Original subtitles

Dr. Derek Polonsky is a psychiatrist teaching at Harvard Medical School. His

private practice specializes in couples therapy.

Dr. Marion Dunn is director of the Center for Human Sexuality at Downstate

Medical Center in New York and is in private practice.

In my sex therapy practice, I've seen that one of the most important

ingredients of a strong, lasting relationship is a full and exciting sex

life.

Sex can unite couples as few other aspects of life can.

Initially, sexual excitement may seem to strike like lightning.

Terms like chemistry, setting off sparks, describe that kind of rush.

However the sexual relationship begins, the way it continues over the years has

little to do with bolts from the blue.

Continuing excitement has a lot more to do with the quality of the relationship

and what you know or can learn about each other and about sex itself.

And it has even more to do with how you use what you know.

For example, excitement grows when couples do things that both partners

enjoy and fades when only one is satisfied.

If the other is simply going along, the chance for long-term pleasure decreases.

When sex includes the potential for choice and variety, both partners have a

better chance to suggest and enjoy what they like best.

And each encounter can be different from the one before.

That's important because endless repetition can take the excitement out

of anything.

While variety is more important to some couples than others, it's always helpful

to have enjoyable options available for when the time and the mood are right.

it seems as if sexual desire burns brightest and longest when both partners

get what they want from sex and when the couple is flexible enough to change

their sexual practices by adding a little creativity in other words

mutuality and flexibility are two important keys to long-term sexual

pleasure

In the deepest sense, mutuality and flexibility will reflect and strengthen

the positive emotional aspects of the relationship itself.

And sexually speaking, mutuality and flexibility are a lot more likely when

couples can talk comfortably and openly.

Recent surveys indicate that many couples, even those who've been in long

-term relationships, are uncomfortable talking with their partner about sexual

matters. All too often, Partners spend a lifetime misunderstanding the other's

feelings about sex.

Often it's a case of simple shyness, even with an intimate partner.

Or each may be afraid of hurting the other's feelings or seeming critical.

Unfortunately, feelings like these ruin good communication and make it difficult

for partners to learn how to please each other.

It's important to keep in mind that people can have exciting sex without

much emotional connection, but it is unlikely to be sustained.

One of the most frequent admissions couples make is that each partner does

not really know what the other likes or dislikes sexually.

The statement, I like everything, while accepting and not very demanding,

doesn't help much with learning what is pleasing for one's partner.

As an exercise, you might each take a little time on your own.

to think about what kinds of things excite you physically and also what

turns you off.

It can really be enlightening to talk with each other about what you come up

with. Often there are small, easily changed things that have a powerful

effect on comfort and attraction.

Sometimes it may simply be one partner having not bathed or having just smoked

a cigarette.

Unless it is verbalized, there's no opportunity for the partner to be aware

and to change his or her behavior.

Sex is complicated and at times a fragile activity that couples share.

Most couples experience ebbs and flows in the enjoyment and satisfaction of

their sexual relationship.

At times, things are wonderful, and yet at other times, things are awkward and

less satisfying.

As couples' lives become more complex with job pressures, children, financial

concerns, Their sex lives may be affected by these outside influences.

It's a huge relief if couples are able to talk about what might be bothering

them.

If one partner is anxious about work, doesn't say anything, and then is less

interested in sex, it might be misinterpreted and lead to needless self

-doubt. This video is designed in part to help couples talk easily and

comfortably about the sexual position shown.

Remember, the mutual comfort and pleasure of each partner is most

important. Beyond that, there are no absolute rights and wrongs in good

lovemaking. It can be fun to learn and try new options.

The more a couple explores, the better their chances of finding ways to

pleasure each other.

This video is designed to encourage communication and experimentation.

In the course of this video, we'll explore many different positions for

sexual intercourse.

and consider the advantages and opportunities each one offers.

Of course, romance and all the sex play that precedes intercourse are essential,

and for many women are the best part of lovemaking.

And although they're not explored in this particular presentation, we suggest

that you think about the kinds of foreplay that are most arousing to each

of you and might help you feel more ready to experiment.

As we present these positions, we'll think about the particular physical

stimulation each one could generate.

To sharpen understanding of these sensations, we'll begin with a brief

look at human sexual anatomy.

In particular, those parts of the body most sensitive to sexual stimulation

through intercourse.

Because the male sexual organs are external, Most men come to know their

own penises and testicles fairly well because female sexual anatomy is

internal and largely hidden. It's less easily explored and understood.

We recommend that if a couple hasn't already done so, they explore each

other's sexual organs as you'll see here.

The female genitals are called the vulva.

The vulva includes the clitoris, labia, and vaginal opening.

The clitoris is the only structure in human anatomy designed solely to provide

sexual pleasure.

It is located here, above the vaginal opening.

In some women, it is hidden from view, especially when unstimulated.

In others, it is clearly visible.

It includes a shaft, a glands or head, a hood covering the shaft and head,

and blood vessels which become engorged during excitation, a process similar to

male erection, although on a miniature scale.

Most important, the clitoris is filled with nerve endings that are highly

receptive to sexual stimulation.

For many women, the clitoris is the focal point of excitation and pleasure

clitoral sensitivity extends throughout the mons also called the

mound of venus which is the sensitive area just above the pubic bone

beneath these

inner lips which are called the labia minora pressure on the mons provides

indirect clitoral stimulation, as does the action of the penis rubbing against

the sensitive labia minora, or small lips.

This motion can tug at the clitoral hood, which is really an extension of

the labia minora.

The action of the labia minora and the clitoral hood stimulate the nerves in

the clitoris itself.

For many women, direct stimulation of the clitoris is too intense for

pleasure, and indirect stimulation is far more desirable.

The labia majora, or larger lips, surround the labia minora and the

vagina.

They are usually less sensitive than the smaller labia minora, but do provide

sexual stimulation for some women.

The vagina is a muscular canal and its walls lie against each other.

When the woman becomes sexually aroused, the walls of the outer third of the

vagina swell and become more sensitive to pleasurable sensations, thus allowing

them to grip the penis more tightly.

This tightness increases sensation for both the man and the woman.

A ring of muscles called the pubococcygeus surround the vaginal

canal. These muscles can be voluntarily contracted to increase sensation for

each partner.

Recent research has focused on reports of extreme sensitivity in an area of the

vagina which has been called the Grafenberg or G spot.

While some women report powerful sensations in this area, other perfectly

healthy women are unable to locate this spot within themselves.

or experience sexual stimulation there the existence and nature of the g-spot

remains controversial but a wide range of differences in vaginal sensitivity is

apparent many women with a little exploration find that there are other

areas of increased sensitivity along the walls of the vagina some positions

are considered well suited to contact between the penis and sensitive areas of

the vaginal canal.

And we'll take note of these positions throughout this video.

This part of the penis is called the glands.

It is richly supplied with nerves and very sensitive to direct pressure, as

well as pressure created when the skin of the shaft is moved.

Although the skin itself contains no nerves, the nerves below it respond to

pressing or moving, especially when the penis is erect.

The underside, or frenulum, is especially sensitive.

Many men consider the frenulum the most sensitive part of the penis For some

men deeper penetration particular angles of penetration or varied thrusting

patterns maximize pleasure The testicles are also highly

sensitive in some men although they must be touched and caressed with great care

the perineum The area between the genitals and the anus is sensitive

in men and women alike.

In this review, we focused on the male and female genitals and nearby areas

because we'll be referring to these points of sensitivity when we look at

positions for intercourse.

However, it's very important to note that all the skin on your body offers

potential for sexual stimulation.

Mouth, breasts, nipples, buttocks, thighs, toes, neck, ears.

If it has nerves, it can receive pleasure.

Each person's pattern of sensitivity is unique, and only practical experience

can teach you about your own.

Similarly, only your partner's words, sounds, and gestures can teach you about

his or her special places and about the kinds of touch that are particularly

pleasurable.

Bear that in mind as we explore the sexual positions you're about to see.

We'll note the types of contact each one provides, the control they allow each

partner, their potential for intensifying emotional intimacy, and

sometimes their special value to people with health and other concerns.

Some of these positions may appeal to you instantly.

Others may turn out to be right for you based on what you may already know about

your own preferences and those of your partner.

For example, if a certain type of clitoral stimulation is exciting, Be

especially alert to positions that maximize this type of contact.

If both of you prefer deeper penetration, give special attention to

positions that make it possible.

When thinking about positions you'd like to try for yourself, go with your first

instincts by all means.

But look out for additional clues identifying variations that might be

satisfying.

While this video may focus on a wide variety of sexual positions,

Patterns of thrusting can also lend variety and increase arousal in almost

any position.

Shallow thrusting teases sensitive areas around the vaginal opening and also

provides exquisite stimulation for the head of the penis.

The rhythm and pace of thrusting can be adjusted from a slow hypnotic pattern to

more rapid thrusting as a couple wishes.

By varying the speed of thrusting, Many men can last longer.

We'll start with the basic man on top position, best known as the missionary

position.

This is certainly the most frequently used position in our culture.

Like most conventional choices, it has the advantage of feeling right and

appropriate to a lot of people.

That's reassuring and helpful for many couples.

This is the basic missionary position.

It can provide strong stimulation of the clitoris, especially if the man rides

high, pressing his pubic bone against the upper portion of the vulva and the

mound of venous.

While both bodies remain close, the missionary position keeps the couple

face to face, enhancing feelings of intimacy.

The woman shares considerable control over the pace of intercourse, and gentle

upward thrusting is very effective.

This technique can result in greater arousal and better orgasms for some

women because of the steady clitoral stimulation It provides it allows the

woman greater freedom to use her hands to excite her partner and herself and to

guide his motion Some couples vary the position to tighten the vaginal fit by

bending her leg to open herself the woman allows more complete and intense

contact between the genital areas and encourages deeper penetration.

Perhaps most important, the man's free hand comes into play so that both

partners have ample opportunity to touch and caress each other.

By bending and bracing his leg, the man can also thrust more powerfully.

By planting her leg on the floor, she can gain leverage for powerful or gentle

thrusting.

The woman can also angle her body so that the most sensitive areas of her

vagina and vulva are in contact with the penis.

Both partners are able to look into each other's faces and enjoy the intense eye

contact that can add something very special to lovemaking.

This position also has advantages for those with physical limitations.

With the man's body angled back from hers, it becomes comfortable for

pregnant women and heavier individuals.

Couples can enter this position by rolling onto their sides or by beginning

intercourse this way.

Because neither partner supports his or her weight, effort and physical stress

are slight, making this position ideal for those with physical problems.

When both partners lean back to create a V, the position can become especially

comfortable for pregnant women.

Both partners have great freedom to use their hands to stimulate each other's

genitals or leaning away to fondle her breasts or his chest and upper body.

By clasping the other more tightly, each can gain leverage for thrusting.

This position gives both partners excellent control of tempo, angle and

force.

Because it's easy to maintain, this is an excellent way to enjoy prolonged

intercourse.

By spreading her legs in the basic missionary position, bending her knees

and placing both feet on the floor, the woman opens a range of exciting

possibilities.

The spread position of her legs allows deeper penetration.

Placing both feet on the floor provides strong leverage for thrusting.

It gives her a far greater role in adjusting pressure and speed.

In this position, she may want to hold his legs with hers, rubbing them with

her calves and thighs.

For even deeper penetration, the man moves onto his knees, and she brings her

knees to her chest.

The act of raising both legs can communicate the woman's desire for

penetration.

in a way that both partners find especially exciting.

She may keep her legs bent, press them against her sides, or extend them into

the air, giving her greater freedom to use both hands.

In these variations, the man will control the force and speed of the

intercourse, using hands and knees to produce a variety of thrusting patterns.

This position tilts the clitoris back and away from the penis.

Still, clitoral stimulation can occur indirectly as the action of the penis

pulls on the inner lips of the vulva and on the clitoral hood.

When the woman locks her legs around his waist, she gains powerful control of the

movement.

She can use that leverage to increase the force of each thrust, and she can

use it to guide the angle of penetration in genital contact.

This shared sense of control and the tightly entwined closeness of the two

bodies can spark a powerful feeling of union that complements deep penetration.