Original subtitles

-Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Rise and shine, Ozzie!

Again with the horn?

Don't blame me.

-Blame how fucking fun they are.

M'kay, so today you have a meeting

with the distributor about the new shipment of vibrators.

Then you got to host a safety meeting because of what happened

with the old shipment of vibrators,

and then you have a nooner with Prince Stolas.

You scheduled me during lunch?

Well, you're pretty good at squeezing things in.

But I left time for a big old breakfast.

Let me guess, I'm handling that, too?

I mean, unless you want me to take a crack at cooking again?

No. Never again.

What? Maybe I could burn the milk this time.

Stop.

Oh, you know what I'm craving? Burgers.

No. It's too early for burgers, you maniac.

Burger time! Burger time! Burger time!

Yeah, yeah, I know. I can pick up some more while I'm out today.

About that...

You're still going to that contest rehearsal?

Without me?

Well, y-you have a packed day today,

and I know you aren't big on the whole Mammon thing, so...

It's the Greed Ring.

One of the cities is literally called Ransom.

Ah, you worry too much.

You know I ain't afraid of ropes.

'Sides, I'm slippery.

I mean, only after I...

-What? -What?

Come on, Oz. I can be on my own one day.

But you haven't been to the Greed Ring alone

since becoming Mam's big grand-figure.

Yeah, I guess, but it's not like I'm gonna stick around.

-I can get you an escort. -Ugh! I can handle it!

Come on, big daddy.

Pwease?

Well, you know I can't say no to a face that cute.

Mm-hmm. That's why I use it.

Just try to stay out of trouble, Fizzie-frog.

-Ah, stop it. -No.

Oz, I have the new shipment of--

You mind?

Trying to have an un-emotional bang sesh here.

Yeah, 'cause we're so not in love.

Yeah, love is stupid.

-Whew. That was close, huh?

Just come right back when it's over, and keep your phone on you, okay?

Got it right here.

Be right back after.

Don't worry, Oz, I'll be super low-key.

Nobody will notice me.

Whoa!

Whoa, girls, girls!

Man, it's great not being in the spotlight for once.

Look, lady, it's not my fault

if you only know how to make coffee that tastes like piss.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

-Oh, wow. Looky who it is. -Oh, fuck. You again.

Stalking me now, huh?

Oh, don't fucking flatter yourself, clown.

I have my own life, you know, without you in it.

Uh-huh, sure, Blitz-o.

The "O" is silent now, bitch.

And gee whiz, we've been in each other's relative vicinity

twice in the last 15 years.

That would make me the shittiest stalker in history!

Twice

is already way too much.

Yeah? Well, at least I'm still actually working for my shit

and not getting everything handed to me like some pampered attention whore.

Yeah, well, guess that's what resilience and talent gets you.

Plus, my horns were always bigger than yours.

Weren't they?

So, you say you're good?

'Cause we really need a big score right now.

The best, had a royal on the ropes just last week.

-Sure, but not dead? - It was...

...called off.

But I have a body count in the hundreds.

I ain't afraid to go after anyone. Women, kids,

and cute, little-faced puppy-looking things.

-Don't matter. -Hmm.

I'll tell you what.

If you can deliver something of value.

I'll consider it.

One moment.

Hired.

Funny to run into you again, Blitzy.

And with a famous friend.

Aw, fuck me.

For the record, we are not friends.

Larger, you can never be too large.

You can never be too large.

You hit the spot right there, that's good.

I like-- I like that. That's good. Mm.

♪ ♪

Stolas. Hey, there, birdy babe.

Haven't seen you since you crashed my club. How you been?

Still getting your kink on with that feisty imp?

Well, um, that's actually what I'm here about. You see,

I, um, seem to have found myself

with feelings for him, and I'm not sure

-if it's a mutual thing. -Well, I can tell you,

if you're looking for a love potion, you came to the wrong fucking guy.

I don't fuck with that artificial bullshit.

Lust shouldn't be about force.

It's an art.

To be earned and enjoyed.

It's all about that journey

to Pleasure Town.

You feel me?

-Oh. No. Never.

Never that. I just... You see...

This imp has a business he runs.

He needs to access the mortal realm to carry out his work.

I know your demons are some of the only ones who can traverse freely and legally.

I was wondering if you could assist me in

finding a way he could, too?

Oh. Hmm. Stolas,

my heart bleeds for you, but my partner--

uh, business partner, Fizzarolli--

hates your imp guy. Blitz-o, right? Yeah.

Hates...

He does? But why?

Not my story to tell, but trust me,

I would help if I could,

but I can't. Sorry.

Hello, Asmodeus.

You don't know me, but you don't need to.

All you need to know is I have your little jester here with me.

If you want him back alive, you will give me exactly what I want.

Do you have any idea who you are fucking with?

I think it's a recording.

You probably just asked if I know who I'm dealing with,

and, oh, yes, I know.

The weakest and most non-threatening of the sins.

The king who will do whatever it takes

to save the worst-kept secret in all of Hell.

We both know you won't risk anything happening to the clown,

so be a good little bitch boy and do the thing.

My lawyers will be over shortly with the contract of demands.

You have until the witching hour to sign it.

Now cut.

I said cut it, you fuckin' moron--

Oh, chill out, jester.

Christ on a stick, it's like you've never been tied up before.

Sure, but not by a bunch of psychos

and a piece of shit.

Am I-- Okay.

Okay, am I the psycho or the piece of shit?

-Both. -Yeah, that checks.

How is this happening?

I was just supposed to grab some gas station milk

and rehearse some juggling.

Oh, relax, I'm sure your big royal chicken

ain't gonna let anything happen to his peppy lil' fuck doll.

Oh, playing that card, huh? Okay. What about you?

Seems your tastes have gotten more.... regal, lately?

Yeah, well, unlike you, I fuck who I want when I want.

I'm not gonna be tied down to some big blue-blood asshole.

You could've fooled me, the way Princey was cozying up to you at Ozzie's.

Hey. Stolas only cares about having a rugged peasant

raw-dog him into his mattress.

It's nothing... you know...

It's nothing else.

Then why were you even there?

Other very important reasons, of course.

Whatever, I don't actually care.

I mean, Stolas is just a loud, thirsty bitch

who loves feeling the thrill of getting dicked by the lower class.

It's a novelty to him.

Literally just said I don't care.

And then, he'll call me and try and see how my day was

and he'll pretend to care about me and comment on my photos

and laugh at my jokes.

Oh, well, that's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit.

I know, right?

He's just a fake privileged asshole.

Sounds like you just hate him for being a prince.

Because no one-- and I mean no one--

pretends to care that much just for a cheap lay.

Point is...

royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us.

They're all the fucking same.

Thats not... a-always true.

But I guess you're right.

They can't all be the same if some have taste

and some want to fuck you.

Can we talk about something other than my sex life?

Satan's taint, does fucking that Lust guy make this what you're all about now?

-You brought it up, asshole.

Would you two shut the fuck up already?

Bicker like a couple of teen skanks.

As far as I'm concerned,

you two are both embarrassments to our kind

for meddling with blue-bloods to begin with.

But at least loud-mouth here has the sense to only fuck his rich bitch

instead of being a little purse dog.

Oh, great, the fucking supremacist is on my side. Wonderful.

Neither of you filth-bags know what you're even talking about.

If you think you're superior to anyone, then you are no better than any royal.

Don't you dare

-finish that sentence, clown. -Hey, hick-for-hire.

I said watch 'em, not fuck 'em.

Keep your hands off the merchandise.

Ever heard of mouthwash,

fuck-face!?

Can I just sign it already? Like, can we move this along?

Sire, you need to know the contents of this contract. You can't just sign it.

A deal made with a sin like yourself would be everlastingly binding.

Perhaps I can look it over. I'm a fast reader.

Oh. Hmm.

This is a contract giving Crimson all of Ozzie's factory assets

and giving him permission to use Fizzarolli's head for a wall decoration.

Wait, what?

Just making sure you're paying attention.

Here's the real contract.

Ooh! This will be fun. I love words.

You know, you're really bad at this.

Hm... You know, last time I checked,

I was a fucking jester, not an escape artis--

I just want to go home.

Hmm. You want me to get you out?

Y-Y-Yes.

You had a knife this whole time?

Now stop bitching while I work this.

Ah, bingo.

-So what now, genius? -See that remote?

-I mean, I could stretch down there. -No.

-I have a better idea.

Keep it down. I'm shooting 8 ball over here.

The fuck's going on?

Shut the fuck up. Oh, fuck me.

Well.

That didn't--

Show-off.

The fuck? Get them!

- Come on.

This usually works.

Goddamn it.

Fuck.

What the fuck, Fizz?

How is someone this flexible this useless in combat?

I'm a performer. I sing, I dance,

I promote products that I don't actually use.

-I don't do danger. -Well, good to know

-you're still a wimpy circus puss.

I'd give you a comeback, but that'd imply I give a shit what you think.

You always cared what I thought.

After what you did to me?

I didn't do anything. It was an accident.

An accident? Are you kidding me?

You always had it out for me because people liked me better.

You wanted me gone because you were jealous.

Just wanting the spotlight. I looked up to you.

I thought you were my best friend. You ruined my life.

And then you just left me.

I lost so much because of you.

And you selfish piece of shit, you didn't even care.

I did care!

It was an accident. It was.

Okay, you're right, it was all my fault, okay?

I-I should've done more to help. I was, I was trying.

There was so much going on.

I was trying to get help, Fizz.

I just...

It was still my fault.

Glad you could admit it. Want a medal?

Look, I'm sorry, Fizz.

I am so sorry that you got so hurt.

I'm sorry for what you lost, and I-I know I can never make that right.

But you have no idea what I lost in that fire.

I mean, it's-it's all my fault.

I-I'd hate me, too.

I mean, I do hate--

Shit!

So why didn't you try to tell me any of this?

Or come see me? Even once would've been fine.

I tried. You were all I had left, Fizz.

But they told me you didn't want to see me.

I never told them that.

Bullshit. You didn't?

No. And no one told me you came.

Oh...

Whoa! Christ on a stick!

Trying to have a fucking emotional moment here.

- Okay, so, I believe this draft

allows for some factory ownership, specifically located in the Greed Ring,

with allocated funds going to your client for the foreseeable future,

while ensuring the safe return of one Fizzarolli.

Yeah, sure, sounds good. Now, let me just re-read this.

Hurry up!

Yelling won't make me read faster.

Look, misunderstanding or no,

it's hard to just forgive you.

It's been 15 years and....

that's so much time.

But...

...I guess you didn't really ruin my life.

What, you're telling me getting blown up didn't ruin your life?

It was painful-- hah!--

and challenging, and, you know,

fuck you, still, but...

it's not like I'm broken, and I now have

someone who understands me and--

Fuck you. My life has actually been pretty great.

Yeah, that's lovely.

You got a good thing going on

with that horny rooster fucker, don't you?

Oh, yeah, it's been... fantastic.

Uh, 'cause, you know, it's a great gig and-and...

and he's got the biggest cock.

You know? Like, massive.

I mean, imagine like... the biggest,

just a giant, huge, like a kaiju,

but it's a cock, you know what I mean?

Like a big, monster...

-It's big. It's huge. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it.

Yeah, I'm happy for you, Fizz.

If you want to prove yourself, cowboy,

here's your chance.

You been a pain in my ass long enough, Blitzo.

Now, I'm gonna break you like a fucking horse.

Oh, don't you dare talk sexy to me.

You're still on the horse thing?

-Fizz.

Remember how you used to distract my dad so I could steal his booze?

-I mean, yeah. Why? -Yeah, well,

I need to get up to that window there to bust us out.

Oh.

One distraction, coming up.

♪ When I was a young boy ♪

♪ I never thought it'd come to this ♪

♪ The scars all seem to heal ♪

♪ and soon all I feel is regret ♪

♪ And now I'm a grown man ♪

♪ I've lost it all again ♪

♪ But what I'll miss the most ♪

♪ Pay close attention while you get a look at ♪

♪ this, yeah, look at this ♪

♪ Then look at that ♪

♪ Hey, hey, here's a hat ♪

♪ This nonsense mostly doesn't mean a thing ♪

♪ But listen closely, maybe it explains everything ♪

♪ The secret to Bitcoin ♪

♪ Computers and microchips ♪

♪ The key to the future ♪

♪ if you only look at this ♪

♪ Riches untold, you'll have dollars and gold ♪

♪ if you focus on me as the story unfolds ♪

♪ Look at this, I hold the key to the mystery ♪

♪ Look at this, look at nothing except for me ♪

♪ Look at this ♪

♪ That was gibberish ♪

♪ Blitz-o, hurry the fuck up ♪

♪ I don't know how long I can do this...

I'm gonna need another 60 seconds.

Aw, fuck.

♪ Okay, the thing I'm trying to say ♪

♪ I will say if you look this way ♪

You know, it's-it's, uh...

♪ just as, uh, Nonna Fizzarolli used to say ♪

♪ Lasagna ♪

♪ Contorni, limoncello, forte piano ♪

♪ Buongiorno a la vongole ♪

♪ Luigi, Firenze, Bucatini ♪

♪ Cinghiale, cinghiale ♪

♪ So look at this ♪

♪ Please look at this ♪

♪ I am running out of places I can take this bit ♪

♪ so look at this, look at my face ♪

♪ I regret every event that got me in this place ♪

♪ This little song is driving me insane ♪

♪ My exhaustion is audible, now the ending is probable ♪

♪ 'cause this ruse is impossible to maintain ♪

♪ So fucking bye-bye ♪♪

You know, you're actually pretty good at this action hero bullshit.

And you really know how to put on a show,

which is almost as impressive

as the thing you said I was good at.

I guess, royal jesters first?

Get your fucking shit-stain claws off him.

You think I'm just gonna let you get away after all this?

I'm through losing these fights.

This worthless little pet reeks of his over-bloated master.

I'll at least enjoy getting rid of him.

Okay, is it bad that I'm getting hard?

Shut the fuck up.

Why is it always a sex thing?

Fizz!

-You blew me up again, you fucking prick. -I did.

But this time, I stuck around.

Would it fuck up the moment if we made out right now?

That's it! I'm going to fucking end your life.

Fizzie.

Ozzie!

Oh, Oz, I missed you.

Mm. Get fucked, little one.

Oh, my Satan!

I'm so glad you're okay, babe.

You ain't never leaving the palace without protection again.

- Oz,

-you know there's eyes around. -I know. I don't care.

'Cause they know if they tell anyone, I'll break them.

- Well, don't worry.

Today, I learned that I hate going outside.

You won't have to again.

I'm sorry I got a little messy.

You don't need to apologize for getting banged up, babe.

I'm just sorry I couldn't be there.

It's okay, Oz.

Guess I'm just not used to this kind of thing.

-It's been an intense day.

Just take it easy, okay?

Oh, its fine. I'm fine, really. You know I bounce back fast.

Whoa.

So, besides my whole scary hostage thing, how was your day?

Well, I was stuck with Stolas the whole time, who...

...by the way, asked me

to give him one of my crystals as a gift for that guy you hate.

So, I told him no.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Eh. Fuck it. Let him have it.

Excuse me?

Yeah, why not?

You could say he earned it.

All right, then.

♪ Anything for you ♪♪

Now, I don't know about you,

but having a violent brush with crime

has given me a whole mess of new kinks.

You want to go... make a mess?

-You really think that's

a good idea right now, Fizz?

Sure, don't you?

Well... obviously.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, cuddle, meow...