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00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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00:02:19,770 --> 00:02:23,530
Morning, Corporal.
Any word on our toy soldiers?
3
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,930
Not a one, sir.
The shop still insists
they've been shipped.
4
00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:30,380
The deed'll never get done
with just the books.
5
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,210
At least I've got them
sorted out.
6
00:02:32,810 --> 00:02:34,940
I'll be out at the camp
until noon.
7
00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:37,450
After that, at the Foundation.
Let me know
if the soldiers show up.
8
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,210
Not much of a surprise
for the general,
9
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,690
not if they don't
get here by tonight.
10
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,690
It'll take me hours
to set those things up.
11
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,280
The general's office
is off limits until
his party.
12
00:02:46,390 --> 00:02:49,920
I've got it locked off,
for all the good that'll do us
without any soldiers.
13
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,430
Right, sir.
We'll keep our
fingers crossed.
14
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,170
Oh, yes, Corporal.
Wish us both luck.
15
00:02:57,170 --> 00:02:59,800
You people haven't
seen much of me,
16
00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:01,870
but I know all about you.
17
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,180
I know that if you wanted
to learn close-order drill
18
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,010
you'd have joined
a marching band,
19
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,280
and not the First Foundation
training battalion.
20
00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:10,610
You've spent two weeks
of your lives
21
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,480
and a lot of your
very good money
22
00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:15,550
Iearning to fight and kill
like professionals.
23
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,980
Tomorrow, Sergeant Major
Keegan and his trainers
24
00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:24,060
will send you home tough,
confident and capable.
25
00:03:25,170 --> 00:03:28,470
Someday your capability
will be this country's
first line of defense
26
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:30,400
against our enemies.
27
00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:34,500
Some of those enemies
have seen fit to deprive us
of a draft army,
28
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,330
a trained body
of citizens,
29
00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:39,540
ready to guard our families
and our way of life.
30
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,340
Now, by your
personal sacrifices,
31
00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:44,880
you have embraced
that responsibility.
32
00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:49,490
Tonight's maneuvers
will be your last
formal exercise.
33
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:54,320
After that, I expect you
to live what you've learned.
34
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:57,060
General Padget
is proud of you.
35
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:58,990
I'm proud of you.
36
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,870
Soldiers, I salute you.
37
00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:04,670
(ALL CHEER)
38
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,170
(SOLDlERS CHANTlNG
MlLlTARY CADENCE)
39
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,790
How much longer
are you gonna keep
making that phony
40
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:30,390
bugle-boy speech
to the troops?
41
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:33,460
Fine body of men
you're turning out there.
42
00:04:34,740 --> 00:04:36,500
Well, I don't
like this job.
43
00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:40,370
I hated dumb duty when I was
in the army, and I don't
like it any better now.
44
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:44,300
You never drew
this kind of pay
for real soldiering.
45
00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:46,710
Neither did you, Frank.
46
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:52,280
Now, you don't mind
me calling you Frank,
do you, Colonel, huh?
47
00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:55,760
It's fair, Lester.
We've been around
a few blocks together.
48
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,720
Yeah, that's true,
that's true.
49
00:04:57,790 --> 00:05:00,120
Now you're running
this foundation here,
50
00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:03,100
and you're working
for the old general,
I'm working for you.
51
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:07,760
Only the general, he...
He doesn't trust you
all that much anymore.
52
00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:13,200
Turns out he
likes me better.
Cheers.
53
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,510
Is that a fact, Lester?
54
00:05:18,010 --> 00:05:21,710
You know, the general
thinks you're holding out
on him, Frank.
55
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:25,880
Some operation called, uh,
Special Projects Fund.
56
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,550
Did you ever hear
of the Special Projects Fund?
57
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:33,820
That's Foundation business.
It's got nothing to do
with the training battalion.
58
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:37,560
Well, Frank, that's exactly
what I told General Padget
59
00:05:37,630 --> 00:05:39,730
when he asked me
to look into this for him.
60
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:44,640
But how in the hell am l
going to find out anything
that high and fancy,
61
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:49,170
unless I talk to some
of my old army brothers
in the Pentagon?
62
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,640
Which I did.
Just top-kick non-coms.
63
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:57,120
What the hell,
close enough to the bone.
64
00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:00,020
And you know
what I found out?
65
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:03,320
I have a feeling
you're gonna tell me, Lester.
66
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:05,950
You're using
the general's foundation
67
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:09,520
to do things
that they put people
in jail for.
68
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:13,700
Then you're cutting out
a nice slice of cash
for yourself.
69
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,760
But, Frank, listen,
70
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,830
I don't have
the slightest intention
of blabbing any of this
71
00:06:18,910 --> 00:06:20,740
to General Padget.
72
00:06:21,010 --> 00:06:23,810
Not after what you and l
have been through. Mmm-mmm.
73
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:28,340
I appreciate that, Lester.
74
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,650
Oh, thanks
for the use of the room.
75
00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:37,560
Of course I had to do
a little recon job for myself.
76
00:06:38,860 --> 00:06:42,820
So I can tell you
that I also know who
you've been sleeping with.
77
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:49,900
Sergeant Major Keegan,
you seem to have a great deal
on your mind.
78
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:54,030
Well, Frank, you see,
I got this idea
in my head
79
00:06:54,110 --> 00:06:58,910
that if the Foundation's
got money for you,
you've got money for me.
80
00:07:00,310 --> 00:07:02,310
What do you say,
partner?
81
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:06,620
It's the old
army game, Lester.
82
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,350
All those black phone calls
you've been making.
83
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,390
You call your friends,
they call you.
84
00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:15,050
They pump their friends,
their friends call me.
85
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:17,150
And round and round it goes.
86
00:07:17,230 --> 00:07:20,930
So I guess I'm about
three points ahead of you
on this.
87
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:24,360
As for whom I may or may not
be sleeping with,
88
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:28,210
I've noticed you've
been following me around
here and there.
89
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,680
Lester, you don't do that
very well, so I know
all about that, too.
90
00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:35,610
So what are we
gonna do about all this?
91
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,410
We're gonna
take care of each other,
92
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:42,250
so long as neither one of us
gets greedy.
93
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,590
Starting when?
94
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:47,990
Give me a couple of days
to bring you an offer.
95
00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:53,160
Old battle comrades never die,
they just get rich together.
96
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,600
No hard feelings, Frank?
97
00:07:55,670 --> 00:07:57,300
Life's too short.
98
00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,970
Nobody knows that
better than we do, huh?
99
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,300
That's right.
100
00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:11,980
PADGET: Those were
the days of Korea.
101
00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:16,920
I only had one star then,
and in the presence
of a five-star general,
102
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,320
one star gave you
as much heft as a shavetail.
103
00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:21,830
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
104
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:25,730
I remember the first time
he cocked that pipe at me,
105
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,930
he couldn't even
remember my name.
106
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:30,890
But that's all right.
I couldn't either.
107
00:08:30,970 --> 00:08:32,440
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
108
00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:36,870
Now, I've got a lot of stars
myself now, I affirm.
109
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,970
I've had 'em
for some time.
110
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:44,650
Every once in a while,
they let me dress up
in my soldier's suit
111
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,910
and try to impress somebody.
112
00:08:46,990 --> 00:08:50,750
But you think-tank people
are too smart
for that kind of stuff.
113
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:57,090
Nowadays, I have the honor
to head up your organization.
114
00:08:57,630 --> 00:08:59,960
They put my name
on the top of the stationary,
115
00:09:00,030 --> 00:09:02,370
and they call me
your chairman.
116
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,310
You're a great bunch
of folks here. I would...
117
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:09,500
I only wish I had you
on my staff
when I was in the Army.
118
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:17,810
My beautiful wife here
and I both thank you
for a lovely morning.
119
00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:23,050
And now, now it's time
for Frank and me
to get out there
120
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,220
and dig up
some more contributions
121
00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:28,160
to keep this place going.
122
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,060
God bless you all.
123
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:33,260
(PEOPLE CHATTERlNG)
124
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:38,030
You made it
a very pleasant morning,
Frank. You always do.
125
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:39,940
We'd still like the General
to keep an office here.
126
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:41,410
I wouldn't know
what to do with it.
127
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,000
I don't even know what's
going on here.
128
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:48,370
Too many Ph.D.'s
trying to rewrite
the history of the world.
129
00:09:49,180 --> 00:09:52,910
Say, how is
that sergeant major
of yours doing?
130
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:55,080
I haven't seen him
for a while.
131
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,650
Lester Keegan?
Right.
132
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,950
Still hammering away
at the troops.
133
00:09:58,030 --> 00:10:00,120
Well, I don't know
about that bunch,
134
00:10:00,190 --> 00:10:02,660
but Keegan's a good man.
A good soldier.
135
00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:03,990
We need more like him.
136
00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:08,230
Oh, it almost
slipped my mind again.
137
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:11,960
That Special Projects
Fund of yours, Frank.
138
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:15,630
You know, I still haven't
seen the report yet.
139
00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:23,480
All brought up to date, sir.
I think it'll explain
everything.
140
00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:26,480
That's it?
141
00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:28,150
That's the report.
142
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,190
I'm grateful, Frank.
143
00:10:33,790 --> 00:10:37,860
Someone promises once
and doesn't deliver,
well, that's a busy man.
144
00:10:38,130 --> 00:10:41,300
Promises twice,
he's not very efficient.
145
00:10:41,770 --> 00:10:45,330
Promises three times,
I know when I'm being diddled.
146
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:51,200
But here we are, after all.
I take it all back.
147
00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:56,350
And now I'd like another look
at that sexy computer system
of yours.
148
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:01,050
There goes my Squire Toad.
Enthusiasm unbounded.
149
00:11:01,690 --> 00:11:03,660
Are we gonna have
the soldiers for him,
Frank?
150
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:04,820
Still up for grabs.
151
00:11:04,890 --> 00:11:08,190
Colonel Brailie, I've got...
Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Padget.
152
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:10,490
Not at all, Marcia.
I was just leaving.
153
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,830
I'm glad you got
that report to Jack.
154
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,530
He was fretting about it.
I'll see you
at the dinner party.
155
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:16,900
Indeed.
156
00:11:17,770 --> 00:11:19,800
Bye-bye, Marcia.
Bye-bye, Mrs. Padget.
157
00:11:19,870 --> 00:11:21,310
What can I do
for you, Marcia?
158
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,900
We seem to have two
Special Projects reports.
159
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,240
Do you want
either one of them
in central files?
160
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,340
No, I'll take care of them.
Just leave them here.
161
00:11:56,810 --> 00:12:02,220
You know I don't love you.
What I love is being here
with you, like this.
162
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,720
Does that make me
a bad woman?
163
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:12,960
Only for a few hours,
my depraved Jenny.
164
00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:18,090
Hmm. Of all the sins,
Jack says betrayal
is the worst.
165
00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:29,370
What's your worst
conceivable sin?
166
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,910
Not getting what I want.
167
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,070
I meant what I said,
Frank, our first time.
168
00:12:40,790 --> 00:12:45,850
We'll take what we enjoy
from each other,
but I won't have him hurt.
169
00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:50,190
Not by you,
not by me, not by us.
170
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:54,060
He'll never know.
Never. I promise.
171
00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:04,440
KEEGAN: Okay,
you've had a taste.
Final exam's coming up.
172
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:08,640
Time to see what
all you heroes have learned
these past two weeks.
173
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:12,310
Now, you got three hours
to get back to base camp
174
00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:16,550
in the dark, in the muck,
in the woods.
175
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,990
And, just so you don't
think those pits you see
in the woods,
176
00:13:21,060 --> 00:13:24,000
the ones with the white lime
circles around them,
177
00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:27,590
just so you don't think
they're nifty little
hiding places,
178
00:13:27,670 --> 00:13:30,690
every once in a while
the bogeyman
is gonna make them go...
179
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:39,070
That's mortar fire.
And you're never gonna know
when it's incoming.
180
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,770
So I don't ever wanna catch
any of your raggedy butts
181
00:13:41,850 --> 00:13:45,410
hanging around something
that looks like
a white circle.
182
00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:50,220
Now, that's the menu
for tonight's tea party.
183
00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:54,850
So you soldiers of fortune,
get some chow, get some rest,
184
00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:58,200
'cause the fun and games
commence at sundown.
185
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,530
FRANK: The sexual life
of the camel...
186
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,440
PADGET:...is stranger
than anyone thinks.
187
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:07,630
He lies in the shade
of the pyramids...
188
00:14:07,710 --> 00:14:09,840
...and tries to make love
to the Sphinx.
189
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:12,410
But the Sphinx
is only a statue...
190
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,640
...beset by the sands
of the Nile...
191
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,380
...which accounts
for the humps on the camel...
192
00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:20,850
...and the Sphinx's
inscrutable smile.
193
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,750
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
194
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,290
All right, Mr. Martinson,
it's your turn on stage.
195
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:35,100
Oh, well... Well, in this
glittering company all Peggy
and I have to offer
196
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:39,070
is a little contribution
to help celebrate
the general's birthday.
197
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:45,510
Well, we don't wear uniforms,
but we do like to think
of ourselves as patriots.
198
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:49,170
So keep up the good work
there, Jack, and you,
too, Frank,
199
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,650
and damnation
to our enemies.
200
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:52,710
Hear, hear.
201
00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:54,310
ALL: Hear, hear.
202
00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:00,660
Jenny, our good friends
seem to have made this out
to the First Foundation.
203
00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:03,600
Now, I'm not going
to tell you people
how much this is for,
204
00:15:03,660 --> 00:15:08,000
but I think I've counted
pretty close to six zeroes.
205
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:09,940
(SOLDlERS YELLlNG)
206
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,470
(GUNS FlRlNG)
207
00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:17,510
Come on.
208
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,140
Come here!
209
00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:27,690
(JAZZ MUSlC PLAYlNG)
210
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,560
Jenny, I got 'em.
600 blue and gray.
211
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,330
The toy soldiers?
Just delivered.
212
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,450
What a shame, Frank.
You won't have time.
213
00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:38,000
Let me try.
214
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:42,030
Two hours,
then bring everybody up
to the pool house.
215
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:46,270
If I haven't got everything
set up, at least we'll have
something to show off.
216
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:51,140
PADGET: Jennifer?
Where's Jennifer?
Jennifer! There you are.
217
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,240
Now, tell me,
what's all this about?
218
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:55,150
More birthday
surprises.
219
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:56,510
Oh, my.
220
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:04,740
Anybody out yet?
221
00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:07,620
Nah. They're falling
over their own feet
in there.
222
00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:09,710
Throw me that checklist.
223
00:17:15,260 --> 00:17:17,420
Count 'em right, Sidney.
224
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,300
Everybody checked out
before you start
the light show.
225
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,870
I'll take care
of the hookups.
226
00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:31,600
Keegan to Winnik.
I'm out of here.
227
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:23,110
Frank?
228
00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:30,250
Frank? Frank?
229
00:20:30,820 --> 00:20:32,520
(ALL GASP)
230
00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:35,890
Happy birthday, Jack.
231
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,790
(ALL APPLAUDlNG)
232
00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:39,660
MAN: Happy birthday!
233
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:48,700
I'll be damned. Gettysburg.
Cemetery Ridge.
Pickett's Charge.
234
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:51,170
Love from Jenny.
235
00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:53,870
Indeed.
236
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:14,870
It's a marvel.
You're a marvel.
237
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,970
JENNY: The books
go with it, Jack.
238
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,700
FRANK: All the Civil War
battles you'd ever want
to fight.
239
00:21:20,770 --> 00:21:23,640
All on a nice, clean
sand table.
240
00:21:24,610 --> 00:21:26,810
Not so clean that day.
241
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:31,110
No, not when
the dying began.
242
00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:36,180
Flesh and bone
and heartbreak.
243
00:21:38,890 --> 00:21:40,830
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
244
00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:46,470
Listen up!
We're all out of the woods,
and count yourselves lucky.
245
00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:52,640
You were still in there.
The enemy had his artillery
ranged and ready.
246
00:21:54,610 --> 00:21:58,340
So that's where
you begin to die,
like this.
247
00:22:19,430 --> 00:22:23,230
PADGET: Look at that.
I think we just lost
one of our men.
248
00:23:36,380 --> 00:23:38,110
My name is Brailie.
249
00:23:39,610 --> 00:23:42,710
Well, my pleasure, sir.
Colonel Brailie.
250
00:23:42,980 --> 00:23:44,640
You're from the Foundation.
That's right.
251
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,590
Lieutenant Columbo.
Police.
252
00:23:47,690 --> 00:23:49,090
A lieutenant.
253
00:23:49,460 --> 00:23:52,190
We seem to be fellow officers,
Lieutenant.
254
00:23:52,860 --> 00:23:55,730
You know the responsibility
of leading your men.
255
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,160
Well, mostly the men I lead,
that'd just be me, sir.
256
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:00,930
I see.
257
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,990
Still, you can understand
an officer's concern
258
00:24:03,070 --> 00:24:05,970
when he's lost someone
under his command.
259
00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:08,170
Is there any way
I can assist you here?
260
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,370
Well, thank you
very much, sir.
261
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:16,180
The training battalion,
all the military uniforms
and military ranks,
262
00:24:16,820 --> 00:24:19,790
it was very confusing
to understand that all this
263
00:24:20,550 --> 00:24:22,850
is really just a school
for civilians.
264
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,920
But we seem to have that
under control now, sir.
265
00:24:25,990 --> 00:24:28,220
Then what are
all these people
searching for?
266
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,420
Search and look,
look and search
267
00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:33,470
for whatever might explain
the circumstances.
268
00:24:33,730 --> 00:24:36,290
They expect us
to do that in homicide.
269
00:24:36,570 --> 00:24:39,370
Homicide?
I was told
it was an accident.
270
00:24:40,210 --> 00:24:43,010
Well, there is one question.
271
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,910
About the exercises
last night.
272
00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:56,480
Now, I understand that
Mr. Keegan set those switches
over there,
273
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,750
and then he radioed...
274
00:24:59,260 --> 00:25:02,060
May I ask, sir,
were you watching
the exercises?
275
00:25:02,130 --> 00:25:04,600
No, I'm afraid I was
at a dinner party
for General Padget.
276
00:25:04,660 --> 00:25:05,860
Right.
277
00:25:06,830 --> 00:25:08,160
(MEN CHATTERlNG)
278
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:12,070
General Jack Padget?
That General Padget?
279
00:25:12,140 --> 00:25:13,940
That General Padget.
280
00:25:14,370 --> 00:25:17,900
That would be like
having dinner with history,
sir, wouldn't it?
281
00:25:17,980 --> 00:25:20,450
He's the honorary chairman
of our foundation.
282
00:25:20,510 --> 00:25:23,180
You were about to
ask me a question,
Lieutenant.
283
00:25:23,250 --> 00:25:27,210
A question? Right.
Mr. Keegan, yes.
284
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:31,820
Mr. Keegan set those switches
for what they call
a light show.
285
00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:35,590
He radioed Sergeant Winnik
that he was leaving.
286
00:25:36,030 --> 00:25:37,890
But it was an hour later,
287
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,900
when Sergeant Winnik
fired off the explosives
that killed him.
288
00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:46,970
What was he still doing here?
Can you help me with that,
Colonel Brailie?
289
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,600
I've been wondering
about that myself.
290
00:25:51,010 --> 00:25:53,000
Obviously something
brought him back here.
291
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,480
But why to this
particular spot,
292
00:25:55,550 --> 00:25:57,710
when he knew
it was so dangerous?
293
00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:01,090
What am I gonna say
in my report?
294
00:26:02,260 --> 00:26:05,620
That he was checking
a wiring connection,
295
00:26:06,990 --> 00:26:09,620
or searching for something,
or someone.
296
00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:15,070
Even the best
of trained men
grow careless.
297
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,560
While I played
with toy soldiers.
298
00:26:19,710 --> 00:26:21,330
Toy soldiers, sir?
299
00:26:23,180 --> 00:26:26,510
I was setting up a gift
for the General.
300
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,690
I'm gonna give you
four final words,
Lieutenant.
301
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,890
Chest burned
and excavated.
302
00:26:41,190 --> 00:26:42,590
Now, you need me
for anything else?
303
00:26:42,660 --> 00:26:44,690
That's it.
Thanks, Clarence.
304
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,660
I'll send the attendants.
305
00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:49,330
We served together.
306
00:26:50,340 --> 00:26:52,270
Little wars
in secret places.
307
00:26:54,710 --> 00:26:58,340
I brought him out of the army
into the training battalion.
308
00:26:59,010 --> 00:27:03,380
All that combat,
to die on a night exercise.
309
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:11,220
Well, we're just gonna
have to call it an accident,
sir, and let it go at that.
310
00:27:14,090 --> 00:27:16,490
I have arrangements
to make, Lieutenant,
if you'll forgive me.
311
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,360
Right, sir.
You just run along,
312
00:27:18,430 --> 00:27:20,730
and we'll call you
if we need anything.
313
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,320
I'm very sorry.
314
00:27:23,700 --> 00:27:25,030
Thank you.
315
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:42,250
Lieutenant!
We found it, sir!
316
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:43,520
MAN 1: Hey, Jackson,
over here.
317
00:27:43,590 --> 00:27:45,320
MAN 2: They got it,
they got it. Check it out.
318
00:27:45,390 --> 00:27:47,090
MAN 3: Right there,
at the bottom of the slope.
319
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,290
MAN: Right there,
Lieutenant.
320
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:49,520
COLUMBO: Very good, Sergeant.
321
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,000
Eddie, gonna
need some photographs.
322
00:28:04,940 --> 00:28:08,850
This object that I have
in my hand is a flashlight,
is that right?
323
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:10,180
ALL: Yes, sir.
324
00:28:10,250 --> 00:28:11,770
You all see that?
325
00:28:11,850 --> 00:28:13,320
ALL: Yes, sir.
326
00:28:47,290 --> 00:28:51,820
FRANK: Battalion's closed
down until we find out why
this accident happened.
327
00:28:51,890 --> 00:28:54,090
Last night we lost a comrade.
328
00:28:54,890 --> 00:28:56,860
All of you have served
in the regular forces.
329
00:28:57,430 --> 00:29:00,260
Some of you have seen
violent death before.
330
00:29:00,330 --> 00:29:02,890
That's the profession
we picked.
331
00:29:02,970 --> 00:29:05,700
We're soldiers,
so make the best of it.
332
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:10,640
That's all.
333
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,090
(LOUD RUMBLlNG)
334
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,360
(WHlRRlNG)
335
00:30:20,580 --> 00:30:22,140
(DOOR OPENlNG)
336
00:30:25,290 --> 00:30:27,880
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
That'd be my mess.
337
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,090
I must have tracked it in here
when I came back to clean up.
338
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,060
Well, that's
all right, Lieutenant.
339
00:30:33,130 --> 00:30:35,320
Lester kept this place
like he was still a recruit.
340
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:36,690
We wouldn't want
to desecrate it now.
341
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,200
Well, I apologize, Colonel.
Here, let me take that.
342
00:30:40,270 --> 00:30:43,430
This camp.
I never saw so much mud.
343
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,870
I counted seven different
type muds.
344
00:30:47,270 --> 00:30:50,500
You can't imagine
how many different kinds
of mud.
345
00:30:50,580 --> 00:30:53,410
That's what a detective
has to be interested in.
346
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:59,010
Green mud and black mud,
wet mud and dry mud,
old mud and new mud.
347
00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:03,680
I bring the samples home.
My wife, that's Mrs. Columbo,
348
00:31:04,860 --> 00:31:07,260
she won't even let me
bring it in the house.
349
00:31:07,330 --> 00:31:11,590
That woman,
she keeps her house
like Sergeant Major Keegan.
350
00:31:13,330 --> 00:31:16,890
There. Now, that mud...
351
00:31:17,970 --> 00:31:20,170
That's the mud from where
the victim was killed.
352
00:31:20,940 --> 00:31:22,570
In the accident.
353
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:27,640
You're very thorough,
Lieutenant. I don't think
I'd like you on my trail.
354
00:31:27,780 --> 00:31:30,180
Oh, if that
were the case, sir,
355
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:35,090
I'd have to ask you
what you were doing here
in the victim's quarters.
356
00:31:35,460 --> 00:31:39,020
And I'd tell you
it was to say a kind of
last farewell.
357
00:31:39,930 --> 00:31:43,560
Of course, sir.
And clean up the mud.
358
00:31:45,570 --> 00:31:47,060
And that, too.
359
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:49,430
Colonel.
360
00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:50,830
Lieutenant Columbo.
361
00:31:50,900 --> 00:31:52,460
Yes, Sergeant?
362
00:31:52,540 --> 00:31:54,630
I've got
the men here, sir.
363
00:31:54,910 --> 00:31:55,900
Thank you,
Sergeant.
364
00:31:55,980 --> 00:31:57,470
I'll send them in
one at a time.
365
00:31:59,650 --> 00:32:01,440
I wanted to talk to
some of the men, sir,
366
00:32:01,510 --> 00:32:03,240
just to get a feel
of the place.
367
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:04,680
Go to it, Lieutenant.
368
00:32:04,750 --> 00:32:07,380
Please, call me
at the Foundation if there's
anything I can do for you.
369
00:32:09,490 --> 00:32:10,720
(DOOR CLOSlNG)
370
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:21,730
Here I be.
371
00:32:26,140 --> 00:32:28,230
You wanted to know
about the training battalion?
372
00:32:28,310 --> 00:32:31,740
I want to know about you, sir,
and why you came here.
373
00:32:32,050 --> 00:32:34,710
To get ready
for the time of anarchy.
374
00:32:34,780 --> 00:32:36,250
Time of anarchy?
375
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,750
When the element
tries to take over.
376
00:32:39,950 --> 00:32:41,220
The element, sir?
377
00:32:41,290 --> 00:32:46,280
Now, maybe you don't care,
but they ain't gettin' me,
and they ain't gettin' mine!
378
00:32:47,990 --> 00:32:49,360
Right.
379
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,420
Training up
to be a mercenary, sir.
380
00:32:53,170 --> 00:32:54,630
In two weeks?
381
00:32:54,930 --> 00:32:56,990
That's what the article said
in the magazine.
382
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,700
Best camp
I've ever been to, sir.
383
00:32:59,770 --> 00:33:01,760
You mean you've been
to these places before?
384
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:06,640
Little bit, sir.
Taylor Point, South Carolina,
Westerville, Arizona,
385
00:33:06,810 --> 00:33:10,870
Squeaks Ridge, Pennsylvania,
Centerburg, North Dakota,
High Bluff, Nevada,
386
00:33:10,950 --> 00:33:13,850
Tannerstown, Oklahoma,
Forge Bend, Kentucky.
387
00:33:13,990 --> 00:33:20,020
Then last year, sir,
I got into Blast Cap, Georgia,
Deal, Montana, Murphytown...
388
00:33:25,700 --> 00:33:28,000
I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
Colonel Brailie's busy
for a few minutes.
389
00:33:28,070 --> 00:33:29,500
He'll get to you
as soon as he can.
390
00:33:29,570 --> 00:33:33,510
That's quite all right,
ma'am. Thank you very much.
391
00:33:33,810 --> 00:33:38,240
The Foundation, ma'am,
what is it people do here?
392
00:33:38,310 --> 00:33:39,940
We're what they call
a think tank, Lieutenant.
393
00:33:40,010 --> 00:33:44,250
Oh, a think tank.
This is a think tank.
That's what it is.
394
00:33:44,750 --> 00:33:46,620
Thank you.
395
00:33:47,690 --> 00:33:49,090
What do they think about?
396
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:50,880
Our country's problems,
Lieutenant.
397
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:52,720
I'm sure Colonel Brailie
will explain it to you.
398
00:33:52,790 --> 00:33:54,780
Right. Thank you, ma'am.
399
00:34:36,170 --> 00:34:37,730
(RATTLlNG)
400
00:34:45,410 --> 00:34:47,040
Yes? What is it?
401
00:34:47,380 --> 00:34:49,870
Sorry. Wrong door.
Excuse me.
402
00:34:54,020 --> 00:34:56,650
Having a look around,
Lieutenant?
Sorry to keep you waiting.
403
00:34:56,720 --> 00:35:00,210
Not at all, sir.
This is a very
interesting place.
404
00:35:00,290 --> 00:35:03,590
Well, come on.
See what else
might be interesting.
405
00:35:07,300 --> 00:35:09,600
Oh, Marcia, please
remind Professor Galt
406
00:35:09,670 --> 00:35:12,230
I'll need to see
the Dalai Lama
before my trip to Tibet.
407
00:35:12,310 --> 00:35:15,000
Yes, Colonel.
Carl Peterson just
called from Mali.
408
00:35:15,070 --> 00:35:18,340
Get him back.
And ring through.
No other calls.
409
00:35:18,410 --> 00:35:21,010
Come in, Lieutenant.
410
00:35:29,490 --> 00:35:33,790
Well, this is certainly
a most interesting office.
411
00:35:33,860 --> 00:35:38,520
And your work, it sounds
very intriguing, sir.
412
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:43,630
Visiting Tibet, and phone
calls from Mali. That's
in Africa, isn't it, sir?
413
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:50,270
It is, Lieutenant.
You'll find it right here.
414
00:35:52,450 --> 00:35:54,640
Oh, yeah, Mali.
415
00:35:54,710 --> 00:35:57,440
It's a very uncertain world,
Lieutenant.
416
00:35:57,750 --> 00:36:00,810
Things happen unexpectedly,
and even randomly.
417
00:36:01,820 --> 00:36:04,720
Our policies have to expect
the unexpected.
418
00:36:04,790 --> 00:36:08,520
That's the sort of thing
we think about here
at the Foundation.
419
00:36:08,590 --> 00:36:12,120
You mean, the best plans,
sir, sometimes go all wrong?
420
00:36:12,230 --> 00:36:15,100
Well, not the very
best plans.
421
00:36:15,170 --> 00:36:18,930
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
Here we try to design
perfect plans.
422
00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:21,530
Feel free to look around,
Lieutenant.
423
00:36:22,980 --> 00:36:25,100
Yes? Put him through.
424
00:36:26,610 --> 00:36:30,450
Hello, Carl.
Did you see
the tanks yourself?
425
00:36:32,050 --> 00:36:35,380
Well, find them and count
them. I'm not interested
in the ClA report.
426
00:36:35,450 --> 00:36:37,050
Take care of yourself.
427
00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:40,760
Well, what have you
found there, Lieutenant?
428
00:36:40,930 --> 00:36:43,020
Is this what
I think it is?
429
00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:44,690
What do you think it is?
430
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,670
Well, it looks like
a human head all shrunken.
431
00:36:47,770 --> 00:36:51,170
It is indeed
a shrunken human head
432
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:53,100
from the Jivaro lndians
of Ecuador.
433
00:36:53,740 --> 00:36:57,180
He was a soldier
killed in battle.
434
00:36:57,240 --> 00:37:01,150
Otherwise his head wouldn't
have been all shrunken.
435
00:37:02,250 --> 00:37:04,680
I keep it
as a soldier's warning.
436
00:37:04,750 --> 00:37:07,280
A single misstep
in the face
of my enemy,
437
00:37:08,150 --> 00:37:11,450
and I might end up like
our unfortunate friend here.
438
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,690
Right, sir.
I guess we can say this fella,
439
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,960
he's a lesson to all of us.
440
00:37:19,230 --> 00:37:21,100
Now, Lieutenant,
how can I help you?
441
00:37:21,170 --> 00:37:22,360
Did you talk
to our trainees?
442
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:26,870
I did, sir, and I must say
I'm puzzled.
443
00:37:27,540 --> 00:37:28,730
What puzzles you?
444
00:37:28,810 --> 00:37:33,370
The kind of people they were.
They just don't seem to go
with all of this.
445
00:37:33,450 --> 00:37:36,140
The Foundation
and the training battalion,
446
00:37:36,220 --> 00:37:38,410
they're very different,
aren't they, sir?
447
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:43,820
Different, indeed.
Sophisticated scholars
and roughneck romantics.
448
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:49,490
Some of our people here
call the training operation
our bargain-basement boutique.
449
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,820
Still, the fees help finance
our Foundation work.
450
00:37:52,900 --> 00:37:55,730
For the rest of it,
we depend on donations.
451
00:37:56,500 --> 00:37:58,600
Is there something here
you want to show me?
452
00:37:58,670 --> 00:38:02,660
Oh, yes.
Well, it's really just
a question, Colonel Brailie.
453
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:05,200
Mr. Keegan, the victim,
454
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:09,100
was he unhappy with his work
out there at the camp?
455
00:38:09,820 --> 00:38:13,080
Well, not that I know of.
He never complained.
Why do you ask?
456
00:38:13,150 --> 00:38:16,920
It's these pieces
of paper, sir.
457
00:38:16,990 --> 00:38:19,750
I found them
in Mr. Keegan's desk.
458
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:24,150
An unexplained accident, sir.
We're supposed to look
around like that.
459
00:38:24,230 --> 00:38:25,790
Yes, I'm sure you are.
460
00:38:25,870 --> 00:38:28,990
They're all from
the want-ads sections
of the newspapers.
461
00:38:29,070 --> 00:38:32,530
Help wanted.
All help-wanted ads.
462
00:38:32,610 --> 00:38:35,700
Like Mr. Keegan was thinking
of changing jobs.
463
00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:38,510
All different jobs.
464
00:38:38,580 --> 00:38:43,240
"Limousine drivers wanted."
"Employment opportunities
in Saudi Arabia."
465
00:38:43,820 --> 00:38:46,720
"Gun shop needs expert clerk."
466
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:49,820
"Careers in security
services."
467
00:38:49,890 --> 00:38:51,450
Odd jobs like that.
468
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:54,620
And the dates. Here, sir.
469
00:38:55,530 --> 00:38:58,330
The dates are all in sequence.
470
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:03,860
Like Mr. Keegan was looking
every single day
until last Monday.
471
00:39:04,870 --> 00:39:07,900
Then it stopped.
No more ads.
472
00:39:08,170 --> 00:39:11,840
You see, sir? Do you see
how the dates run out?
473
00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:16,750
Mmm-hmm. I see, Lieutenant.
What's your point?
474
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:22,210
Well, here's a man,
he's looking in the newspapers
for a new job.
475
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:27,720
He's looking every day.
He's looking and marking
the ads.
476
00:39:28,660 --> 00:39:31,790
Then six days ago,
everything changes.
477
00:39:31,860 --> 00:39:35,160
He stops looking.
No more ads.
478
00:39:35,500 --> 00:39:39,440
I gotta ask myself,
what happened last Monday?
479
00:39:40,270 --> 00:39:43,470
What changed
in Mr. Keegan's life
last Monday?
480
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,940
Can you think
of anything, sir?
481
00:39:46,580 --> 00:39:51,680
I can't imagine, Lieutenant.
I only visited the camp when
new classes began and ended.
482
00:39:53,150 --> 00:39:55,990
Do you think he could
have found a new job?
483
00:39:56,990 --> 00:40:00,520
I can't conceive Lester
even looking for another job.
484
00:40:00,930 --> 00:40:04,020
Well, we can't read
the man's mind,
can we, sir?
485
00:40:04,830 --> 00:40:09,160
All right. Well, thank you
very much for your help.
I'll just be running along.
486
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:14,630
He never talked to you
about a raise, money,
anything like that?
487
00:40:14,710 --> 00:40:16,200
Nothing like that.
488
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:20,540
Lester was perfectly happy
with his life when I saw him
yesterday morning.
489
00:40:20,610 --> 00:40:23,080
What could this possibly
have to do with his accident?
490
00:40:23,150 --> 00:40:28,180
Exactly, sir. That's my point.
Here we have an accident
on our hands.
491
00:40:28,650 --> 00:40:31,520
My report is gonna
call this an accident.
492
00:40:31,590 --> 00:40:34,920
And there we go,
we're complicating it
with a lot of questions.
493
00:40:34,990 --> 00:40:38,400
The paperwork,
it's gonna go on forever,
494
00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:42,870
unless we just learn to forget
about these little questions.
495
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,600
All right, sir.
Well, thank you again.
496
00:40:45,970 --> 00:40:47,030
Good day, Lieutenant.
497
00:40:47,110 --> 00:40:48,700
Good day, sir.
498
00:40:50,510 --> 00:40:51,870
Those sticks, sir.
499
00:40:51,940 --> 00:40:53,910
Excuse me?
500
00:40:57,620 --> 00:40:59,550
These sticks.
501
00:41:00,250 --> 00:41:04,190
Those people sitting
on the floor in that room
down there,
502
00:41:04,260 --> 00:41:06,520
they were shaking sticks
just like these.
503
00:41:06,590 --> 00:41:10,620
Yes, they're I Ching sticks.
An ancient Chinese way
of divining the future.
504
00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:13,760
You mean,
people use these
for fortune telling?
505
00:41:14,500 --> 00:41:16,330
Well, it's all
rather mystical.
506
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:19,030
One shakes the container
like this,
507
00:41:20,140 --> 00:41:22,230
and eventually,
508
00:41:23,310 --> 00:41:27,410
one of them falls out
like this.
509
00:41:29,010 --> 00:41:33,310
See, and each stick has
its own unique markings.
These lines here.
510
00:41:33,990 --> 00:41:36,750
You look up the meaning
in the I Ching book.
511
00:41:36,820 --> 00:41:39,120
You know,
what the future holds,
how to deal with your life,
512
00:41:39,190 --> 00:41:41,390
what decisions to make.
513
00:41:41,990 --> 00:41:43,480
All from just this stick?
514
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,150
All from that stick.
515
00:41:45,230 --> 00:41:49,830
Of course, it all depends
on some pretty hazy
interpretation.
516
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,730
We do these studies
to try to understand
517
00:41:53,810 --> 00:41:56,540
the processes of
Chinese decision-making.
518
00:41:57,340 --> 00:42:01,400
For instance, I happen
to know that this is
the Ming Yi symbol.
519
00:42:01,580 --> 00:42:03,410
What would that mean, sir?
520
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,920
Well, it could mean,
among other things,
521
00:42:05,990 --> 00:42:07,510
that a woman is sitting
on a well,
522
00:42:07,590 --> 00:42:10,560
and that's been interpreted
as a warning against a trap.
523
00:42:10,620 --> 00:42:15,250
Right. A woman on a well.
That's a trap.
I can see that.
524
00:42:15,660 --> 00:42:18,130
I'm gonna tell that one
to Mrs. Columbo.
525
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:22,220
Well, you've been very kind,
Colonel, and I won't intrude
any longer.
526
00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:23,670
Not at all.
527
00:42:26,110 --> 00:42:29,370
And we both better guard
ourselves against traps, sir,
528
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,740
or we're liable
to lose our heads.
529
00:42:31,810 --> 00:42:33,210
Bye again.
530
00:42:42,490 --> 00:42:43,680
(DOOR OPENlNG)
531
00:42:43,790 --> 00:42:45,690
One more thing, sir.
532
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,750
I'll show you how I find
these little problems
533
00:42:48,830 --> 00:42:51,760
that I really shouldn't even
be looking for.
534
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:56,090
I put it here somewhere.
I know I got it.
535
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:01,310
Well, it seems like
I don't have it.
536
00:43:01,770 --> 00:43:03,670
Oh, no, here it is.
537
00:43:03,740 --> 00:43:06,140
Over here by the light, sir.
538
00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:10,440
You see this,
Colonel Brailie?
539
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,380
Yes. It looks like dirt,
Lieutenant.
540
00:43:12,450 --> 00:43:15,420
Lots of dirt, bits of leaves,
little twigs.
541
00:43:15,490 --> 00:43:18,320
Found jammed up under
Mr. Keegan's collar.
542
00:43:19,060 --> 00:43:22,050
Lots of dirt,
bits of leaves...
543
00:43:22,130 --> 00:43:23,620
And twigs.
544
00:43:23,700 --> 00:43:27,150
Little twigs.
What do you think
of that, sir?
545
00:43:27,870 --> 00:43:30,990
Obviously blown
under his collar
by the explosion.
546
00:43:31,070 --> 00:43:36,800
But when the explosion went
off, he was lying face down.
His chest was all blown in.
547
00:43:37,380 --> 00:43:39,440
Excuse me
for saying that.
548
00:43:39,510 --> 00:43:44,640
So how could all this dirt
get back here,
underneath his collar?
549
00:43:46,850 --> 00:43:48,720
What do you make of it,
Lieutenant?
550
00:43:48,790 --> 00:43:54,350
Well, it's like the victim
was being dragged through
the dirt on his back.
551
00:43:55,190 --> 00:43:59,220
Like somebody was dragging
Mr. Keegan by his arms,
552
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,930
and his collar was
scooping up all the dirt.
553
00:44:03,540 --> 00:44:06,440
You see how that can
confuse my accident report?
554
00:44:06,910 --> 00:44:09,030
Yes, you have my sympathies.
555
00:44:10,380 --> 00:44:13,570
Still, I can tell you
from battlefield experience,
556
00:44:14,850 --> 00:44:17,540
an explosion can produce
random results.
557
00:44:19,220 --> 00:44:22,380
I think the explosion
would account for the dirt.
558
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,490
Then that's what I'm gonna say
in my report.
559
00:44:28,290 --> 00:44:29,280
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
560
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:34,030
Explosion,
random results.
561
00:44:34,470 --> 00:44:36,700
This is gonna be
very helpful.
562
00:44:36,770 --> 00:44:38,460
Colonel Brailie,
General Padget's
on the phone.
563
00:44:38,540 --> 00:44:40,900
I'll take it at my desk.
Goodbye, Lieutenant.
564
00:44:40,970 --> 00:44:43,810
He wants to talk
to Lieutenant Columbo.
565
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:47,440
Talk to me?
General Padget?
566
00:44:47,510 --> 00:44:49,910
General Padget
on the line.
567
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:00,850
General Padget. Sir.
568
00:45:17,610 --> 00:45:19,040
(DOG BARKlNG)
569
00:45:20,850 --> 00:45:25,180
Okay, I'm gonna put you
in charge. You take care
of the car.
570
00:45:25,250 --> 00:45:27,550
You're a responsible dog.
571
00:45:27,620 --> 00:45:31,450
When I get back,
if the car's okay,
I'll give you another cookie.
572
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:36,690
If the car's gone,
I give you another cookie
anyway, 'cause I love you.
573
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:41,870
(WHlNlNG)
574
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,230
(HUMMlNG THIS OLD MAN)
575
00:45:43,300 --> 00:45:44,360
d With a knick-knack
paddywhack
576
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:45,960
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
d Give a dog a bone d
577
00:45:46,070 --> 00:45:48,010
(HUMMlNG)
578
00:45:49,140 --> 00:45:50,610
(CLEARlNG THROAT)
579
00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:56,240
Excuse me, ma'am.
Lieutenant Columbo.
The General's expecting me.
580
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,750
Yes, of course.
I'm Jenny Padget.
581
00:45:59,750 --> 00:46:01,340
Is that your car,
Lieutenant?
582
00:46:01,790 --> 00:46:04,420
Yes, ma'am.
Afraid it needs a wash now.
583
00:46:05,020 --> 00:46:09,590
I had one like that once,
a long, long time ago.
584
00:46:09,660 --> 00:46:11,320
Well, you should've
held onto it, ma'am.
585
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:15,460
That car,
that's a collector's item now.
Lovely thing, isn't it?
586
00:46:15,930 --> 00:46:18,840
Yes. Lovely, indeed.
Please, come in.
587
00:46:18,900 --> 00:46:21,900
My husband's back
in the pool house.
588
00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:30,680
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
589
00:46:30,750 --> 00:46:32,010
Come in.
590
00:46:35,950 --> 00:46:37,510
Excuse me, sir.
591
00:46:38,020 --> 00:46:39,890
Columbo?
Right.
592
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:41,190
Padget.
593
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,650
Well, come on in.
I'm not gonna go
all the way over there.
594
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:47,560
Well, what do you
think of this?
595
00:46:49,030 --> 00:46:52,730
A birthday present.
You know what all this is,
Lieutenant?
596
00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:56,400
Could this be Gettysburg?
Cemetery Ridge?
597
00:46:57,540 --> 00:46:59,480
What do you know
about Cemetery Ridge?
598
00:46:59,550 --> 00:47:02,240
Well, it's not me
so much as my nephew.
599
00:47:02,350 --> 00:47:05,340
He belongs to one of those
groups that get together
to fight all the battles
600
00:47:05,420 --> 00:47:06,910
from the Civil War books.
601
00:47:06,990 --> 00:47:09,720
This is certainly some beauty.
602
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:12,280
Pickett's Charge.
603
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:14,790
On orders
from General Longstreet.
604
00:47:14,860 --> 00:47:19,700
Half a day late
and the battle is lost.
Longstreet's fatal flaw.
605
00:47:19,970 --> 00:47:23,800
Well, the fatal flaw, sir,
I always thought it was shoes.
606
00:47:24,740 --> 00:47:26,070
Excuse me?
607
00:47:26,210 --> 00:47:28,640
There was a shoe factory
in Gettysburg.
608
00:47:28,710 --> 00:47:31,700
If General Lee hadn't needed
shoes for his men,
609
00:47:31,780 --> 00:47:34,940
there may never have been
a Battle of Gettysburg.
610
00:47:35,610 --> 00:47:38,980
Well, I'll be damned.
611
00:47:40,650 --> 00:47:44,490
You're a good man, Lieutenant.
You know things.
A pleasure to meet you.
612
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:49,690
And it's a real privilege
to meet you, sir, and to see
how you set this table up.
613
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:53,390
Oh, I didn't set it up.
Frank Brailie did that
last night.
614
00:47:54,170 --> 00:47:56,160
Those are the books, sir?
615
00:48:00,770 --> 00:48:04,040
Lincoln and His Generals.
616
00:48:04,110 --> 00:48:06,670
Bluebellies and Johnny Reb.
617
00:48:06,750 --> 00:48:08,580
That's the one.
That's the great one.
618
00:48:08,650 --> 00:48:10,810
That's a classic.
619
00:48:11,980 --> 00:48:17,450
The Gray Runs Red.
This is some collection.
620
00:48:17,820 --> 00:48:21,550
A gift from my wife.
The whole thing was a gift
from Jenny.
621
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:26,720
Look at this.
622
00:48:29,700 --> 00:48:31,930
A Union soldier.
623
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:35,170
He retreated too far.
Where are we gonna put him?
624
00:48:35,610 --> 00:48:39,100
How about with the artillery,
over here on Little Round Top?
625
00:48:39,180 --> 00:48:42,740
Why don't we help out
General Hancock?
You put it here.
626
00:48:43,350 --> 00:48:45,650
Well, sir,
you're the general.
627
00:48:46,550 --> 00:48:47,980
There.
628
00:48:48,990 --> 00:48:54,890
But I don't think that
you invited me over here
to help fight the Civil War.
629
00:48:57,500 --> 00:49:01,460
You're right.
We lost a good man
last night.
630
00:49:02,570 --> 00:49:04,190
A stupid accident.
631
00:49:06,370 --> 00:49:09,600
He was on my own payroll,
so to speak.
632
00:49:11,340 --> 00:49:14,870
You wanna know the truth?
I don't know beans
about our accounting.
633
00:49:14,950 --> 00:49:18,250
I told that
to Sergeant Major Keegan
a few days ago.
634
00:49:18,580 --> 00:49:21,640
He was standing
right where you're standing.
635
00:49:22,150 --> 00:49:24,350
Would that have been
on Monday, sir?
636
00:49:25,060 --> 00:49:27,580
Well, as a matter of fact,
it was.
637
00:49:27,660 --> 00:49:29,920
Well, in that case, sir,
638
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:34,190
I'll ask you what you
and Mr. Keegan talked about
on Monday.
639
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:38,760
Lieutenant,
I'm going to trust you.
640
00:49:40,140 --> 00:49:44,630
I asked him to be
my eyes and my ears,
do me a little favor.
641
00:49:45,740 --> 00:49:48,650
I might not know
too much about accounting,
642
00:49:49,180 --> 00:49:52,240
but I do know millions
of Foundation dollars
643
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:57,550
have dribbled down
into some rat hole
called Special Projects Fund.
644
00:49:59,460 --> 00:50:02,550
Now, Frank Brailie finally
gave me that report
645
00:50:02,630 --> 00:50:05,600
on the Special Projects Fund
yesterday.
646
00:50:05,660 --> 00:50:09,570
Been after him for weeks.
It was like pulling teeth.
647
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:13,300
Not the way Colonel Brailie
usually does things.
648
00:50:13,970 --> 00:50:16,740
Anyway, last Monday,
649
00:50:17,610 --> 00:50:20,810
I asked Sergeant Major Keegan
to look into all of that
for me,
650
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,110
to find out
what was going on.
651
00:50:23,620 --> 00:50:25,950
Good man.
He knows his business,
652
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:28,920
just like I think
you know your business.
653
00:50:28,990 --> 00:50:31,480
Well, I never heard
from him again.
654
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:34,120
A real tragedy.
655
00:50:34,930 --> 00:50:38,330
Got the report here,
anyway, for what it's worth.
656
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,490
Does that answer your question
about what happened
last Monday?
657
00:50:41,570 --> 00:50:43,500
In a manner
of speaking, sir.
658
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:49,960
May I ask you,
what exactly is
the Special Projects Fund?
659
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:53,940
Well, it's a catchall
for everything that isn't
nailed down.
660
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:59,520
Our own intelligence
operations around the world,
special grants abroad,
661
00:50:59,580 --> 00:51:03,180
anything that's around,
according to this report.
662
00:51:05,460 --> 00:51:08,220
Now, I'm going to ask you
a favor, Lieutenant.
663
00:51:08,290 --> 00:51:12,630
You're looking around
about the camp. Keegan's life,
Keegan's effects.
664
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:17,900
You find any odds and ends
about the Special Projects
report,
665
00:51:17,970 --> 00:51:21,100
you keep me informed.
You think you can
do that for me?
666
00:51:21,870 --> 00:51:25,100
Anything I can do
for General Jack Padget,
667
00:51:25,980 --> 00:51:28,450
that would be my own
personal pleasure.
668
00:51:29,710 --> 00:51:32,840
Why don't we stop
this mutual buttering-up
669
00:51:33,820 --> 00:51:36,010
and see if we can't help
each other?
670
00:51:37,060 --> 00:51:38,450
Okay?
671
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:44,790
Good. Before you go,
I want you to stick this
in your pocket.
672
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,300
It's your soldier.
You found it.
673
00:51:49,430 --> 00:51:53,840
Here. Give you an excuse
to come back again.
674
00:51:53,910 --> 00:51:56,970
If you don't,
I'll claim you stole it.
675
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:58,240
Right, sir.
676
00:51:58,310 --> 00:52:01,010
And I certainly
will be back.
677
00:52:04,350 --> 00:52:06,320
You can count on that, sir.
678
00:53:04,410 --> 00:53:05,900
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
679
00:53:06,650 --> 00:53:08,510
WlNNlK: Lieutenant?
680
00:53:17,020 --> 00:53:20,460
I was picking up my cleaning.
They gave me Sergeant Major
Keegan's stuff.
681
00:53:20,530 --> 00:53:22,020
I didn't know
what to do with it.
682
00:53:22,090 --> 00:53:24,120
I'll take it for you.
683
00:53:26,130 --> 00:53:29,900
Sergeant,
do you like
your work here?
684
00:53:31,100 --> 00:53:32,540
It's a job.
685
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:36,600
Sergeant Major Keegan,
did he like his work here?
686
00:53:37,180 --> 00:53:38,700
He never said.
687
00:53:42,050 --> 00:53:43,410
Good night, Sergeant.
688
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:45,350
Good night, Lieutenant.
689
00:54:54,720 --> 00:54:56,480
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
690
00:55:04,900 --> 00:55:09,160
Colonel Brailie. Well,
this is some surprise, sir.
691
00:55:09,770 --> 00:55:12,000
I was looking
for a Mr. Dunstan.
692
00:55:12,070 --> 00:55:15,510
A Mr. L. Dunstan,
apartment 2A.
693
00:55:15,570 --> 00:55:17,730
Yes, Lieutenant,
this is indeed
apartment 2A.
694
00:55:17,810 --> 00:55:19,110
Is there something
I can do for you?
695
00:55:19,180 --> 00:55:21,150
Careful, sir.
You almost spilt that.
696
00:55:21,210 --> 00:55:23,740
I promise,
it'll only take a minute.
697
00:55:27,390 --> 00:55:31,550
What a remarkable coincidence.
Would you be visiting
Mr. Dunstan?
698
00:55:32,190 --> 00:55:33,450
(CHUCKLES)
699
00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:36,390
Would it astonish you
to learn that Mr. Dunstan,
Mr. L. Dunstan,
700
00:55:36,460 --> 00:55:38,330
and myself are exactly
the same person?
701
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,990
That's you, sir?
You're Mr. Dunstan?
702
00:55:42,370 --> 00:55:44,670
I don't mean
to be inhospitable,
Lieutenant,
703
00:55:44,740 --> 00:55:46,700
but I'm expecting a guest
at any moment.
704
00:55:46,770 --> 00:55:49,260
Of course, sir.
I should have known.
705
00:55:49,340 --> 00:55:52,670
The wine and the music.
I'd have to say a lady.
706
00:55:52,740 --> 00:55:54,910
Exactly.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
707
00:55:54,980 --> 00:55:58,940
A private place
for romantic meetings.
708
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:02,010
That's why Mr. Dunstan
keeps this apartment.
709
00:56:02,090 --> 00:56:03,650
You have my confession.
710
00:56:03,720 --> 00:56:06,350
Well, I certainly
understand, Colonel.
711
00:56:08,460 --> 00:56:11,660
Except, I must admit
I'm a bit confused.
712
00:56:11,730 --> 00:56:16,260
I thought somewhere...
Bear with me, sir.
713
00:56:17,170 --> 00:56:21,400
Right. Here it is.
Don't you have a lovely home
in Sherman Oaks, sir?
714
00:56:21,770 --> 00:56:26,210
Lieutenant, we all know there
are moments when it's more
discreet not to be at home.
715
00:56:26,410 --> 00:56:28,850
Ah, right, Colonel,
more discreet.
716
00:56:29,250 --> 00:56:31,910
Well, that certainly
explains that.
717
00:56:31,980 --> 00:56:36,180
But then, you're not
a married man,
are you, sir?
718
00:56:36,590 --> 00:56:38,780
Why would you worry
about being discreet?
719
00:56:38,860 --> 00:56:41,760
No, I'm not married,
but the lady...
720
00:56:42,790 --> 00:56:45,660
Ah, of course.
It's really none
of my business.
721
00:56:45,730 --> 00:56:48,030
And she'll be along
any minute.
722
00:56:49,970 --> 00:56:52,660
I know exactly
what you're thinking, sir.
723
00:56:52,740 --> 00:56:56,870
You're wondering why I came
looking for Mr. Dunstan
in the first place.
724
00:56:56,940 --> 00:56:58,910
Just too polite to ask.
725
00:56:58,980 --> 00:57:02,470
It's the victim, sir,
Mr. Keegan. Here,
I'll show you.
726
00:57:03,210 --> 00:57:06,950
I found Mr. Dunstan's name
and address
727
00:57:07,020 --> 00:57:09,650
in Mr. Keegan's...
Oh, here it is.
728
00:57:09,720 --> 00:57:12,320
Yes, in Mr. Keegan's quarters.
729
00:57:12,860 --> 00:57:16,660
Did you know that Mr. Keegan
knew about this apartment?
730
00:57:17,660 --> 00:57:19,990
No, as a matter of fact
I didn't know.
731
00:57:20,060 --> 00:57:21,660
Lieutenant,
I don't mean to rush you.
732
00:57:21,730 --> 00:57:25,290
You didn't know and he knew?
Well, how did he find out?
733
00:57:26,670 --> 00:57:29,970
Sir, do you think he could
have been following you?
734
00:57:31,180 --> 00:57:32,910
I can't imagine that Lester
would be following me.
735
00:57:32,980 --> 00:57:35,540
Lieutenant, don't you think
that you're intruding
a little more deeply
736
00:57:35,610 --> 00:57:37,510
on my personal life
than the situation warrants?
737
00:57:37,580 --> 00:57:40,750
Well, sir,
we hate to intrude
like this,
738
00:57:40,820 --> 00:57:44,190
but now we have to consider
Mr. Keegan's flashlight.
739
00:57:45,090 --> 00:57:46,610
His flashlight?
740
00:57:47,430 --> 00:57:49,720
His flashlight, sir.
741
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:52,290
The night Mr. Keegan died.
742
00:57:54,730 --> 00:57:56,560
Do you see the problem?
743
00:57:59,770 --> 00:58:01,260
To the window.
744
00:58:08,250 --> 00:58:10,510
You see where we found
the flashlight?
745
00:58:10,580 --> 00:58:15,250
Underneath this lip of rock,
sir, like an anvil hanging
over the flashlight.
746
00:58:15,650 --> 00:58:19,380
Now, how did
the flashlight end up
under that rock like that?
747
00:58:19,660 --> 00:58:21,420
The explosion...
748
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:25,050
Uh, we'll see if I can
make this clear, sir.
749
00:58:25,130 --> 00:58:27,830
This is the explosive pit.
750
00:58:27,900 --> 00:58:32,630
Now, the explosion couldn't
have blown it over here.
751
00:58:32,700 --> 00:58:35,800
This is the rock, sir.
And this is the lip.
752
00:58:36,570 --> 00:58:40,530
How did the flashlight end up
here underneath the lip?
753
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:43,040
How did it get there?
754
00:58:43,350 --> 00:58:46,220
Your point seems
a bit strained,
Lieutenant.
755
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:50,880
Well, sir, flashlights,
they don't go flying around
all by themselves.
756
00:58:51,660 --> 00:58:55,890
Not dirt and leaves
under Mr. Keegan's collar,
and not flashlights.
757
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:58,850
That's why we did
a second autopsy.
758
00:58:59,500 --> 00:59:03,160
Lieutenant, you seemed
quite certain all of this
was an accident.
759
00:59:03,230 --> 00:59:07,230
Well, sir, nobody wanted it
to be an accident
more than me.
760
00:59:07,310 --> 00:59:12,140
Murder? You wouldn't even want
to think about the amount
of paperwork for murder.
761
00:59:12,410 --> 00:59:13,540
Murder?
762
00:59:13,610 --> 00:59:16,210
Well, it certainly
was a murder, sir.
763
00:59:16,580 --> 00:59:21,280
The second autopsy.
We found a knife wound
in Mr. Keegan's heart
764
00:59:21,350 --> 00:59:23,150
where he was stabbed.
765
00:59:23,420 --> 00:59:27,120
I'm sorry, sir.
We have to face that now.
766
00:59:30,060 --> 00:59:31,390
I see.
767
00:59:34,170 --> 00:59:37,190
It all seems
so inconceivable.
768
00:59:38,170 --> 00:59:42,800
Poor Lester stabbed to death
while I enjoyed myself
with the General.
769
00:59:43,910 --> 00:59:46,740
So many violent men
in the camp that night.
770
01:00:05,860 --> 01:00:09,090
Well, we'll just have to leave
all these things in your
capable hands, Lieutenant.
771
01:00:09,170 --> 01:00:11,100
Good luck
with your paperwork.
772
01:00:11,170 --> 01:00:13,470
We'll just have
to manage, sir.
773
01:00:13,540 --> 01:00:17,000
I'm sure you have a lot of
other things to think about.
774
01:00:18,210 --> 01:00:21,670
Oh, Colonel, would you mind
if I used your washroom?
775
01:00:21,750 --> 01:00:24,080
Lieutenant,
I do have an engagement.
776
01:00:24,150 --> 01:00:25,380
I'll just be a minute, sir.
777
01:01:07,890 --> 01:01:10,120
Is there anything else
I can do for you, Lieutenant?
778
01:01:10,190 --> 01:01:13,190
No. No, sir.
I can't think of a thing.
779
01:01:13,260 --> 01:01:17,560
No, I'll be running along.
We'll be talking again soon,
Colonel.
780
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:19,260
I'm sure we will.
781
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:23,270
Try and have
a pleasant afternoon.
782
01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:34,410
WARREN: Right then
it was touch and go.
783
01:01:34,490 --> 01:01:37,250
Colonel Brailie would have
settled for the soldiers
without the books.
784
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:40,950
But the books
without the soldiers?
There goes the big surprise.
785
01:01:41,030 --> 01:01:43,960
Well, it sounds like
a remarkable evening.
786
01:01:44,030 --> 01:01:46,620
And this is certainly
a remarkable sherry.
787
01:01:46,700 --> 01:01:48,330
The General's best, sir.
788
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:50,060
JENNY: Lieutenant Columbo?
789
01:01:50,130 --> 01:01:51,330
Ma'am.
790
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,430
I see Warren's been
taking care of you.
791
01:01:53,500 --> 01:01:56,030
He's been telling me
stories, ma'am.
792
01:01:56,170 --> 01:01:58,270
Come and join me
over here.
793
01:02:00,650 --> 01:02:02,370
May I pour you
a cup of tea,
Lieutenant?
794
01:02:02,450 --> 01:02:05,180
Well, if it's all the same,
Mrs. Padget, I'll just
enjoy my sherry.
795
01:02:05,250 --> 01:02:06,340
Please do.
796
01:02:06,420 --> 01:02:10,350
I'll only take up a minute
of your time, ma'am, on my
way to visit your husband.
797
01:02:10,420 --> 01:02:12,390
Well, this is very nice.
798
01:02:14,530 --> 01:02:18,660
When a policeman comes
calling, I'm sure it can't
be all that nice.
799
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:23,990
Mr. Keegan's accident,
the Sergeant Major,
800
01:02:24,700 --> 01:02:26,530
he was murdered, ma'am.
801
01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:28,570
We know that now
for a fact.
802
01:02:32,180 --> 01:02:35,270
That's a very brutal fact,
Lieutenant.
803
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:43,450
This sherry is delicious,
ma'am.
804
01:02:43,990 --> 01:02:46,150
Even the glass
is beautiful.
805
01:02:47,590 --> 01:02:51,120
You see the glass,
the four frosted stars?
806
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:58,330
It's like all that crystal
over there in that cabinet,
for a four-star general.
807
01:02:58,540 --> 01:03:00,830
They were a gift
from the Army.
808
01:03:02,510 --> 01:03:05,810
I saw a glass like this
earlier today, Mrs. Padget,
809
01:03:07,980 --> 01:03:11,310
in an apartment
kept by Frank Brailie,
810
01:03:11,380 --> 01:03:14,280
for what you might call
intimate occasions.
811
01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:19,120
With a woman.
He was expecting her.
812
01:03:20,090 --> 01:03:21,820
A married woman.
813
01:03:22,090 --> 01:03:27,260
Am I to understand
that you're implying
some insulting connection
814
01:03:27,330 --> 01:03:33,000
between me and a wine glass
and some love nest
of Frank Brailie's?
815
01:03:34,310 --> 01:03:37,500
Well, four stars,
that's very unusual, ma'am.
816
01:03:37,580 --> 01:03:40,870
Like... You'll forgive me.
817
01:03:40,950 --> 01:03:45,610
Like special wine glasses
that a woman brings
to a furnished apartment.
818
01:03:46,980 --> 01:03:49,210
You'll forgive me,
Lieutenant.
819
01:03:49,790 --> 01:03:54,020
On any number of occasions
Frank Brailie could have taken
those glasses from my home.
820
01:03:54,090 --> 01:03:57,890
He could have borrowed them,
stolen them, treated them
as a gift.
821
01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:02,530
I have no intention
of continuing
this offensive inquisition.
822
01:04:04,100 --> 01:04:06,660
Don't make me
stop you, ma'am.
823
01:04:15,110 --> 01:04:17,550
If you'll look at this,
please.
824
01:04:18,180 --> 01:04:20,620
It's one of those
traveling toothbrushes
825
01:04:20,690 --> 01:04:23,710
from Mr. Brailie's bathroom
in the apartment.
826
01:04:24,290 --> 01:04:26,760
And the fingerprints,
Mrs. Padget...
827
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:31,830
Everybody's fingerprints
are on file, most everybody.
828
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:36,300
Would you want me to say
whose fingerprints
we found on this?
829
01:04:36,370 --> 01:04:39,730
No. That won't be necessary.
830
01:04:43,010 --> 01:04:45,980
Why, in the name of God,
are you doing this?
831
01:04:46,540 --> 01:04:50,610
I'm sorry, ma'am.
There'll just be
a few more questions.
832
01:04:57,220 --> 01:05:01,520
Were you aware
that Mr. Keegan knew
about the secret apartment?
833
01:05:01,660 --> 01:05:03,290
No.
834
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,550
Nobody knew.
835
01:05:06,860 --> 01:05:10,390
Mr. Keegan knew.
And now he's dead.
836
01:05:11,770 --> 01:05:15,500
What I need, ma'am...
Was there anything else,
837
01:05:16,210 --> 01:05:19,140
any other kind of secret
he might have known?
838
01:05:19,410 --> 01:05:23,740
Maybe about the Foundation?
The Special Projects report?
839
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:25,750
Anything you could
help me with.
840
01:05:25,820 --> 01:05:27,180
No.
841
01:05:28,750 --> 01:05:32,380
My husband was interested in
the Special Projects report.
842
01:05:34,230 --> 01:05:35,890
That's all I know.
843
01:05:36,390 --> 01:05:41,130
Well, that's it then, ma'am.
I'll just take this way
to the pool house.
844
01:05:45,770 --> 01:05:47,240
Lieutenant.
845
01:05:51,140 --> 01:05:52,730
When you speak
with my husband,
846
01:05:52,810 --> 01:05:55,240
will you find it necessary
to mention any of this?
847
01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:01,680
No, ma'am.
Good night, ma'am.
848
01:06:13,700 --> 01:06:15,290
(KNOCKlNG)
849
01:06:16,630 --> 01:06:18,300
Lieutenant Columbo, sir.
850
01:06:18,370 --> 01:06:20,170
PADGET: Come on in.
851
01:06:21,610 --> 01:06:23,900
Lieutenant.
I'll be with you
in a moment.
852
01:06:23,980 --> 01:06:25,880
You just carry on, sir.
853
01:06:26,940 --> 01:06:28,710
The French have
a saying, Lieutenant.
854
01:06:28,780 --> 01:06:31,080
"The older you get,
the worse things are."
855
01:06:31,150 --> 01:06:33,980
Self-pitying nonsense.
856
01:06:34,050 --> 01:06:37,750
But at my age, I find myself
writing too many letters
of condolences
857
01:06:37,820 --> 01:06:41,620
to the bereaved widows
of clam-brained generals
858
01:06:41,690 --> 01:06:44,790
I never cared for
in the first place.
859
01:06:45,830 --> 01:06:48,260
I suppose that makes me
a hypocrite.
860
01:06:48,330 --> 01:06:50,930
That's another word
for good manners.
861
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:53,790
What news have
you brought me?
862
01:06:53,870 --> 01:06:56,270
Well, it's about
Mr. Keegan, sir.
863
01:06:56,870 --> 01:06:59,710
Anything about
the Special Projects report?
864
01:06:59,940 --> 01:07:04,110
No, nothing like that,
General. No sign
of anything like that.
865
01:07:07,350 --> 01:07:10,010
But that brings up the subject
of your own feelings, sir,
866
01:07:10,090 --> 01:07:12,420
your interest
in this report.
867
01:07:12,860 --> 01:07:17,790
A place like the Foundation.
There must be plenty of
reports you never get to read.
868
01:07:18,830 --> 01:07:22,990
Maybe you can tell me
what's so special about
the Special Projects report.
869
01:07:29,010 --> 01:07:30,940
And if I choose
not to answer your question?
870
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:36,640
Well, sir,
it's a policeman's question.
We expect to get our answers.
871
01:07:40,750 --> 01:07:45,450
The Special Projects Fund
is discretionary, and I wasn't
aware of that until recently.
872
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:48,810
When you deal with
other people's discretion,
873
01:07:48,890 --> 01:07:51,920
that leaves a hole
for the devil to pop up.
874
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:55,300
And I think perhaps
he's already poked
his nose out.
875
01:07:56,900 --> 01:07:58,730
Do you mind
if I took a look
at this, sir?
876
01:07:59,400 --> 01:08:02,240
Well, it's hardly necessary
for an accident investigation.
877
01:08:03,610 --> 01:08:07,300
Well, General, I'm sorry
to have to tell you this,
878
01:08:07,610 --> 01:08:09,600
but it's not
an accident anymore.
879
01:08:10,820 --> 01:08:15,680
Your friend Mr. Keegan...
We now know that Mr. Keegan
was murdered.
880
01:08:16,850 --> 01:08:18,320
Murdered?
881
01:08:18,590 --> 01:08:19,850
A murder.
882
01:08:19,920 --> 01:08:22,590
That's a completely
different kind
of investigation.
883
01:08:23,230 --> 01:08:25,530
And there'll be
more questions.
884
01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:48,410
I don't know why you're
telling me these things.
885
01:08:49,450 --> 01:08:53,950
That's police business.
All police business.
886
01:08:57,030 --> 01:08:59,090
I can't help you.
887
01:08:59,300 --> 01:09:00,990
There's nothing I can do.
888
01:09:03,170 --> 01:09:05,830
It's terrible.
Terrible.
889
01:09:05,900 --> 01:09:08,870
I understand, sir.
We'll talk another time.
890
01:09:08,940 --> 01:09:11,270
Yes, yes, please.
891
01:09:11,340 --> 01:09:13,040
Good night, General.
892
01:09:49,480 --> 01:09:51,380
Who is it?
Who's there?
893
01:09:51,980 --> 01:09:53,180
Jack?
894
01:09:53,320 --> 01:09:57,480
Oh, Jenny, good.
I want to talk to you.
895
01:10:00,860 --> 01:10:02,330
I want to talk
to you, too.
896
01:10:14,570 --> 01:10:16,560
I saw Lieutenant Columbo.
897
01:10:17,270 --> 01:10:21,710
He told you about
all this awful
murder business?
898
01:10:23,580 --> 01:10:29,040
Yes. And some other things
from his investigation.
899
01:10:31,390 --> 01:10:34,080
The things
we have to talk about.
900
01:10:34,160 --> 01:10:36,750
This is of no concern...
901
01:10:37,830 --> 01:10:40,520
Please, Jack,
don't look at me.
Not yet.
902
01:10:42,430 --> 01:10:46,370
Lieutenant Columbo knows
what I have to tell you now
903
01:10:47,440 --> 01:10:50,340
about someone in my life.
904
01:10:51,710 --> 01:10:55,340
A relationship I swore
you'd never know about.
905
01:10:56,980 --> 01:11:02,610
A man I could never care for
the way we care
for each other.
906
01:11:06,460 --> 01:11:09,760
Jenny, you're a young woman.
907
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:13,030
Strong, lovely,
908
01:11:14,060 --> 01:11:17,300
full of needs
that I can't
provide for you.
909
01:11:18,270 --> 01:11:23,330
Do you really believe
that I haven't made
any allowances for that?
910
01:11:29,110 --> 01:11:31,710
I never wanted
to hurt you, Jack.
Shh.
911
01:11:34,080 --> 01:11:37,250
You've been
the most loving companion
912
01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:40,780
that I ever could have
been blessed with.
913
01:11:41,390 --> 01:11:44,560
And for the rest of it,
I want to thank you
for your discretion.
914
01:11:46,560 --> 01:11:50,900
And now if you need to tell me
who, when, where,
I beg of you.
915
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:53,590
Don't.
916
01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:57,870
With all my heart, don't.
917
01:11:58,710 --> 01:12:00,570
Please, Jenny,
I couldn't bear it.
918
01:12:06,880 --> 01:12:08,650
(ORGAN PLAYlNG)
919
01:13:05,710 --> 01:13:07,940
You the investigating officer?
920
01:13:08,150 --> 01:13:11,010
Yes, sir.
Lieutenant Columbo.
921
01:13:11,750 --> 01:13:13,220
Marty Tanzer.
922
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:20,750
Just want to wish you
the best of luck.
923
01:13:54,930 --> 01:14:00,020
You're the only one here
who wished me good luck, sir.
Any particular reason?
924
01:14:01,830 --> 01:14:03,820
Keegan was an old friend.
925
01:14:05,240 --> 01:14:07,570
May I ask
when you saw him last?
926
01:14:09,540 --> 01:14:12,840
Seven years ago.
Since I've been
in Washington.
927
01:14:13,140 --> 01:14:16,310
Seven years.
Well, thank you
very much, Sergeant.
928
01:14:16,550 --> 01:14:19,240
Seven years,
except for the phone calls.
929
01:14:25,420 --> 01:14:27,250
Any recent calls?
930
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:32,790
The last one
on the morning
of the day he died.
931
01:14:32,860 --> 01:14:35,020
Phone calls about what,
Sergeant?
932
01:14:35,100 --> 01:14:37,120
I can't say.
You can't say?
933
01:14:39,140 --> 01:14:40,500
Classified.
934
01:14:40,770 --> 01:14:43,500
Mr. Keegan told you
something classified?
935
01:14:45,610 --> 01:14:47,170
I told him.
936
01:14:48,650 --> 01:14:49,910
(COUGHS)
937
01:14:49,980 --> 01:14:51,850
Military intelligence.
938
01:14:52,580 --> 01:14:56,750
Right.
Military intelligence.
939
01:14:57,990 --> 01:14:59,620
Can you tell me?
940
01:14:59,690 --> 01:15:01,020
Can't.
941
01:15:01,090 --> 01:15:04,530
The police.
I'm the police.
You can tell the police.
942
01:15:04,930 --> 01:15:06,790
I can't talk about it.
943
01:15:09,370 --> 01:15:11,100
(SlGHlNG)
944
01:15:11,240 --> 01:15:16,370
If you ever see your way clear
to talk about it,
give me a call.
945
01:15:50,910 --> 01:15:52,400
How about now?
946
01:16:19,570 --> 01:16:22,000
I've got them in my hand,
Colonel.
947
01:16:23,070 --> 01:16:25,270
Yes, sir.
In the shredder.
948
01:16:25,340 --> 01:16:28,330
Okay, and I'll give
the lieutenant your message.
949
01:16:32,520 --> 01:16:33,640
I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
950
01:16:33,720 --> 01:16:35,880
Colonel Brailie
won't be available
for the rest of the day.
951
01:16:36,750 --> 01:16:38,020
Ah.
952
01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:40,620
Well, that's too bad, ma'am.
953
01:16:40,690 --> 01:16:44,390
These fortunetelling sticks.
I gotta have a lot of help.
954
01:16:44,860 --> 01:16:48,920
This one here, ma'am.
This is either a Wei,
955
01:16:49,300 --> 01:16:52,500
which means a father
is having trouble
with his son,
956
01:16:52,570 --> 01:16:57,200
or it's a Kun, which means
a young fox just crossed
the river.
957
01:16:57,670 --> 01:17:00,270
I'm not too sure
about the Kun part.
958
01:17:00,340 --> 01:17:03,540
And then there's all this
about Yin Yang.
What's a Yin Yang?
959
01:17:03,610 --> 01:17:06,280
No, it's yin and yang,
Lieutenant.
960
01:17:06,350 --> 01:17:08,750
I think it's the tension
between opposites.
961
01:17:08,820 --> 01:17:11,290
Like black and white,
light and dark.
962
01:17:11,360 --> 01:17:12,650
Sweet and sour.
963
01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:14,320
Hot and...
964
01:17:16,330 --> 01:17:18,760
Is this a Special Projects
report, Lieutenant?
965
01:17:18,830 --> 01:17:21,200
Yes, ma'am.
I'm reading that.
966
01:17:22,300 --> 01:17:24,290
Did that come
from Colonel Brailie?
967
01:17:24,370 --> 01:17:27,530
Oh, yes, yes. Definitely
from Colonel Brailie.
968
01:17:28,070 --> 01:17:30,900
Did he give you
the old report
or the new report?
969
01:17:35,250 --> 01:17:38,580
Well, that's hard to say,
ma'am. What do you think?
970
01:17:40,320 --> 01:17:44,340
Well, the old report
was in the red holder.
971
01:17:45,760 --> 01:17:49,280
So the red letters
on the gray cover must be
the old report.
972
01:17:49,360 --> 01:17:52,260
Unless it was the gray cover
in the green holder.
973
01:17:52,330 --> 01:17:54,760
That would have to be
the new report.
974
01:17:54,830 --> 01:17:57,100
Or maybe it was vice versa.
975
01:17:57,170 --> 01:17:59,500
Unless it was
the other way around,
976
01:17:59,570 --> 01:18:02,630
in which case,
this would go here.
977
01:18:03,040 --> 01:18:06,410
Well, this is the red cover
in the red holder, ma'am.
978
01:18:06,840 --> 01:18:10,110
Otherwise, it'd be opposite,
like yin and yang.
979
01:18:10,650 --> 01:18:12,910
Please, Lieutenant,
don't get me confused.
980
01:18:12,980 --> 01:18:14,810
Now, let me have
the red holder.
981
01:18:14,890 --> 01:18:17,650
You're not supposed
to have the red holder,
anyway.
982
01:18:17,720 --> 01:18:21,660
The gray cover with the red
letters goes with the new
report in the green holder,
983
01:18:21,730 --> 01:18:23,690
and that's in here.
984
01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:25,690
If the green holder
had a report
with a green cover,
985
01:18:25,760 --> 01:18:28,750
we'd know exactly
where we are.
I think.
986
01:18:28,830 --> 01:18:33,170
So this report also goes
with the green holder.
987
01:18:33,240 --> 01:18:36,400
Now, the red holder
has the red cover
with the black letters in...
988
01:18:36,470 --> 01:18:38,000
Lieutenant.
989
01:18:48,820 --> 01:18:50,340
Lieutenant?
990
01:18:51,420 --> 01:18:52,820
Lieutenant?
991
01:19:03,130 --> 01:19:06,760
Good evening, Colonel.
The general will be
pleased to see you.
992
01:19:06,840 --> 01:19:08,000
Is he in the pool house?
993
01:19:08,070 --> 01:19:10,770
No, sir. I'll tell him
that you're here.
994
01:19:48,710 --> 01:19:50,150
Thank you for coming.
995
01:19:50,610 --> 01:19:54,280
My pleasure, sir.
You got the wrong report.
996
01:19:55,090 --> 01:19:57,990
This is the one
you weren't supposed to see.
997
01:19:59,060 --> 01:20:00,650
Is that all you can say?
998
01:20:03,460 --> 01:20:05,550
We try to protect you
from these things, Jack.
999
01:20:09,930 --> 01:20:12,130
Your Special Projects?
1000
01:20:12,200 --> 01:20:13,930
Here and there.
1001
01:20:14,600 --> 01:20:16,130
Africa.
1002
01:20:19,780 --> 01:20:21,540
Illegal gun running!
1003
01:20:23,080 --> 01:20:24,940
Foundation funds.
1004
01:20:25,020 --> 01:20:26,610
Arms transfers.
1005
01:20:27,980 --> 01:20:30,610
That's what our beloved
sponsors really hope
they're buying.
1006
01:20:30,690 --> 01:20:32,750
Just a little blood.
Don't you know that?
1007
01:20:32,820 --> 01:20:35,490
Secret little excursions
beyond the law.
1008
01:20:35,560 --> 01:20:39,330
Secret guns for secret
friends, in the interest
of our country.
1009
01:20:39,900 --> 01:20:42,260
You thieving bastard!
1010
01:20:43,570 --> 01:20:46,000
Spinning your foreign
bank accounts.
1011
01:20:46,070 --> 01:20:48,700
A dollar for guns,
a dollar for you,
1012
01:20:48,770 --> 01:20:51,540
all wrapped up
in the Foundation flag!
1013
01:20:51,610 --> 01:20:54,810
A thing like that, Jack,
if it ever comes out,
1014
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:58,750
even General Padget
could get chewed up
in the machine.
1015
01:20:58,820 --> 01:21:03,450
A co-conspirator
or an inept fool.
1016
01:21:04,550 --> 01:21:06,080
Any preference?
1017
01:21:09,790 --> 01:21:13,960
Just one.
To see you in prison.
1018
01:21:15,030 --> 01:21:17,630
Any price, any cost.
1019
01:21:18,900 --> 01:21:20,530
You go to hell.
1020
01:21:22,210 --> 01:21:23,760
General, you'll do
what you have to do.
1021
01:21:23,840 --> 01:21:27,000
In the end you'll beg me
to take back that report.
1022
01:21:29,080 --> 01:21:30,710
For Jenny's sake.
1023
01:21:32,850 --> 01:21:34,010
Jenny?
1024
01:21:35,590 --> 01:21:38,780
Do you really want me
to admit how many times
she's made love to me?
1025
01:21:40,060 --> 01:21:43,620
How many afternoons
in our own apartment?
1026
01:21:44,130 --> 01:21:45,750
In our own bed?
1027
01:21:46,430 --> 01:21:49,400
The devil's in the details,
Jack.
1028
01:21:49,570 --> 01:21:52,330
Shocked people love
shocking details.
1029
01:21:53,970 --> 01:21:56,200
What we said to each other,
1030
01:21:57,340 --> 01:21:59,400
what we did for each other.
1031
01:22:00,810 --> 01:22:03,680
If you open up
the Special Projects Fund,
1032
01:22:05,420 --> 01:22:07,540
well, that doesn't give me
much to lose.
1033
01:22:08,520 --> 01:22:11,420
What you lose,
what Jenny loses...
1034
01:22:12,290 --> 01:22:15,730
Well, that's up to you, sir,
isn't it?
1035
01:22:18,090 --> 01:22:19,320
Jack.
1036
01:22:22,770 --> 01:22:24,430
Advise him, Jenny.
1037
01:22:28,810 --> 01:22:31,640
I think you would
want this back.
Don't!
1038
01:22:32,810 --> 01:22:34,800
JENNY: Whatever he says.
1039
01:22:36,080 --> 01:22:38,670
I won't have
any further need for it.
1040
01:22:45,020 --> 01:22:46,610
And copies, sir?
1041
01:22:48,590 --> 01:22:50,920
Lieutenant Columbo's copy
is on my desk.
1042
01:22:53,230 --> 01:22:55,360
Thank you for understanding.
1043
01:23:02,870 --> 01:23:06,240
Perhaps you'd be good enough
to fix me a cup of chocolate.
1044
01:23:06,310 --> 01:23:08,300
You know how I like it.
1045
01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:27,950
COLUMBO: Colonel Brailie.
1046
01:23:28,400 --> 01:23:32,990
I was hoping we'd
run into each other again,
and here you are, sir.
1047
01:23:33,070 --> 01:23:36,300
I see you've found
the I Ching stick.
1048
01:23:36,370 --> 01:23:39,000
Is that the Kui
symbol, sir?
1049
01:23:39,080 --> 01:23:41,510
Yes, Lieutenant,
it appears to be a Kui.
1050
01:23:41,580 --> 01:23:45,310
Well, the I Ching book,
it was very baffling
about the Kui.
1051
01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:49,220
Something about a culprit
who walks on his toes
1052
01:23:49,290 --> 01:23:51,550
because the police
are looking for him.
1053
01:23:51,620 --> 01:23:54,110
Why would he walk
on his toes?
1054
01:23:55,430 --> 01:23:57,480
Why would the police
be looking for him?
1055
01:24:00,460 --> 01:24:02,160
I think it's
a kind of warning.
1056
01:24:04,600 --> 01:24:06,730
Like the shrunken head, sir.
1057
01:24:08,240 --> 01:24:11,070
Yes, Lieutenant,
much like a shrunken head.
1058
01:24:11,240 --> 01:24:13,870
Well, I'll certainly
bear that in mind.
1059
01:24:14,610 --> 01:24:17,550
I'm sure this is what
you came here for, Colonel.
1060
01:24:17,610 --> 01:24:19,810
Your Special Projects report.
1061
01:24:20,220 --> 01:24:24,450
And I know that you're anxious
to be on your way,
so good night, sir.
1062
01:24:29,590 --> 01:24:31,490
Good night, Lieutenant.
1063
01:24:32,230 --> 01:24:35,890
All the things in that report,
the arms and all,
and the foreign bank accounts,
1064
01:24:35,970 --> 01:24:38,900
Mr. Keegan,
he never saw the report,
1065
01:24:40,170 --> 01:24:43,040
but he did know
about those things, sir.
1066
01:24:44,570 --> 01:24:46,870
Do you think
that's why he was murdered?
1067
01:24:53,880 --> 01:24:55,870
What do you think,
Lieutenant?
1068
01:24:55,950 --> 01:25:01,080
Well, sir, the way I see it,
there's Mr. Keegan
getting telephone calls
1069
01:25:01,160 --> 01:25:04,820
from an intelligence friend
in Washington
about the Foundation,
1070
01:25:05,530 --> 01:25:08,430
and about the guns
to Africa.
1071
01:25:08,500 --> 01:25:11,520
And Mr. Keegan,
he needs a new job,
1072
01:25:12,100 --> 01:25:15,590
and I have to consider
that maybe Mr. Keegan...
1073
01:25:16,140 --> 01:25:19,800
The best job
he could find would be
in the blackmail business.
1074
01:25:19,880 --> 01:25:21,740
Somebody
at the Foundation.
1075
01:25:21,810 --> 01:25:25,770
And the blackmail, that would
be the motive for the murder.
1076
01:25:26,620 --> 01:25:28,410
Would you agree with me
on that one, sir?
1077
01:25:30,620 --> 01:25:32,520
A possibility.
1078
01:25:32,590 --> 01:25:37,150
Unless you're implying
I was the target
of Keegan's blackmail.
1079
01:25:38,860 --> 01:25:42,090
Oh, no, sir.
I'm implying
more than that.
1080
01:25:42,730 --> 01:25:45,570
I'm implying
that you murdered the man.
1081
01:25:48,170 --> 01:25:50,970
Then I'd better walk
on my toes, Lieutenant.
1082
01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:56,680
I was here when Lester
was murdered,
remember?
1083
01:25:57,480 --> 01:26:00,420
I spent the evening
setting up all this.
Hardly a trifle.
1084
01:26:00,480 --> 01:26:03,350
Oh, I can see that, sir.
Hours of work.
1085
01:26:03,750 --> 01:26:08,750
And right there.
That's where you
got me beat.
1086
01:26:09,860 --> 01:26:13,350
Your alibi, sir.
It's a perfect alibi.
1087
01:26:13,430 --> 01:26:17,460
How can I even
begin to make a case
with an alibi like that?
1088
01:26:18,200 --> 01:26:20,070
I'm glad you agree.
1089
01:26:22,770 --> 01:26:26,540
You know, Colonel,
the way we always agree
with one another,
1090
01:26:26,610 --> 01:26:28,600
that's amazing,
1091
01:26:28,680 --> 01:26:32,640
considering the fact
that we really don't
like one another.
1092
01:26:32,750 --> 01:26:34,610
Would you agree
with me on that?
1093
01:26:35,750 --> 01:26:37,740
I think I'd have to agree.
1094
01:26:37,820 --> 01:26:40,020
You see?
We agree again.
1095
01:26:42,130 --> 01:26:44,590
What would you say
about this, sir?
1096
01:26:47,130 --> 01:26:49,000
I'd say it looks
like a toy soldier.
1097
01:26:49,800 --> 01:26:53,930
I found him.
You want to know where?
1098
01:26:55,100 --> 01:26:56,500
If you like.
1099
01:26:57,440 --> 01:27:00,030
Right here, sir,
is where I found him.
1100
01:27:01,540 --> 01:27:05,840
The day after the murder.
Behind the Civil War books,
1101
01:27:06,550 --> 01:27:08,640
by this bookend.
1102
01:27:08,720 --> 01:27:11,150
Do you see
where I found him, sir?
1103
01:27:11,250 --> 01:27:13,550
Yes, Lieutenant.
I see exactly.
1104
01:27:13,620 --> 01:27:16,820
Well, that's very confusing.
That's puzzling, sir.
1105
01:27:17,090 --> 01:27:19,820
Right away, I don't know
what to make of it.
1106
01:27:19,900 --> 01:27:24,530
According to the General's
orderly, the carton of books
came in the morning,
1107
01:27:24,600 --> 01:27:28,000
and the soldiers were
delivered at night.
Am I right?
1108
01:27:28,070 --> 01:27:30,100
Right you are,
Lieutenant.
1109
01:27:30,670 --> 01:27:33,570
Then if the books
came first,
1110
01:27:33,640 --> 01:27:37,040
how did the soldier end up
behind the books?
1111
01:27:38,480 --> 01:27:41,470
Ah, I sense a trap.
1112
01:27:42,920 --> 01:27:46,120
Maybe a woman sitting
on a well, sir.
1113
01:27:46,190 --> 01:27:50,150
Lieutenant,
I used this shelf...
1114
01:27:55,030 --> 01:27:58,130
to group my soldiers.
1115
01:27:58,740 --> 01:28:02,260
I didn't put the books there
until all this was done.
1116
01:28:02,670 --> 01:28:05,870
One errant soldier
got left behind.
1117
01:28:07,080 --> 01:28:08,570
This one.
1118
01:28:09,350 --> 01:28:11,780
Well, that would
explain him, sir.
1119
01:28:13,080 --> 01:28:15,950
But then there's
all these books.
1120
01:28:17,220 --> 01:28:18,690
You see?
1121
01:28:19,660 --> 01:28:23,420
All these Civil War books
that you ordered
for the General.
1122
01:28:23,490 --> 01:28:25,690
I'm perfectly aware
of the Civil War books,
Lieutenant.
1123
01:28:25,760 --> 01:28:28,090
Do you plan
to borrow them?
1124
01:28:28,160 --> 01:28:30,760
No, no, no, sir.
No, nothing like that.
1125
01:28:31,000 --> 01:28:33,230
Would you give
me a hand, sir?
1126
01:28:33,770 --> 01:28:38,610
Since you insist.
The books in the box.
1127
01:28:43,310 --> 01:28:46,280
Well, there it is again, sir.
Interesting.
1128
01:28:46,450 --> 01:28:49,250
You see how interesting
that is, sir?
1129
01:28:49,320 --> 01:28:50,310
The books?
1130
01:28:50,390 --> 01:28:53,010
And the carton.
It won't close.
1131
01:28:53,260 --> 01:28:55,690
There's too many books
for the carton.
1132
01:28:55,760 --> 01:28:57,920
Well, obviously there's
a proper way to pack
the books.
1133
01:28:57,990 --> 01:29:00,760
Well, sir, no matter
how many times
I tried to pack 'em,
1134
01:29:00,830 --> 01:29:02,460
it always came out the same.
1135
01:29:02,530 --> 01:29:05,020
That's because that box...
1136
01:29:05,100 --> 01:29:09,130
That's a two-cubic-foot box.
I measured that.
1137
01:29:09,740 --> 01:29:11,670
And the books,
1138
01:29:13,140 --> 01:29:17,550
I measured those
at 2.9 cubic feet.
1139
01:29:18,450 --> 01:29:23,250
You see that, Colonel Brailie?
2.9 cubic feet of books.
1140
01:29:24,090 --> 01:29:27,020
How could they fit into
a two-cubic-foot box?
1141
01:29:27,320 --> 01:29:30,350
Well, they can't.
I don't care how
you figure it.
1142
01:29:30,430 --> 01:29:34,230
Metric, liters, kilograms,
whatever.
1143
01:29:35,430 --> 01:29:36,960
But that box...
1144
01:29:42,610 --> 01:29:45,700
This carton marked
"Military Miniatures,"
1145
01:29:45,780 --> 01:29:47,680
that'd be toy soldiers, sir.
1146
01:29:47,740 --> 01:29:49,300
Don't patronize me,
Lieutenant.
1147
01:29:49,380 --> 01:29:54,280
This box, sir,
this is a
3.1-cubic-foot box.
1148
01:29:54,880 --> 01:29:57,680
You see that?
It says it right there, sir.
1149
01:29:57,820 --> 01:30:00,580
And the MacAdam
booksellers,
1150
01:30:00,660 --> 01:30:06,390
they sent me another complete
set of books, just like those
in that box there.
1151
01:30:06,730 --> 01:30:08,490
Exactly the same.
1152
01:30:12,970 --> 01:30:15,270
COLUMBO: And there they are.
1153
01:30:17,540 --> 01:30:22,410
But the books,
they can't fit
in this box, sir.
1154
01:30:23,180 --> 01:30:25,440
That's a scientific fact.
1155
01:30:25,520 --> 01:30:30,480
And from this
scientific fact,
you deduce...
1156
01:30:31,920 --> 01:30:34,950
Well, I would have to say,
sir, that the books...
1157
01:30:35,020 --> 01:30:37,550
The night Mr. Keegan
was murdered,
1158
01:30:37,630 --> 01:30:40,560
the books were delivered here
in the evening
1159
01:30:40,630 --> 01:30:44,030
in that box marked "soldiers",
1160
01:30:44,100 --> 01:30:47,540
and this box,
the one marked "books",
1161
01:30:48,140 --> 01:30:51,370
the box you opened
in the morning, sir?
1162
01:30:51,440 --> 01:30:54,500
I'd say this box had
to have the soldiers.
1163
01:30:55,550 --> 01:30:58,640
So that you could set them
all up here ahead of time,
1164
01:30:58,710 --> 01:31:01,580
for the charge
up Cemetery Hill.
1165
01:31:01,650 --> 01:31:04,680
And that evening
you went to the training camp,
1166
01:31:04,750 --> 01:31:08,190
and you murdered Mr. Keegan
without an alibi, Colonel.
1167
01:31:09,230 --> 01:31:12,390
You murdered him
with no alibi at all,
1168
01:31:12,460 --> 01:31:17,460
unless the jurors manage
to pack all those books
in that box.
1169
01:31:20,100 --> 01:31:22,940
Do you think they could
ever do that, sir?
1170
01:31:23,140 --> 01:31:26,010
I expect they'll have
difficulty, Lieutenant.
1171
01:31:26,780 --> 01:31:30,940
I seem to have
misjudged myself.
1172
01:31:33,180 --> 01:31:34,670
And you.
1173
01:31:37,320 --> 01:31:40,720
I'm curious.
When did you suspect me?
1174
01:31:42,690 --> 01:31:45,180
Well, as long
as you ask, sir,
1175
01:31:46,060 --> 01:31:49,000
that first day
in Mr. Keegan's quarters,
1176
01:31:49,670 --> 01:31:52,760
when I found you scrubbing
my mud off the floor,
1177
01:31:53,470 --> 01:31:57,500
I thought that was peculiar
for someone as arrogant
as you are,
1178
01:31:57,810 --> 01:32:00,110
if you'll excuse me, sir.
1179
01:32:00,180 --> 01:32:03,440
Oh, there's still
one more thing.
1180
01:32:04,250 --> 01:32:06,310
Our lost soldier.
1181
01:32:07,680 --> 01:32:10,240
Where do you think
we should put him?
1182
01:32:13,820 --> 01:32:17,520
It hardly makes any difference
to the battle, Lieutenant.
1183
01:32:19,400 --> 01:32:22,020
It already seems to be lost.
1184
01:32:22,630 --> 01:32:26,530
COLUMBO: Well, sir, this one's
on the side that won.
1185
01:32:27,870 --> 01:32:29,700
Did I read your rights,
Colonel?
1186
01:32:29,770 --> 01:32:32,000
I think I forgot
to read your rights.
1187
01:32:32,070 --> 01:32:36,070
I have the card somewhere.
I know it's here.
1188
01:32:36,150 --> 01:32:37,980
In this pocket.
1189
01:32:38,050 --> 01:32:40,810
No, the other pocket.
1190
01:32:41,120 --> 01:32:43,380
Gee, maybe I forgot
to bring it again.
1191
01:32:43,450 --> 01:32:45,580
No, here it is.
1192
01:32:46,580 --> 01:32:56,580
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
1194
01:32:57,000 --> 01:33:00,138
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