Original subtitles

(light instrumental music)

(horns blaring)

(exciting orchestral music)

(light orchestral music)

(waves crashing)

Your brandy, sir.

A lovely morning, sir.

A sight for sore eyes.

That'll be the Wicklow Hills coming up sir.

They coming up too?

There'll be anything more sir?

Yes, another brandy,

and one for my mother if she's still alive.

(waves crashing)

So this is Ireland?

Wait till you get there, it'll be worth it.

Nothing could be worth what I've been through.

Try not to think about it.

All you've got to do is concentrate.

Think of that lovely girl, that open-headed Irish heart,

those big, long, excuse me.

Did you find Miss Baby?

I did, at last, she was out ferrotting flat on her stomach

with her nose in the burrow, she's coming now.

(loud metal crash)

Oh.

God it be! I must remember to make

Johnny remember to fix that thing.

There you are.

Oh there you are!

Joannie?

Yes, Cousin Maude's dress from Dublin.

So I can go to the dance after all.

Well, if you can get clean by tomorrow night.

Well, there'd be no need to get me

clean if you can't make the dress fit.

I shan't bother unless you do it.

Let's try it on.

All right.

(fabric ruffling)

Joan, look it's a swine!

It would fit me and the Dublin Fusiliors!

Well, considering Cousin Maude weighs 14 stone,

and eats all around her then it's too bad for her.

Let's see what we can do.

I'll never get a man like this!

If a girl has such bosoms like this.

Oh, wait now. I think we're going to be lucky.

It's just your height by the time I put a few gathers here,

and a lift on the shoulder.

Ugh, the colour would frighten a banshee.

Well, the colour we'll change at night, don't be silly.

Oh if only it didn't smell so of cousin Maude.

Hm, an expensive smell.

It makes me sick.

Me too.

Honestly, you know Baby I don't

think it is going to be too bad.

When I'm finished with it you won't know it!

Won't I? You'd be surprised.

Well, look.

There. What you think of it now?

At least it isn't so bad,

I really look as if I have some nice bosoms.

All the same, I wish Father let us have some new clothes.

I wouldn't mind how cheap they were

as long as they were new and didn't smell of Cousin Maude.

(formal orchestral music)

Oh there you are you spalpin!

That's fast asleep.

I was not. I was trying to remember what I disremember.

Yes, and what's that?

How can I tell you when I don't remember?

Miss Baby's glamour books, now why were you away so long?

My bicycle punctured and then I missed the bus,

and then I had to call the post office

and what with a stone in my shoe.

Yes, anything else?

Yes, there was something else.

What was it?

Sure, that's what I disremember.

Well you better call it to mind,

or the sir will flay you alive,

and it will be off with you to the

yard and chop some of that wood.

Do you want all of us to catch

our death of colds in the kitchen?

(lighthearted orchestral music)

Glamour.

(door closes)

Ah look, there's glamour indeed.

Well, heavens child, isn't it very bare?

James?

What?

Put another log on the fire.

Yes miss.

If Sir Richard sees a bigger fire than that he'd eat me.

Yes, but he won't be back till tea time.

If that's true then you must be perished in that dress,

if you can call it a dress at all.

(gasp) My glamour books I thought

James had forgotten about it.

(loud metal clanging)

I forgot to remind Johnny to remember to fix that.

Miss Joan, you mind the chill you got

when you went stripped to your first ball?

It was 12 years ago.

And you don't look a day older.

Oh, thank you James.

There's Miss Bijou's milk getting cold.

She'll grumble if there's a skin on it.

(gong rings)

(snoring)

I meself would have preferred you in blue.

Blue.

A girl is always safe in blue.

Too safe.

Oh Joannie I do wish we had two boys to go with tomorrow.

We've shared poor Michael so often.

Michael is very fond of you.

Darling Michael, he's grand, he's tall, he's dark, he's-

but he's yours, not mine.

Oh, but Michael's very fond of you too.

Yes darling, but it's a little different.

Yes, I think I'd better go and hit the gong.

Bijou must be getting deaf.

(gong ringing)

(snoring)

(small metal objects clinking)

Joannie, why don't you get him to tell Father?

I have tried, but you know what Michael is.

(car driving on gravel)

Sound the horn Michael, me boy,

Mrs. Foloy is sure to be asleep.

(car horn)

It's a right puzzle to know who

to put in a lodge gate nowadays.

They're either raising families or breeding pigs.

Ah you better go and open the gate yourself,

there's a good boy.

All right.

I think you might have sounded

the gong for me, my darlings.

[Baby] We did Aunt Bijou, you must have been asleep.

Nonsense. You know I never sleep.

Mercy on us! Where's my milk?

It's over there.

What a nasty skin.

And no biscuit, not that I could eat that.

I don't think that is at all a becoming dress.

I don't like this dress at all, my darling.

It's a hideous dress, my darling.

Now how about a nice blue dress?

A girl is always safe in blue.

Where are you going in that nasty dress?

To a dance.

Oh, why would you want to do that?

My darling, you'll only catch a cold.

Yes, it's about all I will catch in this pretty gown.

Oh Baby, I'm doing my best.

I don't why everybody wants to go to a dance,

they'd be much better off in bed.

I'll never get myself a husband staying in bed.

Well, who wants a husband?

No lady ever thinks of such a nasty thing, till it happens.

I think of it often.

I want one and I'll have one.

My darling, the ladies of our family don't marry.

I didn't marry.

And Aunt Agnes and Aunt Kathleen

never thought of such a thing.

And there's our dear little Joan.

Joannie might give you a dirty surprise yet.

(door closes)

The Sir is blasting his horn for Mrs. Foloy,

he be coming up the drive.

I must be taking that log off quick before he sees it.

Miss Baby, you can't be seen here like that,

now go up to your room, quick!

What am I going to do about this blasted dress?

Wait until I come up.

Would you fasten yourself up please before he comes?

She looks like a nursing kangaroo.

Such a nasty pain in my little inside, my darling.

You'll never get to unpin me.

I'll come up there as soon as I can,

and while you're waiting you can tidy yourself up.

(door slams)

James, you won't forget to put my money on.

I'm going to send the kitchen maid in on her

bicycle when the family is at dinner.

Are we wise, I wonder, to back Mercury?

He'll be a very short price.

With that weight they must fancy him.

Look here what Robin Goodfellow says.

You've been cutting the papers again,

I'm very careful, James.

I do it in the bathroom with the door locked.

I don't know what's going to happen when the Sir

finds out you've been betting again.

Like we did when we had the housekeeping money,

(chuckles) those were the days.

Did we put Mercury in the double?

We did. Him and Beau Gesto.

Ah yes, Beau Gesto.

Hey!

Now what does Captain

Cuttle say about him? - He's coming up the drive

now put them away.

Don't go dropping them about like confetti now.

(light hearted orchestral music)

Thanks for the lift Michael.

Oh yes good Sir.

Oh, you better come in and have a cup of tea.

Oh, thank you Sir.

Oh, and while you're here you

might take a look at that Solario colt.

I don't like the look of that fotloek.

Now why isn't the tea ready?

It's a right puzzle to know what

the servants do with their time nowadays.

That bell doesn't ring, my darling.

These electric bells are confounded expense,

always costing money.

Why isn't the tea ready, Joan?

You said five o'clock.

I'll go and tell them at once.

No, I'll go. Well then, let me help.

Right.

Knew you'd come.

What is Joan doing with that common young man, my darling?

Where the devil are my cards?

He can have his tea in the servant's hall.

Who are you talking about?

Why that young stable boy.

What do you mean Michael?

(metal clanging)

Why the devil doesn't Johnny get that mended?

His mother wore a red petticoat and a shawl, my darling.

Who? Johnny's?

No, Byrne's, and he went to the

National school in bare feet.

And I know a lot of worse fellows

who went to Eton in spets.

But his mother wore a red petti-

His mother is dead, and what business is it of yours?

He's a right lad. He can ride 11 stone if he's wanted to.

He's a clever vet and a good judge of a horse,

and besides all that I'm very fond of the lad.

That's why I brought him up.

Here Michael, you take this.

If the Sir found out I wonder what he'd do to her?

It isn't what he'd do to her, it's what he'd do to him.

It's been so long so long since

we've had a minute together.

How long?

300 years.

(chuckles) Three days.

Well, long enough. But now there's tomorrow.

Mind you pick us up early and don't let

Father buttonhole you for anything.

I'm not going to miss one, darling.

No, I'll try not to.

I've nothing to wear, only that old

black dress I've been wearing for the last six years.

And you've been looking lovely in

it for the last six years.

Now remember, Michael comes to my house whenever I chose,

so you can mind your manners Miss

or you can take your meals in your own room.

Whichever you prefer.

But the girls, my darling.

(shutters) How cold is it in here?

Ah, now I see what you are after.

Haven't the girls known Michael all their lives?

You weren't the only one to see

him going to school in bare feet.

They're no more likely to fall

in love with him than you are.

You never had a fancy for one of the stable lads or did-

or did you?

Nasty, nasty cold.

Oh my darling, is that a nice thing to say to me?

Well is it a nice thing for you

to be saying about the girls?

That's better, tea at last!

You won't forget about the colt Michael?

Byrne, my stick.

Miss Bijou.

Thank you, Byrne.

The chocolate cake! (grunts)

Is that all that's left of the chocolate cake?

If those idle sluts of servants would only do

a stroke of work in the house instead of cramming

themselves with food and drinking tea,

it would be a nice change.

Look at the grate in my bedroom,

well go on, look at it.

Go halfway up the chimney with paper and empty matchboxes.

That lovely chocolate cake, my favourite cake.

Oh why don't lock the storeroom door, my darling?

You know very well you had most

of it for breakfast this morning.

Not all that much, I'm sure.

James, tell Brighty to put a dash of

anchovies through the egg sandwich, will you?

The anchovies out Miss Joan.

Miss Bijou had the last of it on

her savoury toast on Tuesday.

I do like a nice bit of savoury toast.

Thank you.

I think I'd take a look at the Solraio colt Sir Richard.

[Sir Richard] I want to concentrate!

Eight.

Two.

Three.

Now where's the three.

I swear I had a three somewhere.

Blast it! Where's the three?

Black three, ah.

That's better.

I remember what I disremembered.

This telegram in me pocket all the time.

I couldn't remember what Mrs. O'Brien said it was

and then I remembered that she said it was urgent.

God help us all, Johnny.

I'll give it to the sir right away.

[Sir Richard] What are you doing

hanging about at that door?

Well it is you see it's a telegram sir,

they gave it to Johnny at the post office

and he forgot it.

Well, what's he doing with a telegram anyway?

Well, you refuse to pay the porterage and so-

That will do, Miss!

Well open it, man, open it!

Tony and I arriving with luck tea-time, we hope.

Can you put us up for two nights? Titty.

No, Tiny. Of course we can't.

Who are they, Joan? Friends of yours?

No, but lets chance them.

Poor Baby does so need a boy for the dance tomorrow night.

I'll have no more needless expense.

Oh please, Father!

Oh very well, but I will not give

them champagne for two nights.

Who's Titty, James, uh, Tiny?

Show the wire, Miss.

Oh! That'll be Mrs. Fox-Collier and young Mr. Anthony.

They're friends of your Da's, Miss.

Oh yes, I remember, yes, yes.

Tiny, I used to call her, hmm, she was a right sport.

I might be giving them champagne for two nights after all.

[Miss Bijou] A wicked woman, my darling!

I remember her divorce.

Don't let her near the girls, Richard.

It's going to be early to bed for you Bijou.

Oh no my darling, please let me stay up.

I've never seen such a wicked woman before.

Well no more talk about divorce,

Lionel Fox-Collier was a horrible fellow,

and she was well rid of him.

What did he do to her?

Beat her and knocked her about, poor little thing,

and then dragged her through the divorce court.

She didn't look a poor little thing in the photographs.

And she was simply bouncing about the divorce court.

Dragged her indeed, she gave back answers to the judge too.

I remember as if it was yesterday.

You can keep your nose out of the divorce news, Miss.

Giving yourself ideas.

Tiny was always a woman of sprit.

I wonder what happened to the money though,

Lionel wasn't too rich, and he was very mean.

I'll have to get some provisions,

there's nothing in the store room but salt and floor polish.

No extravagants mind, none of those

damned expensive tinned sardines.

Well, we'll have to have the bath fire lit too.

Now look here, Joan, I'm not going to have

you and baby making visitors the excuse

for taking hot baths everyday yourselves.

That fire burns a fortune in coal.

I suppose you don't mind if we tie down

the bath plug as we did when the Bishop was staying?

Then we could always slip in and have their bath water.

[Sir Richard] I have no objections to that.

Good. Now let's hope they are as clean as the Bishop.

Well, this won't do, we better get busy, James,

or there will be nothing for them to eat

and no where for them to sleep.

We'll put the boy in Aunt Kathleen's room

and Mrs. Fox-Collier can have Cromwell's room.

To think of a woman like that in Oliver Cromwell's bed!

Miss Bijou, have a care.

Oh my darling, I didn't mean anything.

Will you be waiting tea for them sir?

Hadn't you better? That'll save making it twice over.

All right, and I'll find Michael

and tell him to catch a salmon for tomorrow.

That'll be a help.

I wonder if I ought to tell Johnny to kill a lamb.

Oh not for such a wicked woman, my darling!

I will, if he's not too busy.

(cheerful orchestral music)

Is it stuck ye are?

Well, ye can stay there till ye

decided to become unstuck again.

Ah, idling again are ya, you scoundrel?

Idlin'? And I's strivin' to get enough energy

to pull that devil of a saw out of that log.

Idlin'? I ain't overtaxing me strength.

Did you clean out the ivy in those gutters?

Well, I'll tell your honour no lie,

I did not, because I wasn't able.

Believe you me I've got enough to do

cuttin' timber for the house and the ladder's broke on me.

Let alone Miss Baby and me an hour

or more mending punctures in her bicycle.

So what with the rain and rheumatics I wasn't

able to come at it, but with the help

of God I'll do it in the morning.

Any more excuses?

Them's not excuses!

Believe you me, I would hardly get

time to bless meself with all the work that does me in.

I know, fogging your pipe and

pinching the maids in the kitchen

and keeping yourself dry that's

all you'd be doing if I weren't hunting you all day.

Aye, and how dry I was streeling the long

plantation looking for kindling for the cook.

Ugh, the servants! Do they eat the kindling?

Why don't you lap it up on them?

Am I a bloody jailer?

Believe you me, them girls be like jackdaws after twigs.

And believe you me, I don't pay you wages

to be tending the kitchen maids with twigs.

Those gutters have got to be clean,

and there was another thing I came specially to tell you.

And what was that, your honour?

I don't know, you've driven it clear out of me head.

♪ Oh from mornin' cay the other day, ♪

♪ A big square ship ship she sailed away, ♪

♪ She was bound for a port down Dublin bay, ♪

♪ And her cargo it was mud. ♪

Now I know what a real Irish welcome is like.

Think you better hoot again?

(car horn)

(car door closing)

Excuse me!

Oh can you tell me please, is this Woodroofe Hall?

Oh yes! Sir Richard Furze's place.

Do you know Sir Richard.

Oh yes.

Are you a relation?

I'm a-

Oh I'm so sorry to go on like this,

but you do look rather dear.

Tell me, what is he like now, not fat.

Oh, he's the most handsome old man you've ever seen.

Old. (laugh) That's fantastic.

Tell me does he still ride?

Oh yes, in a quiet sort of a way.

Thank you so much, is it far to the house?

Oh, quite a bit, quite, but I'll back

my car out of the way then you can get in.

Thank you.

Oh I can't help smiling cause of the dashing

days of Punchtown, he was really definitely a chap.

Well, here we are Mother dear,

and I hope you're right about the Irish welcome

and the lovely daughter.

(both laughing)

(cheerful orchestral music)

(car door closes)

(laughing)

Don't say it.

Now this place reminds me of that mystery ship,

the Maddy something or other.

Are there anymore bells?

Mary Celeste!

Who was?

That was the name of the ship, darling.

Oh look here's another bell.

Aw yes.

I can't hear anything.

[Miss Bijou] That bell doesn't ring, my darling.

Oh It's Bijou! It is Bjiou, isn't it?

Now tell me, are we being the most

crashing bore arriving like this?

Yes, indeed you are.

Where is everybody?

Nobody ever tells me anything.

And does Miss Bijou remember the Tiny one?

I should just think I do.

(door closes)

Oh hello James! How are you?

I'm very well indeed, thank you ma'am.

How's yourself?

You don't remember me, surely?

I was with Peto last time I was here,

but we won't say how long ago that was.

Oh, I remember. Do you mind that salmon

I gaffed for you at the tail of a tinker's stream, Ma'am?

Do I not? My first salmon, thrill of my life.

This is my son.

A fine boy.

How you doing?

Miss Joan will be along any minute now,

should I show the young gentleman where to put his car?

Thank you.

Thanks very much, and I'll help you with the bags.

I shan't be able for my tea if I don't get it soon.

Poor dear, shall I-

Mrs. Fox-Collier, I am so sorry, James didn't tell me,

I'm so glad to see you.

How you- (metal clink)

Oh, that's always happening.

I'll get Johnny to fix it when he isn't busy.

So you're Joan, it's nice to see you.

It's been such a long time, you got our wire?

Could I fly upstairs?

Most important, I'm so filthy.

Your room is all ready.

I wonder where Tony's put my case.

It's got all my bits and pieces in it.

Oh there it is.

Oh let me.

Okay, please help me darling.

[Jean] This way.

Darling, I've had such an awful journey, I'm so exhausted.

I was sick as a cow on the boat,

so much dope and brandy I feel quite poopsy still.

I can't get rid of the nasty little

contact out of the hatbox.

And we had hell getting the car off the boat

and the dreary, inattentive little porter,

haven't had the guts and resolution to make my face since.

Shall I help you unpack?

What a lovely room! Yes, will you?

I see you have one of those angelic dispositions.

Don't let me take advantage.

I could just look at my face.

This dress, why doesn't Tony bring up the bags?

Oh your son yes, where is he?

James took him round to the garage.

You haven't seen him yet, have you?

You'll like him.

I hope.

They'll send up the rest of your

luggage from the car, sir.

Oh that's so kind of you because

I'm as tired as a dog, really.

All I want to do is put my poor old feet

and have a nice read of the paper, if I had a paper.

Well, I'll send Johnny, see if he can try to find one.

That's if he's not too busy.

Oh, uh, I will inform you when tea is served.

Oh thank you very much.

Where is Miss Joan, she said she'd unpin me ages ago.

Miss Joan's busy, we've got guests.

Guests? Who are they?

Never you mind, Miss, just go back to

your own room and wait for Miss Joan.

(gasps) Oh, I'm so sorry, I must have woken you.

Yes you did.

How awful of me.

Are you going to be staying here?

Yes, didn't you know?

I can't believe it, I simply can't believe it!

Will you be here tomorrow night?

Uh, I hope so.

Oh, oh, I'd like to touch you to make sure you're real.

Go ahead and make sure as you like.

Oh no, this is no way to behave.

Oh James would be cross with me if he

thought I went about touching men.

That's no way to go on.

James?

Our butler.

Oh yes,

yes of course.

May I offer you a cigarette?

[Tony] Delighted, I'm sure.

There aren't any.

Don't mention it.

Do you know, I don't even know your name.

Tony.

Tony, huh, that's a nice name.

What's yours?

I'm Baby-

I mean, I'm Mariella Furzo.

[Tony] Oh, I'm Fox-Collier, Tony Fox-Collier.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Now can we go back to where we started?

We've got so polite.

Oh, don't let's stop, I was just

going to put my glamour across.

Oh were you? Can't be very glamourous in an eiderdown.

Actually, no girl can really be

glamourous unless she wears gloves.

Lady Ponds says so.

Do you read her pages too?

Certainly I do, I never miss one.

She does give terribly good advice.

You know, my trouble is I can not find a man

to practise it on, or if I do find one,

I can never be as restrained as all that.

That ruins everything, doesn't it?

Yes, doesn't it?

I think you're sweet.

Aw, but I'm not so awfully restrained though.

Do be careful of me, won't you?

Miss Baby!

Will you go to your room at once.

It's all right James, I've got my eiderdown on.

Eiderdown? Eiderdown!

You might as well be in the bed just the way you are.

Will you never learn to conduct yourself like a young lady?

Now be off with you, or I'll tell Sir Richard on you.

How am I going to get out of this cursed dress, James?

I'm pinned in it. Where's Miss Joan?

Have you no patience? She's busy.

Well send Roise Pholan to me.

She's killing ducks.

But where's May?

She's making the fire for the bath water.

All right, Bridio then.

She's gone to bed with an inward pain.

Come now and unpin me yourself.

I will not.

Go on James, do.

Am I a sewing Judy to fill me mouth with pins?

Now come along.

All right, if your so nasty, Mr. Fox-Collier will help me.

Miss Baby have you no shame to

say the likes of that before a strange gentleman?

Come and unpin me yourself then.

Oh, I will. God help me.

Come on now, you'll only slip me.

Of all the devils of young ladies,

tis yourself that's the queen!

Oh, eh, by the way sir.

Tea is now served.

(Happy orchestral music)

[Miss Bijou] Oh it's you.

Yeah.

It's long past my proper tea time,

but nobody ever give me a thought.

Well now you're here you might give

me a little piece of that sponge cake.

No, wait wait! What's in the sandwiches?

Egg and lettuce?

Well, I'll have two.

I may as well have three, before somebody comes

and eats them all.

Bring them over here by me, will you?

Thank.

Well, it's a, been a nice day.

If only I've had a nice cup of tea.

But there's nobody to pour it out for me.

Shall I?

Thank you.

Put the cream in first.

That's the milk jug.

One lump of sugar, nice big lump.

There, now the tea.

That'll do!

Thank you.

Not the same thing at all as the tea

out of my own dear little pot.

Ah, I can imagine.

Do you mind if I had a cup myself?

I feel a little weak and low.

Well, hadn't you better wait till the others come down?

Yes, perhaps you're right.

My brother'll be back soon.

I expect he's looking at the horses.

Oh, you interested in racing?

Well no.

Well yes. (chuckles)

Well, well, we've always trained a few horses here you know.

But of course the ladies of our family don't bet.

Now what should you say should win the 3.30 tomorrow?

Mercury.

Splendid. And the four o'clock?

Beau Gesto.

Capital.

Are you quite sure you don't have a little gamble?

Oh dear me no, my brother wouldn't like it at all.

But I do know that Beau Gesto was

giving five pounds to Saint Julian

when he beat him half a length at Lingfield.

That's correct.

Now tell me, would you say a three year old

was well in the Ebar with 7.13?

Well Rhodes was carrying 9.7 when he won it.

I say, you know your stuff.

(laughing)

Oh I have a little look at the papers no and then.

And never a gamble?

Ah well, if you did I was going to suggest,

but of course you wouldn't be interested.

Oh indeed, I should, really I should, do tell me.

Well, it's straight from the stable,

and is the worst kind of tip,

but they have a strong fancy- - Ah ah, shush.

[Sir Richard] Why didn't anybody

tell me that they are here?

Whisper quick1

Ice Flow at 4:30.

(metal clanking)

Hello, I suppose that you are Tony.

How are you? - How are you doing?

Delighted to see you here. How's your mother?

Very well, thank you sir.

Do you know, I remember as if it were yesterday

seeing her on that four year old of Dick Pheanons.

Out of control half the time,

and adoring every minute of it.

Well, of course that was, uh...

well, she was then...

Tell me my boy, has she changed much?

Does she still hunt?

Oh yes sir, but of course sir,

on a low-geared horse and a strong double bridle these days.

Oh what a change, what a change.

I shall never be able to think of Tiny as an old lady.

All of the passing years, there it is my boy, that's life.

[Miss Bijou] She must be 58, my darling, at least.

Quite an elderly person.

Oh no Bijou, dear, 60.

Tiny!

Richard, how nice to see you.

My dear, welcome back.

It's too many years since you were last here.

Time for things like this to happen.

[Tiny] Oh, it's quite a nice thing, you like him.

That bell doesn't-

I know.

James!

I'll have some fresh tea made, that must be cold.

Will you pour out?

Love to darling. Oh I've forgotten the Georgian silver.

Watch her Richard.

James, some fresh tea quickly please,

and will you tell the others we're ready.

And James?

Miss Bijou is very tired, she'll

be having her dinner in bed.

Very good sir.

[Sir Richard] And, uh, James.

Stack up the fire.

Stack up the fire?

[Sir Richard] Well don't stand gaping there!

(cheerful orchestral music)

Oh what a wicked woman.

[Cook] Hurry up with those sprouts!

Where is Rose Phelon?

She's helping Johnny cut up the lamb.

Well tell Bridgette I want her.

Bridgette is in the pantry with James decanting the port.

Holy be, we haven't had such goings on since the old days.

What a dinner it's going to be.

(cheerful orchestral music)

(dishes clanging)

Now I must cut off Bijou's,

she'll not be hungry being in bed.

(formal orchestral music)

And I thought you were supposed to be in bed, Miss Bijou.

I'd just been to my own little bank, James,

and drawn out my own little savings.

Indeed. And what may you be going

to do with your own little savings?

I want you to put them all on

a little horse called Ice Flow.

Miss Bijou I'm ashamed of you,

you've stolen the housekeeping!

That's nothing to do with you James.

I wish 10 pounds on Ice Flow to win.

Bijou, I thought we were on Mercury and Beau Gest?

Beau Gest? No, no not now Ice Flow's an owner's tip.

It simply can't lose!

Well that's a terrible gamble, surely!

What are we going to do if it doesn't come off?

Oh don't excite yourself, James.

Didn't Mr. Fox-Collier tell me

that it was the biggest certainty in racing?

Now see you put the money on.

Very good Miss.

Your really smart tonight James.

Aw it's for the visitors.

Oh James that dreadful woman.

That Mrs. Fox-whatever-

Now Miss Bijou that's no way to speak before a servant

and well you know it.

If you'll be said by me, you'll pack off to bed now

and have your dinner.

Mrs. Fox-Collier is a very nice lady.

No she's not a very nice lady, James,

she's a very wicked woman.

Fine.

And another thing she'll get Sir Richard you see

and another thing, what will become of us all then!

No will wits now, and have your dinner.

I can't eat a thing James, really I can't.

Oh Miss Bijou.

I've a horrid little pain coming on.

Well then try and steal a mouthful

and I'll put a drop of whisky in your hot milk

and you'll be asleep in two twos.

And a shake of sugar and a dust

of cinnamon does my inside good.

I will.

But I still don't think Mrs.

Fox-Collier is a very nice lady.

There you are.

Well, here's to you Tiny, it's good to have you here.

It's good to be here.

That's the 89 I swear.

That's me old Tiny. (laughs)

Well, it's that sort of occasion.

I haven't touched any myself for I don't know how long.

So glad you haven't spoiled your

palate with those damn cocktails.

Oh I never drink them.

You know I think 25 years has almost improved it.

25 years! You don't look it.

Neither of us does.

(both laugh)

Are you sure you wouldn't have

rather stayed in there with them

and had some of Father's port?

It's very special.

No thanks, I never touch it,

I leave it to the old folks, they seem to enjoy it.

Joan, will you play something?

All right.

And you stay and talk to me,

there's lots you can tell me before the others come in.

(classical piano music)

So you'll come to the dance?

Oh I don't know, I'll tell you tomorrow.

♪ One morning when May in her glory ♪

♪ Was sweet with a hearth and plough ♪

Joan's grown into a very nice girl.

Joan? Yes. Hardly a girl any longer.

No attachments?

No, no, no she not that sort of woman.

only some of them don't get a chance.

Have another glass.

Oh she's happy enough, looks after the house,

does a bit of riding, fond of horses,

helps Michael keep an eye on them, very useful.

Michael? Oh yes he's attractive.

Yes, a damned good chap. I practically brought him up.

But he's different.

I suppose Joan would make a very good match,

if the right person came along.

I suppose everything goes to her.

Yes, but I'm good for another twenty years meself.

Oh more than.

(laughs)

Still, you'd come down pretty handsomely if she did marry.

You know I like that boy of yours Tiny,

he does you credit.

♪ It was good lorn she said. ♪

♪ I wish I had chance to speak then ♪

♪ But I managed to not err a word ♪

♪ Just stood and gazed after that ♪

♪ Calling by the fort of the singing bird ♪

[Tiny] Charming Michael.

[Sir Richard] Thank you Michael.

I wonder what the weather is going to be like?

I think it's going to be fine.

I think it's going to be lovely.

I'm sorry you came.

It's just as you say, dear, open hearth and a lovely girl.

Yes she is lovely isn't she?

(classical piano music)

Well, Tony my boy, how are we

going to entertain you tomorrow?

What about seeing some of the horses at the jumps?

Exactly.

You too, Joan.

Let's all go.

Well, as long as it's not at the crack of dawn.

(exciting orchestral music)

Damn that colt! Never could put a foot right!

Gosh I hope Michael's all right.

Well, you see how it is Joan,

how can I stand up to the Sir?

He's so grand about things like that.

The Solario Colt makes a bad mistake in closing,

does he go on saying I fell off?

He hardly could darling, the horse was on the floor.

Yes, but most owners would say,

"That bloody fellow fell off."

♪ One morning in May when the flowers ♪

♪ Were sweet with the Hawthorn flowers ♪

♪ I walked by the stream in the valley ♪

♪ And back at the golden hours ♪

♪ But there was a scene of enchantment ♪

(muffled singing)

Isn't that the song Michael sang to Joan last night?

You guessed about them?

Well anyone could tell.

Don't the others know, surely?

They're a secret.

Let's talk.

All right, what should we talk about?

Anything?

I know.

How nice your hair smells.

What does it smell of?

All sorts of things.

What?

Heather, myrtle, and the dead mice.

You pig, anything else?

Oh hay, the very best hay.

That's a lot of good to a girl, try again.

What colour are my eyes?

I don't know, but they're lovely.

And what colour?

Not bad. Try again.

Better. (laugh) I wonder what the others are doing?

Nothing a nice as this.

I think he'll be all right now, sir.

That's all right, Michael, think no more about it.

It was my fault I shouldn't have jumped him

with that tred problem.

We'll be seeing you tonight then, Michael, after dinner.

All right sir, and I'll bring that salmon along.

Yes do, and I'll see how Johnny

is getting on with those gutters.

♪ Oh the captain's nose was red as a carrot ♪

♪ It got that way through drinking Clarot ♪

♪ And the boys often said won't you bring us a parrot ♪

♪ When you coming from far ♪

Yeah, idling again are ya scoundrel.

Now what about the ivy in those gutters?

Well what about?

What about it you?

I'll have to wait until the ladder's mended.

Well, get it mended.

I'll have to wait till the weather takes up a bit.

Now see here Johnny, you put three

rungs in that ladder, and you're up at those shoots

at nine o'clock tomorrow morning

and every morning until the jobs done.

Understand?

Yes, and who is going to clean the boots

and pump the water and feed the dogs and the cats

and Miss Baby's budgerigars, aye and 101 odd jobs.

What is it that you take me for?

An electrician?

I take you for an idle, good for nothing,

stupid old fool whom I employ out of Christian charity

and I want no back answers or out you go.

Now, those are my orders, will

you obey them or will you not?

♪ By all the men that works on your estate ♪

♪ By all the men that died in '98 ♪

♪ By all the hair on your head ♪

♪ And the beard on my face ♪

♪ And the great Lord Harry ♪

♪ And all the Trees in Newton Barry ♪

♪ I'll do it your honour, I will ♪

Well see that you do.

Yes sir.

♪ Oh she sailed away past Adtson's Cay ♪

♪ When a storm arose out in the bay ♪

♪ And the captain twice was heard to say ♪

♪ She'll never break the storm ♪

Ah there you are, you better be out of the way

before the sir comes out to what happened at dinner.

Oh James that dreadful woman.

Did Iceflow win?

Devil a bit wiser am I, that old

wind instrument of a wireless broke down

between a lecture and an organ recital in Manchester

and not a note out about it.

Oh James the suspense is terrible,

all the housekeeping money!

We'll have to wait for the morning papers!

Come along now.

I'm very worried.

Very very bothered and worried,

and nobody minds not one of them ever gives me a thought,

and I have a horrid little pain coming on.

Up you go or there will be trouble.

Oh Miss Bijou, you've been cutting the papers again.

Oh I just have to take Captain Cuttle up to bed with me.

I think I've got a photograph of your father

taking a wicked tumble at Punchtown in '09.

Would you like to see?

Yes, yes I'd like sir, very much.

You would? I'll get it for you.

James!

Oh James!

[James] Sir.

Bring in my album will you?

[James] Oh yes sir, yes

A horse called the Red Boy,

he couldn't ride one half of him.

Cigar?

No I got this thing here.

Thank you.

Thank you James.

Ah there we are, Cunningham Cup '09,

Tony Lubbock, Lionel Fox-Collier.

(chuckles) and that's me.

Not bad.

And that's me finishing.

Oh, hot picture.

Ah, we rode like gentlemen in those days.

We didn't climb up the horse's neck

like the flat race jockey boys.

Turn over.

That's me winning the 200 pound chase at Limerick.

And that's me at a lawn meet here,

I had Joan on a leading rein.

Turn over.

George Wheelright, Freddie Pytchley,

Johnny Hampton, all old men now.

And that's me taken at Johnny's wife's funeral.

A grand day for scent it was,

but of course we couldn't hunt.

Corpse in the house you know.

Turn over.

Ah, there's Joan winning a jumping competition at Dungereer.

Nice seat isn't she, sir?

So glad I thought of it for you.

It's perfectly lovely.

It ought to be, it cost the Earth.

Poor Livy still waiting for the money.

One would be insane to pass by a model like that,

now wouldn't one?

Or am I being a bit too optimistic?

And there's another thing about Joan,

she used to ride very well,

and it's a great advantage to whoever marries her

that she not so keen about it now.

Nothing so tiresome as a wife who always

wants to ride your best horse.

Don't you agree.

Quite.

And it's extraordinary the interest she takes

in the horses if they're laid up.

She'll spend hours out there with

Michael if a horse is sick or sorry.

An asset to any stable.

Ah yes I'm sure she is.

Is that Baby?

Yes, winning her first point to point.

And that's me leading her in.

Oh doesn't she look sweet.

Aren't I sweet?

Joannie how lovely.

Isn't she? You look rather nice yourself Baby.

Not bad, but not as nice as Joannie.

Anyway I wanted to let you know I got

dressed for the ball and, uh, I've got it.

Did you ask Father to buy the tickets?

Yes, and he won't.

You've got no technique. I'll show you.

What's this one of Baby?

Oh that, uh...

That's me again.

Yeah.

Oh look! Here's another one of Baby.

Yes, she's a funny little thing, isn't she?

Well one of us is ready.

I don't think much of that dress your wearing Miss,

it's very tight and far too low in the front.

Well, it's worse at the back.

It's a disgrace.

Oh pooh, it's you Baby.

It's that touch of perfume behind the ears,

and on the wrist, I suppose that's from the glamour page.

Well, you're a bum because it costs three

a six for that much, I think it's lovely.

Don't you like it, Father?

Oh pooh, no I do not Miss, you smell like a-

Well, I won't say it.

Go and wash yourself.

Father, if I wash and scour myself,

will you pay for the tickets?

I will not!

How much are the things?

12 and six each.

12 and six pence to go to a rotten dance hall

and catch your death of cold?

Oh very, well, I'll pay, but if only to get rid of you.

Here Tony, here's a fiver.

Buy a bottle of supper with the change.

Thank you very much.

Da you're an angel!

[Tiny] Yes, isn't he?

Take that smell away!

Ah Tiny, what about going into my study

for just a little quiet, I've been showing Tony-

Oh, I'd love to come up and see your pictures!

Uh, don't forget these.

Come along.

When Michael comes tell him we must

do the entries for Lepordstown before he goes dancing.

Damn and curse the entries, that means he'll be late.

Who cares.

Well I'm furious.

I think you're sweet.

I'm not.

Oh Miss Baby, child, quel odour?

Oh, fiei!

Isn't it awful James?

Did you get it too sir?

Miss Baby, better go and wash yourself at once, now do.

I wish you'd both shut up.

I smelled myself all evening and it'll give me

and inferiority complex.

Go and sloosh behind the ears and you'll be grand.

I can't, I'll have to wash my whole head

and there isn't time.

While you're about it give your nails

a touch of the brush, God help you child, they're black.

They're not black.

They're in deep mourning.

Well, you shouldn't call attention to it.

James, get me my fur coat please.

Your fur coat, and it's swilling rain?

I will not. I'll leave you a mackintosh

and you can wear or leave it

behind just whatever you please.

Fine, I'll ask Sir Richard if I can wear it.

Sir Richard gave that coat into my charge

and you'll only wear it if I see it fit you should.

It's too much! It's too much!

Well, he knew you'd go out feeding the hound pups in it

or throw down on your stomach in a foxes' burrow.

Uh, coffee sir.

Yes please.

[James] Brandy, sir?

No, thank you very much.

[James] Miss Baby! If you touch that brandy

I'll tell Sir Richard on you!

Ah, she's a wild ticket, sir, when she's drinking.

All right, I'll tell Sir Richard

I caught you washing your feet in the pantry sink.

Now God help you Miss Baby.

I'd wear the soles of me feet out

before I do a rude and dirty act like that so I would.

And if it's telling tales you are,

does Sir Richard know that you danced six times

with young Foley from the medical hall

at your last ball, oh Miss Baby.

Do I hear Michael?

(happy orchestral music)

(music slows)

I'm sorry I'm late sir, but I had

an urgent call for a sick cow.

Oh darling how interesting!

Was it for an obstetrical? The child doing well?

I'm sorry to say the calf is dead.

It's a poor, decent man who owned it,

and I'm very sorry for him.

Oh I have the salmon here,

so shall I take it to the kitchen?

Thank you, Michael.

I'll take it.

Darling no! Not in that Dress, better let me take it.

Michael will you spare me a minute in my study.

Yes sir.

I'm not going Baby.

I'm not going.

Don't worry I'll talk to her.

Come back soon my puppet, I can't do without you.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Tony you're absolutely hopeless.

You've fallen for the wrong one.

I know, but isn't she sweet?

Of course she's sweet, darling,

but Joan's the one.

Not my one.

Yes, but darling she gets the house

and she gets the money, and when Richard dies,

she'll be a very rich woman.

It's no good Tiny, there are only two things against it,

one, she's crazy about Michael,

and two, deep down in my heart I know I'm in love with Baby,

and I shan't want anyone else, never never.

Oh good heavens child, you can't

fall like that in 24 hours.

But I've done it.

But Tony, it just isn't possible.

We haven't got a brass filing between us.

You know it.

I know it is a bit of a facer for you darling,

the only reason you brought me here was to have a crack

at a certainty and I've fallen for the wrong girl.

I wonder if that was the only

reason why I'm coming back here.

You mean Sir Richard?

Honey, how much do you want him? A lot?

I don't know, I...

and being back here and being with him

and being in Ireland.

You see, I was absolutely crazy about him,

but somehow it just fizzled out.

I wonder if I could, it might be dangerous,

but wouldn't it be fun?

I don't follow, darling.

I mean, play up the chances of my old dream

and get what we both want, wouldn't it be exciting?

I can't do anything with her,

she won't even listen to me.

Now I tell you what to do, you run along to the dance

and leave it to me.

I can't have her waste that lovely dress

after all the trouble I've taken over it.

That I'll see that she and Michael come along later.

Well, where's your fur coat?

Well, James won't let me wear it, the old swine.

[Tiny] Too bad, I'll go and get Joan.

Come on. (both laugh)

(troubled orchestral music)

Jess, are you in love with Micheal?

Really?

So why don't you marry him?

Have you ever been in love with your stud groom?

Of course Darling! When I had one.

He always knew how to put me in my place.

It's just how father is.

And you see it that way too?

What did it matter if I did?

I love him, he loves me.

And he has a conscience, an Irish conscience.

He owes everything to my father, and is just deadlocked.

I know, one of those Irish affairs,

that go on for years and years,

and no one ever gets anywhere.

How old are you Joan?

29.

29? Darling, look at me, you can't go on like this!

You've got to rush this chap!

Come now, you got to face up to the situation.

You're losing everything!

You may look like the lady of the manor,

but you've got to snap him into it his very night,

you've got to go to this dance,

make him blind, make him crazy for you,

anything you like, but you've got to do something.

Here you are looking sweet and lovely,

and any man's money, and what's he doing?

Picking the entries for Lepordstown and Limerick.

Well, I ask you, I do really.

Well, I ask you, I do really.

Well, it was that dress.

But I put it on specially for you, didn't you like it?

I thought I was lovely, and you

the loveliest thing I'd ever seen,

but I hated to see you in it Joan,

it makes things more impossible.

It seemed to take you further away from me than ever.

Michael don't be such an idiot, now listen.

[Tiny] Just nice for a cosy chat

now that they've all gone.

[Sir Richard] I don't know what they

wanted to take two cars for, sheer extravagance.

Don't you Richard? You would have, once.

Well, thank God my dancing days are over.

[Tiny] Don't you ever regret them?

I do not.

You know Tiny, when I think of

all those dear girls I've loved,

and all those good hunts I have ridden,

I don't regret a day of me life.

I regret some of mine, one evening in September-

No, no, no Spring is the time for love.

In September we physic.

You didn't always think that.

I was a hot-headed young ass in those days.

Where in fiddle are those old cards?

These?

What a dear child Baby is.

Ah a good kid, rides well too.

Why not, she's your daughter, I suppose.

They both are, at least so their

dear mother always told me.

But it's Joan I wanted to talk to you about,

you know Tiny, I think it's quite

time Joan was finding a husband.

And you promise never to be like that again?

And you will tell Father?

And you promise to stand up to him and everybody?

I promise, just for you.

[Sir Richard] This hand looks gloomy enough.

I can't move anything either,

still, the poor little Tiny-one

would never play a game of snap even.

(coughing) Will I give permission, sir, for the

young ladies to have breakfast in bed after the ball dance?

You would not, I've never heard of such a thing!

Rotting in bed, a disgusting habit!

Richard, just this once, breakfast

in bed for the young ladies, James

Yes, ma'am.

We were talking about Baby weren't we?

No, no, no it was Joan we were talking about.

You know, just to tell you the truth,

I'm getting a little bit anxious.

It wouldn't be too difficult to find

a really suitable husband for her,

and outward she's a very attractive girl.

Though it was Baby we were talking about.

I'm really fond of Baby.

So am I, and you know, so is Tony.

Love light. Fascinating.

Love light, hell!

Oh no, no, no that's a bit too nippy off the mark,

no that's too quick, I couldn't have that at all.

Oh no.

(orchestral dance music)

How am I doing? Better than Timmy Foloy?

You're not. Not even as well as a major with a stomach.

(orchestral dance music)

(feet tapping)

Well, what are you going to do about it?

About what?

Tony and baby, they're in love with each other.

No, Baby is all together too young.

I can't have her marrying before Joan.

The things absurd.

What's Tony got?

Not much, you know how Lionel left me.

You know every penny I've got is entitled to Joan.

Aren't there even a few loose pennies, Rich?

Damned few.

Richard, you have never done a mean,

or small thing in your life have you?

I don't think my worst enemy could call me mean.

Have another brandy?

Thanks, darling. Such lovely brandy to waste on a woman.

Richard, you've always been a very gallant gambler.

I've made and lost big sums in me time.

All right, I'll play you through the pack.

What for?

If I win, Tony and Baby marry,

and you make up their income to a thousand a year.

And if I win you help with the

match between Tony and Joan.

Good gamble.

I don't know, it's a bit one sided I pay either way.

All right, winner take these, I'll put them in the pot.

I'll do it, which will you have?

I'll stick with these.

All right, we'll shuffle.

(shushing)

Do you want to be listening to something

that'll raise the hair on a bald man.

Would I indeed?

[Sir Richard] Only once through the pack?

[Tiny] Just once.

[Sir Richard] Are you ready then?

- [Tiny] Yes. - [Sir Richard] Right, go!

(cards shuffling)

(orchestral dance music)

I think you're a knock out and a little smashing.

What do you do you think about me?

Well, I think you're most dreadfully jolly.

That's hard to mask, but I must say I agree.

(orchestral dance music)

My shares going up?

They're ballooning!

That's rather nice, my love.

Would you marry me?

But of course!

Whoopee!

(orchestral dance music)

Who will it be, the sir or the lady?

I unpacked the queen of hearts.

I couldn't sleep, Richard.

I think there's a man trying to get into my room.

(shushes) Go away.

The world's full of such nasty.

Black four, black four, I know I had a black four.

My hot water bottle's gone cold

and I've a hurried little pain coming on,

though I had none of the champagne for dinner.

Well then ring for James.

That bell doesn't ring.

I know, I know.

Such a nasty pain in my little inside-

Would you please go away.

Black four, ah.

[Miss Bijou] It's long past your bedtime, my darling.

It's long past your bedtime, my darling.

It's long past your bedtime, Richard!

For goodness sake woman will you go back to bed.

What do you think you are doing down here anyway?

Go back to bed at once! At once you hear!

Nobody minds, not one of them ever gives me a thought.

Five, ah! Now for a run.

Richard I'm out!

You what?

I'm out, dear.

So you are.

I won.

And I've lost.

Poor darling.

The queen of hearts! Didn't I tell you!

Oh what a woman, what a woman, what a woman.

It would knock spark from your eyes

to see the juicy orange she offered.

- It would. - It would delight the dead.

Have some more brandy?

You're a grand loser, Richard.

It reminds me of the day Candy Pie

was beat by a short head at Mellon.

You never turned a hair.

And why should I?

After all, a good gambler must be a good loser.

Allow me, my dear.

(orchestral dance music)

Now mind, you promised.

I'll speak to him Joannie, I promised I will.

Oh Joan, I'm so brave when I'm with you,

but when I'm left alone with Sir Richard,

I'm just a little boy again, picking

grass out of the stones in the yard.

Riding School and gallops in the morning.

Yes, you were Miss Joan to me then.

Oh Michael please.

Anyhow, the very next time.

Very next time. All right, come on then.

("On the Rocky Road to Dublin" insturmental)

(feet tapping)

I'm the MC here.

How you doing?

Look I've been watching you,

and if you don't dance properly I'll forbid you the floor.

Oh don't mind him, it's an old English custom.

Well, let him remember he's in a civilised country now.

I shan't forget.

[Baby] Hurrah!

[Tony] Whoopee!

Ooh, I feel a bit muzzy.

I feel so lovely!

I wonder if James has left us any soup?

I feel lovely too, but a bit whistled.

Jolly good egg, he has!

Still warm.

I can't be certain I've got you, I have, haven't I?

Yes we're engaged, it's a brand new sensation!

Have some soup.

Well, heck, it's a new one on me too,

I've never been engaged before.

I know you've slipped them.

Yes, I've slipped them, and slipped them,

and slipped them.

You'll probably slip me too.

No, no, no, You're different.

What are you going to do without any money?

If we're good, do you think James

would leave us his savings?

If James had any savings, we could ask him.

Don't I smell "Oh pooh" anymore?

No, no, you smell lovely.

What of?

Oh still heather, myrtle, and dead mice.

Nothing else?

Oh yes, hay. Still the very best hay.

Is it my tummy rumbling or is it Bijou getting out of bed?

Excuse me.

It's your tummy rumbling.

Oh.

Oh come back, come back.

No Tony, no. We must go to bed now.

I feel tired as a little dog

and I'm a teeny, weeny bit intoxicated.

Baby, you do love me don't you?

Well only...

That much.

Oh Tony, I thought you were such a charming, handsome,

debonair young man, and you got a sweet little face.

Quite small.

In fact you're a fascinating creature,

but if I don't go to bed, I'll go to sleep any minute.

All right.

(dishware falling)

Goodnight darling.

Goodnight, but I'll still love you in the morning.

Oh I forgot, don't think I'm being girlish or provoking,

but, um, could you cut me out of Cousin Maude?

Wouldn't be too exciting would you?

Not a bit sweetie, but we'll need some scissors.

I have some in my room.

Oh no, no, you mustn't come in.

Bijou said if I was to let a man in my bedroom

he'd lose all his respect for me.

Just the stitches out the back, try not to cut stuff.

I wonder what Bijou would think of this?

She would won't know-

Oi!

Goodnight sweet.

Night, night.

Goodnight.

Whoopee!

Oh look at Baby, leaves the soup on the table.

It's a all right.

Still like my dress, darling?

I think it's lovelier than ever.

[Sir Richard] Michael?

Is that you Michael?

Now remember.

[Sir Richard] Ah, I thought I heard you coming in.

Go down to the yard, there's a good chap,

and take a look at the colt.

I'm very worried about him, I thought I heard him just now.

Yes sir.

No Michael wait.

Wait? Well, what is it?

Well, Michael has something very important to say to you.

Well, whatever it is, it can wait until the morning.

Just look at that fire! Wasting good

timber at this hour of the night!

Well perhaps-

I'm very sorry father I, I'm afraid it can't wait.

Well what is it?

Michael and I are going to get married.

Have you been taken leave of your wits?

The next thing is I won't be able to keep

a stable boy in the place without your running after him.

Michael.

Michael!

That's better.

Well, Michael happens to want to marry me,

don't you Michael?

Nonsense, Miss, Michael's family is far too decent

Isn't that so Michael?

Yes, Sir Richard,

but you see- - What a fine thing

at my time of life to be dragged

into a thing like this at this hour of the night!

Have you no shame at all?

Enticing a nice, decent, young fellow,

10 years younger than yourself?

Two years younger.

Doh, nest thing you'll be wanting

to rear a string of peasants brats to

live in this place where your family's

been since Cromwell's day.

I don't give a curse to the place.

I hate and loathe every stone of it.

Break the entail, leave it to Baby,

oh but for goodness sake, see to it she marries somebody

while she's got the chance.

I don't want her turning into an old maid like me.

Joan, you see-

Don't you come near me, you're

not fit to stand up for yourself or me.

All right stay here and be his servant.

"Yes Sir Richard."

"Of course, Sir Richard."

"You know more about it than I do, Sir Richard."

Oh, I never want to see you again.

All right Michael.

Leave this to me, I'll deal with it.

Just go and take a look at the colt.

I don't blame you and see me in the morning.

Yes Sir Richard.

Now Miss, go to your bed!

I'll go when I want to.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, you'll burn no more oil.

(dishes braking)

Curse the crockery! Leaving things all over the carpet.

(sad orchestral music)

(crying)

Whist child, whist. Sure as perished you are.

Here, now you better have some of this.

Oh try a little of this, Miss Joan.

Aw, come now, just to please old James?

Just a little sip?

That's my good child.

There, there, is that better?

Oh James, nothing can ever be better.

You don't know, you just don't know.

Tis right well, I know, Miss Joan,

the trouble you're in this night.

Did you hear what Sir Richard said?

Every word.

And Mr. Michael?

Aye.

Oh James, not a word out of him, not one word!

Poor Mr. Michael.

Poor Mr. Michael. That's just it,

he is poor Mr. Michael.

Aw now go easy, Miss Joan,

how can you be the judge of Mr. Michael?

You that's gentry born, and he, a poor man's son

that raised up by his own wit and Sir Richard's help.

I'm not judging him, James.

I just don't want to talk about it anymore.

(bottle exploding)

Which end is it?

Ugh, oh it is very wet.

May I take the liberty?

Of course James.

Now listen, Miss Joan, you had no right to give

Mr. Michael the rebuff for the

affront that he gave you just now.

Mr. Michael isn't of your blood or station,

but he's a fine gallant boy, aye, he's a boy worth loving.

I thought so.

Now I don't care if I never see him again.

Miss Joan, now don't be so foolish.

Oh, listen child,

do you want to waste

and suffer on here till you become

poor Miss Bijou all over again, do you now?

Oh James don't frighten me.

I remember her, as if it was yesterday,

a fine head of hair, grand silk dress, blue,

and as light in your step as you are yourself,

a lovely girl, and not a man to court her.

Aw James, I oughtn't be discussing all this with you.

Oh never mind that Miss, I can take a liberty

and know me place after.

Oh, darling James, I didn't mean really, I didn't.

Oh child, it's more than what you are.

Now listen to me, do you want marriage

with Mr. Michael or do you not?

I think of that silly, cowardly-

Yes or no? Do you want it or not?

Yes I do James.

Of course I do.

Yeah that's my grand girl. Well now, look here.

Here's your chance to get what you want from you Da.

Sir Richard's in a dirty fix, Mrs. Fox-Collier,

Mrs. Fox is what, she's got him fixed.

She's got him bewitched, bothered, and bewildered.

But what about, James?

[Miss Bijou] Oh dear me, my hot water bottle is leaking,

I've got a nasty little pain, and I can't find James.

James.

I must go now, I'll get the old lady back to her room,

then you can slip up to yours.

(coughs) I'm coming Miss Bijou.

Pantry in the morn, and I'll tell you what to do.

(cheerful orchestral music)

Good morning to you sir.

Good morning be damned.

(cheerful orchestral music)

Be damned it is.

What a lovely day, oh any day is

a lovely day now I've got a man.

Oh there you are Johnny, you mended the ladder I see.

Aye I made it double.

That's right.

It's good for another 10 years now.

(loud wood creak)

Did you get the morning papers yet?

I did not, the boy was late and I'd fetch them meself,

only I was so busy with all I has to do.

You didn't hear who the winners

on the wireless last night either?

Instrument's broke on me, I never

get a minute for to mend it.

I suppose you didn't happen to hear what won the 4:30?

I did, I think I did.

Was it Iceflow?

Iceflow?

I disremember.

It's a woeful day out here.

And the sir was in a devil of a pout this morning

when I took him up his tea.

[Johnny] Well, well, is that a fact.

And he in a grand, tearing humour yesterday

wearing his new sporting coat, on a weak day too,

when I seen it says I to meself,

we might be seeing queer things happen on Woodroofe yet.

Surely who knows that better than meself.

And the two young ladies caught like blazes.

Sure if they don't court, they can never get married.

Tell me this now, have Miss Baby the young fella captured?

Ah, the little sauce-pot, she's well able to mind herself.

But it's poor Miss Joan that I've got to pity.

Will she ever get her man?

Mr. Michael? She will.

She will, now listen Johnny,

when you hear Mr. Michael's car go round to the yard,

sneak down the ladder and tell him that Miss Joan

wants to see him before he go?

I'd do it James if I had to die for it.

Ah, you'll see dangerous scheming around that table yet.

Is that a fact?

It's a holy fact.

God help us all.

Good morning James.

Good morning Miss Bijou.

Did Iceflow win?

I don't even think I can find out.

Well, haven't the paper's come yet?

Not yet, the boy's late.

Idle little wretch, he does it on purpose.

Now sit down and eat your breakfast.

Let it keep your mind off the papers.

Such a night it was James,

they were up and down, and in and out.

Banging the doors, stocking motor cars,

and whispering secrets, all sorts of naughty secrets.

I knew it, I could feel it, plots and plans and schemes

and whispers all night long and not a word to poor me.

And I can't face my breakfast at all.

Sugar James!

Oh where's the cream?

Now pour out my tea.

Uh, yes.

In my own dear little cup.

Morning James.

Good morning to you madam.

Morning Bijou.

Four lumps please James.

Swine of a day, just like a wet ascot.

What on Earth are you eating, darling, porridge and cream?

Fancy being able to get through all that!

I love to see old people enjoying their food.

Well nobody could say that I possible enjoy my food.

I only eat it to please James.

Give it to me.

Porridge, madam?

Ooh, no thank you James.

No. Em, coffee or tea madam?

Tea, please.

Yes.

You had four.

Go on. Take a good look, what do you think

of such a white-liveried, yellow-bellied coward?

Yes, I thought so, that's what she thinks too,

and I don't blame her.

But let me tell you something-

[Johnny] Mr. Michael. Miss Joan says will

you be out to see her before you go.

Are you sure she said that Johnny?

By the piper that played before Julius Caesar, she did.

I heard her meself.

Just stand there and don't do a thing.

Listen.

Sir Richard, you know what I'm going to do.

Na, that won't do Johnny.

You better sit down for this, it's

going to take a lot of thinking.

What would you do boyo? Hmm?

Ah.

Yes.

Sir Richard, I must insist that

you listen to what I have to say.

I'm sorry I didn't hear.

I said I was a little bit plastered,

and my hats were in pulp, and I nearly

cried over one of them, I really did,

it was just this little circle of white violets here,

and a little eye veil here, and a tricky little

black-velvet bow tie under my chin.

That sounds silly doesn't it?

I should just think it does.

Oh you're jealous Bijou, darling.

Where's that idle-old Johnny?

Up the ladder.

Oh, when the rain stops I'll put me head out of the

window and give him the who-be-got-it.

Teh-rah! Guess the news!

And James always said I was too common

and unrefined to get myself a husband.

Well I have, I'm going to be married to Tony.

I thought you were taking your breakfast in bed?

You're what?

I'm going to be married.

Don't say such a dreadful thing, my darling,

even in a joke.

And may we know about your matrimonial plans?

I mean, don't tell us anything you'd rather not.

Such a suck in for James.

It's going to be real white satin,

and lots of orange blossoms.

In white satin, you in white satin?

It'll be black before you've had it on 10 minutes.

Unless you dress James up as your bridesmaid,

he might keep you clean.

[Baby] It's going to be white satin,

So many people these days have what you call,

a touch of purple and go to registry offices.

Well, it'll be a nice change.

That's right my darling, only

wicked women go to registry offices.

You'll have a nice church.

If you must get married, you may as well

start the whole nasty business in a church,

and your bridesmaids could wear blue.

I always say poor little Joan looks her best in blue.

You better marry when the delphiniums

are out then the church could be blue too.

Wouldn't that be nice, all in blue.

Now who'll give me the toast?

Good morning!

Morning.

Nice kind of day or is it?

Do I understand you want to marry Baby?

Well yes I did, but I'd rather not

touch it before breakfast.

Morning Mother.

Morning my dear, Miss Bijou.

Hello Baby.

Oh, oh that Irish bubbly.

What can I do that wouldn't do too much damage?

I think a boiled egg.

The battery doesn't work, call James.

James!

Won't anybody give me the toast?

I'll think I'll have some ham,

I feel grand, I feel terrific!

Now I've got my man.

Baby, baby. Pas deviant les domestiques!

[James] There's no need to air your French Miss Bijou!

It's all right if they want to flirt.

The ham's for lunch the way you know it.

Ham, indeed, what hideous nonsense.

The paper sir.

Thank you James.

[Tony] James could I have a small boiled egg?

A brown one if possible.

A bottle of Worcestershire sauce, sure I knew all of that.

May I have the Cork Examiner, my darling?

[Sir Richard] No my darling you may not.

Would you like to see the picture paper Tiny?

Oh thanks, sweetie!

Sweetie? How stupid.

Well, Mr. Michael, sir, he's asking to see you.

I put him in the library.

That'll be about the colt I expect.

Yes, I better see him.

Can I have your paper, Tiny?

I want look at the markets.

You are tight boy, here take this one.

Thank you.

Tony, can I have the glamour page?

This one is no good, I'll have to have yours, Tiny.

Darling, all right.

Perhaps Mrs. what-is-your-name would

lend me the sketch just for a moment.

Oh just one, I want to look at yesterday's racing results.

Oh well, keep it then, just read them out to me.

Bjiou, what's your star?

The ape and the peacock.

Oh poor Bijou, beware of rash adventures

and expect financial difficulties.

Tony, when's your birthday?

What won the 4:30?

23 of July.

There isn't such a horse in training.

What won the 4:30?

Oh well you look that Mildred's won a race!

Isn't it sickening of it that she would?

Just look at her with that stinking horse Tittle Tattle,

I could beat him on a bicycle.

I guess she is really the most tiresome

and vindictive woman I know, she's 46 and day.

46, my dear, and she's had three husbands

and four children and she looks 25.

Still she's the type of woman who'd

probably crack up suddenly.

Hm? Oh I'm so sorry. Oh yes here we are. Um, Seaspray.

Rubbish. You're looking at the wrong race!

You said the 3:30?

I didn't say the 3:30, I said the 4:30,

and I meant the 4:30!

[Tiny] Oh darling how stupid of me!

No look here, oh Prestige.

I don't believe you.

Well look at it yourself.

[Sir Richard] I'm surprised and disappointed!

I'll not listen to another word I tell you!

Huh, first spoils my night, and then spoils my breakfast!

And another thing, you'll be sent for

when you're required here again!

Good morn!

Oh the papers! The papers!

That was the crisis, no will he fight or will he run?

[Sir Richard] I thought I told you-

[Michael] Sir Richard you must hear me.

All of you, I recognise the debt I owe to you,

and I'm grateful, but this is something different.

I love Joan, and she loves me.

Now look here.

[Michael] I'm sorry Sir Richard, but that's the way it is.

That's your cue now, face up to the Sir and no reneging.

Don't you worry James, I'm a tigress this morning.

Good for you Michael!

All right. All right, take her.

I can't stop you doing that, but not one penny!

Not one penny do you get from me.

You can starve the pair of you.

Don't worry sir, we won't starve, I can support her.

Well, that's an idea, should I get a job to keep you?

[Tiny] Oh no that won't be necessary.

Baby darling, and Joan too.

I think you ought to know that you father

has made the most absurdly generous settlement on you both.

That you'll be quite cosy at 1000 a year.

We put our old heads together about that last night,

didn't we Richard?

Yes, so what about Joannie?

I know Tony, we could give her half.

That'd leave 500, not bad.

Thanks Baby darling, I might have known you'd say that,

but it won't be necessary.

Are you making Baby's allowance out of income.

[Sir Richard] I wonder what that fella Johnny's doing.

I thought you weren't.

Now listen Father, I'll not consent to a stick or stone

being sold off this estate to meet that commitment.

You mind your own business, Miss,

what do you know about money matters?

That's just the point. I didn't know,

but I know enough now. Everything is entailed to me,

and I'll agree to it being broken up

only on the condition that you settle,

500 pounds a year, tax free on Michael and me.

Oh would you care to-

- Shut up Michael. - [Joan] Shut up Michael.

Do you think we ought to leave?

Get on with your breakfast.

I haven't got any breakfast.

Quiet boy.

I, uh, must go and see the horses.

All this sordid money business,

and at the breakfast table too.

You'll only upset me for the day.

Oh, but I'm going to upset you.

All my life I've been afraid of you, but I'm not now.

You'll put me in the workhouse. It's blackmail!

It's business. 500 pounds a year for Michael and me,

or you pay your debt to Tiny on your own income.

I expect you could easily get it out of the horses.

What sell up the horses? I'd sell up the place first.

Well that's my decision, which is it to be?

[Sir Richard] You'll break me, the two of you.

Ruined, that's what I should be.

Ruined by me own childe-

(sneezes)

Oh you fool, you silly idiotic, stupid donkey!

You showed me the wrong meeting!

He won! Iceflow won! And I've made 50 pounds!

What did I say?

You've been betting again.

No I haven't.

Yes I have.

Just this once, my darling.

You've broken your promise to me. You too.

All false, even you Bijou.

Is James in this too?

I thought such.

I thought as much.

Not one of ya I can trust, not one of you.

But father-

All right have it your own way, I give in.

Just a broken old man.

Darling, I sympathise with you,

losing a bet and a stable boy and a housekeeper

and 500 a year, just so that Joan could marry Michael.

And all before breakfast.

By the way where is Michael?

[Joan] Michael?

Michael we wondered where you were.

I'm waiting for you, are you coming with me now or not?

That little car is waiting outside.

Oh it's all right, Father's agreed.

He's going to give us the money.

I don't want the money, I want you.

I won't have it, I own enough already!

I tried to tell you Joan, but you

only made everything worse.

Excuse me children, but there's

a little tenseness in the atmosphere

blowing us under our skirts or am I wrong?

Oh it's just his Irish conscience again.

So I've heard, well, Michael you're a dear, but just cause

you were born a stable boy (loud crash)

you don't have to be a snob and look down on us all.

Take the money, no one in his senses

would sneeze at 500 a year.

- [James] Oh bull! - But I'm used to-

Johnny's fallen off the ladder!

(tense orchestral music)

Holy Christmas!

Johnny is aground on the lawn with his neck broken!

What have you got that we can give him for it?

Give him whisky! Irish whisky! Get a glass of whisky!

Whisky? Where's the whisky? Where's the whisky?

Where's Byrne? I want my stick, Byrne!

No Bijou, Michael is one of us now.

Glory to God.

Yes, oh poor Johnny. Come on, over here please.

Over here we'll put him.

Yes, that's right, here.

Oh, down of course.

Easy now.

Oh, poor Johnny.

Johnny!

(metal crashing)

Johnny.

Here, drink this up Johnny.

It's whisky.

It's whisky Johnny.

That's better.

Glad you wait till I get my conscious.

And I'll give yous all a toast.

Here's to the three brides of Woodroofe hall.

(happy orchestral music)

One,

two,

three.

To think of a woman like that in Richard's bed.

Have a care Miss Bijou, or you won't come to the wedding.

("The Bridal Chorus" plays)

We'll start up the car sir.

Yes, do.

Where are those women?

Of course I always think it's so much better

when you're having a wedding to keep

the reception away from the house.

It saves so much trouble and stops

the servants from getting at the champagne doesn't it?

Of course, it must have cost Richard a fair bit.

I thought you looked absolutely sweet,

Joan, dear, and you too Baby dear.

Oh there you are, Richard.

Ah Bijou now have a nice time while we're away,

and I try to send you some winners,

and, Richard, you really must step twice

and let poor Bijou have a little flutter.

Perhaps I will.

Oh Tiny my darling.

Oh you called me, darling, so I call you Tootsie,

and when will get home again Tony will get some winners,

and we'll make a little packet

and won't tell Richard when we lose.

(laughs) That will nice my darling.

(women laughing)

Dear James, what would I do without you?

Darling James, what would any of us do?

(crowd saying goodbyes)

Let's be calm, my darlings! Whoopee!

- (mumbling) - Come on now.

let's get you in, let's get you in.

♪ Oh she passed the pine through the wall all right ♪

♪ When the hill of hope in the cold winds sight ♪

♪ But she struck on a rock on the gold bag lies ♪

♪ And all the crows they... ♪

Now let's put another log on that fire.

(hiccups)

Miss Bijou.

Sorry.

(metal clanking)

(grunts) I must remember to remind Johnny

to remember to fix that thing.

When he's not too busy.

(triumphant orchestral music)