All language subtitles for Columbo - 3x06 - Mind over Mayhem.en

Heroin? He had heroin?

That man is lying!

I'll have to
expose him myself.

You fool.

You're not a very good liar.

I've got nothin' to hide.

I suspected you 10 minutes
after I met you.

All right, Lieutenant,
you win.

You're behind this.

Yes.

It's a real mess.

Do they know who did it?

He had an accident?

What're you
getting at, Lieutenant?

There is no power on earth

that could induce me
to keep the lid on this.

Something just computed.

[Machines humming]

Russia, 4-3-2.

China air attack,
1300.

[All chattering]

Sub-missile attack,
China.

17 and 18 are acting up.

Okay, I'll get right on it.

Dr. Cahill.

Yes, Ross?

I'm sorry to
disturb you, sir,

but Dr. Nicholson insisted
I give this to you at once.

He seemed very agitated, sir.

He's waiting in your office.

All right, Ross.

We'll postpone
the rest of World War III

until after lunch, gentlemen.

(Dr. Cahill)
The results so far
are completely unsatisfactory.

As a matter of fact,

your retaliatory response
indicates a total defeat

with a 75% mortality rate
for the Western Hemisphere.

I suggest that you
abort plan R-17

and devote the rest of
the afternoon to preparing

and computing
an R-18 response.

We'll tackle it
again after dinner,

hopefully with a more
auspicious projection

for the free world.

Hold the calls.

Marshall.

Howard.

Now, what the hell
is this all about?

Precisely what it says.

Your son is not going to
receive that award tomorrow.

And why not?

Because he is not
the scientist of the year.

If anything,
he's the fraud of the year.

Howard.

Oh, you must have suspected
the truth yourself, deep down.

That theory of
molecular matter

was way beyond Neil's powers.

Howard, you're a chemist,

and I would say
that your ability

to analyze a man's
intellectual capacity

is way beyond your powers

or is this
psychological deduction

something your wife
came up with

considering Neil's been
in therapy with her?

I assure you, it's more
chemical than psychological.

It's on paper
in my filing cabinet.

What is?

The evidence, Marshall.

Carl Finch developed that
theory of molecular activity

before he returned to England.

Neil was his
research assistant.

He'd have had access to
the notes Carl left with me,

notes I've just gone over

for the first time
since Carl's death.

Your son put his own name
to the work.

If this is true,

why didn't Finch
publish his theories himself?

Because there was
no such thing then

as a K-44 computer
to verify the equation.

But there is now,
right here in this institute,

readily available to your son.

Neil is
a competent computer analyst,

and that's all he is.

What do you intend to do?

I've asked my wife
to persuade Neil

to confess his plagiarism

to the National
Science Organization

and to decline the award
at the luncheon

in San Francisco tomorrow.

And if she
doesn't persuade him?

Well, I'll have to
expose him myself.

Unless you can persuade him
to admit the theft.

He certainly does whatever
you tell him to do.

You resent me so much,

you're willing to
destroy my son.

Oh, it's you who's
destroyed him, Marshall,

but not with love,

with browbeating domination.

He stole the work of a giant

to win the approval
of a tyrant.

You're a radical, Howard.

Yes,

and a dangerous one to you,
at the moment.

Now, look, Howard.
Finch is dead.

This isn't gonna
do him any good.

It's not gonna do
anybody any good.

What will it take to get you
to forget the whole thing?

Well, if Neil himself
does not confess,

there is no power on earth

that could induce me
to keep the lid on this.

Well, you got
your acceptance speech ready?

Yeah,
it's simple enough.

Just thank you

and I owe it all to
the opportunities afforded me

by the Cybernetic
Research Institute.

You know,

sometimes you make humility

sound more like
a vice than a virtue.

Suppose...

Suppose I told you
I don't deserve this award?

Just what I would
expect from you.

Self-effacing humility.

Credit to lab assistants,

credit to experiments
by your predecessors.

That's not what I mean.

Neil,

Neil,
be as humble as you like.

Einstein was the most
modest man I ever met.

Sure, he could afford to be.
He was a genius.

And so are you,

according to the National
Science Organization.

Right?

Right.

I'm very proud.

[Robot humming]

Checkmate.

[Whirring]

[Laughing]

Why did he do that?

Oh, Dr. Cahill, hello.

[Sighs]
Did you see that?

I've got MM-7's
emotion mode operating.

He's a sore loser.

[Whirring stops]

He was more impressive
when he was unbeatable.

He still is, Doctor.

It's just that
I thought it'd be fun

to make him
a little more human,

so l... I switched
a couple of circuits.

Little more adjustments
with that consender

and he'll be as temperamental
as a chess champion.

He's your baby, Steve.

I daresay
perfection can be a bore.

Yes, sir.

As a matter of fact,

all work and no play
does make Jack a dull boy.

The one provision we didn't
make in this institute

was recreational facilities
for children.

We didn't count on
having a boy-genius.

I know.

We're gonna have to get you
out of this lab more often.

Yeah?

Starting tonight,
if you'd like.

My secretary tells me
you expressed interest

in seeing that movie
at the drive-in.

Yes, sir.
The Loves of Frankenstein.

But I can't drive,
and she won't take me.

It's R-rated.

No one under 17 allowed

unless accompanied
by a parent or guardian.

Well, perhaps I can persuade
Murph to be your guardian.

Really?
That'd be really neat. Thanks.

Okay.

Hey, Murph.

Hey! Hi, Doc.

Having
a little trouble?

[Chuckles]

Oh, same old problem.
Pilot light keeps going off.

Yeah, well,
you'll lick it.

One day,
when everybody's using 'em,

you'll be the only mechanic
that can cope with it.

If you've got enough matches,
you won't need a mechanic.

Murph, I'm going to
ask you for a small favor.

Sure.

I need somebody to take
the young Spelberg boy

to the movies tonight.

Oh.

What's the matter?
You got other plans?

No, no, it's...

Listen,
the kid makes me nervous.

[Laughs]
What?

Well, it's not
what he says or does.

It's just my knowing
how smart he is.

Well, we'll forget about that
for tonight.

You punch your card in
for overtime,

and, uh, the movies
and hamburgers are on me, huh?

Okay, Doc, thanks.

Sure.

[All chattering]

(Dr. Cahill)
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen

if you are quite ready,
we will begin

the R-18 problem.

Turn on the juice, please.

[Whirring]

[Crickets chirping]

I left some coffee on
for you.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Now, we're starting
at 8:00.

So I probably won't be back
until late morning.

I'll stop at the market,
get some kippers,

and we'll have
a fine English breakfast.

Oh, you're too good to me.

You're too easy to please.

How many husbands
would say that to a wife

who's about to
stay out all night?

True.

But how many husbands
whose wives stay out all night

can reassure
themselves she's monitoring

a group-therapy marathon,

especially husbands my age
with young wives.

I haven't seen any new models
I'd trade you in for.

[Crickets chirping]

[Engine starting]

[Honk honking]

Margaret?

Margaret?

[Car engine revving]

[Brakes screech]

[Owl hoots]

(Dr. Cahill)
Much better,
ladies and gentlemen.

A very effective retaliation,
and without overkill.

Well, I think we could
all use a drink.

It's been a hard night.

You're all invited to
join me for a nightcap

at The Roadhouse.

[Crickets chirping]

(Dr. Cahill)
Hi.

[Car engine starting]

[Glass breaking]

Damn, l... I just can't get used
to these transmissions.

Lieutenant, I've been
dean of this academy

for over 20 years,

and we have never had
a situation like this.

Believe me, sir,
I know you've done your best.

If a student fails,

we consider it our failure,
not his.

To be honest with you,

I was afraid of
something like this.

We've had a lot of problems
with him at home.

Then you do understand

we consider it best
you withdraw him.

Yes.

I'm very sorry,
Lieutenant.

He just sits around
the house and drools.

Never moves.

We love him, but a dog
should do somethin',

even if he just
barks now and then.

[Telephone ringing]

Yes.

Oh, Lieutenant,
it's for you.

Yeah. Columbo.

Where?

I'll be right over.

Uh, I've got to go to work.

My wife and kids, they're
visiting my mother-in-law

up in Fresno.

You don't suppose you could
keep him for another week?

I'm sorry.

He demoralizes
the other students.

I won't be gone long.

[Dog whining]

Hey, Milt, what happened?

Uh, deceased is

Howard Nicholson, male,
Caucasian, age 64.

He died last night
between 8:00 and 9:00.

Multiple fractures.
Skull, ribs, legs.

It's a real mess.

Hmm.

Any sign of a weapon?

No.

You'd better look for
a couple of baseball bats.

I'll have a work-up
for you in the morning.

Okay, boys, move him out.

Uh, these are
the effects from his pockets.

All right?

Thanks, Milt.

What
do you make of it?

(Fields)
Oh, uh, possible robbery.

Victim's watch and wallet
are missing.

And a can of heroin.

Heroin? He had heroin?

He was a chemist.

He has a... a lab in his garage.

We checked.

Apparently
the only thing missing

is a... is a can of heroin
he had out there.

I don't understand.
The heroin is in the garage,

but he was killed here.

Beats me.

Who found the body?

Uh, Margaret Nicholson.
This morning.

Is she here?

Yeah, upstairs. I'll get her.

[Coughing]

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.

One, two, three, four.

Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday.

Today's Friday, right?

(policeman)
Right.

Last night was Thursday.

Thursday. Hmm.

[Camera clicking]

(Fields)
Lt. Columbo,

oh, uh,
this is Margaret Nicholson.

How do you do, ma'am?

I'm sorry to bother you
at this time.

I'd like to get this over with
as quickly as possible.

Yes, ma'am. Right away.

I understand you found
your father here this morning.

That's right,

and he's my husband,
not my father.

Oh, I am sorry.

It's... lt's a common mistake.

Go on, Lieutenant.

You found him here
this morning.

You weren't here last night?

I was at the institute.
I'm a psychologist.

We were having
an all-night therapy session.

I see. I understand
there was some heroin

in your husband's laboratory
and that's missing.

(Margaret)
Yes. It's gone.

Why did he have heroin?

He was doing
some drug research

for the government.

Hm.

Was he expecting
anyone last night?

No.

I left shortly before 8:00.

He was working.

In the garage?

Right.

And you didn't see anybody?

No.

(Dr. Cahill)
Margaret.

Excuse me.

Margaret, I, uh...

I am so sorry.

Why don't you stay
in one of the staff cottages?

Oh, thank you,
I was planning to do that.

Oh, uh, This is Lt. Columbo.

Marshall Cahill.

Prof. Nicholson was
a close friend and associate.

Margaret, why don't you go on?

I don't think
you should stay here

any longer than you have to.

All right. Lieutenant?

I think
that's a good idea.

Excuse me.

A terrible thing.

I just can't believe it.

Howard Nicholson.

Excuse me, sir,

just what kind of work
did the professor do?

He was a leading chemist.

He'd been with the institute
for almost 10 years.

What's the institute?

The Cybernetics
Research Institute.

What's that?

Well, you're... you're on
the premises right now.

You might call us
a think tank, Lieutenant.

All of this acreage
is part of the institute.

Oh, think tank. Oh, I read
about that in the paper.

Yeah. That's... That's a place
full of geniuses, right?

Right.

Uh, may I ask, sir, uh,

just what is it
that you do here?

I'm the director.

Exactly what happened here,
Lieutenant?

Oh, sir, I'm... I'm not
too deeply into the case yet,

uh, so it's hard
for me to say,

but, uh, you know, so far,

I would say
it was very confusing.

Confusing? In what way?

Um, well, you know, he was
last seen in the garage,

he was working in the garage,

and the heroin
was in the garage.

But the struggle
took place here,

and the body was found here.

So that makes it hard for me

to picture
exactly what happened.

Um, two drinks
here on the table.

You know, that would indicate
the professor knew the killer,

and they were
having drinks together.

But the missing watch
and heroin,

you know,
that indicates robbery.

Perhaps the robber
was somebody who knew him.

Right,
that's a possibility, sir.

But on the other hand
you see,

if the killer knew
Prof. Nicholson,

maybe he just took
the watch, the wallet,

and the heroin to make it
look like a robbery.

But on the other hand,

if he knew him,
why wouldn't he get rid of

those two drinks
there on the table?

Yeah, I see what you mean.
It is confusing.

Well, perhaps it's the work
of a psychopath.

You know, a drug addict.

Hmm.

It's very confusing.

Lieutenant,
I'll be at this number

if you need anything else.

Oh, thank you very much.

I'll just take
Mrs. Nicholson to her car.

Mrs. Nicholson.

Excuse me.

Just one more thing.

Was your husband
smoking a pipe last evening

when you left him?

Yes.

Is this his lighter?

Mmm-hmm.
It's a special lighter
for pipe smokers.

Mmm-hmm.

Hmm.

Was this room
cleaned yesterday?

As a matter of fact, it was,
about 5:00 in the afternoon.

Besides yourself,
your husband,
and the criminal,

was anybody in this room
after it was cleaned?

No.

Thank you very much.

Could I have a handkerchief?

Yeah.

Hmm.

You got anything?

No.

What's this?

I don't know.

It's shoe polish.
See, that's strange, isn't it?

They have
the place immaculate,

and they got
shoe polish on the door.

How do you figure
that got there?

Well, that beats me.

You find a pipe anywhere?

No.

Lieutenant, if I can be
of any help to you...

Lieutenant?

Oh, sorry, sir.
I wasn't listening.

Uh, did you see a pipe
around here anywhere?

Pipe?

Yeah, we're lookin'
for a missing pipe.

Yours?

Prof. Nicholson's.

He may have
left it in the lab.

That's a thought.

I'll take you there.

Excuse me,
w-what're you doing?

Th-They're under
my orders.

We're returning all the files
to the institute.

Much of the work here
is classified.

Oh, I see.

Go ahead, fellows.

Do you see a pipe?

[Laughs]
Pipe? No, not yet.

Is it important?

I don't know.

Thank you
for your help, sir.

I'll be at the institute,
Lieutenant,

if I can be
of any further help.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Doctor.

Yes?

One more thing.

I was just curious

whether there was anyone
around here that you know of

that might have
a motive to do

this kind of thing
to Prof. Nicholson.

[Birds chirping]

No.
Howard was a difficult man.

He offended
a great many people,

including me,

but murder...

If you ask me,
my guess is that the killer

is a complete outsider.

Well, I'm sure
you're right about that, sir,

and I certainly intend to
investigate that possibility.

Uh, but if you don't mind,

I'd just like to poke around
your institute.

Anything you say, Lieutenant.

We'd like to help
in any way we can.

We're deeply shocked
by this brutal murder.

The sooner it's solved
the better.

I'm gonna do my best, sir.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

Listen.

I'm not going away for long.

I'm just gonna
talk to this guy.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

[Barking]

[Whining]

I'm just gonna be right here.

I'm gonna talk to
this man for a little while.

Excuse me, can you help me?

Can you help me?

Oh, I'm only allowed
to work on institute cars.

Oh, I don't want you
to work on my car.

She's runnin' beautiful.

I'm Lt. Columbo.
I'm fromtheLAPD.

Oh, you investigating
the Nicholson murder?

Did you know Prof. Nicholson?

Just to say hello to.

He kept pretty much
to himself.

Are you in... in charge of
all these cars here?

Yeah, we're testing them.

They've all been
converted to natural gas.

It's part of
an environmental experiment.

Does everybody
at the institute
drive these cars?

[Dog barking]
Yeah, that's right.

I'm not going anywhere.

[Barking]

Uh, what happened
to this one?

Oh, just a little
front-end damage.

I rolled out the dents.

[Dog continues to bark]

Give me a break,
would you, please?

Uh, whose car is this?

Uh, this one checks out
to Mr. Ross,

that's, uh,
Dr. Cahill's assistant.

He had an accident?

[Laughs]
No, he didn't have it.

Dr. Cahill backed into it
last night
while it was parked.

Car was parked.
Cahill backed into it.

Uh...

[dog barking]

Could anybody else have
driven in this car last night?

Oh, no, not a chance.
I keep strict records.

Everybody has to
check in and out
and record the mileage.

It's part of our grant
for the experiment
from the ecology people.

Dog, please.

[Birds chirping]

Hm. Could I see the logbook?

Sure.
I'll get it for you.

[Dog barking]

What's
the matter with you?

Can't I have a conversation
with that man, huh?

All right, I'm going over
to this car here.

I'm gonna read the odometer.

I'm gonna be right back.

[Birds chirping]

Here you go, Lieutenant.

You checked this out
at 5:00?

That's right, every day.

And Ross didn't...

Ross didn't use
this car at all last night?

No, it never left
the parking lot. Why?

Well, there's three more
miles on the odometer

than you've got here
on the log.

Let me see.

I don't get it.

Where can I find
Mr. Ross?

Check with
Dr. Cahill's office.

Listen,
do me a favor, would you?

Yeah.

Uh, would you mind
keeping the dog
around for a while?

I tell you,
he's no trouble.

He just don't
like to be alone.

He wants to be
around a human person.

He don't care who it is.

Okay.

You know,
it could be anybody.

So just, uh,
unstrap him here

and he'll be fine.

I'm gonna leave you,
but you're gonna talk

with this gentleman.
All right?

Is he
gonna be all right?

Yeah, he's gonna be fine.

(Dr. Cahill)
Why didn't you call me?

You shouldn't have
come back so soon.

There's no point
in your being here.

I wanted to come back.

You should've
stayed at the conference.

You just were awarded
their highest honor.

Top men from
all over the world,

people you should get to know.

Do they know who did it?

Who killed him?

No. Not yet.

Neil.

I'll see if Margaret
needs anything.

Neil.

Stay out of it.
It can't do you any good.

[Intercom buzzing]

Yes?

(receptionist)
Lt. Columbo to see you, sir.

Send him in.

Oh, it's too late now.

You can't go back.
It would look very odd.

Just keep to yourself
and stay away from
the press people.

(Columbo)
How're you doing?

Doctor.

Lieutenant, welcome.

Aren't you Neil Cahill?

My son.

Lt. Columbo.

I read about you
in the newspapers.

I want to congratulate you.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

If there's anything
I can do...

We'll have lunch
sometime.

I'll call you.

Come in, Lieutenant,
come in.

You must be
mighty proud of him.

Yes, I am.

Well, Lieutenant,
what can I do for you?

Anything new on the case?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
there is.

What?

I found the missing pipe.

And?

On the driveway.
Outside.

Yes?

Well, that got me
to thinking, sir,

and, uh, excuse me,
just one moment.

You know, this case is so full
of confusing details that,

[clears throat]
Excuse me,

uh, I said to myself,
"What I'm gonna do is,

"I'm gonna make a tape-record

"of everything that I
think about the case

and all the questions
I want to ask."

That's very ingenious of you,
Lieutenant.

Oh, I used to take notes,

but it got to be
a lot of trouble.

I was always
losing my pencil.

Sometimes I lost
the whole notebook.

(Columbo on tape)
Bad dog! Bad dog!

Oh, this is embarrassing.

I'm tryin' to
housebreak my dog,

and nothin' seems to work.

[Tape forwarding]

Why was the pipe
on the driveway?

Right. Why was the pipe
on the driveway?

Obviously, he must have
dropped it there.

Yes, but when?

You see,
Mrs. Nicholson told me

that Prof. Nicholson
had his pipe when she left.

He had it with him
in the lab,

the lab that's
in the garage.

Then he dropped it

between the lab
and the house.

Exactly.
Here's the problem there...

Um, excuse me,
one moment, sir.

Oh, here it is.

It's nothing to show.

It looks like this pipe
has been run over by a car.

What are you getting at,
Lieutenant?

Um...

Uh...

(Columbo on tape)
What if the victim
was killed by a car?

What if the victim
was killed by a car?

That's what
occurred to me, sir.

Maybe Prof. Nicholson was hit
by a car in his own driveway.

Does the coroner
confirm that?

Yes, sir, he does.

He tells me that
the bodily injuries

were consistent with that of
a hit-and-run victim.

Then, uh, how did the body
get inside the house?

Could have dragged
himself in.

No.

No, no,
not with that scuff mark.

What?

Scuff mark, sir.

I found a scuff mark
on the living room door.

Shoe polish. I checked.

Definitely came off of
Prof. Nicholson's shoes.

And what did that tell you?

I don't know. In my mind

that reinforces the theory
that the body was moved.

So what you're saying,
in effect,

is that somebody
killed Nicholson outside

and then carried him inside.

Well, why would anybody
want to do a thing like that?

I don't know.

Well if he moved the body,

then the signs
of struggle are fake,

and if they're fake

then the two glasses,
and the watch,
wallet, and heroin,

they all could be fake.
I don't know.

The only thing I know,

whoever did this,
he had a brain.

You know what I mean?

Not the average
guy off the street.

And this is a think tank,

and you got a lot of
brilliant minds around here,

and you yourself said

Prof. Nicholson had enemies
here at the institute.

Oh, yeah, well,
the brilliant minds
are stockpiled here.

You'd like to
probe a few of them?

Is that what
you're asking me?

Quite frankly, yes.

I would like to see
a Mr. Ross.

I believe
he's your assistant.

Right away.

Uh, send Ross in.

(receptionist)
Yes, sir.

Why Ross?

I noticed the fellow
from the motor pool,

he was repairing
the front end of Ross's car.

[Laughs]

What are you laughing at?

Well, I'm afraid I'll have to
disappoint you, Lieutenant,

but, uh, Ross's car and I
had a little collision

in the parking lot
out here last night.

I heard about that.

I know what
you're getting at.

If Ross
ran down Nicholson,

the front of his car
might have evidence of it

and the collision with my car
would've destroyed it, hm?

I am afraid so.

Well, that's
a bad break.

Yes, sir. It is.

Of course, not for Ross.
Not if he's guilty.

Lieutenant, I've known Ross
for a long time.

I respect that, sir

but, you know, I checked
the log with the garage man.

He's got three miles on his
car that shouldn't be there.

And from here to
Nicholson's house,

roundtrip,
just about three miles.

Well, uh,

how do you know somebody else
didn't take Ross's car?

Well, we can't be
certain at this point.

Excuse me, where do you
get those cigars?

I'll let you in on
a little secret, Lieutenant.

They're from Cuba.

A friend of mine
brings them in for me.

They... They look terrific.

You know,
these fellows that I smoke,

I pick these up here,
at the supermarket.

Be my guest.

Oh.

Thank you very much.
I'll just take one.

[Intercom buzzing]

Yes?

(receptionist)
Mr. Ross is here, sir.

Send him in.

I'll save this
for a special occasion.

Yes, sir.

Uh, come in, Ross.

This is Lt. Columbo.

He's investigating
the Nicholson murder.

Yes.

Oh, this is just
a routine question.

Where were you last night
between 8:00 and 9:00?

I was in my apartment,
here at the institute.

Any way you can
substantiate that?

No, l... I was alone.

I see.
That's all I wanted to know.

Thank you very much.

I don't understand.
Am I a suspect?

No, sir.
No, you're not the suspect.

No, not at all.
Just covering all bases.

Anything else?

No, sir.

Thank you, Ross.

Lieutenant, I realize it isn't
my place to say anything,

but why did you tell him
he wasn't the suspect?

To throw him
off his guard?

He's not a suspect.

Since when?

Since I saw him.
He's too small.

I beg your pardon?

He's too small
for the scuff mark.

Remember I mentioned
the scuff mark on the door?

Well, the height of that mark
tells me the body was carried.

It wasn't dragged.

That fellow's too small

to have carried
Prof. Nicholson

high enough in his arms

for the shoes
to make that mark.

Your methodology
fascinates me, Lieutenant,

but I've got
a lecture scheduled.

Anything else
I can do for you?

Oh, excuse me,
just one moment.

Why did car have
extra miles?

Did anyone else
have access to the car?

I just want to
make those notes.

Don't wanna forget that.

Thank you very much.

Uh, Lieutenant,
before you go,

there is one other thing
I'd like to show you.

Trouble?

Just a replacement,
Doctor.

It's okay now.

Lieutenant, this, uh,
K-44 computer you see here

is the only one of its kind
in the world.

Ultra-sophisticated.

Really?

Now, I don't expect you
to appreciate all this.

Oh, no, no,
l... I appreciate it.

Hmm.

Actually,
the reason I asked you
to come up to this room

was that I figured
sooner or later

you'd get around
to asking me

where I was
on the night of the murder.

Why, that's very
thoughtful of you, Doctor.

I can't imagine how I forgot
to ask that question.

I was right here,
operating the K-44.

Can you
substantiate that, sir?

[Laughs]

I didn't think
you'd forget that.

Not directly, no,
but, uh, by remote control.

Mmm-hmm.

Beg your pardon?

You see, this K-44 is remoted

to a room
we have in the basement

that we call the War Room.

Scientists, technicians,

officers from
the armed services

work out defense
problems down there

that I set up on the K-44.

And since
the problem last night

was one of my own devising,

I'm the only person
who could've possibly

projected it down
to the War Room.

I understand that, I think.

In other words,
if you stopped doin'

what you're doin' up here
then nothing'll happen there.

Exactly.

And not only
do I have an alibi,

but everybody involved
in the problem has one, too.

Well, that eliminates
a lot of people.

Right.

While you're about it,
you might check out

Margaret Nicholson's
encounter-group marathon
last night.

That way you can
eliminate them as well.

Wonderful.

You don't
seem too pleased.

Well, you know, Doctor,

I've been runnin'
into people by the dozens

who couldn't have
murdered Prof. Nicholson.

I wish I could run into one
who could have.

No, no, c-come on, don't.
Leave me alone.

He likes you.

Hey, listen, Lieutenant,

I like him, too,

but I just can't seem to
get any work done.

Does anybody else
have a key to Mr. Ross's car?

Yeah. I've got
duplicates to all of them.

But just about anybody

could've sneaked in here
last night

and grabbed Ross's key
off the board.

Where were you between
8:00 and 9:00 last night?

I went to
a drive-in movie with a kid.

Well, I guess it's as good
an alibi as Dr. Cahill's,

if the kid will confirm it.

He sure will.
You'll find him in a lab

in
the administration building.

It's marked MM-7.

His name is Stephen Spelberg.

Uh, S-Stephen Spelberg?

Yes, sir.

But I prefer Steve.

Steve. Okay, Steve.

Uh, my name
is Lt. Columbo.

I'm from the LAPD.

Are you investigating
Prof. Nicholson's murder?

That's right, son.
That's what I'm doing.

He doesn't look like
a police dog.

Well, he isn't.
He's a policeman's dog.

Believe me,
there's a big difference.

Are you gonna question me?

Oh, no, not really.

I'm just gonna ask you
one question.

Did you go to
the movies last night

with the fellow
from the motor pool?

Yeah. What's his name?

What, the dog?
Well, he doesn't have a name.

My wife and I,
we could never agree on one.

We just say "Hey,"
or "Dog," or whistle.

Doesn't make any difference.

He don't come when
you call him, anyway.

What do you do here?

You... You help your father
in here?

My father's
a barber in San Jose.

This is my lab.

This is your lab?

I might as well tell you
right now, Lieutenant

I'm a boy genius.

Oh, well, that's good.

Not always, it isn't.

People treat you like
some kind of freak
when they find out

no matter
how normal you act.

Well, I'll try
not to do that.

Well, uh, you know,

I think maybe
you're a little smarter

than most kids, Steve,

but in other ways, I guess
you... you're just like

other kids, aren't you?

I am.

Say, guess what I wanted
to be when I was three?

That's easy.
You wanted to be a cop.

How'd you know?

All kids,
they want to be cops.

And, you know, I could tell
by the way you asked me.

Also the fact that
I am a cop, you know.

That's what I wanted to be,
all right, but I couldn't.

Why not?

I was too smart.

Oh, no offense, Lieutenant.

That's all right,
I don't mind.

What do you do
around here, Steve?

I got a grant
to work on MM-7.

MM-7? Some kind of spy stuff?

Oh, no, sir,
nothing like that.

Here, let me show you.

MM-7,
come here and shake hands

with the man in the raincoat.

Don't be frightened,
Lieutenant.

It's not a monster.

[Whirring]

(Steve)
Go ahead. Shake hands.

How do you do?

I'll tell you,
that's somethin'.

That's the most wonderful
thing I've ever seen.

Thank you. I made it myself.

I call it MM-7 because
it's the seventh model

of the original.

You know what
the original was?

No.

A Mickey Mouse robot
I built when I was five.

How many other things
can it do?

Well, almost everything
a man can do,

if you program it
with these black boxes, here.

Or else you
design a new black box

for whatever
you want it to do.

Uh-huh.

Boy,
could my wife ever use him.

Everybody can use a robot,
Lieutenant.

There are a lot of

annoying jobs
people don't like to do

that robots
will be doing someday.

Listen, talking about
annoying jobs,

you like dogs, don't you?

Yes, sir.

Would you do me a favor?

Would you and the robot
take care of my dog?

I got a lot of things to do,

and the dog
doesn't like to be alone.

Sure.

Oh, that's wonderful.
Thank you very much.

Okay.

So I'll see you later.

What's this world coming to?

It's the second time
in two days I've been
treated like a kid.

What was the other time?

Uh,
when Dr. Cahill asked me

to go
to the movies yesterday.

He's never
done that before.

Is that a fact?

Does that mean something,
Lieutenant?

Oh, I don't know, Steve.

When people do something
for the first time,

detectives always get curious.

Oh, okay.

Uh, Steve,

Look, I don't
want to impose on you,

but if you can
make that robot

do all those things,

you think you can
housebreak my dog?

Well, Lieutenant,
zoology isn't my field,

but I'll give it a crack.

Come on, boy.
Come on, come over here.

[Sighing]

MM-7, walk the dog.

[Whirring]

Uh, good afternoon,
Lieutenant.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Nicholson.

I guess it's
Dr. Nicholson, isn't it?

Were you looking for me?

Yes. They told me
I'd find you down here.

I was wondering
if you've made any progress.

No. I've cleared
a lot of people,

but I haven't caught anybody.

For a policeman,
I guess that's bad.

Yes, ma'am.

Everybody seems to have
an ironclad alibi.

It begins to look
more and more

like the work of some
dope-crazed psychotic.

Not to me.

Even with that
missing can of heroin?

You know how that
can was labeled?

That was labeled...

I got it here somewhere.
Here we are.

"C21 H23 NO5."

Who would know
that was heroin?

That's the chemical formula
for heroin.

I looked it up. I would
never know that was heroin,

and I don't think
a junkie would either.

I guess
you've got a point.

Uh, may I ask
what you're looking for

in my husband's file?

To tell you the truth,
I don't know.

But Dr. Cahill told me
this was classified material,

and when they were
moving this file out,

I noticed that
only the top drawer locked.

The other three drawers,
they slide free.

So I figured
the classified material

is only in the top drawer.

It is.

Right.

But your husband's keys,

and that included
the key to the top drawer,

were in his pocket.

So the thief, I mean,
if there was a thief,

he wasn't after
classified material.

You think he may have been
after something

that was in
one of the open files?

It's possible.
Maybe you can help me there.

Like, your husband,
he was a very organized man.

I mean, the lab was neat,
everything was in place.

You're quite right.

He wasn't an easy man
to keep house for.

That's right,
the house was spotless,

except for that scuff mark
on the living room door.

I heard you noticed that.

You're very observant.

Some people say I'm snoopy.

Anyway, see,
this filing cabinet

is alphabetical,

and in this row you have
everything from "A" to "G."

This index card
tells you everything

that is in this drawer.

Mmm-hmm.

See, under "A," you have
Aaronson, Ackroyd, Archibald.

Under "B,"
Baker and Burkhardt.

Well, those are colleagues,
correspondence.

Under "C," there's nothing.

Got two under "D."

Davis, Drake.

Under "E," nothing.

Under "F," one.
Only one under "F."

Finch?

Yes. Carl Finch,

a... a very distinguished
British physicist

who worked here for a while
then returned to England.

Well,
he died some time ago.

Mmm-hmm.

That doesn't explain it.

Explain what?

Everything this card indicates
is here, is here,

except what's under "F."

You can't think of any reason
why Finch should be missing?

No.

I don't want to
offend you, Doctor,

but you're not
a very good liar.

Lieutenant.

You said they told you that
you could find me down here.

Now, the only person
who knew I was here

was the judge who issued me
the search warrant.

Now, I'm just guessing,

but I have a feeling
you didn't come down here

looking for me.

I think you came down here,

and it had something to do
with these files.

It might've had
something to do

with the missing Finch file.

If you've got something
to tell me about that,

I wish you'd do it.

[Sighs]

All right, Lieutenant,
you win.

I'm not a very good liar.

I guess my profession
has programmed me

to level with people.

But it also
imposes a restriction.

I'd like to help
solve my husband's murder,

but I can't
talk about anything

that might involve
a patient's confidence.

As a police officer,
I'm sure you know that

whatever passes between
a doctor and patient
is as privileged

as what passes between
a priest and a penitent.

Yes, ma'am.
I understand that,

but I'd like to
ask you a question.

If it doesn't
violate your ethic,

I'd appreciate it
if you'd give me an answer.

I'll try.

Do you have any idea

who killed your husband,
and why?

I'm sorry. I can't help you.

Goodbye.

[Knocking on door]

Come in.

Dr. Cahill.
Listen, I can come back
when you're not busy.

That's all right.
I'm just unpacking.

How's it going?

Not well.
Mind if I sit down?

My feet are killing me.

Sure.

Not making
much progress, huh?

I got somethin', but, uh,
the motive is uncertain.

Everybody's got an alibi.
However...

Well,
it wasn't built in a day.

Um, I wanted to ask you...
Oh, here we are.

According to
the motor pool log,

you took the car out
last night. 22 miles.

It's 11 miles
roundtrip to the airport.

So what?

How come the double mileage?

Oh, l... I cancelled out
my earlier flight,

and I took the 10:00.

That doesn't account
for the extra miles.

All right. I went back
to the lodge to see Margaret.

Mrs. Nicholson.

I had to talk to her
about something.

You mind telling me what?

No, I can't tell you that.

How long were you with her?

Just a few minutes.

So you had an hour to kill

before you had to get
back to the airport.

I take it you mean to use
that phrase, "to kill."

You mean that literally.

No. I was just using
a figure of speech.

I'm not making an accusation.

Well, I sat at the airport
for an hour,

reading a magazine.
That's all.

I've got nothin' to hide.

I appreciate your time.

Oh, one other thing.

Professor and Mrs. Nicholson,
were they happily married?

Yes, they were.

I have to ask that question,
under the circumstances.

Because she's so much
younger than he,

because she's so attractive.

It has to be considered.

Did it ever occur to you
she married him

because she loved him?

I'm happy to know it's true.

Oh, excuse me.

Sorry, ma'am.
Come right in.

Just leaving.

[Door closes]

Neil, what's the matter?

He thinks I murdered Howard.

You're not just guilty
about the plagiarism.

Now you're beginning
to feel guilty

about a murder
you didn't commit.

I'm telling you,
he thinks I did it.

I don't think he does.

He's a lot wiser about people
than he cares to show,

or perhaps
than we recognize.

He's a cop. He's got to
hang this on somebody.

He's no different
from the rest of us.

Winning is all that counts.

Failure is the one sin.

I don't believe that.
But even if it's true,

it's his problem, not yours.

You know, you've always
wanted me to admit

I stole
that theory from Finch.

But you never
laid it on the line.

Neil, maybe you're right.

Maybe I tried too hard to
make you bring it out yourself

because l... I felt deeply
that you should.

Maybe I should've
ordered you to do it,

prescribed it,
like a doctor.

After all, I am a doctor.

Would you have done it
if I'd told you to?

Yes.

Then do it, Neil.

Do it.

Neil, calm down.
There's no need to get upset.

The lieutenant
can't break this case,

and he's grasping at straws.

But, Dad, he thinks
I murdered Nicholson.

Nonsense.

I did have a motive,
you know.

What are you talking about?

What I mean is, someone
could think I had a motive

if... if Nicholson knew,
and I think he did.

Knew what?

That I stole the theory
of molecular matter.

And did you?

I'm sorry, Dad.

I know what
this must be for you,

but it was Carl Finch's work.

I suppose
I'm partly responsible.

I guess you sought the honor
as much for me
as for yourself.

No. I don't want to
lay this on you.

It's all my fault.

Neil, we... we can both
live with this thing together.

Finch is dead.
So is Nicholson.

We'll just keep this thing
between us.

If it ever got out,

it would implicate you
in Nicholson's murder.

Dad, I appreciate what
you're trying to do, but...

You're my son.

There's nothing in the world
I wouldn't do for you.

You don't understand.

I wanted to tell you first,
and then...

And then tell Columbo?

Yeah.

And let him
arrest you for murder?

I want to tell
the truth for a change.

Noble, but I won't let you.

Dad, I have to.
Neil!

The lieutenant's looking
for an easy way out
of this case,

and that'll be you,
if you give him
the opportunity.

Now, we just won't say
a word about this
to anyone.

And then you let me
handle the Lieutenant, huh?

[Laughs]

You know, Steve and Janet
are still in Hawaii.

Maybe we can spend
a little time with them.

We both need some time off.

What do you say?

Well, I've got to see
that group from the UN,

and then I've got to
go to Portland tonight.

We'll talk again
when I come back tomorrow.

[Door slams]

Sorry, Lieutenant,
it doesn't compute.

That means
it doesn't make sense,

doesn't add up?

That's right.

Well, thanks, anyway, Steve.
It was worth a try.

Tell you what I will do.

I'll keep on adding any
new evidence you turn up

to this docket.

Maybe something
finally will compute.

Meanwhile I'll keep on
resequencing this data.

There must be hundreds of
possible combinations.

I appreciate that, Steve.

But I don't wanna
keep you from your work.

That's okay.
I'll program MM-7 to do it.

That is my work.

You mean, the robot
can operate this computer?

Sure. I told you.

It can do almost
everything a man can do

if you program it correctly.

Hold it.

What's wrong?

Something just computed.

No matter what your logistic
and geographical programs are,

we can fight
your war for you,

right here in this room
and help you find

a viable interception,
defense,

and retaliatory program.

[Electronic beeping]

Excuse me, gentlemen.

There seems to be
some sort of

mechanical foul-up
in the Master Control Room.

Dr. Ross,
will you please take over?

Yes. As Dr. Cahill was saying,
from this room...

[clears throat]

We'll discuss this later,
young man.

You get back to your lab.

Yes, sir.

I noticed you know
how to turn him off, Doctor.

So, I guess, you know
how to turn him on, too.

And program it.

Lieutenant,

you've obviously
been conducting

an experiment
calculated to demonstrate

that MM-7 could have
operated the computer

the night of the murder.

Boy, you just saved
a lot of time there, Doctor.

Yes, sir, you sure did.

That's exactly
what we were doing.

It was my fault,
not the boy's.

I doubt it.

You don't even have
the brains for it.

So let me save you
some more time.

There is no way on earth
you can prove

that the robot was
at the computer that night,

let alone that
I programmed him
to operate it.

Which is what you suspect,
isn't it?

Yes, sir.

Well, he doesn't leave
fingerprints.

You can't take him
into a back room

and beat a confession
out of him with a rubber hose.

You can't even arrest him

and then get him to
turn state's evidence

with the promise of immunity.

So all you have,
at the moment, is a theory.

Right now,
you are in an institution

where any staff member,

including
your little friend Steve,

will tell you
a theory isn't worth a damn

unless it can be proved.

It's the same way
at the institution
that I work at, Doctor.

Right. And the only thing
you can prove

is that I don't have an alibi
for the night of the murder.

Well, Lieutenant, within
one square mile of here,

there are 10,000
innocent people

who also don't have an alibi
for the night of the murder.

So I suggest you take
your investigation elsewhere.

You're disrupting
this organization.

Good day, Lieutenant.

[Door closes]

[Phone ringing]

Hello.

(Columbo)
This is Lt. Columbo.
I'm sorry to disturb you.

Could I come over there
for a few minutes?

What about?

I'd like to ask you
some questions
about a Carl Finch.

What kind of questions?

It's Columbo. He wants to
talk about Finch.

He must've
stumbled onto something.

Oh, come on, Neil.
He's on a fishing expedition.

Columbo...

Oh, hello, Doc.

(Dr. Cahill)
Apparently you didn't get
my message a few minutes ago.

Now, listen. My son and I
are going to dinner,

and when we return,
I don't want to
find you on the premises.

If I do, I'm gonna
contact your superiors.

Come on, Neil.
There's some people
I want you to meet.

Dad, I really
don't feel like it now.

I think I'd better
have a talk with Margaret.

You talk to her
as much as you like.

But when I get back from
Portland tomorrow afternoon,

you and I are gonna
take that vacation to Hawaii.

[Door closes]

What're you gonna do,
Lieutenant?

I've got to
talk to my wife.

When a case gets too tough,
I've got to talk to my wife.

Is she a policewoman?

No.

Actually, she doesn't
talk about the case.

She talks about
everything else.

It takes my mind off it.

Oh, so you're fresh
when you come back.

Something like that.

Are you coming back?

Not unless I get somethin'.

Dr. Cahill?
Yes?

Uh, just a few questions.

NBC News, Portland.

I'm Kimble. I'm from
the Portland Chronicle.

We'd like to get
a few comments

on that story
your son broke

in Los Angeles
earlier tonight.

What story?

You don't know?

I've been on a plane,
gentlemen.

We understand your son
called the wire services

and announced he'd
plagiarized that theory
of molecular matter.

No comment.
No comment on anything.

Any developments in
the Nicholson case?

What is the earliest plane
to Los Angeles?

I'll have the bell captain
help you, sir.

Dr. Cahill...

Can you leave me alone?

You're behind this.

Dad...

I'd like to
speak to Neil alone.

You might've told me.

I didn't want to be
talked out of it.

I knew you could do that.

You didn't seem
to have any trouble

getting yourself
talked into it.

Dad, try to understand.

Understand what?

What about me?
What about the institute?

You've destroyed
its credibility.

I made it perfectly clear
the institute was blameless.

And I was quoted correctly.

My resignation
ought to help.

I don't want to hurt you,
you know that.

You have.

I am sorry.

[Door opens]

(Dr. Cahill)
What the hell do you want?

I owe you an apology.

I should never have
considered you a suspect.

All right.
It's accepted. Now get out.

I'm here to arrest your son

for the murder
of Prof. Nicholson.

That's a damn poor joke,
Lieutenant.

Neil.

(Columbo)
It's not a joke.

Neil, don't say a word.

That's
very good advice.

It can be used
against you.

I'd like to say something,
Lieutenant.

You know, you have
a very transparent mind,

which in no way
implies clear thinking.

You're assuming
that my son's admission

that he stole
Prof. Finch's theory

provides him with a motive
for murdering Nicholson,

who could've exposed him, huh?

That's right, sir.
I did make that assumption.

(Dr. Cahill)
That's all it is,
an assumption.

You can't prove a thing.

Oh, I can prove it.

I can prove
a lot of things.

I don't need that motive.

He had another motive.

A less complicated motive.

Give me that report.

One of the oldest motives
we get down in homicide.

What the devil
are you driving at?

Woman married to a man
twice her age,

and a young lover.

That's a lie!

(Dr. Cahill)
Neil, don't let him
entrap you.

I don't have to entrap him.
I've got plenty of evidence.

You can't have.

By your own admission,
you cancelled your 8:00 flight

and came here to
talk to Margaret Nicholson.

Yeah, that's right.

You left her at
10 minutes to 8:00.

You were here on the grounds
of the institute

and the murder took place
between 8:00 and 9:00.

You drove car number eight?

I think so.

Don't think, son.
Give me that log.

Car number eight,
signed out to Neil Cahill.

I had the tires removed
from car number eight

and run through our lab.

In the tread of
one of those tires

was some grains
of impacted tobacco.

Give me that tobacco.

This is the same tobacco

that Prof. Nicholson
imported from England.

This is the same tobacco
that he used in his pipe,

the same pipe that was
crushed in his driveway

by the car that killed him.

The same car
that you signed out for,

the car that you were driving.

This is a frame-up.

I am not finished.

Mr. Whitehead?

Where are you employed,
Mr. Whitehead?

At the Shangri-la Motel
in Palm Springs.

Do you recognize
anybody in this room?

That gentleman and the lady
that left a minute ago.

I've never seen you
before in my life.

Where have you seen
this gentleman

and that lady before,
Mr. Whitehead?

At the motel, sir.

On the weekends, uh,
for the last few months.

They check in
as man and wife.

You fool.

Dad, I swear to you,
that man is lying!

Arrest him
and book him.

Thank you very much,
Mr. Whitehead.

Advise him of his rights
in the car on the way down.

Lieutenant.

Lieutenant.

Lieutenant.

(Columbo)
Right here, Doctor.

All right, Lieutenant,
you win.

I did it.

Did you, Doctor?

I don't know whether or not

you could really
hang this on Neil.

You're a strange man.

It was a bluff
I couldn't afford to call.

How did you know?

I suspected you
10 minutes after I met you.

You see this match?

It wasn't used
to light a cigarette.

It was used
to light this cigar,

and it's burned
from top to bottom,

just like this match,

burned from top to bottom.

But this match was
found in an ashtray

in Prof. Nicholson's
living room.

The room was cleaned at 5:00.

After 5:00, there were
only three people in it.

Mrs. Nicholson,
but she doesn't smoke,

Nicholson himself,
who smoked a pipe

but who used a lighter,

and the third person,
the murderer.

That first day

I couldn't give a hoot
in hell about a thief.

I was lookin'
for a cigar smoker

and there you were.

No, sir.

The problem wasn't so much
who did it.

The problem was
why you did it.

(Columbo on tape)
Son doesn't smoke cigars.

Father smokes cigars.

Father loves his son.

The father loves his son.

You did it
to protect your boy.

That's what I was banking on.

That's why I staged
that scene in there.

I apologize for the frame-up.

Your son will be
released in an hour.

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