Original subtitles

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

? ?

- Damn it, it's VFW night at the bowling alley,

and my G-D bowling ball's missing.

I know I put it right here in the tool shed.

- [chuckling] This is gonna be cool.

[grunts]

- Put this here. [chuckles]

Okay, ready.

Oh, wait a second.

Let me just get out of the way

so it doesn't fall on me.

Bowl!

- [grunting]

[chuckling]

- [chuckles]

Aah!

- [chuckles]

Uh...

did you, like, get killed or something?

- [groaning] Ow.

[groans]

[mysterious music]

Whoa! [chuckles]

Um...

um, Butt-Head...

who's this new guy standing right next to you?

[chuckles]

- Uh, what are you talking about, dumbass?

- You both don't need to yell at me at once, come on.

What did I do? Jesus. [chuckles]

- Give me the ball.

That throw didn't count

'cause, like, you got in the way.

- Okay, um...

you want both of these balls here or just one?

- Just give me the ball, butthole.

- Okay, okay, fine. [chuckles]

I'll just give one ball to you

and one to this guy wearing the same shirt as you.

Um... [chuckles]

But after both of you go, it's my turn.

No wonder it's so hot today, there's two suns.

That's how they get you. [chuckles]

- Hey, baby girls.

Today I've got my most special VIP client

in the studio.

Her name's Ruby, and we're gonna be giving her...

- Whoa!

- The most beautiful facial

to help tackle that fur that sat on this-

- Uh, boy, I think this chick is, like, really into this dog.

- Is that, like, a wiener dog?

- Uh, well, this chick sure thinks so.

[both laughing]

- Yeah.

Boy, she is going to town on this dog.

[chuckles]

If I were that dog, I'd be wagging my tail, too,

I tell you what.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

And I'd be wagging something else, too.

[chuckles]

- Uh, Like what? I don't understa-

Whoa! She just made out with it!

- No way. [laughing]

- Damn it! [chuckles]

Here we go again. [chuckles]

This dog- this-this schlong dog

is gonna score, and we can't score!

[chuckles]

And-and I don't think he even wants to score!

- Check out the dog.

He's like, what? I have to score?

[chuckles] I've already scored twice today...

[chuckles] With some dude's leg.

[laughing]

- Damn it! [chuckles]

It's just not fair!

- That's right, Beavis.

You will never score. [chuckles]

- Well, you know, maybe I won't score.

But Beavis in a dog costume might score.

[chuckles] See what I'm saying?

You know, I've seen dog costumes over at Party City,

so I could just, like, get one of those

and put it on and then, like,

fly over there to London and France or wherever that is

and then just, like, crawl into her office

and be all smooth, you know?

And say, like, hey, uh, how's it going?

[chuckles] Woof, woof.

[chuckles] I'll show you what "dog pound" really means.

[chuckles] You know, romantic stuff like that.

You know. [chuckles]

I'm here to bury the bone, you know what I'm saying?

You know, that kind of stuff that chicks like to hear,

you know?

- Beavis, she wouldn't even believe you in a dog costume.

- Yeah, well, she doesn't have to believe me

for very long, you know? [chuckles]

- Uh, that's kind of messed up, Beavis.

[chuckles]

- I'm messed up?

She's the one who's doing it with a dog.

Come on. [chuckles]

- So what starts a good paragraph, okay?

That's right- a vivid topic sentence.

- Ah. Yeah, look at this.

They found a way to make school even worse.

Two teachers- like one wasn't bad enough.

Oh, boy. [chuckles]

- Will you shut up already? [chuckles]

- Are you talking to me

or this new guy who's sitting right next to you?

- What are you talking about, dumbass?

- I'm talking about this new guy

you're always hanging out with these days.

He's always, like, right next to you.

You're even starting to look alike.

- Beavis, can we please keep our commentary

to a minimum, okay?

- Oh, great, now both teachers are pissed off at me.

That does it.

Van Driessen and the new lady, I'm out of here.

From now on, I'm only going to the other high school

they just built right next to this one.

[chuckles]

[person speaking indistinctly on TV]

- Uh, Beavis? Why are you sitting there?

What the hell's wrong with you lately?

- I'm just making room for your new friend

while I watch these two TVs.

[chuckles]

[person continues speaking indistinctly on TV]

So, um...

so you're the guy who's hanging out with Butt-Head

all the time now, huh?

Where'd you guys meet? [chuckles]

Okay, don't answer. I don't care.

Why don't you go sit on the other couch?

We've got two of them.

- Damn it, Beavis, if you don't shut up,

I'm gonna plant my foot in your butt so hard,

it, like, hurts your butt or something.

- He's like that all the time, isn't he?

Yeah I don't know how either of us put up with it,

to tell you the truth, you know.

Yeah, you get it. [chuckles]

Look, I'm sorry I was pissed off before.

I'm just not used to having someone else around, you know?

[chuckles]

You know, I've never told anyone this, but, um, today...

I was in the bathroom, and I have two schlongs.

I guess I just grew another one-I don't know.

So I just peed out of both of them, you know?

They both work, you know what I'm saying?

[chuckles]

Yeah, sometimes I feel like I don't have

anyone to talk to about this stuff, you know?

But, um- but I guess now I can-

I can talk to you, maybe, you know.

[chuckles] That's pretty cool.

You're all right. [chuckles]

Now let's just kick back and watch these two TVs.

Cool. [chuckles]

Fire.

- [chuckles] I can't believe they gave me

two nachos for the price of one.

I don't know how both of these Maxi Marts

even stay in business.

- Uh, Beavis, what are you talking about?

You haven't made any sense in, like, two days.

- I'm not even talking to you, Butt-Head.

I'm talking to our friend.

- Damn it, we're too cool to have friends, dumbass.

Now shut up. You're embarrassing me

- Aah! Damn it, Butt-Head, that's it.

Me and the new guy have had enough of your crap.

Isn't that right, new guy?

We're leaving. [chuckles]

Come on, let's get out of here. [chuckles]

Oh, so you're not coming?

You're gonna just stay there right next to Butt-Head, huh?

Just like you always do.

I don't-I don't know what I expected.

[chuckles] I guess I'll just go away, then,

and-and never come back.

I hope you two are happy together.

[chuckles]

Buttholes. [chuckles]

Just try to squeeze in between these two poles here.

[grunts] Aah!

[groaning]

- [chuckles] You fell.

[chuckles] It was cool.

- [groaning]

Um...

Wait a second. Where'd the other Maxi Mart go?

And where's my other nachos?

And where's the new guy? [chuckles]

- Uh, I don't know what you're talking about,

and I don't care.

[chuckles]

- He's got to be around here somewhere.

Maybe he went to the bathroom to count his schlongs

or something. [chuckles]

Eh, he'll be back soon, yeah. [chuckles]

- [chuckles]

This show kicks ass. [chuckles]

- I'll be there in a second. [chuckles]

He'll come back someday. I know he will.

[chuckles]

[soft music]

? ?

Someday. [chuckles]

[thunder rumbles]

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[thunder rumbles]

? ?

? ?

[thunder rumbles]

? ?

- Chirp.

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