Original subtitles

Diwali is meant to be about new beginnings.

Light over darkness.

I wish I could undo it all.

Money well spent, huh?

That's it.

That is it.

Diwali is canceled.

What?

I wanted my first Diwali to be explosive, but this is not what I had in

mind.

Could've fallen for a voosie, seepo.

Hey,

how's it going?

I suck at this.

Perfect. I am a natural.

Relax, Mabatu.

It's just Indian fudge, not a sign from the ancestors.

Or is it?

The great Dr. Mabato Nkomo can perform surgery on the tiniest part of the human

body, but she's defeated by Diwali treats.

Your parents are going to hate me. Okay, listen, they're not going to know if I

helped you.

Of course they'll know.

He's Indian and begs for a living. I'm black and operate on eyeballs for a

living.

Fine, fine, but if anybody asks, you are never here.

It's, uh, it's...

Just sit down. Sit down. There you go. Good.

Nice.

God, I love him.

They're going to see right through me.

They are going to love you, just like I do.

Okay, but what if they don't? And what if they hate our engagement news?

You know what would help?

Don't say it.

Your parents.

I mean, it's not too late to invite them to Durban. And you said it. Said what?

The bad words, Tanwasam.

Parents. Okay, well, I hate to break it to you, but Diwali is about family. It's

literally our version of Christmas.

You know why you've never been to a Gomo family Christmas?

We don't celebrate Christmas.

We survive it.

But they'll find out about the engagement as well.

Two families.

One's done.

Well. If we're just telling parents things, we can tell your parents that

you quit medicine to open a bakery.

Just had to ruin the moment, didn't you?

Why are you scratching?

Is your eczema back?

That only happens when you're nervous.

Baby, it's a mosquito bite, okay? I am not nervous.

I'm excited.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. We're gonna be late.

And you're never late.

Yes, and we definitely can't be late for our only engagement party.

which part of small intimate affair was not clear you sent 15 emails and i got

bored tony you are leaving the single world they play you've got to

go out and start thank you i think that's really sweet of you don't you

don't thank her What if our parents find out before we tell them? We need to

stick to the plan.

We road trip into Durban, I meet your parents, they fall in love with me, then

we can tell my parents.

This engagement party is on!

You know,

I never thought you had it in you.

You guys know my mother my first value with Russians family has to be

perfect

Someone always messes up. Tommy, that is why I replied to the T.

Because no room for error means no room for messing up. Exactly. I know. Let's

groove. The chaos, the chaos, the chaos, the chaos is coming inside, coming

inside the chaos. Sparky, sparky, sparkly.

Good

morning

to the world out there.

I can't believe I finally get to see where you grew up.

Yes, but remind me, why didn't we just fly to Durban?

I didn't make a billion sweetmeats to have them squashed on a plane.

Technically, you didn't really make those sweetmeats. Right, well, baby, to

your family, I am the best at making Indian treats.

Yeah, to me, you are the best at everything. You are... imperfect.

Stop trying to distract me.

Okay, for the weekend, we have shopping for new clothes, meal preps, and the

Chelsea annual family cricket game, and then the Diwali feast.

Shall we go over it again? We've been through this every night for the last

week. One more time for good luck.

Dr. Shyam Chetty, award-winning cardiologist and devoted family man. I

mean, the man literally saves lives every day.

You make him sound like a saint. Your father single-handedly started the

Chetty Wellness Center.

Give him a cape and call him Superman already.

Is Mr. Pulley prepped and ready for his angioplasty?

Next, your brother, Darshan Chetty, top-rated orthopedic surgeon, eldest

son, and heir to the Chetty throne.

You do know we're not royalty, right?

Varshan, you're ruining this.

Anyway, Darshan is happily married to childhood sweetheart Daya, an

anesthesiologist. Hello, my Varsha.

You know exactly what kind of bone I wish for.

Hashtag couple goals.

Then there's Varusha, dermatologist, rose amongst the thorns, and your

younger sister. Even though she pretends to be older.

You want to be beautiful, yes?

She's happily married to a vet after a little bit of parental resistance, but

your parents are so liberal.

Dr. Chetty, your wife is here. You know I have a name, right? It's... And

finally, our matriarch. Perfect mom, homemaker, and tiger mom extraordinaire.

She's the glue to the Chetty family.

Matarina and I are bound to be besties.

Let's, uh...

Let's start with auntie. We are going to work our way up tomorrow.

Let me just handle my mom.

Okay.

So,

today's the big day, eh? Please send me those available dates.

From now through to 2028.

Yeah, you have my email?

Sure. Thanks. Bye.

Can't believe you remembered.

You remind me every five minutes.

What was that about dates? Just some casual inquiries about the availability

of the Devon ICC.

Why? Just in case we need it. For a wedding.

Let Vashen introduce us first.

Well, he hasn't been home for two years and then this happens.

You don't just casually bring home a girl for Diwali.

That's serious, babe.

I need to be prepared.

But the ICC, that's a bit much.

Just being proactive, babe.

You know how the ICC gets fully booked up, and I've been dreaming of a proper

teddy wedding forever.

Two of your three children are married.

Ah, one of them eloped, and the other one did it at home affairs.

They don't count as real weddings.

Not like the one Varshan is going to give me.

Yeah, but we don't even know whether Varshan and this girl are serious.

We don't even know the girl's name.

Yeah, well, it's not my fault that your son is so bad at communication.

You know he gets that from you, right?

I should be getting to work. Bye.

I'm just wondering whether I should check the pundit's availability.

So beautiful.

Recalculating route.

No, no, no, no.

Recalculating route. You took the wrong turn. Make a U-turn over here so we can

get back on track. Baby, I've got a surprise for you.

Uh-uh, we don't like surprises. Oh, come on. We never ever let you down.

Okay, there was that hike. But, I mean, how was I supposed to know that that guy

wasn't that actual guy? The sangoma beads, the slaughtered chicken, and the

fact that he wanted to read our bones.

Okay, well, what about the amazing surprise proposal that came after?

I mean, we were lost and almost was at.

Yeah, it was a good one. OK, so you are going to love this because this time it

doesn't involve any crazy people.

We are behind schedule, so this better be worth it. Oh, yeah. No, this is good.

Here we go. Yeah? Yeah, you know. Here we go. Okay, here we go. One, two,

three. Ta-da!

Surprise! I thought you said it didn't involve crazy people? What took you guys

so long, man? Baba's driving me insane, I guess.

Mandla Mubesi Nkomo, leader of the Dysfunctional Nkomo clan.

I call him Baba.

He calls himself Mzanzi's number one pharmaceutical rep.

But truthfully, give him a shot.

You cheated on my mom and broke up our family. No, no, no, no.

Of

course,

you know. Okay,

bye-bye.

I hope he doesn't call me... He always uses my Zulu name, as if it settles a

score with my mom or something.

Vashin, his name is Vashin.

You'll be proud of me.

You'll be proud of me. You know what?

At least it's just one of them.

And there she is, Mandra's nemesis.

Penelope. It's in Penelope.

She'll tell you hurikimamaka, but I did most of the mothering after Ubawa left.

She's all about the drama and all the damn catsuits.

Whoa, baby. This is a

dignified

event.

Yeah, your guess is as good as mine.

Note who that man is.

In Christ.

Lover pleaser. The tantric guide to Kama Sutra.

I'm gonna be sick.

I'm gonna be sick.

They always do this. Hijack my moment and then act like I'm the drama.

Just excuse me while I go and scream into the ocean.

Put that away.

Not till Diwali.

Put it away.

Did you find the stuff? And it better not be dodged.

Sis, why are you saying me like that? Mervyn, I found a new guy.

Well, actually, she's a girl.

And her name is Baby.

I don't care who it is, as long as it's better than that stupid guy from last

year. Gave us cheap duds.

And listen to me. I refuse to be outshone by Arusha again.

Relax. This year, we're going to be the dons of a mishlanga.

Our fikes will be tops.

But I'll need some moolah.

About ten good ones?

Lay you off your rockers.

I'll give you five.

You make it work.

Just in case I need to make a turn at the market.

Okay, you're sending now?

Sending.

Done.

Right. Give me that.

That.

Breathe, Mabatu.

Breathe.

This is your big surprise.

It felt wrong not to have them here. We're getting married.

You ruined everything with your surprise.

You never stopped telling me how perfect your family is, how happy they are. I'm

pretty sure I never said that.

Baby, look at me, okay?

Whatever happens tonight, remember we are a team.

We will do this together.

Your parents promised me that they were going to be on their best behavior. By

the end of this evening, my mom is going to throw a shoe.

I'm a yoga instructor.

Can we take a beat?

Do you maybe want to put your shoe back on?

Yeah, I mean, we are a two-for-one weekend special.

We

are

an hour behind

schedule. There's so much to still do, and I wanted to write a poem about

Diwali to your parents.

I'll help you.

Diwali.

Dazzling light.

Sheer delight.

Where we celebrate Mother Sita and Lord Rama.

With Chetty, Mama, and Papa.

I dabbled a little bit in open mic slam poetry.

I'll dabble your angry face.

They are going to think that I'm one of those who lives by African time.

Babe, we'll change here.

We'll meet them at the restaurant.

Now, show me my bedroom. Because, Batu-Batu, if you want perfection, I

need to look perfect for dinner tonight.

Right. So, there's only one.

One what? Why, why, why, why? One Petro.

The thing is, it's the only place me and Varshan could find.

Now said.

No, look. No, no, no, no.

Every Indian here in South Tyre want to go to Durban for Diwali.

You know Durban is like the Mecca for Hindus, right?

You guys know this?

Oh, shit. Sorry.

All right.

I'll get the bags.

Love you.

Love you too.

Maybe you've done it again.

You got the clips?

What's this? Made in China, India, Pakistan and many more. All these

countries. It's international.

Good stuff.

You don't want it? I got plenty people like it. No, no, no.

I'll take it.

Don't need to be like that.

Listen here.

Don't mess with me. What?

We agree two and a half.

It's worth 4.5. You can have it.

Don't worry, I got cash too.

You don't need to count it. I'm good. I'm good for it.

Oh, you brought your boys. Hurry up. Hurry up. Shut up.

Double up. Double up. Double up.

Put in the boot.

Small fella is big now, huh?

Close the boot. Never mind. Go, go, go.

Like a baby.

I need to go now.

Okay, yeah, go. I'm staying.

I'm just saying, it hurts when your brother hides his girlfriend from you. I

love you, V, but you can't keep a secret if your life depends on it.

Something's gotta be wrong with her.

What if she saw me a path?

Or maybe your brother just didn't want his whole family in his relationship.

It's fine, man.

Hey, give her a chance.

Fine. But if she's a homeopath, I'm not calling her doctor.

I can't believe you're making me leave Durban Valley Festival for your lame

fantasy.

It's stupid, Darshan. They're gonna know.

Everybody's gonna be focused on the golden child. They will know.

Come on, it's Diwali. Where's your fire?

Where's your Diwali spirit?

Sorry, it's dead.

How's the day, everyone?

I am starving.

Mervyn. What?

Read.

Move.

We're not allowed to order until Barshan arrives. Until Barshan. And it's going

to be worth it. You'll see.

Martian, look at how gorgeous you look, my baby boy.

I missed you, sweetie.

Particle sun returns.

My Raja, look at you.

How handsome are you? Can't you get any more handsome?

It's so good to see you.

Are you going thinner?

I hope you're eating.

Tell me, where is that lovely doctor girlfriend who's been stealing you from

me? Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. We don't need you right now. I'll call you when

we're ready to order.

Oh, wait, I'm not the waitress. It's me.

I'm the doctor girlfriend, Matarina.

Wait,

what's going on? Uh, yeah, this is, uh, this is my girlfriend.

Mabato. Mabato.

Wait, so I'm the only one who didn't know she was... Lovely to finally meet

you, Mopato.

Thank you. I've heard so much about all of you.

But I guess you can't say the same.

Wow. If my girlfriend looked like that, I'd be giving daily updates.

I mean, I love my wife. I'm confused.

Why would you hide her from us? No, no. I am not hiding her from you. I was

saving her for the big news.

Yeah. We're getting married. Not if I get arrested for murder tonight.

Wow. Surprise.

Marriage? Oh, God. I completely forgot about them.

What in the cultural appropriation is she wearing? Sorry, excuse me. Who are

they?

This is my family.

Who do you think you are?

Where's my little yellow ball? Where are your uncles?

I think just because they're Indians, you know we must ignore our Zulu

customs. Baba, since when do we follow Zulu anything?

Wanaka, you know I don't like saying this, but your father is right. Just

because he cheated with a teenager doesn't mean you shouldn't listen.

You should have told us.

35. She was 35.

Can you guys just wait for me to introduce you before airing dirty

laundry? Maybe we should all just breathe and calm down.

So, Varshan, since it's been a night full of surprises, let me guess.

The wedding is next week.

Do you have any idea how long the wait list is to book our family pundit?

That's a Hindu priest.

Who's the son?

I'm Ezee, lover of the bride's mother.

And breaker of my will to live.

Right now, wait, wait. So you're talking about bride and pundit when I haven't

seen your uncles outside my gate?

For your information.

We Hindus also have our own wedding traditions and customs.

Excuse me, what makes you think your traditions are better than ours?

Interesting you would say that, because you look very comfortable picking and

choosing from other people's cultures.

Why can't they?

Oh no, here comes the shoe.

I guess I see why you chose to stay away from home and never visit.

This is exactly why I didn't want them here.

I'm telling you all now, we're definitely not eating tonight.

Passion

is

just trying to calm down egos.

I thought I should check on you.

I... Always thought he was proud to be with me.

He is. He brags about you every time we speak.

But he left out a pretty big detail.

Look, did you tell your parents about Vaishen when you met?

Not exactly. They just kind of bumped into him.

You see?

And therein lies the dilemma, isn't it? Because if you mention it, it's a

problem. If you don't mention it, it becomes a problem.

The truth, Nobato, is...

It's not a problem.

I could see it in your wife's face. She doesn't like me. Martian surprise day is

all. My wife hates surprises.

At least we have one thing in common.

Purusha is married to a woman.

And it took a while for Trina and I to come to terms with that.

But you came around.

Yeah, only problem now is that she's a vet.

Yeah, they're not real doctors.

Not at all.

Not to be the I know black people or we liberal or have black friends kind of

guy but I Also dated a sultry afro pop

queen once I thought that you you and your wife were together for ever Tembi

it was my final year of varsity and I wanted to marry her but It didn't work

out. She wanted to tour the world, and I wanted to start a family.

And Terina, we shared the same vision.

And so I settled down with her.

Look, I've seen the way my son looks at you.

And if you want to keep that spark, all you need to do is share the same vision.

And trust me,

you're not his temple.

Sure.

I'm Nelson, Mabatsu's brother.

Verusha. And this is my wife.

I didn't catch your wife's name.

Oh, don't worry about it. She's just a vet.

That one?

Um,

Yvette.

Hey, everyone.

So, I think reset is in order.

And in light of that...

Uh, baby?

I'm really sorry.

I can explain. I really didn't... Don't worry. I'm turning this ship around, but

we're definitely going to talk about this later.

Okay, okay, okay.

So, I know I may not be the picture some of you have in your mind, but I'm hoping

that tonight is a first step to building a new picture together.

This is my first Diwali, and I know from my research that Diwali is supposed to

be about peace, light, and love.

All the good stuff.

So I'd like to propose a toast.

Here's to figuring it out and finding the peace, light, and love together.

Despite tonight and Vashon's surprises, I love him.

And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

I want to be your Terina.

And I refuse to be your Tembi.

So, to family!

Tampy,

you know, the lady your dad dated in his final year.

Aibo, you know, the one that you wanted to marry, but she chose the music life.

So, Uncle Shyam settled with Auntie Karina.

And they live happily ever after.

What? What?

When we met.

You said you weren't seeing anybody.

She meant nothing then, and she means nothing now. You've been hiding this

woman from me. Trina, just... Sham!

So what did I do?

Keys. My keys?

Now. Why my car?

Because I'm not leaving with him.

Trina, just... Mom?

Now she really hates me.

You see?

Keys. Dad!

Not so perfect after all.

Babe, what have you done?

Me? You're the one who... You know what?

Now is not the time.

Gosh, wait.

So,

what would you like to eat?

Toxtel?

Trina!

Trina, please stop!

Trina!

Trina! My body got it all wrong!

Yes, I must have misheard! Trina!

Trina! Trina, stop!

Trina, watch out for those guys!

make me plan a funeral before I plan my wedding.

All because of something that happened years ago. Oh, just shut up, Sham. Shut

up. What do you mean, Sham? I don't want to hear your voice. All our lives were a

lie. I don't want to know. Just stay away from me. Maybe we can sort this out

at home.

Less witnesses.

Home? What home?

The same home that Varshan worked so hard to stay away from.

Hey,

fireworks.

Money well spent.

That's it.

That is it.

Diwali is canceled.

I wanted my first Diwali to be explosive, but this is not what I had in

mind.

Terina.

Terina.

Terina. Hello. So, Chomi, are you the best Makoti the Chetis have ever seen?

More like their worst nightmare.

How soon can you get here?

I need backup.

But what I really need is a miracle.

Mommy, what are you cooking?