , no, no, no, don't you go.

S t ay exactly where you are. I haven't finished with you.

Not remotely.

I want to know.

Did he make a pass at you

or did you make a pass at him?

I

m talking about the old man now,

not the young boy.

My God, this is complicated!

God!

God, God.

J U LIA: Oh, no, no, don't cry.

N A It'll only make you more miserable!

I

ll tell you what I think happened. Huh?

S i r Philip got a little fresh with you,

didn't he?

A n d you, you, you, you couldn't resist.

I t 's rather difficult to get fresh

when you have a cold.

What did he say?

Q "Please, please,

"make an old man happy."

N a ughty, Sybil, very naughty.

T r ying to have Sir Philip on the side.

A n d I've always found it very uncomfortable

on the side.

J U LIA: I think we should punish him, don't you?

Or you.

P e rhaps we should punish you.

B u t how? That's the question. How?

Hmm?

I know. We'll tell Ben.

O h , don't pretend you've forgotten him. Ben.

B-E-N.

J U LIA: Oh, dear, have I upset you?

Never mind, Sybil.

J u st remember, all's fair in war and...

War and...

O h , hell, the word escapes me.

A U DIENCE: Bravo! Bravo!

MAN: Bravo!

You're a monster.

A w onderful, glorious monster.

I t was great! You were superb!

Sweetheart.

A real tour de force.

Yes.

D o n't change a word. Keep it just like that.

G o d, I hope... I hope I can remember what I said.

You're so naughty.

That's why you love me.

Yes.

That cow!

S h e is vile, disgusting, cruel.

She is a double-dyed bitch!

W e have a hit, Tom. A palpable hit, my boy.

I want to leave.

I n ever want to act again.

D o n't be so silly, you were wonderful.

Absolutely superb.

A n d now you're under contract.

I t 's clear the play's going to run and run.

S o you'll have the opportunity to hone your performance.

J u st think, eight shows a week for a year,

p l aying opposite Julia Lambert.

I t 'll be an experience you'll never forget.

J u st have a great time, have fun.

S No! No!

Y o u're still the greatest actress in England.

I

m going now. See you at the party.

And try not to be late.

I t 's going to be simply heavenly.

I'll be there.

Splendid.

Oh, darling.

M a gnificent. Absolutely wonderful.

♪ They asked me how I knew

♪ My true love was true

ANTOINE: Champagne, MademoiselleLambert?

No. Beer. A pint.

E v eryone here is talking about

h o w wonderful you were tonight.

Ah, thank you.

♪ Cannot be denied

T hey said someday you'll find

♪ All who love are blind

Y o ur only reality is the theater.

A n ything else, the outside world,

w h at civilians call the real world,

is nothing but fantasy.

A n d I bloody well won't let you forget it.

Rubbish.

A r e you expecting a guest?

S h all I place another plate?

No, thank you, Antoine.

I

ve decided not to go to the first-night party.

I want to dine alone tonight.

Quite alone.

♪ Yet today

♪ My love has flown away

♪ I am without

♪ My love

♪ Now laughing friends deride

♪ Tears I cannot hide

♪ So I smile and say

♪ When a lovely flame dies

♪ Smoke gets in your eyes

♪ So I chaffed them

A nd I gaily laughed to think

♪ They could doubt my love

♪ Yet today

♪ My love has flown away

♪ I am without

♪ My love

♪ Now laughing friends deride

♪ Tears I cannot hide

♪ So I smile and say

♪ When a lovely flame dies

♪ Smoke gets in your eyes ♪