Original subtitles

Stop the thief!

They fear me, Hastings. The criminals fear Hercule Poirot so much

that they have repented of their naughty ways and have become upright citizens.

Rubbish, Poirot! I'll say, look at that schooner.

Rubbish, do you say?

I don't imagine most of them have ever heard of Hercule Poirot.

You strike a man while he is down?

I wish you were right. I wouldn't mind retiring early.

Strikes me they're getting even cleverer, our criminal friends.

I had a case last week you would have liked. - At the moment I would like any case at all.

Burlington Arcade, broad daylight: a fellow walks in, pulls a gun, and steals a handful of precious stones.

- My dear Japp, that sound quite ordinary. - The good bit is still to come.

This robber hasn't gone 5 yards, when he's seized by a couple of passing citizens.

The constable marches him off to the station, and there's the stones in his pocket.

Very public-spirited police work by the worthy passers-by.

Except...

Except what, Inspector?

The stones in his pocket aren't real. He's passed the real ones to a confederate.

One of the afore-mentioned worthy citizens.

- Not bad, eh? I hope he gets 10 years. - Yes, very good.

[in French] No finesse, only boldness, though.

But, yes, not badly imagined.

You know, Hastings, sometimes I wish I was not of such moral disposition.

Would not have Hercule Poirot do better than any criminal?

He would use his grey cells.

...Would change his modus operandi with every crime.

Scotland Yard would never be able to pin me down.

To work against the law for a change!

I think it would be quite pleasing.

Imagine, every morning a new crime.

Every morning, Inspector Japp tearing his hair.

And on every street corner, the cries of the newspaper sellers:

Read all about it! Monsieur Big reveals everything!

Yes, Miss Lemon? - A lady came to see you, Mr Poirot.

- What sort of lady? - Exactly. It was hard to tell.

You couldn't see her face for the veil she was wearing. - Where is she now?

She said she had a matter of the utmost importance to consult you about,

and would you go to see her at the Athena Hotel.

- What did she call herself? - She wouldn't leave a name.

- Room number at the hotel? - She wouldn't leave a number.

Is it any wonder that my business is crumbling about my eyes?

I think I'm being watched. - Watched?

I can hardly believe that anyone can help me. But I've heard such wonderful things about you.

Perhaps you can do the impossible. - The impossible pleases me always.

Allow me to introduce my associate, Cpt Hastings.

Continue, I beg of you.

- You've heard of Lady Millicent Castle Vaughan? - The Earl of Killarney's daughter?

- I am Lady Millicent. - I'll say.

You may have read of my engagement to the Duke of Southshire.

- They say it will be the wedding of the year. - You are such an expert on the social calendar.

It's too public here.

I shall trust you.

- My word! - You're so kind.

There is a man. A horrible man. His name is Lavington.

There was a letter I wrote. I was only 16 at the time.

- To this Mr Lavington? - No. To a young man.

He was going on an expedition up the Orinoco. He never came back.

- Rotten luck. - I was very fond of him. - I understand.

It was a foolish letter. Indiscreet, but nothing more.

But there were phrases in it which might bear a different interpretation.

- So this letter has come into the hands of Mr Lavington? - Yes.

And he threatens to send it to my fianc� unless I send him an enormous amount of money.

Dirty swine!

I beg your pardon, Lady Millicent. How much is he asking?

20,000 pounds.

I doubt if I could raise a thousand even!

- And you have seen this letter? - Yes. I went to his house in Wimbledon.

He held it up for me to see. I tried to snatch it but he was too quick for me.

So where is it now?

He folded it up and put it in a little wooden box. A Chinese puzzle box.

It will be safe in there, he said.

The box itself is hidden in such a clever place that you will never find it.

- It is repugnant to me that you should pay even one penny. - Hear, hear.

The ingenuity of Hercule Poirot shall defeat your enemies.

Please, send to me this Mr Lavington.

Why should this Lavington fellow give up the letter just because we ask him to?

What a stunning girl, though!

I sometimes think, mon ami, that you are too easily stunned.

- Thank you. - Thank you, sir.

Whitehaven Mansions, please, driver.

This is interesting. Englishman mysteriously done to death in Holland.

They always say that.

Later they find he has eaten tainted fish and his death is perfectly natural.

If you're determined to look on the black side...

- He wouldn't come now, would he, Mr Poirot? - Perhaps he is frightened of us.

- I'll stay if you like. - No. Cpt Hastings and I will manage.

Goodnight, Mr Poirot, Cpt Hastings.

- Goodnight, Miss Lemon. - I hope you have a pleasant evening.

It's him! I'm sure it's him!

- Calm yourself. It's only a simple blackmailer. - There's something nasty about blackmail.

You have nothing to fear, I am sure. Please, let in Mr Lavington as you go.

Mr Lavington to see you.

So this is the famous Hercule Poirot?

It is, monsieur.

The Castle Vaughan girl said you wanted to talk to me.

- Does she think I'm going to change my mind? - Perhaps she does.

- She must think that I'm an idiot then. - Perhaps you are.

- Try me. - Very well.

- Lady Millicent does not have � 20,000 or anything like it. - Really?

Just because she's got a title, doesn't mean she's rich.

I'm sure some of her gentleman friends would be willing to oblige such a pretty woman with a loan.

Particularly if she went the right way about it.

You swine! - Hastings, please!

What an excitable office boy you have.

Lady Millicent might raise with difficulty the sum of � 5,000.

Five? You will have your little joke, won't you?

Hercule Poirot does not joke, monsieur.

Gentlemen, we don't seem to be getting much further.

I have something for sale.

Either I get my price or I don't. There's no room for bargaining.

It would appear that you are quite experienced in these matters.

All right!

I'll let the Lady Millicent off cheaply. She's such a charming girl.

- Go on! - We'll say 18,000.

-That is not so cheap. - Take it or leave it.

I'm off to Paris today. I shall be back on Tuesday.

Unless 18,000 is paid by Tuesday evening, the duke gets the letter.

A tout � l'heure, messieurs.

- I've lost him. - Mr Lavington? - He got into a cab.

- What did you want him for? - I was going to follow him, find out where he lived. - We know where he lives.

- I don't. - Lady Millicent has told us. He lives at Wimbledon.

Wimbledon is a big place. I had an aunt who lived in Wimbledon.

And an uncle. I used to go and stay there sometimes... - Buena Vista, Cedars Ave.

It is a volume packed with useful information, Hastings.

- You never think of looking for people's addresses in the telephone directory, do you? - Yes, I do.

Why did you wish to know where Mr Lavington lives?

He was so beastly the way he talked about Lady Millicent, I wanted to kick him down the stairs.

And you wanted to do it in the comfort of his own home?

No. I don't know. Something's got to be done.

Something is going to be done.

You're going to his house!

You're going to his house while he's in Paris.

You're going to his house while he's in Paris, and you're going to burgle it.

You should be 'round the side.

Tradesmen, 'round the side. You're not selling onions, are you?

Your people come over here doing that a lot.

- Mr Lavington came to see me. - He sees a good many people.

I'm not responsible for all that. I'm only the housekeeper.

And I am the locksmith. I specialize in burglarproof locks.

He didn't say anything to me about it.

But I can't say I'm surprised, the way things are around here.

- You'd better come in. - Thank you.

Wipe your feet.

It hasn't been the same around here since they started the tennis up the road.

You get all these riffraff come to watch. Very high and up, to hear them speak.

You're not safe in your own home with all these people asking directions, wanting coffee...

- I don't know where they think they are. - Indeed no, madame.

It's been beyond all since that Fred Perry won again this year.

Mr Lavington was most eager that I should fix these special locks whilst he was in Paris.

So that's where he is. I can't keep up with him.

- You get on with it, then. - Thank you.

Mr Lavington omitted to tell me your name.

-You are called Madame... - Godber.

Charming.

How come you're being a locksmith here, when you're French?

- Because I am not French, madame. - Where are you from, then?

What country is full of mountains and divided into cantons?

You're never Chinese!

Non, madame. Switzerland!

A country famous for its watches, its clocks, and its locks.

I heard about the watches. My late husband had one.

Never did him much good.

Well, I can't stand here talking. I've got to get my work done. Get home to Streatham.

- I was under the impression that you lived in. - I certainly don't.

I'm finished here at six, don't matter what.

I shall be back the same time tomorrow.

Until then, don't let anyone touch the windows, they are connected up already.

- Connected up? - To the electricity.

- I can't see any wires. - Naturally.

Use stealth. A policeman patrols every 17 minutes.

How did you do that?

Do not up on the lights. The neighbours will see.

- Anything? - No. - Me neither.

- Is Hercule Poirot to be beaten? Never! - I've searched everywhere. Even in the fruit bowl.

Let us be calm. Let us reason.

En fin! Let us employ the little grey cells.

I am an imbecile. The kitchen!

That's impossible. What about the servants? They'd be bound to come across it.

Exactly. That is just what 99 people out 100 would say.

And for that very reason the kitchen is the ideal place to choose.

En avant!

He can't have buried it under the coal.

If you would use your eyes, you would see that it is not the coal that I examine.

Officer!

Direct your light for me, Hastings!

Your knife, if you please.

- Well done. - Gently with the voice.

- Extraordinary place. Anyone might have used the logs. - In July?

And it was hidden at the bottom of the pile. Very ingenious.

I think this will be quite a tease to open.

All right, boys. The game's up.

I want you to come quietly now.

Officer, I want to explain. My friend and I are here at the request of Mr Lavington.

- It's him. He's the main one. Never mind the other one. - Mme Godber...

It makes you shiver when they use your own name.

I knew it would be him. Pretending to talk in that silly accent.

- You're coming down to the station. - Please, officer... - He told me a story about being Chinese.

- Don't you madame me. Casing the joint, that's what he was doing.

I fought him though, told him I didn't live here. I was suspicious right from the start.

Look at his shifty little eyes.

- You can always tell. - Come on. It's down the lockup for you.

- 'Morning, sir. - 'Morning.

This is looking character, isn't he?

- He hasn't been any trouble. - He's too clever for that.

- We wanted to get our hands on him for months. - ...Apart from not giving a name.

- What is his name? - This is not funny, Japp.

Nobody knows his real name.

But everyone calls him Mad Dog.

Mad Dog?

One fancy ring.

One pair of pinch nose spectacles. One...

- What is that? - My moustache comb.

Moustache comb?

- So he was one of your unnatural servants. - Just give him his things.

What I don't understand is how you got the Lavingtons out so quick.

- I only heard myself last night. - Heard what?

Lavington being murdered in Amsterdam.

- Murdered? When? - When?

- Last week, of course. - Last week?

- Last Tuesday. But you knew that. - Yes. Yes, of course.

- Good morning, Hastings. You are well? - This is impossible.

I am glad to see you looking so rested this morning.

What a turn of speed you displayed last night, what agility,

to jump through the window and to leave your friend in the soup.

If I had not managed to escape, you would have been up in front of Wimbledon beak this morning.

I didn't have a good night anyway. I couldn't sleep a wink trying to get this thing open.

- My heart goes out to you. - It's not a box at all, it's a block of wood.

- Really? - I'm usually good at anything mechanical. You try!

We should take a hammer to it.

Moment, mon ami.

Perhaps poor old Poirot can do it.

What a cracksman was lost when Poirot decided

to become the world's greatest detective.

Is that Lady Millicent's letter? You're not going to read it?

How will I be able to tell if it is the letter, if I do not read it?

First burglary, now this!

This is charmant.

It's her. Lady Millicent. She wants to see you.

- At her hotel in one hour. - She says the hotel isn't safe.

Where then?

Strange circumstances have risen which will amuse you, Hastings.

- Mr Lavington is dead. - Good heavens!

In fact, he was already dead when he came to see us on Friday.

He was your Englishman mysteriously killed in Holland.

And how did he get to London?

- It must've been someone else. - Very good, Hastings.

Mr Poirot! How wonderful!

- How did you do it? - By methods rather reprehensible.

In an operation very difficult and dangerous. Cpt Hastings was particularly valorous.

But I'm sure Mr Lavington will not prosecute.

How could I ever thank you both? Where was it hidden?

- In the Chinese box. - And the box inside a fire log.

And you've found it. You are both wonderful men.

Where is it now? The Chinese box?

The box?

I don't know.

You don't know? One could hardly lose a thing like that, surely.

- Whatever did we do with that box? - Didn't you throw it away?

- Surely not. It was so beautiful. - I remember. You put it in your pocket.

Voil�!

- There it is. Isn't it lovely! - Looks pretty ordinary. You can buy them for tuppence in Limehouse.

I would love to keep it to remind me of such a clever French gentleman.

- Belgian. - How quaint.

I had hoped you would permit me to keep it to remind me of a beautiful English lady.

I shall give you a much better souvenir on my wedding day.

You shall not find me ungrateful, Mr Poirot.

I have far more pleasure in serving you than to receive a money check.

You must permit that I retain the box.

You don't understand. I simply must have it.

I think not.

What do you mean?

Inside this box is a cavity, divided into 2 halves. Please, observe.

In the one half,

was the compromising letter,

and in the other...

The jewels from the necklace stolen in the Burlington Arcade robbery.

Precisely.

- Oh, no! - Hello, Gertie.

Goaded and nabbed!

You know each other?

Gertie runs the best tomfoolery gang in the country.

- Tomfoolery? - Jewelry.

- Does he know everything? - No.

Why did you get yourself mixed up with this Lavington, Gertie?

- Me neither. - Nasty bit of work, he was. Blackmailer and all sorts.

Don't I know it? He done the dirty on us. But it was him who gave me the idea about the job.

He found out about the jewelers from one of them poor devils he was blackmailing.

- Then he wrote himself in. - He persuaded me to let him be the civilian who grabbed hold of the shiner.

- And this shiner handed the tomfoolery over to Lavington? - That's right.

Lavington agreed to meet us in his house in Wimbledon,

but he didn't show up, the dirty crook.

I didn't know where he'd hidden the tommy

but he'd showed me before where he'd put the letter.

And so, I guessed he might have hidden the jewelry in the same place.

So you decided to call in Hercule Poirot to do your searching for you.

Well, I thought you was good.

So you put the fix on Lavington. And then your people followed him to Holland.

And that's where they killed him.

- Sorry you'll be, my lad. - We believe you got stolen museum exhibits concealed about your person.

- Quick! She's getting away! - Sapristi! Elle s'en va!

- Did you got the box? - Never mind the box, I've got the tom. Come on!

- Look at the warrant card! - You're armed!

- He's not armed. - Look at it!

We wasn't to know, was we?

- It's Lavington! - Never. That's Joey Wetherly.

Gertie got him to impersonate Lavington, after the real one was killed in Holland.

Wetherly!

Joey, I've just found one of your relations.

You're not going to get away, Joey.

Gertie, give yourself up! You're in bad company here.

-They're in here somewhere. - It is a waiting game, mon ami.

Not my way of doing things.

I'm going to have every one of these dust covers off.

- The museum will not be delighted. - I don't care.

They're here!

Go on!

- All right, Joey, come quietly. - Give yourself up, Wetherly. - Not on your life.

Come on, Gertie. Hand them over.

Sit here, Hastings!

I hope you will not again wound my feelings by saying I am unknown to the criminal classes.

- I didn't mean that, exactly. - They even employ me themselves when they don't know which way to turn.

- What do you think? - We have made a good choice. - Not bad, eh?

- I thought you'd never stop talking. - What do you think?

It's a beauty. I thought you're going to get the smaller one.

- I'd feel silly with a small one. - You're going to try it now?

Cpt Hastings has not brought it here for the good of his health.

Did you ever think of going to sea, Poirot?

No, no, my friend. This is as close as I like to get.

I used to dream about the sea.

transcribed by vanTransyl