All language subtitles for 4 - Rest In Peace, Mrs Columbo-eng

Give our sister eternal life.
We ask this in faith.

ALL: Lord, hear our prayer.

Bring our sister
to the joys of heaven.

ALL: Lord, hear our prayer.

PRIEST: Our sister was washed
clean in baptism and anointed
with the oil of salvation.

Give her fellowship
with all your saints.
We ask this in faith...

VIVIAN: Why don't you cry?
Damn it. I cried.

Oh, yes, Lieutenant, I could
give you lessons on that.

Don't you understand?

Hasn't it hit you yet?
Your precious wife
is gone for good.

Dead and gone.

And, oh, how I've waited
and prayed for this moment.

Don't worry, my dear friend.
You'll be joining her
soon enough,

but not until you've felt
the pain, the way I did.

I'm entitled to that much.

You don't know
what happened, do you?

But you'll know soon enough
because I'm going to tell you

when it's too late for you
to do anything about it.

You're stupid, Columbo,
just like Charlie was.

Poor Charlton,
he never saw it coming.

VIVIAN: I realize the
master suite isn't too big.

But the builder says the wall
to the adjoining guest room

could be knocked down
and the rooms combined.

Not too big?

Ma'am, back in Virginia,
we had a stable smaller
than that bathroom.

George, you make it sound
like we lived in a shack.

I'm beginning
to think we did.

Don't misunderstand,
Mrs. Dimitri.

Oh, the house
is gorgeous...

Isn't it?

I knew you'd love it,
even if it's a hair
above your limit.

You've got that
right, little lady.

Look, ma'am,
back in Warrenton,

we had ourselves a real fine
place on 50 prime acres.

Sold it for 1.1 million.

Now, I come out here,

and you show me
this house for 6 million.

Look, Mr. Thornwood,
I'm gonna be honest with you.

There are a couple
of properties I could
have shown you

that go for
as little as, say,

3.5, 4 million.

But you wouldn't
have been happy

with either the house
or the neighborhood.

Try me.

George, don't be
such a bore.

It took you nine years

to get out of that
dreadful city and
we are not going back.

(PHONE RINGING)

DEDE: Good afternoon.
Charlton Chambers Real Estate.

VIVIAN: Hi, Dede, is he there?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Dimitri.
He's got Abe with him.

Put me through.
I'm gonna make his day.

Oh, I hope so.

He just finished spending
an hour with Mr. Connolly

and his lawyer. Hang on.

Hi, babe, what's up?

My income,
last time I looked.

I just unloaded
the Smith place

to a couple of tourists
from back East.

(CHUCKLING)
That white elephant?
What did you get?

4.5? 5?

5.7, in writing,

with a binder for $250,000.

(CHUCKLES)

Vivian, I knew
the day I hired you,
you were a born thief.

Well, I learned
from the master.

Look, Charlie, there's some
contingencies in this deal

that I need to
discuss with you,

but I am wiped out right now.

Suppose we get together
this evening and go over them,

say, 7:30 at the office?

7:30?
It's Friday night, babe.

Everybody's out of here
by 6:00.

Besides, there's a game
at the sports arena.

Look, I've been running
on adrenaline fumes
since Tuesday afternoon.

I need a nap and a bath
before my wheels come off.

Sure, Vivian, whatever
you say. 7:30.

Incidentally, what's
new at Falcon Ridge?

Been served with
any subpoenas lately?

You got a very macabre
sense of humor, you know that?

Dede says that
Mitchell Connolly burst
into the office again.

This time with a lawyer?

Don't worry about Connolly
and those other crybabies.

They'll fade away,
they always do.
Especially that ape, Connolly.

See you tonight, kid.

Bye, Charlie.

(ON ANSWERING MACHINE)
Vivian, it's Dr. Steadman.

I was concerned when I didn't
hear from you last week.

I hope everything's all right.

I know how well
you've been coping,
but you're not superhuman.

I think you still need
support, if not from me,

then from a psychiatrist
there in Los Angeles.

(PHONE BUZZING)

Yes, Frances?

It's your real estate woman
on the phone, Mr. St. John.

Oh, thanks, I'll take it.

Vivian, I was just
thinking about you.

I've been thinking
about you all day long.

Am I gonna see you tonight?

Of course.

Oh, I was afraid your wife
might have changed her mind

about her trip to Sacramento.

Elizabeth is pathologically
dedicated to the plight

of the condor.
Why, I don't know.

Damn bird's nothing
but an overgrown vulture.

It deserves to be extinct.

Well, I have a few things
to attend to, you know,
in the office.

Suppose we make it 8:30.

Excellent. I've discovered
this wonderful little
Italian restaurant in Venice.

Not in the mood. We agreed
on the Penthouse Cafe.

Besides, I'm feeling
sentimental. Humor me, Leland.

Oh, if only you weren't
so damned persuasive.

Good!

So we'll meet at 8:30,
and over the vichyssoise,
we can discuss real estate.

Of course, darling.
Until then.

Real estate.

(DIALING)

WOMAN: Police headquarters.
Homicide Division.

Lieutenant Columbo, please.

I'm sorry,
he's not in right now.

Is he still on his vacation?
This is his dentist's office.

I understood
he would be back today.

Well, he's back,
but he doesn't report in
until tomorrow morning.

I see.
Early tomorrow morning?

Probably around 8:00. I'm sure
you can get him at home.

No, that's okay.
I'll call back tomorrow.

Thank you.

Watch the lane, you dummy!

Oh, beautiful!
Give him a free shot.

Oh! Why don't we
give him two free shots?

Losing another one,
Charlie?

(CHUCKLING) Matter of fact,
I'm up by 7. I just like
the aggravation.

Anyway, with these guys,

7 points is nothing.
How about a drink?

Sure. Rum and Coke,
for old time's sake.

Oh, you look pretty sharp,
Viv. You got a date?

It's Friday night,
Charlie.

Mind if I turn that thing off?
I like to hear myself think.

Sure, go ahead.

Rum and Coke, huh?
Mmm-hmm.

I haven't seen you drink
one of these things
since 10 years ago

when you and Pete, and
me and Rita were hitting
some of the high spots.

Some that weren't
so high, right, Viv?

I remember some
of those dives you used
to love to hang out in.

(CHUCKLES)
Is that why Rita
finally gave up on you?

She couldn't stand
the atmosphere?

Or maybe she just
got tired of her husband
hitting on her best friend.

She never knew about that,
swear to God.

Unless you told her.

Me? What for?

Well, maybe if I'd thought
you were a problem

but I never took you
that seriously, Charlton.

You were all talk then.
Like now.

Nothing changes.

What are you doing, Viv?

Biting the hand
that feeds you?

I don't deserve that crack.

I'm sorry, I forgot.

You're the guy

who rescued me
from the rubber room,
brought me back to L.A.

Put me in a nice house,
gave me a job.

Now that you mention it.

Ten years, a lot of water
under the bridge.

Rita walks out on you,

Pete leaves me... I mean,
not like he had a choice.

When the state slaps you
with 10 to 20
for manslaughter,

tosses you in San Quentin,

you don't have
a lot of options.

Now, don't
torture yourself, Viv.

Those... That part
of your life is done with.
Forget it.

Pete...

What a trip, right, Charlie?

The stock market went sour.

He couldn't pull back.
No, not Pete.

He had to dip
into his client's account.

Because of me, he said.

He promised me
nothing but the best and
he wouldn't settle for less.

Too bad his head wasn't
as big as his heart.

You know something,

he might have
gotten away with it.

You remember how
later that year
the market snapped back?

He could have replaced
his client's money,

but he never got the chance.

Somebody called his boss,

and told him
what he was doing.

Yeah, somebody in his office.

Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.

That's right, Charlie.

Isn't that what we figured?

Somebody from his office?

He didn't know that
when he killed that client,
you know,

you remember the guy who was
threatening to go to the cops?

Oh! He never should've
killed that guy, Vivian.

He shouldn't have
done a lot of things.

We all shouldn't have
done a lot of things.

Pete did a lot of
stupid things, Charlie.

But I loved him,

and he loved me and what
he did, he did for me.

Eight years he was locked up.

One or two more years and he
would have been out of there.

That prison killed him.

(CHUCKLING)

He had a heart attack.
I mean...

You know the way he ate,
he never exercised...

He was killed
by the prison, Charlie.

And the people
who put him there.

That police lieutenant,

you know the one, who
hounded him and hounded him...

Why don't we talk
about this tomorrow?

And the man who informed...

That's where it all started,
you know. With him.

I mean, you do know,
don't you, Charlie?

Of course you do.

Because you're the one
who made the phone call.

Who told you that?

You knew what he was
up against financially.

He even came to you
and asked for help
and you turned him down.

That was bad enough,

but then you had
to go and make
the lousy phone call,

all because you wanted to
get in the sack with his wife

and you figured you might
have a better chance

if he was sent off to prison.

You... You are nuts!

Look, you been, you've been
hitting the sauce, right?

You go home and sleep it off,
and tomorrow we can...

No, Charlie.
You do nothing tomorrow.

Are you crazy?
Put that gun away.

Do you know how long
I've known about this?

Ten years.

I didn't do anything
because all I wanted
was Pete out of there.

So I kept quiet.

No mess, no waves.

And after he died,

it took me a year
to snap back.

But now, Charlie,
there's nothing left
to keep you alive.

Vivian, I swear it wasn't me.

First you, then the cop.

See you in hell, Charlie.

(GRUNTING)

(EXHALES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Darling, I am sorry I'm late.

Charlie and I got wrestling
over a very difficult sale
and I lost track of time.

How late am I?

8:40. Only 10 minutes late.
For you, that's a record.

The usual, madam? Scotch
on the rocks with a twist?

No, Carlos, I think
I'll have a rum and Coke.

You've gotta be kidding.

WAITER: Oh, very good.
Call me quirky,

but I'm celebrating
a very big sale.

Leland, you are
a lovely man and that
is a very generous offer,

but no, thanks.

You don't need Chambers.

What for?

I'll supply
the investment capital

and you'll supply
the expertise.

What will your wife
think about that?

What should she think?

What we do
is our business,

on every level.

(EXHALES)

No, I couldn't
do that to Charlie.

He put me back on my feet
when I needed it the most.

I owe him too much.

Oh yeah,
what is it you owe him?

I mean, you hint around a lot.
Am I missing something?

Nothing that
really concerns you.

You know,
we've known each other,
what, about six months,

ever since you sold
Elizabeth and me the house,

but it occurs to me
that I don't know
the first thing about you.

Which is exactly
how I intend to keep it.

Now, be a dear and
order me a black coffee
and some brandy

while I powder my nose.

Waiter?
Yes, sir?

(DOOR CLOSING)

(CLICKING)

(ATM WHIRRING)

Mmm.

I was beginning
to worry about you.

Sorry, I got to chatting
with this woman

who almost listed her house
with me seven months ago,

and here it is,
seven months later,
and it's still not sold.

So, what's on the agenda?

Well, we could go back
to my place. I've got this
new tape of Sinatra oldies.

Not your place,
not your bed, Leland.

You know how
I feel about that.

Well, as a back-up, I did
reserve this rather nice room

at a motor inn
in the Palisades.

(GLASSES CLINK)

I'll follow you.

What time is it?

(SIGHING)

Almost 2:00.

Wonderful.
Hmm?

Well, where are you going?

Home.

Home?
Mmm-hmm.

The night
is young yet, darling.

Wrong, Leland.

Besides, I need my sleep.

And I'd really prefer
not to be seen leaving here
in the cold light of dawn.

It was lovely
as always, darling.

(CHUCKLES)

DEDE: Look at that poor guy.
Like a zombie.

How come things like this
happen to nice people?

His wife must have been
nice, too, the way he was
always talking about her.

I can't believe he's a cop.

The first time I saw him,
I thought he was a...

I don't know,
I wasn't sure what he was.

That was
last Saturday morning

after I found
Charlton's body.

You sure you're
all right, ma'am?

(SNIFFLING)
I'm fine, really.
Thank you, Sergeant.

Well, you just
sit tight, okay?

The lieutenant's
gonna wanna ask you
some more questions.

Right.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Well, what do you
know about that?

You got something,
Lieutenant?

This guy, Chambers,
he must know everybody.

You know who this is?
Grace Kelly.

This guy, Chambers, put
his arm around Grace Kelly.

That's not Grace Kelly.
That's Kim Novak.

You sure?
Sure, I'm sure.

Well, having your arm
around Kim Novak,
that's not bad either.

Listen, Kellerman,
did you happen
to notice that check

on the desk there?

Yeah, I know.
I saw that.

$250,000, and it
said "deposit."
Mmm-hmm.

Did I read that wrong?

No, you read that right.

When I bought my house,
you could buy the whole
block for $250,000.

The whole block.

The world's going
to hell with itself,
you know that, don't you?

I know that, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, I found
the guy's topcoat
in the closet out there.

Did you find anything
in the pockets?

No, sir. I mean,
not much. A pack of gum,
nine cents, an old Kleenex,

and this scrap of paper
with a bunch of initials
and numbers on it.

"KP-2-600, CL-,

"plus 6, 800..."

What do you think?
Some kind of combination
or something?

I don't know what it is.

BERNIE: Lieutenant,
he's all yours.

Thank you, Bernie.
Hold onto this, Sergeant.

I'll look it over later
when I got some more time.

All right.

All right...

(EXHALES)

(RUSTLING)

Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
I work here.

DEDE: It's all right,
Sergeant.

Dede, what happened?

A policeman outside
told me Charlie is dead.

Somebody killed him.

What?

Last night sometime.
Why? How?

What, did somebody
break in here?
What, was it robbery?

I don't know
anything, Mrs. Dimitri.

I just found him,
that's all.

(GASPING) Oh, God!

Oh...

Oh, Dede...

(CRYING) Oh, my God,
Dede, I should never have
left him here by himself.

Oh...

Uh, Ms. Perkins,
may I see you a minute?

(SOFTLY) Yeah.

(SNIFFLING)

When you came in the office
here this morning, ma'am,
did you touch anything?

No, sir.

It's just that all these
drawers were shut tight
except this one.

Could you tell me
if something was missing?

Well, I really
couldn't say,
Lieutenant,

until I crosscheck
with my own files.

Would you do that
for me, ma'am?

Certainly.

Do you think
it was robbery?

I don't know, ma'am.

I mean, it wasn't your
normal robbery, if that's
what you're talking about.

The man had his watch,
his ring, and over
$200 in his wallet.

Uh...

Oh...

Oh. I'm sorry, ma'am.

I wasn't thinking.
I'll just cover him up.

Well, the coroner
should be here any minute.

DEDE: Thank you.

I know that this
is difficult for you, um...

Do you know if he had
any appointments last night,

if he was expecting someone
is what I mean...

I may be the last person
who saw him alive, Officer.

Ma'am?

Mr. Chambers and
I had a meeting here
at 7:30 last night

to go over the terms
of an offer on a house
that we represent.

Oh, then you're...

Mrs. Dimitri?
The salesperson?

Vivian Dimitri, yes.

Lieutenant, if you don't mind,
I'd just as soon wait outside.

Oh, certainly, ma'am.
Yes. Go right ahead.

That's Lieutenant...

Lieutenant Columbo,
yes, ma'am, Homicide.

This is some house.

5.7 million?
Is that what that says?

That's right.

What kind of a house sells
for 5.7 million?

Must have a lot
of bedrooms.

Yes. Eight, I think.

What is it,
some kind of mansion?

Well, not exactly.

It needs a little work,
but it's in the right
neighborhood.

Needs work?

You mean it's a fixer?

Well, I wouldn't go that far.
About last night...

Oh, excuse me, ma'am...

Officer,

do we have some kind
of paper around here,
this morning's paper?

Well, I don't know, sir.
I haven't seen one.

Well, see if you
can find one.

Which paper
do you want, sir?

Any paper. Whatever
you can find.

Uh...

What was I saying?
Where were we?

About last night...
Oh, right. Last night.

Was anybody else here
with you, ma'am?

Besides Charlie?
No, we were alone.

Friday night.
Fridays we close at 6:00.

Except last night,
you came back
to go over these papers.

For a commission like this,
I'd come back at midnight
and stay till Halloween.

And how long
did you stay,
Mrs., um...

Dimitri.

Uh, Mrs. Dimitri.

Forty-five minutes.

And I assure you, Lieutenant,

when I left, Mr. Chambers
was alive and well.

So you left around 8:15.

I guess so,
give or take five minutes.

And when you left,
Mr. Chambers was
still here working?

Yes.

And when you left, ma'am,

did you lock up?

No. I assumed
Charlie would do that
when he left. Why?

Well, somebody came in
after you left, ma'am.

And if the door was locked,
Mr. Chambers would have
had to have gone

to the door to let them in.
But if it was already open,

anybody could have walked in
and surprised him.

Oh.

I see. Of course.

Would you mind telling me,
ma'am, after you left,

where did you go?

Why? Is that important?

Well, probably not, but
I'd like to keep things neat.

I told you, Lieutenant,

he was alive when I left.
I mean, where I went
is really immaterial.

Possibly so, ma'am.

I went home, Lieutenant.

To a cold supper,
a hot tub and bed.

I see.

And would your husband
be able to verify that, ma'am?

I'm a widow. I live alone.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize...

When you said
"Mrs.," I just assumed...

Okay, well,
never mind about that.

So you went home
and you went to bed,

and you stayed home
the rest of the night,
is that right?

That's right. Lieutenant,

why are you asking me
all these questions
about my whereabouts?

Do you think I killed him?

Oh, no, ma'am, no, no,
no, nothing like that.
It's just that...

You see, we found his wallet
and it had over $200 in it.

Ten $20 bills and
this receipt from one
of those automatic tellers.

You see,
this is it, here.

You see the date,
that's last night,

and the time
he withdrew the cash,

9:45. Very strange.

Oh, no,
not if you knew Charlie.

He hated walking around
without cash in his pockets.

He grew up poor.

He used to tell me that
money made him feel secure.

So he left the office,

withdrew some cash,

then he came back
to the office,

and then somebody came in.

Hmm. Yeah.

Lieutenant?

Oh, what do you say, fellas?

Whenever you're
through with him.

I'm all done.
You can take him.
We'll get out of your hair.

Why don't we go out there?

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Poor kid,
I feel sorry for her.
Yeah.

She and Charlie were
really close. He was
like a kind of uncle to her.

Well, it's too bad she
had to find him like that,
ma'am, instead of you.

Oh, she happened to mention
that you usually come in early

on Saturday
to get organized,

set up appointments,
7:00, 7:30.

Well, I usually do.

(SIGHING) But yesterday
was a very tough day,
I just overslept.

I was so tired I even
forgot to set my alarm.

Oh, perfectly
understandable, ma'am.

I'm just gonna look around
a little bit more.

It was very nice meeting you.

Oh, excuse me.
Lieutenant,

(VIVIAN SIGHS)
Here's your newspaper.

COLUMBO: Oh.

Yeah, okay...

Oh.

Okay.

Yeah. The paper?

The paper?
The little sheet of paper,

the scrap of paper.
Yes, sir.

Here.

Okay.

"8, A..."

"8, A..." Uh-huh.

"A, M..."

Uh-huh. Hmm.

You got something, sir?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I got something.

Excuse me.
Can I help you, Mac?

I certainly hope so.

This man...

Have you ever
seen him before?

Sorry, I can't
say that I have.

I think it would help, sir,
if you looked at the picture.

I don't need to look at it.
We get a lot of people in here

and I got a lousy memory.

Morning, Claude.
Morning, Cleo.

Yes, I can see that
you get a lot of transients.

Lieutenant Columbo,
from the police.

We gave at the office.

Come again?

Mr. Schneider, the owner,

he acknowledged that
everything's been
taken care of.

Been taken care of,
Lieutenant.

Oh, you mean...

No, I didn't come about that.

Oh, come on,
when are you guys gonna quit?

People come here
for a good time, okay?

You got something
against a good time?

CLAUDE: Or maybe you're
looking for a little
something on the side.

You wanna get
fixed up, is that it?

You guys are
something else.

That guy, what's
that guy's name?

You mean Joe?

Say, Lieutenant,

whatever you wanna
do about Joe,

I couldn't care less.

The guy's a swift pain
in the butt. He's always
tying up my phone.

If you ask me, he gives
this place a bad name.

Right.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me. Joe?

Yeah, I'm Joe.
Who are you?

I'm a friend of Charlton's.
Charlton Chambers,
the real estate man.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure, sure.
What can I do for you?

You wanna get something down?

Me? No, thanks.

I never bet.

Maybe once a month,
the lottery.

If you don't bet, what
do you want to see me for?

I wanna ask you
a few questions.

Questions?

What did you say
your name was?

Columbo.

Lieutenant Columbo.

And I wanna talk to you

about this.

VIVIAN: Oh, Lieutenant.
Good morning.

Good morning.
It's a beautiful day,
isn't it?

It's gorgeous.

I was just doing
some gardening.

Is there something
I can help you with?

Oh, nothing important.
Just a few questions.

Go right ahead.
I'll just tag along.

Are you sure?
I... This can wait.

No, I love flowers.
So does my wife.

She's crazy about 'em.

Does she have a garden?

Well, you couldn't
actually call it that.

Nothing like this.
More like a flower bed.

Actually, if you
wanna know the truth,

she's got a dead thumb.

A what?

A dead thumb.
That's like a green thumb,
only the other way around.

Everything she
plants, dies.

(CHUCKLING) Oh, dear.

So what happens is,
she goes out and
buys a lot of flowers.

Hey, that's okay.

Some women like
furs and jewels,
my wife likes flowers.

Well, she sounds
like a very nice woman.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

How long you been married?

Uh, let's see, 28 years
next January. Or is it 29?

I know it's not 30.
That one I'd remember.

And I'm sure
you love her very much.

Oh, that I do, ma'am.
That I do.

I wouldn't know
what to do without her.

So, Lieutenant,
you said you had questions.

Would they have anything to do
with that other policeman

who was canvassing
the neighborhood asking
questions about me?

Yes, ma'am, it does.
I have a problem,
here's what it is.

You said you left the office,

the night Mr. Chambers
was killed, around 8:15,
went straight home.

The Medical Examiner
can only guess
at the actual time of death.

After 10, 12 hours,
gets a little hard
to be specific, but,

because we know
that Mr. Chambers made
the bank withdrawal,

his death had to have occurred
sometime after 9:45...

Probably closer
to 10:00, 10:30.

The Medical Examiner said
it couldn't have been
any later than that.

What's your point,
Lieutenant?

Well, ma'am, it's just that

if you were home,
that'd be fine,

but the thing is,
we can't find anybody
who actually saw you come home

at the time that you said,

or could even verify
that you were home.

You think I killed Charlie?

Oh, no, no,
it's just procedure, ma'am.

We have to check out
the people that were
closest to the victims.

The wife, the in-laws,
and the friends.

And it's my impression
that you were as close
to Mr. Chambers as anybody.

Lieutenant,
I did not kill the man.

I had no reason
to kill the man.

I was home that night
by 8:30 or so, no matter
what my neighbors may say.

I'm sure you're right, ma'am.
I just wish I could
verify it for the record.

Look, I came home,

I put my car in the garage,
I went in the house,

I turned out all the lights
and I fell in bed.

Naturally, they may have
thought I wasn't home.

Turned out the lights
and went to sleep?

Oh, there's something
off, here.

Hold the phone, ma'am!

Here's what I wrote down.

"Mrs. Dimitri said,

"I went home to a cold supper,
a hot tub and then bed."

You must have
written it down wrong.

No, ma'am. No.

No, I don't think I did.

Look, what difference
does it make?

I don't spend my evenings

looking out my window,
spying on my neighbors.

I could have been standing
buck naked in front of
a living room window,

and that doesn't mean
somebody had to see me.

Yes, ma'am,
but there's something else.

You said you put
your car in your garage,

but actually, we found
a couple of people,

early morning joggers,
your paper boy,

who saw your car
in the driveway
that morning.

Not in the garage.

And nobody saw it
in the driveway
that night,

not at 9:00 or 10:00,
or even midnight.
Do you see my problem?

(SIGHING) Oh, God!

Ma'am?

I can't tell you.
I can't do this to him.

Do what to whom?

Ma'am, if you could
shed any light on this,
I wish you'd do so.

Okay, Lieutenant,

I didn't come
straight home that night.

I went out to dinner
with someone. A man I know.

Do we have to
drag him into this?

I have to get things straight,
ma'am, for the record.

How long did
this dinner take?

About an hour and a half.

I see. That would
make it around 10:00.

And then we went
to a hotel together.

Oh...

I see.

(CLEARS THROAT)

All right, hotel...

And we were together
until about 2:00 a.m.

Is there anything else
you need to know,
Lieutenant?

No, ma'am.
I get the picture.

I mean... Oh, yes,
there is one more thing.

The man's name.

(SIGHS)

Please, Lieutenant.

(STAMMERING)
He's a married man.

It'd be terrible
if this came out.

I appreciate that and
I don't want to cause
anybody any trouble.

But I have to have
the man's name.

(SIGHS)

PRIEST: Father,
God of all consolation,

in your unending love
and mercy for us

you turn the darkness of death
into the dawn of new life.

Show compassion to your
people in their sorrow.

Be our refuge and
our strength to lift us

from the darkness
of this grief...

LELAND: God, will this
thing ever end? I can't
believe I'm standing here.

I hardly know the man,
and I certainly don't
like him very much.

I wonder why
he asked me to come.

Maybe it was Vivian's idea.
Lord knows why.

Hello? Vivian?

LELAND: Over here, love.
Why don't you look at me?

Can't meet my eyes, can you?
No, I daresay you can't.

I suppose you're
proud of yourself.

Elizabeth is a phone call away
from filing for divorce

because you couldn't
keep your bloody mouth shut.

Oh, indeed, that was
a morning to remember.

Yeah!
Oh, nice, Leland,
what's your handicap?

Twenty going on six?

That's 50 more and
don't whine. Nobody
likes a crybaby, Jerry.

All right,
double or nothing
on the next one.

JERRY: (CHUCKLING)
Who's this, a friend of yours
or a process server?

COLUMBO: Excuse me.

Mr. St. John?
Yes?

I'm sorry
to trouble you, sir,

but I need a few minutes
of your time.

Oh, can't this wait?
I'm scheduled to tee off
in 12 minutes.

I wish it could, sir.

Look, if it's about some
traffic violation..

Uh...

It concerns a homicide, sir.

MAN ON P. A:
Mr. Clay, please report
to the pro shop.

See you on the tee, Jerry.

Do pick up
your feet, Officer.

You really shouldn't
be walking on a green
in those shoes.

Come on. Come on,
come over here.
Oh!

I'm sorry.
Come along.

Now, what's all
this all about, um...

Columbo.
Lieutenant Columbo.
Mmm.

Sir, would you
mind telling me
your whereabouts

last Friday night,
say from about
8:30 to 2:30?

Yes, I would.
It's none of your business.

That is,
unless you suspect me
of killing someone?

Uh, no, sir, I don't.
But I do need it
to verify an alibi.

(EXCLAIMS)

Vivian Dimitri?

You think she killed
Charlton Chambers?
That's impossible.

Does that mean that
you were with the lady?

I don't think
I care to answer that.

I think you just did,
but I need it
for the record.

Lieutenant, you're putting me
in a very difficult position.

I'm a married man
and my wife's sense of charity

does not extend
beyond an annual donation
to the United Way.

But this is
just routine, sir.

It's for my
information only.

(WHISPERING)
It doesn't even have
to go into the report.

MAN ON P. A: Mr. St John,
your group's up next.

Mrs. Dimitri joined me
for dinner at 8:30.

We spent the remainder
of the evening at a hotel.

She left sometime
after 2:00 a.m.

Does that satisfy you?

Perfectly, sir.
Thank you very much.

Except...
Except what?

From 8:30
until she left,

was there a time
when she was ever
out of your sight?

No.
Never?

I just told you that.

Wow, that lady must
have some constitution.

I know my wife,
she can't go anywhere,
especially to dinner...

MAN ON P. A: Last call
for the Leland group.

...without at least once
going to the ladies'...
Lieutenant...

Lieutenant, a lady's right
to go to the powder room
is a given.

But I can assure you

she wasn't away for more
than five or six minutes.

Now, will you excuse me?

Absolutely, sir,
and thank you very much.

Thank you very much.
Bye.

MAN ON P. A:
Mr. St. John, your group
is waiting on the tee.

Uh, excuse me, sir,
just one more thing,
this restaurant...

(SHUSHING)
I think she said
the Penthouse Cafe,

was that your idea?

It was a very special place
for both of us.

Frankly, I was tired
of the food

but Vivian was a
sentimentalist and insisted.

Anything else? No? Good.

If you think
of anything else,

call me tomorrow
at the office.

Right now,
I'm gonna play some golf.

Yes, sir.
And have a good game.

And thank you very much.

MAN ON P. A: We need a caddie
on the first tee.

You're eating kind of
late today, Lieutenant.

It's been that
kind of day, Gracie.

Hmm. Let me know
if you see anything moving
around in that chili.

It's from Wednesday.

Just the way I like it.

Lieutenant.
Oh, hiya, Brady.

Sir, we've got our break
on the Chambers killing.

No kidding. Sit down.
Have you had lunch yet?

Uh, no, sir.
This place makes
the greatest chili.

It's simply fantastic.

I can smell it
from here.
I'll order you a bowl.

No thanks, sir.
I'm on kind of a diet.

Lieutenant, you know
about the missing files?

Oh, right. All six belong
to families that bought houses
in that new development.

Falcon Ridge.
Falcon Ridge.

And some of them are suing
because of breach of contract?
Something like that?

Well, they were trying,
but they weren't
getting very far.

Sir, they found
the murder weapon

in an empty lot
up at Falcon Ridge.

Yeah?

Ballistics matched it
to the gun that
killed Chambers.

Well, I wouldn't be
that much surprised.

Well, it looks to me like
we've got it narrowed down

to a member of
one of those six families.

Now, I've had a couple of guys
taking statements,

Um...

The Devereauxs, home all night
watching television.

Husband and wife alibi
each other. Convenient, huh?

Then there's Amanda Bristol,
divorced, worked until 8:00,

arrived home at 8:30.

And then there's
this guy, Connolly,

the neighborhood
rabble-rouser...

Yeah, right, Brady.
You're on the ball.
I like that. All terrific.

But you're climbing
the wrong ladder.

This stuff is terrible.

Sir?

They've changed
the recipe for the chili.

Gracie, what happened?
You lost your chef?

Chef?

Ramon, the big guy. He had
one brown eye, one blue.

He went back to Mazatl�n
two months ago.

We got a new guy
back there, Heinrich.

Heinrich?
You got a guy named
Heinrich to make chili?

Keep the change. Here.

Come on, Brady,
I gotta walk this stuff off.

Thanks, Lieutenant.

My wife told me that,
that stuff was gonna
kill me someday.

I think she was right.

Sir, about those people
up on Falcon Ridge.

None of those people
killed Mr. Chambers.

They didn't?

You know the piece
of paper that you found
in Mr. Chamber's coat

and it had numbers
and letters on it?

Those were basketball bets.

No kidding.
Yeah.

"K-P," Knicks, Pistons.

"C-L," Celtics, Lakers.

"600, 800," the amount he bet.

Now, what did we find
in the victim's coat jacket?

An envelope.

With $1,400 in it.

Right? Like this one?

Alden Hotel, right?

Yes, sir.

Now, do you know
what this is?

This was the payoff
from the bookie.

The bookie works
out of the hotel lobby.

Now, at 7:00, the night
Mr. Chamber's was killed,

he goes, he collects
from this guy,

and then he goes back
to his office.
You follow me?

Yes.
Now, let me
ask you something.

You're a guy with $1,400
cash in your pocket.

How come you suddenly
leave your office at 9:30,

go to an automatic teller
and pick up another $200?

Doesn't make any sense.
It makes sense,
all right,

if you're a killer
trying to establish
a phony time of death.

Chambers didn't
make that withdrawal,

the killer did,

to make it look like
Chambers was still
alive at 9:45.

That means
he died earlier.

Much earlier.

The Medical Examiner
says it could have been
as early as 7:30, 8:00.

But he was with Mrs. Dimitri
until quarter past 8:00.

You know what I think?

I think I gotta get
something to wash out
the taste of that chili.

You want ice cream?

No, thanks.

As soon as I saw
the money, I said
to myself,

"This is a put-up job.

"Somebody's trying to hide
the time of death, and why?"

And as sure as Santa Claus
wears red BVDs,

I know somebody will have
an alibi you can't break
with a sledgehammer.

Mrs. Dimitri.

I want one of those
orange pops.

I'll tell you something else
that's interesting, Mr. Brady.

That withdrawal.

That was made
from a teller machine

in the lobby of
the Plaza Building.

That's the same building
that the lady had dinner
with her boyfriend

from 8:30
till just past 10:00.

Now, just before
they leave,

the lady goes
to the powder room.
You figure it out.

Lieutenant,
that's great!
We've got her.

Got her?
How do you figure that?

No, all I got is a theory
and a set of circumstances.

What I don't have
is anything the DA can
bring to the grand jury.

Oh!

Lieutenant?
Oh, it's all right.
It's just this tooth.

I gotta have it looked at.

Whenever I get
anything cold on it...

Oh, that's another thing.
My dentist.

Sir?

Before my wife and I
came back from the vacation,

I got a couple of calls
from my dentist's assistant.

They wanted to set up
an appointment for me

to come in
and clean my teeth.

Yeah. My dentist
does that all the time.

But you have a dentist,
Mr. Brady.
I don't have one.

Mine moved to Florida
four months ago.
I never got a new one.

So somebody,
and I'm pretty sure
it's Vivian Dimitri,

was very anxious to know
when I was going back to work.

And now, all I gotta do

is figure out why.

Since Almighty God
has called our sister
from this life to himself,

we commit her body
to the earth from
which it was made.

Ashes to ashes,
and dust to dust.

VIVIAN:
Now there are two of them
in the ground, Columbo.

Your wife, my husband.

It's been fun
watching him fumble around,
chasing down blind alleys.

I was afraid
for a while he wasn't
gonna figure out who I was,

so I made sure he did.

When the time comes,
I want him to know exactly
what's happening to him.

Who killed
his wife and why.

Just before
I kill him.

It was a private ceremony.
Cremation.

Charlie wanted it that way.

No, I never did hear
from his ex-wife.
I don't expect I will, either.

Well, for the time being
I'm running the office.
His lawyer asked me to do it.

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Look, Sid,
I've gotta run.

Try and get that
escrow into high gear
for me, will you?

Thanks.
Talk to you soon.

I hope you
don't mind, ma'am.

Ms. Perkins wasn't
at her desk.

Oh, I've got her down
at the bank getting
some loan documents.

Things are a little bit
crazy around here right now.

Yes, I can see that.

Have you found out yet
who killed Charlie?

No, ma'am,
but we're getting close.

You and Ms. Perkins,
you've been a big help.

You know those people
up at Falcon Ridge?

Those people
are very angry.

Just between you and me,
Lieutenant, I would
be very angry, too

if I'd bought
one of those houses.

I asked about Falcon Ridge
because we found what
we think is the murder weapon.

Tossed away
in a vacant lot.

I see.

Have you narrowed
down your suspects
to anyone in particular?

Because, you know,
I've done some business
with those people,

and maybe I could
give you some insight
into how they think.

Maybe something they said
in the office. In anger.

Well, thank you very,
very much,

but right now we're just
checking alibis for
the time of the murder.

You'd be surprised
how many married couples

claim they were home
together watching TV.

You try to prove that
otherwise. It's not easy.

I don't imagine
it is, Lieutenant.

Is there something else?

No, ma'am.

Well, actually,
that's not true.

I came by to extend
my belated condolences
on the death of your husband.

My husband?

Pete Garabaldi.

He was your husband,
wasn't he?

When I went through
Mr. Chambers' personal
effects at his house,

I found a lot of photos
like this one.

Your hair's
a lot different

but I'm pretty

Yeah, it's me,
all right, Lieutenant.

I was wondering how long
it was gonna take you
to recognize me.

You know what threw me off?
In those days your name was

Ann, Annie, Annie...

Annette.

Annette Garabaldi.

When I came back to L.A.,

I asked Charlie if he'd mind
if I used my maiden name
and my middle name.

I'd made a clean break
with the past.

I wanted to
keep it that way.

Well, that's perfectly
understandable, ma'am.
And like I said,

I was very sorry
when I heard about his death.

Heart attack,
wasn't it?

Pete never took
very good care of himself.

Too many calories,
too many cigarettes.

(SIGHS)

I doubt if the prison
had much to do with it.

Well, thank you
for saying that, ma'am.

Even though I arrested him,
I liked your husband.

I think he was
a decent guy.

He just got in over his head
and he did some stupid things.

Yeah.

Uh...

You were living up there,
weren't you, ma'am?
Near the prison?

Yeah. Just outside
of San Francisco.

I used to visit him
every time I got a chance.

You were under
a doctor's care, then.

A Dr. Steadman,
is that right?

Who told you about that?

It was in your personnel file.
We checked that.
It's just routine.

Of course.

Anyway, time has a way
of healing all wounds.

Last year one morning,
I woke up and I realized

it was time for me to
get on with my life.

Pete Garabaldi was dead,
so I killed Annette.

That's when I called my
old friend Charlton Chambers
and asked him for his help.

God.

Charlie was great. He just...
He didn't hesitate at all.

He was so supportive
over this last year.
He was always there for me.

I'm really sorry that I never
got a chance to say thank you.

Well, isn't that
part of life, too, ma'am?

Missed opportunities.

Why is it that we never
appreciate our loved ones
until it's too late?

That can't be true
about you and your wife.

I mean, the way you
talk about that woman,

she must realize
how devoted you are to her.

Well, I try.

We never had children,
I'm sorry to say,
but we had each other.

And I suppose that
makes me a very lucky man.

I'd love to meet her.

The missus?
Mmm-hmm.

Yeah? Well, why not?

Sounds like a great idea if
I could ever get it together.

This woman's schedule, I mean,
you wouldn't believe it.

It's between the church
and between volunteering
at the hospital

and watching her sister
Ruth's kids,

walks the dog
five times a day...

How about dinner one evening?

Why don't I talk to her
about it?

Uh...

Oh, gee, here I am,
I'm taking up all your time.

Don't be silly.
No, no.

No, you're busy
and so am I.

Anyway, I gotta get down
to headquarters. Help trace
the ownership of that gun.

So far,
it's a dead end.

It wasn't registered?

No, ma'am.
Cold as an ice cube.

Again, my sincerest
condolences at the loss
of your husband.

Thank you very much,
Lieutenant,
that's very kind.

And as far as your
invitation is concerned,

I think I'm gonna
take you up on that.

To chat about those people
up at Falcon Ridge.

Between you and me,

I think one of them
killed Mr. Chambers.

There's no question
in my mind.

And I just want you to know
that I'm not gonna rest until
I find the one that did it.

Maybe that's the least
the both of us can do.

Anytime.

Right.

(PHONE RINGING)

VIVIAN ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hello. Sorry, I'm not in
to answer the phone.

Leave a message at the beep

and I'll get back to you.

(BEEPS)

LELAND: Vivian,
pick up the phone.

I know you're there.
I need to talk to you.

Damn it, Vivian, do I have to
come around and pound on
your door? You know I will.

I need to speak to you.
Now, please pick up.

Go away, Leland.

LELAND: There you are.

I don't want to speak to you.

Oh, but you had no
problem speaking to the
police lieutenant, did you?

VIVIAN: Well, I didn't
really have a choice.

Leland, I'm very tired and...

Please be quiet for a minute.
She knows, Vivian.

Elizabeth knows.

She confronted me.
What did you tell her?

What could I?

I tried to minimize it.
Said I'd been drinking

and it was a fleeting thing,
totally unexpected.

Oh, Leland,
darling, you are such
an accomplished liar.

Oh, am I? Maybe that's why
she's walked out on me.

Vivian, you've gotta talk
to her, you've gotta
back me on this.

On what?

My darling, you know
how I feel about you.

I am deeply and desperately
in love with you

and that is exactly
what I plan to tell her
if she phones me.

Please don't call again.

(DIAL TONE)

(ROMANTIC LOUNGE
MUSIC PLAYING)

Pete.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

VIVIAN: Oh, Lieutenant,
good morning.

Oh, good morning, ma'am.

I tried the front door.
Maybe you didn't
hear the bell.

That bell hasn't worked
since I moved in here.

Never seem to have time
to get it fixed.
Please, come on in.

Thank you. I won't take up
much of your time.

Oh, don't be silly.

I was just having
some breakfast.
Will you join me?

Oh, no, thank you very much,
ma'am. I already ate.

How about some
coffee, then?

Actually, that
sounds pretty good.
Sit down.

So, you're up and about
pretty early this morning.

Yeah, I've been going
since 6:00.

You gotta stay
on top of these things.

You see, the more time
that passes, the colder
the trail gets.

And believe me,
this trail is getting
very cold, very fast.

Yesterday, I spent the day
talking to those people
at Falcon Ridge.

Oh, yes. I heard you
brought Mitchell Connolly
in for questioning.

The man has quite a temper.

About a week ago, he stormed
into the office. I thought he
was gonna kill Charlie.

That's a terrible
thing to say.

Well, he wasn't too happy
with me, either.

When I asked him
about Friday night,
he said he was home alone

while his wife was out
playing mahjong
until around midnight.

Well if I was married
to Mitchell Connolly,
I would be out all night, too.

Her problem is she didn't
divorce him years ago,
when they lived in Reno.

(SIGHS)

Some women are
gluttons for punishment.

Here. English muffin.
Try it.

Oh, no, really.
Thank you.

No, it's delicious with
this lemon marmalade.

Lemon marmalade?
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, I thought they
made this with oranges.

Oh, they do.
And lemons, too.

It's English,
it's very, very good.

You know who would love this?
My wife. That woman is
crazy about marmalade.

Me, I can't stand the stuff.
Got too many bumps in it.

I like that nice
raspberry jam,
maybe boysenberry.

Well, your wife is a
very discerning woman.
Here, have a bite.

Oh, no. Thanks anyhow.

About this Connolly guy,
I was wondering,

maybe you could help me.

Maybe there's something
in that missing file
that could be a lead.

Not that I know of.

Actually, it was
Charlie's sale. I only know
about Connolly by reputation.

See what I mean?
Blank walls.

Well, I won't be bothering
you anymore, ma'am.
Thank you very much.

Okay, I gotta go
back up to Falcon Ridge,

see whether I can
put this together.

Lieutenant. When do I get
to meet your wonderful wife?

Oh, I'm working on that.

Why do I have
a hard time believing you?

Look, I would love to
call her personally,

but your phone number's
not listed.

Ah, yes, ma'am.
Department policy.

For the same reason that
the Motor Vehicle people

won't give out
a police officer's
home address.

Too many fruitcakes
running around. But...

I'll be in touch,
I promise.

Meanwhile, I gotta
get back to work.

Bye, Lieutenant.

VIVIAN: Call me.

You find something,
Lieutenant?

Yeah. A dime.
A dime?

One of those
old silver ones.

This is real silver.
Look at the date. 1959.

I bet you that's worth 40,
maybe 50 cents.

Your lucky day.

If all I find
is a dime,

it is definitely
not my lucky day.

Any more luck
with those neighbors?

A couple of them
were out of town,

the rest of them were
asleep before midnight.

If you're right
and Mrs. Dimitri
did drive up here

after she left
Leland St. John,

nobody saw her.

She drives up the street,
she opens the window,
she heaves out the gun.

She doesn't even
have to get out
of the car.

She's here 30 seconds,
maybe a minute, tops,

and she's gone
without a trace.

Did you ever think,
Lieutenant, that maybe
you got it wrong?

Maybe it wasn't her?
Maybe it was one of
these people up here?

No, Sergeant,
I never thought that.

Did I tell you
I talked to
the security guy?

What security guy?

A private company. The guy
cruises around every night,
checking things out.

On the night of the murder,

he drives by the real estate
agency at 10:00 and at 2:00.

That's his schedule.
He see anything?

Not a thing. The office
is quiet and dark.

So?

So when Dede Perkins,
the receptionist,

finds Mr. Chambers dead
the following morning,

the lights are on,
three lamps, two overheads.

That's right.

Which is how it
should have been

if somebody from the outside
came in, confronted Chambers,

shot him,
rifled the files
and ran out.

A person in that
kind of hurry would not
stop and turn off the lights.

Makes sense to me.

I asked the
security guy, I said,

"What if you'd come by
and the lights were on?"

"What would you have done?"

He said, "I'd do what I
always do that late at night.

"I'd go inside and check."

I get it. So Mrs. Dimitri
killed him,

turned off the lights
so nobody'd check the offices,

then she came back later,
put the phony bank
receipt in his wallet

and took off,
leaving the lights on.

Now you're thinking.

The problem is,
it doesn't prove anything.

Nothing so far
proves anything.

(SIGHS)

BRADY: Lieutenant.

She's coming over here.
Okay, Sergeant, here's
what I want you to do,

I want you to nod
your head a lot and
keep saying, "Yes, sir."

Why, sir?

Not "Why, sir?"
"Yes, sir."

And pardon my tone of voice.

Yes, sir.

COLUMBO: You got that?
Yes, sir.

What do you mean, you can't
get a straight answer
out of these people?

Look, Sergeant, I don't
care if we have to spend
another month up here,

we're gonna get cooperation,
you got that?

Yes, sir.

Now, you go back and speak
to those people again,
especially this guy Connolly.

If he won't cooperate,
take him down to
headquarters again.

Yes, sir.

All right,
talk to you later.

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry.

The one thing I hate to
do is lose my temper,
but the Sergeant,

I don't think all
his switches are working.

Well, sometimes if you want
something done right,
you have to do it yourself.

Guess you have
the same problem
in your business.

Oh, it comes with the
territory. So, does this mean
things aren't going very well?

Nobody knows anything,
nobody saw anything.

What can I do
for you, ma'am?

Not a thing.
And I'm late for a client.

I brought you this,
Lieutenant.

Well, actually,
it's for your wife.

I picked it up
on the way over.

Oh, that's very nice.

You didn't have to do that.

Don't be silly.
It's nothing.

I think she'll
really enjoy it.

You tell her
it tastes delicious
on an English muffin.

I'll do that.

And I penciled in dinner
for the three of us
on Saturday night.

You don't work on
Saturday night, do you,
Lieutenant?

Not if I can help it,
but in this business,
you never know.

Well, I'm counting on you.
I'll call you later in
the week to confirm, okay?

And thank you very much.
She'll get a kick out of this.

(ENGINE STARTING)

Got it. Lieutenant.

That was headquarters.
A call just came in for you.

A guy named Steadman,
returning your phone call.

He left a number
where you can reach him.

Thank you.
Yeah.

I'm looking for
a Dr. Steadman.
Ah, over there.

Dr. Steadman?
Yes?

Lieutenant Columbo, LAPD.
We spoke on the phone.

You're a long way
from Los Angeles,
Lieutenant.

I wonder if you'd mind,
sir, I do have to ask
you a few questions.

Lieutenant, I thought
I made it clear,

there's nothing I can tell you
about Vivian Dimitri.

You did, sir,
and I wouldn't bother you
except it's so important.

Do you mind if I sit down?
Thank you very much.

I've been on my feet since
6:00 this morning.

Lieutenant, I am
trying to eat my dinner.

Oh, don't let me
stop you, sir.

Excuse me, Dr. Steadman,
is there some problem?

No, no problem at all.
Lieutenant Columbo,
Police Department.

I just have to ask
the doc a few questions
and we thought

we'd get it out of the way
over dinner instead of

having him spend all night
in the police headquarters.

I know how busy
you must be, sir.

Perhaps the lieutenant
would like to see a menu.

That won't be necessary, sir.

I'll just have a BLT
on white toast
and a cream soda.

One Embarcadero, garni.

Thank you very much.

What are they? Snails?

Escargot, dipped
in garlic butter.
The flavor is fantastic.

Oh, garlic!
That's what I smelled.
What's it for?

To kill the taste
of the snails?

Lieutenant, can we make
this as quick and as
painless as possible?

A man named Charlton
Chambers is dead.

I have reason to
believe that Vivian
Dimitri killed him.

Ten years ago, Chambers tipped
a stock broker to the fact

that one of his employees,
Mrs. Dimitri's husband,
Pete Garabaldi,

had embezzled funds
from his clients.

Although that fact was not
known to the world,

it is my guess that
Mrs. Dimitri found out
about it.

And last Friday night,
she evened the score.

Lieutenant, if you expect me
to make a comment on that,
you have a long wait.

For me to divulge what
Vivian Dimitri may or
may not have revealed to me

would be a violation
of a trust.

Thank you.

Ah, a small mariner's salad.

You're gonna have to
forgive me, sir,

but here I am,
I'm talking about murder,

and from this side of the
table, it looks like you don't
care one way or the other

that this woman shot down
an unarmed man in cold blood.

Lieutenant...
If I understand correctly,

you're trying to get me
to confirm your suspicion

that Vivian Dimitri
may have murdered

Charlton Chambers
out of revenge.

If that were true,
and I'm not saying
it is, Lieutenant,

such an obsession
might not end with Chambers.

He is, after all,
not the man who put her
late husband behind bars.

You knew who I was
when I called you.
She mentioned my name.

I can't comment on that.

Mrs. Dimitri has asked
a lot of questions
about my wife.

A lot of questions
about her, sir.

She even wants to meet her.

I'm afraid that would
not be a good idea.

When you say that
that won't be a good idea...

I mean, it would
not be a good idea.

The other night,
I took a couple of books
out of the library.

Mental disorders,
psychotic behavior,
that kind of thing.

I found a case history.

A woman who felt that
someone's actions led to
the death of her husband.

But her obsession for revenge
didn't focus on the person
that was responsible for it,

but on that person's wife.

Would you say
that was unusual, sir?

Not at all, Lieutenant.

In extreme cases,
such a fixation is common.

You rob me of my husband,
I rob you of your wife.

In this example, sir...
Well, it seemed to me
pretty dumb.

I mean, the woman couldn't
expect to get away with it.

I'm sure she
didn't expect to.

On the contrary,
I imagine she would have
gone out of her way

to make sure the man knew
that she had been responsible.

Even if she had
to spend the rest of
her life in prison?

She wouldn't care
very much about that.

WAITER: Your Embarcadero, sir.

Garni.

Oh, excuse me,
I just ordered a BLT.
What's all this?

That's garni, sir.
Oh.

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm not feeling too hungry.

Maybe you could
put this in a doggy bag,
and I'll eat it on the plane.

Of course, sir.

Thank you.
Just the sandwich.

The garni...
You can keep the garni.

Thank you, Doctor.
You've been a very big help.

Hey, Lieutenant,
the woman you described,

from that case history
you found in that book.

If she did exact her revenge,

she would have to make sure
her victim knew that
she was responsible.

Otherwise, where is
the satisfaction?

Do you follow me?

Oh, yes, sir.

Yes. I follow you perfectly.

(ENGINE BACKFIRING)

Morning, ma'am.

Good morning, Lieutenant.

Your office told me
I could find you here.

Wow, this is some place.

This must have, what,
five, six bedrooms?
Eight.

Why would anybody wanna sell
a place like this?

The owners wanna move
up a notch or two.

Up? Up from this?

My whole house could fit
in here. A couple times.

Well, you wanna
know the truth,

the plumbing's terrible,
the roof leaks and all for
$6.2 million.

How many zeroes
is that?
Too many.

So, what can I do
for you, Lieutenant?

Not a thing, ma'am.
I just came by to
put your mind at ease

about Mitchell Connolly.

You arrested him?

It's just a
matter of time.

We ran a check on him,

found out he's got
a felony conviction
for assault,

probation, suspended sentence.
That was a few years ago.

Now, I realize that assault
is not the same as murder...

VIVIAN: That is definitely
scary. I guess you can
never tell about people.

You know,
I'm surprised
you're surprised.

Oh?

It was in the file.

What?

The felony conviction.

The bank picked it up
when they checked
on his background.

Really?

The pond needs to be drained.
Let's clean it and
check it for leaks.

Actually, Charlie handled
that sale personally,

a couple of months
before I came to work.

It's funny, he
never mentioned it.

Yes, that is odd.

Maybe that's why
Connolly took the file
and destroyed it.

He destroyed it?

Well, it would've been
dumb of him if he hadn't

and I've never thought of
Mitchell Connolly as dumb.

Then you never actually
read Connolly's file?

I have my hands full
reading the files
I get commissions on.

We've got a broken window
in the master bedroom.
We've got to fix that.

Where did I get the idea
that you read the file?

I don't know.

I know where
I went off.

The assault happened in Reno,
Reno was written in the file,

and the other morning,
you mentioned to me that

the Connollys used
to live in Reno.

So I must've thought
that's where you
got that information.

From the file.

No.

(SIGHS)

As a matter of fact,

Connolly came into
the office one day
to see Charlie

and we got talking
about blackjack.

I was going to Vegas
for the weekend,

I think that's when
he told me he that
he used to live in Reno.

Oh, I see. Well,
that explains it.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(HORN HONKING)

Oh, the way
that kid drives.

One of these days,
I'm gonna give
him a ticket.

Lieutenant...
Sergeant, you take
care of your car

and it will
take care of you.

Lieutenant, you have to
come with me right away.

It's your wife.
They've taken her
to the hospital.

What? What happened?

BRADY: I don't know.
A neighbor found her
on the kitchen floor.

Is she all right?
Well, I don't know.

They told me to
find you, that's all.

COLUMBO: You drive.
Yes, sir.

I'll be back
for my car later.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

PRIEST: By dying, you opened
the gates of life for those
who believe in you.

Do not let our sister
be parted from you,

but by your glorious power
give her light,

joy and peace in heaven
where you live
forever and ever.

ALL: Amen.

Give her eternal rest,
O Lord,

and may your light
shine on her forever.

ALL: Amen.

MAN 1: I'm terribly sorry.
COLUMBO: Thank you.

MAN 2: So sorry.

COLUMBO: Thank you for coming.

WOMAN: We're so
terribly sorry.

COLUMBO: Thank you very much.

WOMAN: She's gonna be missed.

COLUMBO: Yes, I know.

I'm sorry. I...

I wish I had the words,
Lieutenant. I don't.

Her mother's
still alive, 82.

Her grandmother died, 90.
How do you figure?

I don't know, do you
have plans? 'Cause, I mean,
I don't wanna impose,

but could you come back
to the house with me?

Certainly.

I don't want a lot of
people around. I just
wanna talk. I don't know.

You've been through this.

So if I start to babble
like a lunatic, you'll
be able to understand.

Yes, yes.
Uh...

Could I drive with you?
I've had enough of
this thing for one day.

Well, of course.

Okay, I'm gonna go
with the lady, here.

There you are.
Thank you, sir.

VIVIAN: You know,
I never found out.

What exactly
did she die of?
Um...

A heart attack. I mean,
it's crazy. I never even
knew she had a problem.

(TIRES SCREECHING)
Columbo!

Well, what
do you say, Benny?

Look, sorry I didn't
make it earlier

but they had me out
at 5:30 this morning.

I understand, Ben,
no problem.

Look, I don't know if this is
important, but we got a call
from the Coroner's office

and they wanna
delay the burial.

COLUMBO: What for?

I don't know.
Maybe they found
something in the autopsy.

All I know is
what they told me.

Right, sure.

Listen, I gotta go home,
so I'm going home, Ben.

If you find out what that's
all about, let me know.

Oh, yeah, sure.

(ENGINE STARTING)

Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
Just some red tape.

Something like that.
Let's get out of here.

(DOOR OPENING)

I know it doesn't
seem like much,

I mean, with
all the fancy houses
you see every day...

Don't be silly.
This is lovely. This is
very warm and homey.

Well, at least
it's neat.

Last night,
I spent five hours
cleaning the place.

Not that it needed it.

My wife was a
very tidy person.

But, you know,
I'll tell you the truth,
I was going crazy.

I started washing the walls.

You know what I did
when Pete died?

Polished silver.

Three nights straight,
till daybreak,
over and over and over.

Funny, the only silver
we had we'd been given
as wedding presents

and I remember
who gave us each piece.

I wonder if I should
feed these fish again.

I read somewhere
if you feed them
too much, they die.

You know, my wife,
she kept these fish
almost three years.

I'll be lucky to
keep them three days.

It hurts, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, very much.

But they say after
a while you get over it.

Don't count on that.

I still can't get used to
the idea of being alone.

Maybe you'll be luckier.

You hungry?
What?

I've been up
since 3:00.

I suddenly realized
I didn't eat anything
since yesterday afternoon.

You want breakfast?

No, no thanks.

Hey, this is crazy.
I gotta eat.

Come on, I'll fix you
a cup of coffee.

(DISHES CLATTERING)

Your wife was
a very attractive woman.

You met her?

No, that's a picture of her
on the piano, isn't it?

Oh, right.

Do you play?

Me? No.

But she did.

Not very well, either.

I never told her that.

She was crazy about Chopin.

I think if Chopin
ever heard her play,
he'd turn over in his grave.

This was made this morning
but I think it's still okay.

You want milk?
No.

Sugar?
Black is just fine.

That's the way I like it.

Hot, strong and black.

Plenty of caffeine.

None of that decaf
stuff for me.

Say, did I tell you
about Mitchell Connolly?

No, what about him?

The DA thinks
we've got a case.

He's getting ready
to press charges.
Oh.

That's wonderful.

Of course, it's
mostly circumstantial.

We hope the guy will
crack, try for a plea.

Maybe second-degree
or manslaughter.

I figure something's better
than nothing, especially
with what we got.

That's wonderful.
Congratulations.

Who, me? I didn't do anything.
This one was simple.

Do you ever
have second thoughts?

About what?

I don't know.
Worrying maybe you
might've made a mistake.

Well, I'm not the judge
or the jury or even the DA.

I investigate,
I make arrests.

I don't pass judgments.
That's not my job.

Oh.

Looks like my wife
already tasted some of this.

I'm gonna try
some myself.

My wife used to
kid me about that.

She said I had
a closed mind.

You know, the movies,
music, books.

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm a Gary Cooper type of guy.

I like Gary Cooper,
I like Louis Armstrong
and Mark Twain.

But I gotta change that.

I gotta open
myself up to more.

You sure you don't
want a piece?

This marmalade,
it was your idea.

Mmm, no thank you,
I really am not hungry.

Lieutenant.

What's the matter?

Maybe I will have
some more coffee.

No, no, no. Stay there,
I'll get it.

There's only one thing
I don't get. And I'll
admit, it's bothering me.

Why did Connolly toss that gun
so close to the house?

That was a very
stupid thing to do.

You know, this stuff
is pretty good.

Show you what
I've been missing.

Me and my closed mind.

Doesn't that come
with the job, Columbo?

A policeman needs a narrow,
straight-ahead mentality.

You know, no room for motive
or extenuating circumstances.

Well, ma'am, when it comes
to first-degree murder,

my feeling is, there are no
extenuating circumstances.

Maybe you've never been
desperate or frightened.

There are men who will go
to any lengths just to
protect the people they love.

My husband was like that,
believe me.

It's getting very warm
in here, isn't it?

See, he wanted
the judge to understand,

he tried to explain
to him that...

Well, the judge
did understand, ma'am.

That's why your husband
got a reduced sentence.

Because he was
mentally unstable.

My husband was not
mentally unstable!

You have got no right
to say that!

Well, excuse me, ma'am,

I mean, this is
not my judgment,

I'm just bringing out
what was in the trial.

It's getting very
warm in here, I...

I think I'm gonna
turn down that thermostat.

That judge was a sick,
prejudiced old man.

I hated the sight of him,

I hated the sound
of his voice.

(PHONE RINGING)

Oh, excuse me.

Columbo.

Oh, hi, Benny.

What?

Poison?

What kind of poison?

What are you
talking about?

I am listening.

Well, do that.

That's crazy.

What is it?

The Coroner's office.
They made additional tests.

Don't ask me the names.
Very complicated long names.

They found evidence
of poison.

Did they?
What kind of poison?

Something very unusual.

(SIGHS)

How could she be poisoned?

It doesn't make
any sense.

No sense? Really?

Oh, Columbo, you are blind.
You are so blind.

(LAUGHS)

You really don't
get it, do you? Hmm?

I'm sorry, ma'am,
you've lost me.

Well, then let me help you
back on the trail.

The poison.
You wanna know
the name of it?

I'm not sure I can spell it.
I know I can't pronounce it.

But I researched it for weeks
just to find the right thing.

It had to be perfect.

What are you saying?
You poisoned my wife?

Why?
Why?

For the same reason that
I killed Charlie Chambers.

Retribution, Columbo.

A balancing of the books.

You killed Mr. Chambers?
No, no, no.

No, that's not possible.

Would you like me to
tell you how I did it?

Ma'am, I have to warn you
not to say anything.

Until I talk to a lawyer?
Oh, I have that little
speech memorized.

I know that one by heart.

It got burnt into my memory
over the last 10 years.

Are you telling me
that Leland St. John lied
to give you an alibi?

No.

Charlie was dead before
I had dinner with Leland.

The ATM withdrawal.

I did that using
Charlie's code.

Charlie let me use
his card all the time,
whenever I needed cash.

Ma'am, is this some
kind of confession?

You're forgetting,
I'm still a police officer.

But you won't be for long.

In a little while,
the phone is gonna ring.

And it'll be your
friend Benny again

with some more information
from the Coroner's office.

Only this time,

you won't be able to
answer the phone, Columbo,
because you'll be dead.

Lying right here
on your kitchen floor.

I don't think so, ma'am.

You see, this is
not my kitchen floor.

What?

I said, "This is
not my kitchen floor."

And this is not my house.

This belongs to
my friend, Sergeant Brady.

Sergeant.

Did you get all that?
Yes, sir.

I would have done this
at my house, but...

My wife's got a
bad case of the flu,
I didn't wanna disturb her.

Your wife is alive?

COLUMBO: Oh, yes, ma'am.

VIVIAN: But the funeral
at the cemetery. I saw...

What you saw were
a lot of my friends,

other policemen,
their wives...

Oh, and by the way,

this marmalade is not
the marmalade you gave
me the other day.

This one, I bought myself.

The other jar...

As soon as
you gave it to me,

I took it right down to
the forensic lab and had
them analyze the contents.

VIVIAN: Then...

Then you knew all along.

COLUMBO: Yes, ma'am. I did.

I want to tell you that...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that your
husband died and
I'm sorry for your grief.

And maybe there was
another way to do this,

but if there is,
I don't know what it was.

But there is no way that
you are going to walk away

from Mr. Chamber's murder.

Besides which, you wanted
to kill my wife and you
would have killed me.

I take that very personally.

You bastard.

(SOBBING)

Hi, it's me.
How're you feeling?

Gee, you sound awful.
You getting any sleep?

That's crazy. Who cares if
Nurse Wilson is running off
with the gardener's son?

Excuse me,
the pool man's son.

Listen if you miss a day
on the soap opera,
you can catch up.

No, honest. Believe me,
they write them that way.

Get some sleep.

I'll grab a bite at the diner.
Get some sleep.

Okay.

Yeah, that's good.
Just get some sleep.

Oh, and tell your sister,
Rita, I got her picture.
She can pick it up tonight.

And when you're better,
you and me, we're gonna
go to a photographer

and we're gonna have a
decent picture of you taken.

What do you mean,
you take lousy pictures?
How do you know?

You never had
a picture taken.

We can do it both ways.
You do one with a hat,

you do one without a hat.

Can we discuss this later?

Take your medicine
and go to sleep.

I'm hanging up now.

I love you, too.