Original subtitles

You're bill Clement I'm sure I don't

have to remind you is two weeks overdue

nine o'clock and time for Saturday

beauty Club good morning ladies this is

your own Michelle this morning there are

two points to raise the bust and just a

simple little exercise to improve our

bust line

ready on the backs ladies we all got our

bags

it's me hurry

don't you see this could be the answer

to our problem

but I don't understand I mean we've

never besides I haven't got a telly what

look not that dear back there Martin

inking this complete home for 1,100

pounds after area do you realize that

we've been engaged for three months I've

never seen you in anything secluded is

accessible it's not as if I'd known you

in the summer at least I've seen you in

a bathing costume oh do shut up a minute

let me finish this

two bedrooms dining lounge kitchen and

bathroom where's the right size charming

garden apply Harper house boat Jasmine

it's not a house you idiot it's a bonus

a houseboat and at least it's somewhere

to live you simply couldn't get married

until we'd found somewhere to live I'm

beginning to feel like a Trappist monk

it was only I

I read somewhere that it's very bad for

the health but does something terrible

at the brain I should have known you a

sex maniac when you came to that door

six months ago in our special enemies

having a Tim full of them Tommy you know

go find Jimmy

I only wanna kiss you after all we are

engaged why are you afraid of me

not afraid of you is it it's by another

come in

what more effectiveness myth thank you

will rush into anything will you

I mean just because we haven't found

exactly what we're looking for relevance

a for the last three months now we've

only got a week to find something we

would have had two weeks if you hadn't

told her a filthy minded old so

she is just cuz we happened to be in bed

a plow Harper that's me Elsa daughter's

name just been doing the weekly shopping

my name is guarded them this is my

fiancee miss dealing I'll do miss

stealing how do you do looking for

somewhere to sit pay me well know I'm

not sure what I can let you have Jasmine

we met October effect response to the

airport you have a large isn't good not

better Tom that belongs to Watson.

Leonard Watson

he owns the mornings Papageno really

owner no this is Jasmine kid all the

steel magnate was a previous in our unit

Shelby makes a nice room yes it does

it's amazing who'd have thought there

was so much space and that's one of the

things I like about a bit plenty of

cupboard space it's another thing about

boots plenty of social life will come

down blue oh you'll have to get out of

the scene

my girl

mr. Goddard and his fiancee misty late

I didn't they are interested in buying

the built.

Jamaican of course I mean it

she hates the thought of leaving at you

now.

Nana take a grip on yourself little girl

this is Meg

electricity's shilling in the slot and

what some charges - could beat for the

morning not bear this well you've

been most kind mr. Harper I think we've

taken up quite enough of your time and

you still never better lunch mrs. Holly

and see what nothing just like this girl

1,100 pounds like us is that the

furnisher house wouldn't get involved

alright I'll frame 750 you throw us off

the boat you nobody said it cost over

15,000 recipe just the same if we lived

in Buckingham Palace and don't carry on

about your nerves the groundwork and all

you've got to do is to provide bacon and

eggs before Tonto

I'll give you bacon and acid that's what

mrs. Alford was delighted to us take

well we've thought it over mr. Harper

and we'd like to have the bird good

heavens you're a chap to make a quick

decision or job only it's a matter of

price all right make me an offer I can

always refuse it Conte 750

alright then that thing about hundred

pounds I haven't got time to argue don't

be a silly boy I'm doing you a favor

these things are cold that second end

you can tell she's our live video killer

the match the federal government is you

kidding

oh yes I forgot you're in the racket too

a hymnbook don't tell me you're still

using that story that it belonged to two

old ladies who only used it together.

Church oh I've got a new twist on man it

used to belong to two old Jewish ladies

who only you two go to the synagogue go

dim it look kiddush good chemic it's

sold three cars last week and one of

them was a spy I have more sensitive do

a deal with you here give me a hammer

the ribbon

yup

oh shake run out tonight

new tenants are moving in mr. Watson

say you're getting old

the bridegroom hasn't damaged himself

oh sorry to introduce myself

good evening I thought I better make

myself known if my neighbor spots a

limit boss Lennon Watson of course you

own the mornings I'm Jack got heart and

this is my wife we just got married this

afternoon

congratulations thank you I heard you

bought Harper's Elbert one day but you

were thinking of moving her moving yeah

how should we want to know her

oh and Harper didn't tell you about the

agreement yeah he's a dead flower

character what agreement

well you see I only bought the morning

six months ago and the man who had them

before went bust well I'm not surprised

he was charging peanuts peanuts and

they're crafty Fox Harper well they've

managed to get a two-year degree but I

didn't two years ah

it expires in three weeks all right how

much if we want to stay here how much

for that's double everything the world

of rising costs letting a world of

rising costs yeah I find it hard to make

both ends meet myself sometimes I bleed

for you

are there any other charges we should

know about now let me see

oh is this the heart of the house worse

ten public ten shillings a week what

couldn't we possibly supply our own hose

I'm sure we couldn't well no we only

call it the heart of the hose but well

it's for the water you have to pay for

the water you see how dare I mean after

all you can't expect to have anything

that nothing can you is that the lot

yeah I think so perhaps Liam merely

forgot the car park

now we charge the visitors half a crowd

at night but well we like to help out

our tenants so it's out of fifteen but a

week that's over five pounds a week I

know it's amazing out man 70 this is

blackmail shouldn't I get words like

this to have a tag of course and that's

in the way you'll be able to move this

old tub little an-naba senior I'll seem

dead dropping again sometime you've got

three weeks to get that wreck out of

here

don't forget three weeks oh well things

are looking up we only had one week to

get out of Hammersmith.

Oh

mom behind your back all about their

music in the romantic move and now a

selection from the Handel's water music

well back to the monastry I'll make

something what on earth were you doing

just thinking no that's such a dry Ross

bad luck

you know she's over tell you what I'll

do give you and then you'll be all set

all right love to said my wife had never

stand for it my wife would never stand

for it have you gone Stan bonkers have

you lost your marbles

look boy far be it for me to interfere

between Manawatu Jourdain for trouble

toss me that ring spelling I'm serious

about it you've got to be rough with him

do you think I'm gonna give my wife a

poke in the eye just to please didn't

say that bird who goes for the

self-defense spring a surprise Allah

that's what I do

thank you for a cruise this weekend I

tell you what I'll do I'll give up my

weekend in Brighton and I'll come and be

your crew and your navigator I can just

eat it too you love it back there in the

old deck chair like a couple of

millionaires and how much is it gonna

cost you just a couple of bumper fuel

for the engine that's all to give your

wife the finest

anyone at any woman's ever had cruising

in our own yacht you know you're not

such an idiot after all that beers two

little pigs I could run the engine you

could do the navigation right but I'll

come back of the boat with me now and

take a look at it we can make a start on

the engine right away huh hey women what

about the missus do think it'd be all

right certainly am I a matter of mouse

well that's about 11

thank you thank you so much for

delivering at such short notice to you

see I want to give my husband a surprise

don't you think you very like this

succeed thank you very much you don't

think I've overdone it do you

no ma'am or I should say you judge did

you in our city you won't miss it and we

won't feel the impact of sudden wealth.

I think it's some strange I thought

you'd make the place look a bit more

homely darling it is the bus home lived

in low world

thank you do you think you could get

into the habit of calling it a houseboat

I mean it sounds so bleak to say we live

in a boat doesn't it after all it isn't

as though we're ever going to use this

as a boat no well I just asked city feed

the info I knew you wouldn't

oh yes I had to go down to the shops

well you know then I can chase it around

the house the boat by marvelous.

I couldn't done it better myself

lovely

certainly women are like dogs you gotta

tell them what the dinner make them

belly have another master ear boy cuz I

get confused I don't have to tell me

that just to be me fans in for sure

can't see what's happened to Charlie.

Mike's Pickers have trouble getting away

from his old woman never could see a

sign of a stag party took to Paris it's

in alright to tell my missus I was going

on a five-day bicycle race

are you still don't have to dress for

the party bitch came to see me off

don't breathe a word about this cruise

until the day a good idea so keep the

element of surprise

you better get changed I'll bring it

down a glass of brandy oh I better be

going it I've got a blonde coming around

what's the trade any worse for an ice

cream bag your whip things I'm about to

drop a horse exhaust must have been

quite a little bad coming unexpectedly

like that it would tend to say it off

your balance

now look here there's no need to be

bloody stupid about this huh well how

the hell was I to know you were on the

pedaling gangplank as far as I was

concerned you were safely out of the way

I mean safe they're doing that been

doing the shopping but anybody would

think it was like trying to start up

finishing into the way you're carrying

on

we are draw your attention to the fact

that I am NOT carrying on well stop

sulking them three days anyway I can't

see why you wanted to stop the beastly

engine in the first place

all right then well I'll tell you

actually it was to have been a surprise

you think it wasn't

believe me you managed that bit all

right I thought things haven't worked

out at our honeymoon as well as they

might have that is a masterpiece of

understatement Cheers

you better get another bottle just in

case couldn't we start again I'd like to

make it up to you give you a sort of a

second honeymoon do you think we could

stand the strain please don't be bitter

darling after all how was I to know the

boat leaped you were wonderful but a

single word of complaint passed your

lips mmm god you're impossible

oh my wish I could stay angry with you

longer and I can't you know I was

thinking as I was working at the garage

I was thinking one day I'll give that

girl the best honeymoon a girl has ever

had when you're really darling when

you're really thinking of me but I ask

myself what more could any girl want and

a honeymoon cruising in our own yacht

silly

I don't suppose we'll ever be able to

afford to buy cunning conniving

so that's what your leading up to that's

why you started that drinking engine Oh

what are you getting some mad about I

was only thinking of you I want to split

your skull with this bottle

I'm sorry darling perhaps I shouldn't

have tried to keep it from you I thought

you'd be thrilled no packing or

unpacking just untie the ropes on our

way taking everything with us

you could have sat back in your chair

all day long like a millionaire million

heiress don't ripen a millionaire s

better Gunther said it's all our fault

I'll make up some story alright where

are we going little way down the river

we can turn back whenever you say after

our little relieve the monotony for you

monotony that's a good word it's about

the only thing we haven't had you my

darling are gonna have a honeymoon

you'll never forget

hey what are you doing with pets a

figure - or remember just untie and take

everything with us that's part of

everything

sorry I'm late this is Sandra do you

think it's just lousy weather all

they're asking for our ice cream vans I

read some of the other day every seven

years and this mate is the seventh year

I'm so happy for you

I've been looking forward to this cruise

ever sir have you yes that's mine

not Sandra's you wouldn't think by

looking at her that she's one of the

best strippers in the business she's got

a routine with three pigeons I do have

that bird enough clothes of me I found I

hadn't got a pin to wear I'm sure you'll

manage shall I lead the way yes you look

like a millionaire

yeah well he's eccentric now don't

forget

don't mention money to him he likes

people to think he's skint yes

oh yeah well I told you it is eccentric

come on

yes

the ng-controller to take notes why not

these up they're quite simple really

to go ahead press that button for

neutral that's all right at the club six

of us goes changing it plays much

smaller than this girl's she's on fire

she's not you know I do believe yes the

hell he is he's going to take her out

getting a bunt and the way is the

simplest matter in the world if of

course you're bad my experience so

ladies if you would mind step into the

rear or I'll stir into the wheelhouse

how is me that is even harder chauffeur

the chauffeur God

a hitch

what about it just cast off on our way

taking everything this nothing could

have been simplified it was so simple it

was almost don't know where it'll get

more interesting later on oh goody if

anyone wants me I'll be up in the girl I

think I'd like to get changed a little

more.

I was thinking I might give up the car

games not a butcher

in the small way of car coming with you

like this unfortunate it's more munch my

folks and Caramba dry almond tree oh boy

go on it take them off take them off

just for a minute

nick is a fine

that's a receipt certainly I mean the

radio silly you mustn't put the radio

miss to the campus it upsets it keep

looking at me like that make you feel as

if I'm naked friend

jebaited up for you're going

why don't you watch it

it's going off nothing disgraceful out

there they let these characters on the

river without a driving test

he's drowning I'll do the talking

there's no sense in antagonizing a word.

I am oh where you from Christmas Island

that's not bad

seven complaints in two miles that's

almost a record complaints

yes excessive wash I love don't think

we've ever known our radios so busy live

out of it we was already moving

apparently you are moving to the tune of

seven cups of sources on an Azusa a cut

glass bowl on Lily maid the owner of

Jane got his sausage of mash in his left

the Reverend V Thomas says you wet his

trousers I mr. Earl in a high of skip

fell on his earth fiance and broke her

past it thanks it's funny how we

sometimes can't read your own yes

another of them just coming over the

blower Oh Grenville Carter from the

sailing sub says they ran him down he

could have got out of the way I was

going starboard starboard what more does

he want I'm sure we can straighten all

this out officer he's I'm sure we can

would you yes please

you told me they'd give it a teetotaler

never stand by in the launch yes

you see my husband like a bit of the

green belt take a look at the one in

white

what do you know about this place all

right

they all go there must be sort of

miniature Blackpool whoo it'll be all

right tonight

love it so that's it

miniature Blackpool dump what do we do

now we can't stay there for two days

still Rama's get cream Ramsgate that's a

thought you never get away with it

because they we missed her late could

you get us the rent

laughs all right let's go

brief if you may have to get us there

blind phone probably no worry about my

run out of it in two or three minutes

well anyway we know where they are

yeah we keep heading due east we must be

all right what's happened where are we

oh no need to worry just run into a

little sea salt dissolve that's what

happened now where are we

well there's one place we're not and

that's where we ought to be at home all

right you said we turn back any time I

said I'm saying it now we turn back the

world is our oyster who knows where we

may wind up maybe Australia that'd be

nice I've got a custom it lives in

Australia why I ever allowed myself to

be talked into this I I shall sit down

here quirky and compose myself for death

run out of it in five minutes and what

if we don't it might take five hours or

five weeks yeah well in that game

did you eat it quick get anything you

can make a noise

while I was right

calculations checked and double-checked.

Jules getting low enough for another

quarter ah there she goes yes I am.

Victor Ramsgate you will do no such

thing

now this calls for a celebration you two

girls were gonna get changed we will

take you ashore for the finest meal at.

Ramsgate can provide a couple of bottles

of wine the meal I insist

besides have you forgotten got a

millionaire's sorry it slipped my mind

for a minute must be wonderful to be

rich nice work

you know where we are take a look over

that warehouse it doesn't look right you

could find your way to excuse me radio

oh that's fine that's great

we're really in a new center wonderful

don't miss it

well Sid and I were just thinking it

seems silly to flock all the way down to

the town about a nice little meal here

onboard if you think we've got all

dressed up like this to cook yeah ha

we'd already thought of that I am going

to do the

yeah that's it what about a nice little

um both bogging on this dark steering

bar me to video well there isn't any bus

there's very little of anything else I

was in the shopping hole here and come

on Oh a disc Oh miss Connie I'm starving

so am I I think it's silly traipsing all

over the town madness alright we'll go

by ourselves come on Sandra did I miss

your bus fare hold that you Marcy will

play I think about you angry yes yes

then I shall require you ships papers

your passport and your import permit

import permit it is forbidden twin for

thumbs and team to France without a

permit certainly madam you aren't

eligible little error in the old

calculations no where's the captain of

this ship

please well I suppose I am

in a manner of speaking in a manner of

speaking well you see it isn't really a

ship at all oh I see it is not trader

sheep at all it's a house perhaps you

will be so kind as to tell me how you

come to have your house in the middle of

a harbor well you may find it a little

difficult to believe this but well here

goes it all started as a trip down the

river.

Jazmin day believe it I spin Milhouse

maybe I raised the rents of what she

decided to have a great son

well he's gotta hand it to him he got

here he's got to get back yet and the

next thing we knew we were here I see

well Monsieur you warned me I might find

it difficult to Billie

however I said give you 12 hours with

about but we can't depart with no fuel

that is not my business Monsieur if you

are still here a premise found the boat

the matter

the house will be impounded until

official operation I've been copied but

just a minute I will not take well.

Monsieur if your story is true maybe no

more than a few days off laughs and for

your sake I hope it is goodbye you know

meantime of course you will not be

allowed ashore Mira listen

now let's try and sort this out shall we

we are in France we can't leave because

we have no fuel if we stay the boat will

be impounded we have no food and we

can't go ashore to get any when you said

I have a honeymoon I'd never forget you

really meant it

this makes the first honeymoon look like

a honeymoon run in the ass maybe longer

what that's all I needed to complete my

day do you know the mornings chat him

you'll give it a fuel and we're home and

dry no cross love in your life love his

head off if you knew what had happened

you see my husband has his pride yeah

that's all very well but you've got us

into this mess mate I did may I remind

you that if I hadn't let you talk me

into going on to Ramsgate we would still

be in hole Haven if you hadn't what I

told you you never get away with it just

do I understand you deliberately past

hole Haven in a way I suppose did you or

didn't you

well yes I thought I don't care what you

thought all I care about is I am in.

France I am tired I am hungry and I am

fed up furthermore I am going to bed and

if you dare come anywhere near me so

help me oh I'll make myself a widow

it's stupid going on like this I'm

coming in do you hear me I'm coming in

damn silly about it I'm gonna get drunk

nice drop a stop stop I'll come straight

to the point

my name is Sid Randall and this is mrs.

San Tomas charming name for a charming

lady if I say sir

thank you there we're off the Galvin gay

by now as a matter of fact we are right

in the weaving a bit of a spot so the.

Harbormaster is saying yeah well not to

beat about the bush and seeing her blood

is thicker than water we thought you

might help us out with a drop of fuel I

wish I could talk to God kid I must get

that tomorrow could do is to give you a

lift

we're leaving first thing in the morning

and I expect I could squeeze you in are

you really a piercer grateful the age of

chivalry is not possible yeah no matter

if miss Marchetti I can't thank you

enough mr. Watson

this morning try to talk me into going

with him to turn you suggest then a man

of my standard he's making these out I

need just gonna fetch him a right-hander

and thought of his double he always

jumped me fool of him yeah I'm gonna

charge on it still I got in a few good

temps.

Cheers

would you say that again some are you

going deaf I said he's got 400 gallons

there's plenty more where this comes

from.

Oh Cydia but I'll do things to see it -

you'll be back later

well as I was saying had always been a

striptease artist

I don't cabaret as well sure why not

give a little show for my guests work

your passage shows people don't usually

do private parties masucci being so

helpful

do you like it love it after it my pups

with me did you prefer me a few bits and

pieces I know just a few the curtains to

have below let me see if we manage to

pinch 30 gallons to quit strip coverage

all right suppose we get the juice how

do we get home without a cover so simple

we know what's is eating first thing in

the morning we follow him back

nothing short wouldn't be safer even if

we had to come to stop waiter okay

you let me put the right now look don't

let's stop that again are you ready yeah

right

this reminds me of when I was in the

commandos I thought you were in the Navy

naval commandos.

Oh.

Patti coming up

if I can just get into the cabin I'll be

alright.

I'll toss it who takes first watch anime

trouble yourself comfy you'll be asleep

well caviar and champagne should do the

trick she shows any sign of leaving

whatever you're doing stop it and give

me a shout

take me you got too much to drink

terrible

wake up not to wake the way you're

carrying or not put this up together.

Watson's leaving I'll get the engine

stopping

shall I open eruption Oh slow down

there's some ketchup for this aye aye

sir we're gaining on this outcome could

wipe the floor without any time anything

sir

that slushee if the rubbish is all right

on the river Oh Jasmine gay Oh Jasmine

gay have you got any messages for

friends or relatives back home you never

know where you're going to end up Julie

oh don't worry about that

we might be back before you are you must

be acid in the hunt

you wanna bet I certainly do come on

take him up or come in with your father

darling don't be stupid robot a bouncy

day Jack I can only lose 50 Bob for over

a sport that's have a real bit a year's

rich double or quits a telly don't be a

fool it's 200 pounds nice also just big

talk yum right I'm gonna get away with

that naturally now let's show him what

she can do.

I thought you said Sheila no good at sea

must be a following women said the best

you can do I lost skipper to make this

thing move twice as fast now I'm going

back for a couple of hours keeping when

I get up again I don't want to see that

thing anywhere in sight sit call your

service huh

didn't I Drive on for four years from

Dublin Saturn's are

yeah the engine rooms flooded give me a

hand will you keep on these tracks

the unexpected

piece of rubber or something to wrap

around the lake

must be worth more than that I was to me

what is this thing.

I got bad ahead in the Boy Scouts

places

say conceptions of gone wrong again

they stuck must be some sort of trick

he's going the wrong way

don't focus what do we do now he's gonna

say wasted we oughta be in a street in

about 40 minutes

the attest Americans drive the bus

one mile to go

imagining rent free for a whole year and

if Watson books are end up will be

saving even more money maybe I'm not

such a lunatic out for all oh you do

yourself an injustice I'm sure you must

be just hope dad I still think we ought

to wait till September I don't think I

can get the time off in September it's

our busy time at the sewage farm no.

Ethan

I don't know can't you get a bit more

out of her what about the wash sir to

hell with the wash.

I think we ought to make it July

sorry yeah

better make it you love me been quite a

trip

it has a lead not unprofitable either I

know well Watson is now someone else.

Spain I expect Olay once their round the

next bend at home.

Repton the last mile we hadn't been so

busy congratulating ourselves we've seen

him coming

there's nothing to stop them now they

seem to be in position now stand by move

it let this lunatic through soon it's

been nearly there by now Oh bang guys

200 quid

I'm frightfully sorry.

Oh.

Like he could let that more damage if

you'd be the net craft carrier I'll take

her inside a bit of nine

you come a bit I want to show these

yelping types where they get off

and that includes three boring for a

year I'll leave you to think it over

you'll stay to lunch of course oh what's

very nice of you but I see we got out of

it much disappointed if you didn't

Rose what do you think very nice for

weekend

look sure know what's offensive myself

in one of these things all right she's a

skin 1300 awfully 950 cash take it or

leave it he can have any likes dump