Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,324 --> 00:00:13,393
- What the hell?
- How does this even happen?
2
00:00:13,426 --> 00:00:15,361
- Single puncture wound
to the abdomen.
3
00:00:15,394 --> 00:00:16,605
We need to stop
this bleeding ASAP.
4
00:00:16,629 --> 00:00:19,232
- Don't help me.
Help the dummy.
5
00:00:19,265 --> 00:00:20,967
Make sure he's okay.
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,170
- I'm-I'm just gonna grab it.
7
00:00:24,203 --> 00:00:26,172
- Never move an injured person.
8
00:00:26,205 --> 00:00:27,340
- He's right.
9
00:00:27,373 --> 00:00:29,342
{\an1}- Ike, it's not alive.
10
00:00:29,375 --> 00:00:31,077
{\an1}- Does the blonde know
mouth to mouth.
11
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:32,412
- Watch it, dummy!
12
00:00:32,445 --> 00:00:33,722
- Both of you,
stop talking to the dummy.
13
00:00:33,746 --> 00:00:34,981
Sir, what happened here?
14
00:00:35,014 --> 00:00:35,715
- It was an accident.
15
00:00:35,748 --> 00:00:37,417
{\an1}- Isn't it obvious.
16
00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:39,719
He stabbed himself and now
he's trying to blame me.
17
00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:40,553
- Why are you holding
the knife then?
18
00:00:40,586 --> 00:00:42,221
- Ike, stop talking
to the dummy.
19
00:00:42,254 --> 00:00:43,356
{\an1}His pulse is dropping.
20
00:00:43,389 --> 00:00:44,533
{\an1}Lucy, get
the heart monitor ready.
21
00:00:44,557 --> 00:00:46,559
- Help my dummy.
- Don't get agitated, sir.
22
00:00:46,592 --> 00:00:48,962
- Give him CPR!
He needs CPR!
23
00:00:48,995 --> 00:00:50,405
{\an3}- Ike, I need this guy
to calm down, okay?
24
00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:52,098
Give the dummy CPR.
- What?
25
00:00:52,131 --> 00:00:53,399
- Tell him it's gonna be okay.
26
00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:55,243
- Hey, it's... it's gonna...
It's gonna be okay.
27
00:00:55,267 --> 00:00:57,437
- Ike, give the dummy CPR.
Andy, talk to the dummy.
28
00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:59,172
- I don't wanna talk to a dummy.
29
00:00:59,205 --> 00:01:00,983
{\an3}- Lucy, had me the lead
so I can hook this guy up.
30
00:01:01,007 --> 00:01:03,376
- Hey, dummy, everything
is gonna be okay.
31
00:01:03,409 --> 00:01:06,145
Ike is my friend.
He's gonna give you CPR.
32
00:01:06,178 --> 00:01:07,689
{\an1}- We're performing CPR.
It's gonna be fine.
33
00:01:07,713 --> 00:01:09,649
{\an3}- Yeah, it'll be okay.
Go, go, go, go.
34
00:01:09,682 --> 00:01:11,451
- Ah.
[heart monitor beeping]
35
00:01:11,484 --> 00:01:12,752
{\an7}Ah.
[breathing]
36
00:01:12,785 --> 00:01:16,155
{\an8}- Oh, I'm much better now.
37
00:01:16,188 --> 00:01:17,690
{\an8}- Oh, the mouth hole.
The mouth hole.
38
00:01:17,723 --> 00:01:20,126
{\an8}- Shh, relax.
Stay relaxed.
39
00:01:20,159 --> 00:01:21,461
{\an3}He's gonna do it again.
Relax.
40
00:01:21,494 --> 00:01:23,196
{\an1}- I need both of you.
41
00:01:23,229 --> 00:01:25,431
{\an1}- What in the horrifying fuck?
42
00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:27,300
- I don't know.
[monitor flat-lines]
43
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:28,477
- Oh, my God, we're losing him.
44
00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:30,303
Lucy, prepare the paddles.
- Oh, shit.
45
00:01:30,336 --> 00:01:32,438
[defibrillator charging]
46
00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:34,240
- Pinch his dick.
- Oh.
47
00:01:34,273 --> 00:01:36,409
- Yeah, give it a pinch.
48
00:01:36,442 --> 00:01:38,979
It'll wake him up.
- What the hell?
49
00:01:40,646 --> 00:01:42,648
[slow beeping]
- Oops, sorry, you guys.
50
00:01:42,681 --> 00:01:44,417
{\an3}A malfunction.
He's still alive.
51
00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:47,253
- No shit.
[laughter]
52
00:01:47,286 --> 00:01:48,330
{\an8}- You almost pinched his dick.
53
00:01:48,354 --> 00:01:49,398
{\an7}- I was not
gonna pinch his dick.
54
00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:50,456
{\an8}- No, you were close.
55
00:01:50,489 --> 00:01:51,500
{\an7}- I'm just gonna take the knife.
56
00:01:51,524 --> 00:01:53,059
{\an8}- Touch it and die!
- Whoo.
57
00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:55,795
[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]
58
00:01:55,828 --> 00:01:59,632
♪ ♪
59
00:01:59,665 --> 00:02:03,069
- ♪ Well I'm hot blooded ♪
60
00:02:03,102 --> 00:02:05,405
♪ Check and see ♪
61
00:02:05,438 --> 00:02:09,108
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
62
00:02:09,141 --> 00:02:11,578
{\an8} ♪ I'm hot blooded ♪
63
00:02:13,312 --> 00:02:14,514
{\an8} [thunder crackles]
64
00:02:14,547 --> 00:02:16,516
{\an8}- Wow, big storm.
65
00:02:16,549 --> 00:02:18,351
{\an8}- Supposed to go all day.
- Yeah?
66
00:02:18,384 --> 00:02:19,528
{\an8}- Hey, you guys wanna
play a game?
67
00:02:19,552 --> 00:02:21,220
{\an8}- Hey, let's start a new show.
68
00:02:21,253 --> 00:02:22,697
{\an8}Bet you we could binge our way
through a few episodes.
69
00:02:22,721 --> 00:02:24,290
{\an8}- Let's watch "Queer Beer."
70
00:02:24,323 --> 00:02:26,201
{\an8}It's about those fabulous guys
that own a brewery.
71
00:02:26,225 --> 00:02:27,369
{\an8}- I watched the first season.
It's pretty good.
72
00:02:27,393 --> 00:02:29,362
{\an8}- How 'bout "Fresno Fire"?
73
00:02:29,395 --> 00:02:31,431
{\an7}- Nah, sitcoms about
firemen are lame.
74
00:02:31,464 --> 00:02:33,433
{\an8}There's maybe
one fire per season,
75
00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:35,068
{\an8}and there's a black guy,
an Asian guy,
76
00:02:35,101 --> 00:02:37,303
{\an8}a woman, one dude who
you don't realize is Latin,
77
00:02:37,336 --> 00:02:39,439
{\an8}a bunch of white people,
you know what I mean?
78
00:02:39,472 --> 00:02:41,541
{\an8}- Hmm, hey, we could jump
back into "Montana Bush."
79
00:02:41,574 --> 00:02:43,309
{\an8}- No, I don't love nature shows.
80
00:02:43,342 --> 00:02:44,386
{\an7}- Thought that show
was about something else.
81
00:02:44,410 --> 00:02:45,678
{\an8}- What?
- Teenage pop star
82
00:02:45,711 --> 00:02:47,213
{\an8}who was a landscaper.
- [chuckles]
83
00:02:47,246 --> 00:02:49,182
{\an8}That's impossible.
- Ooh, you guys!
84
00:02:49,215 --> 00:02:53,086
{\an8}How about "Mrs. Winchester?"
85
00:02:53,119 --> 00:02:54,129
{\an7}- Never heard of it.
What's that?
86
00:02:54,153 --> 00:02:55,197
{\an8}- Oh, that's a British show.
87
00:02:55,221 --> 00:02:56,622
{\an7}- No!
No foreign language stuff.
88
00:02:56,655 --> 00:02:58,157
{\an9}- Hold on, hold on, just listen.
89
00:02:58,190 --> 00:03:00,093
{\an8}"As Britain enters World War II,
90
00:03:00,126 --> 00:03:02,562
{\an8}"one woman makes a difference,
Mrs. Winchester.
91
00:03:02,595 --> 00:03:05,231
{\an9}"This small-town nurse
is determined to tend
92
00:03:05,264 --> 00:03:08,568
{\an9}to Briarfield Township
while also solving crimes!"
93
00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:10,503
{\an8}- [fake snoring]
- Mrs. Lamechester.
94
00:03:10,536 --> 00:03:12,380
{\an7}- What's with you and these
British shows anyway?
95
00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:14,373
{\an8}- They're critically acclaimed
and strongly acted.
96
00:03:14,406 --> 00:03:15,408
{\an8}Really quite bully.
97
00:03:15,441 --> 00:03:17,643
{\an7}- That show sounds like
bully-shit.
98
00:03:17,676 --> 00:03:19,412
{\an8}[laughter]
[thunder crackles]
99
00:03:19,445 --> 00:03:21,414
{\an8} [mellow country music]
100
00:03:21,447 --> 00:03:25,251
{\an8} - ♪ Well I missed the things
that I used to do ♪
101
00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:29,255
{\an8} ♪ So I went and bought me
a bag of chew ♪
102
00:03:29,288 --> 00:03:33,359
♪ Hocked in my truck
without a care ♪
103
00:03:33,392 --> 00:03:37,130
♪ And drove it through
the sassafras air ♪
104
00:03:37,163 --> 00:03:39,866
- Ah, God, sassafras air.
So colorful.
105
00:03:39,899 --> 00:03:41,734
- ♪ Oh yeah ♪
- Oh.
106
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,136
[music stops]
- We need to talk.
107
00:03:43,169 --> 00:03:44,504
{\an1}- Hey, do you like
country music?
108
00:03:44,537 --> 00:03:45,614
- Not particularly.
- I've been getting
109
00:03:45,638 --> 00:03:47,140
into it lately.
- Uh, listen...
110
00:03:47,173 --> 00:03:48,574
{\an1}- Lyrics tell
such great stories,
111
00:03:48,607 --> 00:03:50,409
{\an1}about memories and days gone by,
112
00:03:50,442 --> 00:03:51,744
{\an1}especially this band
Leigh Weigh.
113
00:03:51,777 --> 00:03:54,147
Have you heard of them?
- No. But Chief...
114
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,249
- They're my new favorite band.
- Awesome.
115
00:03:56,282 --> 00:03:58,151
{\an3}You should write about it
in your yearbook.
116
00:03:58,184 --> 00:04:00,153
{\an3}We have a problem.
There's a firefighter blog
117
00:04:00,186 --> 00:04:01,921
{\an3}coming from this station
that's sharing
118
00:04:01,954 --> 00:04:03,589
{\an3}a lot of dirty laundry
on the Internet.
119
00:04:03,622 --> 00:04:05,391
{\an1}- A blog?
From my station?
120
00:04:05,424 --> 00:04:06,626
- Tacoma Station 24.
121
00:04:06,659 --> 00:04:08,161
Look for yourself.
122
00:04:08,194 --> 00:04:09,896
{\an3}Search for
"Fired up in Tacoma."
123
00:04:09,929 --> 00:04:11,731
- Really?
- I'm sure you're aware
124
00:04:11,764 --> 00:04:13,799
{\an3}we have a zero-tolerance
policy on social media
125
00:04:13,832 --> 00:04:14,934
by municipal employees.
126
00:04:14,967 --> 00:04:16,469
{\an1}- Hey.
127
00:04:16,502 --> 00:04:19,572
Station 24, "A" shift.
- Mm-hmm.
128
00:04:19,605 --> 00:04:20,907
{\an1}- I can't see
my guys doing this.
129
00:04:20,940 --> 00:04:23,376
Oh, look at this,
"Our chief is an authoritarian,
130
00:04:23,409 --> 00:04:24,777
overweight blowhard."
131
00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:26,788
{\an1}Well, there you go, it couldn't
possibly be my station.
132
00:04:26,812 --> 00:04:28,781
{\an1}[chuckles]
133
00:04:28,814 --> 00:04:31,217
{\an3}- Yep, well, we don't need
this stuff out in the open.
134
00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:32,594
{\an3}It's already racking up
a lot of views.
135
00:04:32,618 --> 00:04:33,819
Put a stop to it.
136
00:04:33,852 --> 00:04:35,354
{\an1}- Okay, well,
I'll tell you what.
137
00:04:35,387 --> 00:04:36,831
{\an1}I don't think it's us,
but I will sniff around.
138
00:04:36,855 --> 00:04:39,258
- Thanks.
[dramatic music]
139
00:04:39,291 --> 00:04:41,627
- Mrs. Winchester,
whatever is the bother?
140
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:44,964
- Lord Hastings, we both know
the bloom on the rose
141
00:04:44,997 --> 00:04:47,266
is oft not wet.
142
00:04:47,299 --> 00:04:49,569
- [laughing]
- What does that mean?
143
00:04:49,602 --> 00:04:51,571
- Things aren't always
what they seem.
144
00:04:51,604 --> 00:04:53,406
- And then she and
Lord Hastings are related?
145
00:04:53,439 --> 00:04:54,807
- Shh.
146
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,284
{\an1}- No, I just don't understand
the relationships, man.
147
00:04:56,308 --> 00:04:57,910
- Just watch then.
- I'm just lost.
148
00:04:57,943 --> 00:04:59,412
Here, let me rewind it then.
149
00:04:59,445 --> 00:05:00,689
- No, you can't
rewind streaming.
150
00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:02,615
{\an3}Just watch, man.
No, no, no, that's too far!
151
00:05:02,648 --> 00:05:04,483
- Okay, I'll fast-forward.
- No, no!
152
00:05:04,516 --> 00:05:05,851
That's the end of the episode!
153
00:05:05,884 --> 00:05:07,587
- And that is
how Tilda Fowlington
154
00:05:07,620 --> 00:05:08,654
killed the boot-binder.
155
00:05:08,687 --> 00:05:09,922
{\an3}- No!
156
00:05:09,955 --> 00:05:11,791
- How'd you get us
to watch this snoozefest
157
00:05:11,824 --> 00:05:13,793
in the first place?
- What's a boot-binder?
158
00:05:13,826 --> 00:05:14,836
- Hey, can you guys
pause that, please?
159
00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:16,229
- Gladly.
160
00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:17,663
{\an1}- Okay, it has come
to my attention
161
00:05:17,696 --> 00:05:19,599
{\an1}that there is a blog
coming from this station.
162
00:05:19,632 --> 00:05:20,900
[laughter]
- A blog?
163
00:05:20,933 --> 00:05:22,435
That's so five years ago.
164
00:05:22,468 --> 00:05:23,812
{\an1}- I just want to know
if any of y'all
165
00:05:23,836 --> 00:05:25,338
{\an1}are blogging
about station business.
166
00:05:25,371 --> 00:05:26,772
- [laughs] Y'all?
167
00:05:26,805 --> 00:05:29,875
- Is anyone here doing a blog
or building or blog
168
00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:31,553
or writing a blog or whatever
it is you do with a blog?
169
00:05:31,577 --> 00:05:33,980
- Yeah, I blog right after
I record my makeup tutorials.
170
00:05:34,013 --> 00:05:35,548
[laughter]
171
00:05:35,581 --> 00:05:37,550
- My unboxing videos
have a huge following.
172
00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:39,452
{\an3}- Yeah, and I'm more
of a vlogger.
173
00:05:39,485 --> 00:05:40,886
[laughter]
174
00:05:40,919 --> 00:05:43,823
- Yeah, I got a blog about a...
175
00:05:43,856 --> 00:05:45,958
[laughs]
That's so stupid.
176
00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:47,827
{\an1}- Great, anybody else?
Anybody else got one?
177
00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:49,528
{\an1}Funny, funny stuff,
but listen to me.
178
00:05:49,561 --> 00:05:52,031
If I find out that anyone
from this station is blogging,
179
00:05:52,064 --> 00:05:54,333
I will cancel
the Hulu subscription.
180
00:05:54,366 --> 00:05:56,836
- No, no, no, we watch
so much on Hulu!
181
00:05:56,869 --> 00:05:58,571
- Take it back!
- Carry on.
182
00:05:58,604 --> 00:05:59,848
{\an1}Can I see you
in my office, please?
183
00:05:59,872 --> 00:06:01,283
- Am I in trouble?
- Come on, let's go.
184
00:06:01,307 --> 00:06:02,842
- What is going on?
A blog?
185
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:05,511
{\an1}- By the way,
do not start watching
186
00:06:05,544 --> 00:06:06,988
a new TV show without me.
- Yeah, whatever.
187
00:06:07,012 --> 00:06:08,881
{\an3}You're just gonna
go to sleep anyway.
188
00:06:08,914 --> 00:06:10,425
- Not if we find a show
better than "Mrs. Winchester."
189
00:06:10,449 --> 00:06:11,717
You got that?
[laughter]
190
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:14,053
I'm the captain.
191
00:06:14,086 --> 00:06:15,988
[mellow country music]
192
00:06:16,021 --> 00:06:20,026
- ♪ Well the way she looked
made me wanna sing ♪
193
00:06:20,059 --> 00:06:24,430
♪ So I grabbed a beer
and my old six-string ♪
194
00:06:24,463 --> 00:06:26,766
♪ We sang about blue jeans
and black beans ♪
195
00:06:26,799 --> 00:06:28,768
- Okay, what did I do?
What did I do?
196
00:06:28,801 --> 00:06:31,604
- ♪ And being 18
and farm machines ♪
197
00:06:31,637 --> 00:06:33,739
{\an3}- What the hell
are you listening to?
198
00:06:33,772 --> 00:06:35,041
{\an1}- Leigh Weigh.
199
00:06:35,074 --> 00:06:36,451
- Why are you listening
to Leigh Weigh?
200
00:06:36,475 --> 00:06:38,444
{\an1}- 'Cause they're
an awesome band.
201
00:06:38,477 --> 00:06:40,413
- Okay, Leigh Weigh is not a
band. It's a guy.
202
00:06:40,446 --> 00:06:42,315
That's his name.
Lee. Way.
203
00:06:42,348 --> 00:06:43,616
- Oh, that makes sense.
Okay.
204
00:06:43,649 --> 00:06:44,884
Leigh Weigh's a guy.
205
00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:47,553
Like Jethro Tull
or Lynyrd Skynyrd.
206
00:06:47,586 --> 00:06:50,089
- How is that I know more
about Leigh Weigh than you do?
207
00:06:50,122 --> 00:06:52,425
- I'm just getting into it.
- You know, if I had a dime
208
00:06:52,458 --> 00:06:54,098
for every one of my
midlife crisis friends
209
00:06:54,126 --> 00:06:56,929
who found country music,
I'd have a lot of dimes, Terry.
210
00:06:56,962 --> 00:06:58,640
- Hey, this guy sings
about things that speak to me.
211
00:06:58,664 --> 00:07:00,633
All right, like, being the boss
212
00:07:00,666 --> 00:07:02,601
and driving on the open road
213
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:03,903
and windburn.
- Yeah.
214
00:07:03,936 --> 00:07:05,938
- Chili cook-offs.
- So cool.
215
00:07:05,971 --> 00:07:07,907
- Smell of wheat fields.
- You like wheat fields?
216
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:10,643
- Gossamer spider webs.
- Yeah, cool, all right.
217
00:07:10,676 --> 00:07:12,645
- Check this out.
218
00:07:12,678 --> 00:07:14,580
- ♪ Well it's tough to be ♪
219
00:07:14,613 --> 00:07:17,450
♪ The lone big dog ♪
220
00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:20,986
♪ Barking by myself
in the hazy fog ♪
221
00:07:21,019 --> 00:07:22,130
♪ I can picture... ♪
- Okay, look.
222
00:07:22,154 --> 00:07:23,756
{\an1}I like country music too,
223
00:07:23,789 --> 00:07:25,825
but this dude sucks.
224
00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:27,927
- Agree to disagree.
[music stops]
225
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,495
{\an1}All right, listen,
this blog thing.
226
00:07:29,528 --> 00:07:31,430
Is this you?
- You really think it could be?
227
00:07:31,463 --> 00:07:32,841
{\an1}- It's the kinda shit
you do for laughs.
228
00:07:32,865 --> 00:07:34,442
Remember when you sent me
the John Travolta picture
229
00:07:34,466 --> 00:07:35,744
{\an1}with the personalized
signature on it?
230
00:07:35,768 --> 00:07:37,069
- I do. I do.
231
00:07:37,102 --> 00:07:39,138
{\an3}"Dear Terry, keep staying alive.
232
00:07:39,171 --> 00:07:40,573
Best, Johnny."
233
00:07:40,606 --> 00:07:41,816
{\an1}- You denied that
for three years.
234
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,551
{\an3}- Yeah, that was the perfect
amount of time,
235
00:07:43,575 --> 00:07:45,620
but this is not me, and you
really think it's one of us?
236
00:07:45,644 --> 00:07:47,113
- Come here, look at this.
237
00:07:47,146 --> 00:07:48,957
[thunder rumbles]
Huh? This is right on the nose.
238
00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:50,850
Tacoma FD.
239
00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:52,752
Station 24.
"A" shift.
240
00:07:52,785 --> 00:07:56,622
{\an3}- "Our captain thinks
he's got a good dye job.
241
00:07:56,655 --> 00:07:58,791
{\an1}"He's not fooling anyone.
242
00:07:58,824 --> 00:08:01,460
{\an3}"His hair is as white
as a polar bear's muff.
243
00:08:01,493 --> 00:08:03,929
{\an3}"He also has textbook
Peter Pan Syndrome.
244
00:08:03,962 --> 00:08:05,865
{\an3}He's so immature,
no one takes him seriously."
245
00:08:05,898 --> 00:08:07,633
{\an3}This is on the goddamn Internet.
246
00:08:07,666 --> 00:08:09,010
{\an3}Who the hell do these people
think they are?
247
00:08:09,034 --> 00:08:10,178
{\an3}I'm gonna go straighten
somebody out.
248
00:08:10,202 --> 00:08:11,202
- Okay, hold on, hold on.
249
00:08:12,571 --> 00:08:13,681
Don't go out there half-cocked.
250
00:08:13,705 --> 00:08:15,016
- I'm going out there
full-cocked.
251
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,709
[lively music]
252
00:08:16,742 --> 00:08:18,182
{\an1}- Why does this guy
have an accident?
253
00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:19,210
- It's Dave Bautista.
254
00:08:20,813 --> 00:08:22,114
In 18th century Canada.
255
00:08:22,147 --> 00:08:23,716
{\an1}- And then what's
with that piano?
256
00:08:23,749 --> 00:08:25,160
{\an3}- Just stop.
He's also teaching music
257
00:08:25,184 --> 00:08:26,728
{\an3}to the other fur trappers
on the frontier.
258
00:08:26,752 --> 00:08:28,187
- What?
- Shush!
259
00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:30,055
- I will trade me furs
for an ivory piano,
260
00:08:30,088 --> 00:08:32,057
and we will sing
and dance with the beavers.
261
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,893
- You're not gonna sing
with beavers.
262
00:08:33,926 --> 00:08:36,028
- Quiet, please!
- It doesn't make sense!
263
00:08:36,061 --> 00:08:37,639
{\an1}I'm not watching this
any longer than you have.
264
00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:39,765
{\an3}No, no, no, Captain,
don't... don't-what?
265
00:08:39,798 --> 00:08:41,976
- I wanna know right now who's
writing this goddamn blog.
266
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,769
- Whoa.
- Again with the blog?
267
00:08:43,802 --> 00:08:45,738
- Yeah, and who's the
Peter Pan Syndrome expert?
268
00:08:45,771 --> 00:08:47,907
- Wait, the what?
- Someone accused me
269
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:50,009
of having Peter Pan Syndrome.
- Like you wanna fly?
270
00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:51,710
- It means he doesn't want
to grow up.
271
00:08:51,743 --> 00:08:53,588
- Seems like he already has.
I mean, how old are you, Cap?
272
00:08:53,612 --> 00:08:55,080
- None of your fucking business.
273
00:08:55,113 --> 00:08:57,516
And to whoever wrote this,
I do not dye my hair.
274
00:08:57,549 --> 00:08:58,693
- Your hair looks great.
[chuckles]
275
00:08:58,717 --> 00:09:00,152
- Calm down, Cap.
- Yeah, calm down.
276
00:09:00,185 --> 00:09:01,729
Hey, you should watch
the new show with us.
277
00:09:01,753 --> 00:09:03,889
It's called "Pelts."
Dave Bautista's an 18 century
278
00:09:03,922 --> 00:09:05,724
fur trapper in
the Canadian frontier,
279
00:09:05,757 --> 00:09:08,093
and he also runs a music school
for the other trappers.
280
00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:10,095
Andy loves it.
- Not into it yet.
281
00:09:10,128 --> 00:09:11,530
- I don't wanna watch
a new show.
282
00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:12,841
I wanna get
to the bottom of this.
283
00:09:12,865 --> 00:09:13,908
- You guys should
check out this blog.
284
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:15,534
It's pretty incriminating.
285
00:09:15,567 --> 00:09:17,178
{\an1}- I have a feeling it's Granny.
I mean, he likes to write.
286
00:09:17,202 --> 00:09:18,780
- Dude, you're the one
who likes to gossip.
287
00:09:18,804 --> 00:09:20,873
- What? I do not.
- Okay, well, I set my phone
288
00:09:20,906 --> 00:09:22,675
to alert me anytime
a new blog drops.
289
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:24,610
All right, you've been warned.
290
00:09:24,643 --> 00:09:27,012
- Cap, no one here is blogging.
291
00:09:27,045 --> 00:09:28,681
[thunder rumbles]
Aw, man!
292
00:09:28,714 --> 00:09:30,115
- Great, that's...
- Aw, come on!
293
00:09:30,148 --> 00:09:31,759
- Hey, nobody go anywhere.
- Somebody hit the genny.
294
00:09:31,783 --> 00:09:33,027
[overlapping chatter]
- The one that always sticks.
295
00:09:33,051 --> 00:09:34,920
- Yeah, great.
296
00:09:34,953 --> 00:09:36,489
- Oh, there we go.
- Good.
297
00:09:36,522 --> 00:09:38,257
- Bingo.
New blog just dropped.
298
00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:40,059
- Someone sent a blog
in the dark?
299
00:09:40,092 --> 00:09:41,660
That's crazy.
- It says here
300
00:09:41,693 --> 00:09:43,629
that captain just found out
about the blogging,
301
00:09:43,662 --> 00:09:46,131
and he's pissed.
Stay tuned.
302
00:09:46,164 --> 00:09:48,968
Someone in this room
is blogging.
303
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:50,870
And we're gonna find out who.
304
00:09:50,903 --> 00:09:52,939
[thunder crashing]
305
00:09:58,610 --> 00:10:01,113
- Got a new blog post?
- No, I'm sleuthing.
306
00:10:01,146 --> 00:10:02,748
- "To Catch a Blogger," huh?
307
00:10:02,781 --> 00:10:04,759
So you're reading a blog
about how to catch a blogger.
308
00:10:04,783 --> 00:10:06,060
- Yeah, well, who better
to help with a blog hunt
309
00:10:06,084 --> 00:10:07,219
than a blogger?
310
00:10:07,252 --> 00:10:09,288
Says here misspelled words
311
00:10:09,321 --> 00:10:11,924
and unique phrasing
are red flags.
312
00:10:11,957 --> 00:10:14,927
Our blogger happens to misspell
the word "exhilarating"
313
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,595
quite a bit.
- Huh.
314
00:10:16,628 --> 00:10:17,997
- How do you spell exhilarating?
315
00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:20,165
- E-X-I-L-I-Rating.
316
00:10:20,198 --> 00:10:21,834
- Wrong.
Maybe you're the blogger.
317
00:10:21,867 --> 00:10:23,611
- Maybe you're the blogger.
- What are you doing?
318
00:10:23,635 --> 00:10:25,638
- I'm taking Leigh Weigh's
words to heart.
319
00:10:25,671 --> 00:10:27,015
I'm setting up
a face-to-face here.
320
00:10:27,039 --> 00:10:29,008
I'm gonna look a man
dead in the eye
321
00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:31,243
'cause then they can never lie.
322
00:10:31,276 --> 00:10:33,212
Like a frog on a frozen pond
323
00:10:33,245 --> 00:10:36,782
or a wizard with a magic wand.
324
00:10:36,815 --> 00:10:38,626
- You're gonna zap the blogger
with a magic wand?
325
00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:39,694
- No, I'm gonna do
what Leigh Weigh says
326
00:10:39,718 --> 00:10:40,795
and I'm gonna have
a face-to-face.
327
00:10:40,819 --> 00:10:41,963
- You are neck-deep
in the school
328
00:10:41,987 --> 00:10:43,122
of Leigh Weigh, aren't you?
329
00:10:43,155 --> 00:10:44,123
- Well, 'cause he's cool
and he's tough,
330
00:10:44,156 --> 00:10:45,291
like all men should be.
331
00:10:45,324 --> 00:10:46,992
- You know what
this guy looks like?
332
00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:49,345
Come here. You don't know what
this guy looks like, do you?
333
00:10:51,229 --> 00:10:52,831
This is your guy right here.
334
00:10:52,864 --> 00:10:54,667
- Huh.
335
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:55,877
I didn't know he spelled
his name that way.
336
00:10:55,901 --> 00:10:58,671
Leigh Weigh.
337
00:10:58,704 --> 00:11:00,148
- That's your takeaway
when I show you this photo?
338
00:11:00,172 --> 00:11:01,740
This dude's a poser.
339
00:11:01,773 --> 00:11:02,784
- Yeah, well, I don't judge
a book by its cover.
340
00:11:02,808 --> 00:11:04,643
{\an3}So what if he wants to
enjoy the latest trends
341
00:11:04,676 --> 00:11:06,145
in hair and fashion?
342
00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:07,355
{\an3}Doesn't make his music
any less poignant.
343
00:11:07,379 --> 00:11:08,881
- Yes, it does.
- You guys.
344
00:11:08,914 --> 00:11:10,692
{\an3}I think I have a handle
on finding this blogger.
345
00:11:10,716 --> 00:11:12,651
{\an3}I'm gonna do some deep dive
investigating.
346
00:11:12,684 --> 00:11:13,552
- Well, I appreciate that,
Granny,
347
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,120
but at this point
everyone's a suspect.
348
00:11:15,153 --> 00:11:16,622
[thunder crashes]
349
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,657
{\an3}- Chief, a wise woman once said,
350
00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:20,960
{\an3}the bloom on the rose
is oft not wet.
351
00:11:20,993 --> 00:11:22,161
- What does that mean?
352
00:11:22,194 --> 00:11:23,662
- Things aren't always
as they seem,
353
00:11:23,695 --> 00:11:25,130
and that's where
we have to start.
354
00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:26,674
- Tell you what,
how 'bout the three of us
355
00:11:26,698 --> 00:11:28,601
start right here?
Pull up a chair, partner.
356
00:11:28,634 --> 00:11:30,836
- Partner?
- It has to be Granny.
357
00:11:30,869 --> 00:11:32,714
{\an1}- The guy loves to write.
You've seen his reports, right?
358
00:11:32,738 --> 00:11:34,707
{\an3}- Yeah, he's in Chief's office
right now
359
00:11:34,740 --> 00:11:35,917
{\an3}probably trying
to throw him off the scent.
360
00:11:35,941 --> 00:11:37,643
{\an1}- Yes, exactly.
361
00:11:37,676 --> 00:11:39,745
- Hey, who's up
for some more "Pelts"?
362
00:11:39,778 --> 00:11:42,348
I am hooked.
- Now's not the time, Ike.
363
00:11:42,381 --> 00:11:44,350
- Really? Bautista
is about to play a concerto
364
00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:46,819
for the Iroquois chieftain
and his daughter.
365
00:11:46,852 --> 00:11:48,329
- I think we're cool.
- Pretty big moment, right?
366
00:11:48,353 --> 00:11:49,722
- Nah.
- I'm not kidding.
367
00:11:49,755 --> 00:11:51,099
I'm gonna start it right now.
- Okay.
368
00:11:51,123 --> 00:11:52,625
- "Pelts!"
Argh!
369
00:11:52,658 --> 00:11:53,492
{\an1}- Cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool, cool.
370
00:11:53,526 --> 00:11:55,394
- Oh, cool, cool, cool.
Okay, great.
371
00:11:55,427 --> 00:11:58,731
Don't come crying
to me later, okay?
372
00:11:58,764 --> 00:12:02,167
- There's no chance it's him.
- [chuckles] No way.
373
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,903
[mysterious music]
374
00:12:04,936 --> 00:12:10,376
♪ ♪
375
00:12:10,409 --> 00:12:12,711
- Need anything to drink?
- Nope.
376
00:12:12,744 --> 00:12:15,047
- You sure?
Soda, coffee, water?
377
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,116
- I'm good.
- [smacks lips]
378
00:12:17,149 --> 00:12:18,784
I gotta give it to you, man.
379
00:12:18,817 --> 00:12:20,653
{\an3}The writing on that stuff's
really good.
380
00:12:20,686 --> 00:12:22,388
Where do you come up with it?
- With what?
381
00:12:22,421 --> 00:12:24,823
- The blog stuff.
- Oh, it's not me.
382
00:12:24,856 --> 00:12:26,768
{\an1}- Come on, it's got
your fingerprints all over it.
383
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:28,369
{\an1}The writing reads just like
your incidence reports.
384
00:12:28,393 --> 00:12:30,162
- I don't think it does.
- Oh, no?
385
00:12:30,195 --> 00:12:31,730
Spell "exhilarating."
386
00:12:31,763 --> 00:12:34,266
- E-X-E...
387
00:12:34,299 --> 00:12:36,736
- Wrong.
[thunder crashes]
388
00:12:40,172 --> 00:12:41,740
- Where does Granny
keep his laptop?
389
00:12:41,773 --> 00:12:43,409
{\an3}- He's constantly on his phone.
390
00:12:43,442 --> 00:12:44,952
{\an3}That's what we need
to pry away from him.
391
00:12:44,976 --> 00:12:47,112
{\an1}- Under the bed is just
candy wrappers and puppets.
392
00:12:47,145 --> 00:12:50,282
{\an1}Wait a minute.
Hello.
393
00:12:50,315 --> 00:12:51,959
{\an1}Since when does Granny
care about technology
394
00:12:51,983 --> 00:12:53,919
and the Internet?
- And look at the main article!
395
00:12:53,952 --> 00:12:55,287
- "To blog or not to blog."
396
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,289
Oh, shit, we got him!
397
00:12:57,322 --> 00:12:58,800
{\an3}- Hey, what the hell
are you all doing?
398
00:12:58,824 --> 00:13:01,760
{\an1}- Oh, cleaning.
We're cleaning up your...
399
00:13:01,793 --> 00:13:04,063
Your bed is made.
- You know what? Enough!
400
00:13:04,096 --> 00:13:05,264
Granny, we know it's you.
401
00:13:05,297 --> 00:13:06,131
{\an3}Look what we found
under your bed.
402
00:13:06,164 --> 00:13:07,800
[mysterious music]
403
00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:09,277
- That's not mine.
- It was under your bed.
404
00:13:09,301 --> 00:13:12,438
- Look at the name.
405
00:13:12,471 --> 00:13:13,305
- Yeah, right, like
I'm supposed to believe
406
00:13:13,338 --> 00:13:15,841
that Ike gets "Blog AF."
407
00:13:15,874 --> 00:13:18,410
{\an3}- The bloom on the rose,
it's oft not wet.
408
00:13:18,443 --> 00:13:20,713
{\an1}- Ugh, stop it with
the "Mrs. Winchester" crap.
409
00:13:20,746 --> 00:13:23,248
- Andy, you're up.
Chief's office now.
410
00:13:23,281 --> 00:13:24,783
- Up for what?
411
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:27,219
[dramatic music]
412
00:13:27,252 --> 00:13:28,487
- Interrogation.
413
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,290
[thunder crashes]
414
00:13:31,323 --> 00:13:34,259
[mysterious music]
415
00:13:34,292 --> 00:13:36,028
♪ ♪
416
00:13:36,061 --> 00:13:38,964
- Was this always here?
- Don't worry about that.
417
00:13:38,997 --> 00:13:41,042
- Hey, man, I just wanna shake
the hand of the blogger.
418
00:13:41,066 --> 00:13:42,801
- Hey... whoa, no.
419
00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:44,479
- How many blog posts
have you already done now, huh?
420
00:13:44,503 --> 00:13:45,271
- I just like shaking hands.
You extend your hand,
421
00:13:45,304 --> 00:13:47,473
I'm gonna take it.
- Come on, Andy!
422
00:13:47,506 --> 00:13:49,274
{\an3}Admit it,
you're a tech-savvy guy.
423
00:13:49,307 --> 00:13:51,219
- What, because I'm Asian?
- 'Cause you're a wiseass.
424
00:13:51,243 --> 00:13:52,745
- Cool it, Chief.
425
00:13:52,778 --> 00:13:55,481
Hey, did you do a blog
called "Andy and D."
426
00:13:55,514 --> 00:13:57,158
- My "Dungeons & Dragons"
blog in high school.
427
00:13:57,182 --> 00:13:59,284
- You know, it sounds like
you're super familiar
428
00:13:59,317 --> 00:14:00,986
with blogging.
- Uh.
429
00:14:01,019 --> 00:14:02,121
- Spell "exhilarating."
430
00:14:02,154 --> 00:14:03,856
- X...
- Wrong.
431
00:14:03,889 --> 00:14:06,859
[thunder rumbles]
432
00:14:08,894 --> 00:14:10,829
{\an1}Granny tells me you got
yourself a burner phone.
433
00:14:10,862 --> 00:14:13,065
- No, I-I don't.
- You calling him a liar?
434
00:14:13,098 --> 00:14:15,501
- Okay, well, my phone broke,
and I got a temporary one,
435
00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:16,802
but it's not a "burner phone."
436
00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:18,537
{\an1}- This temporary phone of yours,
437
00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:20,439
{\an1}does it have
Internet capability?
438
00:14:20,472 --> 00:14:22,508
- Yes.
- So hypothetically,
439
00:14:22,541 --> 00:14:23,918
you could be writing
all this stuff,
440
00:14:23,942 --> 00:14:25,019
and none of it
would be traceable to you.
441
00:14:25,043 --> 00:14:27,312
- What are you guys gonna do,
trace my IP address?
442
00:14:27,345 --> 00:14:28,347
- What's an IP address?
443
00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:30,015
- Spell "exhilarating."
444
00:14:30,048 --> 00:14:32,417
- Uh... can I use my phone?
445
00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:34,028
- Don't touch your phone.
- No, no, no, no, no.
446
00:14:34,052 --> 00:14:37,923
[thunder rumbles]
447
00:14:37,956 --> 00:14:39,424
- [exhales]
448
00:14:39,457 --> 00:14:41,927
- E-X-H-I-L-A-R-A-T-I-N-G.
449
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,396
{\an1}- You're the only person
who got that right.
450
00:14:44,429 --> 00:14:47,032
- Yeah, um...
[mutters]
451
00:14:47,065 --> 00:14:49,334
- You seem kinda fidgety, huh?
452
00:14:49,367 --> 00:14:51,904
Nervous.
- No, I'm not...
453
00:14:51,937 --> 00:14:53,539
Just 'cause, um...
454
00:14:53,572 --> 00:14:56,475
I... it's my time with the TV,
and they... I'm...
455
00:14:56,508 --> 00:14:59,378
[breathing heavily]
456
00:14:59,411 --> 00:15:02,080
I really want to get back
to watching "Pelts."
457
00:15:02,113 --> 00:15:03,925
The British have banned
the playing of all music
458
00:15:03,949 --> 00:15:06,051
on the frontier, and now
Bautista is being driven
459
00:15:06,084 --> 00:15:08,587
deeper into the wilderness
just to play music.
460
00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:10,222
- Who's Bautista?
- Dave Bautista.
461
00:15:10,255 --> 00:15:11,390
The actor.
- Wrestler.
462
00:15:11,423 --> 00:15:12,558
- He was a wrestler.
463
00:15:12,591 --> 00:15:14,259
He's a critically
acclaimed actor now.
464
00:15:14,292 --> 00:15:16,061
He's the lead actor in "Pelts."
465
00:15:16,094 --> 00:15:17,896
He plays Jeremiah Pelt.
466
00:15:17,929 --> 00:15:19,898
Here's the thing,
Andy messes with stuff,
467
00:15:19,931 --> 00:15:21,075
and I think he's gonna
fast-forward it,
468
00:15:21,099 --> 00:15:22,577
and then when I get there,
it's, like, the next episode
469
00:15:22,601 --> 00:15:23,902
and I've missed
a bunch of stuff.
470
00:15:23,935 --> 00:15:25,370
I watch my television seriously.
471
00:15:25,403 --> 00:15:26,872
I take Dave Bautista seriously.
472
00:15:26,905 --> 00:15:28,473
I take the show "Pelts"
very seriously.
473
00:15:28,506 --> 00:15:30,209
I know it seems like I'm...
474
00:15:30,242 --> 00:15:31,577
- Tell you what, man.
475
00:15:31,610 --> 00:15:33,612
Confess and this will
all be over.
476
00:15:33,645 --> 00:15:35,414
You'll be out there
watching "Pelts"
477
00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:38,450
with your buddies in no time.
478
00:15:38,483 --> 00:15:41,253
- Wait, is that true?
479
00:15:41,286 --> 00:15:43,288
- Yeah, just say the word.
"Pelts."
480
00:15:43,321 --> 00:15:46,258
[thunder crashes]
481
00:15:50,629 --> 00:15:52,898
- Sending a new blog post?
- Oh!
482
00:15:52,931 --> 00:15:54,967
- Oh, you're a little jumpy.
- Oh, yeah?
483
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,144
{\an1}Gonna write about that
in your new blog?
484
00:15:56,168 --> 00:15:58,503
{\an3}- That's exactly what
I would expect a blogger to say
485
00:15:58,536 --> 00:16:02,140
{\an3}who didn't want anyone
to know he was blogging.
486
00:16:02,173 --> 00:16:04,443
- Guys, they found the blogger.
- Who?
487
00:16:04,476 --> 00:16:07,079
- It was Ike.
- Really? No way.
488
00:16:07,112 --> 00:16:09,047
{\an1}- He confessed.
489
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,616
- Come on.
- What? That is impossible.
490
00:16:10,649 --> 00:16:12,985
- Yes, okay?
I did it.
491
00:16:13,018 --> 00:16:14,286
Whatever.
Sorry.
492
00:16:14,319 --> 00:16:16,455
{\an3}- It's the writing.
It doesn't sound like you.
493
00:16:16,488 --> 00:16:17,422
- What's that supposed
to mean, Granny?
494
00:16:17,455 --> 00:16:19,024
I write good.
495
00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:20,525
{\an3}- And you're not really
a tech guy.
496
00:16:20,558 --> 00:16:22,427
- I read "Blog AF" magazine,
Andy.
497
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:24,429
Ever heard of it?
498
00:16:24,462 --> 00:16:26,064
- Yeah, where did you get that?
499
00:16:26,097 --> 00:16:28,634
{\an1}- Came as a bonus mag
in my "Chiseled AF."
500
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,036
Okay, I haven't got around
to reading it quite yet,
501
00:16:31,069 --> 00:16:33,438
{\an1}because I misplaced it.
Is that a crime?
502
00:16:33,471 --> 00:16:36,141
- What did Chief say?
- Nothing.
503
00:16:36,174 --> 00:16:38,510
Oh, he said that I can
start watching "Pelts" again
504
00:16:38,543 --> 00:16:39,978
if I clean up the bathrooms
505
00:16:40,011 --> 00:16:42,481
and hoses
and the turnouts and stuff.
506
00:16:42,514 --> 00:16:44,449
- So you made a deal to confess
507
00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:45,626
{\an1}just so that you could
watch "Pelts" again?
508
00:16:45,650 --> 00:16:48,620
- Oh, my God!
I did it, okay?
509
00:16:48,653 --> 00:16:51,490
I'm the blogger.
I admit it, I'm sorry.
510
00:16:51,523 --> 00:16:53,392
Eh, it was me!
What do you want?
511
00:16:53,425 --> 00:16:56,328
Leave me alone.
512
00:16:56,361 --> 00:16:58,196
[thunder crashes]
What was that?
513
00:16:58,229 --> 00:16:59,598
- You don't know
what thunder is?
514
00:16:59,631 --> 00:17:02,067
- No, I didn't say... what?
515
00:17:06,037 --> 00:17:07,481
- No, councilwoman,
not a blog post since.
516
00:17:07,505 --> 00:17:10,075
The blog is shut down.
517
00:17:10,108 --> 00:17:11,576
You can call me the sheriff.
518
00:17:11,609 --> 00:17:14,646
I cleaned up this town,
put the bad guys down.
519
00:17:14,679 --> 00:17:16,715
That's Leigh Weigh.
520
00:17:16,748 --> 00:17:19,551
By the way, it's a guy,
not a band.
521
00:17:19,584 --> 00:17:22,154
Oh, yeah, I gotta go too.
522
00:17:22,187 --> 00:17:26,058
Great.
Bye now.
523
00:17:26,091 --> 00:17:29,594
[mellow country music]
524
00:17:29,627 --> 00:17:34,266
- ♪ And the sheriff
cleaned up that town ♪
525
00:17:34,299 --> 00:17:38,036
♪ After he shot
those Pettis Brothers down ♪
526
00:17:38,069 --> 00:17:42,074
♪ Not one soul
thought he could ♪
527
00:17:42,107 --> 00:17:45,610
♪ But he and his horse
knew he'd make good ♪
528
00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:48,146
- Yeah.
- ♪ Oh yeah ♪
529
00:17:48,179 --> 00:17:50,115
{\an1}- Is there really such
a thing as a sex addict?
530
00:17:50,148 --> 00:17:51,383
{\an1}- Shh, Cap, Cap, come on.
531
00:17:51,416 --> 00:17:52,617
- That seems like a stretch.
532
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:54,119
Like that's really a problem?
533
00:17:54,152 --> 00:17:56,088
- Hey, Granny,
just started this new show.
534
00:17:56,121 --> 00:17:57,465
Just a couple episodes in
if you wanna join in.
535
00:17:57,489 --> 00:17:59,291
- Oh, thanks for the invite
at the beginning.
536
00:17:59,324 --> 00:18:00,701
- You can catch up anytime.
It's pretty straightforward.
537
00:18:00,725 --> 00:18:02,527
- What is it?
- It's about this guy
538
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,738
struggling with sex addictions
539
00:18:03,762 --> 00:18:05,630
so he cries when he masturbates.
540
00:18:05,663 --> 00:18:06,741
- It's called "Tearjerker."
541
00:18:06,765 --> 00:18:09,001
- Oh.
- It's the best show on TV.
542
00:18:09,034 --> 00:18:11,136
- Yeah, except all these
limited interruptions suck.
543
00:18:11,169 --> 00:18:13,238
- This episode of "Tearjerker"
is brought to you by
544
00:18:13,271 --> 00:18:14,639
Sniff-X Tissues.
545
00:18:14,672 --> 00:18:16,475
{\an3}- Ooh, that one has
lotion in it.
546
00:18:16,508 --> 00:18:18,243
- Guys, I've been
going over this blog,
547
00:18:18,276 --> 00:18:19,644
and something isn't adding up.
548
00:18:19,677 --> 00:18:20,645
I get no sense that it was Ike.
549
00:18:20,678 --> 00:18:22,381
{\an1}- No, he confessed.
I was there.
550
00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:24,016
- It bothers me too.
551
00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:25,559
I just don't think Ike
could have done it.
552
00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:27,085
It's like in
"Meet the Fockers"...
553
00:18:27,118 --> 00:18:29,021
{\an3}- No, no, no, no, no.
Please, please, please.
554
00:18:29,054 --> 00:18:31,390
I haven't seen it yet, so...
- It came out 15 years ago.
555
00:18:31,423 --> 00:18:33,025
{\an3}- It doesn't matter
when it came out.
556
00:18:33,058 --> 00:18:35,160
{\an3}I just haven't seen it
and I don't want any spoilers.
557
00:18:35,193 --> 00:18:37,029
{\an1}- You gotta watch it.
That movie's dope.
558
00:18:37,062 --> 00:18:38,773
- What are you guys watching?
- It's a show about a guy
559
00:18:38,797 --> 00:18:40,775
who cries when he masturbates,
called "Tearjerker."
560
00:18:40,799 --> 00:18:42,276
- Huh.
- I get where he's coming from.
561
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,136
- Is it porn?
- Not yet.
562
00:18:44,169 --> 00:18:46,104
- Hey, Chief, I don't think
Ike is the blogger.
563
00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:47,739
- No, he's the guy,
since he confessed
564
00:18:47,772 --> 00:18:49,374
there have been
no more blog posts.
565
00:18:49,407 --> 00:18:51,676
{\an1}- There may be an innocent
man in there cleaning toilets.
566
00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:53,311
- Sounds like guilt.
- Say what?
567
00:18:53,344 --> 00:18:54,755
{\an1}- If it's not him,
then it has to be you.
568
00:18:54,779 --> 00:18:56,524
{\an3}- Shh, guys, guys, guys,
it's coming back on.
569
00:18:56,548 --> 00:18:57,749
- Yeah.
- All right, hold on.
570
00:18:57,782 --> 00:18:59,217
You know what?
Give me that.
571
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:00,528
- Oh, come on.
- Pause it, pause it, okay?
572
00:19:00,552 --> 00:19:02,120
- He's about to cry!
573
00:19:02,153 --> 00:19:03,522
- Now come on.
574
00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:05,266
{\an3}We're gonna talk this Ike thing
through as a crew.
575
00:19:05,290 --> 00:19:06,691
- What is this?
- Oh, really?
576
00:19:06,724 --> 00:19:08,736
- Yeah, it's just a little
Americana background music
577
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,362
{\an3}so we can figure this thing out.
578
00:19:10,395 --> 00:19:11,839
{\an1}- "Fresh Cut Grass
and a Piece o' Ass."
579
00:19:11,863 --> 00:19:13,507
{\an1}That's what we're listening to
right now, Chief?
580
00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:15,200
Come on, man.
- This Leigh Weigh clown
581
00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:17,202
isn't even American.
He's French.
582
00:19:17,235 --> 00:19:18,770
- She's right, Chief.
- What?
583
00:19:18,803 --> 00:19:20,639
- He's part of the French
country new wave.
584
00:19:20,672 --> 00:19:22,074
- I thought he was American.
585
00:19:22,107 --> 00:19:23,451
That makes this whole thing
even better.
586
00:19:23,475 --> 00:19:25,610
Look at him, sacre bleu!
[laughter]
587
00:19:25,643 --> 00:19:27,421
- Well, you know, that's
all right, we like the French.
588
00:19:27,445 --> 00:19:29,681
- You hate the French.
- No, I-I love the French.
589
00:19:29,714 --> 00:19:31,617
{\an7}- [speaking French]
590
00:19:35,386 --> 00:19:36,788
- It's a beautiful language.
591
00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:39,458
[thunder rumbles]
- What the...
592
00:19:39,491 --> 00:19:41,731
New blog post just dropped.
- Ike, get in here right now!
593
00:19:41,759 --> 00:19:43,737
- No, no, no, I took away
all of Ike's electronics.
594
00:19:43,761 --> 00:19:45,797
- We watching "Pelts" now?
595
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,432
Toilets are clean.
Try 'em out, boys.
596
00:19:47,465 --> 00:19:49,577
- "Paramedic is so lazy he's
either always on his phone
597
00:19:49,601 --> 00:19:51,403
or napping."
- "Cap thinks he's sexy,
598
00:19:51,436 --> 00:19:53,839
but he actually smells funny."
Funny how?
599
00:19:53,872 --> 00:19:55,574
- "The lady probie
has a higher salary
600
00:19:55,607 --> 00:19:57,476
than the next senior officer."
Is that true?
601
00:19:57,509 --> 00:19:58,719
- I don't know.
- "The dumb guy reads
602
00:19:58,743 --> 00:20:00,879
tech magazines to make
himself seem smarter."
603
00:20:00,912 --> 00:20:02,647
- "The Chief is
a Leigh Weigh fan,
604
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,758
"and doesn't even know he's
playing Tacoma next week.
605
00:20:04,782 --> 00:20:06,885
Hope he doesn't
ask me to go."
606
00:20:06,918 --> 00:20:09,387
Huh. Is Leigh Weigh really
playing Tacoma next week?
607
00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:10,755
- Better bone up on your French.
608
00:20:10,788 --> 00:20:12,700
- Who's doing this?
- Granny's been on his phone.
609
00:20:12,724 --> 00:20:14,326
- So has Andy.
- I was writing a review
610
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:15,669
for "Tearjerker"
on Au Gratin Tomatoes.
611
00:20:15,693 --> 00:20:17,229
Check the site.
612
00:20:17,262 --> 00:20:18,739
- Maybe these things
are on a time release.
613
00:20:18,763 --> 00:20:21,399
[phones chime]
- Shit, Linda Price.
614
00:20:21,432 --> 00:20:24,169
[buzzer]
- Station 24, extrication.
615
00:20:24,202 --> 00:20:25,537
Man stuck in appliance.
616
00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:27,606
458 White and Preston.
617
00:20:27,639 --> 00:20:29,383
- Okay, we're all gonna go
on this call together,
618
00:20:29,407 --> 00:20:30,885
and I'm gonna keep my eye
on everyone.
619
00:20:30,909 --> 00:20:32,577
And if I see anyone
type anything,
620
00:20:32,610 --> 00:20:34,179
there will be hell to pay.
621
00:20:34,212 --> 00:20:36,615
Move out!
[thunder rumbles]
622
00:20:39,651 --> 00:20:41,453
- So you meant to get in there?
623
00:20:41,486 --> 00:20:44,256
- Yeah, I thought it'd be funny
to jump out and scare my wife.
624
00:20:44,289 --> 00:20:46,458
- And was it funny?
- Well, I scared her for sure,
625
00:20:46,491 --> 00:20:48,260
but now I'm stuck
and she's pissed.
626
00:20:48,293 --> 00:20:49,470
- All right, let's get him
outta there, come on.
627
00:20:49,494 --> 00:20:50,871
- I don't know,
feeling pretty lazy.
628
00:20:50,895 --> 00:20:52,631
- Maybe if I wasn't so dumb,
629
00:20:52,664 --> 00:20:54,308
I'd figure out
how to get him out of there.
630
00:20:54,332 --> 00:20:55,734
{\an1}- Maybe we should
have Lucy do it
631
00:20:55,767 --> 00:20:57,636
{\an1}since she gets paid
more than me anyway.
632
00:20:57,669 --> 00:20:59,804
- I do not get paid more.
- How much do you get paid?
633
00:20:59,837 --> 00:21:01,649
- How much do you get paid?
- No, tell me first.
634
00:21:01,673 --> 00:21:03,742
- Guys, a little help.
- All right, enough, enough.
635
00:21:03,775 --> 00:21:05,186
- Okay, guys, get him up.
- All right, let's go.
636
00:21:05,210 --> 00:21:06,578
- Man, you do smell.
- You smell.
637
00:21:06,611 --> 00:21:08,480
- Your mama smells.
- Ow.
638
00:21:08,513 --> 00:21:09,790
{\an1}- The sooner
we get him outta here,
639
00:21:09,814 --> 00:21:11,683
{\an1}the sooner we get to watch
more "Tearjerker."
640
00:21:11,716 --> 00:21:14,586
- You guys watch "Tearjerker?"
That's the best show on TV.
641
00:21:14,619 --> 00:21:15,763
{\an1}- Yeah, we think
it's pretty good.
642
00:21:15,787 --> 00:21:17,255
- Can you believe
that guy's wife
643
00:21:17,288 --> 00:21:18,766
thought he was a peeping Tom
and shot him dead?
644
00:21:18,790 --> 00:21:20,559
All: No!
- What is wrong with you?
645
00:21:20,592 --> 00:21:22,794
- What? [gasps]
- Do you guys watch "Pelts"?
646
00:21:22,827 --> 00:21:24,296
- No!
647
00:21:24,329 --> 00:21:27,265
[mellow rock music]
648
00:21:27,298 --> 00:21:31,803
♪ ♪
649
00:21:31,836 --> 00:21:33,305
- [sighs]
650
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:36,875
{\an1}- Can I at least check my texts?
651
00:21:36,908 --> 00:21:38,343
{\an1}I have plans tonight.
652
00:21:38,376 --> 00:21:39,911
- I said no electronics.
653
00:21:39,944 --> 00:21:42,681
We are all gonna sit here
quietly until the shift's over.
654
00:21:42,714 --> 00:21:45,217
Hey, Granny,
I said no electronics.
655
00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,419
- But Chief, I need electronics
656
00:21:47,452 --> 00:21:50,522
to show you who the blogger is.
657
00:21:50,555 --> 00:21:51,932
[dramatic musical sting]
[thunder rumbles]
658
00:21:51,956 --> 00:21:55,560
- What?
- Come on, everybody.
659
00:21:55,593 --> 00:21:58,930
Now, first I must give
credit to "Mrs. Winchester."
660
00:21:58,963 --> 00:22:00,999
- Ugh.
- In episode 104,
661
00:22:01,032 --> 00:22:03,235
"The Tories' Wig,"
Mrs. Winchester had to look
662
00:22:03,268 --> 00:22:04,669
beyond appearances.
- Okay.
663
00:22:04,702 --> 00:22:06,404
- So I've studied this blog,
664
00:22:06,437 --> 00:22:09,241
and I thought some things
smelled pretty odd.
665
00:22:09,274 --> 00:22:10,976
- Like Cap.
- [fake laughs] Okay.
666
00:22:11,009 --> 00:22:12,978
- First I noticed words
the blogger used,
667
00:22:13,011 --> 00:22:15,313
such as "pop" instead of "soda,"
668
00:22:15,346 --> 00:22:17,515
"frappe" instead of
"milkshake."
669
00:22:17,548 --> 00:22:19,718
Words we don't use around here.
670
00:22:19,751 --> 00:22:22,420
- Huh, okay, which one of you
guys grew up in the Midwest?
671
00:22:22,453 --> 00:22:24,356
- Next I noticed the blogger
said Leigh Weigh
672
00:22:24,389 --> 00:22:26,391
was coming to Tacoma.
673
00:22:26,424 --> 00:22:27,826
I searched every concert venue.
674
00:22:27,859 --> 00:22:29,527
No sign of Leigh Weigh.
675
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,030
That's because he's not
playing in Tacoma, Washington.
676
00:22:32,063 --> 00:22:33,898
He's play in Tacoma, Ohio.
677
00:22:33,931 --> 00:22:35,533
{\an1}- Wait, there's
a Tacoma in Ohio.
678
00:22:35,566 --> 00:22:37,035
- And a Station 24.
679
00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:38,036
{\an3}- Well, what about
the smelly guy?
680
00:22:38,069 --> 00:22:40,705
- Yeah, or the dumb guy.
- And the lady probie.
681
00:22:40,738 --> 00:22:42,941
- Y'all ready for this?
682
00:22:42,974 --> 00:22:44,276
- Whoa.
- Wow.
683
00:22:44,309 --> 00:22:45,744
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, look at that.
684
00:22:45,777 --> 00:22:48,280
Black guy, an Asian guy, a girl,
685
00:22:48,313 --> 00:22:51,383
and a guy that looks like he's
Italian but is probably Latin.
686
00:22:51,416 --> 00:22:53,360
- Yeah, I like his hairdo.
- And then a bunch of whites.
687
00:22:53,384 --> 00:22:55,520
{\an1}- Huh.
I did not see that coming.
688
00:22:55,553 --> 00:22:57,856
{\an1}You know, I guess firefighters
are the same everywhere.
689
00:22:57,889 --> 00:22:59,491
{\an3}- Same circus, different clowns.
690
00:22:59,524 --> 00:23:00,859
- Same burrito, different salsa.
691
00:23:00,892 --> 00:23:02,894
- Same ball game,
different sport, right, guys?
692
00:23:02,927 --> 00:23:05,063
{\an3}- Yeah, yeah, well, you know,
693
00:23:05,096 --> 00:23:07,299
{\an3}I think we all said some things
that we shouldn't have.
694
00:23:07,332 --> 00:23:09,000
- Yeah, we said some
pretty hurtful things
695
00:23:09,033 --> 00:23:10,602
that are tough to take back.
- Yeah.
696
00:23:10,635 --> 00:23:12,337
{\an3}- Well, I didn't mean
any of it, guys.
697
00:23:12,370 --> 00:23:13,905
- Me neither.
- No.
698
00:23:13,938 --> 00:23:15,640
- [sighs]
699
00:23:15,673 --> 00:23:16,817
{\an3}- You guys know I don't
dye my hair though, right?
700
00:23:16,841 --> 00:23:18,076
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
701
00:23:18,109 --> 00:23:19,611
- Hey, what are we gonna watch?
702
00:23:19,644 --> 00:23:21,446
- "Mrs. Winchester!"
- No, no, no, no.
703
00:23:21,479 --> 00:23:23,382
- Can I pick for once?
704
00:23:28,353 --> 00:23:29,631
- Gail, without music,
there'd be no radio stations.
705
00:23:29,655 --> 00:23:33,058
- No, without radios
there'd be no radio stations.
706
00:23:33,091 --> 00:23:35,093
[laughter]
- Oh, no, they didn't.
707
00:23:35,126 --> 00:23:38,029
{\an1}- Hey, guys, huh?
Huh? Check this out.
708
00:23:38,062 --> 00:23:40,098
- Hey!
- Whoo!
709
00:23:40,131 --> 00:23:41,700
{\an1}- Pretty good, huh?
You are looking
710
00:23:41,733 --> 00:23:43,077
{\an1}at the newest member
of the Leigh Weigh fan club.
711
00:23:43,101 --> 00:23:44,869
I'm officially a Weigh Watcher.
712
00:23:44,902 --> 00:23:46,647
- Hey, congrats, Chief.
You know what, losing weight
713
00:23:46,671 --> 00:23:48,449
at your age is one of
the toughest things you can do.
714
00:23:48,473 --> 00:23:51,042
- Ike, that's not really
what I was... okay.
715
00:23:51,075 --> 00:23:52,043
- I thought
the whole French thing
716
00:23:52,076 --> 00:23:53,478
was a deal-breaker for you.
717
00:23:53,511 --> 00:23:54,822
- Well, I'm not
that closed-minded, Lucy.
718
00:23:54,846 --> 00:23:56,081
I still like the guy's music.
719
00:23:56,114 --> 00:23:56,982
I'm into the message,
not the man.
720
00:23:57,015 --> 00:23:58,092
- Can we just watch the show,
please?
721
00:23:58,116 --> 00:23:59,451
- Yeah, what's this one?
722
00:23:59,484 --> 00:24:00,985
- It's about two
transgender sisters
723
00:24:01,018 --> 00:24:02,420
who run a radio station.
724
00:24:02,453 --> 00:24:04,389
It's called
"Trans-Sister Radio."
725
00:24:04,422 --> 00:24:06,091
- Huh.
Sounds pretty good.
726
00:24:06,124 --> 00:24:07,092
Mind if I watch it
with you guys?
727
00:24:07,125 --> 00:24:08,560
- Please.
- Sure.
728
00:24:08,593 --> 00:24:11,129
- Come on over, partner.
- All right, great.
729
00:24:11,162 --> 00:24:12,964
- You know, this show's
got great buzz.
730
00:24:12,997 --> 00:24:15,142
It's really about how things
don't seem as they appear.
731
00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:18,503
{\an8}[overlapping shouting]
732
00:24:20,505 --> 00:24:21,782
{\an8}- Press play,
we're watching this now.
733
00:24:21,806 --> 00:24:22,741
{\an8}- Come on.
734
00:24:22,774 --> 00:24:25,610
{\an8} - ♪ All right
come on baby ♪
735
00:24:25,643 --> 00:24:29,614
{\an8} ♪ Fresh cut grass
and a piece o' ass ♪
736
00:24:29,647 --> 00:24:33,385
{\an8} ♪ Two blessed things
that were born to last ♪
737
00:24:33,418 --> 00:24:37,389
{\an8} ♪ Get your fill now
'cause they're going fast ♪
738
00:24:37,422 --> 00:24:40,992
{\an8} ♪ You got your fresh cut grass
and a piece o' ass come on ♪
56887
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
