Original subtitles

Mommy, Daddy!

Via's calling us, Stella.

You get up.

Via, what troubles you, my owlette?

Daddy, Daddy.

I had a dream. A really bad dream.

A nightmare.

I was looking all over the palace, and I couldn't find you anywhere.

You weren't there!

There, there, Via. It's okay.

You're okay.

When you're scared and you don't know where I am,

you must remember, no matter what happens to me,

I will never be far away from my special little starfire.

♪ It always seems more quiet ♪

♪ in the dark ♪

♪ It always feels so stark ♪

♪ how silence grows under the moon ♪

♪ Constellations gone so soon ♪

♪ I used to think that I was bold ♪

♪ I used to think love would be fun ♪

♪ Now all my stories have been told ♪

♪ except for one ♪

♪ As the stars start to align ♪

♪ I hope you take it as a sign ♪

♪ that you'll be okay ♪

♪ Everything will be okay ♪

♪ And if the seven rings collapse ♪

♪ although the day could be my last ♪

♪ you will be okay ♪

-♪ When I'm gone, you'll be okay ♪

♪ And when creation goes to die ♪

♪ you can find me in the sky ♪

-♪ upon the last day ♪

♪ And you will be okay ♪♪

I can't believe you slept with an imp!

-In our fucking bed!

It was unexpected. I didn't have time to go to a motel.

A motel? Like a fucking plebian?

-♪ My world is burning down around me ♪♪

You want to fuck this one, too?

No. Of course not.

You are a goddamn embarrassment.

I'm not spending another moment looking at your pathetic imp-sucking face!

-Your fucking face or your useless dick!

Good morning, Octavia.

Did you sleep well, my owlette?

Is that a serious question?

-Mm-hmm. What's that you're listening to?

This song is called "My World Is Burning Down Around Me."

It's by Fuck You, Dad. It's a band.

Oh! How charming.

Are you two done screaming for the day?

Um...

You know what I haven't done in a long, long time?

I haven't taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell.

Why don't we go to Loo Loo Land?

I'm not five anymore.

You always were so happy when I took you to Loo Loo Land.

What do you say we go there again? Have a day, just the two of us?

I'd rather kill myself.

There we go. Anything but staying in this house.

Now, I'll arrange our security.

Security for a theme park?

We're rich and we're hot.

People want our money and our bodies.

-Our money, maybe. -Speak for yourself, princess.

Now, I'm calling the only man who can f-- me.

- What? -Who can protect me. Us.

Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know.

Oh, Blitzo, you're such a good boss.

Yeah, I really want you, sir.

Me, too.

Let's three-way.

-What?!

Why, hello, my big-dicked Blitzy.

-What-- -The--

-Fuck-- -Dad!

Language, everyone.

I have a special request.

Ugh, look, I just had a chemical peel,

so you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ass.

It's for my daughter.

Ah, well, make sure she washes it.

Oh! No. No, no, no.

I'm taking my daughter to Loo Loo Land,

and I was hoping you brave little imps would accompany us.

We're assassins, not bodyguards, okay?

Don't invite us to shit unless someone's gonna die.

- I'll pay you. -Pay me what?

- Money. -Done!

-M and M, get in here.

We're going to Loo Loo Land.

-Loo Loo Land? -Loo Loo Land?

Loo Loo Land.

Shut the fuck up!

Now, remember, this is work and work only.

Me and my crew are not here to satisfy

your perverted bird needs, all right?

Hey, Dad, do we have to--

Okay, uh, hold on right there, sweetie.

If you try fucking my little ass in that park, I swear to--

You are so cute when you are serious.

I'm literally gonna be sick.

Oh, crumbs, I knew today would be a lot. What do you need?

Antacids? Ibuprofen? Morphine?

That was figurative, old man.

Oh, right.

But she said it was literal.

Wow! I haven't been to this place

since I was a tot.

It hasn't changed a bit.

Oh, look!

It's Big Woobly.

That is deeply upsetting.

Oh, come on, it's fun. You've never been here?

No, theme parks always disturb me.

Especially the mascots.

-Well, hey there.

I'm Loo Loo.

Welcome to Loo Loo Land.

If y'all get hurt here, just try and sue us.

Look, Via. It's Loo Loo.

I have a question.

Well, ask away, li'l girlie.

Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off

of Lucifer's far more popular Lu Lu World?

No.

This place reeks of insecure corporate shame.

Why don't we go check out the rides?

That chick's creepy, huh?

Yeah, wait till her dad tries to diddle your holes.

-What's that mean? -Don't talk to me!

I know you're a pervert under there.

Yeah.

You really like this place, huh?

I love this place!

My parents would bring me and my siblings here

when they could swing it, money-wise.

Yeah, the prices do seem rather criminal.

I mean, that much for a novelty cup that you use one time?

'Cause it's Loo Loo Land!

Listen to your ho, Mox.

How about I take the first watch

while you two have a little fun?

Oh! We got to do my favorite ride.

Oh, yeah? Wh-Which one?

Oh, crumbs.

You know, it's quite thrilling to see you on the job, Blitzy.

Save it, bitch. I'm working.

You both need to get a room.

Hey, I am not a day hooker.

What? I just said I'm not one, prude.

Oh, look, Via!

You used to cry such tears of joy at this show.

Oh, no.

I hate that fucking clown.

Oh, Blitzy. I need my bodyguard, please.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, implings, it's me, the robotic FizzaRolli,

shipped from Big Ozzie's factory to bring you a wonderful show

celebrating Loo Loo Land, spelled with O's to avoid lawsuits.

-Hit it!

♪ Loo Loo Land, Loo Loo Land ♪

♪ Everybody sing along with the Loo Loo band ♪

♪ Every boy, every girl, every woman, every man loves Loo Loo Land ♪

♪ Loo Loo Land, Loo Loo Land ♪

♪ Everything is beautiful in Loo Loo Land ♪

♪ Ugly children holding hands ♪

♪ in Loo Loo Land ♪

♪ Everybody's friendly ♪

♪ and nobody's mean ♪

♪ No copyright infringements ever seen ♪

-♪ I have a dream ♪ - ♪ He has a dream ♪

-♪ I'm here to tell ♪ - ♪ He's here to tell ♪

♪ About a magical fantastic place called Loo Loo Land ♪♪

Hello, hello.

Step right up and win a thing.

Oh, look, Moxxie.

A thing!

Oh, you like that thing?

Yes! I don't really know what that thing is,

but I want that thing.

Ah, finally some... thing I can handle.

Okay. One game, please.

Oh, strike one, little man.

But I hit it.

Hmm, I don't know what to tell you, buddy.

The target, see, it didn't go down.

So, yeah, no-go, bro.

The Heaven's wrong with this thing?

Oh, man, a real shame, I tell you.

Wha, wha.

Another!

♪ Sing along with the Loo Loo band ♪

♪ Every boy, every girl, every woman, every man loves Loo Loo Land ♪♪

-How delightful.

-Oh, my.

What good aim you have, Blitzy.

Ugh! I can't do this anymore.

Wait, eh... Octavia!

Whoa! Is that Blitz-o my sensors spot up there?

I guess the kiddies are still running away from you, huh?

The "O" is silent now.

Aw, just like your audience always was

when you tol-told your lazy jokes here.

Bitch, I make more money killing people than you do

being a cheap-ass robo rip-off of an overrated sellout jester.

Oh, someone's salty.

Real or not, though, people love me.

Does anybody love you...

Blitz-o?

No. But I'm really good with guns now.

Dance, bitch.

Ow! Fuck me!

Torches. I say, I say, get your inconvenient torches here.

Ow! I say ow!

Wow! Man, you're really starting to make this sad.

You know, if you suck, you suck.

Guess you won't win your honey here a prize.

Let me try.

Oh, look at that. Lucky shot, baby.

Are you kidding me? You- you-you charlatan.

Hey, uh, get lost, pip-squeak.

I'm talking to the lady.

Ow!

- Sir? -Oh, hey guys.

You should probably go, uh, make sure Stolas is okay.

I've got some unfinished business to take care of.

Oh, what a mouth.

-Goddamn it, Nathan!

You ruined another bloody photo!

Why were you even born?

-Octavia? - Just leave me alone.

-Octavia!

Um, I think I'm supposed to be bodyguarded right now.

Ugh, that's better. Uh, where is Blitzy?

He's my knight in shining armor, not you littler ones.

He's, uh… busy.

Being a fool.

What kind of fool?

The "everything is now on fire" kind.

Octavia.

I take it you are… not having fun.

I didn't even want to come here.

I'm sorry, sweetie, I… I thought you loved it here.

When I was a kid and my parents didn't hate each other

and my dad didn't flirt with some weird red dickhead the entire time.

I'm sorry, Via. I'm sorry for everything happening right now.

I know it's a lot. I... I should've listened.

I just want to go home.

But home doesn't even feel like home anymore.

You ruined it.

You need to understand, your mother and I...

I just... I felt…

She's always been... I haven't been...

We weren't in, uh…

I'm sorry, I-I-I don't have the words.

Are you gonna run off with him?

And leave me behind?

Go away where I can't find you?

What? No.

No, no, never.

I'd never do that. Never.

I think it's time to leave this place. You were right.

You are too old for it anyway.

So, what would you like to do now?

Oh, can we go to Stylish Occult?

They sell weird taxidermy there.

-Hmm, okay.

Thanks, Dad.

You're okay sometimes.

Thank you, Via. Thank you.

Way to ruin another good thing, sir.

Worth it.

That slutty toy clown had it coming.