Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MOANING]

[HEAVY BREATHING]

LONDON: Tell me when you're gonna come.

LONDON: Are you coming? You're coming?

SYD: Yeah.

[PHONE RINGING]

[TRAIN WHISTLING]

[CARS HONKING]

[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]

Hello.

Hey, bro, what's up?

I'm crashed out.

[COUGHS]

What are you doing?

What party? What are you talking about?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Where?

Fuck!

[CLICKING KEYPAD]

-Fuck! -[DIAL TONE RINGING]

WOMAN: The number you have reached

has been disconnected. If you feel you--

No fucking way!

[SCREAMING]

[TROY BONNES' "CRIME" PLAYING]

[SNORTING]

Where's the phone? Payphone.

Um, straight to the back, past the bathrooms, on the left.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, Mallory.

Oh, hey, Syd, what's up?

[ALCOHOL SLOSHING]

You gonna go to Becca's thing tonight?

MALLORY: Um, yeah, you know, I was gonna go and say goodbye.

Why, you going?

SYD: Yeah, I think so. Thinking about it. Yeah.

SYD: So you still talk to London?

Yeah, you know, here and there.

-Why? -Oh, you know, I was just--

I was just a little surprised to hear she was moving.

So, she get a place out there? Is she staying with somebody or,

She didn't tell you where she was staying? Come on, Mal.

I mean I-- she said something

about moving in with her boyfriend or something,

but, I mean, that's pretty much all I know.

-Can I get you a drink? -Yeah.

Can I have a vodka? A large one.

-Naked, please. -MALLORY: Uh-huh.

MALLORY: Excuse me. One second here.

Here you go.

Thanks. Hey, look, I didn't-- I didn't mean to be rude.

It's okay.

MALLORY: Oh, hey, Syd,

-I gotta go cash out, so... -SYD: Yeah.

MALLORY: See you tonight. SYD: Yeah. Hey, listen,

listen, I'm gonna get a little bit of sniff,

so if you want some, just let me know.

-Oh, really? -Yeah.

How much is it?

SYD: Oh, no, don't worry about it. Come find me.

But obviously don't tell London. You know she hates that shit.

Yeah, like I'm gonna say something.

-All right, well, see you later. -Yeah, I'll see you.

Your name wouldn't happen to be Bateman, would it?

-Unfortunately, yes. -Hey.

Syd, nice to meet you, man.

Thank you so much for coming down here.

I know you don't deliver this far down.

I just had a shitty day, you know.

I have to clear my head out.

-No worries, mate. -So where do you wanna do this?

We don't want to go in the bathroom.

It's fucking horrendous in there.

I drove. You wanna use my car?

Your car? Why not?

[RAIN FALLING]

SYD: So how is this shit? It's pretty good?

Can't say I've sampled any of this batch but,

considering the source, I imagine it to be pretty clean.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

So is this like a uh, full-time gig for you?

A full-time job?

No, mate, I'm a banker.

Foreign exchange dealer, you know. Currency trader.

Currency trader? Euros, pounds, arbitrage, yeah.

Okay, so you're not a dealer.

Mate, I ain't a fucking dealer.

Strictly a buyer.

I was uptown, you were on my way. It's just a favor.

SYD: Gotcha. Well,

whatever it is, I really appreciate it, man.

[SNIFFING]

Here we go.

SYD: So, a currency trader, huh?

How's the money in that, good?

BATEMAN: Not if you get stuck on this shit, no.

Yeah, I know. God, what a stupid fucking drug.

[SNORTING]

Hey, so listen man, I don't know what you're doing after this

I don't know if you got plans or anything but,

a friend of mine is having

like a party two blocks from here, if you're interested.

No, thanks, mate, but I've had a shit day, believe me.

I just figured, you know, you came down this whole way.

[SNORTING]

It'll probably be pretty good.

What kind of party is it, exactly?

SYD: Actually, it's a...

It's a going-away party for uh,

for this girl, for my ex-chick.

But it'll be good, you know, free booze,

free food, hot chicks.

I really shouldn't. Thanks anyway.

I appreciate the offer.

Fuck it, Syd. I'm gonna go. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Why are you gonna go? Don't go. You just got here.

You walked all the way down here.

Why would you leave?

Because I've had a horrendous day and I'm--

decided not to go

because I don't want to meet a loft full of strangers.

-And, you enjoy yourself. -So, come in for five minutes.

-Get a drink. -No, man. You go, fuck it.

Bateman! What do you got that's better than this?

Girls, free booze, do a line.

Listen, I've just come out

of the most psychotic therapy session

I've had in fucking years.

Almost smacked some cunt for a taxi.

I really don't know if I'm ready for this shit.

All right, so just come in for five minutes.

You don't like it, you can leave.

One fucking drink, bro.

Mallory will be here.

-One drink? -One fucking drink.

-How you doing, man? -Evening.

-What is it, 5011? Thanks, man. -Yes.

-Hey, Maya. How you doing? -Hi, Syd. Good.

-It's been a while. -Yeah. How you doing?

I'm good. Bateman, this is Maya. Sorry.

-Maya, Bateman. -Nice to meet you.

How you been? What you been up to?

Uh, uh, in hell, man.

I fucked up on the SATs, I gotta retake them.

-That's it, you know? Just wanna -Right.

kill myself. Yeah.

Well, you know, if you want to get out of SAT mode,

I picked up a lot of--

-you know, so... -Are you dealing now?

Yes, I'm dealing. No, I'm not dealing.

I just, you know, got more than I need, so if you're--

-Just come find me. -All right, man, thanks. I might

[ELEVATOR DINGING]

-Did anybody--? -take you up on that.

WOMAN: Coming.

-Hello. -Hello.

-Hey, baby. -How are you?

I'm good. Hello, Syd, how are you?

-This, my darling, is for you. -You guys, shut up. Thank you.

You know you are the best. Nobody's here yet.

Grab a drink. Make yourself at home.

Hello? Syd and London.

Don't disrespect them

-in public. -In public.

Let's go upstairs.

LONDON: Why? Who's upstairs?

Very bad. Catch me.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You're crazy.

-What is this? -SYD: It's for you.

-For me? For me? -For you.

Oh, my God, Syd, I love it. Thank you.

I love you.

I love you.

Come on, "I-- I-- I love you too, London,"

uh, you fucker. You can say it. I'm not gonna tell anybody.

-London, don't. -Don't what? What am I doing?

-This. This. -What am I doing wrong?

Whatever this is, this need, this obsession to put

a verbal label on everything.

-It's not about words. -No, it is about words.

Because if we didn't have words, we'd be uh,

living in caves and still,

-fucking talking with our hands. -Stop. Stop, please.

We haven't come close to a fight.

If we can avoid that first fight

by theory, we'll never fight.

Okay? Please.

It's been so perfect till now. Don't do this.

It's been perfect for you. For you.

SYD: London.

BECCA: Coming.

Wait a minute, someone's at the door.

-Hello. -Hi.

Wow, you look beautiful.

You look hot. Nice hat, nice boots.

Thanks.

-Hey. -SYD: Hey, Becca.

-Rebecca. -Bateman. Friend of Syd's.

Nice to meet you. Nobody's here yet, guys.

So just come on in and make yourself at home.

Okay, you're not gonna believe who's just fucking shown up.

Great party, mate.

Oh, It'll be better. It'll be better.

Trust me. I promise you.

Okay, I've gotta go. Psst.

Please, tell me, you did not bring Syd here.

Oh, my God, I just rode up in the elevator with him.

-Why? He's not invited? -He's so not invited.

He's fucking touching my Buddha's head.

Hey, London, it's me. Give me a call as soon

as you get this, okay? Okay, bye.

Fuck it.

Hey, Syd. Do us a favor, yeah? Don't touch the Buddha.

Okay?

He's a fucking cocksucker.

Where did you get your hat?

It's so cute on you.

BECCA: He's fucked.

To show up at someone's party. He isn't even fucking invited.

-Did they just go upstairs? -Uh-huh.

Right. Nice. Nice of them to ask.

[SNORTING]

So, wait, I'm confused,

did you say you do believe in God or you don't?

God might not be the appropriate word for it.

It's more of an epiphany, if any.

Epiphany? What was your epiphany?

Well, for me, an epiphany is when you really see

the universe in all it's splendor and beauty

and you suddenly understand everything.

What do you mean by everything? What does that mean?

Fucking everything.

Everything you can fucking imagine.

Everything, what you don't know what everything means?

Yes, I know what everything means.

I just don't know what you mean by everything.

It means everything, doesn't it? You know, everything.

So, what's your problem?

Well, I think for someone who's seen the infinite

you're a little fucking vague.

You'd think with someone who's had a God like revelation

-you'd be more specific. -It's not about specifics.

It's like an energy that hits you between the fucking eyes

-and you're enlightened. -And you see everything?

No, you don't see everything.

You see nothing. But you understand everything.

And you know what got me the most?

Is that I understood time horizons.

What's a time horizon?

-[SNORTING] -[SNIFFING]

It's like this. I understood where I stood in relation

to where the Romans and the Jews

were 2000 years ago and why I was here now.

Then I felt this enormous compassion,

you know, for the struggle of the human race

and what it had to go through for us.

You know, for life as we know it to come to this point.

I mean, it's truly remarkable, but at the same time,

It's utterly fucking disturbing.

I mean, we're the same people that were living in Roman times

throwing boiling oil on each other

and crucifying Christians for fuck's sake.

Not that that's entirely a bad thing.

[DOOR KNOCKING]

Syd, are you in there? It's Maya.

SYD: Oh, fuck! Fuck me. Fuck, fuck.

-Give me one second. -What the fuck have you done?

-Look. -Fuck.

-SYD: Sorry. Fuck. -BATEMAN: You clumsy bastard.

What have you fucking done? Shit.

BATEMAN: Look at that.

It's covered in fucking beer.

-Fuck. -MAYA: Oh, my God.

BATEMAN: What are you gonna do?

-SYD: Goddamn it, Syd. -BATEMAN: Instant karma.

-I got it. -BATEMAN: Give up blasphemy.

MAYA: Get up here. No, we can totally save this.

BATEMAN: What are you gonna do, eat food off the floor?

-SYD: Don't sniff that shit. -BATEMAN: Fucking gross.

-BATEMAN: Do me a favor. -SYD: God fucking damn it.

MAYA: God, is this it?

-SYD: Yes. -MAYA: Are you kidding?

SYD: No, it's my fucking fault too.

MAYA: Just snort it off the floor.

SYD: No, you don't wanna do that.

I shouldn't have put it by the fucking sink.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SYD: What are you doing?

[SNIFFING]

-SYD: What's that? -As I said, all is not lost.

-SYD: Bateman, Jesus Christ. -Oh, my God, you fucking rock.

Look at this, do you know this painting?

SYD: No.

It's Van Gogh's Wheatfield with Crows.

The most significant painting the man's ever painted.

-Oh, well, then. -Fuck, it's true.

BATEMAN: That'll do for starters, won't it?

Look, this is the last painting the man did

before he killed himself. It's his suicide note.

Look, he even put his left ear in the fucking clouds.

There, is his mutilated left ear.

Can you see that? I mean, not everyone sees it,

of course, but there it is.

He mutilated his left ear and he put it

in the fucking painting. What does that mean?

Hey, so, Maya, I'm curious. You're a smart chick.

Do you believe in God?

You guys have been doing way too many drugs.

SYD: Answer the question. Yes or no?

Um, God, that's a really long conversation

but I will tell you something I read the other day

that really freaked me out. I don't remember where it was.

It was like Russia or Germany or one of these places

but these scientists, they took this female pregnant rabbit...

and they hooked up to, like, a heart monitor and an EEG

which sensors your brain waves.

And, like, the second after she gives birth

they take these babies and they jump in a van

and they start shooting them

one by one in the back of the head with, a 22 rifle.

From, like one mile away,

-[SHOT FIRING] -Bam! Five miles away,

-[SHOT FIRING] -bam! Twenty miles away--

Don't tell me people are running around the woods

-killing little bunny rabbits. -What's so interesting

is that every time that they would shoot

one of these poor babies in the back of the head

the mother's heartbeat and brain waves would go crazy,

so, I'm just saying there's, you know, shit like that,

and then--

Right. Like the mother knew the babies were getting shot--

Yes. Every fucking time. Exactly.

I mean, there's all that stuff, you know,

like those weird identical twins, right?

One of the brothers is just walking down the street

gets stabbed by some serial killer.

-[SNORTING] -[SNIFFING]

Wait. So he gets stabbed, right?

And then, 900 miles away, at the exact same time

his twin brother falls down.

SYD: It's weird, it's very weird, yes.

Wait, do you wanna let me finish what I'm saying?

-SYD: Please, please, finish. -MAYA: Okay, he falls down.

Fucking gets hospitalized due to heart palpitations

at the exact same time his brother was stabbed.

-Why are you shaking your head? -SYD: You sound like London.

-What? How is it a coincidence? -It's coincidence.

SYD: You know what, Maya, I've had this conversation before.

-I'm not having it here. -Well, then, let's not.

Then don't ask me about God, okay, Syd?

Hey, is London here yet?

Um, no, I don't think so.

Did you meet her boyfriend?

Yeah, a couple of times. He's nice.

[SNIFFING]

Is he, like, an attractive guy? Is he good looking?

Are you asking me if he's an attractive guy?

I guess.

You guess? What do you mean, you guess?

-I mean, I guess. -All right, so now, I'm curious.

Do you think he's more or less attractive than me?

Syd, I don't know.

Well, you do know. You just aren't telling me.

I don't know, Syd. You guys just-- you know,

You have totally, different looks.

All right, yes. We have very different looks.

But whose do you like more? His or mine?

This is stupid, Syd.

Okay, fine. Um...

I guess, on some level, I find him attractive.

That doesn't mean that I find him

any more or less attractive then I find you.

Okay?

Baby, I'm not gonna lie to you.

Just because we're going out, doesn't mean I'm gonna, you know

suddenly not be attracted to the opposite sex.

He's a friend, who happens to be attractive.

It was one lunch. Why are you freaking out?

I'm not. But you don't see me going to lunch

with a bunch of attractive people.

Okay. First of all, it was one guy, not a bunch.

And, you know, it's really not my problem

that you don't have female friends, is it?

Because, no one's stopping you from having female friends.

I love this, by the way.

So for the sake of conversation,

-Syd. -For the sake of conversation,

-Let's just pretend you and I -Please, can we just drop it?

don't know each other. Listen. Just listen to me.

Let's pretend for five minutes you don't know me,

I don't know you. We're not dating.

Me and what's-his-name are in the room.

-Who do you pick? -I do know you, Syd.

I do know you. You can't--

Remove that from the equation.

-You can't remove it-- -Who do you pick?

Gun to your head. Who do you pick?

I would pick you. I would pick you in any equation.

[DOOR KNOCKING]

WOMAN: Are you all right in there?

Everything is fine. Thank you.

Syd, literally, this has,

gotta be one of the most insane conversations

I've ever had with you.

I don't want to fuck him. I don't.

-Fuck him? -It was one lunch.

Who ever said anything about fucking him?

I didn't say fucking, I said attracted to him.

But that's obviously what you meant.

-No, it's not! -Please keep your voice down.

I meant attracted, you said fuck.

Can you just fucking shut the fuck up?

What do you want?

I want you to answer the fucking question.

Syd, you're-- you're a cute guy.

You are. You really, really are, but I don't know.

He has this angular, sexy, Diesel-ad thing going on.

But, you know, I don't even know him.

-So maybe he's an asshole. -SYD: You know what?

Fuck you, Maya.

If you were my friend, you would've lied.

Syd. Syd, Syd, you are at her going-away party.

If you don't calm down, you're gonna drive me

and you, and everyone else, and her

at this fucking party, crazy.

Just say goodbye and let her go, because she's gone.

She's gone, man.

Line, anyone?

Uh,

no. No, thank you. But do you have a cigarette?

I'm sorry.

[SNORTING]

-[MAYA GROANING] -[STOMPING]

Light. I'm sorry.

MAYA: All right, all right, you know what? I'm gonna go.

-Are you leaving? -MAYA: Thank you.

MAYA: Thank you for everything.

-Really. -Listen, do me a favor.

Please don't tell London I'm doing blow in this bath.

That'll really screw me.

You know, Syd, yeah, you know, I'll try to remember that.

Maya, I'm serious. Please?

-[MUSIC PLAYING] -[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

BECCA: Hey, please tell me

you're not doing coke in my parents' bathroom.

-What? -I saw you go upstairs.

-Where did you go? -To the bathroom.

Swear to God, you're not doing coke

-in my parents' house. -Oh, my God, I swear to God

I'm-- I'm not doing coke in your parents' house.

Okay, I'm sorry, darling.

BECCA: All right.

Have a good time. I'm sorry.

How long were you two together?

Who? Me and London? Two and a half years.

You split when? Six months and a few days ago.

You're counting, Syd. Not a good sign, mate.

Why? Why do you say that?

Joking. I mean, what's the girl's name?

-Maya. -Maya.

-Can I have one of those? -Maya.

I'd do some terrible things to her.

BATEMAN: She's an X-rated Barbie doll.

-How old is she? -I don't know, like 16, 17.

Seventeen?

-Now I really wanna fuck her. -You'd fuck a 17 year old?

What, you wouldn't?

Mate, if it's not against the law,

then what's the problem?

You can fuck a 15 year old in France.

Does that make them all pedophiles?

Right situation, right country, you'd fuck one too,

-believe you me. -Right, right.

International waters, deserted island,

all types of shit can happen.

But if any of my female friends knew

I fucked a 17 year old,

-they'd lose it. -What's the matter with you?

If we told women a tenth of the horrible things

we think and do, do you think we'd ever get laid?

Like when I asked a girl to piss on me.

You asked a girl to piss on you?

Yes, mate, but I was on a horrible amount

-of X at the time. -Did she piss on you?

Actually, no she uh...

pissed in my mouth.

Oh...

She pissed in your mouth?

It was not a pleasant experience believe me.

[LAUGHING]

SYD: How the fuck does that happen?

What is the exact conversation that leads to a girl having

to piss in your mouth?

It was a fucking mistress.

-You paid an S & M chick? -Many times.

"Many times."

Listen, it's an expensive hobby, both mentally and financially.

So, what's the deal? How does it work?

Look, I don't know if I want to go there, you know?

Come on, explain it. I don't care. No one cares.

-Did you get your shit wet? -Yeah. Me too.

It's my fucking Savile Row suit. It's fucking 5 G's.

I've kept it out of the rain all day.

Look at the state of it.

Look, I don't wanna go there. All right, Syd?

Come on. I don't care. I'm not gonna tell anybody.

Why the fuck do you wanna know?

SYD: I wanna know how does it work? You just go over there?

Look at you, you fucking dirtbag.

-You brought it up. -You wanna go there,

you fucking go there.

Leave my fucking demons to myself, mate.

-Where is it? -Tribeca, you cunt.

Explain it. How does it work? You just walk over?

BATEMAN: Look, you phone from downstairs

and, magically, they let you in,

through these, enormous iron gates.

You know, you get all excited.

You know, you get all wrapped up.

You can't wait to fucking get in there.

-[WHIP STRIKING] -[MOANING]

BATEMAN: The whole thought of it just gets

amongst your fucking veins. You're into it, you know?

And then, all of a sudden, they give you a big, fat form.

It's a five page disclaimer in fucking triplica.

And you're like, "Hold on. What is this? Paperwork?

I've come here to get my fucking dick sucked.

I didn't come here to sign forms."

It's fucking hilarious. You don't pay them,

you give them a fucking donation.

I mean, that is so American, isn't it? Come on.

And then they give you a list and a little pencil,

like in the sushi bar.

and you start checking off the requirements.

You know, whipping, spanking...

Ah!

Come on, you fucking dirty shit-cunt whore.

Fucking whip me!

...nipple clamps, coprophilia.

-What's coprophilia? -When they shit on you.

-BATEMAN: Shit in your mouth. -Oh!

There you can have it straight in the mouth

or you can have it over a glass coffee table.

Can you imagine? They fucking wheel out a glass table

and they just shit all over it, and you're just like,

"Ah! You dirty bitch!"

Who the fuck asks for that fucking misery?

SYD: I hope not you.

Yeah, what about me?

Anyway, you know, there's a lot--

I mean, the list is long, mate.

-Infantilism, you've got-- -What's infantilism?

You know, they turn you into a baby, give you a bottle.

Put you in diapers, nurse you like a two year old,

turn you into an infant.

I mean, it's the sickest,

most twisted place you'll ever go.

I mean, they claw your balls.

they'll tie your cock up with a shoelace

stick truncheons up your ass.

I mean, it's twisted. It's fucking twisted.

But I'm telling you, the moment you come...

The moment you come, you are so sober.

I mean, so fucking sober.

You're like, "What have I just done?

What the fuck have I just done?

I've just paid 275 dollars for some stranger

some chick I don't even know, to, like, whip me

and piss on my head."

SYD: So where's the upside?

Why do you do it? I don't get it.

Well, on a physical level, it can be rather pleasurable.

-Psychologically, -[COUGHING]

this is without getting too deep here,

I think it has a lot to do with pain and self-flagellation

both literally and metaphorically.

I mean, I don't know whether it's the culture or what

but the English, in general,

are very into pain and spanking.

The English? Really?

Yeah, you're always reading some story

in the Sunday papers about some,

judge or vicar bent over a hooker's knee.

I didn't know the English were so fucked up.

Mate, the English are very,

I mean, very fucked up.

[DOOR KNOCKING]

-SYD: Yeah, one sec. -[SNORTING]

Sweating like a fucking rapist.

Syd.

Come and have a look at the view.

SYD: Yeah. It's Mallory, the girl from the bar.

I'll hook you up.

-Come back in. -Who?

SYD: Mallory. The girl from the bar.

-She's hot. I'll hook you up. -No, no, mate, no.

I'm too-- I'm wanked, mate. I can't be fucking with girls.

So what? So am I.

I've been drinking this piss. No, I can't, fuck it. No.

I can't operate when I'm like this.

-Who cares? -I'm fucking dizzy.

SYD: She'll be in and out. Who cares?

You help yourself to that, I'm gonna leave.

-It's been a fucking pleasure. -No,

no, no, don't leave. Don't leave.

Please don't fucking leave. Go get a drink, come right back.

-No, mate, no. -Bateman, one fucking drink.

It'll come right back. Work Mallory, she's hot.

Fuck you. A drink of what? What do you want?

Anything. A bottle. A bottle. Jack, tequila, whiskey.

You're staying, though, right?

-One fucking drink. -One fucking drink.

SYD: Fine, fine, just don't go anywhere.

-You'll fucking thank me. -[RAIN FALLING]

MALLORY: I haven't had a bump in like three hours.

SYD: Bateman, this is my friend Mallory.

Mallory, this is Bateman.

MALLORY: Hey.

You're the guy from the bar, right?

-Mallory, yeah? -Uh-huh.

Bateman.

Nice to meet you.

-Oh, sorry. -Excuse me.

-What a clumsy idiot. -Sorry. Um...

Well, how do you guys know each other?

A friend of a friend.

MALLORY: What friend?

[SNORTING]

I don't know, Mallory.

What's with the 20 questions? Fuck.

MALLORY: Just asking.

So, what, are you leaving or something?

I'm just gonna grab us a drink and then uh,

I'm coming back. Do you want one?

Um...

Sure, I'll have another one.

-I'll see you in a minute. -Good.

I'll see you in a minute, Syd.

-[DOOR CLOSING] -Damn, kid.

So how do you know that guy?

He got this blow for me.

He's not a dealer, he just knew the guy.

-Oh, yeah? Yeah. -Yeah. Good guy, right?

SYD: Hey, you don't know if London's here, do you?

Uh, yeah, she got here like a minute ago.

What'd she say? Does she know I'm here?

Um, No. She didn't say anything.

-[SNORTING] -[SNIFFING]

I can't fucking believe she's leaving tomorrow,

you know? That's so fucked up to me.

Yeah, well, instead of you staying here all night,

why don't you go out and talk to her, you know?

I'm sure she'd love to talk to you.

SYD: Yeah, I doubt that.

Why? Like, why wouldn't she wanna talk to you?

You guys in a fight or something?

A fight? Mallory, she hasn't called me

in two months. I wasn't invited tonight.

Don't you think that's a little fucking odd

she wouldn't call and tell me she's moving

across the fucking country?

-Dude, she didn't call you? -No.

Dude, that's fucked up.

I know. Didn't even leave a fucking message.

I know that girl better than anybody.

MALLORY: When's the last time you talked to her?

SYD: I don't know, two months. MALLORY: Really?

I'm sure she was gonna give you a call.

When was she gonna call me? I just checked my messages.

Is she gonna call me from LAX?

Dude, I don't fucking know. Man.

Fucked up!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MALLORY: Hey, Syd, can I ask you something personal?

What?

MALLORY: Well...

I mean, It's probably, you know,

I don't know if it's true, that's obviously why I'm asking

and, you know, since we're cool and all,

I just figured-- I'm kind of concerned.

but I-- Anyway, I kind of heard that, um--

What? Something about London?

Well, I heard-- It's probably bullshit.

But I heard you--

What, Mallory? Spit it out. Fuck.

Dude, I kind of heard that you tried to, um, kill yourself.

What? Who told you that? London?

No, it wasn't London.

-Well, who told you that? Who? -Dude, I don't know.

It was a long time ago. I don't even remember.

Yea, well, Mallory, London's the only person

that knew about that, so any way you heard it,

it's pretty fucked up.

-So, what? It's not true? -No, it's not fucking true.

MALLORY: Dude, I don't get it. What the fuck happened then?

Well, why don't you tell me what you heard happened,

and then I'll tell you what really happened.

Just after this bump. Hold up.

[MALLORY SNORTING]

MALLORY: All right. Okay.

So I heard that, like, you guys had a fight or something,

and you broke out, she drove back to your place,

and found you unconscious next to some sleeping pills

or something and you had to get your stomach pumped.

That's what I heard.

SYD: Okay, now do you wanna know what really happened?

Yeah. I mean, that's why I asked.

-You know my dog, Toker? -Yeah.

-Yes, well, he's epileptic. -Okay.

So the vet, he prescribed phenobarbital.

-Pheno--? What the fuck is that? -Phenobarbital.

They're barbiturates. They're downers, for his fits.

Wait a minute. Your dog has epilepsy

-SYD: Yeah. -and got prescribed--?

Yes. Let me finish. Let me finish. Anyway,

it was my two year anniversary with London

and I knew she thought, I'd forget. So--

LONDON: Syd, you always forget. Always.

Oh, fuck.

-I feel like such a bitch. -Well, you are a bitch.

Open it.

-Open it. -Okay.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, my God.

This is so gorgeous.

How did you know I wanted this dress?

I saw you drooling all over it last time

we were at Valentino.

I love it!

Oh, it's so beautiful.

Thank you so much, baby.

SYD: There's more.

-What the fuck is that? -It's a basketball.

LONDON: What--? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[DOG WHINING]

Hi, little guy. Hi, little guy.

Oh, baby.

I love you so much. I love you.

Look at him. I can't believe you did this. I--

[PHONE RINGING]

-Thank you. Okay. Okay. -[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Hey. Can I just call you back?

No, I'm just in the middle of something.

All right, bye.

-Who was that? -It was Mallory.

Look at his paws.

What? What is it? What's wrong?

I heard a guy's voice on the phone.

What? Are you fucking crazy? That was Mallory.

You swear to God?

Yes, I swear to God.

If you don't fucking believe me, go ahead and call her.

Syd. Are you really gonna, fucking, call her?

Yeah, is Mallory there?

This is London's boyfriend. Who the fuck is this?

London, what the fuck is this?

Who was that? Why did you lie?

-LONDON: Let me just explain. -You better fucking explain.

What? What? Why did you lie? Are you cheating on me?

LONDON: No, no. Listen.

I was really fucked up. I was out with the girls.

-Oh, fucking perfect. -Are you gonna let me explain?

Yes, yes, you better fucking explain, London.

LONDON: Okay, the clubs were closing,

we decided to go back to Becca's boyfriend's loft.

I fucking passed out. I wake up the next morning

and the guy-- there's somebody lying in bed next to me.

And then what? He didn't try anything?

You're fucked up and you're in his bed,

he didn't try anything. I find that hard to believe, London.

And don't fucking lie to me.

If you fucking lie to me, I'm walking out the door.

Syd, he tried to kiss me. But there was nothing

because I pushed him away.

-It was not a big deal-- -Define tried, London,

I wanna know every single fucking detail.

Were you on the covers or under the covers?

-Was his hand on your tit? -No, Syd. He, ugh--

He tries to kiss me and I pushed him away.

-You pushed him away? -Yes. Yes. I walked outside.

Mallory called me a cab, and I went home.

If you went home, why the fuck is he calling you?

-How does he have your number? -I don't know, Syd.

Maybe-- maybe Becca's boyfriend gave him the number.

But I definitely didn't give it to him.

Nothing happened. I swear to God. Nothing happened.

Don't you fucking believe me?

London, I don't know what the fuck to believe, please.

You just swore to God that was Mallory on the phone

and it wasn't. So, what the fuck?

We've dated for two years. I believed everything

you've said, up until this point.

Now it's like-- I don't know what the fuck to believe.

It's like your words are meaningless.

I just don't trust you anymore, London.

I made a mistake. I made a fucking huge mistake.

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry-- -If it was one fucking mistake

why did you just tell him you were gonna call him back?

Why would you tell a guy, who you don't know,

whose number you don't have, you're gonna call him back?

What the fuck is that?

So I took a couple of Toker's phenobarbital.

Wait, you took your dog's medication?

Phenobarbital is phenobarbital.

It doesn't matter the fact that it was for my dog.

People have been taking it, recreationally, for years.

Doesn't matter that it was for him.

Smoke that.

So wait a minute, what does it do to you?

They make you feel good. They're euphoric.

You know, they're like downers.

-Okay. -Anyway,

I was pretty drunk at the time

and I took like five or six of them.

Five or six doggy downers?

Toker's 50 pounds, he takes two.

I'm above 170, five or six seems pretty good.

MALLORY: Shit.

The problem with barbiturates is that if you're drunk,

you can kind of fall into a coma if you're not careful.

MALLORY: Man. You went into a coma too?

-What's wrong with you? -No, I didn't go

into a fucking coma, Mallory.

London came back to apologize or whatever.

LONDON: Syd? Syd!

LONDON: Syd! Somebody, please, help!

[COUGHING]

It's so fucked up. The fact she's out there

telling people that, makes me so furious.

I would never do that to anyone. It's just fucking rude.

-They never pumped your stomach? -No, they didn't pump shit.

I went to the hospital. I took a few coherency tests.

That's it. That's all.

Do you see how reality gets twisted

when little, fucking girls gossip?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I guess.

What? Do you not believe me?

No, of course I believe you, Syd.

That's why I asked. I was concerned.

Just makes me so fucking livid that she's out there

telling people this warped version of what happened.

You know what?

Just please don't go out there telling her I told you this.

All right, that's the last thing you need right now.

SYD: Believe me, Mallory,

the last thing I'm gonna do is mention your name.

Well, honestly, if I were you,

I wouldn't even bring the shit up, okay?

It's her last night here.

Just focus on something positive,

all right? She don't wanna hear that shit.

Fuck.

MALLORY: What? What's wrong?

I don't know, I don't know.

Because I start sweating and my heart starts pounding

and I feel like my head's spinning

and the world's crashing around me.

And I get pulled down, down, further into, like, the darkest

meanest places of my brain, and I start suffocating.

And you feel like you're dying.

What? What? Say something.

-What would you like me to say? -Anything.

Something. I don't care.

I can't be your crutch, Syd.

Oh, you are such a miserable, fucking human being.

THERAPIST: Miserable in what way?

In the way that you're sitting there,

and just taking my fucking money and I'm dying.

Nothing you do helps me. The Prozac doesn't help.

The lithium doesn't help. The Zoloft doesn't help.

Nothing you do helps.

You're kind of a fucking asshole.

I just wanna fucking...

turn the pain off, you know?

Just give me something that the pain can go away with,

you know? Can you do that? Don?

I think-- I think you're doing great.

[SNORTING]

SYD: And when that first wave of anxiety hits,

it's fucking terrifying because you're like,

"Fuck. Maybe I'm really going crazy. Maybe I've,

finally, done enough drugs and fucked with my head enough

that I've just detached from reality, you know?"

You start having these horrible revelations.

MALLORY: Like what?

Like, I started freaking out about death, you know.

I became obsessed with it.

I just couldn't conceptualize not being here.

Just not being here someday.

One day, Mallory, you and I are gonna be dead. Buried. Gone.

And you think about religion and how people are just,

blindly swallowing these concepts like God

and heaven and afterlife, just to suppress

our deepest most fears which is that we don't know

why we're here. Why are we here? It makes no sense.

It totally makes sense, okay?

At the same time it allows people, the masses,

to go on living their everyday lives

without constantly obsessing over these things

you're talking about, man. You know, these realities.

-[SYD SNORTING] -Life, death,

heaven, hell. Existence, why we're here.

You know, who knows, it's possible that a god

does exist. You know, energy, force, spirit,

whatever you wanna call it. I believe that.

Fair enough. So, what do you think happens when you die?

I don't fucking know. You fucking die.

Why does there have to be an answer

to every fucking question?

Why can't there just be mysteries in the world?

You know what I'm saying? I don't know. Your body dies.

Your actual physical being dies, but your spirit, I do believe,

lives on. It lives on in the world.

Man, it's this continuing thing of existence, dude.

It doesn't have to have a fucking perfect answer why.

Fine. I buy that a bit more than an invisible guy in the sky

taking checks and balances on six million people.

I think that sounds like Santa Claus to me.

It's like a fairy tale for adults who can't handle death.

-[SNORTING] -[SNIFFING]

Yeah, because if you think about it

there was a time that we didn't know

that the world was round

or that the atom existed or whatever, right

because we didn't have the technology to observe it.

And then, boom, one day we do,

right? So, I mean, it's totally, conceivably possible

that in our lifetime,

we will have the technology to observe,

God or-- or-- or whatever it is that created,

us and the planets and the universe

and everything else. Right?

It's important to at least have faith in the possibility

of a higher being or something, or whatever

because otherwise, you're just-- I don't know,

you're gonna drive yourself completely,

-fucking insane. -Right, but that really

is the operative word, isn't it?

-What do you mean? What word? -Faith.

Because without faith, what do you have? You have nothing.

You got a few stories, written 100 years ago,

thousands of years ago,

by people who are much more clueless than we are today.

These are the same people, I might add,

that were crucifying people who said the world was round.

So, you know. I just need more proof.

I need scientific logic to support this religion.

Okay, if you want proof, I will give you proof.

There was a study that was done in Japan

with physicists, okay? They took two vats of rice

[SNORTING]

they put one in one room, they put one in another room.

They put a time-lapse camera on it so they could,

observe it for a month.

They-- they let all these people come in to one room

and they would say,

"I love you, rice. You are the best rice.

You are the most beautiful,

most gorgeous, sexy rice there is."

And in the other room,

they say, "I fucking hate you, rice.

I hate you. You're the worst rice.

Fuck you, rice, you're the worst rice."

After a month, the rice that they said "I love you" to?

Still edible.

The-- the other rice, looks like fucking black sludge.

I saw the pictures. I saw, you know,

the-- I-- the time-lapse video.

It's a study. It's real. And I saw it with my own eyes.

That's your proof right there.

I mean, it's energy. We're affecting something.

God-- is energy.

London, you're talking about rice.

Rice. It has nothing to do with religion.

-Nothing to do with God. -I don't know what you want.

I gave you proof.

I'm sorry, I don't find proof in that.

SYD: You know what your problem is?

You're problem is that you're so undyingly convinced

that everything your parents taught you

and everything your teachers taught you,

and you hold it as this indisputable, almighty truth.

Syd, can we, please, just drop it?

Please, can we just fucking drop it?

The only reason you wanna drop it is

because you know I'm right. Admit that,

we'll talk about whatever you want to talk about.

Shut up!

-Shut the fuck up. -But just admit it.

You're scared to question authority

cause what if they're wrong?

What if there is no God, what if all your parents

and all your elders were as scared of death as you were,

and they were brainwashed just like you?

You're just blind to see it.

Okay, so I'm brainwashed

because I happen to think that believing in something

other than, uh, meaningless

and nonexistence is a positive thing?

-Okay. That's really smart, Syd. -Good.

I'm glad you agree with me.

I was being facetious, you dipshit.

Why are you calling me a dipshit?

SYD: Why are you calling me a dipshit?

Because...

you always have to be right.

Why do you always have to be right?

And your ego. Your ego, it's just huge.

It's just out of fucking control.

Why you freaking out? There's no need to freak out.

Syd, because you don't know when to stop.

You keep going and going and going

until people just wanna smash your face in.

Okay, okay. Maybe God doesn't exist.

I guess me and the billions upon billions

and billions of other people

who actually pray to something are completely deluded

and you are right. You are all-knowing.

You're God, Syd.

Isn't that what you wanna, fucking, hear anyway?

That everyone else is wrong and you're right--

Doesn't everybody?

And I'm deluded? And I am fucking deluded?

You are-- You're sick. You're sick, Syd.

You need fucking mental help.

God, you just make everybody crazy.

You're making me fucking crazy. You just--

You blanket people with your pseudo,

intellectual bullshit

and then they can't fucking breathe.

You just suffocate people.

You don't talk to people, Syd. You talk at them.

Well, at least I talk about real shit, London.

We've been going out for two years.

What's the most intelligent conversation we've had?

Whether or not, Mac's having a sale on make up or not--

Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! You're so annoying.

No, fuck you! Fuck you, London!

You are ten times more annoying than me.

You know what? You get away with it

cause no one's listening. They just stare at your tits,

thinking of ways to fuck you.

I can't fucking believe

that I ever fell in love with a fucking asshole like you!

-You're such a fucking asshole! -Stop!

-I fucking hate you! -London. Take it easy.

SYD: Stop, stop, stop, stop.

SYD: Stop. Stop.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Stop.

SYD: Baby. Come on, now.

I'm not gonna get her back, am I?

I don't know.

Why don't you go talk to her.

Are you leaving?

MALLORY: I'm just getting really claustrophobic.

Dude, I need to get some air.

I'm not freaking you out, am I?

No! No dude, I'm so high right now.

I need a drink.

Here, let me-- let me give you some of this.

Can you um, bring that purse over for me?

-Yeah, of course. -Thanks.

SYD: Here.

-Oh, thanks, man. -Here, this is for you.

-Whoa. That's way too much. -No, please, take it.

-You sure? -Yeah.

Thanks, man. That's-- that's really sweet.

Um, so you-- do you wanna come out there or what?

Um, yeah, I'll be out there in a minute. I'm gonna,

just hang here for a minute or two.

All right. See you out there, okay?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

LONDON: You gotta come out.

Hello, girls. What's your name?

We're at a party, come on. What are you reading a book for?

Fancy a smoke in the little room?

We're reading, actually, about robopathology.

Complicated little thing, aren't you?

I was gonna leave,

and then I had to make a beeline over to you.

It's like-- I feel I know you or something like that.

-On a one to ten scale, -Uh-huh.

you're a four. In dim light. One lantern just so I wouldn't

have to look at your heinous, disfigured face.

You are absolutely-- you're beautiful.

I have to get out of here. That's my chopper.

-But before I do-- Yeah. -Oh, it's picking you up?

I invented this move.

She likes me. She's laughing.

-How old are you? -Um, 18.

Eighteen.

Let me just get another drink now.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Stop. I'm not hitting on you.

-I like your shoes. -You do?

Excuse me. Hey, girl, I'm out of here.

-Already? -I'm gonna miss you.

LONDON: I'm gonna miss you too.

-Thank you so much for coming. -Oh, you're welcome.

-Don't get shallow on me. -I promise-- are you kidding me?

I'm sorry. I'll see you later. Nice to meet you.

Call us when you get home.

One ring. Just let us know you're okay.

All right, all right, all right, come on.

Come on, Syd.

You gotta mellow out. You gotta mellow out.

You need a beer. You need a bottle.

Okay.

Stop doing blow. You gotta stop doing coke.

Don't grind your teeth.

If she sees you grind your teeth, you're fucked.

Come on, Syd. Mellow out, mellow out.

Be a man. Be a man.

There. Get a drink. Go out there, get a drink.

What's the worst that can happen, right?

What's the worst that can happen?

I can see London. So, what?

Fuck. Fuck.

Okay. You fuck up tonight, it's over.

Okay.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Come on.

You know I do.

Well, if you do, if you love me,

then why don't you just say it?

Why can't you just fucking say it?

Why is it so impossible for you?

It's-- It's three words.

It's-- L-O-V-E Y-- It's eight fucking letters.

You can't say eight fucking letters?

It's not a lot of letters.

[CAR HONKING]

Say it.

[EXHALING]

-[MUSIC PLAYING] -[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey, please tell me you were not doing cocaine

in my parents' bathroom.

What are you talking about?

Don't "what are you talking about" me.

I saw you go upstairs.

Yeah, I went to the fucking bathroom.

-Really? -Yeah, I had to pee.

Well, swear to God you're not doing cocaine.

Who the fuck is Bateman?

That's his friend or some shit. I don't know.

He's hot.

I think I want to have hot coke sex with him.

You fucking did cocaine!

Don't fuck with me. Are you?

Yeah, man, he's hot. I like guys with accents.

Oh, my God.

I gotta go.

Oh...

-So I met your girl, mate. -What do you mean, you met her?

Mallory. She introduced us.

I didn't say I knew you.

I didn't wanna blow your cover as it were.

But, my God, she is painfully gorgeous.

Yeah, no shit.

I'd go out there and speak to her immediately, Syd.

I can't go out there looking like this.

I gotta mellow out. I'm not thinking right.

If I go out there and she knows I'm on blow,

she won't even talk to me. I know her.

Fuck! How do I look? Do I look like I'm on blow?

-BATEMAN: No, you're fine. -SYD: No, look at me.

Look at my eyes.

A bit, yeah.

Come on. Drink some more booze. You'll be fine.

What was I thinking, getting these tonight?

So stupid, Syd.

You know, I just wanted to clear my head out.

Try and think a little bit clearer.

Now I'm so fucking spun I can't even think straight.

-Fuck. -Happens, mate.

I've never been particularly social

on this shit, anyway.

It's a lonely, lonely drug.

-SYD: This is fucking crazy. -[SNORTING]

I should bail. I can't do this.

-Should I bail? -BATEMAN: You could.

-I think you'd regret it. -Why? Why do you say that?

Well, personally, I'd much rather regret something I'd done

than something I was too afraid to do.

No shit.

But you gotta realize I haven't talked to this girl

in two fucking months.

Everybody here hates me. These are all her friends.

If I go out there, it is gonna get fucking ugly. Fucking,

ugly.

Fuck. With all the pills in the market, you'd think

they'd have something to take the edge off

a chick leaving you.

That'd be nice. Look, they have this theory.

Maybe it'll help. I don't know.

Fuck knows where it comes from, but the broad strokes of it are,

that it takes a third of the amount of time

to recover from a relationship as the relationship was long.

So, for example,

if the relationship lasted a year

you'll be good in four months.

Two years, you'll be clean in eight.

It's not a third, it's a half.

-Mate, it's a third. Trust me. -No, mate, it's a half.

Maybe in England, it's a third. In America, it's a half.

I dated her for two years. It's been six months

-and it's getting fucking worse. -Six months?

Come on. What are you complaining about?

You've got two months to go.

Good behavior, maybe a month.

Bro, I appreciate the pep talk but if you haven't noticed,

I'm still trying to get this girl back.

Look, I don't know if first love applies

to that theory, anyway.

It's been years, I still have these horribly,

lucid dreams about Helen.

It's almost like your brain is trying to compensate

for the absence.

You know, you think you're still married,

still in love,

life's just beautiful.

All of a sudden, you wake up, look over

and she's been gone for years.

-Fucking horrendous. -Yeah, no shit.

So you were married before?

SYD: How long ago?

Divorced three years ago.

-Who divorced who? -It's not that simple.

Well, what happened? Why did you guys split?

-Long story, mate. -Give me the abridged version.

"The abridged version." Look, I don't know.

The relationship didn't work on so many levels.

I think we both had one foot out the door for the two years

of our two and a half year marriage.

You know, but it's weird.

You know, when they tell you they're leaving,

it's like you don't even feel the hollowness.

It's an emptiness within an emptiness

and you're left with slightly less than nothing.

The person you were when you met,

just doesn't exist anymore you know? You're gone.

-So she left you? -Look, Syd, it's--

it's very fucking complicated.

Well, what happened? Did you cheat on her?

No, no, no. It's-- it's irrelevant.

Irrelevant? How is it irrelevant?

I think besides money,

infidelity is most, relevant reason

why people split up to begin with?

Yeah, yeah. True, true.

Come on, man. What's going on? I thought we were talking.

Let's talk, let's talk. Why did your wife leave you?

Syd, it's not a pleasant scene for me, please.

Oh, my scene's pleasant?

Mate, I've been 21 before. I know your pain.

But where you're trying to push me right now

is not a place you wanna go.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait,

Are you trying to say that since you're older than me

-your pain is somehow more? -Unfortunately, that's the case.

SYD: Listen, listen, first of all

you don't have the slightest, fucking clue

what pain I've been through, all right?

Just since you've been on this earth a couple decades

more doesn't mean that your pain is more or less than mine.

I'm sorry. I wish it did but it doesn't.

Secondly, don't make blind comparisons

when you have no fucking clue

what you're comparing, all right?

You think having your heart broken is pain?

You think losing God is pain?

Mate, I went through that trivial shit when I was 20.

I'm 40 now, mate.

Where you're trying to push me right now

is not a place you wanna go.

So why don't you do yourself a favor,

and don't fucking go there with me.

You're a fucking child. You're just a kid.

A kid? Listen, you pompous, limey fuck

if you had one tenth my pain,

you'd be psychologically fucking crippled.

Mate, seriously, fuck off.

Look, all we're doing is projecting shit here.

Look, take a step back. Let's relax, shall we?

Do a bit of gear. Have a line.

-No! Fuck the gear. -Come on.

I don't want that shit. Get it away from me.

-More for me. -It's Bateman, right?

Nice to see your memory is still intact.

Well, Bateman, let me give you a glimpse into my life,

a little insight into my personal fucking pain.

Mate, it's not necessary. Truly.

No, it is necessary.

And if you didn't think it was necessary,

you wouldn't have gone there, you wouldn't

have pushed my fucking buttons.

But you did. And if you don't wanna hear it,

you just stop snorting my shit and get the fuck

out of the bathroom.

Well, technically, it's my shit,

but I can see you're passionate, so, go.

So this fucker,

this fucking guy out in L.A.,

who my chick is now in love with,

he's, you know, endowed.

-She told you that? -Yeah.

So anyway, I needed to know how big. Not that I give

a fuck about another guy's dick or anything.

I just wanted to know. It's one of those things

you feel like you need to know. So we're in an argument,

and I keep pushing her, I was pushing her,

I was like, "How big is he?" you know, "How big is he?

She was like, "Let's not make an issue out of it, Syd."

And I said, "No, fuck that. Tell me how big he is."

And she says, "Ten and a half inches."

-Jesus, fuck. -Yeah, you believe that shit?

She could have at least rounded it down.

Look, the girl's trying to hurt you, mate.

Yeah, no shit.

But it really fucked with me, you know,

it fucked with my head knowing that this guy is in L.A.

with the only woman I love, fucking her

with ten and a half inches.

I'm chasing her around like a little fucking puppy dog,

doing everything and anything I can to get her back.

And it crushed me! It still fucking crushes me!

BATEMAN: Sorry, mate.

How exactly do you deal with that?

You don't deal with it. It deals with you.

God, it eats at you and it eats at you, you know?

We'd get in these fights, and I'd say,

the most horrible things. I'd be like,

It'll be like, "You just want a fat cock

in your fat snatch, you fucking whore."

You know, I'd-- Just mean, horrible things.

I'd be so fucking angry, you know?

I used to say the same shit, mate.

I used to say the most horrendous shit.

SYD: Why? What'd she do?

BATEMAN: She didn't really do anything.

You know, I imagine that a lot of it had to do with me.

A lot of it had to with my hang-ups

and depression and shit. But, my God,

I used to say the worst shit to her. I tormented that girl.

I lived with her for three and a half fucking years

and I hated her.

So, what was the final snap? What happened?

Did you cheat on her? Did she cheat on you?

BATEMAN: No, no. God, no.

SYD: Then, how do you know?

Because I didn't, you know? I didn't.

I know you didn't,

how do you know she didn't cheat on you?

I know she didn't. It wasn't her thing.

How do you know?

Listen, I was with the most beautiful girl

in the universe.

She didn't fuck me for two fucking years!

-Why? -I don't know.

Because we fought. I was in therapy.

I don't-- I don't-- Look, I don't know.

If you wanna know what it is, I'll tell you what it is.

You remember sentences that people say to you,

you know? Sentences that stick in your mind

like gunshot wounds that never fucking heal.

I remember my ex-wife said to me,

just when we started dating.

She said, "You know, I love it,

when a guy fucks me four, five times a night."

-Four, five times a night? -Yeah. Truly.

I was like, "You was with some guy

who fucked you four, five times a night?"

-You wanna know what pain is? -What?

I'll tell you what pain is, you fuck.

Why you calling me a fuck?

Because, my friend, you brought me here

and I didn't particularly wanna go here, but now I am,

so if you don't wanna go where I'm about to go

then you, better, tell me right now

and I'll walk out the fucking door

I'll phone my therapist and that will be it,

okay? End of story.

SYD: No, fuck that, I wanna hear this.

You're not going anywhere.

-You wanna know what it is? -Yes, I wanna know what it is.

Didn't we go over this?

Motherfucker, you wanna know what it is?

-Yes! -Pain, my friend

is when the woman you love wants to fuck you

four, five times a night, and you can't!

-Why? -Why? Why?

I'll tell you why. Because I'm an impotent man!

Motherfucker, that's pain!

That's fucking pain!

When your wife wants to fuck you four times a night

and you fucking can't!

You know that some fucker before you could.

And you know that some fucker after you will!

Well, I couldn't cope with that, could I?

That sense of ruination,

that insolvency that burns in your soul.

I couldn't fuck my wife!

Do know what that fucking means, mate?

Do you understand what impotent rage really is!

-I'm sorry. -You have no fucking idea, mate!

-I'm sorry. -Oh, you're sorry?

Oh, you're sorry, are you?

You dare--

You dare, you fucking dare ask me if there's a God?

Well, man, I feel forsaken. I feel cheated, you cunt!

I've lost in the big game,

and nothing else fucking matters.

It doesn't matter what you do,

If you can't hack it in the sack, mate,

if you can't hack it, in the game of love and sex

you are shit, my friend.

Because you can't do what the other man can do

to your fucking wife, mate!

I know what you mean, It's--

No, motherfucker, you do not know what I mean!

You couldn't possibly know what the fuck I mean!

I failed.

I fucking failed, mate.

And I'm still failing every fucking day of my life!

Every day!

Every fucking day!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

You know,

thought you were gonna clock me there for a minute.

I wasn't gonna hit you. I'm projecting.

You should see my group therapy sessions.

They're fucking psychotic.

Yeah, I'll bet.

Mate, do yourself a favor, please, for me.

Go and talk to your chick.

I don't think I can, man. To be honest, I'm thinking

about making a beeline for the elevator.

I can't go out like this. She doesn't even want me here.

Look, I hate to break it to you, mate...

but by now she knows you're here

and, unfortunately, time is not on your side.

What are you gonna do, wait outside

-like a fucking stalker? -Wouldn't be the first time.

-Go, man, go. Come on. -No, I can't, I can't, I can't.

Listen to me. God.

Listen to me, you might not have a ten and a half inch cock

but at least you can still fuck her.

So quit worrying about all the bullshit.

The fact is, she's here, you're here.

Life's too short to be a pussy, mate. Truly.

Come on.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I think I would love to do that.

I don't really know a lot of people there.

Not a whole lot going on in L.A,

but we'll find something to do, it'll be cool.

Hey, London.

Could I talk to you for a second?

Yeah. What is it? What do you want?

I wanna know if we can go somewhere and talk

for a second, please.

Um, you don't wanna talk here? We can't just talk right here?

Please.

Syd, A, this is my going-away party

and I think-- I think it would be pretty uncool

to the people who threw it for me

if I left just because you wanted to talk.

And, B, I don't know if you noticed

but we were kind of in the middle of a conversation

so, I don't know what to tell you.

Listen, I'm gonna, uh, grab another drink. Can I--

Can I get you something?

LONDON: Actually, yeah.

I'd love something. Something strong.

Fuck me up. All right.

What about you, bruiser? What are you drinking?

Is that a bottle of cockblocker?

So, um...

I heard you've been up in the bathroom

snorting drugs all night long. It's really productive.

Really? That's funny. I heard you told people

I tried to kill myself. Thank you, London,

that's really fucking great of you. I really appreciate it.

Who the fuck told you that? I would never tell anybody that.

It doesn't matter who told me that,

The fact is, I have known you

since you were ten, fucking years old.

We have been through everything together.

And you don't have the decency to call me--

-Please keep your voice down? -What the fuck is that?!

-You wanna talk? Fine, let's go. -Get the fuck off me.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

-What! Fuck. -I'm sorry.

-London, are you okay? -Uh, yeah.

Uh, we're just gonna-- We're gonna go-- go and talk.

Yeah? Because if you want, I'll call security

and have him taken out. I got no problems with that.

Becca, could you do me a favor?

Can you stay out of this, please?

You've been doing cocaine

in my parents' bathroom all night

so don't fucking tell me what I can,

and cannot do, in my own fucking house

considering, you weren't even invited.

It's cool, Bec. We're just gonna go.

We're gonna leave. It's gonna be fine.

It's not cool, London. Baby, he wasn't invited.

You didn't want him here, I didn't want him here.

No one wants him here.

Look, Becca, can you relax? Please?

-Don't tell me to relax. -Why?

Why can't you relax for two fucking seconds? We're leaving.

You're shouting, for starters, at my fucking party.

And also you're psychotic.

You couldn't take a fucking hint

if it smashed you in the face.

She doesn't want to be with you. She doesn't wanna spend, even,

-20 seconds with you. -We're leaving. Let's go.

-Bec, we're leaving. I'm sorry. -BECCA: You know what?

And, I'm sorry, London,

and I'm not trying to be a bitch here

but when you come back here, you come back alone.

I don't want you in my house again, all right?

Or I will call the fucking cops.

Becca, I'm really trying to be calm here, all right?

Fuck off. I'm so tired of you and your psycho fucking shit.

You wanna talk about psycho shit?

Let's talk about your fucked up life.

LONDON: Stop talking.

Fuck you!

Fuck this! You wanna fuck with me?

You wanna fuck with me? Let's do it right fucking now.

Why don't you fuck off, alrighty?

You weren't even invited to this.

SYD: You wanna fuck with me, Becca?

LONDON: Stop it. We're leaving right now!

How many friends did you fuck your freshman year?

What was it, 15, 20?

I think I lost count.

Was it the whole, fucking pledge class?

Isn't that funny, Jay?

You never really know your girlfriend.

Isn't that a total mind-fuck?

You're a fucking bastard!

You fucking wanker!

Get the fuck out of my fucking house!

LONDON: Hey!

-SYD: Fuck you. -BATEMAN: Come on, then!

Fucking prick.

BATEMAN: You want some, you fucking slag?

Hey, Syd!

Here, you cunt. Have some of that, you fuck.

Fuck off. Come on, then.

Hey, Syd!

Get off, you fucking asshole.

SYD: You fucker. Get the fuck off him.

Come on.

SYD: Wait a minute, I gotta get Bateman.

What? Who the fuck is Bateman?

BATEMAN: Come on in, you cunts!

You want some, do ya? Do ya?

SYD: Let's go, Bateman. Come on.

-My coat. My Burberry coat. -Fuck it, leave the jacket.

-I've had it ten fucking years. -MALLORY: I'll get it.

-Are you fucking crazy? -We'll be downstairs.

Guy's fucking nuts.

-You're bleeding. -I am so sorry.

-Where? -This is fucking insane.

-You are insane. -I am so sorry.

If you wanna go back upstairs, I completely understand.

-You don't wanna talk? -Yeah, I wanna talk. I mean...

Well, where? Where do you wanna go?

My car's, like, two blocks away if you want a coffee or...

-Yeah, okay. -All right. Okay.

Look, you're probably not gonna believe this

at all but,

I was kind of glad, when I heard you were at the party.

Ever since you and I broke up, All I've really wanted to do

was just have a normal conversation, you know,

just a normal conversation with you.

And I just feel like every time I see you,

it just gets so, like...

Like, weird and chaotic and,

scrambled, and I can't organize my thoughts

and I can't even express the most basic things

I want to say to you.

I know. Me too.

Whatever we had when we were together,

when we were in love, that feeling of just...

being able to lie in bed with someone for days and days

and not give a fuck about the outside world...

is gone and...

I feel like, there's nothing I can do

to ever get it back.

Do you know how painful that is?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

I cried for weeks when we broke up.

You cried for weeks?

Yes.

The hardest thing I've-- ever dealt with in my life.

How long did you go through that?

A long time. A long time.

I mean, the first month,

it was so, fucking bad and then...

you know, slowly, it gets better.

That's the difference between you and me, London.

I'm still going through it.

I tried to call you a dozen times today.

I'm terrified. I'm-- I'm-- I'm-- I'm afraid.

Of what? What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid of falling in love with you again.

-[KNOCKING] -[WINDOW ROLLING]

-Sorry, Syd. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SYD: Yeah, man, you fucked your eye up.

Yeah um, great party, mate.

It was fucking insane.

-But good chat, seriously. -Definitely.

You know, they say the greatest conversation

you'll ever have is with a stranger?

Who says that?

Eh, some useless cunt.

You guys need a ride or something? We can go uptown.

-if you want? -Me and Mallory, uh, ...

Don't know. We're gonna catch a late drink

cup of tea, something or other.

Raise the flag, perhaps.

Good luck. Thank you.

That's it. Thank you, mate. Truly.

London, lovely name, darling.

-Thanks. -BATEMAN: Nice to meet you.

-You have a safe flight. -Nice to meet you.

-Come by the bar, all right? SYD: I will.

London, call me. Have a safe flight.

BATEMAN: We're gonna catch a little drink.

SYD: All right.

[WINDOW ROLLING]

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

You do love him?

I never said I was in love with him.

Listen, Syd.

It's gonna be a really, really long time

before, you know, I fall in love with anybody

the way that I was in love with you.

[THE PERISHER'S "NOTHING LIKE YOU AND I" PLAYING]

[LONDON SIGHING]

LONDON: What time is it?

It's like, six thirty.

Six-thirty? Fuck. Shit.

My plane leaves in like an hour. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I will see you again.

I promise.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

I'm gonna miss you too.

-[SIGHING] -I gotta go.

Sorry.

-WOMAN: Hello. -Hi.

Sorry, I am-- I'm-- I'm just really late um,

I don't even know my flight number.

-WOMAN: That's all right. -Just for one second, okay?

-Here's my ID. -WOMAN: Thank you.

WOMAN: Just give me a few minutes

while I look for your information.

-Okay. Bye. -Goodbye.

-Bye. -Bye.

WOMAN: Okay, miss, I have your flight information.

Sorry. Uh...

I think, I might have missed my plane.

Can you just make sure I'm gonna be all right?

London?

I love you.

Can you just give me a second, please?

WOMAN: Sure. No problem.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

That's the first time you said it first.

[TROY BONNES' "CRIME" PLAYING]

WOMAN: Here you go. You're all set.

I'm sorry. Uh, okay.

-So I'm set? Great. -Yeah.

-Here's your ticket. -Thank you.

-I'm not sure where to go. -Gate 35. Upstairs.

Thank you and have a great flight.

[TROY BONNES' "CRIME" PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]