Original subtitles

And some stuff that just won't go away.

And some stuff that you couldn't ignore

even if you wanted to.

[Phone rings]

Hello.

[Paul] 'lt's me.'

Do you know what time it is?

'Yeah, and l'm sorry.'

Listen, are you pregnant?

Are these for me?

Yeah.

Flowers.

l suppose they were,

once upon a time.

Thank you.

Come on, Jo.

Oh.

And chocolates!

lt's come just at the right time for me.

lt's come just at the right time for me.

l was gettin' bored with that pub and football stuff.

You can only spend so much time

playing Subbuteo.

Having a kid's a brilliant idea.

lt wasn't really an idea.

lt might as well have been.

lt's perfect.

lt's not just the baby.

lt's, you know, it's you as well.

l think we're good together.

l thought l was Miss Jean Brodie.

l was wrong. l've been thinking about this.

You're George Graham.

The Arsenal manager.

And that's good, is it?

lt's brilliant.

You're careful and organised

and methodical and all that.

That's why we work.

l need somebody like that.

And you need somebody like me....

Work well as a team.

Not even as a team, as a club.

Paul, you do talk some terrible nonsense.

lt's not. lt's the truth.

lt's all working out.

Wife and baby, that'll do me.

Who said anything about a wife?

We'd want to do it properly, wouldn't we?

Liam? lf it's a boy.

The greatest Arsenal player ever

but it's a nice name.

Better apply for the job.

What job?

Rosie's Head of Year job. l said no -

but now, brilliant. Perfect timing.

We'll need a bit more money

'cause we'll need a house.

- Paul... - Ted'll be pleased, anyway.

- Liam, brilliant. - Paul...

We could live near the ground.

lt's cheap 'cause no-one wants a football stadium

on their doorstep. l'd pay extra

but we won't tell the estate agent.

Mortgage, wife, kid - cool.

Paul, none of this is real.

You're behaving like a little kid.

l've been impregnated by a 1 2-year-old!

Oh, thanks.

Thanks very much.

Sorry about that.

No problem, sir.

Sorry, you were saying?

Paul, this is exactly what l mean.

That was just a one-off. Never happened before.

l promise it won't be a regular feature of life.

Paul...

l haven't made up my mind

what l'm doing about this yet.

Do you understand?

Yes.

No, not really.

l can't see this working out.

- lt's my last chance. - Don't be silly.

lt's just what it feels like.

Are you prepared to be a one-parent family?

l think if we go through with this,

one of us is gonna have to be.

No, it'll be brilliant.

l don't think l've been

since George Eastham was in the team.

Before my time.

He was a lovely player.

The sort you don't get any more.

Languid and thoughtful and elegant.

You should come and watch Tony Adams.

How can l help, anyway?

l changed my mind about that Head of Year job,

if it's not too late.

No. No, excellent. l'm very pleased.

l've had a couple of applications

but l'd be glad to add your name.

Thank you.

Any particular reason

for the change of mind?

There is, actually, yes.

Er, Miss, um...

Well, Miss Hughes is pregnant.

Sarah Hughes? History?

Yes, yes, of course.

Um... Well, l didn't, um...

l mean, she...

How does this affect you?

Sorry, no. l left a bit out.

l'm the father.

l should've told you that

straight away, shouldn't l?

Anyway, yes, we're having a baby.

l haven't heard this from her.

You're hearing it from me, now.

Sorry, Paul, l can't share your joy.

Sarah's been with us five minutes

and a member of staff has knocked her up!

l'm intending to marry her and everything.

We won't embarrass the school.

You already have embarrassed the school!

How on earth are we supposed to talk to kids

about responsibility and contraception

and...and the rest of it

when the staff themselves...

Words fail me!

- l thought you'd be pleased. - About what?

The clandestine affair? The accidental pregnancy?

Not those bits, maybe,

but me applying for the job.

That's good, isn't it?

Are you a complete fool, Paul?

l'll talk to you later.

Yeah, OK, OK.

Calm down.

l want you to take your foot off the gas

in the second half.

What's the fun of beating a team

1 5 or 20-nil?

lt's brilliant fun!

All right. Just take it easy, eh?

You're like vultures.

Now go on!

Come on, lads!

Oh, hi.

We're winning 8-nil.

[Cheer]

Er, 9-nil.

[Shouts to boys] Calm down!

Are you a complete fool?

You've been to see Ted.

He's not best pleased with us.

Who else are you gonna tell? The kids?

We could recreate what we did in assembly.

Find the Durex that split and bring it in.

l could lose my job!

They can't sack you for getting pregnant.

l haven't been here long enough for maternity leave.

The union'll help.

None of this is the point, Paul.

The point is...

How many times have l told you

about playing to the whistle?

Call me later, OK?

See, if we...

Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!

Come on, you useless shower!

This lot are crap - get stuck in!

l'm not a psychologist...

but l'd suggest that taking up smoking

the week you find out you're pregnant

indicates a certain ambivalence

towards the pregnancy on your part.

He's given up.

- Paul?! - Mm-hm.

Mr First Thing in the Morning?

Yeah. We're both making it clear where we stand.

l start drinking and smoking

and he's given everything up.

This is horrible.

l don't care how much damage it's doing to me.

So if everything's as bad as you make out,

how come you're not applying for jobs in...Pitlochry?

l know Paul's gone completely mad.

l know, l know, l know.

lt's just that it kind of rubs off on you somehow.

lt makes a difference

- to how you think about things. - Like?

Like today, right?

l want us to win.

- With you so far. - l think we will.

Home to Norwich,

you'd usually predict two-nil defeat.

Nil-nil if you was on top of the world.

lf we don't, it's not the end of the world.

Four games left. twelve points to be won.

That's not what l mean.

lf we don't win the League,

l'll cope because of Sarah and the baby.

When you've got nothing else going on,

Arsenal fill all the gaps.

You end up getting in a state

about losing to Spurs

when really you should be

getting in a state about yourself.

But we will win today.

Sun's out, l'm gonna be a father,

Alan Smith's back.

Five-nil, no trouble.

Let's go.

[TV] 'George Graham off the bench

'to shake hands with a very disappointed Dave Stringer.

'Norwich know their Championship challenge

'has evaporated.

'Arsenal's is very much

'on course after today.

'Arsenal five, Norwich City nil.

'Alan Smith the man of the match

'with two goals,

'one of them a splendid effort...'

Everything's happening at once

and it's brilliant.

Stick with me. No way we won't win the League.

lt's all you, is it?

Nothing to do with George, Smithy, Rocky

or me buying sugar mice?

You never get feelings like that?

l felt brilliant the day

we got knocked out of the League by Walsall.

Got a pay rise,

got off with Caroline Walsh the night before.

Fat lot of fucking notice this lot took.

Some of us have it, some of us haven't.

You must've had a shitty life for 1 8 years.

l haven't had it all the time

but l've got it this season in spades.

Did you go?

Yeah. We were great, weren't we?

My mum wants a season ticket.

Can l have a quick word?

We're just talking about the rout of Norwich.

Yes, saw it on TV.

Very impressive.

lt's good that Alan Smith's back.

Yeah. Run along, Robert.