All language subtitles for Modern.Family.S01E18.HDTV.480p x264-BoB

What's my favorite way to relax?

Throw on my wireless headphones

And disappear into
the nature channel.

The fascinating thing about nature

Is how, in the blink of an eye,

It can go from a scene
of total tranquil beauty

To raw, primal violence.

Could you seriously not hear
me with those things on?

It's noise-canceling technology.

Give it a spin.
It's got - sweetie! Focus.

Mom, why are you
freaking out on everyone?

Because you are acting very
irresponsibly - all of you.

Listen, honey,
Luke has a giant project

Due tomorrow for school
that he hasn't even started,

And Haley just informed
me she needs 40 cupcakes

For her school fundraiser,
also due tomorrow.

I'd like to point out

I completed all my assignments
on my own and on time.

Not now, Alex. Not now, Alex.

Okay, look,
I will take the cupcakes.

You do the project.
It's on Vincent Van Gogh. Done.

Okay, I need you to
really stay on him,

Keep him focused.

All right.

I'm... Actually gonna take
a different approach,

But... Actually gonna
insist that you don't.

Claire, I know you've got
your methods, but so do I.

I'm sorry,
but I'm not a micromanager.

Trust me, I can provide Luke

With the tools and guidance
he needs without, uh,

Smothering him.

You think I smother our child?

It's not your fault, honey.
"mother" is part of the word.

You never hear of anyone
being "sfathered" to death.

I know what Luke's problem is.

He's got adhd.

No. No, I don't!

What is it?

I'd tell you, but you'd wander off

Before I got to the "h. "

Just promise me

That you will stay on him
until this project is done.

I will, but you might have a
little more confidence in him.

wah. Wah. No one can hear me now.

Whoooo!

Everybody is stupid, except me.

Ha ha ha. I am funny.

Is this the cutest
thing I've ever seen?

You out here on the curb

With your little telescope,
waiting for your dad.

It's not cute.
It's - it's science.

Tonight is the magnificent
lyrid meteor shower.

It's where the planet geek
passes through the nerdy way.

Oh, you know I think it's sweet.

Every couple years,
Mitchell and his father,

They go out and enjoy one
of these showers together.

Well, I - I wouldn't
necessarily put it that way.

I mean, yes,
me and my father enjoy it

Because we - we don't share
a lot of the same interests.

Like, um, I-I never went
to sports games with him.

Probably because you call them "
sports games. "

Just lose the "sports. "

Just - just "games. "

Oh, here comes your shower partner.

Stop it!

I'm kidding. Have fun
with your dad, okay?

All right. See you later.

Don't worry about me. I'm not.

I'm just saying, if you were.

Shotgun, sucker!

Make sure the seat is
exactly the way you want it

And feel free to play with any
of these controls up here.

I have no idea what they do.

But I want mi car to be su car.

Cameron, are you okay?
You seem nervous.

Uh, nervous? No, I'm... Not nervous.

I was nervous.

I mean, when Mitchell made
plans with his father,

I figured, why not spend
the evening with Gloria?

I've always wanted to be
good friends with her.

On paper, we should be
good friends.

Look at us - one spicy,
curvy diva -

And Gloria.

The problem is, I had a little,
minor setback

That we had to overcome
from a couple weeks ago.

I cannot stand hanging out with his ivy
league friends. Oh, they're the worst.

They're not that bad.
They are the worst.

They're not that bad.
Are you kidding me?

Debbie can't go two minutes

Without talking about
columbia university,

And the little guy with
the lazy eye from harvard.

Brown. Whatever.

Honestly, I wish that tart
would go back to columbia

And take her weird,
little brown friend with her.

Cam, you need to relax.
You explained.

Not very well.

You know how awkward I get
when things get awkward.

So when I was id "brown people,"

I- I wasn't talking about your,
uh, brown people.

I was talking about people
who go to a university,

Um, not your people.

Not - not that your people
couldn't go to college.

Okay, now I'm hearing myself say "
your people" a lot, so...

I'm just very excited
because this is, um -

You know, this is our
first night out together,

So it's our little date.

Where are we going?

Make sure your seat belt
is securely fastened

And your tray tables are
in the upright position,

Because I got us into palaiseau!

fancy.

I know, it's normally
a 4-week wait,

But the maitre d' is an old
pilates brother of mine,

So just one phone call.

Okay.

Palaiseau!

Ay, Cameron, you know what?

I don't know if I'm in the
mood for something so fancy.

Can we just go somewhere,
like, more simple?

Oh, of - yes. Yes, of course.

We can - what - what do you
what did you have in mind?

I don't know.

How about a little Latin place
that I always used to go?

That sounds fantastic. Okay.

I would love to see
how your people eat.

"your people"?

What is wrong with me?

Okay, it's egg-crackin' time.

Now, I find the key to
cracking an egg properly -

Mom, I'm not a child. I can do it.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

My mom's not dumb.

You can't just ask her
to do something for you.

You have to very carefully
put the cheese in the trap.

Uh, oops. I got a little
shell in the bowl.

And when -
when that happens, I find

That I like to not dig it out - I got it.
It's okay. It's right here.

Oh, that's - that's really gross.

Okay, I'm gonna - I'll do this.

You just... Mop up.

And... Snap!

Is it bad that I
feel sorry for her?

So, how do I start?

What do you think?

I don't know. Mom usually
tells me what to do.

Join the club. I'm kidding.
I love your mom.

We are going to try a
new approach this time.

Now, your goal is
to create a display

About the life and art
of Van Gogh, right?

Yeah.

Okay, I got your poster
board right here,

So pretend you're telling
the story of his life

To someone who has
never heard of him.

What do you put on that board?

I see the wheels spinning,
the spark of creat-

How do they get the
lead in pencils?

Okay, let's try to stay on topic.

Hey, Jay, look who thinks

Mercury is the densest
planet in the solar system.

I take it from your mocking
tone that I am incorrect.

The densest planet is earth.

Which makes you the densest
guy on the densest planet.

Zing!

Fun.

You sure Mitchell won't
mind me tagging along?

Are you kidding? He loves you.

What are you worried about?

I've never had a brother before.

We never really hung out that much.

Kiddo, you are overthinking this.

I just don't want to
say the wrong thing.

You can't. That's the
beauty of having a brother.

Me and my brother were zinging
each other all the time,

You know, like,
"what's going on, fat boy?"

"nothing much, jackass.
" you know, things of that nature.

It's - it's how
brothers express love.

Hmm.

Shotgun, sucker!

yeah.

I'm gonna... See the sights.

Not if they see you first!

Kind of missed with that one, kid.

All right, this is all you
need to know right here.

Apparently, the
pencil's in two pieces,

And they glue th
together around the lead.

What if we put all the stuff
about his life on this side

And all the stuff about his
paintings on this side?

Luke, buddy, that's fantastic.

And the best part is you came
up with that by yourself.

All it took was a little
bit of focus and, uh...

This thing is really loose.

I'm gonna go grab a screwdriver,
but you run with this.

On your mark, get set, Van Gogh!

Hey, dad.

He kind of looks
like uncle Mitchell,

If uncle Mitchell were insane.

Aah!

I got sprayed by a skunk!

Oh! Ugh!

Oh, you stink.

And not just at astronomy! Blammo!

What is happening?

I love this place.

I was a little bit worried,
because it's not exactly -

I... Love... This place.

I... Was... Nervous.

I mean, there was a lot of
different food on the menu.

And on the floor. And on the wall.

Are we - are we sure we're not
exaggerating just a little bit?

Were you there, Mitchell?

Because I think I
would've recognized

The only other white or gay person.

I had already offended Gloria once.

Not gonna do it again.

Hello. ¿cómo está?

Gloria!

Desde hace mucho que no vienes.

Mi amigo, Cameron. Oh, welcome.

So, carnitas diablos?

Ah, you remember!

Uh, I'll just have the same thing.

No, no, no, no, no, you should have
the chicken enchiladas. Mm-hmm.

Uh, no, I'll have the
carnitas diablos.

These are not for you.

Excuse me? They're too spicy.

And this girl is used to it.
Yeah, he's right.

I can spice you under
the table any day,

There, sweet thing.

Dos carnitas diablos, por favor.

Okay.

Mitchell.

Of course. What was I thinking?

Dad, can we -
can we just go home, please?

You've got to air out first
before I let you in that car.

I'll never get the stink out.

Hey, Jay, is that venus?

'cause I can smell the clouds
of pure sulfuric acid from here.

Slam!

Okay, I-I - I'd really
like to go home now.

We'll miss the meteor shower.

The trouble is your clothes.
Just take them off.

I think there's a blanket
in the trunk. You sure, dad?

You're - you're not worried
I might stink up the blanket?

Don't worry about it.

We just use it to cover up the seat

For when manny's all sweaty
after his tango class.

If you don't sweat,
you're not doing it right.

So, he was one of the best
boyfriends I ever had.

But he was gay.

Yeah, I figured that out
after the first month,

But I stayed for a whole year

Because the haircuts
were fantastic!

it's funny, huh?

Cameron, come on,
it's not that funny.

Are you okay I'm fine.

Are you sure? I love this place.

But your head is running water.

No, I don't think it is.

I told you it was too spicy for you!
Look at your shirt!

No, I just need to get a little bit of a
drink of something. No, no, no, no, no.

Cameron, the water
makes it so worse.

No!

Oh, you're right.
That does make it worse.

I feel like I ate the sun!

And that is the secret
to no lumps. See?

It's kind of fun.

You make it fun, mom.

Mmm. Listen to these
symptoms of adhd

And tell me it's not Luke. Alex.

"easily distracted by
irrelevant stimuli. "

"often impulsively abandons
one task for another. "

That's where I left those.

"a tendency to act without
regard to consequences,

Often at the expense
of personal safety. "

"having accidents more often -"

Okay, you know what?
I think that that's enough, Alex.

We've - we've got it.

Okay, no. No.

Phil? Phil, honey, are you okay?

Yeah.

Remember those sunglasses
I couldn't find?

Bingo!

I asked you to do one thing
stay on top of Luke.

For your information,
your son is hard at work

On an awesome Van Gogh - got
to fix that - masterpiece.

Wait till you see.

You're gonna be so surprised.

Oh, god, honey, I want nothing more

Than to be surprised, really.

Oh.

I'm not surprised.

Okay, that's it.

I don't want to hear anything

About your new method
of doing things.

There's one thing that
works with these kids,

And that is staying on top of them,

Which, thanks to you, my friend,

I will now be able
to do all night long.

Not happy, dude.

You're supposed to be working.

I am working.
-Mr Potato Head
Really??

I know what you think, but - no,
I don't want to hear it.

I'm going down to
clean up the garage.

Then I'm coming back,
and I'm gonna stand over you

Until this thing is done, okay?

Breathe. Breathing only
makes the fire spread.

Okay, then drink this milk.

Ay, cam!

Why did you have to
order that spicy dish?

Because I'm - I'm a big idiot.

And I wanted to have
this awesome night

Between the two of us,

Where we end up best friends,

Uh, having lunch, buying shoes.

Okay!

Let's go have lunch!
Let's go buy shoes!

Really?

Yeah, why are you so surprised?
I don't know.

I guess I just always feel like
I- I blow it with you, Gloria.

Whether it's the colombian comment

Or picking the wrong restaurant -

The restaurant?

That had nothing to do with you.

I was just not in the mood
to go anywhere that fancy

After the stupid thing
I did this morning.

What did you do?

I bought a dress.

You monster.

It was a very expensive
dress that I don't need.

I felt so stupid
that when I got home,

I couldn't even bring
it inside the house.

I left it in the car.

I totally get it.
I have a legendary hat story.

I'll bet you look
fabulous in that dress.

Yes, but anyone would
look fabulous in that dress.

You find that blanket?

No.

This was all I could find. Shut up!

Really shows off your shape.

Okay. Spin around, cupcake.
Let's see the caboose.

you get fries with that shake?

Was that too far?

There's a line, Jay.

I better go mop this up.

Oh, come on. Where's the...

I'm sorry if things got a
little out of hand back there,

But in our defense, look at you.

I mean, smell you.

This is a fantastic apology.

Oh, don't be too hard on the kid.

I was egging him on.

If you're gonna be mad, be mad at me.

Done.

I was just happy to see
him laugh a little bit.

You know, he's had
kind of a tough week.

I got sprayed by a skunk,

And I'm wearing a dress that
makes my hips look huge.

I know he doesn't want
me to talk about it,

But he didn't get invited
to this big party.

Some kids he thought were his
friends think he's weird.

Now, you know me on this.

I'm no - I'm no good at it,
you know?

I- I never know what to say.

Well, that's true.

But maybe I raised a kid who
would know what to say.

Now, that's the only
reason I invited him along,

You know, because
this astronomy stuff

That's - that's our thing.

Yeah, no, I'll - I'll talk to him.

You know, you don't
look that ridiculous.

Now, you - you actually
got the legs for it.

Dad -

No, I'm just saying, if you
were that type of a gay... Dad!

...You'd probably do
all right for yourself.

Come on!

You know, I always had a sense
it was dangerous down here,

But I guess it's actually
kind of charming, isn't it?

No, it's not safe at all.

I used to live down here,
you know? What?

Yeah, that's why I come down here.

Look there.
That was my old apartment.

After I left Havier,
that's all I could afford.

It's still part of me. Hmm.

You have to remember
those things. You do.

Like you when you go to your farm.

You remember that?
I told you that a year ago.

Of course I do. You're my friend,
you big idiot!

You know, this part of
town might be very rough,

But the people here, Cameron -

The best.

I'm pretty sure I had
wheels when I parked here.

Ay-yi-yi! Who did this?!

Oh, no, it's okay, Gloria.

Who did this?!
You coward sons of bitches!

It's okay, everybody!
I'm - I'm insured!

What? You scared?!

You scared to show your faces,
little girls?!

No, no, it's all right,
everybody! Huh?! Cameron, wait in the car!

Cameron! Gloria,
I think it's drivable!

Gloria!

Just so you know,
I'm going back up to Luke's room,

And I'm not leaving
until he's finished.

Thank you.

And I'm really sorry for not
underestimating Luke enough.

Well, that means a lot to me.

The hardest part is he kind of
takes after me with all this. Hmm.

Like my lack of focus
and your - my what?

I just love you. Hmm?

I did it. Buddy!

Oh, my god.

Do you like it?

I- I-I love it.

Did you this? All him.

I used Mr. Potato Head's ears

Because Van Gogh cut his ear off.

And there's money,
because his paintings sell

For, like, a bajillion dollars,

Which is sad,
because he died broke.

Yes.

That -

You were right. Don't apologize.

I'm not apologizing.
Apology accepted.

Luke, I-I really couldn't
be more proud of you,

And I am so sorry I didn't
give you more credit.

Thanks. Way to go, buddy.

I got to go finish the cupcakes.

no.

She didn't.

Sweetie, can you hand me those?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I can talk.

What are you doing?!

Well, I showed you
how to make them,

And now you can do it yourself.

Come on, guys, let's go.

Well, good, because
I really wanted to.

Okay.

Setting the oven to 700!

I'm putting the eggs in the bowl!

Oh, I got some shells
in them! Uh-oh!

Are you serious?!

Hey.

Hey, Mitchell.

So, I know you'd never, um...

I know you'd never -
never believe this

By looking at me right now,

But, uh, I used to get
picked on at school, too.

So, Jay told you?

Yeah. Yeah, they would,
um - they'd call me weird.

I was weird - fun weird.

But I - this is the funny
thing about growing up.

For years and years,
everybody's desperately afraid

To be different,
you know, in any way.

And then, suddenly,
almost overnight,

Everybody wants to be different.

And that is where we win.

I'm sort of counting on that.

I'm sorry I was picking on
you too much. No, it's -

Jay said that's what brothers do.

well, we don't have
to listen to him.

Brothers do that, too.

Okay, ladies,
finish up your tea party.

You're missing the show.

I can't believe I was
fighting over this guy, huh?

Check it out. Oh, whoa.

Check it out.

Wow. Awesome.

Why did he paint "starry night"?

Maybe 'cause the sky is beautiful

And everybody likes looking at it.

And it reminds us that
something's up there,

Watching over all of us.

Aliens, who could
be here in a second

To liquefy us and use us as fuel.

So, wake up, people. We're next.

Mom?