Original subtitles

- [Narrator] The following is a fan-based parody.

"My Hero Academia" is owned by Shueisha,

Viz Media, Shonen Jump,

(narrator coughs)

Studio Bones, Funimation, and Kohei Horikoshi.

Please support the official release on Bookwalker.

Use promo code KARF to get 600 yen off your first purchase

of digital manga and light novels.

More details in the description below.

(upbeat music)

- [Deku] World's number one hero, All Might.

I mean, statistically speaking anyway.

I know nowadays some people, most people,

find him kinda boring.

But it didn't used to be that way.

Back in his prime, All Might inspired a generation

with his amazing feats of strength and heroism.

But as super hero became the cool new career,

the general public began to focus less on saving people,

and more on who'd dropped the hottest new Hanukkah track.

[Shalom For The Holidays! By Death Arms Plays]

[Death Arms] Dreidel!

[Beat Drops]

- [Deku] But despite all that,

he never stopped being my hero.

And on that day, that hero was the only one

who said those words I'd been so desperate to hear.

- [All Might] Insignificant.

Foolish.

Pathetic.

- [Deku] Oh, wait, went back too far.

(Deku exhales)

Still stings.

(tape whirring)

- Young man, you too, can become a hero.

- You have no idea how much that means to me, sir.

No one's ever given me that kind of encouragement before.

And to hear it from you.

- (laughs) Well, every other person

you've ever met is a fool.

But don't judge them too harshly.

After all, they didn't get to see the well

of potential you showed me today.

And so, young man, I just have one question for you.

Will you accept my power and become my successor?

(Deku screaming)

- [Deku] Some of it went in my mouth.

- Aw, shit, don't swallow that yet.

- Yet?

- Forget it.

All you need to know right now is that I wasn't born

with this quirk.

It was entrusted to me by my master,

and her master before her.

It has been passed down through the ages,

one person improving the power,

before passing it on to another.

And the name of this amazing quirk is One for All.

- And all for one?

- What?

How do you know about him?

- Know about who?

Are you not referencing Three Musketeers?

- Three Muska, what?

- You know, the books?

There's a whole bunch of them.

- They wrote books about this?

Cripes, I need to get to the bottom of this.

We'll have to pick this up later.

- Wait, All Might, sir.

- What?

What is it?

- Um, I accept?

- [All Might] Huh?

Oh, all right, yeah.

That's great, kid.

I'll call you tomorrow.

(bright music)

- [Voiceover] A phone call is here.

- [Inko] Peekaboo, I think your phone's ringing.

Looks like it's long distance.

- Huh?

Oh, thanks, mom.

Hello?

- My boy, thank the stars you picked up.

I've been following that lead you gave me.

And golly, you have no idea how deep this thing goes.

- Oh my gosh.

All Might, is that you?

Where have you been?

- I'm in a ghetto in the south of France.

Tracking this shit to the source.

They say this Dumas fellow's the mastermind

behind the whole deal,

but apparently he's been dead for centuries.

Well I ain't buying it.

- All Might, sir, you ran off screaming three weeks ago.

Am I still gonna get to be a hero?

- Oh, right, yeah, sure, sure.

We'll start your training the second I get back.

Speaking of which, I'm gonna need you to wire me 5000 bucks.

- Wow, plane tickets are that expensive?

- Oh, no.

I met this guy who says he can get me the private tour,

if you catch my drift.

Sure, the sign out front says it's just another vineyard,

but I think we both know what's really going on.

- All Might.

All Might, please.

UA's entrance exam is only nine months away.

- [All Might] Oh, here he comes, I gotta go.

Francoise, my boy.

Come, let us partake of some quote unquote...

"Wine~"

(All Might Laughs Frenchily)

- Hello?

All Might?

(sighs) This... This is fine.

Oh man, the entrance exam is right around the corner.

I can't let All Might's kind words go to waste.

Even if I didn't get to inherit his quirk,

I owe it to him and myself to give it everything I've got.

- Looks like all hands are on deck today

as people are lining up in droves to see washed-up hero,

All Might, who seems to be making waves

at the local aquarium.

- Huh?

All Might's doing a show?

Why didn't he tell me he's back in town?

- [All Might] Yo, Gang Orca.

I hear you been talking shit.

You think just 'cause you're a man-whale,

you can do whatever you fucking want? Hueh???

Like some kinda man-whale?

Fuck you.

- [Naomasa] All Might, you gotta calm down, man.

That's not Gang Orca, that's just a whale.

- [All Might] You think you're so much better than me.

Well, watch closely, children, 'cause in about two seconds,

you'll believe a man-whale can fly.

- [Naomasa] Come on, All Might.

Just put her back in the tank.

- [All Might] Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

If it means so much to you, call me Ishmael, bitch.

(water sloshing) (audience screaming)

(metal clanging)

- I'm gonna give him a call.

(upbeat music)

♪ I can't do this all on my own ♪

♪ No, I know I'm no Superman ♪

♪ I'm no Superman ♪

- Heeyah!

Heeyah!

Heeyah, my boy!!

Come on, now.

It's just one little fridge.

I thought you said you've been training.

- I'm 120 pounds wet, sir.

It's not a matter of training.

It's a matter of physics.

- It's a poor carpenter who blames his physics, my boy.

- Yeah, that's not how that, (sighs) forget it.

What are we even doing here, anyway?

You ripped me out of bed at four in the morning,

and lashed me to a fridge.

- (laughs) That, I did.

I should probably explain.

- That would be cool, yes.

- You see, a frail little pudding body like yours

could never withstand my extremely well-endowed quirk.

- What?

So, you're saying it's hopeless?

I'm sorry, I'm such a disappointment.

Thank you for letting me down easy.

- No no, my boy.

All is not lost.

We just gotta whip that pudding bod

into a rich meringue of muscles.

Yes, a muscle meringue, fit to be dolloped on any pie.

A justice pie.

- I'm not sure I get what you're trying to say, sir.

- Imagine, if you will, trying to jam,

like nine potatoes into a one potato sack.

It's too small.

That sack's gonna rip.

You, my boy, are a very small sack.

I don't wish to rip your sack, my boy.

(bird squawking)

- What?

- Look, if I give you my quirk now,

your limbs will blow off your body is what I'm saying.

- They will?

Has that ever happened before?

- [Higeki] Mr. All Might, sir.

I think I can feel it working.

- [All Might] Marvelous, my boy.

Why don't you give it a go.

- [Higeki] Okay.

DETROIT...

(explosion booming)

- [All Might] Higeki, my boy.

What have I done?

- [Father] MY SON!!!

MY SON IS DEAD!!!!

CURSE YOU, ALL MIGHT!!

CUUUUURSE YOUUUUUU!!!!

- The point is, it'll never happen again.

- Again?

- I said it'll never happen, and then I stopped talking.

- Oh, okay.

Thank goodness.

So, you're having me bulk up a bit

by cleaning up this trash.

That makes sense, I guess.

- Yeah, you get it.

Heroes these days are only interested in helping people

if it makes headlines.

But it's always important to remember that true heroism

isn't always glamorous.

- Now that's the All Might I know.

Doing whatever it takes to help his community,

even if it's not super flashy.

- That's why your first step to becoming a hero

will be cleaning up this entire beach!

- What?

- [All Might] By yourself.

- What?

- Before the exam.

- WHAT?!?!

There's no way.

- (laughs) Not to worry, my boy.

Old All Might has done his homework.

Not a single doctor I talked to told me this was unsafe.

- Hey, is this safe?

- I don't know.

- This may seem daunting, even ludicrous,

but trust me when I say I believe you can do this.

- Wow, you really believe in me that much?

- Of course, my boy.

After all, even a punk like Gang Orca

could do this in 10 months.

- But All Might, sir, the exam is in a month.

- WHAT?!

No, no, impossible.

How could I lose track of that--

oh, right, the wine.

(upbeat music)

♪ Where have all the good men gone ♪

♪ And where are all the gods ♪

♪ Where's the streetwise Hercules ♪

♪ To fight the rising odds ♪

♪ Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed ♪

♪ Late at night, I toss and I turn ♪

♪ And I dream of what I need ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night ♪

♪ He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast ♪

♪ And he's gotta be fresh from the fight ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light ♪

♪ He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon ♪

♪ And he's gotta be larger than life ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night ♪

- [All Might] HEEYAH!!

(birds chirping) (footsteps thudding)

- Huh?

Uh, poor little guy.

He must be frustrated that he couldn't get it done in time.

Well, he's got spunk.

At least now we've got plenty of time

to train for next year.

Why, we've got this entire beach to-

(upbeat music of beach cleanliness)

Did I somehow go to the wrong beach?

But the boy is here.

Surely we couldn't have both gone to the wrong beach.

But then... that means...

I'M AN AMAZING TEACHER!!

- Oh, here I go.

It's happening.

(Dramatic boom of Deku Wrangling)

- Outstanding.

How did you do it, my boy?

I mean, I knew you could do it, my boy.

- Well, you see, every time I thought

things seemed hopeless, or that my legs might give out,

or that I was maybe coughing up TOO much blood,

I just looked myself in the mirror and said, "Shut up."

- That is deeply troubling, my boy.

But I'll be damned if it wasn't effective!

YYYYES!!

Now that's what I call a meringue!

The time has come.

Sally forth, my boy, and get your justice pie!!

- What are you talking about?

Oh, you mean the exam.

RIGHT!! THE EXAM!!

I haven't slept or had breakfast--

I STILL DON'T HAVE A QUIRK!!

- Well, I can help you with two of those things.

(Pop of Quirkening)

Eat it.

- Eh?

- Don't worry, it's from my head.

- Yeah, that wasn't really my main concern.

Well, I guess it is now.

- Look, there's no time to explain.

Just eat my hair!

(Deku chuckles)

- [Deku] You know, I should really be getting going.

Don't wanna be late.

- [All Might] Don't you run from me.

Don't you run from All Might!

Detroooooiiiiiit....

- [Deku] No, no, no, no. (screams)

(Swallow of Quirkening)

- All right, so the reason I had you swallow my hair.

- Why is there time to explain now?

- Is that's how One for All is passed down!

Enjoy.

- I don't really feel any different.

Is it working yet?

- Oh, it shouldn't kick in for another hour or so.

But when it does, hoo, boy, you'll know.

(upbeat music) (people chattering)

(Deku panting)

- I made it.

Oh boy, looks a lot bigger than I expected.

No.

No, now is not the time to get cold feet.

After all, if All Might hadn't found me

those Bolivian sleep suppressants,

I never would have finished my training

and All Might's taxes!

I can't let all his hard work go to waste.

So come on, step forward, and grasp your--

SHIT!!

(Sparkly Poof of Deku Wrangling)

- Wow, you almost beefed it pretty hard there, kid.

I mean, oh, golly.

Are you all right?

...Saved it~

(Deku screaming)

Don't worry, I caught you with my quirk.

I'm Ochako Uraraka, by the way.

What's your name?

- Bah?

- Oh, uh, your name is "Baeugh"?

Are you like a sheep person?

Like a weird, green, sheep person?

- Bah?

- Okay.

Well, good luck on the exam...

"Baeugh"!

God, they let some freaks in here.

- Bah.

Bah!!

BAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

- Hey, is that Sheep Kid okay?

(upbeat music)

Gosh, everyone here looks so tough.

I bet they've got some really amazing quirks.

And me without my notebook,

gotta make sure I remember as much as possible.

Okay, that guy's got multiple webbed arms.

Maybe he uses them to fly?

Oh, that guy looks like he's got a drill for hair!

I'm sure that could do a lot of damage!

And then there's.

♪ I can be your hero, baby ♪

♪ I can kiss away the pain ♪

- You there.

(Deku screams)

Would you please cease your crooning

of noted punk-rocker Enrique Iglesias?

You are distracting the other applicants.

- Oh no, that was out loud?

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to distract anyone.

I just saw this girl, and she's really nice and pretty,

and she saved me from falling.

I couldn't talk to her earlier.

I really wanna make (mumbling)

- I see.

- I think maybe- - You allowed your mind

to wander to thoughts of fornication.

For...

Ni...

CATION!!

Do you even realize where you are?

If you intend to claim her maidenhood,

then you may do so on your own time.

After writing her father a formal letter of intent to bed.

I must request that you refrain

from sullying these hallowed grounds with such...

frivolities!

- Aww, shit.

Okay, here we go.

HOW'S IT GOIN' KI--AUGH--

Fuck, I'm so loud....

ALL RIGHT!! YOU LOT READY TO BECOME HEROES?!?!?

WELL? SOD OFF!

CLOCK'S TICKING!

- Wait, what?

- [Examinee] Yeah, you haven't told us

what we're doing yet!

- Oh, bloody hell.

YOU EVER THINK THAT WAS MAYBE PART OF THE EXAM??

- [Examinee] Whoa, really?

I never thought about it like that.

- YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT!

NOW GET ON IN THERE AND... FIGURE IT OUT!

PLUS ULTRA!--

Fucking hell, I can hear my eyes moving.

- Oh, I get it.

He's testing our ability to quickly assess a situation

and determine our priorities,

and they've started without me.

(examinees screaming)

(Deku gasp of tardiness)

Wait for me!!

Gotta catch up, but how?

I don't know how this quirk works yet,

I don't even know what the goal is!

- [Present Mic] All right,

so it looks like you lot are gonna be,

oh, smashing robots!

Ooh, la-di-da.

Really thinking outside the box here, lads.

- Okay, robots.

I can maybe work with robots.

(explosion booming)

(Deku gets brake checked)

- I have robbed the puppy bank.

No witnesses!!

- See, this is what I get for believing in myself.

Death.

(lasers firing)

- [Aoyama] Zat's quarante-deux.

- What? What the?

- Now, now, mon petite croissant.

Zis is no time to get ze cold feet.

Why not follow my... exemple and go with your tum tum?

(Aoyama Laughs Frenchily)

- [Aoyama] Allons y!

- [Present Mic] THAT'S MORE THAN HALF THE ROBOTS DOWN!!

- Uh, already?

- [Present Mic] YOU KIDS ARE REALLY RACKING UP THOSE POINTS!!

BY THE WAY, THE ROBOTS ARE WORTH POINTS!!

- This isn't good.

At this rate, if I don't hurry up,

there won't be any robots left!

- [Robot] I'm so cold, I can't feel my legs.

(Sea of robots slowly dying)

Johnny Five is alive.

Truly, I have seen hell.

- [Nezu] Hmm, quite a fine crop, I daresay.

How many do you think will bite it this year?

- [Midnight] Oh, principal, that's awful~

(teachers laughing)

I'm just yanking your dick.

- Yeah, what else is new.

- [Midnight] I'll put down 50 on 30 dead kids.

- [Snipe] Whoa, what the matter there, girl?

We ain't tryna set no safety record here.

I'll take 200 on 200.

- Goodness me, now we're talking.

- [Present Mic] Oh, you like that.

Put old mikey down for a G.

I think we're clearing the board today, mates.

(teachers cheering)

Now, kids,

I feel obligated to inform you all

that this proper bellend here

is worth a whopping zero points.

But you never know.

There could be some extra credit in it for you.

Do it, fight, fight, and die.

- [Snipe] Now, come on there, mic.

That ain't playing fair.

You are ruining the sanctity of this here bet.

Oh, my stars.

Mic, no.

Take your blasted finger off the goshdang.

(explosion booming)

- Gosh, that's just a big old can of nope right there.

I gotta get outta here.

Oh, and would you look at that?

Now my legs don't work.

Isn't that just the best timing?

All right, you can still do this.

There's still gotta be some smaller robots left.

But first, what I really need you to do is freaking stand.

- Fucking, son of my ass.

It hurts so shitting bad.

Just put a fucking bullet in me.

End it.

♪ Ooh, dream weaver ♪

♪ I believe you can get me through ♪

- Shit in my asshole.

- That thing's gonna crush her.

Unless I do something.

I still don't know how this power I've been given works,

but it's now or never.

You were chosen by the greatest hero who ever lived.

So clench your fist,

and show him what you're really made of.

- Fuck him up, sheep kid, you wild bitch.

- Smash. (explosions booming)

Did I do that?

Holy cow, that's amazing.

Is this what Kacchan feels like all the time?

With this kind of power I could, eh?

(Deku screaming)

Oh gosh, what do I do?

What would All Might do?

Uh, he'd do a super cool hero landing.

And I've got his power now.

Yeah, that's it.

I'll just do a quick three-point-landing.

(Deku gasps)

The points have been compromised.

(groans) It hurts.

Aw, I screwed up.

All the time wasted building my muscles.

I didn't even think to build up my bones.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But maybe it'll be okay.

I mean, this is a school.

They must have people standing by in case of emergencies.

- [Teachers] Eat shit, eat shit, eat shit.

- Oh, who am I kidding?

They'll never get to me in time.

I got myself into this mess.

I'll just have to get myself out.

Maybe I can use my remaining arm to Detroit Smash the ground

at the last second.

Yeah, like how when you're about to get hit by a car,

you pull the pin on a grenade like no one does.

Izuku, you impossible fool.

All your teachers were right about you.

You're gonna die like a.

(hand smacks)

(Deku groaning)

- Got them.

(metal clanging)

- That girl, she saved me.

(Uraraka spouting)

Uh, she's even pretty on the inside.

- And that's time.

Show's over, folks.

- What? No.

I'm so sorry, All Might.

I'm a failure.

I'm a failure.

(body thuds)

(people chattering)

- [Examinee] If only we knew who this All Might guy is,

maybe we could call him.

- [Examinee] Is he like his dad or something?

- I don't understand.

What was that young man thinking?

We all heard the proctor explain that that behemoth

was not worth any points.

So then, why would he endanger himself to save that girl?

Could he have still been enamored by her feminine wiles?

- Oh, geez.

I sure am injured.

If some kind person could assist me,

boy howdy would that be appreciated.

Fucking help me.

- No, surely not.

Wasting valuable test time to save a charitable five

is simply ludicrous.

No, no, there's more to this.

What do your eyes perceive that ours cannot?

(footsteps thudding)

- Oh goodness, deary.

That must hurt like the dickens.

You're like a tube sock full of broken glass and bad meat.

Come here, let mama take care of you. (lips smacking)

- Whoa, is she allowed to do that?

- Yes.

She's the only thing keeping

this school's legal budget in check.

Her sweet kisses gently knit the body back together,

like a delightful handmade sweater.

- Oh, looks like that didn't set right at all.

Well, let's give it another go.

Sonny, would you be a dear

and hand me that rock right there?

Now, you're going to feel a little bit of pressure.

(Deku screams) (hands thudding)

- God, he is lucky he is unconscious for this.

- [Deku] I'm not.

I just didn't wanna be a bother.

She had to reset the bone seven times.

I mean, I admire her dedication

to getting the job done right, but like,

some anesthetic would've been appreciated, you know?

Or at least a heavier rock.

- Izuku?

Sweetie?

Are you okay?

- I won't lie to you, mother.

- I'll kill them.

(water splashing)

- So, it's really over, isn't it?

I failed.

All Might put all his faith in me,

and I couldn't even score a single point.

Oh, looks like I'm still working out.

I guess my body didn't get the memo

that we're a complete failure.

Man, we're gonna be so swole when we get to UA.

Keep up the great work, fellas.

(metal clanging)

(robot mumbling)

Oh, dear.

Guess I'll have to break the news to the gang.

- Honey, are you sure you're all right?

- I'm fine.

It just looks like I've gotta break a lot of hearts tonight.

- Oh, you little lady killer.

Well, just try to let them down easy.

But, you know, if they get out of line, I know a guy.

- Thanks, mom.

Look, guys.

I know we were all really excited to go to UA,

but I gotta talk to you about something.

(metals clanging)

Oh, oh, Lefty.

Um, I guess that's fine, but I gotta tell you.

(door thuds) - Izuku.

UA.

(Deku gasps)

- Do it.

Just do it, coward.

You already know you didn't get in.

So just open it, accept your rejection,

and you can start your new life as a mid-tier, door-to-door,

printer salesman, as you were always meant to be.

(Deku groaning)

(paper rustling)

(chip thudding)

- (speaking in foreign language) my boy.

- All Might?

Since when do you work for UA?

Now, I'm sure you have a lot of questions,

but unfortunately, I won't be able to answer them right now,

as this is merely a recording.

- Ah, right, of course, I'm sorry.

- Don't mention it.

So, first of all, I'm so sorry.

- Ah, I mean, I knew it was coming,

but still wasn't expecting it to hurt so much.

I guess there was a little bit of hope

left in there after all.

Where were you hiding?

There's no place for you in the world

of high-stakes printer sales.

- I probably should have warned you

that all your bones were going to explode.

But it's kinda tradition, you know?

A fun little bit of hazing among One for All wielders.

- [Cameraman] One for what?

- You didn't hear that.

It's a secret, One for All, what's that?

- [Cameraman] Nevermind, I don't care.

- Well, I mean, are you sure?

It's a pretty cool secret.

Like, I could tell you about it.

- Huh, I mean, he hasn't said I didn't get in.

Do I dare to hope?

- So, during the exam, I'm afraid you didn't earn,

well, any points.

- Nope, nevermind.

- However, one would be remiss to ignore this.

- Oh, uh, no, no, no, not that one.

No, not that one.

Oh, no, no, there we go.

You see that?

I think we can safely say that incident

with your classmate was no fluke.

You simply can't help yourself, can you?

Heroism like that deserves to be recognized.

After all, how could a hero course reject someone

who is so committed to saving others,

no matter the consequences to himself?

Well, that's exactly what I asked the school board

as they were tossing your application in the trash.

Fortunately for you, my boy,

thanks to calm logic, respectful discourse,

and a not-insignificant amount of blackmail,

I'm proud to say that cooler heads prevailed.

Now, I'm not naming names,

but let's just say that gerbil's likes them young.

- Wait, so does that mean?

- Yes, it does.

I assume.

Did I nail it?

I nailed it, didn't I?

It's weird, right?

It's like I'm actually talking to you.

(clears throat) Anyway, you may have a quirk now,

but it was your hard work and heroic spirit

that brought you to this point.

I'm so proud of you.

(Deku squealing)

Yes, yes, cease your squealing,

and let me be the first to bid you welcome

to your hero academia, Izikiel Midoraiya.

- Oh my God.

All Might doesn't know my name?

(upbeat music)