Original subtitles

All right, folks,

give it up for the king of all things green,

Hell's

number one clown,

the moneymaker himself,

the Sin we all love most:

Mammon, King of Greed!

Heya, implings!

How are you little cunts doing tonight?

-I hope you're ready

for the best fucking show

you will ever see in your shit lives.

Right. I got tons of really fucking cool shit for you here tonight,

but first, how many of you worthless bitches

want to be big clowns like me someday?

-I do, I do. -Me, me, me, me, me.

Well, I'm happy to announce that I will be starting up

a new yearly clown pageant.

-You know, like one of them

fucked-up beauty contests, but for clowns,

so it's better!

Just for all you aspiring clown kids out there,

a new chance to work with me, Mammon,

and be the new face of my clownish brand.

I can't wait to see all the new talent I can exploit-- U-Um, fuck.

Wait, I mean, enjoy...

uh, watching me grow my empire.

Also, if you're a chick, maybe give up on your dreams now,

'cause I'm not gonna lie, women just ain't funny.

Anyway, my plan is to find the new face of my brand.

Yeah!

So they got to bring the good shit.

The winner will get to be like the son I never had,

and I'll be like the stepdad

-that will love you when it's convenient. -Wow.

You might be a lunch box, an action figure,

Saturday morning cartoon.

Hell, I might even make a sex robot of you. I don't know.

I mean, if we'll make money, sure, but it's not weird.

You're weird, you sick fuck.

And if you say it's exploitation, fuck you.

-It's not exploitation.

If you think that, then you're a dickhead.

-Anyway, clowns!

All right, let's go! Yeah!

All right, I'm gonna say it.

That was too many clowns.

I have to win that pageant someday.

Can you imagine how amazing it would be to get to work with him?

What's the point? Isn't being the star of our imp circus enough?

Plenty of people already know who you are, Fizz.

You don't need to go work for Mammon like some creepy mascot.

It's not about that. It's getting to work with my idol.

I just love that he's giving someone new the chance to be in the spotlight.

He's an inspiration.

Well, he's definitely something, all right.

I mean, I don't know, was it worth all our savings

just to have him put on an overhyped commercial

and then bitch about taxes

and then assault us with clowns, vomit and pass out onstage?

So worth it.

Blitz-o,

do you think I could win if I worked really hard?

I think... I think if anyone's gonna be the new clown face on everything,

it'll be you, Fizz.

Holy shit, you're Fizzarolli.

Oh, man, your stuff is great!

Oh, hey there.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Whoa, oh, okay.

After seeing your shows, I wanted to get into clown performing, too.

-I'm really good!

Hey, aren't you that creep who's always trying to sniff around our dressing rooms?

I have the best idea for a duo performance between us

that should spice up your act.

Picture this:

We start it like a romantic ballroom dance or a--

Dude, weird fucking pitch.

-Fuck off. -I was talking to the clown, asshole.

-I'm sorry, Fizzie.

I'm not normally so aggressive. I promise.

I've just waited my whole life for an opportunity like this.

With your fame and my raw, undiscovered talent,

-I know we can-- -Hey, shit-dick, beat it now

or I'll make you swallow your fangs.

Fizz, you don't want me to leave, right?

-Tell him you don't want me to go. - I...

Um, we have to go now. Thanks, though.

Oh! Fizz.

Fizzarolli!

Fine. Fuck you.

You think you're better than me, you elitist prick?

Your act's fucking trash anyways.

Cheese and hot sauce, Fizz, your fans are something else.

What if my acts are trash?

What if I'm never good enough?

Hey, hey, don't let one asshole get to you, okay?

You're... you are plenty good enough.

But I have to be perfect.

Mm, do you?

I'll just have to keep practicing,

and someday, maybe, I'll be good enough for--

-It's me, Mammon.

And I'm here to announce the amazing new brand,

Fizzie!

We got a Fizzie for every occasion.

We got Fluffy Toy Fizzie,

Fireman Fizzie,

Therapist Fizzie,

Wait-in-Line-for-You Fizzie,

Dr. Fizzie-- beeps every time it senses cancer--

Fat Fizzie, Skinny Fizzie,

so many Fizzies.

And if you want to fuck 'em, you can.

We got Fizzies for the kids,

Fizzies for the teens

and Fizzies for you sick fucking degenerate adults.

We got 'em all.

All based on my new face, Fizzie!

That's me.

-Buy yours now. Do it.

Oh, fuck. Mammon is gonna notice that.

Ozzie, where did my foundation go?

This is the tenth year in a row you've done this stupid pageant, Froggie,

and you win every time.

How come you're always so dead set on this?

I want to make Mammon proud, okay?

He's really passionate about the craft of clown.

He expects perfection, so I got to be perfect.

Fizz, you ain't perfect.

Nobody is.

How about you sit this one out

and let someone else take the spotlight?

You deserve a break.

Or a vacation,

where you don't have to fend off creeps the entire time.

I had to fend off creeps before the robots.

I just have thirstier ones now.

Besides, I just have to do this.

Let me rephrase.

I don't like how many creeps you have now thanks to Mammon.

And I don't like designing sex toys with your likeness for him.

Pretty sure you feel the same.

I just don't think about it.

A toy is a toy.

Look, Oz, I'm fine.

Working for Mammon is a big deal to me.

He's been my idol since I was five.

I can't just not compete.

I'd be letting him down. The fans down.

Mammon can eat my ass.

In a bad way.

Fizz, I've known that guy since the start of Hell,

and he fucking sucks.

Always has.

He doesn't even do clown shit anymore.

I just don't want you doing all this for someone's approval.

Sometimes heroes let you down.

I know, Oz.

But this is for me.

I don't want to lose.

Yello?

Is this Fizz's former bestie then lifelong enemy

then recent hero, now newly rekindled sort of friend Blitzo?

Uh, that is a weird way to put it, but yep, that's me.

This is Asmodeus.

Oh, shit, the big Oz himself.

Is there a reason you're calling me on the weekend,

Your Sin-Sinness?

Sinfulness? Sin...

Royal big man?

You've lived rent-free in Fizz's head for years,

so I can't help feel he values your take on things.

Yeah, I was the one who usually had the stronger opinions.

Yeah, like, like, one time, he tried convincing me

that juggling was cool,

but it's only a little cool, at best.

Look, he's dead set on reentering Greed's yearly clown pageant.

Wow, big fucking surprise there.

I was hoping to have some backup

in convincing him that this thing is a waste of time.

What? Why? Doesn't he always win?

'Cause Mammon is a selfish, manipulative piece of shit.

And Fizz doesn't listen to me when I try to tell him that.

Well, my special skills are killing things without giving fucks

and pointing out people's flaws.

All right, count me in.

-Hup, hup, hey.

-Fuck. - We love you, Fizz!

Ooh, yeah, baby, yeah!

Wow, I have not been to a clown event in years.

Can you remind me why you're here again?

I, uh, invited him,

to help you, with extra security.

You know your fans.

Since I can't be with you, I felt he'd be the next best thing.

He'd be the next best thing?

Well, he kept you safe when I wasn't able to,

so I trust that.

Yes! Yo.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm. Little sus, babe.

Come on, it's just like old times.

I'll make sure no one gives you shit today.

-You mean besides you?

Hey, there he is!

Now, how's my bright, shiny brand baby doing?

Ready to reclaim your win another year? Yeah?

You know it, Mammon, sir.

Good, 'cause, you know,

I saw your competition, and it's pretty stiff, right?

You are gonna have to try extra hard, like fixing that posture.

Not gonna lie, you're looking a bit chungo, yeah?

Maybe lose a few so we don't got to make any more adjustments to the Fizzies.

People like 'em skinny as fuck.

Oh, right, sir. O-Of course.

I'll work on that.

-What? -Oh, and who's this dumpster diver

you got here with you?

Hi. Yes. Nice to meet you.

I'm the one who saw through your fake-ass bullshit

from the day I had to spend all my savings

on the shit-covered dick show you called a performance.

-Thanks for that, by the way.

Ignore him, sir. He's, uh... he's like this all the time.

-He thinks he's funny. -Offended.

Right, yeah, you can shut your cunt-ass mouth, boy.

I'll see you onstage.

And don't forget to fucking smile, Fizzarolli.

The smile is the face people like to see from you!

Wow, that guy sucks so hard.

Look, Blitzo, I don't know why Oz brought you here,

but can you at least not talk back to my boss?

I need this gig.

Why? Don't you have the world's best sugar daddy?

I just need it, okay?

Smile inside and out.

- We love you, Fizz. - We love you, Fizz!

- We love you, Fizz! - Ready for another win, Fizz?

Oh... Well, I don't want to assume,

but as always, I have an act that's without a doubt gonna--

Fucking lose.

Oh, fun.

You gals gonna be competing as well? That's really nice.

You can shut up now, you fugly imp.

Yeah, see, we didn't come to chat.

We came to win.

Wow, what attractive attitudes you got.

Like we care what your opinion is, Fizza... uh...

-Rotty. -Shut up. I was thinking of one.

-Should've been faster. -Whore.

Slow-ass bitch.

You know, it's pretty telling that you snatches can't even keep

your stupid mirror schtick together.

It ain't cute.

We don't need to.

We put our energy towards our performance.

And winning Mammon's favor.

Oh, well, I look forward to seeing what you do,

and may the best clown--

We plan to.

-Win. -Aw, man, I didn't give

a rat's ass about this competition, but Christ on a stick, Fizz,

piledrive those sluts.

We've certainly got some quality up here tonight, folks.

Will Mr. Ten Years Running come out on top,

or is it time for fresh meat?

-♪ Juggling, it's objectively cool ♪

♪ Our returning champ is nobody's fool ♪

♪ But what's this? The twins bring it up to the wire ♪

♪ Also, they're on fire ♪

-♪ That's points for style ♪ -♪ Points for style ♪

-♪ The crowd goes wild ♪ -♪ Crowd goes wild ♪

♪ It's the pie gag and the twins want a taste ♪

♪ But what's this? It's Fizz in the face ♪

♪ He takes the cake and he eats it, too ♪

♪ He's hungry to win and he's covered in goo ♪

♪ That's points for cream, the crowd screams ♪

♪ Ba-ba-balloons, he's pumping them out ♪

♪ From where I'm sitting, you can hear the crowd not give a shit ♪

♪ 'cause the twins are here ♪

-Aha! -♪ They're full of sin ♪

♪ and they're here to win ♪

♪ Holy moly, things are not looking good for Fizzarolli ♪♪

And now, you cunts, we are down to our clowny finalists.

Mammon! Mammon!

My very own pride and joy,

the marketable son I never had,

Fizzarolli.

And the surprisingly funny women act that made me reflect on my earlier statements:

The Glam Sisters!

Now we're gonna have a quick meet and greet with our finalists.

So fork it over, kitties.

You know it's worth it.

Hey, Mammon, uh, I may not be...

-...uh, i-in the right headspace

to interact with the fans right now.

Is it okay if I maybe skip the whole thing?

Of course not.

I just really don't think that I'm really--

-Aw, come on, Fizzie, my boy.

Don't you want to do this for your fans?

Listen to them.

-They're dying to meet you.

Dying to see your little Fizzie face.

You got to make a good impression, mate.

The better the impression,

the more they'll want a piece of you they can take home and fuck.

Don't you want that, Fizzie?

-To be fucked? -Uh, I mean...

no, not really, actually.

Fizzie, I-I'm not gonna lie. I want that.

So come on, just do this one thing for me.

Okay, sir.

Ah, you're a bloody legend, Fizzie.

They're gonna want to fuck you

like you're fucking my heart with joy right now.

Now get out there and make me proud, you stupid little cunt.

Wow, Fizz, you let him talk to you like that?

You got some kind of secret kink I should know about or something?

It's just how he is.

I mean, shit, if he talked to me that way--

It's fine.

Heya, folks, where you from?

Oh, Lust. Love it there, obviously.

Wet Dreamsville? Best pharmacies in Hell.

Ragesburg? Well...

Nice to meet you, partner.

I don't do accents. Fun.

Ah, nice to meet you, too.

Thank you so much for coming to the show.

We love you, Fizz!

Fizz! Fizz! Fizz! Fizz!

I hope you're excited for the big finale!

Boo!

Sellout piece of shit.

Uh, come again?

Ugh, your act is such fucking trash.

Always has been.

Except now, I have to see your smug face

plastered on everything everywhere.

And you can read all about it on my review blog:

Fuck-Fizz-But-Not-In-A-Sexy-Way- dot-complainer-dot-com-dot-org-dot-gov.

Well, anyway, folks...

You're not even a clown anymore.

All you do is work

at that overpriced sleaze joint, and then every year,

you come back here to put us through the same tired old routine.

Is there a single original idea in that head?

I, uh, uh...

-Uh... -You fucking suck,

and so do your products.

Your sex-bots can't even get me off right, you know--

What? Still think you're too good to even talk to me?

Still got to get this chump to stand in for you?

You're fucking pathetic.

To think, what we could've been together

if you hadn't been too up your own ass to listen.

Yeah, one more word out of you, twat-stain,

I'm-a blow your head clean open in front of all these fucking kids.

You're not done with me, Fizzarolli.

Hey, whoa, whoa. You good?

Yeah, mate? You all right, Fizzie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm-I'm fine, yeah.

Tell you what, I'll let the hotties go on before you,

give you some time to get your shit together.

Get your shit together, Fizzie.

You're a bloody legend.

-You're a bloody legend, you bitch.

Oh, shit.

That guy got to you, didn't he?

-You know, you don't have to-- -I do, Blitzo. I do.

Fucking hell, Fizz, this is stupid.

That clown shit is not this important.

This job is!

-Without it, I'll lose-- - Everything.

Seriously, that guy is a fucking dick,

and he's using you for everything

'cause you're likable and he's a fucking trash fire.

No, he's not. He's just trying to make me good enough.

Good enough for what?

♪ Get ready for the new look ♪

♪ New rhythm and a new hook ♪

♪ Not here to cuddle, more like leave you in a puddle ♪

♪ Little double trouble got your boy shook ♪

♪ Ha, ha, here's the sitch ♪

♪ Feed sin with your taxes, greedy greed wins where the cash is ♪

♪ Want to sell my funny, slutty body to the masses ♪

♪ Feeling lonely on a Saturday night ♪

♪ Well, money can't buy happiness ♪

♪ but it can rent you paradise ♪

♪ Give in to temptation ♪

♪ Take your time, I'll be patient ♪

♪ Be my little piggy, let me scratch your dirty itch ♪

♪ I'm a clown, bitch ♪

♪ Fix up your frown, bitch ♪

♪ Give me the crown, bitch ♪

♪ You hear that sound? ♪

♪ You're going down ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a clown, bitch ♪

-♪ Get ready for a...

O-Okay, Fizz, you can do this.

You can do this. You can do this.

It's okay. It's fine.

You have a show to do soon. It's fine.

Oh-oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no...

It's okay. You're fine.

You need to be fine.

- Fizz.

Are you okay?

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

You shouldn't be here, Asmodeus.

-I'm fine, please.

Come on.

Froggie.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Just needed a minute.

You aren't okay. You're shaking.

Oz, I'm about to go on for the finale.

I need some time to mentally prepare.

Fizz, come on. I'm trying to talk to you.

You can't force yourself to--

Oz, I have to do this.

This could be my last chance to prove I'm still good at this.

That it's not over. That I'm still good enough.

It's not just Mammon.

I'm fine. I just need to be better.

You think you need to be this perfect, model performer,

but that's because Mammon is always forcing that image onto you.

But everything I have is because of Mammon.

I have this life. I have security.

I have you.

Without Mammon, I wouldn't be...

I wouldn't have...

I just, I have to win this.

Fizzie.

I don't want to lose,

because I feel like if I lose this, I lose you.

How would you lose me?

Come on, Froggie.

You're with me because of who I am at my best.

I'm barely worthy of working with a King of Sin

'cause this is who I am.

Without all this, I'm just nothing.

And Mammon made me this.

I owe it all to him.

Fizz, Mammon didn't do shit.

You already were this.

You'd be this no matter what.

You are the most inspiring demon I have ever known,

and meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I adore your inventiveness, your attitude, your resilience.

And you're just

-the cutest little thing alive.

Also, you are a way better performer than Mammon ever was,

and that's just facts.

It's-it's hard, you know, to trust that.

I just...

I love you so much, Ozzie.

And I love you, too, Fizzarolli.

And I would whether you win this bullshit or not.

Well, I kind of spent my whole warm-up having a panic attack.

♪ Crooked horn, crooked grin ♪

♪ You're a crooked, horny, freaky little joker ♪

♪ You're a Deadly Sin ♪

♪ And I don't want to hear another goddamn word about ♪

♪ "Win, win, win" ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I think you're messy ♪

♪ But I'm messy, too ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ I wouldn't clean a thing when I ended up with you ♪

♪ I don't know why you waste your time on me ♪

Baby, all I got is time.

♪ When there's so much I'll never be ♪

♪ Holy shit, babe ♪

♪ There's so much you can't see ♪

♪ What can't I see? ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ You're a broken record ♪

♪ Don't you ever shut your crooked little lips? ♪

What do you want me to do with my lips?

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You sure are lucky ♪

♪ You make my crooked heart do freaky little flips ♪

♪ You make my crooked heart ♪

♪ do froggie little flips ♪♪

Ribbit.

You're gonna listen to me now, bitch!

Oh, so you two are an item?

Well, congratulations, you fucking hypocrites.

- Uh, d-don't worry, folks.

I-I'm sure Fizzarolli will be out soon with a grand fucking performance.

-♪ I have wasted time ♪

♪ I have seen my use ♪

♪ I have packaged and sold every part of me ♪

♪ Suffered a lifetime of abuse ♪

♪ I have lost myself ♪

♪ I have worshipped at your feet ♪

♪ And here I am standing on top of the world ♪

♪ with some bitches to defeat ♪

♪ I've played the game, I've won it all ♪

♪ They've screamed my name ♪

♪ They bought the doll ♪

♪ I've seized the day ♪

♪ Now I've got one thing left to say-ay-ay ♪

♪ Fuck you ♪

♪ Here's my two minutes' notice, fuck you ♪

♪ Time to quit and smell the roses ♪

♪ Say goodbye ♪

♪ while I look you in the eye and say, "Fuck you" ♪

Interesting song.

-I wonder what fuckhead this is about. -♪ Fuckity, fuckity, fuckity ♪

-♪ Fuckity you ♪ -It's about you.

-Wait, what? -♪ Fuck you ♪

♪ I have taken shit ♪

-♪ Been crushed under your heel ♪

♪ I have suffered for profit ♪

♪ and suckered for fame ♪

♪ Made a fortune you could steal ♪

♪ I've had enough, I've hit the wall ♪

-♪ I'm tired of taking your calls ♪

♪ It ends today ♪

♪ Now there's just one last thing to say-ay-ay ♪

♪ Fuck you ♪

♪ I wish I'd said it sooner, fuck you ♪

♪ Cut you off just like a tumor ♪

♪ Hope you die ♪

♪ Kiss my ass goodbye, you cuck ♪

♪ Fuck you ♪

♪ Ugh, have you ever felt sick and tired ♪

♪ of doing the same shit every day with your anger brewing? ♪

♪ Eating shit for a boss that you're sick of obeying? ♪

♪ If you ever felt the same, let me hear you say it ♪

♪ Did you really think I was gonna stay ♪

♪ spending life bent over with your fist in my A? ♪

♪ Slander me, say I'll never work in this town ♪

♪ If I stick around, I'll be six more feet under the ground ♪

-♪ Fuck you ♪ -♪ Whoa-oa-oa ♪

-♪ Here's my two minutes' notice ♪ -♪ Suck it, greedy bastard ♪

♪ Fuck you ♪

-♪ You're a fucking ass clown ♪ -♪ Time to quit and smell the roses ♪

♪ Say goodbye ♪

♪ Too late to apologize ♪

♪ So this is it ♪

♪ Mammon, you sad sack of shit ♪

♪ Fuck you ♪

-♪ Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you ♪

-♪ Fuck you ♪ -♪ You bitch ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪

Thank you all so much.

You know, it's always been

one of the greatest thrills of my life performing.

And I'm so glad to bring you all one last show.

'Cause now...

...I quit.

What?

Quit? You miserable piece of shit.

-What do you mean, quit? -I mean I quit. I'm done.

G'day, mate.

Oh, that motherfucker.

You fucking ungrateful little shit!

I gave you everything.

You are practically in my image.

I raised you like the son I didn't want.

You'd better back the fuck up, Mam.

Holy shit, I say, I say.

Look who's acting like a big fucking hero.

Careful what you say, Ozzie.

Wouldn't want your little secret getting out, would we?

I don't care anymore.

-Oz? -Because if you let him quit,

I could tell everyone here that you--

What? That I love him?

Well, I do.

I knew it!

I knew it! I knew it!

Oh, uh, shit.

Ah, you dirty bitch.

You are gonna regret revealing that, Oz.

Mm.

So, does that mean we win?

So, um... who tops?

-♪ I'm a clown, bitch ♪

♪ Fix up your frown, bitch ♪

♪ Give me the crown, bitch ♪

♪ You hear that sound, you're going down ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a clown, bitch ♪

♪ Special occasions splurge on the urge to go make a mistake ♪

♪ Give you a birthday reward if you can afford all this cake ♪

♪ Dollar by dollar, you got me, romance and loving is fake ♪

♪ Max out your expense account, you're paying for a ♪

-♪ clown, bitch ♪ -♪ I'm a clown, bitch ♪

-♪ I'm a clown, bitch, yeah ♪ -♪ Fix up your frown, bitch ♪

♪ Fix up your frown, bitch ♪

-♪ Fix your frown, bitch ♪ -♪ Give me the crown, bitch ♪

♪ Give me the crown, bitch, give me that ♪

-♪ You hear that sound ♪ -♪ Uh ♪

-♪ You're going down ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a clown, bitch ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Give me the crown, bitch ♪

-♪ Ooh ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a clown, bitch ♪♪