Original subtitles

[Rex VO] I wanted to paint the garage walls.

[Orna] Uh-huh.

Bright orange.

-[chuckles] -[Orna] Uh-huh.

At first, she was like, "The garage is all yours,

so you do what you want," and I'm like,

"All right, I'm gonna do purple and orange."

And then, it came up where, like,

"Oh, you know, if you paint the...

paint the walls orange, you know,

the resale value's gonna drop,

it's gonna affect that."

And I'm like, "All right, we'll go back to our original

decision, and...

get a neutral gray color."

She debates to the very end,

and I...get tired.

What do you think you need?

[Rex] I would want...

to just try it my way,

and if it fails horribly, then...

[clears throat] you know, at least we gave that a shot.

What if you found out that your way is fine?

Then, I guess...

my opinion does matter.

How 'bout that?

[Rex] Ehh, well...

so far, we...

never know.

♪cool theme music♪

♪upbeat funky music♪

However you wanna do it!

[Orna VO] Joey has all these great intentions,

but when it gets to real time, she dominates Rex,

kind of coming down hard on his wishes.

I need for Joey to...

let some of that orange/purple stuff out.

Yeah.

And for Rex, I'm trying to have him understand more of how

he's...

complicit in this.

Letting her win each round is not that costly,

at least in the short term for him.

Yeah.

-[Virginia] Yeah. -But it is; he's mad.

Passive-aggressive mad.

[Rex VO] We haven't really done our homework.

It's kinda turned into, like...

a game...

and not a fun game.

[Orna] Mm-hm.

Basically, every time I-- I initiate a kiss now,

she doesn't want...the kiss.

-I mean, I wanna kiss... -[Orna] Mm-hm.

I do; I wanna kiss, like, very passionately.

Do you kiss passionately?

We haven't had that kind of kiss for a very long time.

What's stopping you?

I don't think there's any kind of courtship happening anymore.

You know, I had told him, like,

"Oh, it'd be nice if...

you initiated...

some plans and things."

Mm-hm.

What's-- what do you think, Rex, in terms of what Joey is...

longing for?

I'm just questioning how that would even work...

-[chuckles] -[Orna] Mm-hm.

Given the history of it -- that...

I do something, and she'd be like,

"That thing is, like, so mundane;

that's, like, bottom of the barrel,"

-or-- -I don't do that anymore.

Not anymore!

So then why are you [chuckling] bringing that up again?

Because it happened in the past!

So, like, that would make me not wanna do it again!

Yeah, but that's, again, all the repressed stuff that--

Am I not supposed to dig that up right now?

No, no, it's great that you're digging that up.

Joey, are-- are you feeling remorseful about that?

[Joey] I am, and then-- but every time--

So you can-- but you can just say,

"You know what? I'm-- I'm really sorry."

Rather than get defensive about the past,

look forward.

It sounds to me like you're saying,

"I-- I would like to try, but I need you to respond

-differently." -[Rex] Right.

I would try harder if you'd be nicer.

"Nicer" meaning...?

I guess to not shoot down my efforts.

But when have I done that after we got married?

But wait, now you're going back.

Right, I feel like I've heard you,

and we addressed it...

-And-- -And I apologized, and I--

Right now, I'm saying this is for the future.

I'm saying I'm not initiating things because

this happened in the past.

If you shoot me down again,

you're not giving me the credit that I...

feel like I'm due.

How do you feel hearing this, Joey?

[chuckling] Like a threat.

[chuckles] I don't--

You feel you're being threatened?

Yes, because he's basically giving me a warning like,

"If I'm gonna do these things, like,

don't kick me down," and I'm like,

"Well, of course, [chuckling] I'm not gonna do that!

It's not like I'm waiting to kick you down!"

I have to say, I mean, it's interesting to me...

you know, because, in way -- and it happens here -- you--

you shoot Rex down...

when he's telling you what's bothering him,

what's holding him back,

and I can see that it's upsetting for you to hear that

-- from him, and probably from me, too.

Like, there's some way that you must feel very misunderstood.

I feel so blindsided, like he's been storing it up,

or can't wait to tell somebody, like,

oh, how...

mean I've been.

It's like, "Well, then tell me to my face, like,

-at the moment!" -But it's hard to

tell you things.

Right, but I feel like he's making me the villain.

I'm giving you suggestions on what could help me open up,

which could also potentially make me [voice wavering] softer!

Even just asking me, like, "Hey, like...

um, let's go out to dinner.

I chose a place."

Like, I feel like that's a very simple ask.

-There's no-- -But if I understand,

Rex is saying, well, if he choses a place and you shoot it

down...

But I haven't done that!

But Joey, there have been examples that you talked about

here in which you have...

shot Rex's ideas down!

There might be kind of a blindspot there on your part.

I wasn't trying to dig up the past.

I was just trying to get over that

so that I could start initiating....

[Orna] Mm-hm.

Something for her.

And-- and you're upset right now because you upset Joey?

Yeah, and that she took it the wrong way.

[Orna] Mm-hm.

Where are you, Joey?

-[sniffles] -[sighs]

I want us to...

like, think about how hard it was for us [voice cracking] to

get married and choose each other...

[sniffles]

And, you know, now we're together;

like, when we argue, like, we're not gonna get divorced,

we're not gonna separate, we've gotta work through this.

[inhales sharply]

I think, ultimately, we're just trying to protect ourselves,

and...

we talked a lot about having courage this week,

even in our faith.

It reinforced that idea that he also has the courage to...

you know, talk to me.

There's gonna be days we just...

are gonna be opposed to each other,

but, fine, if I shoot you down, then say something!

"Hey, you're shooting me down right now..."

[Orna] Mm-hm.

"I don't want you talking to me like that."

[Orna] Mm-hm.

Like, talk back to me! [chuckles]

What do you think about this request of you to,

indeed, be more courageous and...?

I feel that might open up a new level of...

-argument. -[Orna] Mm-hm.

Like, it would take us somewhere else

that we've never been to before.

Maybe that's what you need is an extractor.

♪upbeat indie rock♪

♪And I believe in innocence♪

♪And I believe in losing it♪

♪But I believe in keeping it too...♪

[Law shrieking]

♪And I believe in honesty♪

♪And even though it ain't coming to me♪

♪And even though it ain't coming from me either♪

♪But there is a world out there♪

♪There is a real live world out there♪

♪But deep down in here...♪

♪♪♪

[Elíana VO] I asked Mitch to move in with me.

His mom's house became a little...

in my opinion, dangerous.

Um...

his older brothers were fighting,

he got in the middle of it, he could've been severely hurt --

not in the middle of it like fighting with them;

he was trying to break them apart.

What's happening with your brothers?

Since we were kids, they just haven't really gotten along,

-and, um-- -[Orna] What is the issue?

There were times where, like, we were kids and, like,

my oldest brother, like, beat us up,

and sometimes it would be playful and sometimes it

wouldn't be.

And, um, essentially, you know, the middle brother,

like, once he got to a certain age,

he just, you know, stopped having it.

That day, I was like, "The next logical move and, like,

the safest thing is for you to, like,

live with us, so would you wanna live with us?"

Obviously, my concern is how it's affecting him and how,

like...

he's kind of...

I guess dealing with that.

Even this morning, we kind of got into a disagreement of,

like, scheduling...

-[Orna] Well-- -And--

[Orna] Lemme hear.

Yeah, so, like, I returned back to work;

I found a job, I returned back to work yesterday...

Found a new job.

Mitch had had his schedule for Tuesdays and Thursdays,

um, off...

and then...

he was like, "Oh, yeah, like, I changed my schedule at work,

I'll be off Tuesdays and Fridays."

And I'm like, "Why didn't you think to talk to me about it to

see how that impacts our family?

Like, and Law's schedule?"

And he's like, "Oh, well, like, I wanna hang out with my friends

and, you know, it's closer to the weekend."

And then, I'm like, "From the scope of, like...

fairness...

right?

What about me?

Do you think that I get to just go hang out with my friends for

a day?"

Wh-- what are your thoughts on this, Mitchell?

[Mitch] I chose Friday because it's a day where my friends hang

out in the city.

We're not hanging out all day;

this is something that's happening for a few hours.

This time is not affecting anybody.

After explaining that to her,

then she came in and spoke to me about this idea of her

wanting me to pick up Law early.

And it's just like, "Okay, well, I-- I can-- I can do that on

Tuesdays, and if-- if I finish up early or if we finish up

early on Fridays, I can do that on Friday!

I don't mind that!"

So you want Law picked up early, and Mitchell is saying...?

I guess, like, "Tough shit." But...

-[scoffs] -[chuckling] Like--

[Orna] Why "Tough shit?"

Because he's very adamant about wanting to hang out with his

-friends. -So not "Tough shit,"

he's saying "I wanna hang out with my friends."

-[Elíana] Yeah. -Mm-hm.

You get to do things and you get to, like...

live your fucking life when you get to go away on these trips

for work and you get to go explore a new fuckin' city!

You can't just sit here and, like...

you know, expect one person to do all the work and you get to

go live your fuckin' life!

Like, you decided to have a family!

[Orna] I wanna ask you something: I like the...

extra punch...

-that the cursing... -[Elíana] Sorry.

No! I don't mind cursing at all;

I have no problem with cursing.

But I actually think you're avoiding your real feelings when

you curse.

[laughs] Maybe.

[Orna] So I'm gonna invite you...

[laughs]

To not curse for the sake of figuring out what you're

-actually feeling. -[Elíana laughs]

I think every time you feel a feeling,

-you curse to cover it up. -Yeah.

[Orna] So...

when Mitchell makes plans -- every Friday,

he wants to hang out with his friends -- what does it bring up

for you?

He hasn't grown up.

Judgement, but what-- what's the feeling that then makes you

wanna judge?

-What does the feeling-- -I'm by myself in this!

[Orna] Loneliness.

Yeah?

[laughs]

[deep inhale]

[groans]

Yeah, loneliness, I guess.

You don't like being alone.

[Elíana] No, alone is fine with me if I'm-- if it's just me.

I don't have a problem with just me.

[Orna] Mm-hm.

I have a problem with...

just me and my son all the time.

Mm-hm, yeah.

Sometimes I feel like, because I'm talking to a toddler most of

my time, I do not know how to interact with adults.

I don't feel like I have any, like,

f-- anything fuckin' interesting to say to anybody.

[softly] No cursing.

[softly] Fuck you. [laughs]

So the actual main thing that's bothering you...

is being alone with Law and not having Mitchell

join the two of you.

Yeah, that we're not a priority.

[Orna] That is really important.

The way you're going about trying to solve your problem...

is by...

doing your best...

to push Mitchell away.

Okay.

So let's think about that.

Okay, Mitchell, I asked Elíana to kind of try to get to the

root feeling...

of what she's missing, and what did you hear her say?

She said that she felt lonely.

[Orna] Yeah.

Does that make sense to you?

[Mitch] It makes sense, and...

I feel bad.

[Orna] Bad?

Yeah, like, I feel bad that, you know,

-she's going through that... -[Orna] Mm-hm.

That she feels those things.

So it moves you.

[Mitch] Yeah, like, I've-- I've...

experienced genuine loneliness;

like, I know what it's like.

What are you referring to?

[Mitch] Just, like, as a-- as a kid.

When my parents had split,

my mom ended up staying with her sister.

Uh, it was me, my two older brothers,

my mom, and my aunt...

in her-- in my aunt's one-bedroom apartment.

Shoo...

So my oldest brother got the sofa,

and when it came time to swap, he never did,

so me and my other brother,

we just consistently slept on the floor.

And during this time,

whenever my mom and I had a difference of opinion,

she would always-- like, her go-to line was like,

"Go live with your father.

Go live with your father."

So it was one of those things where it was just like,

"Okay, well...

she doesn't really want and appreciate me here, right?

And that's okay."

So I felt loneliness.

-Like, I know what that's like. -[Orna] Yeah.

Loneliness, and it sounds like there's no room for you

-anywhere. -[Mitch] Yeah.

And during that time, like, I had video games.

I'm not sure if you're familiar with this,

but, like, I discovered YouTube at this point,

-so, like-- -Of course!

-[Mitch] I got into-- -[chuckles]

[Mitch] I got into-- no, not YouTube, per se,

but, like, anime.

-Mm-hm. -[Mitch] And...

Another place to go.

Yeah.

And, um, but when I was growing up,

watching anime was considered to be, like...

like, corny.

Like, you're a loser if you did this,

so it was one of those things that I sort of repressed.

But I found a friend group, uh, later on who was just, like,

very openly and accepting of these things,

and we all did the same stuff!

Me being with my friends for a few hours out of the week

literally brings me back-- makes me feel...

whole again, because that's-- that's a part of what I identify

as, like...

-my heart's home. -[Orna] Mm-hm.

I can't go home and-- and rely on there being peace at home.

I can't go home to her and rely on there being peace there.

But I can always go to my friends for those few hours out

of the week and rely on that always being consistent;

there is consistency there.

If I could do this one thing once every other week,

is it really that bad?

I get that, and I'm not mad at it.

I think that a part of me is just, like...

I'm trying to be that place --

like, I'm trying to make our family that thing that,

you know, maybe we both didn't have growing up.

I'm not saying to take those things away from you fully,

but I'm saying, like,

we can create peaceful things together.

♪curious jazz music♪

[Orna VO] Airbnb is leaving New York,

so it's really threatened Alexes and Casimar's work.

♪pensive ethereal music♪

One of the things they had to do in response to that is actually

rent out their own home to get by.

Part of Casimar's childhood was spent literally in a

homeless shelter, so this is...

really taxing on him and on them.

But Casimar has been getting stronger.

-That seems very good! -[Orna] Yeah.

He's not the long-suffering loving partner but he's himself:

a patient.

As he's claiming more of his voice,

he's...

putting a lot of pressure on Alexes.

[Casimar VO] We had, like our regular work meeting...

I was ready to leave...

and he wanted to stay longer,

and then that time got pushed back,

and it got pushed back again...

and I was-- I was just frustrated.

Like, I need to be home!

I have to get up and teach in the morning!

So we got in the car almost at 11.

He huffs and puffs.

A car broke, like, really hard right in front of me,

so then I, of course, have to brake really hard.

So...

again with the huffing and puffing.

So I was just like, "I-- I can't do this!"

So I got out of the car, he comes into the driver's seat.

As I'm walking, he starts driving after me really slow.

I cross the street, he makes a U-turn.

I cross the street again, he makes another U-turn.

And now, we're just, like, screaming at each other and I'm

telling him, "I just want to go to sleep!"

We get upstairs and...

he's like, "Give me the key,"

'cause he wanted to leave back again to go outside.

And I said, "No."

So then, it becomes this whole ordeal.

He starts snatching stuff, he starts getting loud...

-Can we pause for a second? -[Casimar] Sure.

So what's goin' on?

Why-- why is this happening?

I have no idea.

Mm...

Do you have an idea?

I mean, he was not in control of his emotions,

and all energy is focused on, like, you know,

being a jerk!

We only have one set of keys for this apartment and, like,

I need to be able to go in and go to sleep.

Which apartment are we talking about?

Uh, the one we're in right now, his brother's apartment.

[Orna] But what's special about this fight?

It just sounds like two stubborn people.

I don't know if it was "special,"

but there's just no reality that, like,

I would be...

okay with not having...

access to my shelter.

[Orna] Mm-hm.

Especially when it's being taken away from me

by the person whose biggest trauma is homelessness!

[Orna] Mm-hm.

Like, because this is his brother's apartment,

you have a little bit of power and you use...

you use it against me?

Of course I'm gonna then flip out!

So what do you think is going on?

What-- what is underlying this?

There's multiple clues that he's already been...

planning this.

Planning "this" being...?

Like, that he's gonna stay in that apartment and that I have

to figure out what else to do.

As a way of...?

I guess, like, to break up; to, like, you know...

be there in peace.

And what do you think is going on on your end, Casimar?

So when, you know, I let the dark thoughts roam...

Mm-hm.

With all of the same actions that took place that night,

he's done them before,

but he's just done them in a place...

where his name was on the lease,

so it was okay.

It was okay to smoke a cigarette in my face,

it was okay to berate me and talk all of this crap about my

family, because your name was on the lease.

Now, all of a sudden, you have no power there.

[Alexes] What?!

That's not answering the question.

That's-- it is answering.

-Patience. -[Alexes] Mm.

I guess, Alexes, you've held financial power,

and that has created a certain kind of...

difficult dynamic that is hard to address between the

two of you.

And it sounds like you're saying, Casimar,

that you feel like...

Alexes having this financial power allowed him to speak

to you...

in ways that were humiliating to you,

or belittling to you.

Yeah, like, when we get into arguments,

it's either I'm put down and I just accept it,

or you're mad so now you wanna start talking all of this crap

about my family.

No!

It's not cool; it's not okay with me.

Okay.

Alexes, can you tolerate going into Casimar's experience?

Try to understand what he's...

protesting.

I can! I do understand!

[Orna] Let's spend some time there.

What are you hearing Casimar saying?

I'm hearing that it's hurtful and...

[Orna] The...

more-- the big picture.

What's hurtful?

Like...

things that are said when it's at...

its highest of escalation, you know,

um...

[Orna] And the kinds of things that are said...

-[Alexes] Mm-hm. -Are...?

[Alexes] Like, things that are, like...

towards his family, um...

Right, but let's put first of all the idea that there's a

financial imbalance,

and he's saying that he often has to somehow accommodate,

roll over...

feel small.

Mm-hm.

Do you wanna say more?

My brother inherited that apartment from my mom.

That was the apartment that we got into...

right after the shelter.

It just feels like...

okay, the last time I was here, the world was over,

and we rebuilt everything, like, as a family,

and I don't wanna go back to our regular home

if we're just going back to the same old fighting!

And I told him that!

What do you wanna see change?

I wanna see how we talk to one another change!

I wanna see how he expresses himself change to me!

Why are you saying no?

I just can't-- I just-- I don't-- I...

[sucks teeth]

You don't what?

[Alexes] I find that to be BS! I'm sorry!

Like...

I want what he wants too!

For myself, not for our relationship--

[Orna] But why are you saying no when he says what he wants?

Because he-- he doesn't acknowledge his self!

-[Orna] Oh. - His anger!

But it's okay for you to say "I want that too."

It doesn't mean you're not gonna put requests to Casimar.

What is the issue here?

I... [sucks teeth]

I apologize!

I just feel like...

the request is one-sided, you know?

But requests should be one-sided;

each side gets to make a request that is not dependent on

the other.

Mm.

Casimar is saying "I want you to talk to me differently."

I think these, like, shifting power dynamics between the two

of you are really important and are a sign of change.

[sighs]

And I think, right now...

it's Casimar's time to put pressure on you,

and I think that's good.

♪tender pensive music♪

So they are, in a certain way, unravelling.

[Virginia VO] Yeah.

[Orna VO] Casimar's progress is...

making it clear to Alexes what he's dealing with.

-In himself? -[Orna] In himself.

It's kind of forcing a certain clarity on the situation.

I think that Casimar is rehearsing what it would be like

if he weren't under this whole...

project that's been going on for all these years.

[Orna VO] Yeah.

[Virginia VO] Do you think that Alexes could do better?

Do you think that, when the temptation to dissociate comes

or wanting that drink or whatever,

there's a way that he could do something other than live the

rules of this trauma?

Do I think he can do it?

I don't know.

There are certain moments in...

in treatments where you bring the horse to the water and the

horse decides...

and I feel like we're getting to that moment with Alexes.

♪♪♪

[chatter and laughter]

♪♪♪