Original subtitles

♪ I've been doing this a long time ♪

♪ I've been in it for a long ride ♪

♪ I deserve it yes I have earned it ♪

♪ Nothing better now I'm walking in purpose ♪

We're here to have a good time. Let our freak flags fly!

Yes.

And enjoy these golden times of our life.

- Correct. - Right? Cheers to that!

Nice toast, cheers to that!

Golden time, baby.

Alright, on that note, I have to go do my radio show.

I would say, "If you keep doing it--"

Kelly.

So shut the fuck up.

- That was in confidence. - Do not talk to me like that.

That was in confidence, what I told you!

No! No! No! Stop!

- You do not need to tell her-- - Apologize!

...about my boyfriend!

I just said there's a cycle, there's a pattern.

- I didn't tell her anything. - Can we talk less loud?

I need to get a mocktail.

And in the meantime, shut the fuck up!

Oof!

Oh, yeah, like I'm gonna listen to you. Okay.

Why would she say that?

I have Kelly sharing things that I gave to her in confidence.

That's not to be shared with Luann until I feel

I want to share it with her,

so I can deliver it the way I want to deliver it.

So listen, you and Kelly,

I don't even know what happened there.

What the hell?

When you got up and you were very upset...

Yes.

I was waiting for Kelly to say, "You know Sonja loves Luann,

nothing can come between them, not even a guy!"

She wasn't standing up for me.

- Well, because... - At all.

...she was upset for me.

Yeah, but she doesn't give a shit about me,

so I'm done with her.

It just broke my trust, and I'm like, you know, wow.

Sucking up to Luann.

We shall see, 'cause I have been enjoying my times with Kelly.

That just really hurt me.

You know, my stomach is so upset.

I know.

I'm most upset about Kelly talking to Lu.

Well, I'm upset about you using the F-word, don't do that.

You're Lady Morgan.

Let's talk when we're not here.

- Hold on. - I need time to calm down.

No, no, you can have all the time you want,

I don't care if you get mad at me,

do not swear.

Don't tell me what to do!

I am telling you what to do.

I'm gonna act the way I want to act.

This was so good, we were doing so well.

How about an apology from you for sharing my business

with Luann.

You were fanning the fire!

I'd like to say goodbye.

I don't want her to know about the boyfriend.

We'll figure it out. We will talk together,

and I want to hear--

If I share something with you, you don't go and put it

in Luann's ear.

It didn't need to be said, we already had resolution!

You know what? That must be very difficult for you to hear.

Yeah, because I don't need you talking about me to Luann.

I just said, if that bothered you...

Yes.

- ...then I apologize for that. - Okay, thank you.

But I don't like your response.

- And by the way... - Sorry I sweared at you,

but you were talking about my business to Luann

when we just made up.

- We just discussed that. - You were fanning it.

And I... I was not fanning it, but I'm telling you that I--

Fanning the fire!

- When you fan it, it fuels. - Okay.

I am definitely not here to add fuel to fire.

I am here for rosé. All day. And salad.

Let's just both digest--

I care about you, and I'm proud of you.

I know that!

- That's the reality. - That, I know.

Okay. Thank you.

Bye!

Bye, have a good one.

Oh, my God, she's crazy.

- We got a lot of work to do. - We got shit to do.

Okay, so the cabaret bag packing,

we're pretty much all set.

- Ooh! - Oh God.

I just have to ask about...

We're thinking what? This for meet and greet?

- Max, get ready for the show. - Okay.

This is what we do every time we go for a show.

Okay, let me help you.

Since the OG cast stopped filming,

I've gone on to do many things.

But where I really am thriving is in my cabaret career.

I love it because I get to be travelling and making money,

and I love... I love my fans.

What I'm gonna walk out on to stage with, is the thing.

We've got long coochie and short coochie.

- Short coochie. - Okay.

So, I've had four shows in Florida,

and the last up being Fort Lauderdale.

And I'm really looking forward to having the girls at my show!

I want you guys to come to the show.

- What day is it? - Of course!

It's next, uh, Friday.

I want Dee to be my moderator,

'cause I have a moderator on the show.

A hundred percent.

Would you do that? It'd be so much fun!

I have to fly to New York 'cause I'm doing a promo

for Rock and so is Sonja.

We're doing it with Bethenny.

- No. You and Sonja? - Uh-huh.

Really? You're gonna miss my show

to go make some cash, I get that.

Sure, I get that. Um, but with Bethenny?

Of all people! Really?

I'm-I'm good with that.

So where's the mugshot t-shirt?

We're just about to get them.

You don't have them?

No, we have. We're getting that in one sec...

Um, social promo...

...for the merch.

There's the merch! Look at that.

I'm the manifester!

When I started cabaret,

I started what I thought was what people wanted to see.

Which is Carol Burnett mixed up with Cher, meets, I don't know,

Saturday Night Live 'cause, you know,

my show is about pop culture,

comedy and a fashion show.

'Cause you know I'll be wearing Jovani.

Let's bring these out.

So this is your bestselling merchandise item.

I know.

Don't rip it too much.

I can't.

I can't believe this is the best-selling t-shirt.

I'll never forget when I got wrongfully arrested

10 years ago at The Colony,

which is the craziest night of my life.

But the officer that arrested me was making false arrests

on good people, and actually ended up going to jail himself.

There's only one way to go

when you fall on to your knees like that, right?

It's to get back up.

I say that cabaret saved my life,

because it did in so many ways.

I have a place to be creative and tell my story.

You kind of are serving in it.

- Serving cunt. - Serving cunt-ess.

Serving cunt-ess?

Let's just do everything that's evergreen,

'cause with Dorinda, we need to push just to the finish line.

- Okay. - Yeah.

We meet Dorinda...

We'll talk about what we're doing here,

we're together again, the OGs are back.

- The OGs are back. - Perfect.

That's it. That's--

Alright, well, I gotta get down to Dorinda's.

We're good. I'll take it from here.

Great. Alright.

You know, I really want Dorinda to be my moderator,

because who better than Dorinda, right?

She's a serious radio host now,

and, uh, she's got the gift of gab.

D? Hey, D.

I've got flashcards, it'll be super easy for her.

Do you want champagne?

Sure.

Let's do it! I like that.

But I still have to walk her through the whole night.

Alright, so...

What I did was put together a show

called the Lu-Niverse show.

Right? So that I don't have to travel with the band.

Want me to... Would you like me to do that?

I can do it.

So, anyway. I come out to Chic, alright, I come out,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the Countess speaking."

Then I'd come out on stage and say,

"Hey, I'm happy to be here in Fort Lauderdale."

In this case, we're in Fort Lauderdale.

And then, we go into, um...

"I have a really extra special guest tonight

who's here to make it nice."

- Okay. - You like that?

I like it.

I could say whatever you want me to say.

And, for you and I, we've got the gift to gab.

- Yeah, exactly. - Don't we?

Yeah. And we're good together.

You know, we're gonna talk about...

"The pirate, and who really slept with the pirate?"

Yes.

You know what? It's like, like...

It's fun.

- We play it by ear. - Yeah.

And fun! But there's also structure, you know?

Of course.

I don't do a show which doesn't have structure.

We can go off, but then I was thinking of also maybe

the girl code, because you're in that.

Nobody can see the girl code video

unless you come to my cabaret show.

Cabaret show, cabaret show, cabaret show.

- Sorry, that's my reminder. - Anyway, D, so...

No.

Yeah, hold on.

So anyway, I think--

Call me in two, call me in two minutes, and then I'll hop on.

I mean, I'm trying to make it nice,

and I'm trying to be attentive,

but I don't need to go through stuff.

I mean... I know what... I got this.

I got this.

I really have to get on this line.

So I'm gonna leave, you do your call.

I'm taking more of this, and I'll see you later.

I'm sure she'll knock it out of the park,

but it's work, it's a job. It's a show.

She's basically ignoring me.

Like, what's that all about?

- Love you, D. - Bye-bye.

It's super simple.

I really want this show to go off without a hitch.

Did you like Bethenny and Carole more than me?

Do you see how hurt I am?

You sadly live in the past.

Fuck you. Bye.

- Who's the moderator? - You're the moderator.

You're the moderator.

I have to do all of this stuff?

I thought it was just doing the highlights in yellow?

You didn't give her all of this information?

No.

- Another beautiful day. - I know, right?

Ever think you'd be picking me up at my apartment?

No, 'cause usually you're too far me, I'm too far from you.

I mean...

Let's just stay here, this looks perfect.

Dorinda and I get along so well.

We became friends literally 25 years ago at Sacred Heart,

where our daughters both went to school.

- Hi, good morning! - Hello ladies! How we doin'?

Good.

You starting off with some sparking, still, regular water?

Sparkling would be great for me.

Sparkling would be good.

I'm gonna try the Maine...

Lobster and crab roll!

Great minds think alike!

- So two orders? - Yes.

Thank you so much.

This is a very special two months.

We're all close, but we really haven't been together a lot,

the last couple of years.

I'm not in this routine here yet, um...

You need a break.

I miss New York a little.

You know what I mean? I miss seeing Greg and, you know,

I miss going to Maxime's,

I miss, you know, I don't have a routine.

I'm not used to not having a routine.

I'm even missing the six o'clock walk

where I see that big, beautiful rat,

move around in the trash bag to the right.

I'm missing it.

As much as I'm around all these people, I just feel lonely.

I just think I need to connect a little bit.

I'll help you find yourself in a better way, how about that?

I knew you would understand.

No, I do, I get it.

- And not be critical of it. - No.

Who would've thunk I would be this sentimental person,

'cause, you know, I'm tough, I'm not like...

No, because for years, you've lived in two places,

New York and Blue Stone Manor, and that's it.

I have my heart and eyes open.

Breathing in, breathing out.

And I'm learning to slow it down.

Thank you. That looks so delicious, wow.

Now, let me talk about one other thing. Sonja.

I think the people she really only cares to be with

in the group is you and Luann.

I-I don't know.

You know, Sonja's never been overly communicative

with me anyway. She's just, I don't think she's that type.

Like, when I text you, you text me right back.

Right.

'Cause you know how she, right now, is very, like...

I think also when she's with a group of large people,

she kind of gets on edge.

- Right? - She's better one-on-one.

I don't think she likes me.

Maybe just seeing her one-on-one is the smart move to make.

Yeah. That's what I think I'm gonna do.

We're a crazy crew.

We're so close.

The only thing we haven't done is sleep together, thank God.

Right?

But we don't know about Sonja and Luann, they might have.

Oh, I can't serve these.

Mold.

I've actually come full circle to where I was

before I married Morgan.

I'm back in a, you know, condo.

I'm an empty nester.

I'm down to a two bedroom.

I had to get rid of a bunch of lamps and some Lucite cases,

and a little extra artwork.

I had to kind of get rid of a bunch.

But I'm feeling lighter.

Sometimes I haven't left my place for 10 days.

There's no place I'd rather be.

Hello?

Hello!

Oh, my God, this is such a cute apartment!

It's so me, right?

Hello, darling.

- Hello. - Hello.

It's very cozy and super cute in here.

Well, I've been spending time with Kelly,

and she does have a lot of experience

when it comes to interiors.

That's what I need in my apartment.

I wanna make sure it flows well.

Just because Sonja lashed out at me doesn't mean

I'm not gonna come over to her apartment.

She wants me there.

Kelly is like built-in feng shui.

Oh, after you.

No. Do you wanna hear the good news?

Yeah.

The good news is this house is amazing.

This is your hangout area, you just need like,

a better rug.

And then these are really, really gorgeous pillows.

Yeah, those are $2,700 a yard.

I know, but you can't have those there. It's just too much.

I kinda think that downscaling from the town house

is something that she's embarrassed of.

But what she doesn't realize,

is that everyone else in Palm Beach

has done the exact same thing.

That's gonna go back there.

I'm gonna have a pullout for guests, for interns.

Yeah.

Andrew Warner's arriving any minute,

'cause he's gonna shoot the behind the scenes.

Oh! You know all about the magazine shoot, right?

What is it?

It's a big, glossy magazine--

- Called what? - Beauty Affair.

I texted the whole group.

You weren't on it, I don't know how I didn't put you on it.

Dear Dorinda, Ramona and Luann.

I have an all-cast cover shoot

for a glossy, high quality magazine.

This photoshoot is an opportunity

to promote our friend group, our brands.

It's a no-brainer.

I want everyone to be on time,

because Ramona and I have to skedaddle out of here

to shoot a skincare campaign.

Oh, my God!

That's amazing.

And it's Bethenny's campaign.

She's just an awful human.

She's an awful person.

Every time I pull up to Instagram or wherever,

she's right there.

Because she pays for it.

She works for it.

Whoa! I just touched a hot potato here.

I forgot how incensed Kelly gets when you mention the word...

Bethenny.

You know what really bothered me

about you standing up and screaming,

is it kind of reminded me of Scary Island and what's--

Oh, no.

Hold on, and what, no, no. No, oh yes.

You thought that I was gonna turn into the bad girl.

Yeah, I didn't want you to.

That's you. That's your trauma.

Just like on Scary Island,

Bethenny Frankel thought it was okay to yell at me.

She does not have the liberty to talk to me like that.

Line in the sand, don't do it again.

So, you sit there, and I'll be the patient.

Oh!

- Okay. - Hello, darling.

By the way, how about our lunch?

You're sitting next to Luann, helping Luann, not me,

'cause you go to Luann...

And she's doing it with her boyfriend,

right now!

I was like...

I just spent four days with this bitch.

Ah! Can one person stand up for me?

Oh, I needed to dust that. Whoop, whoop!

Come here, skinny girl.

- Oh, God. - Tiny hiney.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I feel so much better.

Do you?

I'm not gonna say SU, FU again.

Don't do that, I don't like that.

I'm not gonna do it anymore.

I really care about Sonja.

I also recognize that she's a Sagittarius,

I'm a Taurus.

We're kind of like...

I'm just so glad that Kelly came over.

I'm in my safe space, my own home.

We blew off some steam, and we're moving on.

We're doing really well.

I just need to eat, sleep, get laid,

enjoy what my purpose on Earth is.

My guy has started to say to me,

"Can we just make love? I'm so tired, my back hurts."

I'm like, "No. We have to continue fucking."

None of this, oh, sideways making love...

I love you...

I'm like, "No! Get on top and do it!"

That's not making love.

That is like, a hump. Like, no.

Imagine if someone tried to scissor Luann?

She'd be like, "What the fuck is this shit?"

Luann would be like, "What?"

The only thing that I like to use with a scissor

is to open up my vitamins.

I do know.

Maybe I don't really exactly know, but...

Okay, I really don't know that well.

I am not like, "Hey, let's talk about sex,

on a Tuesday," but you know what? It's fine.

- Hi! - Welcome!

How are you?

So good to see you!

Let me ask you something, how do you say this place?

"Beauty Ambassa... Ambassada?"

Beauty Ambassade.

I keep saying to everyone, "You have to go to Beauty..."

I know.

I'm gonna meet Sonja at the spa this afternoon.

I think Sonja really is a loner.

Most I see Sonja is if I read it in the paper.

You know what I mean? That's about it.

I think I'm getting the scalp massage.

And I think Sonja... What is Sonja getting?

The facial?

I think you're both scheduled for a scalp massage.

That's perfect.

Really hoping that we can just have her and I,

some time to just connect and catch up.

Is there a better place to do it than at a spa?

How far out is Sonja?

I think I should start.

Yeah, she can always join you.

So we're gonna have you set up here for today.

You know, when people are not on time and come in late,

it sort of makes you feel like

you almost don't want them there anymore.

We're gonna do a scalp treatment.

Yes.

- Mask, conditioner... - Is Dorinda here?

- She is! - She gave up waiting for you.

Oh, God!

It's a little acidic...

Let's see if it's in session.

...very bad for your follicles.

What's in session? Sonja's in session.

I think I hear Sonja.

We're doing it together!

- Do-- - Oh, my God.

...rinda!

What is it with people late?

I know, and I know you're always on time.

You know, I'm apprehensive,

'cause I'm late, and you just never know which Dorinda

you're gonna get on the other side of that door.

By the way, I brought you a palm.

- You brought me a palm? - Yeah.

- I missed Good Friday. - In a cross form.

Whenever Dorinda is sweet with me,

I know she has a bee in her bonnet,

and she's about to take that hat off and I'm going down.

Well I, I wanna say something that I was thinking about.

I don't feel like you feel like you are close to me.

I know you're a solid person, and no matter what happens,

if you need Dorinda, she will be there.

And you do your research when you show up.

Oh, I do my research on everything.

- To help us. - Yeah.

I love when you don't know something.

Like that Michael is married. You know that, right?

Michael's not still married.

Yes, he is.

Luann met Michael with his wife, who's a big fan of Luann's.

Okay, stop, Sonja.

He's married.

No... Sonja.

He's not divorced.

Stop!

I love when you don't know something.

Like that Michael is married.

You know that, right?

Michael's not still married.

Yes, he is.

He's not divorced.

You're 100% sure of that?

'Cause I'll research. You know I'll get my people on it.

I don't think he's married.

Stop, stop, stop.

Did you sign NDAs?

I don't have sex with somebody unless I have an NDA now.

I'm very confused and slightly unnerved about Sonja's behavior.

I mean, this is not relaxing.

Now, were you were upset with me and you texted me,

"My show is supposed to be no videos, no cameras," right?

Oh, that was terrible. That was terrible.

Now, I don't allow photos.

I cried when I got that video.

That you were unfuckable?

It just was mean.

I don't say anything mean about you ever, Sonja.

Don't say anything.

I just said you're unfuckable because I was drinking,

and everyone on the show knows that you're not horny,

jumping on guys left and right like Luann or Ramona!

It doesn't make me unfuckable, it's very different.

That's a big jump from unfuckable.

- Well, it's a comedy show! - And you know it.

You can't say that, at my private show,

I can't say you're unfuckable

when you said those things about me.

I'm upset about the things she said about me on TV,

but I didn't make that comment about her at my show

with 600 people because I was making a dig,

it was just a joke.

And you know, when you're a comedian,

you have to give me creative license.

I said unfuckable, 'cause if you want to date Dorinda

or take her home, you can't get there.

You're barking up the wrong tree with her.

Unfuckable.

You said I was fucking around in St. Tropez on my husband!

- And you were. - I was not.

My husband, as you know, had a car accident,

was in a coma.

Ancient history, I can't do this...

I think Sonja worries about getting found out all the time.

So if you try to even go down a narrative with her,

she just switches it to the right,

and if you go on the right,

she then switches it to the left.

It's trying to do Whack-a-Mole, and you can't keep up.

I never said anything about Richard.

I don't wanna talk about Richard.

You talk about Richard all the time.

You sadly live in the past.

That's hilarious,

because if anyone is living in the past,

it's Dorinda.

She brings up her husband in the first half hour

anytime you see her.

Guess what? I'm still upset. My husband just died.

I beg of you... Your husband.

God. I beg of you, move on.

I wouldn't be divorced if he didn't have a car accident.

Babe, he has a widow...

I lost him to a windshield.

And I feel terrible for her.

I had to teach him to walk, to eat and to speak.

Sonja's ex-husband passed.

They were divorced, and he has been married to someone else

for years and years and years.

There is a widow out there and her name is Mrs. Morgan.

I'm living in the present, and I'm trying very hard--

You can't say that I said anything bad about you.

I beg you, you need to be here with us.

What about the money that you took

from me and my daughter in the Berkshires?

I didn't get paid for that.

You didn't care that it was there.

Did you like Bethenny and Carole more than me?

Do you see how hurt I am?

In order to move forward with Dorinda,

I have to go back to the past.

I have snot coming out of my nose, crying to you

about how I needed to film to have money for my daughter.

I told you, I didn't get... I didn't get child support.

I didn't get divorce alimony,

and you didn't care!

You didn't care if I was not filming and didn't get paid.

It doesn't take a genius to understand

I would be upset with Dorinda when she doesn't invite me

to her home in the Berkshires while we're filming

our TV show in New York.

I honestly don't even remember.

I have no desire to talk about things 10 years ago.

All I know is, I don't care to remember.

This is my job. It's how I support my daughter

since her dad's car accident.

And I said I'm sorry a million times.

There's no excuse for cutting out a cast mate.

You did take money from my daughter's mouth

when you didn't let me film.

Again, ancient history.

We never talked about it because you were so upset about Richard.

I didn't want to bring it up!

Okay, uh, at least I said what I wanted to say to you,

maybe you'll think about it.

Again, you sadly live in the past.

I'm so sorry for you.

I gotta go do my radio show.

How do we really feel about each other?

- I love you. - Do you care about...

I love you too, you idiot!

You're a fucking idiot, okay? I love you too.

- Fuck you, bye. - Take care.

How was your treatment?

It was great.

Isn't love grand?

I wish she could just get some help.

I just don't feel like doing this today,

and I don't know if I want to go to the photoshoot tomorrow.

It's just the same old thing over and over again,

and you know it's just not gonna get anywhere.

We're just gonna keep circling the drain,

and circling the drain.

- Hi, good morning. - Hi, Kelly! How are you?

- How are you? - I'm Lindsay.

Nice to see you, thank you so much.

Do you need help?

Hi, I'm Kelly.

This is Catherine, our photographer.

Hello! I'm trying to get my last minute icing in.

So, vision-wise, you'd like to be bronzy and glowy?

- Yes. - Okay.

I love that I'm the first person here.

Oh! There she is!

Good morning!

So I should... do I start with hair?

Yeah, hair.

I don't feel performative, I don't feel joyful today.

I just feel like I need a minute to regroup.

I really don't want to do this right now.

But, I just don't want to disappoint people.

I love that you and I are, like, the early birds!

We come and show up.

Kelly, you knew it was only gonna be you and I

at the... here, in the beginning.

We're gonna get you set up.

Alright, I'm gonna bring over all the ladies' garment bags.

What time is Sonja coming? Is she coming or no?

I don't know.

- Good morning, Sonja! - Hi!

I'm waiting to see if this girl can actually do makeup.

I can!

Seeing Dorinda at the spa, I'm tapped out,

and I just can't take any more chaos.

I can't take any more drama.

I'm just gonna show up hair makeup ready,

do my part, and get out of there.

Hi, what's going on?

Hi.

What time do you need me there?

I'd like everybody ready by 9:30.

Uh, Ramona and I have to leave to our flight.

I know you already tattooed that on your brain, but...

Yes.

This is a huge, huge,

paid campaign for a French skincare line.

We cannot miss our flight to New York.

Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, no worries.

I'm sitting around anyway. Can you sit in this one, doll?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Thanks, babe.

- Oh, hi, hi. - You look gorgeous!

- Without the makeup! - Au naturel, no makeup.

Nice to meet you, I'm Lindsey.

- So, it's your magazine? - Yeah!

- Oh, nice. - Thank you.

Whose genius idea was it to put us on the cover?

Sonja.

I look like a raccoon, baby!

I called Sonja and I said,

"Let's do a glow-up to Golden Life."

Glow-up or blow-up?

A glow-up!

I don't know!

It could go either way, you know?

You have everything you need?

Blue bags, matching luggage, medicines?

Oh, my medicine!

Good morning, everyone!

- Lindsey! Lindsey! - Yes, yes.

Concentrate.

What am I wearing?

I'm wearing a silver dress. What's the first shoot?

First shot is Palm Beach daytime.

Wait, where's the stylist?

Why are you getting your hair done?

You're not in the photoshoot.

Hello! Why are you getting your hair done?

You're aren't in the photoshoot.

Well, she needs to get her hairdo,

we have a shoot to do.

Oh, yeah, no, we can go.

Do you have a preference on...

You have a job to do!

Okay, seriously, you're not gonna get glam.

You're supposed to help us get ready.

I gotta... You gotta be kidding me!

Who is this person? And why is she getting glam?

Do I know you?

Did I invite you tonight?

This is about all my close girlfriends.

I never have gone out with you, I don't even know you.

We're filming.

Okay, so just don't interrupt.

Bye!

I realized later, I knew her.

Because she was the girl that came to the store!

Luann, she needs to see what you're wearing for a day dress.

Oh, I was thinking I was wearing the white dress.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, 'cause they just like to have fun with you,

they don't actually do the work you need help with.

But that's okay, they're nice guys.

What are you talking about?

'Cause you always show up late for everything,

'cause Roger's out playing with you.

I'm on time. What are you talking about?

It's a miracle I'm here.

I came back so I could be here for this shoot, don't forget.

I had three hours of sleep, so don't fuck with me, okay?

It's a miracle I'm here.

I came back so I could be here for the shoot.

- You know what... - Don't forget.

Oh, that's good, you're right.

I had three hours of sleep, so don't fuck with me, okay?

How's that?

I'm playing with you. It's called playing.

Okay.

I don't do effing, I just play.

Oh, well, you... only when you don't have a headache.

I had a show the night before and I have a show tonight,

but I show up for my friends.

I'm not that familiar with Beauty Fair magazine,

but here we go.

And you'll be glad to know I found a dress.

Yay!

It's very Pride looking, I like it, it's very Pride.

Yeah, it's very pretty.

Hello, darling!

- Hi! - Long time no see.

So, I can see you have everything under control...

Oh, boy!

Alright, so let's not talk about it.

I'm hoping with Dorinda and Sonja,

when we're doing this major shoot,

that they'll keep their distance and be polite to each other.

No altercations will happen. Praying!

You had a show last night, right?

Yeah, I did have a show last night.

And you got up this morning to be here?

Yeah, I was driving at one o'clock in the morning.

But, anyway, I'm happy to be here.

I'm gonna bring you back to hair and makeup,

so we can bang that out.

Right.

Ramona!

Oh, you look so gorgeous in that dress!

It's your dress!

Can you take a picture of us?

Do you know who that is, by the way?

That's Linda DeRosa, the one you know.

I know. She's a star.

Did you recognize her?

- Of course I did. - Okay good.

But when I came in, she was getting her hair done.

I go, "Why are you getting your hair done?"

Right. She's a stylist.

That's her favorite dress!

Yeah, it's hot.

Phone right over here.

- Where's Gill? - The professional photographer.

Wait, one more.

For the gold thong.

We didn't say you could be in our photo.

No, I don't want you in it.

I'll do a photo with you later.

Ramona Singer!

She doesn't work with us, her colors are off too.

Alright, ladies, I'm gonna bring you up to the veranda.

Now, she's trying to jump into a photo, just acting like fan.

That's really taking it a little too far, Ramona.

It's like, come on! Know your place.

Let the girl have a photo with yours truly.

Sharelle, is she mushing my hair down?

No, it's fine, you're good.

- I want it up. - You're zhuzhed, not mushed.

It's zhuzhed not mushed? Okay.

I'm not gonna let Sonja aggravate me

and get under my skin.

I just try to really speak to myself, and say,

"Don't react. Don't interact."

I can't believe this, I'm the one who said

I want this done, and I'm the worst.

Well, they have to get flights, so we gotta get this thing shot.

It's the best we can do, right?

- It is the best we can do. - You look stunning.

You guys look amazing. For one, we're gonna breathe.

Yes, perfect!

We got this, baby. We got this. Alright.

Looking at all of us in these beautiful dresses...

I can't even believe how far we've come, the five of us.

Okay, next...

It's really iconic to be standing here, it really is!

I mean, we can't miss our flight.

It's a multimillion-dollar campaign.

Sonja, be quiet, look at the camera.

Is this the cover?

I spent the whole night in the car to be here,

and I'm so stressed out.

Can we do this shoot?

You're giving me anxiety.

Yeah. Right.

Dorinda and I are doing a show together,

you're not gonna be here.

I'm the one here who has been overworked, right?

So it's time to focus! I mean, I know you gotta go to New York,

but let's get the shoot done before you run out the door.

One, two, three... Hold it.

And relax.

Guys, let's your chalet look, Linda, we're ready?

I just want to get through this photoshoot

without the drama.

Alright, let's do the laugh,

everyone look, laugh, love, have fun.

We're about to have some champagne and go skiing.

Okay, good.

But with these girls, you just never know what's gonna happen.

Clearly!

No, that's actually--

- Oh, is it a new look? - Sonja--

Sonja, let's go! Let's go!

What happened to Ramona?

Ramona doesn't care. She's like...

One, two, three, smile.

Bye, Ramona.

Bye, love you guys.

We really have known each other for a very, very long time,

and Sonja is notorious for dilly-dallying

and showing up late and missing planes.

I'm not missing my flight, and I'm leaving now.

Everything I envisioned at the end of the shoot came true.

Congratulations!

That's a wrap!

We all are together on that cover looking great,

so beautiful.

Hi, I'll see if this person is available.

That's not even Ramona's voice!

Ramona, remember me?

I mean, now Ramona's leaving me in the dust.

She wants to get out of here, get to the lounge,

and see the hot guys.

Well, so do I, Ramona!

And I think she took the outfit with her.

You took our car, you took the stylist's clothes...

We're gonna see you in three hours.

I'll see you tonight.

If we're doing this multimillion-dollar

campaign together, we need to get along.

This isn't a good start.

Bye!

Guys, can you believe it? It's the last show.

Thank God! I mean, um, it's bittersweet.

It is bittersweet.

But I'm ready to stay in one place for more than a week.

Yeah, me too.

Eight... It's been eight years.

2018 since I've been doing cabaret.

Do you have cards ready for Dorinda

so she's like, organized?

'Cause D is very organized.

Yeah, she has them printed, but I have the physical,

actual ones for stage.

It's bittersweet that it's coming to an end.

This last show has to be perfect.

Look at us, like, the Three Stooges we are.

So, this is what's gonna happen.

We make a big to-do about Dorinda coming out,

I'll let you ladies take it from here,

I dip out, you sit down,

and then she will kick off with "Meet Luann."

I think that's--

And she's always, always here to make it nice.

I just can't believe that Luann had a show last night,

and now she's gonna have another show.

Where does she get this energy? I do not know.

I thought I had a lot of energy. I-I'm like destroyed.

I do not know.

Like, I found it hard to even just go tonight

to tell you the truth.

If it weren't for Luann, I would have cancelled.

I mean, I'm just, I'm not even in a great mindset to...

do this cabaret night.

I, I need a connection. This all seems so performative.

But, the right to do, and I always do the right thing,

is to show up, and so, here we go.

- Showtime, boys. Let's go. - Let's go.

Good to see you.

So, you wanna run through sound check now?

Yes.

You know, my nerves start backstage.

I'm the type of girl...

I don't have a mic that works.

All the prep that goes into the show,

it's really important that I stay on script.

It's a great show, what I do, and so I want it to be perfect.

So, Alex, let's start with hair.

- Hello! - How are you?

I didn't read my lines.

You'll be fine. Do you want me to take your bag?

- You look so nice. - Wow!

Definitely, definitely. Smoky, let's go smoky.

- I'll get this for you. - I'm just a friend.

No, you're gonna have a blast,

you're gonna be with a lot of her good friends.

Of course I'm excited for the show,

but I am totally the third-wheel.

I really wish that Sonja and Ramona were here.

Yay!

Hi, we're here in New York, here we go!

And usually, you're the one to make sure

I'm at the right place at the right time.

I am the world's best cheerleader.

I should just walk around with pompoms everywhere!

The mic fell in the toilet.

Where do I get changed?

Last door on the right, Dorinda.

You know, this is a new variable in my show

to have Dorinda moderating.

Maybe she's a little nervous? I don't know.

Dorinda, this is your home base. You've got water...

I cannot wait to get in my bed.

I just want everything to run smoothly.

I didn't memorize my lines.

Oh, you're so fine.

You just read off the cards.

But there are key things that I have to say,

in order to prompt a video.

We've been to your show, I know.

No, no, but this is a little different.

Who is the moderator?

- You are the moderator. - You're the moderator.

I have to do all of this stuff?

I want D to be my moderator

'cause I have a moderator on the show.

A hundred percent.

Will you do that? It'd be so much fun!

Yeah.

I thought it was just doing highlights in yellow.

You didn't give her all this information?

No, you... so, ready? It's super, super easy.

You want to talk through this whole thing right now?

It's super easy.

Dorinda and I were gonna sit down and just run her through

the moderation of the shows.

And she did not want to film with me, so that never happened.

I don't know how you do it.

You come up with the best catchphrases,

you ladies have given me half...

Why is Roger making cue cards for me and reviewing them?

What are we, in kindergarten?

I've got it. This is easy. I'm not worried.

This is my jam. I'm great live.

I can wing it.

15 minutes, everybody.

- Alright. I'm ready. - I'm ready.

This is gonna be so good.

Let's go and hit that stage!

Come right in here for me.

It always feels great when people show up for you.

- Have a great show. - Thank you.

A packed house, they're waiting for me to come out.

Stand by, lighting, and spot!

Okay, here we go, guys.

And when I get to the stage, that's when the magic happens.

Ladies and Gentlemen... this is the Countess speaking.

We have arrived...

♪ Gems, jets, silhouettes champagne in the sky ♪

♪ Fine premiers and fireworks every single night ♪

♪ Gold, diamonds, caviar, life is but a dream ♪

♪ When everyday you're living is featured on TV ♪

♪ Hair done, jewelry on, oh, mirror on the wall ♪

♪ Who's the fairest in the land? I guess it's not his call ♪

♪ Chic, c'est la vie, c'est bon, c'est bon ♪

A lot of fans don't know what to expect

when they come to my show.

They only heard about it or haven't seen it yet,

so I love to rock their world.

Let me hear ya!

♪ Chic, c'est la vie, c'est bon, c'est bon ♪

Ah! I love you, Fort Lauderdale!

You know what I love about you?

You show up for me.

You turned it out for the Countess! I love you!

What I love about Luann is that she's making fun

of all of the awful things that have happened in her life.

She's like, "Shit happens! Let me sing about it!"

It definitely takes a special person

to be able to poke fun at yourself like that, 100%.

I could not do that.

Please welcome Roger Dawley to the stage!

Hello, Fort Lauderdale!

Oh, my God! Hi!

Hello!

I think we have Kelly Bensimon in the house!

Hey, Kelly!

Kelly came, Dorinda's with me,

and I'm really missing that Sonja and Ramona didn't make it

to the show.

Well, I love being here tonight with all of you.

I'm happy to be here, but I feel like there's someone

a little more special who could take my place and maybe,

I don't know, make it nice?

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Dorinda Medley!

You fools!

So, D is here to make it nice tonight for all of us.

- It's an honor to be here. - Oh, thank you.

- We are back together. - Yes, we are.

We're family, you know. In a certain way, right?

And we're living the Golden Life now!

- Let's sit down. - Alright.

Let's get this cleared up, once and for all.

Did you, in St. Barths, ever sleep with the pirate?

This is the story.

So, we go out to St. Barths,

and we're having the best time.

And the pirate has pot.

I didn't give a shit about the pirate,

I just wanted to have a party with the pirate, right?

Wouldn't you want to party with a pirate?

Guess who fucked the pirate?

Sonja!

Sonja fucked the pirate!

Oh, my God!

Dorinda's got a great sense of humor and she knows me.

She also has a great understanding of the history

of the show.

I loved being here tonight.

Please, give it up for D joining me tonight!

I love your dress! What are you wearing tonight?

Jovani!

Thank you, D.

Everybody was loving it. You know, D had a great time.

I'm very impressed with the way Luann runs that cabaret,

and, I mean, that is a production.

And it's fun, and people love when Luann and I are together.

They do. They just sort of...

We have this great chemistry, kind of on stage and off.

Alright, my favorite part of the show is this.

We're gonna do a little Q&A with you guys.

Yes!

So, question is, do you think Bethenny is jealous

that you guys got this new show on E!, and she did not?

Ooh! I think Bethenny is done.

Everything is premeditated,

I want girlfriends who know the girl code!

And we have each other's backs! We're not doing that!

But don't worry, we have a lot of drama in any case.

But not nasty. Thank you!

I've so moved on from this whole story,

I'm totally removed,

and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

It's been such a great night to be with you guys, finally,

Fort Lauderdale!

Kelly! Come on down! Kelly, come on!

I've grown so much.

I started in a small theater, at 54 Below in New York.

Girls, come on, let's dance.

And this moment just means everything to me.

♪ Money can't buy you class ♪

Oh, I've got dancing girls.

♪ Money can't buy you class ♪

♪ Elegance is learned ♪

You know, just seeing the fans and the smiles on their faces,

and the joy that I'm spreading. It just means the world to me.

♪ Money can't buy you class ♪

I love you guys! And I'll see you next time, thank you!

We're here to lift you up.

And you can trust us.

Can I?

Is this a competition or are we really friends?

I've been looking for a friend like you for so long.

It hurt me deeply, what you did.

Oh, I'm crying 'cause Sonja Morgan and Kelly Bensimon

have been so mean to me!

You have no idea, because when I swing, you'll go down.

She's gotta go.

You know what? Sit down and get some receipts, Dorinda.

Oh, my God!

One shot, you go for it, then go for it once,

'cause then, game fucking on.