Original subtitles

Fuck, I love this song.

♪ You were a spicy little, uh, demon ♪

♪ With the-the bleached blonde hair ♪

♪ Fiending for that semen ♪

♪ When I caught your stare ♪

-♪ Thought it could be love, but...

What? Holy shit fuck.

Oh, you suck for life, do you?

Listen up, you unoriginal pink condom,

you have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot.

Oh, shit. Verosika?

Blitzo.

I should've known you'd be here.

I could smell fish for miles, which is odd,

because I believe the nearest ocean is...

three rings down.

And I should've known you'd be here when I heard the AMBER Alerts.

Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass out of rehab.

I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that Beelze-juice bottle

like it's the last cock in hell.

They let me out because I'm still famous,

and rehab is for sad loser washups.

So your sister says hi.

Why are you parking here?

This is the only parking spot my company has,

so take your tampon race car somewhere else.

Actually, prick, it has my name on it.

I'm doing a bit of freelance

for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building...

-No way. -...and they wanted to have me come in this week

to lead their team during spring break.

A week? No, no, you are not parking here for a fucking week.

Aww, you mad, Blitzo?

You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room,

-steal their car and run three rings to wrath -And run three rings to wrath

-and max my credit cards -and max out your credit card

-on shitty horse riding lessons? -on shitty horse riding lessons?

Goddamn it, whore, you will not let that go.

Choke on a sandpaper cock.

Hold on. You better move that pussy wagon

-right now, or I'm gonna--

You'll what?

Or I'll, um, uh, I-I'll call HR.

Anyway. Meet my new hellhound Vortex.

Unlike you, he actually does his job well.

Ta-ta, fuck stain.

Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that.

-You know Verosika Mayday? -Huh?

Oh, yeah, her. Yeah, we dated.

Was it before or after she became a pop star?

You dated a pop star?

Okay, why are you all acting like that's such a shock?

Hello? It's Verosika Mayday?

It's you?

I just... is she blind?

Suffering some form of brain damage?

Okay, look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be.

I don't pry into your stupid personal lives.

-You do that all the time, sir. -You kind of do that. -You totally do that.

What was sex with her like?

-Millie. -What? It's a pop star.

You'd want to know what sex with Michael Crawford was like.

-Touché.

Okay, look, let's just drop it.

Millie, just, find a temporary spot for that truck, okay?

Loony, Moxie, let's go handle this shit.

Do you think they saw me?

Fuck, I did my makeup shitty today.

Aww, you look perfect, Loony.

Like always.

Shut up, Da... Ugh, Blitz.

Oof. Oh.

Whoa.

Hi, big man.

Where's your bitch bag of an employer?

She's in her office.

There wasn't room on the second floor, so they rented one here on this one.

-Cheaper. -Oh, come on!

Sorry, man.

Oh, no, you don't, bitch.

Sir, how about you let me go in and try to reason with her?

I don't really listen to what's classified as "pop genre" music,

so her status to me is...

-derivative of-- -Moxxie, shut the fuck up.

All righty, then.

Hello, Ms. Verosika, was it?

I work for IMP,

and it is actually rather important for us

to retain the singular parking space we were assigned because--

Aww, look at the little one.

He's got a little bow tie.

Please don't condescend me, ma'am, I--

Want a kissy, little guy?

A kind offer, but I'm married.

Hey, why don't you send a little message

from me back to your limp-dick boss?

- Don't touch that! -Moxxie, don't let her access

any of your holes.

I-I got to go lie down now.

Oh, this won't stand.

All right, cunt, that's it!

If you're gonna be shitty to my employees,

then I challenge you to a fucking challenge.

Fuck, I said that twice.

Mm, is this imp boy starting a demon duel?

I think he is.

What's the game, then, Blitzo?

Every year, you STD spreaders go up topside for easy pickings.

Well, spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds.

So, I bet you succu-bitches can't fuck

as many people as we can off by the end of the day.

Oh. You're serious.

Game on. Bitch.

All right, shut your assholes.

Here's how we're gonna do this shit.

First, we find a fuck ton of clients.

We portal up, we have our fun murder time as per usual.

We pile all the bodies into a big fucking canoe.

We push said canoe into some water.

We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles and shit.

-Maybe a goose, too. Fuck it.

They come and eat the bodies, we win the bet,

we rub it in that sloppy bitch's drunken whore-ass face.

-Do you have any questions?

Uh, yeah. Why was that nonsense?

-That wasn't a question. -That wasn't a plan.

I'm sorry, but that was

a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox.

It's not my fault you've got a smooth little brain upstairs.

-A what, now? -I'm calling you slow, Moxxie.

God, why don't you learn to take criticism,

you talentless, baby-dicked troll?

Well, why don't you take an art class?

Why don't you see how expensive they are?

Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?

Absolutely not, I forbid it.

Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie.

Spring break is no place for young, vulnerable goth girls.

You know the kind of freaks up there

who'd drool all over you.

Well, I can blend in with humans easy enough.

-Just let me tag along. -Wait.

-Say that again. -I can blend in?

Do you have a human disguise?

Yeah, don't you?

You three have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time

without human disguises?

Okay, new plan.

Loony can help lure the humans to us,

and we'll take care of the rest.

Okay? How about that?

Flawless logic.

I think you're missing the biggest issue, sir.

Isn't it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet?

We aren't just going up to massacre.

I've got that covered, Mox.

Now we wait.

Sir, there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day

with one horribly spelled, bad-grammar flyer.

Now, who's first?

Now remember, we can't be seen, all right?

And loose shots will likely cause a panic,

so Loona can help with leading targets to a better spot to off them.

You got the list, Loony?

Got it.

Wow, Loony, look at you.

You look downright awful.

I am so proud.

-Now fetch.

That's nine kills in the bag.

I'd like to see that whaley snatch orgasm that many--

All right, spring breakers.

Ya'll ready to get fucked up and make some bitchin' bad choices?

Verosika!

This is your final boarding call.

-All aboard.

♪ Pack your bags ♪

♪ Sun's out ♪

♪ Take a vacay, babe ♪

♪ Take it straight to Bonetown ♪

♪ V-time, free time, baby, relax ♪

♪ Self-care, no hair ♪

♪ Brazilian wax ♪

♪ Hornt-up succu-bus ♪

♪ To the beach ♪

♪ Catch some rays while catching some D...

Goddamn it. That bitch started her goatish mating call.

Now she's gonna win all these sex maniacs.

We got to pick things up, guys.

-Is he on the list, Loony? -Huh?

Yeah, I-I think so.

-♪ Take it straight to Bonetown... - Good.

Uh, whoa, what are you?

A leprechaun?

Yeah. Pretty cool, huh?

But you sure as shit ain't gonna tell nobody.

All right, next one, Loony, come on.

Loony? Wait, where...

Wha... wha...

-W-Where's my baby? -Look.

♪ Holes out, how does it smell? ♪

♪ Pack your bags ♪

♪ Sun's out ♪

♪ Take a vacay, babe ♪

♪ Take it straight to Bonetown ♪♪

Now, who wants a piece of this?

Hey, you.

Oh, hey.

You're the hound working for my boss's freaky ex.

Yeah.

Sorry if that's weird.

It's cool. Her beef ain't mine.

I'm not paid enough to care.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm Loona.

Okay.

I'm Vortex!

-That's hot.

I mean, like, literally, you know?

'Cause vortexes, you know, they give off heat.

Probably. Right?

Uh, yeah.

I guess.

But my friends call me Tex.

Oh, yeah? I wish I had friends.

I mean... No, I mean, I don't, I-I...

I... I don't have friends.

Am I interrupting something?

Nah, man, just having a conversation.

Conversation leads to HPV.

And we've lost him.

It's looking like it's up to us to handle this list.

Hell yeah.

Team M&M is getting shit done.

Making the money.

Blitz, get the fuck out of here.

You're gonna get us all into shit.

I just wanted to see what was so important

that you'd be distracted from your job.

What, I can't have a break?

We have a parking spot on the line.

Hey, dude, why don't you chill out?

Why don't you stay out of it?

Okay? This is our business.

Literally.

Fuck, Blitz.

Why can't you stay out of my face for, like, five minutes?

Because I adopted you.

And that should mean something.

Oh, what does it matter?

You're not my real dad.

I was almost 18.

It still counts.

Well, it shouldn't. I didn't need you then, asshole.

I don't now.

Whoo! Yeah!

Party! Let's go, man!

Ew.

Oh, my God, it's a fucking possum.

-Oh, crumbs. - I got it.

Whoo! Shove the possum in the keg.

-Possum beer baby, beer possum. -Whoo! All right!

Ready to get fucked up.

- Let's do it.

We're gonna get so fucked!

Uh, Blitz? I'm--

Enjoy your break, Loony.

I'm gonna go kill something.

-Damn, girl. That was savage.

-You okay? -Yeah, I'm fine.

He'll get over it. He always does.

I'm glad you can stick up for yourself, at least.

Mm. Takes guts.

Thanks.

- Moxxie!

Millie!

Hi.

Hey, hey, when did you get four heads?

I want to kiss them.

Ooh.

Fish.

Whee....

I love that woman.

Ugh, she totally pegs you, doesn't she?

Ooh, yeah.

Way to show off, Mills.

Is Mox okay?

-Oh, yeah. He's fine.

- This is funny.

I'm so... drinky.

Okay, this is too wholesome for my liking.

Blitzo?

Oh, perfect.

That must be the whores.

That was handled rather... obvious, don't you think?

I don't think this belonged to any of us.

Would be a shame if anyone found out

you guys were behind a giant monster fish

in the human world.

Oh, Satan...

...you'd all be so fucked.

Yeah, well, you three nasty-ass gremlins

will be in shit for not being in disguises.

A human called me a possum.

I am not a possum.

You know,

we could keep this little B movie scene on the down-low

if you agree to let us use that parking space.

Fine.

We fucking won!

Fuck yes!

In your face, bitch!

Come on.

Let's get out of here. Tex.

Well, guess it's time to bounce.

But hey, if you're ever down to party,

I'll give you a ring sometime.

Really? I mean...

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, my girlfriend throws a ton of crazy hound parties.

Nice.

Can't wait for my first one.

Let's get you some friends, girl.

Come on, Loony Toony.

Let's go back and park our fat fucking car

in our fat fucking space.

Put your hands up,

you sick deviants!

All right, sluts, get ready to suck a lot of pig dick.

♪ Lit me on fire, made me watch rom-coms ♪

♪ Made a secret sex tape and showed it to my mommy ♪

♪ You were a bitch kind of generally ♪

♪ Now I'm a wet wild stallion and I'm running free ♪

♪ You stepped on my nuts and you tore me apart ♪

♪ You slapped up my booty and you tangled my farts ♪

♪ You cut off my dick when you shattered my heart ♪

♪ But it grew back twice as large ♪

♪ Mustang dong ♪♪

Oh, my God.

I just went through puberty twice.