Original subtitles

HEY, CARMEN, WANT TO READ ME ONE OF YOUR POEMS?

OH, I DON'T HAVE TIME.

I'M GOING TO THE MALL WITH DANIELLE TO GET SOME SHOES.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

OH, HEY, MAX!

YOU WANT SOME HELP ON THAT ART PROJECT?

NOT NOW, MOM.

I'M FIGHTING MY WAY THROUGH THE DUNGEON

TRYING TO GET THE GOLDEN CHALICE.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A CHALICE IS?

IT'S SOMETHING THAT FIVE DRAGONS, A TROLL, AND YOU

ARE KEEPING ME FROM GETTING.

WELL, HEY! HOW ABOUT I FIGHT ALONGSIDE YOU?

NO. MOM, DON'T!

AAH!

[ SIGHS ]

GREAT. YOU JUST KILLED ME. I'M DEAD.

I'M DEAD!

WHAT YOU DOING, MR. NEEDLES?

YOU WANT TO PLAY?

[ BARKS, GROWLS ]

OKAY.

HEY, BENNY!

[ GROWLS, BARKS ]

HUH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WELL, I DID EVERYTHING ON MY LIST.

I'M EVEN THREE DAYS AHEAD.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LEFT TO DO.

WANT TO HAVE SEX?

WE COULD, BUT IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR ME TO FALL ASLEEP.

GEORGE... YOU'RE BUSY WITH WORK.

THE KIDS ARE GROWING UP.

THE DOG BEAT CANCER.

I GOT NOTHING.

EVERYBODY'S TAKEN CARE OF.

BE HAPPY YOU FINALLY HAVE SOME TIME TO YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.

THIS IS MY TIME.

SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

I LIKE HELPING PEOPLE.

[ LAUGHS ]

NO, REALLY. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

NO. I REALLY ENJOY CHARITY WORK.

AND THERE'S SO MANY CAUSES THAT COULD USE MY TIME --

THE HOMELESS, ENDANGERED ANIMALS, THE ELDERLY.

OH, HOW AM I GONNA CHOOSE?

OKAY, LET'S NARROW IT DOWN.

PANDAS OR SPOTTED OWLS?

OH, THEY'RE BOTH CUTE...

PANDAS.

OKAY, UH, PANDAS OR SHUT-INS?

BUT THE SHUT-INS ARE REALLY CUTE.

GEORGE, MY ONLY CRITERIA ISN'T THAT THEY'RE CUTE.

PANDAS.

ANGIE, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OUT THERE?

THIS IS MY NEW CAUSE.

IT'S JOB TRAINING TO REHABILITATE FORMER GANG MEMBERS.

THIS GROUP'S LEARNING HOW TO MAKE A LIVING GROOMING DOGS.

HEY, WELL, I THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA.

LET ALL THE HOODLUMS KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? SAVE YOURSELF SOME TIME.

LAY OUT YOUR VALUABLES AND HOG-TIE YOURSELF.

THESE KIDS ARE JUST TRYING TO BETTER THEMSELVES.

THE LEAST I CAN DO IS SPEND MY SATURDAYS HELPING THEM.

SATURDAYS?

ANGIE, THAT'S OUR FAMILY DAY. WE SPEND TIME TOGETHER.

I BARBECUE. YOU ASK ME TO DO THINGS.

I HIDE IN THE YARD.

WHERE AM I GOING TO HIDE

NOW THAT THERE'S GUNS AND POOP ALL OVER THE PLACE?

GEORGE!

SATURDAYS THE KIDS ARE OUT WITH THEIR FRIENDS,

AND YOU'RE WATCHING SPORTS!

AND THAT'S OKAY.

THAT'S YOUR THING. THIS IS MY THING.

HEY...

ONE OF YOUR THINGS JUST TOSSED A 40 OUNCE INTO THE ROSEBUSHES.

UH, GEORGE...

THIS IS GIGGLES.

THIS WHOLE PROGRAM STARTED WITH HIM.

HEY, GIGGLES.

YOU'RE THE LITTLE PIONEER DOG, AREN'T YOU?

YES, YOU ARE.

I'M GIGGLES!

THAT'S RALPHIE.

OH, RIGHT.

HEY, GIGGLES... HOW DID YOU GET THAT TAG?

I LOVE TO LAUGH.

GIGGLES, WHY DON'T YOU TELL GEORGE

A LITTLE ABOUT HOW THE PROGRAM HELPED YOU?

I WAS BANGING SINCE I WAS 10,

BUT I GOT OUT, 'CAUSE I FOUND SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN.

DOG GROOMING HAS SAVED MY LIFE.

I HEARD THAT.

MY COUSIN, FELIX, WAS SAVED BY KNITTING SWEATERS FOR CATS.

FOR REALS?

YEAH, SURE. WHY NOT?

HEY...

I'M DONE WITH THIS ONE.

THIS LOOKS HORRIBLE!

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!

HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES HIM FEEL?

I DON'T CARE.

I DIDN'T SPEND FOUR YEARS GETTING MY G.E.D. TO SHAVE DOGS.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.

OKAY, THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?

I DON'T KNOW.

EVERYBODY NEEDS A PURPOSE.

YOU HAVE TO WANT TO DO SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW.

I ALWAYS FIGURED I DO SOMETHING MORE...HIGH-CLASS, YOU KNOW?

LIKE WORKING IN AN OFFICE.

OH.

JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.

GEORGE...

GEORGE!

NO, NO, NO!

I'M NOT TAKING HER DOWN TO THE FACTORY.

SHE CAN BE AN INTERN.

THE FOUNDATION WILL PAY FOR IT.

ANGIE, WE SHOULDN'T BE GETTING INVOLVED IN THIS.

WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER.

SHE COULD BE A LUNATIC!

WHY DON'T WE JUST LET HER BABYSIT FOR A WHILE?

GEORGE!

IF YOU WON'T GIVE HER A SECOND CHANCE, WHO WILL?

NOT THAT DOG.

OH.

ONE WEEK. THAT'S ALL SHE GETS.

YES!

THANK YOU.

YO, GIGGLES?

WHAT'S THE STORY WITH THIS GIRL?

MARISOL?

I DON'T KNOW, HOMEY. I HAVEN'T TAPPED THAT YET.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, BUT THANK YOU, GIGGLES.

[ INTRO TO WAR'S "LOW RIDER" PLAYS ]

¶ ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW THE LOW RIDER ¶

HEY!

IT'S 8:30. I TOLD YOU WE START AT 8:00.

YOU'RE LATE.

I KNOW, HUH.

SO WHAT DID I MISS?

YOU MISSED THE SATISFACTION OF ARRIVING ON TIME,

OF MAKING A GOOD IMPRESSION, OF MEETING YOUR CO-WORKERS.

YOU KNOW YOU GOT THE DEAD EYES OF A SHARK?

DON'T TRY TO BE ALL NICE.

HEY, THE NEW INTERN.

HI, I'M ERNIE. WELCOME TO POWERS AVIATION.

YOU GOT BIG EARS.

BIG EARS...BIG Q-TIP.

COME ON. I'LL SHOW YOU TO YOUR DESK.

THIS IS WHERE YOU SIT.

WHEN YOU ANSWER THE PHONES,

SAY "POWERS BROTHERS AVIATION. MAY I HELP YOU?"

IF I'M NOT HERE, TAKE A MESSAGE.

IF IT'S IMPORTANT, COME FIND ME.

YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS?

YEAH.

DO YOU ALWAYS SPIT WHEN YOU TALK?

ANGIE, YOU'RE KILLING ME.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

OKAY, WATCH THIS.

POWERS BROTHERS AVIATION. MAY I HELP YOU?

IT'S FOR YOU.

HELLO?

HEY, JUNIOR.

NAH, THAT'S THAT FOOL I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.

NO.

IT'S OKAY.

I CAN TALK.

I KNOW, HUH!

I KNOW, HUH!

I KNOW, HUH!

HEY! THAT WASN'T COOL!

I KNOW, HUH!

JEEZ!

SORRY, NO PERSONAL CALLS AT WORK.

WHOO.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING WITH MISS HOME INVASION OVER THERE?

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET ANGIE

TALK ME INTO BRINGING THIS GIRL HERE.

SHE'S SARCASTIC. SHE'S RUDE.

SHE'S LIKE YOU WITH ESTROGEN!

I TOLD YOU IT WAS A BAD IDEA TO BRING HER INTO YOUR HOME,

AND IT'S A BAD IDEA TO BRING HER TO WORK!

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

POWERS BROTHERS AVIATION.

IT'S MRS. LOPEZ.

OOH, THAT'S MY WIFE.

SORRY, NO PERSONAL CALLS AT WORK.

I LIKE HER.

WHAT YOU DOING THERE, MAX?

IT'S MY DYSLEXIA HOMEWORK.

WE HAVE TO USE THESE LETTERS AND MAKE THEM INTO WORDS.

HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.

DAD, YOU HAVE DYSLEXIA, TOO.

WAIT, GIVE ME A MINUTE. I CAN DO THIS.

I THINK THE LAST WORD IS "GIZZIK."

ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT "GIKIZZ"?

YEAH, THAT'S IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.

ANGIE, WHAT'S WITH THE SENIORS?

I CAN HANDLE THE DOG SMELL, BUT OLD-PEOPLE SMELL?

THEY'RE PART OF OPERATION CHRISTMAS RESCUE.

THEY'RE WRAPPING GIFTS FOR DISADVANTAGED KIDS.

THIS IS YOUR THIRD NEW CHARITY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONLY GONNA VOLUNTEER A COUPLE HOURS A WEEK.

THE GANG PEOPLE INTRODUCED ME TO THE CLOTHES-DRIVE PEOPLE.

IT'S SO HARD TO SAY NO WHEN YOU'RE NEEDED SO MUCH.

JUST DON'T SEND ANY MORE CHARITY CASES TO MY OFFICE.

WHY? WHAT HAPPENED WITH MARISOL?

SHE'S TERRIBLE!

YOU KNOW THE GUY THAT GOT FIRED AND CAME BACK

AND TRIED TO SHOOT UP THE PLANT?

HE HAD A BETTER ATTITUDE!

COME ON.

YOU'RE OVERREACTING.

REALLY?

WELL, SHE AND ERNIE WERE PLAYING CHICKEN WITH FORKLIFTS...

ONLY ERNIE WASN'T EVEN IN A FORKLIFT.

HE WAS JUST RUNNING.

AH-AH! HEY, THAT'S NOT FOR YOU.

I'M COOKING FOR MEALS-ON-WHEELS.

SO WHAT ARE WE HAVING FOR DINNER?

I DON'T KNOW. YOU CAN MICROWAVE SOMETHING.

MICROWAVE, WHY?

THERE'S LIKE 900 CHICKEN WINGS HERE!

AH!

ARE YOU A SHUT-IN? ARE YOU GONNA DIE IN SIX MONTHS?

THEN GET OFF MY CHICKEN!

HEY, MOM, CAN YOU HEM MY PANTS NOW?

NOT NOW, HONEY. I'M BUSY.

BUT I NEED THEM FOR SCHOOL.

CAN YOU ONLY SHOW ME HOW TO DO IT?

[ SIGHS ] YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL GET TO IT WHEN I'M DONE COOKING.

OH.

HEY, EMMA.

HI, WE'RE HERE FOR THE MEALS-ON-WHEELS.

OH, THE ONES ON THE COUNTER ARE READY FOR DELIVERY.

HEY, I CAN HELP, TOO.

I'LL DELIVER THIS MEAL TO THE NEXT HUNGRY PERSON I SEE.

GOD BLESS YOU, SIR.

GIVE ME THAT!

JANET CALLED IN SICK.

WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED COOKING,

COULD YOU DELIVER SOME MEALS FOR US TODAY?

NO! SURE.

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.

I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA WATCH MOVIES TONIGHT.

I ALREADY RENTED SOME.

WELL, I CAN'T NOW, GEORGE.

OH, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

I COULD HAVE GOTTEN A MOVIE I LIKE...

INSTEAD OF ONE THAT WILL...

"TOUCH YOUR HEART AND CELEBRATE THE TRIUMPH OF THE HUMAN" --

[ SNORES ]

DON'T WORRY, EMMA.

I'LL MEET YOU DOWN AT THE CENTER IN HALF AN HOUR.

MOM, WHERE'S MY BOOK BAG?

DID YOU LOOK IN YOUR ROOM? IT'S TOO MESSY.

IF YOU'RE DELIVERING MEALS,

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA HEM MY PANTS?

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LOOK FOR MY BOOK BAG?

I DON'T KNOW!

GEORGE, COULD YOU GIVE ME A LITTLE HELP HERE?

LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!

GEORGE!

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

YOU'RE SPREADING YOURSELF WAY TOO THIN.

YOU ENCOURAGED ME TO DO THIS!

I DIDN'T ENCOURAGE YOU

TO DO SO MUCH YOU COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

THAT IS IT!

A WEEK AGO, YOU GUYS DIDN'T NEED ME FOR ANYTHING!

BUT AS SOON AS I FIND SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO DO,

YOU'RE HELPLESS!

CARMEN...

THERE IS A SEWING BOOK BY THE MACHINE.

FIGURE IT OUT!

MAX, IF YOU CLEAN YOUR ROOM,

YOU WILL FIND YOUR BOOK BAG!

AND GEORGE, MAKE YOUR OWN DINNER AND WATCH YOUR CHICK FLICK!

EVERYBODY, STOP ASKING ME TO DO THINGS

THAT YOU COULD BE DOING ON YOUR OWN!

I SWEAR I NEVER MET A MORE SELFISH BUNCH OF PEOPLE!

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS LOOKING AT? MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

I SAID, "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS"!

THEY'RE DEAF, GEORGE!

OH...

WERE THERE ANY CALLS?

YEAH.

WELL, WHO CALLED?

"THE TOWERS ARE MOVING AND BLOWING THE HEATING."

THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

I KNOW, HUH?

"THE TOWERS ARE MOVING AND BLOWING THE HEATING."

THE POWERS ARE MOVING THE BOEING MEETING!

OH.

HEY!

NOW THIS OTHER MESSAGE MAKES SENSE!

"YOU MISSED YOUR HEATING."

GEORGE! GEORGE, WHERE YOU BEEN?

THE POWERS BROTHERS ARE REALLY TICKED OFF.

THEY WANT TO SEE YOU IN THEIR OFFICE RIGHT NOW.

I TOLD YOU IF THERE ARE ANY IMPORTANT CALLS,

TO COME AND GET ME.

IF YOU CAN'T ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE, WHAT GOOD ARE YOU?!

TOO GOOD FOR YOU! I'M OUTTA HERE.

PERFECT. QUIT.

THAT'S A SURPRISE.

HEY, IT'S A SURPRISE TO ME.

I THOUGHT SHE'D BURN THE PLACE DOWN.

WHAT DO YOU CARE? YOU WOULD HAVE FIRED ME ANYWAY.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE QUITTING BEFORE YOU GET FIRED!

YOU THINK IF YOU DON'T TRY, YOU CAN'T FAIL!

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME, FOOL!

YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

I DON'T KNOW YOU. I WAS YOU.

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M THE FOOL.

SO JUST GET OUT OF HERE AND DO NOTHING,

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO END UP BEING -- NOTHING.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

[ RINGING CONTINUES ]

POWERS BROTHERS AVIATION. HOW CAN I HELP YOUR ASS?

SO CLOSE.

IT'S YOUR KID'S SCHOOL OR SOMETHING.

HELLO?

UH-HUH.

I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN. THANK YOU.

THEY HAVE MY SON SICK, AND THEY CAN'T FIND ANGIE.

WHAT SHOULD I TELL THE POWERS BROTHERS?

WRITE THIS DOWN.

TELL THEM IT'S ANGIE'S FAULT THAT SHE MADE ME HIRE AN INTERN

THAT MADE ME MISS THE MEETING, AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN MYSELF,

BECAUSE I GOT TO GO TO THE SCHOOL TO PICK UP MY SICK KID,

BECAUSE MY WIFE'S OUT THERE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD.

OKAY, I'M READY.

HEY, CARMEN...

IS THERE ANY CHICKEN SOUP IN THE HOUSE?

I DON'T KNOW, DAD.

I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP MOM BY DOING THE LAUNDRY.

OH, BY THE WAY, I CAN'T FIND ANY OF MAX'S UNDERWEAR.

DOES HE GO COMMANDO?

NO, MOM SAVES THEM ALL TILL SUNDAY NIGHT,

AND THEN SHE DOES THE LOAD OF SHAME.

OKAY, I DIDN'T REALLY NEED TO KNOW THAT.

GEORGE...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?

MAX GOT SICK, AND I HAD TO PICK HIM UP.

WHERE WERE YOU? I WAS DELIVERING MEALS.

IS HE OKAY?

HE HAS A STOMACHACHE.

ANGIE, I HAD TO LEAVE WORK AT A BAD TIME.

YOU PICKED ONE OF OUR KIDS UP FROM SCHOOL ONE TIME.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I'M NEGLECTING THE FAMILY.

I CAN'T KEEP RUNNING HOME! YOU GOT TO BE AVAILABLE!

YOU KNOW, I AM NOT GETTING INTO THIS RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO CHECK ON MAX.

HONEY... HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

NOT GOOD.

I TOOK HIS TEMPERATURE, AND THERE'S NO FEVER.

IT'S A STOMACHACHE. IT'S GOING AROUND THE SCHOOL.

IT LASTS THREE DAYS.

THREE DAYS?

SO YOU'LL BE FINE

TO GO TO THAT LASER-TAG BIRTHDAY PARTY ON SATURDAY?

IS THAT THIS SATURDAY?

YOU KNOW, IF HE'S THIS SICK...

MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL.

I HEAR THEY GOT A NEW STOMACH PUMP --

MORE PRESSURE.

DID THEY FIX THAT?

'CAUSE I HEARD IT TURNED ONE KID COMPLETELY INSIDE OUT.

OOH.

OKAY, OKAY. I'M NOT SICK.

HEY...

SO WHY'D YOU LIE?

I HAD TO GET OUT OF SCHOOL.

I WASN'T READY TO TAKE MY READING TEST FOR SPECIAL ED.

DAD TRIED TO HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK,

BUT I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME.

MAX, WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME?

YOU SAID WE WERE SELFISH,

AND WE SHOULD BE DOING THINGS ON OUR OWN.

HONEY...

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO ME, OKAY?

OKAY.

SORRY I LIED, DAD.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO GET HELD BACK.

WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO KNOW.

HEY, HOW'D YOU FAKE THE VOMIT?

LET'S JUST SAY I KNOW A GUY.

ANGIE...

DON'T SAY IT.

I'LL SAY IT FOR YOU.

I SCREWED UP.

WELL, THAT'S NO FUN.

I OVERDID IT. I TOOK ON TOO MUCH STUFF.

SO WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU KNOW WHAT I DID TODAY?

I BROUGHT A MEAL TO AN OLD WOMAN.

SHE THANKED ME. SHE HUGGED ME.

SHE ALSO THOUGHT I WAS NATALIE WOOD,

BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.

ANGIE, I KNOW YOU LIKE HELPING PEOPLE.

IT'S NOT JUST HELPING PEOPLE. I MADE A DIFFERENCE.

I WASN'T MAKING A DIFFERENCE AROUND HERE ANYMORE.

ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

YOU JUST DON'T GET THE THANK YOUs.

KIDS NEVER APPRECIATE ANYTHING YOU DO.

REMEMBER WHEN WE MADE THE DEAL THAT ONE OF US WOULD WORK

AND ONE OF US WOULD STAY HOME WITH THE KIDS?

ANGIE, YOU PICKED THE HARDER JOB.

I GET TO PUNCH IN AND PUNCH OUT,

BUT [LAUGHS] YOU DON'T, SUCKER!

I'LL CUT BACK. THEY DO NEED ME.

AND I NEED YOU, TOO.

COME HERE, BABY.

YOU KNOW, WHEN WE GOT MARRIED,

YOU SAID WE'D SPEND OUR WHOLE LIVES TOGETHER.

AND THAT DIDN'T SOUND SO GOOD AT FIRST.

BUT I'VE KIND OF GOTTEN USED TO THE IDEA.

ME TOO.

Carmen: OH, MY GOD!

HEY, CARMEN FOUND MAX'S UNDERWEAR.

OH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

GEORGE!

WHAT'S WRONG?

I'M SO SICK.

BUT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO SEE "THE NUTCRACKER" TODAY.

IS THAT THIS SATURDAY?

YOU JUST STAY HERE AND RELAX, OKAY?

ARE THOSE YOUR GOLF SHOES?

WHAT?

AND...YOUR PUTTER!

THAT'S NOT A THERMOMETER?