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In the age of the internet, how and who we love is never a secret.
There's a permanent record of the places we've been, the people we've loved, the
breakups we've had.
That's why we're inundated with articles, ads, and activities all
tailored perfectly to our lives, influencing our every action, causing us
to make decisions that we think are our own, but are actually influenced.
by something greater than even us algorithms this is why cupid co has been
so successful cupid co can predict exactly who belongs with whom and
through the use of their algorithms influence behaviors in their subjects
that facilitate perfect love matches which begs to question what would happen
if someone went in and with cupid co's algorithms would the possibility of love
just fall apart
Here are this year's targets and their respective deadlines.
Much love to you and to them.
Charlie?
Hey, Charlie!
You should be nicer, Charlie. Alan is practically your boss.
He's practically, but not.
Stop pouting. It's just another day.
If this is just another day, why is everyone giving such a shit about it?
Because people love love.
People love the idea of love.
But the people who are paying us aren't actually falling in love on their own.
We're programming the right moment for them to fall in love.
Yes, but the right moment doesn't happen unless they're open to it. The rest is
up to them.
We have an 80% success rate, so no matter how much you hate your job, we're
doing good work.
Cupid Co. had an 80% success rate because they hired the best programmers
in the business, like Charlie, who created algorithms for their customers.
And if he could create algorithms that made perfect matches, he could also
create ones that didn't.
And so he experimented with his first target, Laura King.
She had spent a lot of money with Cupid Co. in the hopes of finding true love.
Based on correct algorithms, she was the perfect match to PhD student Seth
Sanders, who, like her, spent a lot of time working and barely any time on his
social life.
But with a little programming tweaking on Charlie's end, she would now match
with Richard McLean, the newly appointed asshole dean at her university.
Why do you never trust me to do my job?
Facts are facts.
Your numbers are dwindling.
No one cares about the NFL, a feminist perspective.
Why? Because women couldn't possibly know anything about sports?
I... Even if they do, who cares?
I care.
Every woman who signed up for that class cares.
And how many women is that?
Listen, it's not personal.
It's a numbers game. It's about filling seats.
It's nice to know that education is now about filling seats. Not about actually,
you know...
Educating? If we don't fill the seats, then we can't educate.
So then... Promote it.
Like that stupid arcade history class that you took a while to get on board
with. You know, everyone wasn't crashing the servers to sign up for that one
right away.
But you put out an email blast.
You put up some ads.
Suddenly, the seats were filled.
You know... I don't think it's that... My ideas are bad.
It's that you are unwilling to promote them.
You're right.
Wait, what was that?
I said, you're right.
You know, when I hired you, I knew you were going to be a huge pain in the ass.
You're opinionated.
You're stubborn, and you don't soften when I flirt a little. Wait, this is
flirting?
I like how you're tough.
I like how you don't back down from anybody or anything.
Well, if I didn't stand up to you, then nothing would ever change.
I tell you what, I will send out an email blast, and if you get the sign
-ups... Then we both get what we want.
Right.
You know, this transition hasn't been the easiest of things for me.
Oh, yeah.
It seems really, really hard for you telling a former colleague what to do
all the time.
You'd be surprised. I was reading an article this morning about people
in a position of power and how they go about dealing with employees that
they're physically attracted to.
You know, how they navigate that field.
I just haven't figured out how to do it yet.
Well, you could start giving me this class.
Done.
And happy Valentine's Day.
Huh. You too.
I think I know how you can navigate your attraction.
How's that?
By getting it out of your system.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Hm.
Oh!
You messed with an algorithm.
Oh, that.
Oh, that? Our customers pay a lot of money for our services.
Why would you do something like that?
Because it's all bullshit.
Love is bullshit?
Manufacturing connection is.
We don't manufacture anything.
We're creating opportunities that wouldn't exist without our interference.
It's not real.
The feelings are.
Why? Because an ad popped up on the dean's Facebook page about managing
sexual connection with a colleague and all of a sudden he's not a jackass
anymore?
You have a gift.
What gift?
Programming? Creating perfect matches.
Listen, you have a better success rate than anyone that's ever worked for us.
Just please stop messing with the algorithms.
Three of my targets from the last two years have gotten engaged.
Congratulations. What's gone into you?
Do you really believe in what we're doing here?
Matching people with their soulmate? Yes.
A soulmate they wouldn't have found without us. Whatever happened to laying
things happen naturally?
Oh yeah, because that worked out for us.
I'm serious.
Why is helping two people fall in love such a problem? We have an 80% success
rate. And how many of that 80% actually worked out?
Well, maybe you should let me match you with somebody in our system, and then
you can find out. Are you crazy? No.
What, you scared it might actually work?
No. Sure you aren't.
The truth was, Charlie wasn't scared.
He'd been in love before, and it didn't work out.
That's reality.
Because in real life, most relationships don't work out.
Eventually, everything ends.
Badly.
And it just so happened that an opportunity presented itself for him to
prove just that.
What the fuck?
Hey, Mrs. Ward, is this a cutting hole? No, he just went to drop some stuff off
at the church, and you're more than welcome to wait until he gets back.
Yeah, thanks.
What are you working on?
Oh, a bake sale.
I'm raising money for the athletic program at the Hamilton Community
College.
I was doing so much for others.
Why don't you do something for yourself?
I enjoy taking care of others.
Yeah, but who's taking care of you?
I'm serious. What can I do to help? You want help packing the cookies, cleaning
the kitchen?
You want a massage?
Jamie, you being here is enough.
So, you really don't want my help?
No.
Okay.
What? What do you mean, what?
You're staring at me.
Yeah, because you're beautiful.
You shouldn't look at me in that way.
What? Am I not allowed to say that?
I'm... Twice your age.
You know, I read this thing on my Twitter feed today, and it was talking
about age differences and relationships, and you know what it said?
No, what? That older women can benefit from dating younger men.
Oh, really? And how is that?
Well, besides obvious stamina, sex drive, we're also more optimistic.
So I'm not?
Not about relationships.
Well,
I've been divorced twice, so it's hard to believe in love when you've seen it
fail so many times.
Well, it doesn't mean it has to fail every time.
I mean, come on.
Don't you want to give it a shot?
Cody will be here at any time. What?
He's not here now, right?
But he could walk in the door.
Come on.
And it's really not appropriate for me to do this
with my son's friends. You're doing so much for everybody else.
Don't you want to feel good yourself?
Yeah, but Jake, you're half my age.
It doesn't matter.
It's just a number.
Hi.
I'm flattered. I really am very flattered, but this is wrong. It's not
wrong. You tell me it doesn't feel good. I just feel good,
but I just don't know.
Because I really, really hate if you walk through the door.
I do.
Oh my goodness.
But the cookies, they'll get...
Oh,
wow.
That's very aggressive.
I don't think you should go now. I don't think you should go now.
I don't think you should go now.
Mm-hmm.
See you in a minute.
This is...
It's incredible.
Are you okay?
Are you sick?
Mmm.
That's so good.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm
sorry.
Um...
Thank you.
Right there, right there.
I'm so hysterical.
Let's check out this one.
Right there.
Oh, my God. It's coming.
It's coming.
All right.
One, two, three, four.
Oh, my God.
You have outdone yourself.
What? It's not funny. We spoke about this.
No, we talked about not sabotaging. And in this instance, I didn't. I have a
hard time believing that. It's true.
I ran the algorithm and they're a perfect match.
It's about a 20-year age difference, but the system's never wrong, right?
So you knew there was a glitch and you did nothing?
According to you, the system knows best.
You ruined her life.
What are you talking about?
She called this morning, devastated, asking if Jamie really was her perfect
match. So I looked into the system, saw the error, and was floored to see that
you had done nothing, despite there being an obvious issue.
You told me not to.
She's lost her son over this.
He won't speak to her.
Her church parish kicked her out and she lost her job as a teacher. And to top it
all off, Jamie dumped her for a 22-year-old bartender.
How's that for your 80% success rate?
You don't get it!
This poor woman's life is ruined all so that you can prove a point.
She was going to file a lawsuit against Cupid Co. until I convinced her there
was a better option.
Yeah, what's that?
Fire you and give somebody else a case.
Congratulations.
You got everything that you ever wanted.
How does that feel?
I heard you got fired.
Yep.
Why do you look so depressed? I thought you'd be celebrating.
Well, they gave me Elaine's case, asked me to fix the gigantic mess you created.
Give it to me.
What? No, you got fired.
Come on, do me this one favor.
What do you want with it? So you can ruin her life even more than you already
did? Because I want to fix what I did wrong.
You? Yeah.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing. Why?
Because... This isn't like you. What is it?
Wanting to do something good for the sake of love.
Her file's on my nightstand.
Where are you going?
I've got a date.
With who?
This guy from work. I cheated.
What? I looked up our compatibility in the system and apparently we're a
perfect match.
Really? So I'm going in with high hopes.
Ashley, the matches, they don't work out.
80% of them do.
I'll take those odds.
Bye, Charlie.
I don't care that it was only two beers.
I was still within the legal limit. Jesus, Ashley. You could have been in an
accident. But I wasn't. I told you, you can call me. I will come and pick you
up. Why are you nagging me?
Because. Because what? You want to control me? Because I love you.
You love me?
Yes. And I didn't want to tell you this during an argument. And I'm sorry. And I
know that you're weird about love. And you don't have to say...
Soon.
Charlie had spent the last year trying to prove that he didn't want love or
that love didn't exist, and in the process, he'd hurt a lot of people,
including himself.
But it was time for him to change that.
After thoroughly reviewing a few algorithms, he realized that the best
possible match for Elaine was actually a pastor from a neighboring church.
He knew about Elaine's past with Jamie, and he loved her anyway.
But Elaine wasn't the only person Charlie wanted to make things right
with. He'd put his boss Hillary in a bad situation.
Someone who had worked tirelessly for years helping other people find true
love deserved to find it herself.
Here you go.
I can't believe how fast this year has gone.
It's almost Valentine's Day again.
Do you have anything special planned?
Other than drinking a bottle of wine and watching bad rom-coms? No.
You?
I actually have dinner reservations.
Oh, how lovely.
Who's the lucky girl?
Well, I thought it would be you.
Me? Every year I've come here and grabbed targets from you and I always
wanted to ask you what, but I never had courage to do so until now.
I... I don't think... That's okay, I understand.
No, I was gonna say... I don't think that was a question.
You said...
You were going to ask me out, but then you didn't actually ask me out. Hillary,
would you? Yes.
Unbeknownst to them, Hillary and Alan were actually perfect matches in the
Cupid Co. system and turned out to be part of the 80% success rate.
I can't even remember the last time I brought somebody back to my place.
Well, then I consider myself lucky.
I never thought we'd be doing this.
I like you.
Me too.
I like you.
I like you more.
Thank you.
I told you a flower delivery business wasn't for you. What are you talking
about? It's 1 o'clock. The day's not even halfway done and you're already
home. I had deliveries.
Wow. This guy never misses a beat.
Birthday, New Year's Eve plans, Valentine's Day.
Why do you sound so annoyed?
Well, when you have someone who remembers every little thing, it starts
feeling contrived. Does that sound horrible?
No, not really.
He just feels like he's just going through the motions.
I want somebody who does something because their heart's in it.
I left Kyle's bouquet in the car because, well, I hate that fucking
prick.
You got me flowers?
Look, I've been awful the last few years, and not just to the people at
work, but to you.
Well, you were awful when we dated. I wanted a chance.
What? Look, I know you're matched with someone else. But maybe we could be the
non-match that somehow... Still works out?
Yeah.
And... You know, when we were together, I was scared of everything.
But I'm not anymore.
And maybe it's too late to say this. It's not.
I love you.
Finally, you fucking figured that out. The moral to this story is whether
algorithms say you're a perfect match... or whether you don't seem like a match
at all, love will always find you when you're ready for it.
Happy Valentine's Day.
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