Original subtitles

Oh, George...

I know how you can get more respect at work.

A tie says, "I'm the boss."

You want me to wear a tie to an airplane parts factory.

Yeah, that'll work.

"You see, the problem with the propeller is --

oh-h-h-h-h!"

Honey, I spent 16 years on the line with these guys.

It's gonna take a while before they respect me as manager.

Well, I'm just trying to help.

Carmen, did I put lunch money in your bag?

I'll just share with the cheerleaders.

They don't eat their food.

I gotta go.

"Please excuse Carmen from swim class...

Because she's having her period."

What's this?

When did you start having your period?

I don't know. What's the date on the note?

Carmen...

You didn't have to write a fake note.

This is wonderful.

My little girl's a woman now.

We have to call everybody.

What's a period?

It's a bullet we dodge. Go get ready.

Can we talk about this later? I really have to go to school.

Oh, one sec, honey.

I still have to look for the lunch money.

Wait a second.

"Excuse Carmen."

"Excuse Carmen."

Okay, how many weeks have you been having this period?

I don't know -- 6?

6 weeks?

If you went to a catholic school,

you'd be like a miracle!

Okay, I didn't get my period.

I hate swim class.

Hey, rico suave! Come on, let's go!

You're gonna make us all late for work.

George, you're not leaving. She lied to get out of class.

Carmen! We're dealing with this now.

Look, Angie, is it that big a deal?

Why does she need to know how to swim?

We're already here.

George...

That's not the point!

She lied.

They lie because they're not afraid of you.

Benny, we're handling this.

I don't see anybody getting hit.

We don't hit our kids, Benny. We send them to your house.

Hey-y-y-y, hey!

Isn't this fun for me?

Okay, I know what to do.

You gotta learn how bad lying is, so I'm gonna lie to you.

Go ahead.

Not now.

When you're not expecting it, I'm gonna lie to you,

and you'll see how hurtful it it.

Fine.

And don't worry --

I'm finally gonna fix the breaks on your bike after school.

Wait.

Is that the lie?

Wear a helmet!

You know, George learned that lying trick from me.

What was your lie?

That we didn't have enough money to send him to college.

¶ All my friends know the low rider ¶

¶ the low rider is a little higher ¶

Okay, Danny boy.

I'll tell George you're not coming in.

Goodbye!

Wait, don't be like that.

You know you want me.

Let's go out. I'll bring you back.

Danny boy, this is George.

Why aren't you at work?

I'm sick, man. I'm "bedriddled."

Uh-huh.

I've got depression.

But I'm gonna get my life together.

I'm gonna move out of my mom's house.

I'm gonna go live with my aunt. You'll see.

I'm gonna show everyone. I just need a truck.

Danny boy, your medical leave ends Monday,

and so does your job if you're not here.

Bye!

Ooh! Ooh!

Not bad for the new guy, huh?

Oh, I know.

It is so weird having you for a boss.

It's like I've known you for so long,

and now I have to respect you.

I'm sorry,

but it's so funny.

You know what would be hilarious?

Is if I had that boeing report on my desk

that I asked for yesterday.

I don't get the joke, but okay.

What's up, boys!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey, George...

The guys are going to thirsty's for a beer at lunch.

You wanna come?

Ooh, here's the bad thing -- no more beer at lunch.

I can't have you guys working on the machines all buzzed out.

Uh, you used to.

Hey, those 15 years were a mistake.

Thirsty's is off-limits.

Oh, okay, I get it.

You're the manager now,

so you gotta say, "no beer at lunch."

And we gotta say, "oh, okay."

Then you do your thing, we do our thing.

Everybody's doing their "job." Everyone's "okay."

Ernie, I'm not saying it's okay.

And don't bring back a big gulp with a lime in it,

'cause I'm hip to that, too.

What happened to you?

In a week, you became Mr. Clipboard.

You remember what we used to say about Mr. Clipboard?

Yeah, we said if he kept riding us,

we'd take him to the parking lot and beat the crap out of him.

But now that I'm a manager --

oh, my god! That just seems so ghetto!

You know what? Screw you.

Buy me a soda from the machine.

You still coming to the barbecue Sunday? Yeah.

I just gotta find a date.

What happened? You were dating two girls.

Oh. Turns out they were dating each other.

Yeah, they just tricked me into driving them places.

Morning, Benny.

Not now. Okay.

Mom, what are you doing?!

I'm just punching in some of my friends.

Don't worry. They'll be here.

Hey, that's not fair to the employees who are here on time.

Mom, you can't do that.

They told me that I couldn't push out that big head of yours,

but I did that, too.

George...

Mr. Powers wants to talk to you. He doesn't look happy.

And trust me, he does not want to be tickled.

Hey, Mr. Powers.

Roll up your pants, Lopez. There's a crap storm coming.

Is it falling heavy in the mountains, sir?

I was hoping to do some crapboarding this weekend.

We lost the boeing contract, George.

Gotta make cuts.

I'm thinking Ernie and his crew.

Whoa. I can't fire Ernie. He's the best man I got.

It's either that or your mom and her crew.

My mom? You want me to fire my mom?

Jack, I get scared wishing her a happy birthday.

Welcome to being a manager.

Let me know your decision by Monday.

You don't understand.

She got me this job.

She's been a line inspector here for 30 years.

Well, she's probably got some money saved up.

No, Jack!

It all goes to bingo and cigarettes!

She's got nothing.

If I fire her, she'll have to come and live with me and Angie.

Oh!

How am I gonna talk Angie into that?

I could give you some advice on that...

But I'm not married, and...

I have no friends, and both my parents are dead, so...

What did I ask you to do that was so terrible?

Nothing! Just leave me alone!

What the hell's going on?

I have no idea.

I want her to watch Max and his friends

on the slip 'n' slide Sunday,

and when I told her she should wear her bathing suit,

she went all Mariah Carey on me.

Let me talk to her.

You talk to her!

Good plan.

I hear someone doesn't want to wear a bathing suit.

Dad, I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it either.

Let's just sit here awhile so your mom thinks I handled it.

Oh, man.

Why did I have all that coffee and chili dogs today?

Oh, dad, don't!

Someone's strangling a duck outside.

We're about to hear it.

Okay! I'll talk!

Talk fast. The train's leaving the station.

Okay.

I'm hairy.

I want you to let me shave my legs.

Oh, that's a hard one for me, Carmen,

'cause I want you to stay my little girl.

Can't you just let the hair grow?

Then when you get old enough,

we'll take you to the woods and release you.

Well...

It's not just my legs.

It's something else, too.

Oh-h-h, ho ho!

Under your arms!

Carmen, you got jungle pits.

See, that's why I hate swim class!

Everyone makes fun of me!

You know, when I was a kid, I got made fun of a lot, too.

"You're stupid!" "You're fat!"

"Your father's a loser!"

Your grandmother can be a very cruel woman.

Oh, god.

So is it okay if I shave?

Yes.

And I'm gonna give you my grandfather's razor.

It's the one I used when I first started to shave.

Thanks, dad.

And don't you worry.

We're gonna do something about that little mustache, too.

Mustache?!

I have a mustache?!

Wait! Is that the lie?

You don't get this lying thing, do you?

I don't know why we adopted you.

That's definitely the lie.

Sure it is.

Good night, Gretchen. Ooh! Carmen.

Whoo.

Everything go okay?

The kids at school are making fun of her underarm hair.

That's what the phony notes were about.

Man, I don't know how you do it, Angie.

I thought I had some tough stuff to deal with today.

But taking care of the house and the kids all day by yourself.

I wish I could be here more.

I feel guilty. You know what I should do?

I should fire my mom and make her, like, the maid!

It'd be funny, right? I mean, you'd like that.

You wouldn't get mad, right? It'd be funny.

What are you trying to tell me, George.

Okay, look, something happened at work.

I have to fire either Ernie or my mom,

and it's gonna be my mom, Angie.

That's horrible! How can they make you do that?

I think she's gonna have to come and live with us.

Mom...max wants to know if he can lock his door.

He dreamt that grandma tried to kill him again.

It's a dream about a boy with his grandmother.

Does it matter what they're doing?

Tell Max not to worry. I'll be up to tuck him in.

So?!

You want to bring that into our house?

This isn't gonna be easy for any of us.

I have to fire my own mom!

"Hey, ma, dump your crap in this bag,

"and follow the guy with the badge out."

I love you!"

This is crazy!

Why do you want to relive your childhood?

She's different now. How?

She's had 20 more years of smoking.

Angie, I think I can finally take her!

Even if she's kicking my ass, she's gotta stop for a smoke.

But, George, this is our home.

But this is my mother.

Oh, man, why did I have all that coffee and chili dogs today?

George, after 14 years of marriage, I'm immune.

Okay!

Fine!

She can move in.

And you're gonna try and make this work?

You're not just doing this to get her while she's asleep?

No, if I ever get her, I want her to be awake.

Do you know how much I love you right now?

Prove it.

How?

Well, there's something I want you to do...

And I want to watch.

I'll go stretch.

I want to watch you fire your mom.

I'll do it slow.

Here are the hot dogs.

What are you doing?

Ow. My underarms burn.

Your grandpa's old razor was so dull, it took me forever.

Didn't you change the blade?

Was I supposed to?

Sweetheart...

That was the blade we used before we put him in the coffin.

Oh, my god!

Carmen!

That's why you don't lie to people.

It wasn't a lie.

Hey, George, great barbecue, huh?

Where's your date, dude?

Oh, uh, she said she was parking my car,

but it's been, like, an hour.

Hey, uh, since I got you,

there's this rumor going around there's gonna be some layoffs.

I'm not gonna lose my job, am I?

Who's getting fired?

Look, Ernie, I can't talk about it right now.

Oh, man, it's me. I'm gonna lose my job.

Look at George! Look how guilty his face is!

George, George!

You want to be a boss, act like a boss.

Take your friend into the house, sit him down,

tell him the truth.

Mom, stop. You don't know the situation.

You're always like this. You want to be the good guy.

Why don't you grow a pair?

You're right. I'll be right back, Ernie.

Can I talk to you in the house for a minute?

Sure.

Mom, it's not Ernie. It's a different department.

A lot of people are gonna be hurt by this.

Spit it out, Margaret. I want names.

It's the inspectors.

Look, I'm sorry. I hate this.

But I gotta do what's best for the company.

What's best for the company?

I'm your mother!

Was the company there when you won your little league trophy?!

Mom, you weren't even there!

You dropped me off at the curb!

Who changed your birth certificate

so you could be a big shot playing with the little kids?!

It's gonna be okay.

I talked to Angie.

She said you can come and live with us.

Thank you, Angie.

She's such a Saint.

Everything she does is good...

And she's got you like this!

Well, there's more room now that you let go!

Jack, got a minute?

Yeah, sure.

I've made my decision.

I'm laying off my mom and the inspectors.

Really?

I figure Ernie and the guys can inspect their own parts.

If we lose the machinists, we'll have to outsource.

Then more jobs are in jeopardy. I'm not gonna let that happen.

Good for you.

Big thing in a boy's life when he fires a parent.

My pop never saw it coming.

That was a good birthday.

It wasn't fun for me, Jack.

What wasn't fun?

Firing her. I did it yesterday.

You did what?

George, you weren't supposed to actually fire her!

Jack, you told me to!

I figured you'd come see me first.

George, it was a test.

A test?

Are you crazy, Jack?

That's why I work in a factory. I'm no good at tests.

Listen to me.

You are the first man from the line who ever made manager.

I was testing your loyalty.

I just wanted to see if you were capable of firing your mother.

Oh, you want to know what I'm capable of?

How's this? I quit!

Oh, no, George, come on. Hey, hey, hey!

You can't leave me with nobody to run this place.

Watch me, Jack.

No, no, wait!

How can I make it up to you?

Shut down between Christmas and new year's

so everybody can have time off.

No way.

No way.

That would cost a fortune.

Let me let you in on a little secret, Jack.

We don't work that week anyway.

We all just stand around talking about what an s.O.B. You are.

¶ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la la ¶

all right, all right.

Not yet.

I want two weeks off with pay.

Not for me -- for my mom.

No problem, George.

I'll give her three weeks. I don't like her.

Hey, can I have everyone's attention?

Listen -- I know you've all heard rumors about layoffs,

but they're not true.

Actually, I got good news.

For the first time in 20 years, everyone's getting the week off

between Christmas and new year's.

With pay.

Lunch at thirsty's -- first round's on me!

I'm in!

All right! George is back!

But if I catch anybody drinking, they're fired.

I still like him, but I'm disappointed, George.

So?

So what?

So, what happened for real?

Nothing. Don't worry about it.

You got your job back. Be happy.

You couldn't pull the trigger, could you, Mr. Good guy?

Oh, man.

What, did you take a pay cut?

Did you beg for mommy's job back?

Okay, that's it.

You want it, here it is.

I fired you.

Power's was testing me to see if I could do it.

You didn't fire me. Yes, I did.

Mom! I fired your ass!

Look in my eyes.

You say you can always tell if I'm lying by looking in my eyes.

What do you see?

You fired me!

Thank you.

I'm gonna say something I never said before.

I'm proud of you.

You had the guts to fire your own mother.

They finally dropped.

You know, they don't make hallmark cards

for people like us, mom.

You know, honey...

I'm really proud of the way you handled everything.

Oh, thank you, baby.

Hey, how's your mom enjoying her vacation?

I think she's just happy being out of the house.

Max had that bad dream again.

Grandma was chasing me with a knife.

All: Aaahhhh!

Who wants cake?