Original subtitles

FIND WHO DID THIS!

AVENGE ME!

AVENGE...ME...TOO!

DON´T WORRY.

WE´LL BE TOGETHER IN THE NEXT WORLD!

UNLESS SALMA HAYEK GETS THERE BEFORE YOU.

HEY, WE SAID "TILL DEATH DO US PART."

AFTER THAT, YOU´RE ON YOUR OWN.

COME ON, ANGIE, THIS IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY.

MEXICANS TAKE HALLOWEEN TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

WE GET TO DRESS UP LIKE SKELETONS.

IT´S THE ONLY TIME OF THE YEAR WE´RE THIN.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT I GOT PLANNED.

THE TREATS ARE GONNA BE IN THIS BOWL,

IF ANYONE CAN GET PAST...

THE "TERROR-IER."

DOES THE DEMON DOG WANT HIS BELLY RUBBED?

YES, HE DOES.

YES, HE DOES.

STOP IT!

YOU´RE DIMINISHING HIS EVIL.

DAD, SHOW HER WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE GET CLOSE TO THE CANDY!

[ Spooky voice ] TAKE ONLY ONE CANDY! OOOH!

MOM, DAD, TOBY´S LEAVING NOW.

OH, HONEY, WE´RE SO SORRY YOU´RE MOVING TO OMAHA.

THANKS.

WE´RE ALL GONNA MISS YOU.

OH!

YEAH, BUT DON´T WORRY, WE´LL VISIT YOU UP THERE.

REALLY? WHEN?

LET´S NOT SPOIL THE SURPRISE.

[ CAR HORN HONKS ]

I GOT TO GO.

I MADE THIS FOR YOU,

SO YOU´LL NEVER FORGET ME.

I´M REALLY GONNA MISS YOU.

BYE.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

THIS IS HORRIBLE.

SHE JUST LOST HER BEST FRIEND.

LET ME TALK TO HER.

[ Spooky voice ] CARMEN...

I KNOW YOU ARE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING VERY DIFFICULT.

I KNOW I DON´T HAVE A HAND TO HOLD

OR A SHOULDER TO CRY ON...

BUT ANYTIME YOU WANT TO TALK,

I´M HERE FOR YOU.

OR WE COULD JUST WATCH "THE REAL WORLD."

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS MAKE

THE COWBOY AND THE BLACK GUY ROOMMATES?

UH-OH! SOMEBODY ATE THE LESBIAN´S YOGURT.

OOOH!

[ SKULL CLATTERS ]

[ INTRO TO WAR´S "LOW RIDER" PLAYS ]

♫ ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW THE LOW RIDER ♫

♫ THE LOW RIDER IS A LITTLE HIGHER ♫

ALL RIGHT, I´LL HANDLE IT!

WHAT´S UP?

THE POWERS BROTHERS WANT ME TO FIRE REGGIE.

WHAT´S THE PROBLEM? HE´S A TERRIBLE EMPLOYEE.

I KNOW, BUT IF I FIRE HIM,

I WON´T HAVE ANYBODY TO PLAY SANTA AT THE COMPANY PARTY.

EXCUSE ME, SANTA.

I GOT TO GO FIRE REGGIE.

REGGIE, CAN I TALK TO YOU IN MY OFFICE?

NO, GEORGE, I CAN´T. I GOT -- I GOT TO GET HOME.

WE HAD A BIG FIRE. ALMOST THE WHOLE HOUSE.

EVEN MY PARROT JANIE DIED.

THE LAST THING THE FIREMEN HEARD WAS...

"PRETTY BIRD!

"PRETTY BIRD!

PRETTY BIRD!"

I´M SORRY, GEORGE. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

NOTHING. YOU BETTER GET GOING.

HEY, I HEARD.

THE COLONEL FRIES BIRDS EVERY DAY. NOBODY CRIES FOR THEM.

SO, GIRLFRIEND...

HOW YOU LIVING?

GREAT.

MAKING ANY FRIENDS?

NOT TRYING.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, SIT ON THE COUCH FOREVER?

MAYBE.

GONNA TAKE CARE OF US WHEN WE GET OLDER? WHATEVER.

CARMEN, HONEY, I´M GOING TO THE MALL.

YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME?

I´LL BE IN MY ROOM WHERE IT´S QUIET.

HEY! YOU GOT HER OFF THE COUCH!

THIS ISN´T GOOD.

COME ON, ANGIE. SHE´S A KID.

SHE´S GOING THROUGH SOMETHING. LET HER.

FOR NOW. BUT I´M TELLING YOU,

SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT AND MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS.

I DIDN´T HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS, AND I TURNED OUT FINE.

I DID! I TURNED OUT FINE.

HEY, YOU PASSED MY EXPECTATIONS WHEN YOU FINISHED SIXTH GRADE.

WHAT´S 12 TIMES 12? 144.

EVERY TIME!

AMAZING.

Ernie: GEORGE, HAVE YOU SEEN REGGIE?

IS HE STILL WALKING WITH THAT SHOE BOX FULL OF BIRD ASHES?

YEAH! IT´S THE WEIRDEST THING -- IT RATTLES.

THE BEAK DON´T BURN, ERNIE. THE BEAK DON´T BURN.

THE POWERS BROTHERS ARE GONNA FIRE ME

IF I DON´T FIRE REGGIE.

I GOT TO DO IT NOW.

ALL RIGHT.

WHEN YOU HAVE A SECOND.

SHH! SHH!

YOU CAN´T LEAVE ME.

NO, YOU CAN´T JUST THROW AWAY A MARRIAGE AFTER 10 YEARS!

LISTEN, WHY DON´T WE JUST TALK --

WHAT´S GOING ON, REGGIE?

MY WIFE IS LEAVING.

REGGIE...

KEEP DOING YOUR THING, BROTHER.

TILL FRIDAY.

THANKS FOR MAKING MY COSTUME, GRANDMA.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAD 30 SECONDS TO KILL.

THAT´S NICE, YEAH.

OH, MAN.

THAT IS ONE SCARY-ASS COSTUME.

I LIKE YOURS TOO, MAX.

GEORGE, WE GOT TO TALK.

WHAT?

IT´S BEEN TWO WEEKS!

HEY, I WORK ALL DAY. I´M TIRED AT NIGHT.

I CAN´T JUST TURN IT ON.

I´M TALKING ABOUT CARMEN.

HOW LONG ARE WE GONNA LET HER SIT UP THERE AND MOPE?

KIDS NEED TO BE KEPT BUSY,

OR SOONER OR LATER THEY GET INTO TROUBLE.

A REPORT OUT SAYS THAT MOST UNDERAGE SEX, DRINKING,

AND HOOLIGANISM HAPPENS BETWEEN 3:00 AND 6:00 P.M.

HOOLIGANISM?!

HOW OLD IS THAT REPORT?

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO?

SHE NEEDS SOME EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES.

OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN.

I HAD A TON OF ACTIVITIES AND A TON OF FRIENDS.

YES, MISS HOMECOMING QUEEN, HEAD CHEERLEADER,

YEARBOOK EDITOR.

BUT WHERE DID ALL THAT POPULARITY GET YOU?

YOU MARRIED THE GUY WITH NO FRIENDS.

FACE IT HONEY, YOU PEAKED.

YOU CAN MAKE FUN, BUT I DIDN´T HAVE TIME

TO SIT AROUND THE HOUSE AND DO NOTHING.

AND CARMEN IS NOT GONNA DO THAT, EITHER.

I WENT TO HER SCHOOL WEBSITE.

LOOK! LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF THAT SHE COULD BE DOING.

HOMECOMING COMMITTEE, SCHOOL NEWSPAPER,

PEP SQUAD.

THIS IS WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN --

YOU SHOULD BACK OFF AND LET HER FIND HER OWN WAY.

HOW LONG IS THAT GONNA TAKE?

IF SHE´S ANYTHING LIKE ME,

SHE SHOULD GET IT TOGETHER...

LATE 30´s.

I THINK WE NEED TO BE A LOT TOUGHER ON THIS GIRL.

I AM TIRED OF BABYING HER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I´M TAKING HER DINNER.

CARMEN, DINNER´S HERE.

YOU DIDN´T KNOCK!

GEORGE, COME UP HERE!

PUT THAT RIGHT WHERE IT WAS, AND DON´T MOVE A MUSCLE.

WHAT´S WRONG?

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE?

I TOOK THEM FROM GRANDMA BENNY. I WAS JUST GONNA TRY ONE.

EXACTLY WHAT TIME DID YOU TAKE THEM?

I DON´T KNOW. SOMETIME AFTER 3:00 AND BEFORE 6:00.

WHAT´S ALL THE COMMOTION?

GEORGE IS LETTING CARMEN FIND HER OWN WAY.

LET HER FIND HER OWN SMOKES.

YOU TWO, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

ANGIE, I UNDERSTAND WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING,

BUT WHY PEP SQUAD?

BECAUSE PEP SQUAD TEACHES YOU TEAMWORK, DISCIPLINE,

YOU MAKE FRIENDS,

AND YOU CAN´T CHEER WITH A CIGARETTE IN YOUR MOUTH.

IT WALKS LIKE A CHEERLEADER.

IT´S DRESSED LIKE A CHEERLEADER.

IT´S IGNORING ME LIKE A CHEERLEADER.

I HAD TO CALL IN A LOT OF FAVORS TO GET YOU ON THAT SQUAD.

IT´S A LUCKY THING THAT OTHER GIRL TRANSFERRED OUT.

I DON´T WANT TO DO THIS!

CARMEN, STOP WORRYING! YOU´RE GONNA DO GREAT.

THIS IS ALL YOU´VE GOT TO REMEMBER --

WHEN YOU CLAP...

SEND IT OUT... TO THE WORLD.

SEND IT OUT... TO THE WORLD!

[ SIGHS ]

YOU STILL GOT YOUR OLD POM-POMS?

´CAUSE I GOT SPIRIT, YES, I DO.

I GOT FIVE MINUTES BEFORE WORK, HOW ABOUT YOU?

BAD NEWS, DUDE.

I GOT ANOTHER MEMO FROM THE POWERS BROTHERS.

YOU´RE GONE.

BUT YOU SAID PLANES NEED WINGS!

I KNOW WHAT I SAID!

BUT YOU´RE GONE.

BUT I DON´T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.

AND MY PARENTS COUNT ON MY INCOME.

WE´LL BE OUT ON THE STREET!

HEY, WE ALL GOT PROBLEMS, MAN.

CLEAN OUT YOUR LOCKER.

HOW WAS THAT, HUH? BELIEVABLE, RIGHT?!

[ SNIFFLING ] NO!

I KNEW YOU WERE KIDDING.

[ SOBBING ]

OKAY. NOW I´M READY.

REGGIE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

GOOD, ´CAUSE I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, TOO.

LET ME GO FIRST. DON´T INTERRUPT ME.

OKAY, BUT I GOT GOOD NEWS.

REALLY?

I´M IN LOVE.

IT´S AMAZING.

I GO TO SEE A DIVORCE LAWYER.

IT TURNS OUT TO BE MY HIGH-SCHOOL SWEETHEART.

IT´S LIKE WE´VE NEVER BEEN APART.

SO I´M GONNA GO GET A QUICKIE DIVORCE

AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO VEGAS TO TIE THE KNOT.

OH, MY HEART HAS WINGS, GEORGE, AND I´M FLYING!

CONGRATULATIONS, MAN. THANKS.

YOU´RE FIRED.

WHAT? NO, NO. Y-YOU CAN´T FIRE ME, GEORGE.

THINGS ARE JUST STARTING TO GO RIGHT.

I KNOW. I´M SORRY.

GOD, I FEEL TERRIBLE, REGGIE.

THIS IS THE WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE!

I GOT TO FIRE MY FAVORITE EMPLOYEE,

MY DAUGHTER´S A HOOLIGAN,

MY WIFE´S BEEN SENDING IT OUT TO THE WORLD.

YOU MET MY MOM.

[ SIGHS ]

IT´S OKAY, BUDDY.

I UNDERSTAND.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

ARE YOU LEAVING?

YEAH.

[ SNIFFLES ]

THEN I´M OKAY.

[ WHISTLES ]

All: RAVEN FANS, YELL "GO!" GO!

RAVEN FANS, YELL "FIGHT!" FIGHT!

GO, RAVENS! FIGHT!

NO STOPPING US! ALL RIGHT!

WHOO!WHOO! GO RAVENS!

HI.

HEY, YOU MUST BE CARMEN.

EVERYBODY, MEET CARMEN.

HI.HI. HI.HI.

I GUESS IT´S A LITTLE WEIRD,

ME GETTING IN ´CAUSE PATTI TRANSFERRED.

DON´T WORRY ABOUT IT. PATTI DIDN´T REALLY GET TRANSFERRED.

SHE GOT KNOCKED UP.

BUT YOU LOOK GOOD IN HER UNIFORM.

IT´S A LITTLE LOOSE IN THE FRONT.

I GUESS PATTI WAS, TOO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LOOK, WE KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO,

SO WE´LL DO SOMETHING SIMPLE FIRST.

LET´S TRY A CALL AND RESPONSE.

OKAY. WHAT DO I DO?

WE´LL CALL OUT A LINE, THEN POINT TO YOU,

AND YOU RESPOND WITH "IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE."

LIKE, "WE´RE RAVENS, WE´RE TIGHT."

IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE.

IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE.

AND REMEMBER WHEN YOU CLAP... SEND IT OUT TO THE WORLD?

GOOD GIRL!

READY? OKAY!

WE´RE RAVENS, WE´RE TIGHT.

IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE. IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE.

All: YOU JEFF US, WE´LL FIGHT.

IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE. IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE.

THERE´S CARMEN, SHE´S NEW.

IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE. IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE.

HOW DID SHE GET HERE? WELL, WE´LL TELL YOU.

HER MOMMY CAME CRYIN´, THE COUNSELOR WAS BUYING.

AND NOW WE´RE STUCK WITH A LOSER WHO SUCKS.

WHICH CARMEN? THAT CARMEN!

IT´S TRUE. YOU KNOW IT´S TRUE.

YOU´RE PRETTY FAST. TRY OUT FOR THE TRACK TEAM!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Imitating Bill Cosby ] DA-DA-DA.

WHOA, MAN, CHECK IT OUT!

THE HOT WITCH FILLING OUT THE CANDY BOWL, YOU SEE.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HEY, COS, YOU´RE ON DOOR DUTY UNTIL CARMEN GETS BACK.

SHE´S PROBABLY OUT WITH HER PEP-SQUAD BUDDIES.

NOW I´M IGNORING THE COCKY WITCH

AND GOING OVER TO THE FRONT DOOR, DA-DA.

TRICK OR TREAT!

WELL, MAN, IT´S GOOD. AND THE JELL-O,

AND THE SASSAFRAS.

COME ON IN, KIDS, AND GET CANDY.

DID YOU HAVE A STROKE LIKE MY GRANDPA?

KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS.

GOODBYE, ARMY BOY.

GOODBYE, SNOTTY PRINCESS.

HEY!

WE NEED ANOTHER PILLOWCASE. THIS ONE´S FULL!

HEY, MAX, DO YOU WANT SOME WATER, HONEY?

YOU MUST BE HOT UNDER THERE.

YOU´RE NOT MY GRANDMA.

OH, CRAP.

I´LL BE RIGHT BACK!

I´LL TAKE THE CAR, YOU GO DOOR TO DOOR.

I LOST GRANDMA!

OH! IT´S OKAY, HONEY. UH, GRANDMA´S FINE.

BUT SHE HAS ALL MY CANDY!

[ Normal voice ] YEAH, BUT SHE THINKS YOU´RE LOST,

AND SHE´S REALLY WORRIED, AND THAT´S LIKE CANDY TO DADDY.

OH! SO, HOW´D IT GO?

I LEARNED A CHEER.

WHEN I POINT TO YOU, YOU SAY, "IT´S TRUE, IT´S TRUE."

THEY CALLED ME A LOSER ´CAUSE MOM GOT ME ON THE SQUAD.

THEY HATE ME AND DON´T WANT ME THERE.

OH, HONEY.

DO ME A FAVOR -- STAY OUT OF MY LIFE.

I GOT TO GO TALK TO HER.

NO. LET HER COOL OFF. I´LL GO UP THERE IN A MINUTE.

Benny: GEORGE! GEORGE!

HAS MAX SHOWN UP YET?!

NO, MOM!

OH, CRAP!

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

[ Imitating Bill Cosby ] DA DA-DA DA-DA.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IS SOME PUDDING.

THAT´S CANDY.

I KNOW. I JUST LIKE SAYING THE WORD "PUDDING."

YOU DON´T KNOW HOW HORRIBLE IT WAS.

YOU´VE NEVER BEEN HUMILIATED LIKE THAT.

[ Normal voice ] CARMEN, I KNOW HOW MEAN KIDS CAN BE.

THESE GUYS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD USED TO CALL ME "SPUDS."

BECAUSE I WAS DARK, I HAD REALLY SHORT HAIR,

MY HEAD WAS KIND OF LUMPY.

I GUESS I LOOKED LIKE A POTATO.

BUT THAT DIDN´T GIVE THEM A RIGHT

TO HOLD ME DOWN AND BUTTER ME.

WELL, MAYBE IF SOMEONE HELD MOM DOWN AND BUTTERED HER,

SHE WOULDN´T HAVE MADE ME DO THIS.

I BET NO ONE´S MADE FUN OF HER. SHE´S SO PERFECT.

YOUR MOM WAS HAPPY IN HIGH SCHOOL,

AND SHE THOUGHT PEP SQUAD WOULD DO THE SAME FOR YOU.

BUT I´M NOT LIKE HER!

YEAH, I KNOW. YOU´RE LIKE ME.

DAMN, I´M SORRY.

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA MEET

ALL THESE COOL PEOPLE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

NOW EVERYBODY HATES ME.

I MISS TOBY.

I KNOW, BUT YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME

WHEN I TELL YOU EVERYTHING´S GONNA TURN OUT.

NOBODY HAD A WORSE CHILDHOOD THAN ME,

AND I TURNED OUT FINE.

12 TIMES 12? 144.

12 TIMES 13?

HEY, WE´RE TALKING ABOUT YOU.

SO, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

SIT IN MY ROOM FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS?

NO, YOUR MOM HAD A POINT ABOUT JOINING A GROUP.

YOU JUST HAVE TO PICK THE RIGHT GROUP.

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?

I DON´T KNOW.

HEY, IF I KNOW MY LITTLE GIRL,

IT´S PROBABLY BARBIES AND EASY-BAKE OVENS, HUH?

MISS PAC-MAN, BETTY SPAGHETTY, BARREL OF MONKEYS.

HELP ME OUT.

I KIND OF LIKE WRITING.

WELL, THERE´S GOT TO BE OTHER KIDS INTO THAT.

THERE´S A POETRY CLUB,

BUT I DON´T THINK MY POEMS WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.

IF IT´S WHAT YOU LOVE,

YOU GOT TO HAVE THE GUTS TO PURSUE IT.

BESIDES, IF YOU WROTE THOSE POEMS, I´M SURE THEY´RE GREAT.

CAN I READ ONE TO YOU?

[ Groaning ] OHHH.

OUT LOUD?

WHAT´S UP?

WHAT´S GOING ON IN THE KITCHEN?

I THOUGHT WE SPRAYED FOR FREAKS.

THAT´S THE POETRY CLUB. THEY´RE HAVING A PARTY.

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.

[ BARKING ] Shh!

Shh!

HEY, GOOD FOR CARMEN.

YEAH, WELL, SHE´S STILL BARELY TALKING TO ME.

COME ON. YOU HAD THE RIGHT IDEA.

YOU JUST HAD THE WRONG GROUP.

YOU´RE A GREAT MOM, AND I´M NOT AFRAID TO...

SEND IT OUT... TO THE WORLD.

SEND IT OUT... TO THE WORLD.

JUST SEND IT TO ME NEXT TIME,

AND I´LL SEND IT OUT TO THE WORLD.

I´M GONNA CLOSE THE SHADES.

SOME OF MY FRIENDS ARE GETTING SKIN COLOR.

DO YOU GUYS NEED ANY MORE BROWNIES?

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? "YEAH, ALL RIGHT."

THAT´S NOT FAR FROM A "YOU´RE THE BEST MOM EVER.

"JUST BECAUSE YOU DID ONE THING WRONG

"DOESN´T MEAN I SHOULD FORGET THE MILLIONS

OF WONDERFUL THINGS YOU´VE DONE."

[ Imitating Bill Cosby ] THAT REMINDS ME OF A POEM --

[ SIGHS ]

ANGIE, WHEN IT COMES TO THE CHILDREN,

WE´RE ON EQUAL FOOTING.

NOW LET´S GO UPSTAIRS AND MAKE SOME SWEET, SWEET PUDDING.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ Spooky voice ] HEY!

DON´T YOU KNOW NOT TO CHEW A BONE IN FRONT OF A SKELETON?

THAT COULD BE MY ARM.

DON´T GIVE ME THAT LOOK.

YOU KNOW I CAN´T TAKE THAT.

I MAY BE EVIL AND UNDEAD,

BUT I LOVE DOGS.

OOOOOH!

NO, NOT THE LICKING! OOH, OOH!

STOP THAT!

IT TICKLES.

OOH, A LITTLE MORE TO THE LEFT.

YOU KNOW, AN ALTOID WOULDN´T KILL YOU.

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY WARNER BROS. TELEVISION