Original subtitles

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ Blow term, blow term, blow term, blow term ♪

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

Yo, this is pickleball,

the fastest growing sport in America.

A game that teaches you white folks

how to bounce back from failure

and how to use that mystical seven foot wide area

on either side of the net to your advantage,

which for some reason

two numbed up brothers call "The kitchen."

I mean, really, bitch, you cooking?

Anyway, like I was saying, it's a game,

which teaches you to not pop the goddamn ball up in the air,

but if you do,

well, fortunately it's basically a big ass Wiffle ball,

but tell that to the guy who just ate his dink for lunch,

and has ball marked semi-permanently

indented into his dumbass forehead.

But apart from the open play,

there's a much darker underworld brewing

just below the clay tile surface here.

A world in which this inherently fun game

has become much more deadly.

Sounds like a good ass movie I'd watch.

These are "The Pickleball Murders", bitch!

Hello?

Over here.

You got a paddle?

Yeah.

In my bag.

I was just hoping

someone would help me understand what I'm doing here.

You want someone else to help you understand

what you are doing here?

I guess.

Yeah, that sounds stupid when you say it out loud.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's why I said it.

Well, look, I just got this note

telling me to show up here,

and I haven't seen anyone around until I saw you.

My point!

I was not ready.

I didn't know we were- - Playing?

Yeah, no, I asked, if you had a paddle?

Are you ready for the spin cycle?

A what?

The spin cycle.

Keep that shit on high.

Oh, totally, I get it.

Down the middle solves the riddle.

Totally, nice shot!

- Trish. - Ah, I'm Chaz.

- Bonner, right? - Yeah.

2019 APA Player of the Year?

Trish Lawless.

I saw you playing in Fairfax, you put on some weight.

Oh, I've been eating my feelings.

Yeah, thanks for noticing.

Wait, Trish Lawless as in PPA's Arizona Cup winner?

Oh, I thought I'd recognize that smash.

If it's high, I make him cry.

I got the same letter, by the way.

Yeah, so any idea what we're doing here?

He Kai, He Kai!

Who the hell is this guy?

I have no clue.

Hi there, my name is Chaz, this is Trish.

Can I assume this is your house?

Well, welcome.

Okay, I see, this is his house.

He is probably the guy that sent us the letters.

Okay.

Hey, what does that mean, He Kai?

It means to gain the approval of the audience,

or to be a killer of someone famous.

Well, Lucy translated, of course.

That's a big difference.

Hey, I know some Mandarin Chinese myself.

Check this out.

Who you hiding?

Why you munching?

No, nothing.

Okay, just tell us what we're doing here then.

Hey, why don't you just come inside?

The others are already waiting.

Sorry about the mess, cleaning lady died.

Wait, she died?

You know what, sucks to be me, right?

She didn't die in the house, did she?

Well, we are not entirely sure.

You see, no one really found her body yet.

So maybe, who knows?

This place is nice.

Hey, can I get you anything to drink?

Water, soda, Sun AD,

cocaine?

I'm sorry, did you say cocaine?

Cocaine, no, of course, not.

We don't have those stuff here,

unless you really want it.

Water stein.

Yeah, water.

So are you gonna tell us what we're doing here?

Well, pickleball tournament, of course.

What else? - I'm sorry.

Did you say, a pickleball tournament?

Yeah.

Did you read the letter I sent you?

Yeah, I did, it said nothing about a tournament.

- Are you sure? - Positive.

Look, it says, "Follow your pickleball dreams,

meet here or don't.

Chong."

And there's like a hand-drawn map of some sort.

Shoot, I must have sent you the wrong letter.

My assistant died last week.

English is my second language.

Wait, what?

So is there a prize?

Prize?

Yeah, what do we get if we win?

Oh, shoot, look at the time.

Time for Chong to get changed.

I'll tell you tonight, but what,

let me slip into something more appropriate for the company,

and when I return, all your question will be answered.

Okay?

Good, todos!

Hey, cocaine, still in the fridge.

I don't want any cocaine.

I wanna know what's for dinner?

Ah, yeah, I don't know.

You do get the joke though, right?

Why are you munching?

No, I get it.

Just it's a little racially insensitive.

Oh, please, get outta the kitchen.

Oh, I totally get that.

Stupid!

Ladies and gentlemen, once again,

welcome to my humble abode.

This place is fucking nice!

Do you mind if I ask what has set you back there, Chang?

Maybe it's nicer than your double-wide.

It's Chong.

You called him Ching, his name is Chong.

On the line, on the line.

Yeah, one more thing there, Chang,

I don't eat no panda, elephant,

or whatever the fuck you trying to even think

it's funny to watch as blue bloods eat.

Blue?

Get blue.

You think our blood is red, you fucking idiot!

I got two weeks of community college

under this fanny pack, you dickweed!

Gotcha, my apologies.

Do you always smoke at the table?

Yeah, I do.

I fucking fart, I smoke, and I spit,

and if the mood strikes me just right,

I just might bend over and wink at you with my brown eye.

Is that okay with you, darling?

- I'm good. - On the line.

On the line.

You said that already, man!

He's got Tourette's, he can't help it.

Yeah, I got Tourette's too.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Well, I've lost my appetite.

What's up with this guy?

What about him?

Gary Cooper, the strong, silent type.

Oh, don't tell me none of you watched "The Sopranos"?

That's Soft Serve Steve, a man of few words.

He prefer to let his play on the court

to do the talking for him.

I don't know about all you, motherfuckers,

but when I hear the word "Soft Serve",

my mind races elsewhere.

- Here we go. - What?

I can't be the only one thanking it,

you might as well just call him Limp Dick Larry,

Or Phoenix Fred.

Herey-herey-woop!

Or Dingle Foot Dave.

What's a dingle foot?

It's when your toes are shaped like a penis.

Totally I knew that.

All right guys, enough!

Why don't you let me explain to you

why I have all of you here today?

As I look around this table,

I see a plethora of pickleball champion:

Trailer Park Teresa, eight-time Palestine Pro M champion;

Larry Lobstopper, six-time APA all-star,

and three-time MPPA MVP;

Trish Lawless, two-time Point champion,

and last year PPA Arizona Cup winner;

Tony Tourettes- - Whoop!

2023 New Jersey Player of the Year;

Steve "Soft Serve" Roberts, this year APA point leaders

and two-time tournament of Boss Championship winner.

Um, something wrong?

No, no, you just forgot me.

Well, of course, Chaz Boner.

Bonner, it's Bonner.

Chaz Bonner, APA Rookie of the Year,

and 2019 Player of the Year.

- You've gained some weight. - Thanks.

Now that we all know who is who, the rules.

Game is to play for three points,

single tournament only, and no doubles.

Sudden death rules always.

The seeding?

Did everybody eat your appetizer?

The spring rolls were like actually delicious.

Well, your seed number

may have got into your first course.

Surprise!

So how the fuck do we know what number we are?

Well, I guess you have to wait

for eight hours to find out.

Like for Teresa, hers is already halfway out.

Lick my fucking split, Lobstopper!

Let's split, lick my split!

Chong, it's getting a little ridiculous.

Yeah, what if you don't have my brand

of coffee in the morning?

Yeah, and I'm partial about toilet.

Well, don't worry,

I may have put some Ex-Lax in your water,

just to help you out.

What do we win?

Single tournament, means the last men

or women standing win,

hmm, $10 million.

Oh, you don't believe me!

Well, I may have the money right here.

Ta-Ta!

Chong, what the hell is that?

You said $10 million.

Well, that is $10 million.

That is a thumb drive.

Well, no, sherlock!

You win a tournament, I gave you the thumb drive

along with the Cayman Island offshore account password.

Easy-peasy wheelers.

Oops!

Look at the time!

Time for Chong to catch some Z's.

I need my 13 hours.

So that's it?

Yeah, that's it.

You go to sleep, you shit out your number in the morning,

and meet me on the court.

Okay?

Good night!

Keep your butthole tight.

Someone has to check if he is a sexual predator.

All right, now listen up,

before all you pickleball-obsessed motherfuckers

start writing the film,

producers let us about how the rules,

that funky little Asian fella just explained aren't real,

and how they'd be faking all that shit, chill!

Sassy Arasida is here to explain pickleball scoring,

according to Chong.

Here to help me explain how this year pickleball tournament

is gonna work is trashy Teresa.

It's Trailer Park Teresa.

That's what I said.

And honey, drop the attitude,

I don't play that shit.

Anyway, here to help this backwards trophy wife

is this dummy.

I know, right?

Literally this is a dummy.

Anyway, the game is pretty much played

as it normally would be

except in sudden death strong rules.

We play the best of three.

Serve it, girl!

See there, the dummy standing there,

like a stupid ass dummy

letting the ball drop right past him and shit,

so Trailer Park gets the point.

So now the score is one to nothing.

Go on TP, do your thing.

Stupid dummy, at least get a paddle!

Another point for Trailer Park.

And that's it, folks.

First player with the two points wins.

You get it?

I know it's not how the real game is played,

but dude, it's a movie.

By the way, nice fanny pack, TP!

Anyway, back to Chaz Bonner, Trish Lawless,

and the rest of the gang.

Hey!

Some dinner, huh?

Yeah, it was interesting.

So my room is at the end of the hall.

Good night, fatty!

I'm not that fat.

I mean, what do you think about all this?

- Which part? - Chong, the $10 million.

$10 million.

- Good night, Tony! - Good night, Tony!

Whoop, eh!

- Jesus! - My God!

I mean, how do we know the thumb drive isn't just blank,

or the only thing on it is like two girls

and one cup.

What is that?

What?

Better see him right here right now.

Dude, two girls, one cup.

Let him through.

Just let him through.

What's up, honey?

Hey, I'm getting older.

What is that?

It's this gross video, it's a precise point.

No, well, it's a lot of money,

and this house is pretty awesome.

So I say we just show up tomorrow morning on the court,

shit out our numbers and take the game as it comes.

The day I hit my first earning,

I fell in love with the game.

Yeah, me too.

All right, Boner!

Bonner.

- Good talk. - Yeah.

I'll see you in the morning.

Yeah.

Thank you for that surprise.

Jesus!

Hi!

You smell Etherealki.

Not in a good way.

No wait, I need to go!

$10 million, whoop!

Nice serve, Bonner!

What are you doing here, Lobstopper?

I'll play you for her.

Play for who?

You know who.

That was out, Bonner?

That was in.

Oh, you're gonna walk away?

You gonna walk away, huh?

Because you got beat by Fatty,

Fatty fucking Magoo!

Okay.

Oh, I feel it!

Come on!

Oh, come on!

Be good!

Oh, which number did you work for?

Come on!

Oh God!

Oh, oh, the Joe means plug meal.

No, it's too much, it's too much.

Oh come on, Chaz!

Last name is a boner.

Oh, your last name is a boner.

Oh, God!

Oh, so much cheese and sugar

Oh God!

There I go.

No, no, fuck!

Oh God!

Oh, I feel like a volleyball.

Oh, God!

Oh, please!

Oh, I don't need to know what my seeding is.

Oh, it's logs.

Logs just kind of shit.

Damn, a happy place.

On the chord.

Hmm, oh, oh, it's coming.

Oh, it's just gas!

- Are you all right? - I am so constipated.

Pickleball, two word,

as synonymous as Grand Canyon and RuPaul Drug Race.

Are you sure, Pickleball is one word and RuPaul…

Eh, forget it!

A game that is so complicate to master

that it take not only extreme skill,

but discipline to outsmart your opponents.

I'm sorry, dispin?

Yeah, what pin you're talking about?

Discipline.

Discipline.

As I was saying…

What was I saying?

Goddammit, when did that happen?

Anyway, you got your shitty piece of numbers?

All right, read aloud.

Numero uno, bitches!

Two.

Three.

Four, four, four, eeah, whoop!

Five.

That makes me six.

All right, I guess the game is set.

First up, number one seed, first is number six.

Trailer Park Teresa versus Chaz Boner.

It's Bonner!

That's what I just say.

Okay, warm-up on the court in five.

You all right?

Oh, I'm fine.

Are you sure?

You look a little weird!

Nope, I'm fine.

It's just, it's nervousness, I promise.

Okay.

Look, I need you to stay in the game.

I know you somewhat,

which is more than I can say for these freak shows.

Yeah.

So from what I can remember,

Teresa can't backpedal well,

so if you get in the open, dink it over her head,

and she'll have trouble getting back on her heels.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

So we can trust Chong, and so we stick together.

Okay?

Okay.

- Hey! - Hey!

Drive, drop, dink!

- Yeah. - Repeat it.

God, okay.

Drive, drop, dink.

Yeah, heard.

You got this.

Thanks.

You as likewise as well.

Goddammit!

Oh, it's…

That's a Delio, Boner!

That is the grossest thing I've ever heard.

But I'm ready, let's go.

You fucker!

Oh, game is now one to one.

Next one win.

Ho-ho!

Winner, Chaz Bonner!

Yes, and the winner is Chaz Bonner.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Hey, are you all right?

- You all right? - You good?

Let me get that.

blow on it.

Blow on, oh yeah.

Hey, you gave me, all right?

Eat my ass!

- Okay. - I'm damaged fruit, fucker!

Excuse me, darling!

Yeah,

- Bye from me, Chong! - No, no, no, no!

Chong, what are you doing?

She's gone!

Oh my God!

I think she shit her pants.

It happens sometimes.

That's all she always smells.

Oh God!

You all know the rules.

This isn't funny, Chong!

Yeah?

What do you think I meant when I say "sudden death"?

Oh, right there. - Phone ringing.

Cell phone ringing.

Lunch ready.

Who is hungry?

I'm making panini.

Oh, fuck this!

I'm leaving! - No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Chong, Chong, you can't just kill people!

Don't do this!

Oh yeah!

Guess what, I just did.

Beside what do you care?

You want that $10 million, don't you?

Not if it means you have to kill people to get it.

What are you a hero now, you fat-ass?

We're leaving, Chong!

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Maybe this is a good time for me to tell you,

your seed number and the only thing cooked

into your delicious egg roll last night

this toxin racing through your body right now as we speak.

Trying to leave?

I use this,

a chemical reactor

that sends all your asses to cardiac arrest.

So what is it going to be?

Stay and finish the damn tournament,

or everybody gone bye, bye, bye?

How long is the toxin in our system for?

Not long, three or four days.

Three or four days!

He's got us by the balls.

That's lady ball!

Come on, lunch getting cold.

Someone grab the damn headband.

Me like it!

What do we do now?

We need to get the gun from him.

Even if we get the gun, he still has the detonator.

Someone should call the police.

- What? - It's Steve.

Remember he doesn't speak.

Okay, so we need the gun

and the detonator, yeah? - Yeah.

Y'all will be quiet?

I say we play along.

And what about Teresa?

There's nothing we can do about that now.

I say one of us tries to sneak off during next match.

And what, going to cardiac arrest?

Yeah, if Chong catches any of us trying to sneak off,

he could fly out the handle and kill us all anyway.

Who plays next?

If we go by the seeding, me and Larry.

Okay, I say, we go in the house,

have some lunch,

and just figure out some sort of plan that makes sense.

The two of you have to put on a hell of a match

and make it last.

Neither of you can lose, yeah?

Panini, panini, chicken pesto.

Exactly!

Is everyone good?

Good?

As good as we can be until we figure something else out.

Got it, got it!

Whoop!

Ladies and gentlemen,

next up we have Trish Lawless versus Larry Lobstopper.

Champion choices, champion, this gotta be good.

And remember, if you lose, your ass is canned.

Ready?

Ready.

All right, let's pickleball, bitches!

Okay, so make sure they have a good volley going,

and that Chong is distracted by the play.

Okay?

I'll sneak in the house and find a phone or something.

I was thinking you, boner!

All right, okay.

Thank you.

Good.

Score is Larry Lobstopper one, Trish serve.

Time out, Chong!

Time out.

Time out.

Larry, what the hell, man?

This is not part of the plan,

you're supposed to keep the game going

for as long as possible.

To hell with that.

If she wins, I die.

That's a risk I'm not willing to take.

Um, he's in it for himself.

He's afraid if he loses, Chong will bust a cap in his ass.

He said that?

More or less.

Yeah, look, the deal is,

you gotta give me some time with this next point.

And the only way to do that, sudden death.

Yeah? - Got it.

Just make it last as long as you can.

The lipstick looks great by the way.

Thanks, I like yours too.

Chong is bored.

Come on, let's paddle.

Whoop!

I'm not that fatty.

Oh, it's

doesn't have a phone.

Do you know why she's dead?

She's dead.

Holy shit, Lawless got the point.

This shit is getting good!

Real good!

Chaz!

God, Jesus, Chong!

God, you scared me!

What are you doing here?

All the actions are outside on the court.

Right, I just had to use the bathroom.

Really?

What's wrong with the one in your room?

Nothing, it's really nothing.

I did run out of toilet paper though.

I really have to go.

Ooh, number two.

Yep.

Why don't you say so?

- Use mine, I got a bidet! - A bidet!

Great!

There's nothing like a fresh clean ass.

Mm-hmm, and you better hurry.

Next point wins.

You don't want to miss the loser get shot.

Get shot!

No, I don't wanna miss that at all.

I'm actually really excited for that part.

- All right then. - So.

- Go. - Excuse me.

Thank you.

Tight games.

The match is now one to one.

Remember, next point win.

Lawless, you'll serve.

This is it, Lawless!

Didn't have to be this way, Larry.

I don't lose, not when there's this much on the line.

Don't lob it.

I never do.

Ho-ho!

Game set, match.

Hmm, so sad.

I don't like that hair, Backstreet Boy!

No, Chong, no!

Well, I guess that concludes today game,

tomorrow we start early.

Well, not too early.

Tony Tourettes, you and Soft Serve are up.

Everybody get some rest.

Be sure to attend the breakfast.

I do have a waffle machine look just like a Mickey Mouse.

Night, night!

Don't make a pillow fight.

Hey!

What the hell happened?

I don't know, I couldn't find a phone,

and then Chong just found me.

$10 million are not

much worth this, I can take.

Trish!

Trish!

Me neither!

Come on, man!

Not you too?

Whoop!

Guys, guys!

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ Blow term, blow term, blow term, blow term, blow term ♪

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ No play, no time

♪ Assistant turn blow blind

♪ Blow term, blow term, blow term, blow term ♪

Come in.

Can I come in?

You already are.

Just shut the door behind you.

How are you feeling?

There's banana splits downstairs.

I don't want Chong's banana split.

Look, about today, I'm sorry.

I tried.

I am.

Doesn't matter.

I think I have another plan.

Again?

Well, okay, one that might actually work this time.

Okay, what is it?

It's complicated,

and I'm not sure you're gonna like it.

Okay, go on.

Well, Steve and Tony play each other

first tomorrow, right?

One of them loses,

and then it's you and me against the winner in the finals.

Yeah?

Yeah.

We have to make sure we are the last two players standing.

Okay, but how is that possible?

I mean, you said it yourself.

Either one of us plays Soft Serve or Tony.

Yeah, but that can't happen, okay?

So look, Chong said we have three

or four days until this poison

kinda clears out of our bodies, or whatever.

It's been about two days.

So that means if we can both survive just two more days,

it'll be you and me in the finals,

and then that means we'll be 2-1-1.

And the detonator will be out of the equation.

Exactly!

Okay.

But for that to happen,

both Tony and Steve would have to lose, how?

Doubles.

What?

I mean, Chong specifically said singles, no doubles.

Yeah, just leave that part up to me.

Look, you and me facing off against each other

in the finals,

by then the detonator will be useless,

and I'll hatch up another plan to help us escape this place.

Yeah?

Are you sure about this?

Uh, I am.

I mean, as much as

I can be anyway.

Besides what choice do I have?

Well, where are you going now?

To convince Chong to change the rules for tomorrow's game.

With a bad reputation,

that sometimes gets away, which should be.

That's a direct quote from this morning's newspaper.

Thank you for the sharing.

I'm quite flattered.

That's what the angry people of this town

think about you, doc.

Good God!

Good God!

Gotcha!

It's not God,

it's me, Chong Soo.

Obviously, I know that, Chong, yeah.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

Sit.

What's up? - Carry on.

Can't sleep?

You wanna rub it off for you?

No, I'm good.

Oh, still hungry?

I got some pineapple hummus.

No, really I'm fine.

Still have that blow, if you want it.

No, Chong, I don't want any drugs

or whatever you're talking about,

I just wanted to ask you something.

So I'm gonna shit the bed.

Talk!

I just wanted

to ask you to reconsider

changing the rules for tomorrow's game.

What rules?

Doubles.

Yeah, what about it?

Well, I want Trish and I to play Steve

and Tony in a doubles match tomorrow.

Now before you say no,

hear me out.

Okay?

So the other night you were talking

about how you were dining amongst a plethora of champions,

which you were right about,

but the fact of the matter is,

none of us have won jack squat in the doubles match.

Look, if you got a point, get there faster.

We're all singles champions.

Yeah, I know shit, and?

But doubles is more aggressive.

You have to cover the center window.

Why not put all four of us to the test?

You seem to enjoy watching the matches.

This will really force us to amp up our game.

You were born in Georgia?

Lawless and Bonner on the same side of the net.

Chong is intrigued.

I tell you what, lemme sleep on it,

you'll have my answer in the morning.

But I can guarantee to you this.

If I find out this is some kind of immunity,

I kill all of you tomorrow,

your girlfriend first.

I dunno.

So?

I don't know, I guess we'll find out in a minute.

You look great, by the way. - Thanks.

Are those children's sunglasses?

Morning, morning!

So slight change of plans today.

Last night I was just laying in bed,

blew the biggest load, and it got me thinking,

why not play in doubles today?

Doubles, doubles, whoop, eeh!

Really put your pickleball skill to the test,

don't you think?

Pair up, let me see what you got.

Well, Chong does not like what he is seeing right now.

Shante, that way!

Yes, you.

You, the other side.

Much better.

Let's do this, bitches!

Go!

What the hell is this, Chaz?

I don't know.

This isn't what we discussed.

Hey, hey, hey, less chatting, more paddle,

Chong is bored.

Pickleball!

Service!

Point.

Point.

What the hell was that?

I won't do it.

He'll kill us, if you don't play.

What does it matter?

Either way we die.

Trish, don't do this!

Hey, what's the hold up?

Tony Tourettes, your ball.

Point.

Dammit, Chaz!

Really?

What?

You know what, Chaz?

Cut the shit!

You can play that game.

If you go down, I go down too.

Love the score.

I like it.

Now we both have to play, like it or not.

Hoo-hoo, that's the point!

Lawless and Soft Serve for the W.

No one saw that coming.

Chaz!

It's okay really, it's fine.

Just promise me you'll make it outta here alive,

$10 million or not, okay?

Okay.

Chong!

What the hell, man?

I know, right?

Surprise! - But why?

Because right here, Chong make the rules,

not Lawless, not Bonner.

So what does this mean for us?

Now we go inside and have a little chat.

Chong Soo,

in Chinese it means

a man who play with integrity and gratitude.

A name that my father passed on to me

as part of our Qing dynasty language,

a time when Mongol horsemen ruled China.

Something you do not know about me is

that in my country I was simply the most distinguished

and well-celebrated pickleball player of all-time.

50 grand champion wins;

many, many slammed victories;

and the only player that was awarded a golden paddle

by the President, Xi Jinping, himself.

I was simply quite the man.

Was?

The house never beats the player,

but the player does to himself.

I start gambling all my winnings,

I start on Pickleball courts.

Not before long, I owned every bookie money.

And the only way out was to sell my golden paddle,

and flee to the dark and dirty underbelly of pickleball.

Japan?

No, Gulf Shores, Alabama.

Over there I challenged cruise ship, director, entertainer,

and frat boy to some pickleball games.

For what?

For some spare change.

That was a dark time of Chong's life.

Guess what?

Just like Barry Bonds or Pete Rose

or any other disgraced sports personality.

Hey, I eventually win all my winning back,

and then once again become beloved by general public-

- Yeah. - All over again.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure

like neither of those two guys had that happen.

Eh, tornado tomato!

The deal is, I am the best because I beat the best.

Tomorrow you two will face off each other,

and the winner is gonna take

Chong Shoo out of retirement once again,

and face me with a one-on-one winner takes all batch.

Chong, this is insane!

Huh, this is perfect!

APA-forbidden.

Anybody who gamble on the game

to step foot on the pickleball court.

So what do I do?

I drag all of you here to my backyard

and make you play for the ultimate prize.

But $10 million isn't the ultimate prize.

Really it's not.

No, Chong, you're killing people here.

You won't get away with this, Chong!

Then I will bring down

the best pickleball player from the world.

If I can't have what I want, no one can.

But pickleball is love

because it's a game anyone can enjoy.

You don't have to be the best to have fun playing it.

That's the whole point of the game.

He's right, anyone can play the sport, champion or not.

Girl, please!

That's only something a loser will say.

What do you think this game is made for,

retirement home, church retreat?

No, I'm pretty sure

that's like exactly who it was made for.

You know what?

Conversation over, Chong is bored.

One of you is gonna die tomorrow.

And remember, try anything funny,

I kill you in your sleep.

Well, that went well.

Right.

Do you trust me?

Maybe.

Just come ready to play tomorrow.

I'll take care of the rest.

Hmm, what was that?

- It's a wink. - No logic, no.

- What, what? - Is a wink?

No, that wasn't, you're blinking both eyes, both.

One's going, right?

- No! - I can't wink?

It's so sad. - I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay?

Game faces.

Chong like it.

Here's the deal, Chong.

You wanna pretend that you were the best, then prove it.

Chong is the best.

I got a golden paddle, remember?

No, you sold your golden paddle

to pay off your gambling debts.

That doesn't mean anything.

You, you go play!

Give it up, Chong!

That toxin is well out of our system by now,

and you're not gonna shoot us.

Oh really, smarty-pant!

Let's see about that.

You are thinking about this all wrong, man!

You were the best back then, an ocean away,

but you're also standing on discord with the best right now.

You want that glory back?

You don't need a golden paddle,

you only need one thing.

Oh yeah, and what is that?

Play the both of us, handicap match.

Do I look handicap to you?

No, that's not what I meant.

You play Trish and I to one-on-one.

And what do I get out of this when I win?

If you win,

you get to kill us both,

and live on knowing you probably beat

six of the best pickleball players on God's green earth.

So what's it gonna be, Chong?

The man who plays with integrity and gratitude,

or just another washed-up pickleball player

with a story to tell anyone who will listen.

I'll tell you what, Chaz,

you got both pickleball.

You want a handicap match?

I gave you the handicap match.

Winner takes all.

All right,

game on, Chong.

Are you sure about this?

It's a little late for second guessing.

Well, in that case.

In case this doesn't go our way.

Ew, you two get a room!

Service!

Remember, if Chong wanted soft serve,

shoot one up for ice cream.

Goddamn, right!

Ball is out!

Nope, that's bullshit, Chong, you hit the line!

Line is out.

No, line is in.

Hey, my court, my rule, lover boy!

What, you wanna give up right now?

I'm never gonna win with him

making up the rules as he goes.

Yeah, we can.

Serve the damn ball, Chong!

What, you gonna call that one out too?

Lucky shot!

You ain't going to be that lucky next time, bitch!

My serve, ball?

Hey, I'll serve.

Are you sure?

Trust me.

Chong's backhand is weak.

My serve is more spin than yours.

This point wins, make it count.

I always do.

Good game, bitches!

I beat you fair and square, Chong!

It's over.

Of course, it's over.

Chong shot himself in his ass.

What about the money?

What's password?

Golden Corral.

What?

Your password is Golden Corral?

Yeah,

1399.

Oh, all-you-can-eat.

You American are so entitled.

You're gonna have to answer for the others, Chong!

It's okay.

Chong will be gone by then.

Oh yeah.

One more thing about my name.

What about it?

It doesn't mean a man who play with integrity and gratitude.

What does it mean then?

Rooster?

A small cock,

I also have a small cock.

My father is an asshole.

Is he…?

He's gone.

- Okay. - Okay.

What do we do now?

Would you like to have dinner with me?

I'm buying.

Only thing is, you gotta pay me for it.

- Pay for what? - The date.

Good serve, Lawless!

Well, there you go, a happy ending.

Well, sorta.

There's still a bunch of dead bodies to answer for,

but you know what I mean.

This is Sassy Arasida saying so long from Chong's backyard.

Peace, bitches!

Outline Hospital, bro!

I brought the book though.

Damn!

I hate when I do this.

Night out, hiphop.com.

♪ Yeah

♪ Holy smoke, some no joke out the bullpen ♪

♪ Bringing nothing but heat

♪ Leave you hanging like closed pen ♪

♪ He's a beast when he goes in

♪ Ice cold frozen

♪ The first round draft pick number one chosen ♪

♪ Truck bombs explosion

♪ A self-promotion

♪ And I keep shit moving like a flanker in motion ♪

♪ I'm the number one spokesman

♪ It's my devotion that I'm dedicated to the rhyme ♪

♪ It's my own notion

♪ Round one is the potion

♪ It put hammer on your chest

♪ Or you could put one in the urn there ♪

♪ To put you to rest

♪ Sweet dreams

♪ I'm about to fade

♪ I got my mind, all my money in ♪

♪ I'm dreaming about getting the soul paid ♪

♪ Mr. Go Getter, Mr. Assertive, Mr. Initiative ♪

♪ Geez

♪ Mr. Results, man, I'm all about my business, kid ♪

♪ Damn

♪ I mean, need I say more?

♪ I mean, what more can I say?

♪ You know the play

♪ Back for the last time

♪ This time I mean that

♪ I did a lot of shows, but you ain't never seen that ♪

♪ I did a lot of battles

♪ I ain't even have to win it

♪ I hit them with the song

♪ They ain't even trying to spin it ♪

♪ I took a lot of pictures

♪ What the fuck!

♪ I ain't in it

♪ But when I hit the mic, I crash ♪

♪ Y'all did it

♪ I did a lot of promo

♪ Did a lot of interviews

♪ Y'all getting hated and a lot have been accused ♪

♪ What else?

♪ Misunderstood and ridiculed

♪ What else?

♪ Acting like I ain't never been to school ♪

♪ Shit

♪ How soon they forget

♪ I stood the test of time

♪ But why now she, yeah

♪ Best is yeah

♪ Best that, uh-huh

♪ Won this one that will kill tracks ♪

♪ Hey

♪ Videos with the city in the back in the sun ♪

♪ Rooftop and the diamond in the hair ♪

♪ Hey

♪ Videos with the city in the back in the sun rooftop ♪

Yeah.

Yeah, no, actually, that's six months of Viagra

and three months of pre-ejaculation wipes.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, that's it.

And when you say discrete packaging,

what do you mean by that exactly?

Because the last bag you sent was very phallic.

It had like a limp dick drawn on it, it-

Surprise!

Chong!

I'm not Chong, I'm Ching.

Wait, your name is Ching?

Yeah.

Your name is Ching and your brother's name is Chong?

My parents are real assholes.

I'm sure when they named us,

they just dropped all the bowls

and pans to see how they sound.

I am Ching, my twin brother is Chong,

and you are the one who killed him.

What, wait, wait!

I didn't kill your brother.

I promise.

Chong basically held us hostage in his house

and forced us to play pickleball.

And then when he lost, he slipped and fell back

and the gun kind of went…

He shot himself in his asshole.

Oh yeah, I'm sure that happens.

No, that's the truth.

I promise, you have my word.

You will reject to me.

Where are the $10 million right now?

Yeah.

Trish, one of the other players,

she took it to the police,

so no one has Chong's money,

it's gone.

Well, shit!

Ching, for what it's worth,

I am really, really sorry about Chong,

but he had some issues.

I mean, did you know he railed lines like Elton John?

The man was an Asian Keith Richards.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what?

We should do something to honor Chong Soo.

Honor!

How?

Pickleball tournament!

No!

No, no, no, no way, man!

I'm not going through that shit again.

Did you know,

I have not been able to get hard-on in a month,

much less play competitive match?

Dude, that sounds like a personal problem.

And funny, your name is Chaz Boner.

It's Bonner!

It's Bonner.

That's what I just say, Chaz Bonner.

This time we play for the ultimate prize.

Again? - Come again?

No, it's just, last time Chong said,

the ultimate prize was $10 million too.

Anyway, continue.

This time we play for Chong's golden paddle.

I thought Chong sold his golden paddle

to pay off his gambling debts.

He did, but lucky for Ching,

I know exactly where to find it,

but first we may have to go steal it.

Steal!

Ching, no, I cannot do this!

Of course, you can!

Come now, we got a long flight to catch.

Flight!

To where?

The birthplace of Ching and Chong.

We're going to China!