Original subtitles

What's this traffic jam?

It's the 11th of November procession, Madame. - Oh good God,

How annoying, we're going to be late!

Joseph, do you think this will take long?

I'll go and ask, Madame.

Wow, cute girl!

Hey there! - What's the matter with you!?

Oh, nothing, just like that, because you have a funny contraption.

Do you come here often?

Very funny. - No no, it's not funny.

But wait, you don't know how to use it. My father's an optician, I'll help you.

Here, allow me.

Slacker '62

Based on the play by Mouezy-Eon and Sylvane

Director: Fran�ois Givray, Co-Director: Fran�ois Truffaut

"O that my keel would break! O that I would go to the sea!" Arthur Rimbaud

It's no good, that thing of yours.

What? - You can't see a thing. Maybe the mirror isn't in place.

You're very pretty.

And to think that in two months you'll be the one parading.

You, who are afflicted with sleep-walking!

And I didn't even manage to get you into the Medical Service.

What a shame, I had the humanity required to be a nurse.

But I'm not giving up yet!

I don't want my sister's child

to mingle with scum. - Yes Aunt.

Promise me one thing.

At least try and make a good impression on Colonel Choderlos.

He's also a great horse-lover, he can't not take you in his regiment!

Yes Aunt! - He's stationed in Nice, it's a good climate.

You're called Annie? - Yes. - Pretty name.

Say, do you want a balloon? - Sure.

Madame! A balloon please.

I'm anxious at the thought of the troubles that await you during your service.

Really, when you're not made for a job, it shouldn't be forced on you.

That would be justice, which is not of this world.

But I shall leave you, Chantal, and that is my true sorrow.

I share it, Jean, do believe me.

Of that above all, my soul is saddened.

Deeply so.

Give me your hand.

I'm sorry Annie, but I have to leave you.

Yes, my job, you know.

Say, how about meeting up tonight?

Rendez-vous

tonight... at the... Cheval...

d'Or. - d'Or, the Cheval d'Or.

It's a little cabaret behind the Panth�on.

So, you'll come, won't you? - Maybe.

Oh, come on, you'll come, won't you? - Yes.

Ok. Goodbye, Annie! - Goodbye!

Ok, ready to roll! - Here you go Joseph.

Thank you Madame.

My good Joseph, I won't forget you either.

I'll intercede on your behalf with the Colonel,

so that you may be in the same regiment as my nephew.

And that way, you can go on taking care of him.

Be careful, Joseph!

A chauffeur is not a taxi driver!

Almost there.

Oy, plonker!

Those military cars, they take up all the space!

How much do I owe you?

It's on the meter. 14,850 francs.

Could I write you a cheque?

I'd rather you paid me.

Thank you.

Welcome to the 61st/1A. Enlistment.

Enlistment.

Follow me, you need to swipe the captain's office.

But what do I do with this? - No buts!

Enlistment.

Get rid of this wheelbarrow. - But sir, the rookies... - No buts!

Excuse me, Mr military, could you tell me - This way!

Give me the broom, I need to get rid of the cobwebs.

No, hey! - Well come on, pass it over!

No, I say - Hey!

Well fuck off then, jerk!

Gimme that.

Back in line!

Did you see that one, a real rookie!

What's that, corporal? - A wheelbarrow.

I can see that; but what are you doing? - I'm carting it.

Oh, so you're carting it?

An officer doesn't do, corporal, he orders.

If everyone followed your example,

the Minister of Defense would soon be in charge of night shifts!

Four days!

Stand to attention!

Do believe, gentlemen, that I am touched by this sympathetic

and respectful welcome,

but it is to this room's corporal that I-

Yes pal, I'm your corporal.

Excuse me? - Excuse me that I'm your corporal, are you deaf?

I beg your pardon, but I'm not used to such familiarities.

Who are you?

Not having had the pleasure of your acquaintance, I wouldn't address you thus.

Sorry, next time we'll speak in the third person!

Obviously you don't know who you're talking to.

I am... - Maybe Monsieur sucked on the Obelisk to make it pointy.

I am Jean Emilien Arthur LeRat de la Grignoti�re.

Any more? You said, LeRat Grignoti�re?

LeRat de la Grignoti�re, in four words.

Well, LeRat de la Grignoti�re in four words,

I'm going to tell you something: You're not here to have fun.

Don't even try, because it won't work!

Mister! - No Mister in the service, call me corporal!

Corporal! - Good, now drop your rags and your hat over there. - My rag!?

Come on, scram! Get it all off.

But... stop!

It's a trap!

That's all mighty fine, but take this cloth and wipe up all your mess.

Come on, quick!

I'm going to wipe it? - I should hope so.

I'm going to wipe it...

So... I wipe.

To wipe or not to wipe, that is the question.

Here's the champagne! Calls for a drink!

We'll drink after the roll call.

Monsieur, mopping up!

Joseph! Well here you go, my friend.

Oh no, after you! - But the agreement with my aunt?

In the army, the boss is the officer, Monsieur!

Got it? - I forbid you to do his chores for him!

Well, is it going to take all day? You seem quite the skiver.

Mister, I do not know such colloquialisms,

But you should know I shall complain to the highest authorities.

Individual reclamations are the only ones admitted.

In the case of a punishment, the soldier may only complain

if he has started carrying out his punishment.

D'you get what it means?

If you're to be shot, you can only complain once the punishment has been carried out.

Mop it up.

I am personnally acquainted with Lieutenant Daumel,

and my aunt has relations with your colonel.

Your aunt has relations with the colonel!? Well well well!

Sir, you sully my family!

Attention!

I am delighted to... - Well well!

My boy, please keep your distances.

But I am Monsieur LeRat de la Grignoti�re!

Maybe you can't place me! - Yes I can, back in your place!

Corporal, this familiar tone must not happen again.

Teach this man about exterior signs of respect, right now. - Yes, Lieutenant.

You'll make note of the beds attributed to the recruits.

No mess! - It's unbelievable how a uniform can...

Hair! A military cut!

No cheating here! All off!

Sir, I am cruelly disillusioned.

I would have liked to believe that for people of polite society -

Here my boy, you are part of military society!

Consider that final!

At ease!

There's some work for you in the room. - Come on.

You're sure lucky to have relations.

Corporal, indicate the men who need haircuts,

and make it snappy. - You.

Do you realize, a haircut! - You. - Especially with our faces... - You two!

What a hairdresser...

Dude, I've met a wonderful girl!

A dancer at the Mougins opera. If you want, I'll get you a seat.

She has big hair, behind, like this,

and on stage, big feathers, like this,

and when she's on stage, if only you saw her walk, you'd be like

She walks like this, see.

Oh, no not my moustache!

I've read the rules, and saw that every soldier can keep them

just as they were when he arrived.

And now that you have a good little soldier's head, Mr LeRefreshed,

I'll teach you military manners.

Civilian manners are exchanging pleasantries like

Hey, how's it going, yo people, how's it rolling?

You tip your hat, shake five,

kiss ladies' hands.

Interesting idea of courtesy.

In the army, it's something else.

Suppose for one the colonel comes in, what do you do?

I'll warn you he's got a filthy temper. - I don't move, and keep my butt tight.

You keep whatever you wish tight, that's not the point.

Come on, earlier, when the colonel came in, what did I shout?

Attention! Ok, so I attend.

No, you look straight ahead.

That's it. And I hold myself straight.

Very good.

And when the officer says, "at ease"?

I take it easy. - Enough, I can see you're smart.

Go with the herd.

Something else.

When an officer comes in the room, the first one to see him calls "Attention!"

May I venture a simple observation? - Which is?

How may one tell one is the first to see the officer coming into the room?

What's he saying? - How can you tell?

That's true, how can you tell?

How can you tell, how can you tell...

The first to see him calls attention, the others shut up. You don't get that?

Yes yes, I do. - And the main thing is for you to stand to attention.

No need for you to repeat, I have understood.

Well, we'll see. Break ranks.

So, you can't break ranks when I say break ranks?

Attention!

Very witty, it won't work next time.

Attention! - Not this time... - You, what are you up to!?

Stand to attention when an officer comes into the room. Corporal!

Take your men to the infirmary

for the first injection. - Is it tough?

Does it hurt? - I'm no wimp...

Go ahead. Because injections,

I can't stand them. The minute I see a needle, bam!

I'm out cold.

Once, I went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled out.

He gave me an injection: bam, out cold!

He slaps me, half-an-hour later I come back to.

I ask him, so, is the tooth out?

He tells me no. Bam, out cold again!

Hey rookies!

The doc, he's a real butcher, you'll see.

For injections,

Crac!

Hey, stretcher!

Hey, he's not the sick one!

Are you nuts, eating after the injection?

You're going to faint. - Ha, my organism is immune to injections.

One step forward, march!

One step forward, march!

One step forward, march!

One step forward, march!

One step forward, march! - Some idea the colonel had!

Come on, move!

Oh no, for me it's...

Down, stupid mutt!

Go, scram!

Don't know why, but they never like me.

Ole!

Ole, come on!

Ah, crappy worthless old bunk!

Since I notice you're setting yourself up,

would you be so kind as to switch places with me?

I sleepwalk. - Sure.

Your packing must be perfect.

Suitcases under the beds.

I don't want to see a single civilian!

You just have to stand out!

Attention!

You, to the kitchen, grub.

Come on, move it.

Who can ride a bike? - Me sir! - Good,

you'll teach your friends this song, let them know it by tomorrow.

But I'm not a musician. - No buts.

At ease.

So, Monsieur is dressing up all snappy, I'll drive Monsieur to Auteuil.

Endlessly witty, Joseph. - Oh, it's military humor, Monsieur.

And now, for champagne! Corporal!

You will take a... - No alcohol, pal, we're under medical supervision.

Oh! - No rush, there'll be some for everyone.

And only one cup per person!

Go on, pass the bottle! - The bottle! - Pass it on!

Got it? - Yes.

Hey, LeRat! - No thanks. - Come on, just a bit!

What's wrong, he's sulking? - Yes, I think he's angry.

And now, drinking military-style. Attention!

Raise hands! Raise to mouth!

Fire at will!

Well, that's not flattering to you!

And me? - And me?

And me? Come on! - Corporal!

Hey, with the long face, how long have you been in the service for?

One day.

Just about what I have left.

From the first section? - Yes.

Who's your boss?

Saltpetre.

Do you know him? - I say, they're all the same kind.

The colonel's a real wacko.

Anyhow, no time to get bored, you'll be doing the great drills.

7% losses!

But trouble or no trouble, it's all the same.

You won't get a break for six weeks, so...

What are you doing? - I'm pinning up my fianc�e.

Your fianc�e? You're engaged to a film star?

Yes, to Bernadette Lafont.

Why do you put her there? - To be able to see her all night.

You may see her all night, but she's in my arms!

Hey, careful. Careful!

Oh, look at you, pervert!

So Monsieur, getting used to it?

Come on, lights out!

There.

Here Monsieur.

Wake up! Up!

Wake up you corpses! - Hey corporal!

Didn't they switch places?

Wake up, everyone go clean up!

Hey guys, freedom!

Do you want two days?! - Look:

Quick, cheap, practical.

Oh, sorry! - You got two days!

Come on, head under water!

Is that thing coffee or grandma's tea? - There, now it's coffee!

There you go. Oh well that's...

Wait, him too, let's give him a hand.

Tie it tight. There you go, then you tighten it.

So, Mr LeSlow, hurry up?

There, nice and tight, there you go.

It's almost time for LeRoll call.

Hey buddies, delicious coffee!

Bring it on! - Come on! - Hey, slowly!

Come on, over here! - Hey, take it easy!

Come on, everyone off to roll call!

Attention!

Company assembled, sir.

Company assembled, lieutenant.

Company, on my command: lay down arms!

Present arms!

Company assembled, colonel.

Company, on my command: lay down arms!

What's this!?

Pleased to meet you, colonel. I am LeRat de la Grignoti�re.

Never heard of it.

Officers, if you'll please come over here.

Please note the slackening, lieutenant, and for your troubles...

And no need to thank me!

Hut, two! Hut, two!

Hut, two! Hut, two!

Your left, Dudomenc. Do you even know what your left foot is?

Left! Left!

There, left. Left! Left!

Left! There. No, left! Left!

Left! I can't believe it.

Left! There.

Here, like this!

Corporal, since they won't get it, time for drastic measures.

Right, left, right, left, right, left...

Hey, move it! - Oh, hey, you! Stop pulling on it!

Hey, you're the one who can't keep up!

Left right left right left right!

Come on, get a move-on!

Well go on, turn!

Hut, two!

Hut, two, hut, two, hut, two!

Vidovan!

Set the tone!

Hut two three four!

The soldiers went off to Lorraine

The regiment braved the cannons - Braved the shells!

The blood that flows in our veins

Is that of the young Napoleon. - One two three four!

In the great book of victories

Whose furrows our fathers ploughed,

The trumpets of glory will sound. - Section!

- Halt! - And victory will be ours.

Oh, sorry, I didn't... - Bravo. Congratulations.

Shit, it's going to rain. - Assemble, in two columns behind me!

Take your distances...

Attention!

And now for section 146. - Obelix!

Better than that: 146!

Obelix!

Break ranks.

Oh, can't you do that a bit further off?

Hey lady, come on, give a man a break!

Hey, come on, don't break our hearts!

What's that, monsieur? - A grasshopper.

Are you thinking of Chantal? - Yes.

Blondeau! Robert! Blondeau!

Assemble in two columns behind me!

Attention! Hut! Hut, two, hut, two...

Hut two!

Section, halt!

Left turn, left!

Corporal, teach them the exterior signs of respect!

You'll note that if all the dudes in the regiment

came up to the colonel to shake five and ask him how his wife is doing,

he'd have no time for anything else!

So another method was found: the military salute!

The military salute should be a determined gesture, looking straight at

the person one is saluting, and with one's head held high.

The right hand is held up to the right side of the head,

the hand forming a straight line with the arm,

the fingers extended and joined up, palm facing forward, hips straight,

forming a straight line with the shoulders.

After saluting, put your right hand back in place.

The soldier, meeting an officer, saluted him from six feet away,

and keeps his saluting position until two steps after passing him.

Now you'll practice in twos.

First row, face back right,

Right! - Four one two!

Forward, march! - Four! - Salute!

Section, halt! - One two!

For both rows, face back right, right!

Four one two! - For the first row, forward,

March! - Four! -Salute! Section,

Halt! - One two! - For both rows, face back right, right!

Four one two! - For the first row,

Forward, March! Salute! - Four!

Section, halt!

One two! - For both rows, face back right,

Right! - Four one two! - For the second row, forward, march!

Salute!- Four!

Section, halt!

One two! - For the second row, face back right, right!

Four one two! - Hey!

You can't just salute like everyone else, can you?

But tell me corporal,

What do you do when your hands are busy?

Well...

If you're holding a package or an object,

You salute with your right hand and pass the object to your left hand.

Second possibility:

You're on a staircase.

You leave the handrail to the officer.

If for some reason both hands are busy,

You salute by decidedly raising your head towards the officer.

If you're on a

two-wheeled vehicle,

and you're in control of your vehicle, you salute with your right hand

without losing control of your vehicle!

If you're not in control of your vehicle,

you don't need to salute.

And you give your full attention to driving your vehicle.

If you're riding a horse,

you slow down

and salute your officer

while asking for permission to cross his path.

At ease!

Watch carefully!

Isn't it beautiful?

100.000 franc junk.

Treat it as your pride and joy.

It'll help you out one day,

when you need to return a compliment in town.

Or in the fields!

Fr�mont! - Sergeant?

A few men for grub duty. - I can't believe it!

You need what you need!

Say, Gobert, you who's educated and all,

I wanted to ask you something.

You cut a potato in four, what do you get? - Four quarters.

You cut those four quarters in two, what do you get? - Holy cow, I don't know.

Eight eighths! - Oh yeah. - And you cut those eighths in two, now what?

Well, sixteen sixteenths... - Wrong, french fries!

That's a good one! - Loves me...

Loves me not... Loves me...

Loves me not.

Say hello to Joe.

And the hat.

There you go.

Not bad!

Very funny...

Corporal, my knife is broken, may I get another one from the room?

Oh, so your knife is broken? - Yes.

Well then go grind the coffee! On the double!

There you go.

Quicker.

Quicker! Quicker!

Always quicker!

Hey guys, look at him! - Oh, hey!

Bloody Parisian,

Parisian blockhead! - Oh, come on!

Oh, shut up, jerk!

At ease!

Quiet!

Attention!

Gentlemen!

I've tasted your soup: it's delicious!

Full of good calories.

Try looking for restaurants in town where they feed you so well!

Careful lads, I'm watching!

Have a good meal, colonel. - Thank you, you too.

Well, sister Anastasie,

did my daughter work hard this morning?

Good student: sharp but lacks attention, can do better. - Thank you, sister.

Luuk, luuk there!

Achille, Laura won't have her yoghurt!

What's this?!

So young and rebelling!? None of that in my family!

What's the matter!? Let's have a look.

Don't wand adybore.

Id's not good! - It's delicious!

Full of good calories!

Wadda dose!

Bililili...

Try and find a restaurant in town where...

Another days to go.

No one will laught at you anymore in the streets

when you go back home, for you will be men.

Present arms! - Four one two!

Lay down arms! - Four one two!

Present arms! - Four one two!

At ease!

Say, Mr LeLimp, no being at ease while presenting arms.

Did you do it by malice or stupidity?

Stupidity. - Twenty push-ups.

Six o'clock.

And to start off the day well, here's Ricet Barrier.

It was winter and already night was falling

When she arrived I was reading Paul G�raldy

She said hello while lifting up her -

Guards, present arms!

Lay down arms!

Arms at the hip! Forward, march!

Face back right, right!

Lay down arms! Arms on right shoulder!

For relieved guard: present arms!

Arms on right shoulder!

Off to the police station. Forward, march!

And don't forget to call to arms when the colonel gets here!

To arms! To arms! To arms!

Did you do it by malice or stupidity?

Stupidity.

What do I do with this?

Miss Catherine Choderlos. Shit, it's for the colonel's daughter.

Will you take care of it? - Hmmm.

Great, my dress!

Here you go, miss. - Ah, here.

When the milkman comes, you'll ask for a litre and a half, as usual.

Yes miss. - Ah, my dress!

No lewd looks towards representatives of a superior authority!

Present arms!

Hey, you two, enough already!

Come on, twenty push-ups!

If I am here today, it is because I place great importance

upon the results our recruits obtain on the assault course.

Of all military exercises, it is the one

that first displays a man's ability in combat and his desire to vanquish.

Roustard, go on!

Rocco!

Gabule!

Useless efforts just bring me down.

Vidovan! - Wait, watch this!

Corporal, I can't, I twisted my ankle

yesterday, in the dorm, by climbing -

Scram, dirty mut! Help!

Duquoquacenti!

LeRat! Staquaire! Gobert!

Duflot!

Faster!

Come on LeRat!

Help! Help!

Where am I? Oh!

Two minutes forty! You beat the record!

You wuss, turned all yellow? - So LeRat,

nice weather up there?

LeRat de la Grignoti�re, come down!

That's an order! - Nono, I can't.

So, LeRat, having fun being Tarzan?

So, Mr LeRatatouille,

are you going to freeze your... off?

Shush, it could kill him!

What is it, time to get up?

You know, cinema,

I live in a world without it.

None of that!

Lafont or no Lafont, never heard of you! - Do you know me?

I get it, you keep telling everywhere that we're engaged.

We're shooting a little program,

my little fianc�!

Everyone in front of me in a single row!

Right in the kisser.

Bastard! Holy cow!

What are you doing there? - Umh, I...

Don't they teach you to introduce yourself!?

Private second-class, Dominique Duquoquacenti.

Duquoquacenti!?

Say, you're from Bastia, aren't you! - Yes, lieutenant.

Try not to get caught.

Leave! Leave! Guys!

Hey, people! Leave! Leave!

Let go!

You know what leave is?

Leave is our little soldier's week-long week-end.

It's the warrior's well-earned rest.

Here, look.

It's white like a girl's dress on prom night,

swirling around the party as she dances.

Here, look at this.

It's Old L�on's caf�, where we can go and have a pint,

you and me.

Listen: it's the wind in the trees,

the sand, the sea, the sun!

It's also the silver screen,

where we can go and see - Bernadette! - Yeah, if you want.

It's the key to the great fields of freedom! And the shooting fields, of course.

It's also, why not,

thousands of confetti, to throw at the Nice carnival,

where we'll be heading soon, right!?

Hurry up guys, the sergeant is at the end of the corridor.

Will these buttons hold?

Not very tight!

Belt!

Raise you right leg!

All right. Raise your left leg!

Shit!

Tough guy, eh? If you go on like that, no leave!

Whose helmet is this? - Not mine, sergeant.

Mine, sergeant.

Are you going on leave? - Yes sergeant. - Hand me your leave sheet.

There's your leave!

Major!

Attention!

Go!

Go! Go back!

What's wrong, sergeant? - You can't tell? That's even more serious!

Hey guys, wait for me!

Sergeant, request permission to go on leave! - Granted!

Your socks!

They're not regulation. Go off and change!

Your shoes!

Ok.

You're missing a nail, off you go!

Sergeant, requesting permission - Go on, granted!

Holy cow! Hey!

Say, what are you doing? - Trying to make my hair grow.

Hey, Rousseau,

anything wrong with my outfit? - Don't know, can't say.

hmm. You, say,

can you tell me why they didn't let me go?

Ah, my dear friend, you're missing your badge.

Here, I'll lend you mine.

Thank you, Monsieur!

Go on.

Sergeant, that leave, can I go? - Go on, take your leave!

Thank you sergeant!

Hey, my scooter!

Ah, shit! - From Beatrice

to Dante. From Daphnis to Cloe.

From Tom to Jerry. From -

Attention!

You'll patrol in town. I want you at the police station immediately.

No, I have no regrets.

Goodbye!

Chantal, with Daumay?

Unbelievable.

Come on Gobert. Here you go Grandma!

Don't I know you from somewhere?

We need to put on our hats. - None of that, Gobert!

Come on, give it here. - No way, Gobert!

Come on, to whoever catches it! Whoops!

Hey, I can't go on like this. I need to do something!

Come on, back me up on this!

Gobert, let's have some fun. Here, isn't this worth a look?

What?

My hands are on fire!

Ow! I shall have my revenge! - Oh, let me go!

How annoying!

All right, I'm off, I have a date.

Bastard, dropping us like this. Hey!

You don't have your hat! - Ah, never mind, I'll manage!

You'll get caught by the patrol! - Ah, don't worry about him.

Come on rookie.

Hey, what's the idea? - Since when are rookies allowed to take the night off?

Aw, come on, shut up.

I recognize you, you're from Section 1.

I can guarantee you won't sleep well tomorrow.

What's the matter? - Nothing.

What are you up to? It's only six o'clock!

But today we're marching. Forty kilometers, with heavy loads!

They do it on purpose.

After the party, back to reality!

By the way,

you were a fine bastard, you ditched us last night!

I prefer my chick to your dogs!

That's a real chick!

Monsieur's always ill,

so in Paris, we couldn't drive five km without him wanting to throw up.

And we had a Citro�n DS, so in a GMC, can you imagine!?

Gobert is the same, he gets nauseous.

But he doesn't have a DS!

Here, that'll do just fine. Stop in front of that fine mud.

There, stop!

Atomic alert! Air raid!

On your bellies, I want to see you crawl.

On your bellies.

Come on, down flat!

I want to see you crawl!

On your bellies, I want to see you crawl!

On your bellies I say!

Come on, better than that! On your bellies!

Air raid! Atomic alert!

Come on, give me your hand, de la Grignoti�re!

Don't be scared.

Lift up your foot.

Lift up your foot! There.

Rats!

Stop moving as much!

Hey guys, seen Gobert's girlfriend?

You should see the real one!

Section, halt!

To your places!

If you go on behaving like idiots you'll -

Ah, playing smart, eh? How about a little stroll in reverse!

Face back right, right!

Backwards, march!

One two, one two, one two!

Yuri Gagarin - Back from the skies - Around the world.

I'm not looking behind you.

You idiot, can't you watch your step!?

Section, halt!

Jeez, smoking embers! What a stench!

My brother and I - We don't like you.

Listen guys, we're peaceful farmers.

But if you're looking for a fight you're going to get it.

So that's how it is?! Duel.

Duriace, ten paces. Horace, twenty paces.

Careful, on my signal!

Go!

My guts! - My heart!

Nice double shot!

Hey, these things just go off! - Ouch! - Sorry.

Careful, you're crazy!

Sir, can I take your picture, I've mentioned you a lot to my family!

Yes, of course!

Here, it's all wound up. - You, come with me!

Yes sir, I'll be glad to!

You're not in frame, move back!

Another step, backwards! - We'll seem bigger?

No, that won't do at all.

The mountain's not in frame. Further back!

Closer together!

Further back!

So, corporal, any better?

Did you do that by malice or stupidity?

Ohhh... By stupidity!

Never mind. It was a noble intention.

What are you doing? - I have a date.

A well-born lady I picked up last night.

It's my first one here, but in Paris...

I'll remind you to be here for roll call.

Don't worry about that.

Dummies weren't invented for nothing.

Yeah, but if the sergeant comes in and checks under the covers,

who gets the blame? - The corporal!

May I? -Don't you want some bread? - No thanks.

Why don't you eat it now? - It's my mystery food for the trip!

Joseph? - Annie!

This is where you sleep? Nice!

Well, not bad. But I thought you were alone?

See that? Looks just like a girl!

A dame in the dorm five minutes before roll call. He's mad!

Go stand guard.

Miss, I am truly sorry to have to upset such an enchanting person,

but you need to split. As for you...

Oh, I beg you, Mr the Officer. - I'm not an officer.

Oh. Mr sergeant. - I'm no sergeant, I'm only a corporal!

Oh, it's not fair. - No, it's not fair!

But if the sergeant double checks the roll call, off to the mansion with me!

You have a mansion in the countryside?

No, the mansion, the joint, the hole, jail!

Here's the sergeant!

There go my stripes!

Attention!

The colonel realized that some rookies spent the night out.

I'll say it nicely:

in three minutes, he'll double-check the roll call.

If I get a warning because of you you're all going in!

The girl! And Lebahutec who's gone off!

In your places!

Attention!

At ease. I don't like repeating things twice.

This is what I found in the corridor.

How funny.

I grant leave when people ask me.

But I don't want, in my regiment, any scroungers spending the night out!

Corporal, how many men in the dorm?

Theoretical enrollment: Fourteen. Actual enrollment:

...ourteen. - Very good.

Second class Rocco. Present, in bed.

I see.

Second class Cabut. Present, in bed.

Second class Golard. - Present, up.

Second class Boudout. - Present, up!

Your button!

Ah, there's a soldier as I like Clean,

Well-groomed. Backwards!

Perfect, well fed, the most splendid buttocks in the regiment, and I would know!

Don't I know?!

Backwards!

Your name, that I may designate you for the platoon.

Lelelele lebat�cu, le batu...

What!? - Lebahutec.

Sergeant, sergeant Darriot.

Write it down.

Who's this Punchinello?

LeRat de la Grignoti�re, pleased to meet you, Colonel.

I do not know anyone here, and that's colonel, sir! to you.

I'll teach you military manners. Corporal,

you'll teach this man the exterior marks of respect.

I've tried, colonel, sir, but he won't learn. - Well,

four days for you then. That'll teach you to discipline your men.

And you, you think yourself smart?

No, colonel, sir, but you know my aunt, I am LeRat.

LeDriveller!

No laughing in front of a superior.

Even when what he says is witty.

Or else, there would be a permanent leadership void.

Careful lads,

I'm watching you! - Well, that was a close one.

Everyone in bed! Stay here, I'll switch off the lights myself.

Well, at long last.

Don't move, he's behind the door.

That bitch stood me up!

What? That dummy's gotten bigger!

A woman! It's a woman!

Joseph!

Leave her alone! - Oh, enough with your games!

Leave her alone! If he came through, then the coast is clear.

Come on, you can go now.

I like you but, you know, I already didn't sleep last night, so...

Meet you at the Cheval d'Or, all right? I really like you, ok?

But the show's over for tonight, ok?

Come here, you...

Don't be stupid, it's me. - Oh, sorry.

One, two, three, four,

Five -

Someone switched on the lights!

Whatever!

Excuse me sir -

Oh, aren't you free yet?

No, they found that I was a bit too eager to leave, so...

Would you be so kind as to indicate where my bunk may be?

Just help yourself.

Courtesy assault.

Come here.

Three steps backwards, march!

Present arms!

Hello Miss.

I've come to get news of my cousin. - Oh, he's fine.

He's doing wonderfully well. But let's talk about you.

Will you let me bring you back? - Gladly.

...yes, but well, like this, too, because...

...Well...

LeRat! LeRat! LeRat!

Listen up! Wait a second.

I think I've found a way to get you out.

You know that in theory, you're in for two weeks.

Yet if anyone was innocent in this case it's you.

Anyway, the colonel came to see us this morning,

and he asked us to organize a show for Madame his wife's charity.

So I looked in the library and found this.

Slacker.

I told the colonel that I absolutely needed you

for the main role, and the best thing is, he fell for it.

Me on stage? Never!

Imagine my family's reaction!

A LeRat de la Grignoti�re married an actress, it was a huge scandal!

Well, I'll tell you: it's either that or the hole.

"Tall half-wit socialite, unfit for military service"

You're going to give the role of du Bois d'Ombelles, I can see it from here!

Oh no, I'm du Bois d'Ombelles.

You'll be Turlot, my servant.

Yes... No, with my aunt, out of the question.

As you wish. But, you know,

I convinced the colonel to let his daughter Catherine take part.

Well, naturally getting out of two weeks in jail is pretty good...

So you're up for it?

I'm up for it.

You'll be none the sadder.

Here, your ticket to freedom, signed by the colonel!

Come on Jean.

Careful, I'll give out the roles.

Hello Miss, sister.

So, who wants to do Colonel Brochard? - Me! - Me!

Careful lads, I'm watching you! - Very good.

Who'll be the extras in the dorm? Gobert and Mufflot!

Now, for the women. Georgette, that'll be Miss,

Solange, that'll be Golart! - Oh no!

And Lauberpin will be Madame Blandart!

Come on, we're not here to have fun! Attention!

My friend, you are responsible for this evening.

Yes, Colonel! - You know how important I consider it!

The prefect will be there, and the highest civil

and religious authorities. You were right to choose "Slacker".

It's good to poke fun at the army's little quirks, on occasion.

As long as the rules of politeness are not broken!

Do you have time to rehearse? - Ye- Will you be ok?

Yes, Colonel Sir. - You're the director of this show.

And you're of it too! The star!

Mister LeRavishing!

I hope you'll make the audience laugh as much as you did us.

I know you're not scared,

since you'd like to be a soldier. - Oh, I'd love to!

You're a real man! - Yes, a real man!

You're not a wimp like Madame's nephew!

1095 days is a long time for a girl like you,

young, pretty, and full of passion!

Never mind! - Really?

Really! - Oh, my Georgette!

Bravo! - No, no, all wrong!

Your back is to the audience.

Remember that the audience is THERE!

So when you kiss her, not like this.

Cheat!

Here, like this.

Got it?

Wait, I'll mark the position.

Go on, again.

Madame, hello.

Ladies and gentlemen, hello, this way for the open day.

Civilians, welcome!

Mister the president of the Academy of Humor, let me introduce my husband.

Pleased to meet you. - And you.

LeBahutec, not made up yet?

You saw the colonel? You need to look exactly like him!

Careful lads, I'm watching you!

Madame. - Ah, Colonel, your party is splendid!

I can draw on resources that most people cannot.

Starting with Orly, the cook.

He comes from one of the best restaurants in Paris, Maxime's I believe.

He agreed to come here? - Of course!

He's doing his military service in my regiment. - Ah, wonderful.

There's a bit of everything in a regiment: masons, carpenters,

locksmiths, gardeners, and what not.

All the choice one needs. - And you choose.

Of course! - How pratical.

Very practical. - And cheap.

My aunt, Chantal! I'm done for!

Did you hear them, Solange?

Calm down Jean, you're hurting yourself.

Yes! - These emotions are no good for you. - No!

They're killing me! And my soul, so sensitive,

suffers to see all that is common

and trivial.

And trivial! - Careful, for God's sake!

God damn it! - Yes, coming.

Really, mother, you fret.

I fret, I fret, of course I fret! If I didn't fret, who would!?

No offence meant to the author,

but if that played forty thousand nights...

You know, during the Belle Epoque, the audiences were easier to please.

Four days! That'll teach you to speak without authorisation. At ease!

Can he make a good soldier? - Jean, a soldier?

Ridiculous! - I have only one option,

to get introduced to the Colonel.

Ah, there you are, Joseph. Did you lay the table?

My sister's child playing a servant!

This suits you very well. - Very well, Madame.

Ah, my Georgette! - Ah, my Jean!

Colonel!

This actor claims to look like me!?

I am the least formal man on earth,

as long as the lunch is good. And it will be!

Or else!

Oh, Jean! You,

A LeRat de la Grignoti�re, in a servant's role!

And that ain't all! If you'd seen me mop up from the kitchen to the shitter!

You mopped up the-? - Who gives?

It was either that or the hole. A real fuck-up, the hole.

How disgusting! - No, it's the army.

What counts is to know how to get your ass in gear. - Your a-

Ass in gear, a technical term.

I can't wait for freedom, for fuck's sake!

Oh, what have they done to you? Colonel!

No, aunt! Please, you'll get me sent back to the joint!

It seems I was wrong: a fine lad!

Jean, really, you're being absurd.

Why, because I'm badly dressed and he's got a suit?

Because they shaved my head and he has hat?

Did you do that by malice or stupidity?

Malice.

Please stand clear of the platform.

Victory, with a song,

opens up the gates.

Liberty guides our steps.

And from the North to the South...

Subtitles: corvusalbus & nletore