Original subtitles

Captain's log, stardate 1 329.8.

The Enterprise is in pursuit of an unidentified vessel.

There he is. Centre screen.

- Still trying to run away from us. - Don't lose them.

Earth ship?

Difficult to say. We're getting no registration beam.

- lf it is, he'll overload his engines. - He's pushing his engines too hard.

Changing course again. He knows we're after him.

Stay with him, Mr Sulu. Communication?

l've tried all frequencies. He refuses to answer. Unless he's not receiving us.

He's receiving us, all right.

Approaching an asteroid belt. Schiller reading 35.

- Deflectors on. - He's seen the asteroids too.

Stay with him. He'll try to lose us.

- lf one of them hits him... - Sensor reading on the vessel.

l make it out as a small, class-J cargo ship.

And his engines are super-heating.

- Try to warn him. lf he loses power... - There go his engines.

He's drifting into the asteroid belt.

He's had it. Unless we put our deflector screen around him.

lf we try, we'll overload our engines. He's too far away.

Cover him with our deflector screen.

Scotty, stand by in the transporter room.

We're protecting him. We won't be able to hold it long.

We're overloading. Engine temperature's climbing.

Space - the final frontier.

These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.

lts five-year mission, to explore strange new worlds,

to seek out new life and new civilisations,

to boldly go where no man has gone before.

This is the engine room. Temperatures passing the danger line.

Our deflector screen's weakening. We can't protect them much longer.

That was one of our lithium crystals.

Bridge to transporter room. Beam that crew over soon.

They're not answering us. There's nothing to lock onto.

Another circuit, sir.

- l'm getting a distress signal, sir. - Scotty, we're getting a signal.

We've locked onto something.

Meaning no ingratitude, gentlemen, but just where is it l find myself?

You're aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise.

lt's really a darn beautiful ship, isn't it?

Really a beautiful ship.

- The name is Captain Leo Walsh. - How many more in your crew?

Just a few.

Your vessel's breaking up. lf we don't get them over here...

We couldn't be sure you was a friendly vessel.

The three of them will be in position by now.

Another lithium circuit. Now supplementing with battery power.

- Scotty, how many did you get aboard? - One, but we've locked onto three more.

- What's wrong? - l don't know. With crystals gone...

- lt will take longer on battery. - l never did trust this.

There she goes.

Asteroid. Hit him dead centre.

Bridge to transporter room. The vessel's gone. You got the crew?

Not yet. But we've hooked onto something.

Kirk to transporter room. Report.

lt's all right, darlings. We're in good hands.

- Transporter room... - We're clearing the asteroid belt.

Deflector screen down.

Captain to transporter room. Are you reading me?

How many did we get off?

Oh. Erm... Four.

lf the captain can walk, l want him in my cabin.

Correction. l want him there whether he can walk or not.

That fellow sounded a mite upset.

Yes. Yes, they are.

Curious. You're certain this was everyone aboard? No other crewmen?

That's everyone. But so far as the ladies actually being the crew...

You can explain that to the captain.

Amen to that, Scotty.

These starships are really something marvellous.

But men will always be men, no matter where they are.

You'll never take that out of them.

- Deck 1 2. - You're part Vulcanian, aren't you?

Then a pretty face doesn't affect you at all, unless you want it to.

You can save it, girls. This type can turn himself off from any emotion.

l apologise. He's used to buying and selling people.

l'll handle the conversation, darling.

Come.

- The commander of the transport. - Good.

Now, if you don't mind telling...

Hello.

And the ladies? ls this your crew?

No, Captain. This is my cargo.

Captain's log, stardate 1 329.1 .

We've taken aboard from unregistered vessel,

its captain and three unusual females.

These women have a magnetic effect on the male members of my crew.

lncluding myself. Explanation unknown at present.

How the devil am l supposed to know this is a starship?

There l am with a cargo of lovelies,

a strange ship comes up alongside, naturally l evaded you.

You exceeded your authority when you drove me into a shower of asteroids.

- Name. - Leo Walsh. You destroyed my ship.

l'm convening a hearing on your action.

Mr Spock will supply any information you may need for your defence.

- You're a hard-nosed one. - And you're a liar.

l think we understand each other.

Security.

Escort Mr Walsh to his quarters.

You're on duty, Johnny. Back to reality.

You can feel their eyes, like something grabbing hold of you. Did you notice?

l noticed. How l noticed. Come on, Johnny.

- We've got trouble. - l'm well aware of that.

One lithium crystal left, and that with a hairline split at the base.

- Better rig a bypass circuit. - We blew the converter assembly.

- Kirk here. - Needed on the bridge.

- Harry, what's happening? - Calm down.

- Would you mind waiting outside? - Sorry, sir.

Answer every question. Don't lie. You've no need to.

Don't submit to a med...

Being so healthy they've no need for a medical exam.

- What if they ask about... - They won't. Have you no place to go?

- They'll notice we're... - Just let Leo take the hard questions.

- Don't panic. We'll get to... - Get where?

- We're heading the wrong way, Harry. - Leo.

Leo Walsh is my name, don't forget.

So lovely, aren't they?

lf they'll only think lovely thoughts, smile,

why, they'll come out right somewhichway. My personal guarantee.

The entire ship's power is feeding through one lithium crystal.

- Switch to bypass circuits. - We burnt them all out.

That jackass, Walsh, in saving his skin...

That's one jackass we want to see skinned.

lt's frustrating. A vessel depending on a crystal the size of my fist.

And that crystal won't hold up. Not pulling all our power through it.

Well, Mr Spock?

There's a lithium mining operation on Rigel Xll. High grade ore, l've heard.

- Location and distance. - Less than two days' travel.

- Make for Rigel Xll, Mr Spock. - Mr Farrell, you have the course.

Captain's log, stardate 1 329.2.

A ship's hearing has been convened against the transport vessel's captain.

l'm concerned about the hypnotic effect produced by the women.

This hearing is convened.

Stardate 1 329.2. On board starship U.S.S. Enterprise.

Formal hearings against transport captain, Leo Walsh.

Start computer.

- State your name for the record. - Leo Francis Walsh.

lncorrect.

Your correct name.

You won't take the word of a mechanical device over that of a man?

State your correct name.

- Harry Mudd. - lncorrect.

- Harcourt Fenton Mudd. - Any past offences?

Of course not. l'm an honest business man.

- lncorrect. - Blast that tin-plated pot.

Full data coming on screen.

- lf it can read our minds too... - lt can't. Just what's on the record.

Offence record. Smuggling, sentence suspended.

Transport of stolen goods,

purchase of a space vessel with counterfeit currency.

Sentences, psychiatric treatment. Effectiveness disputed.

You're charged with travel without a flight plan and identification beam,

and failure to answer a starship signal, thus a menace to navigation.

My tiny little ship in this immense galaxy a menace to navigation?

You are also charged with operation of a vessel without a licence.

- Untrue, l have a master's ticket. - lncorrect.

Master's licence revoked, stardate 1 1 1 6.4.

All right.

Very simply, Leo Walsh, who was to be my captain on this trip,

passed away suddenly. l had to take out my ship myself.

l assumed Leo's name for this voyage out of courtesy to him.

ln memoriam, as it were. A fine man.

Alas, gone to his reward.

- Destination and purpose of journey? - Planet Ophiucus lll, wiving settlers.

You do what?

l recruit wives for settlers. A difficult but satisfying task.

Data on witnesses.

No data.

Go to sensor probe. Unusual readings?

No decipherable reading on females.

Unusual reading on male board members.

Detecting high respiration patterns, perspiration rates up,

heartbeat rapid, blood pressure higher than normal.

That's sufficient. Strike that from the record, Mr Spock.

Do you see, gentlemen? Three lovely ladies,

destined for frontier planets to be the companions of lonely men.

To supply that warmth of a human touch so desperately needed.

A wife, a home, a family.

l look upon this work as a sacred public trust.

- l've devoted my whole life to it. - lncorrect.

l am about to start devoting my entire life to it.

- Did these ladies come voluntarily? - Of course.

Ruthie comes from a pelagic planet, sea ranchers.

Magda from the helium experimental station.

lt's the same story for all of us. No men.

Mine was a planet with machines for company and two brothers to cook for,

mend their clothes. Always canal mud a foot thick on their boots.

- Fine, Eve. - No, it's not.

We've got men waiting for us and you're taking us in the opposite direction.

- Staring at us like we were harem girls. - That's enough, Evie.

The only charges are against Mr Mudd. lllegal operation of a vessel.

- Do you have any defence to offer? - Only heaven's own truth.

The hearing is closed.

Mr Mudd to be handed over to the legal authorities at our earliest opportunity.

What happens to us? Help us, please.

Miss McHuron, if you don't mind.

Our last crystal is gone.

Our entire life support system is now on batteries.

Miss McHuron, would you mind?

Contact the miners on Rigel Xll. We'll need the lithium crystals upon arrival.

Oh, you beautiful galaxy! Oh, that heavenly universe!

Lithium miners, don't you understand?

Lonely, isolated, overworked, rich lithium miners.

Do you still want husbands?

You won't have to be satisfied with a ship's captain.

l'll get you a man who can buy you a whole planet.

Maggie, you're going to be a countess. Ruth, l'll make you a duchess.

And l...

...l'll be running this starship.

Captain Kirk, the next orders you are taking will be given by Harcourt Mudd.

Captain's log, stardate 1 330.1 . Position, 1 4 hours out of Rigel Xll.

We're on auxiliary impulse engines, fuel barely sufficient to achieve orbit.

Lithium replacements now imperative.

The effect of Mudd's women on my crew is growing, still unexplained.

Harry Mudd is confined to his quarters under guard.

May l come in?

Please do, by all means.

Connors, are you finished?

l was wondering what this place looked like.

- lt's fascinating. - Would you walk past my panel again?

Your what?

- My medical scanner. - You are not giving me an examination?

No, l wouldn't trust my judgment. Just walk by, please.

lt's not supposed to do that.

l wondered, will you be examining the miners on Rigel Xll?

Yes, if they need it.

Do you mean you haven't asked yet? Are they in good health?

What?

Yes, they're in excellent health, all three of them.

Three.

Are you wearing some unusual perfume or something radioactive?

No, l'm just me.

What makes it do that?

Captain?

l hope you don't mind.

ln fact, l do.

l was trying to take a walk and l had to run in someplace.

All your men were looking at me, following me with their eyes.

Yes, l'll have to talk to them about that.

They don't do that ordinarily.

But somehow in your case and the ladies with you...

They're probably just lonely. l can understand loneliness.

Yes.

- Yes. Now if you don't mind. - l suppose you understand even more.

Having to run a ship like this, with so much responsibility,

and having to be so careful, with all your men looking up to you.

lt probably appears more difficult than it is.

l read that a commander has to act like a paragon of virtue.

l've never met a paragon.

- Neither have l. - Of course not, no one is.

But some people try to pretend.

- Do you? - Miss McHuron, l don't...

No, l just can't do it. l don't care what Harry Mudd says.

l do like you, but l just can't go through with it.

l hate this whole thing.

- Just three, you're sure? - The miners are healthy and young.

Later, dear. Did you get to your communications man?

The head miner is named Ben Childress. The others are Gossett and Benton.

- And they've been there... - Almost three years now, alone.

Perfect. Perfect!

Three of them and three lovely ladies has Harry Mudd.

Lithium crystals are worth 300 times their weight in diamonds.

Thousands of times their weight in gold.

But they'll be down there and we'll be circling a hundred miles above them.

There's a guard outside your door. You can't get out of your cabin.

After one more job for you, it won't be Harry that's trapped.

lt will be a gentleman named James T...

l don't like you.

- l'm not very happy with myself, either. - l'm not really surprised.

- l've seen you noticing the captain. - We're supposed to notice them.

Harry, l don't feel very good.

l think it must be near the time.

l asked for a pre-orbital course.

Pre-orbital course locked in, sir.

That's the last time l'll give an order twice.

We're down to battery power.

lt will get us to Rigel Xll but it will be a shaky orbit.

Hang us in there long enough to get six crystals.

l'll get you there.

Ridiculous. What are we running here?

- Did you examine Eve? - She refused.

Come on, you're the doctor.

What is it? ls it that we're tired and they're beautiful?

They are incredibly beautiful.

Are they, Jim? Are they actually more lovely,

pound for pound, measurement for measurement,

than any other woman you've known?

Or is it that they just act beautiful?

No, strike that.

What are they, Bones?

You mean are they alien illusions, that sort of thing?

l asked you first.

No, an alien would be smart enough to keep my scanner from going ''bleep''.

- l don't follow you. - l don't either.

Top space frequency 39.

- Rigel Xll. - This is Rigel Xll. Come in, Enterprise.

This isn't exactly the Enterprise.

My name is Harry Mudd. To whom have l the pleasure of speaking?

Power curve still dropping, Captain.

- We'll make orbit. A temporary one. - Lay in. Computer?

We can sustain this orbit for three days, seven hours.

Enough time. Have a representative of the miners meet us to discuss our need.

Beam him up first pass over their camp.

What's happening? Look at my face.

Give us the pills.

What if someone sees us like this?

You'll never find them, Harry.

And if you do find them, you know what they are?

A cheat.

- lf you care for someone, really care... - For whom? For Kirk?

Ships captains are already married, to their vessels. You'll see.

- l'm going back to what l was. Ugly. - l can't stand myself like this.

Why did you hide them. Don't you trust us?

l didn't hide them. l put them in a safe place in case l was searched.

Find the pills, Harry.

Mattress.

Yes.

Go on, take it. lt's not a cheat.

lt's a miracle...

...for some man who can appreciate it and who needs it.

Even burned and cracked, they're beautiful.

Destroying them was a shame.

The choice was burning a lithium crystal or the destruction of another man's ship.

Come.

- Mining Chief Childress and Mr Gossett. - Show them in.

l'm James Kirk and this is my science officer, Mr Spock.

Let's get right to business. You want lithium crystals.

l'm authorised to pay an equitable price.

We're not sure they're for sale. We might prefer a swap.

- What did you have in mind? - Mudd's women.

lf we like them. We'd like to have a look at them first.

Trot them out. And Harry Mudd...

Either way, l've agreed to have him released, charges dropped.

ls there anything else?

You've got no choice, Kirk.

Beam a landing party down and you won't find one blessed crystal.

No deal.

You're a long way out in space.

You'll need medical help, cargo runs, starship protection.

- You want to consider those facts, too? - Come along, ladies.

You must be Ben Childress. Come on, girls.

- And you must be Herm Gossett. - Yes, l reckon l am.

One thing l'll say for you, Mudd, you're not a liar.

- Ladies, you are welcome. - lt's still no deal.

Conserving batteries, sir. Half power.

They have only three days of orbit left before they start spiralling in.

l do hate to see you suffering such a situation but truth is truth.

And the sad fact is, you will deal.

Sooner or later you'll have to.

Captain's log. Transporting to surface of Rigel Xll

to acquire replacement lithium crystals.

Expect further difficulty from miners.

All right, you've won. Now l'll take the lithium crystals.

When l have the time, Kirk.

- Childress. - We're busy, Mr Kirk.

- We don't have the time to spare. - You've got a better idea?

lt blows like that all the time.

You can get lost feet from your own doorstep if the wind comes up suddenly.

Magnetic storm.

The wind will really rip soon.

Dance with me.

- Would you like to dance? - No.

No, l'm sorry. l guess it must be the dust.

That's the way it is on Rigel. All the time.

Hey.

- Go away. - l'm cutting in.

Not on me.

What's the matter with you?

Why don't you just run a raffle and the loser gets me.

You can't go out there.

Have those crystals here when l get back.

Eve!

Eve!

Captain's log. l've transported aboard the Enterprise to implement search.

Magnetic storms are cutting down speed and efficiency of our equipment.

Search now in progress for three hours, 1 8 minutes.

- Traverse parallel 3 and 4. - Checking but not getting much.

The storm is ionising the atmosphere. Getting difficult to probe through it.

This is draining our batteries further. lf we only had those crystals.

But we don't. l didn't get any. l should have found a way.

Satisfied, Mr Scott?

Losing communications with the miners. Magnetic storm seems worse.

- Has Childress reported in yet? - No, he and the girl are still missing.

Sorry, Scotty.

- How much power do we have left? - About five hours.

Captain's log. Have expended all but 43 minutes of power.

Ship's condition, critical.

Search now in progress, seven hours, 31 minutes.

Magnetic storms are easing.

lnfrared reading. Check traverse 3, grid 040.

- 1 1 miles from the mining company. - That's Ben Childress' quarters.

There's a heat unit operating there.

Have Mudd meet me in the transporter room.

- Mudd? - The name of this game.

- l had things where l wanted them. - l ate your food, so l paid with chores.

l do my own cooking.

l've not laid a hand on you. Remember that.

The sound of male ego. Half way across the galaxy and it's still the same song.

There. Eat or talk?

l'm supposed to sit, taste it, roll my eyes

and, ''Oh, female cooking again.''

l've tasted better, by my own hand.

You're tasting some of it now. l couldn't scrape your leavings out of that pan.

Find me a well, decent water, then talk.

Why don't you hang your pan in the wind and let the sand blast it clean?

Or hadn't you thought about that?

lt might work.

- ls that solitaire? - Double-jack.

- The red eight on the black nine. - Not in double-jack.

You're not only plain as an old bucket, you're not even good company.

- What happened to your looks anyway? - l got tired of you. l slumped.

You're homely. l've got enough in crystals to buy queens by the gross.

- l didn't touch her. - Thank heaven you found her.

She's been bubbling with gratitude ever since.

Sit down.

Tell him, Harry.

- Yes, well... - The Venus drugs, Harry.

Venus drug? l've heard of it, but it's not just one of those stories?

lt exists. lllegally.

- Actually, it's a relatively harmless drug. - Harmless?

lt gives you more of whatever you have.

With men it makes them more muscular. Women, rounder.

The men more aggressive, women more feminine.

He gave it to the women before you met them.

- The others look like she does? - Mr Childress, l...

- ls that what it means? - Yes, that's what it means.

- What happened to my partners? - They left during the storm.

They're married. Subspace radio marriage.

- lt was a fraud. They can get out of it. - lf they want to.

Why?

- You can't condemn the women. - l can.

A man goes out and fights, almost dies.

We all almost died. We should have but we didn't.

Now that we've got the good life in our hands, you bring wives that...

You don't want wives. You want this.

This is what you want.

l hope you dream about it because you can't have it. lt's not real.

ls this the kind of wife you want?

Not someone to help you.

Not a wife to cook, sew, cry and need.

But this kind...

...selfish, vain, useless.

ls this what you really want?

All right, then. Here it is.

Quite a woman.

- A fake, pumped up by a drug. - By herself.

She took no drug.

- l swallowed it. - Coloured gelatine.

They took away my drug and substituted that.

- That can't be. - There's only one kind of woman.

Or man, for that matter.

You either believe in yourself or you don't.

l've gone as far with you as l intend to. l want those lithium crystals now.

- Enterprise. - Spock here.

Stand by.

- Do l beam down a search party? - No.

The crystals are here. You are welcome to them.

Stand by, Mr Spock. We're coming aboard with the lithium crystals.

- How many coming? - Eve will stay.

Today at least.

We want to talk.

Eve?

You've got someone up there called the Enterprise.

Two of us. Come on, Mr Mudd.

Don't you think you could arrange, by accident, to leave me here?

l can't do that.

But l will appear as a character witness at your trial. Think that'll help?

They'll throw away the key.

lt must have been quite a talk. Ever try considering the medicine business?

Why work your side of the street?

l'm happy the affair is over. A most annoying emotional episode.

Smack, right in the old heart.

ln your case it would be about here.

The fact that my internal arrangement differs from yours, pleases me no end.

Course plotted and all systems in operation.

Engines engaged. Helm answering.

Out of orbit.

- Ahead full. - Ahead full, sir.